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You know the drill by now, kids: I do the comment of the week, but first I remind you about my looming east coast tour!

  • April 26, 7 pm, at Upshur Books in Washington, DC!
  • April 28, 7 pm, at Atomic Books in Baltimore! I’m sharing this bill with Ariel S. Winter, who’ll be reading from his book Barren Cove.
  • May 2, 7 pm, at the City Reliquary in Brooklyn!
  • May 5, 7 pm, at Talking Leaves Books in Buffalo!

    • If you haven’t bought my novel yet and are planning on attending one of these events, I would ask that you hold out and buy it there, because that helps out the bookstores who have been nice enough to host me. (If you haven’t bought my novel yet and won’t be able to make it to any of these events, well, you know what to do.)

    AHEM, AND NOW, your COTW!

    “Yes, ‘Alfie.’ That’s short for ‘Resuscitation Alfred.’ He’s been here since the incident at the Red Cross CPR trainining class. Given what happened, they haven’t asked for it back. Alcohol swab?” –Kevin On Earth

    And your hilarious runners up!

    “Hootin’ Holler residents discover Dizzy-World when they’re young, and the meth labs and shine stills they slap together later are desperate attempts to maintain the pleasures of their youth.” –Oavis

    “I love how unenthusiastic Creepy McProfessor looks. Like he doesn’t really want to do this, but ugh, fine, he’ll be Dawn’s weird forbidden romance if he must.” –thleeny

    “Sure, it seems like a harmless enough thing to draw all your animal creatures with weirdly human features (breasts, beer bellies, life-sapping ennui), but one day, the whims of the public will force you to draw those beasts naked, and then no amount of bubble bath or wine artfully placed over the cleavage will protect you.” –Schroduck

    “And the, uh, mountain of marijuana it’s sitting on? Is that part of the karst or whatever, too?” –pugfuggly

    “Suffice it to say, I’m called in to consult on what kinds of solvents will dissolve bones, teeth, hair, etc. If I tell you anything more you’ll be a witness, which you do not want.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

    “So Harlan Jones’ everyday outfit consists of a buttoned-up polo shirt, green sports jacket and man-bag? I think it’s less likely that ‘Alfie’ is his lover than, say, his caddie.” –BigTed

    “Watch yourself, Alfie. Your adorable companionship is keeping this man sane, and away from seeking another hetero-normative marriage. This may please your owner, but it will not please Mary. And Mary gets what she wants.” –Enlong

    “So I told my editor, ‘she can have tits or she can have a chin, I don’t do both.’” –Dan

    “‘Matty Squared’ is 10% Max Headroom and 90% the late Orville Redenbacher. Or should I say … ORVILLE DEADENBACHER. Hey, creators of Dick Tracy, you can have that one for free, as long as you promise to never give me credit.” –Kibo

    “Let’s be fair to plumbers in the Pluggersverse; designing a toilet that can handle both bear and kangaroo scat probably is rocket science.” –Voshkod

    “That net is sure going to make it difficult for all of Camp Swampy’s justifiably suicidal soldiers to step three feet to the right before they jump.” –Steve S

    “I want to concentrate on myself, improve my mind, focus on learning. But just temporarily! Can you imagine spending a big chunk of your life on improving your mind and learning stuff? In under five years, I’ll be back to being as ignorant as they come, honest!” –seismic-2

    “What’s great is you can drop Carlyle J. Chaffeur’s stunning Rex Morgan, M.D., second-panel turn into any comic strip and it just works. Hell, even Gary Brookins over at Pluggers would love material like this. ‘Pluggers are hotter than a two dollar pistol on Saturday night,’ with special thanks to Carlyle J. Chaffeur.” –Dood

    “You’re so young, and vibrant, and alive. Not like my dead wife. Alright, let’s do downward dog. Like this adorable dog, which is the only thing keeping me sane, now that my wife is dead. Man, I’m really baring my soul, here. Don’t feel the need to reciprocate, it’s definitely not my intent to create an emotional low-pressure system. Are you dating? I haven’t. Not since my wife died.” –bunivasal

    Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

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  • Oh, yes, and my novel is something you should buy, in hardback, paperback, or ebook form! It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy

If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.