Metapost: COTWalypse now
Post Content
It’s all happening, and by “all” I mean the publication of this week’s top comment:
“Pretty much anybody who actually read the Bible will tell you that Adam ate the forbidden fruit too with little convincing and thus has no place to be making passive aggressive cracks about Eve eating it, so I can only presume this midrash has made the decision to depict Adam as some kind of gaslighter. ‘What are you talking about? I don’t know what good and evil are. I didn’t eat the fruit. What? You sound crazy.'” –ectojazzmage
Along with the hilarious runners up!
“‘The Futon in the Rec Room at Camp Swampy,’ one of the Mountain Goats’ saddest songs.” –Rex Thrillho, on Twitter
“‘Does the metric system like the number ten?’ is such a dumb question. It would be like ‘Is the Pope Catholic?’ except maybe the Keane Kompound has been sedevacantist since Vatican II.” –Ettore Costa, on Bluesky
“Turns out our ‘fingers’ are covered with stiff, insensitive feathers that make braille all but impossible to read, rendering the format completely unworkable. We’re birds!” –pugfuggly
“Holy shit! His mother and father, his aunt and her boyfriend, and the dog are all Marvin’s ‘staff’?! Like, they’re in his employ, to fire at will, there only to help him accomplish … the delivery of a, we’ll call it, a joke? Is Tom Armstrong on Marvin’s staff? As a reader, am I?” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women
“Jenny? Good news, bad news time. Bad news: Marvin is tracking a mysterious purple mess through the house. Good news: we’re finally free of the Grimace.” –Blackdrazon
“Years later, a few days after Grandma Keane is laid to rest, Bil and Thel are cleaning out her house when Bil hears Thel screaming from the bedroom. There, huddled in the corner of the closet, sits the desiccated corpse of their missing son. They will finally have closure of sorts, but never any answers.” –Tabby Lavalamp
“Purple. The traditional color of royalty. A chair, reserved for only one person, like a throne. Marvin, suspiciously close to Merovingian. I wasn’t expecting today to be the the day that Marvin declared its titular toddler to be Emperor of France and blood heir to Christ, but I can’t say I was surprised it happened.” –Voshkod
“Oh goody, it’s time for another one of my ‘what age is Marvin supposed to be, anyway?’ headaches. In today’s strip he is a) walking upright, b) speaking in clear, complete sentences, and c) taking the initiative to clean up a mess that he made. And yet, he is still not toilet trained. Maybe he’s like Peter Pan or the kid in The Tin Drum, caught in a state of permanently arrested development as an open rebellion against the social order, or maybe Big Plumbing.” –TheDiva
“As if manual labor and the pain of childbirth weren’t bad enough, now we gotta do math!?” –Hibbleton
“Theologians have argued for centuries about whether or not Adam had a belly button, but maybe they should have been arguing whether he had male-pattern baldness.” –Schroduck
“The characters in Marvin are so loathsome that I could easily imagine ‘Jeff and Pam dump demented Grandpa at an abandoned Sears with Marvin, who tries to form a feral bond with a half-melted mannequin’ as a 2024 story arc.” –Quiggle
“I’m intrigued that the ghost alien has tentacle eyes that have lashes and a flirtatious vibe in direct contrast to the bland face eyes. Wait, no, not ‘intrigued.’ What’s the word .. ah, yes: mortified.” –Vice President John Adams
“The mark of a good bartender is not only remembering people’s drink orders, but remembering whatever stupid pop culture references they toss out as well. Beth is a good bartender.” –Weaselboy
“I’d like to think that ‘Don’t get him wet’ is a well-understood unspoken rule about Gil. I certainly don’t want to hear anyone utter it again.” –nescio
“We all know that sand is coarse and rough and irritating and gets everywhere. What this strip presupposes is … maybe that’s sexy?” –Stop Motion Cyclops
“The lack of Euclidean geometry or even a track or any distinguishing features beyond a vast white plain that drivers could go any direction in made the R’lyeh 500 one of the more challenging NASCAR races.” –Old Man Shadow
“‘I think you need a pit stop’ is how Gertie’s husband begs her to take her meds. He knows full well how dangerous she can be when an unmedicated Gertie doesn’t fulfill her obsessive need for twisted metal and burning flesh. The authorities currently suspect the Spike Strip Bandit of causing eight fatalities, and he’s got the latest wanted poster to prove it.” –MasterMahan
“Oh, great, the punkinheads are playing in unfinished building sites! I guess parents really did allow ‘free-range kids’ back in the 1970s, or whenever this panel was originally published. (Hint: That house will sell for $15,000.)” –BigTed
“A superyacht? We see the true nature of the Charterstone world: Jeff is actually a billionaire who pays Mary to carry out mind games on the residents, who are all just playthings in the couple’s diabolical world. They deliberately engineered the death of Wilbur’s fish as a wager to see what it would take to break him.” –Tonio
“Here’s hoping Jeff bills Wilbur for fuel and crew overtime costs. Should run into several thousand dollars.” –SabeHombre
“Okay, like you say, that’s not Jeff’s boat, so there’s still a slim possibility that the fish funeral is an elaborate front, a conspiracy in which every character in Mary Worth agrees to get Wilbur down to the docks, clock him in the back of the head, and two days later he wakes up on the deck of a merchant vessel bound for another country. The captain throws him a mop, and that’s the last we ever see of Wilbur. When Dawn gets back, everyone simply agrees that she never had a father. ‘Oh!’ says Dawn, confused but agreeable.” –Dan
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50 replies to “Metapost: COTWalypse now”
Springboard Shadow CsOTW
Quiggle
June 25th, 2024 at 5:15 amReply
@Hibbleton: Marvin: From that perspective, Grandma is either seven foot tall or Grandpa is an unlikely sixty feet away. Since Marv is usually drawn the size of a basketball, a violent ‘stuffing’ is inevitable.
——————————————————
I preferred the “sixty feet away” idea, which would also explain those endless floors. The characters in Marvin are so loathsome that I could easily imagine “Jeff and Pam dump demented Grandpa at an abandoned Sears with Marvin, who tries to form a feral bond with a half-melted mannequin” as a 2024 story arc.
Garrison Skunk
June 27th, 2024 at 4:50 pm Reply
@Daisy: Six Chix: How in the world does one “act plastic”??
——————————————————
Graduate from the Bo Derek Famous School of Fine Acting.
2+2=7
June 28th, 2024 at 5:23 am Reply
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: Mary Worth: A goldfish. A freaking goldfish is receiving a send-off fit for emperor. A freaking goldfish is receiving a send-off fit for emperor because his former owner is too emotionally fragile to deal with even the mildest loss or regret, and too stupid to seek psychiatric care. If and only if this month + narrative has all been a setup for an EAT THE RICH message, it will have been worth the ride.
——————————————————
Saul: “I know! Wilbur is such a little chump that doesn’t really love his pets. Everyone knows the proper way to do a send off will a funeral procession through town after the president declares it a ‘national day of mourning’ and ‘federal holiday.’ The fish isn’t even wearing a matching suit, like what the fuck is wrong with that man?!”
.
.
.
Special Long-form Shadow CsOTW
MasterMahan
June 22nd, 2024 at 10:23 am Reply
Mary Worth:
“HEY EVERYONE! WILBUR SAYS HE’S BETTER NOW!”
“Oh thank Christ we can end this farce.”
“I’m leaving before he changes his mind.”
“What a pathetic loser.”
“This was the stupidest event I’ve ever been involved in.”
“Waste of time.”
“Those ‘funeral muffins’ were dry as shit too.”
“No fucking way I’m doing this when the other fish croaks.”
The Rambling Otter
June 23rd, 2024 at 8:50 am Reply
Mary Worth:
Waiting for the day where Mary will have her position in her own comic usurped by Gearhead Gertie. (Someday…)
Friends will be coming to Gertie for sage advice.
“Oh, you’re clinically depressed? Have you watched Nascar, that’ll cheer you right up.”
“Youre upset because a friend broke her leg? Think of all of the crashes that occur in Nascar and how horribly they suffer, you should be grateful that it isn’t worse.”
Hmm… this advice is actually better than Mary’s.
Daisy
June 24th, 2024 at 11:20 amReply
Mary Worth: Just in: the American Psychiatric Association is revising the DSM-5-TR to add a corollary to the section on grief-related disorders: the WilburWeston syndrome, characterized by inordinate attachment and separation trauma involving pets (especially lower-order life form pets); infantilism coupled with mid-range narcissism; extreme self-neglect and reliance on others to inflate his/her/their self-esteem while disregarding the need for reciprocity as an essential component of the social contract.
Maltmash3r
June 26th, 2024 at 5:57 amReply
Gil Thorp:
Dear Penthouse Letters,
You’ll never believe what happened to me.
My Girlfiend and I were on the porch drinking Lynchburg Lemonades, when my ex and her lesbian lover stopped by to pick up her alimony check.
Well, the wine and lemonade were flowing and all sorts of innuendos were flying, when all of a sudden they left for a golf tournament.
Did I mention I’m Gil Thorpe and that’s about as exciting my life gets.
cheech wizard
June 27th, 2024 at 7:41 am Reply
Mary Worth: “I kind of let go of myself for awhile because I lost hope.”
“And now?”
“I just realized that I’m a 50-something guy doing “content production” in a half-furnished apartment in my underwear while my neighbors have things like doctor boyfriends with 40-foot motor yachts. I think I’ll just let myself off the stern right after Stellan, if you don’t mind.”
Shadow COTW Contenders, Part 1
Needless Exposition
June 22nd, 2024 at 4:27 am Reply
Mary Worth: It’s not enough that Wilbur needs his shriveled sack squeezed, Mary needs her emotional cunnilingus too. And both of them will never get enough attention; they’re like emotional vampires that way.
matt w
June 22nd, 2024 at 4:43 am Reply
Mary Worth: I’m going to use that panel of Wilbur staring adoringly at Mary for my illustration on how cults use lovebombing to instill undying loyalty. Though I’m going to have to explain who Wilbur is. And who Mary is. And the goldfish. And… OK, so they’re going to be packing me off to the deprogramming center, but it’ll be worth it!
taig
June 22nd, 2024 at 5:03 am Reply
Beetle Bailey: Josh, you’re just not aware of the heat Sarge generates when he dozes off. The Army is trying to figure out how to use him to power Camp Swampy.
jroggs
June 22nd, 2024 at 5:13 am Reply
Family Circus: Thou shalt have no more than 2.54 gods before me.
Hibbleton
June 22nd, 2024 at 6:57 am Reply
Beetle Bailey: “Too much ‘corn in the popper’” Beetle complains after last night’s hookup.
richardf8
June 22nd, 2024 at 8:37 am Reply
Family Circus: The Metric System explained:
Decalitre: 20 litres
Decameter:10 Metres
Decagram: 10 grams
Decalogue: 10 commandments
Daisy
June 22nd, 2024 at 9:18 am Reply
Family Circus: Billy, the metric system is decimal-based, which means it’s based on “10” units. Be glad the universal numbering system isn’t hexadecimal or you’d have 16 commandments instead of 10. And I guarantee one of those sixteen would be “Thou shalt not be as stupid as Billy Keane.”
Needless Exposition
June 23rd, 2024 at 4:25 am Reply
Marvin: I mean, there’s no reason you can’t just take Marvin to the bowling alley and trade him in for a ball. He’d probably fetch a decent trade in before he ruins it by shitting everywhere.
Bob Tice
June 23rd, 2024 at 4:32 am Reply
Rex Morgan: In the second-to-last panel, a distraught Velma contemplates summoning Scooby and the rest of the gang to “catch that villain.”
pugfuggly
June 23rd, 2024 at 4:41 am Reply
Marvin: I gotta say, I feel like this is on instance in which Marvin‘s more traditional poop jokes could have really added something. Imagine if Marvin had instead answered his Aunt’s question by letting out a wet fart that lasted the last three panels, at which point the two interlopers flee the house, faces green and eyes watering? I really think it would be an improvement.
taig
June 23rd, 2024 at 5:19 am Reply
Mary Worth: Ian looks so pleased with himself in the last panel! Also, if Wilbur’s your friend, Toby, why didn’t you do an elementary-school crafts project to commemorate his dead fish?!?
Scratchy Scrotum LXIX
June 23rd, 2024 at 5:34 am Reply
Crankshaft: I can forgive a lot but not a dangling participle.
Cleveland Mocks
June 23rd, 2024 at 6:13 am Reply
Crankshaft: “See, Mason? We’ve placed your star right here next to Roxy Skankworth’s, who used to strip here. She was hugely gifted.”
TheDiva
June 23rd, 2024 at 7:17 am Reply
Mary Worth: “Hush, Ian! Do you want Mary to send you to the cornfield?”
Inspector Gotcha
June 23rd, 2024 at 9:25 am Reply
Mary Worth: With everything else in this stupid story so hard to swallow, only Ian was fortunate enough to choose the Muffifn O’ Truth.
Guillermo el chiclero
June 23rd, 2024 at 2:27 pm Reply
Shoe: Enjoy your hot looks now, Muffy. In twenty years you’ll look like Henrietta Beak.
LTJpezcore1
June 24th, 2024 at 5:08 am Reply
Mary Worth: Between Ian’s attitude and Mary’s vaguely threatening “We’re all in this together,” we’re headed towards some sort of a knife fight here right? Ian and Mary, fight to the death, winner gets the souls of the Charterstone residents?
Hibbleton
June 24th, 2024 at 5:29 am Reply
Marvin: One of the treatments for Porphyria cutanea tarda (symptom: purple piss) is a phlebotomy or leeches. Marvin’s parents dunking him upside down in a fetid swamp is the kind of humor which can jumpstart the strip’s drive for new readers.
Bob Tice
June 24th, 2024 at 5:38 am Reply
Mary Worth: Looming in the foreground as he is in today’s first panel, Ian has the look of an anthropomorphized eggplant.
Voshkod
June 24th, 2024 at 6:29 am Reply
Marvin: Purple. The traditional color of royalty. A chair, reserved for only one person, like a throne. Marvin, suspiciously close to Merovingian. I wasn’t expecting today to be the the day that Marvin declared its titular toddler to be Emperor of France and blood heir to Christ, but I can’t say I was surprised it happened.
But What Do I Know?
June 24th, 2024 at 6:32 amReply
Gil Thorp: On the bright side, no sports were mangled in the making of this comic…
TheDiva
June 24th, 2024 at 7:08 amReply
Phantom: So, a whole damn week of a rocket crashing, and the Ghost Who Just Sits There shrugs and goes, “Eh, we’ll see if anyone stumbled across it in the morning.”
Daisy
June 24th, 2024 at 7:16 amReply
Family Circus: Jeffy: Once again answering the eternal question “is there intelligent life in the universe?” with a resounding “NO”!
MasterMahan
June 24th, 2024 at 7:18 amReply
Family Circus: Jeffy’s favorite game to play with Grandma is the mouth swab game. That’s the one where Grandma rubs a DNA swab inside his mouth while muttering that there’s no way this ginger idiot is her real grandson. Who’s related to Jeffy? Not Me!
Peanut Gallery
June 24th, 2024 at 8:37 amReply
Family Circus: “Wait until Mommy and Daddy are really worried. Then when you find me, they’ll give you a reward, and we’ll split it 50/50.”
“Kid, the only thing they’d give me for finding you is dirty looks, and you get plenty of those already.”
Shadow COTW Contenders, Part 2
Needless Exposition
June 25th, 2024 at 4:32 am Reply
Marvin: Marvin’s myopia is clearly getting worse for he has mistaken the new plungers for his grandmother’s feet. The rest of the family is hoping that Darwinism will do the rest of the work.
But What Do I Know?
June 25th, 2024 at 4:56 amReply
Hi and Lois: From that description, Chip has found employment either as a lumberjack or a gigolo. Frankly, I find him unsuited to either of those options…
KMD
June 25th, 2024 at 5:22 amReply
Rhymes With Orange: There are very few benefits from being kicked out of the Garden of Eden, but I, for one, am glad this version of Adam and Eve faced banishment. “And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.” This version of Adam and Eve needed to be ashamed of their nudity on day one.
taig
June 25th, 2024 at 5:26 amReply
Family Circus: “It’s also got one of those self-emptying bags. Jeffy, no!”
TheDiva
June 25th, 2024 at 5:58 amReply
Hi and Lois: This is not the way I wanted to learn about Chip’s OnlyFans channel. I never wanted to learn about Chip’s OnlyFans channel, but Thirsty considering following in his footsteps just makes it ten times worse.
Lee S.
June 25th, 2024 at 6:58 am Reply
Dick Tracy: “3040” upside down is “Ohoe,” the criminal mastermind whose head is shaped like both an oboe and a hoe.
MKay
June 25th, 2024 at 7:51 amReply
Mary Worth: I don’t even know what to say any more. Either this arc has reached the stupidity saturation point, or I have.
Unca Bob
June 25th, 2024 at 8:19 amReply
Mary Worth: This seemingly never ending arc is so lame I don’t even bother reading the dialogue any more. I see the same group of dolts or a close up of Mary and scroll on. Baja is great and the snarks are, as ever clever. Moy has long passed “jumping the shark” and is now “dumping the goldfish”.
Garrison Skunk
June 25th, 2024 at 3:56 pm Reply
Marvin: No wonder Marvin is so screwed up, his stink is melting his Grandma.
Needless Exposition
June 26th, 2024 at 4:30 amReply
Alice: Was that the Christmas when Alice dropped acid?
MKay
June 26th, 2024 at 4:31 amReply
Rex Morgan: If Ever there were a tormented lad crying out for The Mirakle Method, we’re lookin at him.
jroggs
June 26th, 2024 at 4:36 amReply
Mary Worth: “You matter. You are valued. You and your call are very important to us. Please continue to hold for the next available representative.”
Bob Tice
June 26th, 2024 at 5:02 amReply
Mary Worth: “And after we take care of this burial-at-sea business, Wilbur, I’m driving you to Sy Sperling’s ‘Hair Club for Men’ outlet. The readership and I have absolutely had it up to here with those god-awful, excruciatingly unsightly hair strands of yours!”
I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV
June 26th, 2024 at 5:18 amReply
Alice: The comic strip for drugs, and the people who love them.
Anonymous
June 26th, 2024 at 6:11 amReply
Gil Thorp: I find it so impossible to remember or care about the characters in Gil Thorpe that I honestly thought their names were Cab and Merlot.
taig
June 26th, 2024 at 6:19 amReply
Beetle Bailey: Once Gen. Halftrack figures out how to sexually harass you over Zoom, he’ll let you work from home. Give him time!
Liam
June 26th, 2024 at 6:48 amReply
Mary Worth: Sadly not seen is the hearse Mary hired to take Stella to the pier.
Ukulele Ike
June 26th, 2024 at 7:11 amReply
Blondie: “I’m quirky and original! And my handbag is swarming with ants.”
2+2=7
June 26th, 2024 at 7:20 amReply
Rex Morgan: Meanwhile Rene is somewhere weeping tears of despair that this kid in his guest appearance has already shown him up on the villainy scale.
TheDiva
June 26th, 2024 at 7:45 amReply
Mary Worth: “Valued” in the sense that his worth has been calculated, and it came out somewhere between “a half-eaten Big Mac left out on the counter all night” and “a puddle in the alley that you hope is just water but let’s be honest, it probably isn’t.”
Just John
June 26th, 2024 at 8:28 amReply
Alice: How has the incomprehensible Andrea E. Beizer not already been named the official Seventh Chik?
Pozzo
June 27th, 2024 at 4:29 am Reply
Gearhead Gertie: That’s Gearhead Gertie’s husband, Papyrus Pete.
jroggs
June 27th, 2024 at 4:34 am Reply
Gearhead Gertie: Don’t you hate it when your wife gets noisy and distracting when you’re trying to read your… treasure map? Royal decree? Magic scroll? Naughty and nice list? Seriously, what the heck is that long single sheet of paper supposed to represent?
Hibbleton
June 27th, 2024 at 4:41 am Reply
Gearhead Gertie: As an Originalist, Mr. Gearhead only reads his copy of the US Constitution in the original format.
The Rambling Otter
June 27th, 2024 at 4:41 am Reply
Gearhead Gertie: Oh, but we read long scrolls everyday, this being a website.
taig
June 27th, 2024 at 4:48 am Reply
Beetle Bailey: Again maybe this is due to color-blindness, but if I saw that the potatoes and the chicken had the same color, I’d too spit out my Tylenol as a reaction.
Dennis Jimenez
June 27th, 2024 at 4:58 am Reply
Beetle Bailey: Masticating Toilet is my death metal rock band name…
Shadow COTW Contenders, Part 3
SabeHombre
June 27th, 2024 at 5:40 am Reply
Gearhead Gertie makes Dagwood and Beetle Bailey look like multi-faceted Renaissance characters. Its a one joke creation that makes Crock look like reading Tolstoy. Just cancel this waste of time and give us more Mary Worth.
Tabby Lavalamp
June 27th, 2024 at 5:54 am Reply
Gearhead Gertie: I’m all for subtle propaganda so I appreciate the Gearhead Gertie team for trying to get people to believe that NASCAR is so exciting that even watching it during an earthquake won’t phase you.
Scott Christian Simmons
June 27th, 2024 at 6:01 am Reply
Gearhead Gertie: I did some research, and I suspect that what Gertie’s husband is holding is intended to represent an ancient artifact known as a ‘newspaper’. Interesting bit of trivia: this was the format in which comics were originally popularized! At one point in human history, literally millions of these were produced every day, evidently primarily for the purpose of distributing copies of ‘Blondie,’ for some reason.
ectojazzmage
June 27th, 2024 at 6:28 am Reply
Beetle Bailey: Unfortunately for Beetle, his stomach’s “early warning system” was actually the early symptoms of stomach cancer.
Flipper
June 27th, 2024 at 8:27 am Reply
Gearhead Gertie: Maybe “I think you need a pit stop” is how Gertie’s husband tells her she needs deodorant.
Horace Broon
June 27th, 2024 at 11:13 am Reply
Pluggers: You’re a Plugger if you wonder if your long, floppy ears are meant to have fur on them because you’ve forgotten you’re a freaking dog!
Artist formerly known as Ben
June 27th, 2024 at 12:56 pm Reply
Beetle Bailey: Cookie’s cooking disgusts everyone but the NCO who looks exactly like him but a little neater. There’s an unauthorized cloning experiment somewhere in Camp Swampy’s deep, dark past.
Guillermo el chiclero
June 27th, 2024 at 2:39 pm Reply
Family Circus: But, Mommy. We can’t pull those. Those are the weeds Daddy smokes.
BigTed
June 28th, 2024 at 4:30 am Reply
Mary Worth: Wait, Dr. Jeff’s boat is now some kind of superyacht? Hang on to him, Mary! Hang on to him hard! I mean, who knew this mild-mannered physician was doing so well in Medicare fraud?
Hibbleton
June 28th, 2024 at 4:36 am Reply
Family Circus: Points to drainage ditch. “And this is the birth canal.”
pugfuggly
June 28th, 2024 at 4:45 am Reply
Family Circus: I can’t tell which is more frightening: Dolly ignorance of the basic facts of life, or Billy’s owl neck…
Charterstoned
June 28th, 2024 at 4:50 am Reply
Family Circus: With all those huge joists and sharp nails sticking out, the poor mommy house is going to need more than just a lousy epidural. Just sayin’.
2+2=7
June 28th, 2024 at 5:05 am Reply
Mary Worth: What can Mary say? She likes big boats and she cannot lie.
Tonio
June 28th, 2024 at 5:12 am Reply
Mary Worth: A superyacht? We see the true nature of the Charterstone world – Jeff is actually a billionaire who pays Mary to carry out mind games on the residents, who are all just playthings in the couple’s diabolical world. They deliberately engineered the death of Wilbur’s fish as a wager to see what it would take to break him.
Liam
June 28th, 2024 at 5:21 am Reply
Mary Worth: And for this occasion Jeff gave his scantily clad crew the day off.
Ettorre
June 28th, 2024 at 5:27 am Reply
Mary Worth: Look how smug Dr Jeff is!
“Eh Wilbur, isn’t it a bit pathetic to sublimate your lack of sex into building an emotional bond with a fish?”
“Yes, but at least I did not spend hundreds of grands on a boat for the same reason”
Lord Flatulence
June 28th, 2024 at 6:09 am Reply
Mary Worth: Ahoy! All aboard the Good Ship Celibate!
taig
June 28th, 2024 at 6:13 am Reply
Mary Worth: Dr. Jeff has traded in his old, smaller, sleeker boat for the SS Overcompensating.
Cleveland Mocks
June 28th, 2024 at 6:56 am Reply
Six Chix: What’s that, the S.S. Technical Support?
matt w
June 28th, 2024 at 7:08 am Reply
Alice: I would very much recommend that future robot designers not put a hand there.
Daily Shadow CsOTW
Saturday
————
pugfuggly
June 22nd, 2024 at 4:39 am Reply
Family Circus: What do you figure Billy has written down on that pad exactly? Do you think he was trying to somehow multiply the words in the ten commandments by 2.54 to see what kind of crazy religious laws they have in France? “Let’s see, carry the ‘covet’, remove the ‘shalt’… does the Lord want Europeans to honor murderous asses? That can’t be right…”
Dennis Jimenez
June 22nd, 2024 at 5:47 am Reply
Family Circus: It’s funny cuz Bil’s vacant eyes show he has no soul and his satanic taskmasters scoff at Billy and his Ten Commandments. I mean, it’s not Beetle Bailey funny, but still funny…
Sunday
———-
Tabby Lavalamp
June 23rd, 2024 at 7:27 am Reply
Have the comics fallen so badly that not only do I appreciate that Shoe contains an actual joke, but I think it’s pretty solid? I long for the days I could have rolled my eyes at it and moved on.
Ukulele Ike
June 23rd, 2024 at 10:02 am Reply
Slylock Fox: Was Count Weirdly celebrating the capture of his nemesis with Russian caviar, blinis, chopped shallot, and sour cream, or just eating a baked potato for lunch?
Monday
———–
Jay Fawley
June 24th, 2024 at 4:59 am Reply
Mary Worth: Dr. Jeff on speaker: “Are we about done here? They shut down the haddock lunch special at the Bum Boat at 1.”
Flipper
June 24th, 2024 at 8:49 amReply
Family Circus: Florence Keane freezes in the doorway to the living room. With her hearing aids absent and her glasses fogged from cooking, it is only the faint scent of peanut butter mixed with urine that alerts her to the evil that awaits within.
Tuesday
———–
Charterstoned
June 25th, 2024 at 5:29 amReply
Mary Worth: As Mary and Wilbur leave for the burial at sea, Ian splutters in apoplectic indignation. “We’re not invited to go on the boat ride??!! That’s the only reason I agreed to attend this funeral farce!!”
LTJpezcore1
June 25th, 2024 at 8:03 amReply
Mary Worth: I’m probably being overly optimistic about the strip, but it does feel like it’s building to something. Something REAL dumb, mind you, but something nonetheless.
Wednesday
—————
Voshkod
June 26th, 2024 at 6:30 amReply
Alice: “Who are you?”
“I’m the ghost from the part of your brain you burned out in the 60s. Do you even remember having a restaurant, Alice?”
taig
June 26th, 2024 at 6:31 amReply
Frazz: Ha ha! Frazz’s smugness had the opposite of the desired effect! Eat it, Frazz! Then get covered in ticks. I hope you get Lyme Disease.
Thursday
————
tallyHO
June 27th, 2024 at 5:42 am Reply
Beetle Bailey: Shaking my head.
Camp Swampy hasn’t caught up with spit guard technology in their bug-infested, probably alligator-littered, mess hall?
2+2=7
June 27th, 2024 at 9:04 am Reply
Rex Morgan: It’s clever of the bully to schedule his beating at the same time as the Mud Murphy concert down at the pool hall, so no adults would be around when he got down to business (for who could resist the sweet siren song that is roots country?)
Friday
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astroboy
June 28th, 2024 at 4:47 am Reply
Mary Worth: After an entire fucking month spent on a dead fucking fish, I am all out of snark. OK, Karen Moy, you win! Now please make it stop. I cry uncle!
Schroduck
June 28th, 2024 at 5:23 am Reply
Alice: Why does that robot have such luscious lips… and why are they at crotch height? Dare I ask what “service” this robot has been hired to do? And worse, dare I ask what was wrong with the service the old hire was providing?
.
.
.
Shadow COTW
——————
Little Guy
June 25th, 2024 at 7:50 amReply
Mary Worth: Wait… they still haven’t dumped the fish??!
Way to go ectojazzmage and the Floaters and Scroters and Shadowers (and thanks, Baja). Always a pleasure. (And snarkless apologies to those I’ve missed this week.)
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
I speak Jive
June 15th, 2024 at 5:21 am Reply
Mary Worth – Imagine that Mary goes to the neighbors, tells them about Stellan, and invites them to the post funeral get together. (She wants to invite them to the actual funeral, but they won’t all fit on the boat.) A sane, normal person would roll on the floor in laughter to the point of tears, then pick themselves up to say, “Are you serious? A funeral for a fucking FISH?!”
jroggs
June 16th, 2024 at 5:05 am Reply
CS: Do you love your dad? Well, he’s going to die. Soon. Happy Father’s Day!
Tracy FlickfuckSequiturJune 16th, 2024 at 5:15 am Reply
Fred Basset Spanish to English.
“Hello, Fifi.
“Man, that is one fine piece of poodle ass!”
Oh fart, fart. Did it again. Got the wrong week. Sorry for that. Will delete as many as I can and start over.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
MKay
June 22nd, 2024 at 5:34 am Reply
MW: “I’m better, now that I can identify the people who are as devoid of a life as I am.”
taig
June 22nd, 2024 at 5:03 am Reply
MW: Sorry for being very contrarian in this post, but that’s not Wilbur’s ego speaking. It’s his survival instinct kicking in. Mary put her hand on Wilbur’s shoulder in a subtly threatening way, as if to say, “It had better have worked, because I put
a lot ofeffort into this. If you don’t say you’re better, well, we know what happened when Aldo refused to get better.”Twinkles the Elf
June 22nd, 2024 at 4:36 am Reply
I think it’s hilarious that the whole gang is dressed for a funeral and they’re about to go out on Dr. Jeff’s speedboat. Combovers whipping in the wind! Salt spray ruining those suits! Mary’s muffins flying overboard! And then they drop the goldfish in the water (with or without the coffin? both equally weird) and a seagull snaps it up. Hilarity ensues!
Needless Exposition
June 22nd, 2024 at 5:43 am Reply
You know, what would be the difference between giving Stellan a “burial at sea” or tossing him into the unused pool at Charterstone? Either way his body is going to be mangled by the ship’s propeller or the pool’s filtration system.
Hibbleton
June 22nd, 2024 at 7:01 am Reply
MW: They arrive at the boat and Dr. Jeff, who has never met Wilbur, asks Mary; “Hey, Where’s the Make-a-Wish kid?”
Voshkod
June 22nd, 2024 at 7:15 am Reply
“Wow, Wilbur, what a surprisingly moving and cathartic funeral for your pet fish. Really made me think about man’s relationship to animals, and the close bonds we can create with them, how their suffering and pain can become ours.
Anyway, who’s hungry? Let’s go over to The Bum Boat for their fish special!”
Cleveland Mocks
June 22nd, 2024 at 6:00 am Reply
MW: “You’re better now??? But how can that be? You’re still an unwanted loser with no sex life, or even love life, or even like life, or even toleration life, or . . . ”
“OKAY, I GET IT, SAUL! AT LEAST I DON’T HAVE TO PORK THAT BLOB SITTING NEXT TO YOU!!!”
brendancalling
June 22nd, 2024 at 6:39 am Reply
Wilbur and Mary are going to fuck, aren’t they?
Baja Gaijin
June 22nd, 2024 at 9:16 am Reply
@36 brendancalling: HA AH AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! Mary Worth letting anyone near her hoo-hoo other than her female gynecologist? HA HA HA HA HA oops I peed a little HA HA HA HA!!!
Bob Tice
June 22nd, 2024 at 4:37 am Reply
FC:
“Well, yes, but there are 101 in Base 3, or the same as the number of Dalmatians in Base 10!”
“Huh?”
Schroduck
June 22nd, 2024 at 5:18 am Reply
Actually Billy, Ten Commandments (aka the One Decacommandment or Thousand Centicommandments) IS the metric version. The US Customary system has Sixteen Moral Ounces, each made up of Thirty Four Religious Barleycorns (or Thirty Eight Religious Grains under the Troy system).
Rocco
June 22nd, 2024 at 5:39 am Reply
Billy must be attending school in Louisiana.
Little Blue Bicycle
June 22nd, 2024 at 5:41 am Reply
FC: Billy is playing his new favorite game, Governor of Louisiana.
Daisy
June 22nd, 2024 at 9:18 am Reply
FC: Billy, the metric system is decimal-based, which means it’s based on “10” units. Be glad the universal numbering system isn’t hexadecimal or you’d have 16 commandments instead of 10. And I guarantee one of those sixteen would be “Thou shalt not be as stupid as Billy Keane.”
Bad wolf
June 22nd, 2024 at 5:46 am Reply
FC is written all backwards: the metric system is all about powers of ten! Something more like “Were there TWELVE commandments BEFORE the metric system?” would at least get you into the right ballpark.
pugfuggly
June 22nd, 2024 at 4:39 am Reply
FC: What do you figure Billy has written down on that pad exactly? Do you think he was trying to somehow multiply the words in the ten commandments by 2.54 to see what kind of crazy religious laws they have in France? “Let’s see, carry the ‘covet’, remove the ‘shalt’… does the Lord want Europeans to honor murderous asses? That can’t be right…”
BB: I like this new kind of joke, where instead of using that tired old set-up/punchline format, you can just string together two statements with a very tenuous ‘also’. “I ate too much at dinner”/”Also, your house is on fire!” See? Hilarious!
Needless Exposition
June 22nd, 2024 at 6:43 am Reply
@brendancalling: If it keeps them both away from society, then they can fuck in a barrel going down Niagara Falls.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
jroggs
June 22nd, 2024 at 5:13 am Reply
Luann: Get it? Do you get it? Brad wants to put peepee in hoohoo lots of times! Like, more than once! Haha! SEX! Am I right or what, fellow middle schoolers?
The Quiet Man
June 22nd, 2024 at 7:08 am Reply
RMMD: Who was it a few days ago who predicted that Flattop Jughead is going to ambush Parker the second he leaves Buck ‘Beanpole’ Jr.’s line of sight? It looks like they were right on the money. Join us tomorrow for another Very Special Episode of ‘Rex Degrassi M.D.’!
Pozzo
June 23rd, 2024 at 4:40 am Reply
Shoe: At least Muffy had the decency to cross her legs before leaning forward, the better to not look like she’s humping the counter.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Needless Exposition
June 23rd, 2024 at 4:25 am Reply
Marvin: I mean, there’s no reason you can’t just take Marvin to the bowling alley and trade him in for a ball. He’d probably fetch a decent trade in before he ruins it by shitting everywhere.
MW: I can see why Mary chose the guest list to be three senior citizens and Toby. The putrid smell of defrosted goldfish is masked by multiple other sources from the decaying elderly to soiled Depends, all mingling with the camphor Mary keeps in her living room. Only those poor dogs can smell the true horror of that room.
The Butt ReportSequiturJune 23rd, 2024 at 5:16 am Reply
The Family Circus Spanish to English.
‘I’ll turn this back and Mom won’t know you used her vibrator.”
“But it runs on batteries!”
“Oh. You’re on your own.”
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
jroggs
June 25th, 2024 at 4:38 am Reply
RMMD: Given the previous numerous references to 1930s pop culture, I was hoping that the eventual fistfight would see Parker unleashing his inner Stooge with a barrage of eye pokes, nose pinches, and foot stomps to pick apart and utterly defeat the more conventional Haw Haw Boy. But Terry Beatty is a boring person whose idea of funny is “’What’s up?’ ‘As always, the sky,’” so instead we’re doing… whatever this is. Well, intentional or not, it is pretty amusing to see Haw Haw Boy triumphantly no-selling Parker’s mightiest punch like a stage performer who just called someone up from the audience.
Twinkles the Elf
June 25th, 2024 at 4:38 am Reply
Huh? I thought Marvin was a preverbal infant. And now he’s making fatuous, self-serving comments in complete sentences like a common Jeffy Keane? I’m sorry, I’m going back to bed.
Liam
June 25th, 2024 at 5:15 am Reply
FC-Dolly, that’s not what your mom meant when she said that this lady Hoovers the neighborhood.
taig
June 25th, 2024 at 5:26 am Reply
FC: “It’s also got one of those self-emptying bags. Jeffy, no!”
MW: I’m looking forward to Wilbur throwing a tantrum on the docks because he doesn’t want to get on Jeff’s boat.
TheDiva
June 25th, 2024 at 6:36 am Reply
MW: That silly little cocktail party was supposed to be a “wake”? No wonder Ian was so pissed; he was hoping to get a few good shots of Irish whisky or at least a pint of Guinness out of the deal.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
ectojazzmage
June 25th, 2024 at 5:16 am Reply
Hi And Lois: Strips like this convince me that the people who write newspaper comics are generally quite desperate to find whatever reason they can to convince themselves that the younger generations suck and theirs was so much better, and as the years have gone by, they’ve only gotten more and more labored about it. “Fucking kids and their… their, uh… their decent work hours that they can customize so it works better for them. In my day, work sucked and treated us like shit, and we liked it!”
Little Blue Bicycle
June 25th, 2024 at 6:39 am Reply
GT: “Hi I’m Beth.”
“Hi I’m Mimi.”
Their eyes meet. “Love is a Many Splendored Thing” begins playing.
“Not again,” Gil moans.
Needless Exposition
June 26th, 2024 at 4:30 am Reply
MW: Mary’s hoping that if she repeats her usual mantra of lies, Wilbur won’t ask for McDonalds and throw a tantrum because they’re not serving Happy Meals.
MKay
June 26th, 2024 at 4:31 am Reply
MW: Here we go again. It makes me wonder if Sisyphus managed to convince himself that he was actually helping the boulder.
jroggs
June 26th, 2024 at 4:36 am Reply
MW: “You matter. You are valued. You and your call are very important to us. Please continue to hold for the next available representative.”
Charterstoned
June 26th, 2024 at 4:50 am Reply
MW: At a loss for anything actually sincere to say to Wilbur, Mary reads aloud from yard signs as they pass through an upscale residential neighborhood.
Hibbleton
June 26th, 2024 at 5:01 am Reply
MW: Mary asks; “Is that the stick shift Wilbur or are you just glad to be here?”
Bob Tice
June 26th, 2024 at 5:02 am Reply
MW:
“And after we take care of this burial-at-sea business, Wilbur, I’m driving you to Sy Sperling’s ‘Hair Club for Men’ outlet. The readership and I have absolutely had it up to here with those god-awful, excruciatingly unsightly hair strands of yours!”
Unca Bob
June 26th, 2024 at 5:15 am Reply
@Bob Tice:
MW: OR, just buy him a hat. With a snappy phrase like “I’m With Stupid” or “I Breakdown For Fish”.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
pugfuggly
June 26th, 2024 at 5:19 am Reply
GT I’m sorry, I’m still reeling st a woman in this strip taling about ‘getting wet’. My eyes usually start to glaze over when I read this one so I’m really starting to wonder how many other filthy asides I’ve missed.
Old School Allie Cat
June 26th, 2024 at 5:39 am Reply
@pugfuggly:
I’m really starting to wonder how many other filthy asides I’ve missed.
I think this is fairly uncharted territory, Thorpwise. I was also surprised with this. And I have a filthy mind that can make innuendo out of nothing.
nescio
June 26th, 2024 at 5:50 am Reply
I’d like to think that “Don’t get him wet” is a well-understood unspoken rule about Gil. I certainly don’t want to hear anyone utter it again.
Tabby Lavalamp
June 26th, 2024 at 6:02 am Reply
I’m much happier with the idea that Gil Thorp breeds by getting wet instead of having the image of him having sex getting stuck in my mind.
Liam
June 26th, 2024 at 6:43 am Reply
Gil Thorp-“Don’t get him wet.” Interestingly Gil won’t get her wet at all.
Anonymous
June 26th, 2024 at 6:11 am Reply
I find it so impossible to remember or care about the characters in Gil Thorpe that I honestly thought their names were Cab and Merlot.
astroboy
June 26th, 2024 at 6:49 am Reply
GT- “I greet everyone this way. Oh, look! Here come Char and Sauvi! And I saw Zin just yesterday.”
bartorama
June 26th, 2024 at 7:05 am Reply
GT: Oh, I thought she was house sitting for two cats (“Cab” and “Merlot”) or something given the instructions…
Voshkod
June 26th, 2024 at 7:27 am Reply
“The Dowe.” Possible reference to Mount Dowe in Australia, or the Dowe area of Montgomery, Alabama. Or a mistransliteration of dhow, a small sailing vessel common to the Red Sea, which is about to carry Emily off to the Pasha’s seraglio in Constantinople.
taig
June 26th, 2024 at 7:32 am Reply
I wonder if Emily is well enDowed…
Downpuppy
June 26th, 2024 at 5:00 am Reply
The Dow is an LPGA Pairs tournament this week in Midland, Michigan. Gil Thorp is uncomfortably close to reality.
[Scrote Note: So the Hammer knows more about sports than he lets on but is bad at spelling?]
TheDiva
June 26th, 2024 at 7:09 am Reply
@Downpuppy: That makes more sense than my guess, which is that Mimi and Mimi’s Lesbian Midlife Crisis Girlfriend (Erika? I think her name is Erika) were headed to the Department of Water and Energy to demand the Milford Country Club be exempt from sprinkler restrictions.
Liam
June 26th, 2024 at 5:56 am Reply
Blondie-“Hey! That’s my only business card! Do you have any idea how long it took to make?”
taig
June 26th, 2024 at 6:19 am Reply
BB: Once Gen. Halftrack figures out how to sexually harass you over Zoom, he’ll let you work from home. Give him time!
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
jroggs
June 27th, 2024 at 4:34 am Reply
RMMD: Cory may outwardly pretend he’s above all this school violence, but he lets the mask slip a bit as makes his way down the halls doing a flamboyant finger-snapping strut like he’s getting ready for a rumble between the Sharks and the Jets.
Hibbleton
June 27th, 2024 at 4:41 am Reply
Gearhead G.: As an Originalist, Mr Gearhead only reads his copy of the US Constitution in the original format.
Stop Motion Cyclops
June 27th, 2024 at 4:41 am Reply
GG: Gertie loves massive car wrecks, her husband loves the Magna Carta
Needless Exposition
June 27th, 2024 at 4:31 am Reply
BB: I feel like every single meal that Cookie makes is reminiscent of the Seinfeld episode where Frank Costanza has a PTSD flashback from his army cook days when his expired food sent sixteen men to the latrines. Cookie keeps trying to beat that record and his personal best is unable to be counted on his fingers and toes.
Doghouse Reilly (Minneapolis)
June 27th, 2024 at 4:53 am Reply
Beetlejuice Bailey: Tomorrow’s will feature Cookie sulking on the mess hall roof.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Hibbleton
June 27th, 2024 at 5:12 am Reply
MW: “I kinda lost hope, Mary; but it turns out I was only melancholic and melancholy is a misfortune not a fault.”
“And you certainly have a whole lot of (Mary does air quotes) ‘misfortunes’, Wilbur.”
The Quiet Man
June 28th, 2024 at 4:47 am Reply
JP: Aaaaanndd we’re right back to being pissy. Being rich and privileged is a real pain in the rear, isn’t it?
RMMD: Wow. Just… wow. He threw one punch and RAN AWAY?? Is this going to turn into some twisted ‘he picks on you because he LIKES you!’ bull where we cut to Flattop Jughead cowering in a corner sniveling and waxing poetic like Helga G. Pataki? ‘What have I DONE? Now they’ll never go out with me! Oh curse my beligerent nature borne of my traumatic homelife!’
And good grief Buck Beanpole Jr. Parker is lying unconscious on the floor. How do you THINK he’s doing?
Beatty never fails to find another layer when you think his stories hit rock bottom.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Kevin on Earth
June 28th, 2024 at 4:33 am Reply
GT: Are you a Plugger if you understand this, or don’t understand this?
Enormous Dump
June 28th, 2024 at 5:33 am Reply
Today’s Pluggers would work a lot better if said Plugger were sitting on a toilet.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Liam
June 28th, 2024 at 5:21 am Reply
FC-“Now let’s see if that Jimmy Carter person is around here somewhere.”
Schroduck
June 28th, 2024 at 5:23 am Reply
FC: I refuse to believe the Keanes would live in a neighborhood that would allow a new house to be built within its boundary.
Pozzo
June 28th, 2024 at 4:32 am Reply
FC: “You see, Sweetie — when a Mommy house and a Daddy house really love each other…”
Ettorre
June 28th, 2024 at 4:34 am Reply
I guess the Keane kids can know about the actual process of the baby growing in the womb/the house being assembled, but they cannot yet know the nasty and disgusting thing preceding the process — the sex/the fight with the zoning commission.
Hibbleton
June 28th, 2024 at 4:36 am Reply
FC: Points to drainage ditch. “And this is the birth canal.”
TheDiva
June 28th, 2024 at 6:03 am Reply
FC: Of course the house is born; did you think it slowly emerges over time through a series of gradual changes that adapt it to its environment and purpose? Dolly knows better than to spout that kind of heresy.
KMD
June 28th, 2024 at 5:34 am Reply
FC: While Dolly is talking about how houses reproduce, Billy is clearly under the control Pazuzu as his neck begins to spin like Linda Blair’s in “The Exorcist.”
BigTed
June 28th, 2024 at 4:30 am Reply
Family Circus: Oh, great, the punkinheads are playing in unfinished building sites! I guess parents really did allow “free-range kids” back in the 1970s, or whenever this panel was originally published. (Hint: That house will sell for $15,000.)
Mary Worth: Wait, Dr. Jeff’s boat is now some kind of superyacht? Hang on to him, Mary! Hang on to him hard! I mean, who knew this mild-mannered physician was doing so well in Medicare fraud?
George the Archon
June 28th, 2024 at 4:33 am Reply
That oddly ominous set-up, that odd “burial at sea” emphasis, the collection of all the people who Wilbur has driven to the edge of despair over the years…
…They’re going to try to dump Wilbur over the side in international waters aren’t they?
Honestly, I’d be down for that.
Ned Ryerson
June 28th, 2024 at 4:44 am Reply
MW: The comedy take would be for the huge yacht to pull away to reveal Jeff’s tiny dinghy, bobbing next to the dock. We already know though that Jeff’s vessel is adequately sized…at least Mary’s never had any complaints.
Maybe Jeff sold the hospital and bought a rich dick yacht. That’s how things work, right?
Charterstoned
June 28th, 2024 at 4:34 am Reply
MW: Jeff gives his “Heil, Mary!” salute as he welcomes Wilbur and Mary aboard. He’s careful not to show his true feelings about this ridiculously absurd and incredibly expensive event, but privately wishes his leader, her pathetic neighbor, and the dead fish could all go overboard. He wonders if his having removed those four screws from the railing will do the trick….
Kevin on Earth
June 28th, 2024 at 4:33 am Reply
MW: Mary: “There he is! Oddly, standing next to his boat.”
pugfuggly
June 28th, 2024 at 4:45 am Reply
MW: Hmm, no sign of the other mourners. Maybe they figured out that this wasn’t going to be an Irish wake, and quietly slipped away during the walk.
Hibbleton
June 28th, 2024 at 5:59 am Reply
MW: Sure, a semi-retired doctor owning an eight-figure yacht is one thing but him not wearing a scrambled eggs hat whenever he’s near the thing is going too far.
I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV
June 28th, 2024 at 5:13 am Reply
Mary Worth: A goldfish. A freaking goldfish is receiving a send-off fit for emperor. A freaking goldfish is receiving a send-off fit for emperor because his former owner is too emotionally fragile to deal with even the mildest loss or regret, and too stupid to seek psychiatric care. If and only if this month + narrative has all been a setup for an EAT THE RICH message, it will have been worth the ride.
astroboy
June 28th, 2024 at 4:47 am Reply
MW – After an entire fucking month spent on a dead fucking fish, I am all out of snark. OK, Karen Moy, you win! Now please make it stop. I cry uncle!
Lord Flatulence
June 28th, 2024 at 6:09 am Reply
Mary Worth: Ahoy! All aboard the Good Ship Celibate!
Old School Allie Cat
June 28th, 2024 at 6:15 am Reply
MW – “Is that Jeff’s huge dinghy?”
taig
June 28th, 2024 at 6:13 am Reply
MW: Dr. Jeff has traded in his old, smaller, sleeker boat for the SS Overcompensating.
Special Scrotal Awards to the Best No. 69 and Beyond of the Week
69. anon
June 22nd, 2024 at 8:12 am Reply
MW: Better get this sad freak show on the road, folks. That fish has thawed out and it isn’t smelling too great while all of you babble at Wilbur.
69. TheDiva
June 24th, 2024 at 6:41 am Reply
FC: My grandma used to cheat when she played my brother and I at Candy Land. Specifically, she would stack the card deck to make sure the game wouldn’t last any longer than it had to. I suspect Grandma Keane is going to pull an inverse move on Jeffy, and that much of her “looking” will consist of sipping a strong cocktail and catching up on The Young and the Restless.
Special Scrotal Awards to the Best No. 69 and Beyond of the Week
69. Arabella
June 27th, 2024 at 6:45 am Reply
FC: I’m with Jeffy. It’s crazy to get out in the mid-day Arizona sun to pull weeds. Put a hat and some sunscreen on that child! Better yet, xeriscape your yard with native plants (including “weeds”) and live with your environment.
69. Weaselboy
June 28th, 2024 at 6:15 am Reply
MW – A three-hour tour. A three-hour tour.
Congrats to ectojazzmage, to the honorable mentions and to all the funny commenters, and thanks to Baja and Scratchy for the shout-outs!
Great Mee-Meow! I got Shadow COTW, and they still haven’t dumped the fish! Thanks for everything, all!
Congratulations on the Comment of the Week, ectojazzmage!
Congrats on the SCotW, Little Guy!
Thanks for the mentions, Baja and Scratchy!
Thanks to Scratchy, Baja, and our host.
Thanks, Baja and Scratchy!
Thanks to LXIX to bolstering my fragile self-esteem for another week. Excellent snark to all the floaters, shadowers and scroters, especially given the dearth of decent source material this week.
Sheesh, you guys made me look up “midrash,” “sedevacantist,” and “Merovingian” all in one day! It’s like some kind of educational conspiracy.
Thanks Josh (and Baja, and Scratchy), and congrats to the many fine COTWs!
Thanks, Scratchy and Baja.
Have a good weekend, all. If life comes at you too fast, just remember to slow down, relax, and kick back with a good long sheet of parchment.
Thanks Josh, Baja and Scratchy!
Great work, ectojazzmage! Congrats on COTW, and kudos to the runners-up, those lurking in the shadows, and to the folks satisfying that annoying itch with hilarious commentary! Thanks for the mentions, Baja and Scratchy, and especially for the Tuesday shout-out, Baja!
Nothing can kill the Grimace!
Congrats to ectojazzmage and my fellow floaters and thanks, Scratchy!
@Peanut Gallery: Obscure and vaguely occult religious and medieval terms are playing to the judge around here. I think this is my second runner-up referencing the Merovingians.
Oops. And thanks, Josh!
Thanks Josh, Baja, and Scratchy for all the highlights and the mentions. Funny stuff!
Congratulations to ectojazzmage and t’others on the float. Also to my fellow shadow-ies and scratchies. Tips of the beret to Blackdrazon, Tabby Lavalamp, and Dan.
Congrats to ectojazzmage, everyone on the float, my fellow shadowfloaters and the scratchies! Broon Croons to Tabby Lavalamp, TheDiva, and Voshkod!
@Baja Gaijin: Alice: (Dan Ackroyd’s voice) “Greetings, Earth woman type creature, I am Fred Garvin,Robot Prostitute.Please enjoy my Bassamatic’76 five tipped member.”
(Don Pardo’s voice) “Tune in next week for another exciting adventure featuring FRED GARVIN, ROBOT PROSTITUTE”
NB See Us THIS FALL!
Thankyees to Baja and Scratchy!
Thank you very much for the mention, Baja!
I DO have value!
Thanks, Baja and Scratchy!
Thanks Baja! Congrats to the true winners.
Thanks, Baja & Scratchy!
Somewhat surprised my Thursday JP “freshen up” comment didn’t make it. I thought that had Scratchy Scrotum LXIX written all OVER it.
Wow, this was a very impressive week! Tossed colorful flower petals for all the fine, fine winning comments and those who select and present them for our delectation.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Oh fart, fart. Did it again. Oh fart, fart. Did it again.
_
fart fart, fizz fizz, oh what a relief it is.
“Teacher says every time you get a combined Britney Spears/Alka Seltzer reference in a snark a scrotum gets his scratch.”- Speedy Alka Seltzer.
©2024 Miles Labs Inc.
Thanks for the mentions!
Thank you for the mentions, Baja and Scratchy, and congrats to all what float, as opposed to those who wait dead in R’lyeh dreaming. ectojazzmage, you sure know how to crack an old monster up! You will go insane first.
@Ukulele Ike: Now I’ll have to look. Might have missed that one.
@Peanut Gallery: Yeah, me too, and also “R’lyeh.” It was exhausting.
@Poteet: If you haven’t read H.P. Lovecraft, you’re going to miss half the references around here.
Who knew comic strip nerds were also HPL nerds?
— Uke, resident champion of the Innsmouth Swim Team
@Ukulele Ike: But, but, isn’t HPL scary? I don’t know much but I’m pretty sure HPL is scary. I’m becoming more of a weenie as I age. The last Stephen King short story I read a few years ago left me whimpering. In another ten years, I won’t able to handle anything stronger than Jane Austen.