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Hello all! Your COTW in a moment, but first … your boy Josh has somehow become banned from Twitter? And was given no specific reason why or told anything about any specific bad tweets I did? I just got a note saying that “your account broke the Twitter Rules,” even though I am in fact a very good boy? As you may have heard things are somewhat in, uh, disarray over there, but if you happen to know one of the people who still works there (or maybe are one of those people), I would appreciate it if you’d put in a good work for my appeal! If it doesn’t work out and I never return to Twitter or “X dot com” or whatever it ends up becoming, ah well, life is a rich tapestry, and also I am now on Bluesky if that’s a site you use.

Meanwhile! Here is your comment … of the week!

“SHOOTER AT LARGE PRINT FACTORY! PLEASE HELP US” –Lark L

And your runners up! Very funny!

“Think this one through, Saul. Do you really want to be friends with some kind of weirdo who doesn’t wear the same accessory as her dog?” –jroggs

“Apparently it hurts Billy to think, which seems perfectly on-brand.” –Francisco Arrowroot

“The most traumatic part of Rex’s day has to be right at the beginning, when he wakes up knowing that two of his hairs are slightly out of place. He immediately glues them into obedience before even brushing his teeth. It’s priority one with him.” –Joe Blevins

“This is what happens when kids are in and out of the judicial system. They pick up courtroom slang. Oyez!” –Little Blue Bicycle

“Didn’t mean to make a joke — your eye injury is still serious. Now … about my eye-popping fee…” –Kevin On Earth

“I’m not sure Rex Morgan, M.D., should lean so hard into the contrast between the main character, who we have to read about every day, and the guy who is amusing and does things that people enjoy watching.” –matt w

“Hey, listen, Billy — unless you’ve have some major grinding time, that spoon‘s not going to make it as a shiv. Go for the fork, Billy. Do it. DO IT.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“I see Dennis and his mother are dining at the English Eatery, home of the famous Bloomin’ Hedgehog, an entire hedgehog deep fried and served up with ketchup! Dennis is about to enjoy one with his burger (guaranteed* to be BSE-free), while his mother has opted for the blood pudding soup. [* Guarantee not valid in former colonies.]” –Voshkod

“At least with a slider, you’re assured of a smooth delivery. If it were a Big Mac™, it might require a c-section. I don’t want to think about the complications involved in the delivery of a McDLT.” –taig

“How come the Juvenile Detention Center gets to have a state-of-the-art indoor sports arena, but the high school doesn’t even have its own ferris wheel?” –made of wince

“‘Anyway, I came to realize that there’s more dramatic tension in a medical emergency than, say, a story about a grown man trying to take credit for a child’s writing. Sure, the latter is funnier but I’d like to take center stage in my own strip again and rely less on giant men faking gastrointestinal distress, Muddy Boots, or Buck.’ ‘Aren’t you worried this will mean spending less time with your children, Dr. Morgan?’ ‘My what?’” –Tabby Lavalamp

“‘I’m aware’ = ‘I have spent the past several days trying to clear up the legal and logistical mess created when you barged in to our ER and commandeered an operating room, and I’m nowhere near to being done.’” –TheDiva

“Jesus, how would you even begin to answer a question like that? Like, I can’t even tell where their torsos end and their heads begin, how would you even define what constitutes a ‘bottom’ for these lumpy creatures?” –pugfuggly

“You’d think Dennis would be more excited by a second chance to kill Lincoln. Menace factor: 0.” –Hibbleton

“Based on the round mark on top of his hat, Mr. Wilson is part of the I Corps, which had a circle as its corps badge. The I Corps had a noble heritage despite being taken away from the Army of the Potomac during the Peninsula Campaign. Certainly the I Corps — renamed the III Corps — served as the foundation of John Pope’s Army of Virginia, the antislavery alternative to George McClellan and the Army of the Potomac. The corps returned to being the I Corps in 1863 and served with honor on July 1, 1863 to the northwest of a Pennsylvania town called Gettysburg despite its commander being killed on the battlefield. I hope Mr. Wilson shares this noble legacy with his lawyer after he finally guts Dennis like a pig with his bayonet!” –KMD

“Chip needs the adrenaline of ever-increasing danger just to function, so he sleeps in front of the lawnmower with the throttle taped down. The cord is stretched to its limit — will it break free and plunge over him, blades whirring. He doesn’t know, and the suspense is the only thing that will quiet his brain long enough to sleep.” –Schroduck

“Jeffy is less interested in simple Christian truths (all mortal lives end in death) and more in the complex hierarchy and functions of angels. This could lead to Gnosticism, except that would imply knowing.” –Ettorre

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