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It’s Friday? And that means it’s COTW time? You know it’s COTW time.

“Dr. Jeff notices Mary eating her dessert with a canapé fork and immediately calls 911 after disconnecting. ‘Hurry! She’s nuts I tell ya!’” –Hibbleton

And you know it’s runners up time too! All good stuff!

“It was the least we could do — literally! Now, we’ll need to see a doctor’s note before we’ll come within 50 feet of you again. Love you, Mary!” –MKay

“Well, of course there are five clams in Santa hats! Good God, man, don’t you ever read the Bible?” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“Floppy-haired semi-sleeveless T-shirt dude looks so sad about the proceedings. Turn that frown upside down! You haven’t yet been stabbed or bitten!” –matt w

“I don’t mean to downplay the emotional importance of Lois’ story, but Hi’s interest in the football game does have more material importance to the family and its future, at least if I am correctly reading his baggy-eyed expression as a sign he bet the next six months of mortgage payments on a prop bet for Broncos’ kicker Wil Lutz making this field goal.” –Philip

“Oops, looks like Snuffy tripped over his dog and fell right onto his Roland TR-909 drum machine. Who knew that Hilly Billy House was so big in Hootin Holler?” –pugfuggly

“Sent my mind down an absurd rabbit hole imagining an article in the future about how most readers don’t know why Mary Worth is called that since the original cast hasn’t been seen in decades, after it became about Wilbur falling into a sinkhole to Hollow Earth, unable to return.” –Jake Nelson, on Twitter

“I fail to see the irony. Beetle’s ancestors came over because of a potato famine, and it worked! Now Beetle has more potatoes than in the dreams of Olwen! If Beetle were lining up to buy fries from Killer at $25 an ounce, now that would be ironic.” –White Rabbit

“I’m extremely grateful for that bottom caption in Alice that clears things up after Alice’s reply, ‘Just don’t tell Mr. Bossman.’ For a second there, I was going to tell Mr. Bossman! Thanks, caption at the bottom!” –Chance

“In the first panel, this is just a harmless prank. In the second panel, the handle from the trashcan lid and the steering wheel from the truck have both been removed, so the trashman can neither defend himself nor escape.” –jroggs

“Mr. Bossman is the perfect nemesis of modern women, since he incarnates the authoritarian and hierarchical power of both capitalism and patriarchy. Believe me, it makes sense if you know Jungian archetypes! Or if you smoke the good stuff.” –Ettorre

“I haven’t read Alice before, I like the whole general vibe of her skull. It’s like when a comic book character has fire instead of hair, then an action figure designer has to figure out how the hell you do that, and the result is, like … mostly a head? You can call that a head, sure. You can tell the colorist is doing their best.” –Dan

“I thought the internet was killing print newspapers but only printing two pages, one of which is nothing but headline? That ain’t helping.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Get in Gerard’s head. As soon as the ball is snapped, run full steam towards the Goshen sidelines and give that POS coach a concussion!” –seismic-2

“Gil’s idea of psychological mind-games is apparently just doing regular coach stuff, which probably explains why he’s so terrible at both coaching and psyching out the enemy.” –ectojazzmage

“For a moment, I thought the first word was ‘Merde!’, which opened up the potentialities of an intriguing new world of French intellectualist cynicism for Rex Morgan, M.D. [sighs] For a moment.” –odinthor

“Chip must have been the easiest baby to raise ever. ‘Just stop crying!’ ‘[sigh] Okay.’” –Joe Blevins

“Just wait until he finds out The Ghost Who Drinks is lactose intolerant. A pint of that milk stout and the Phantom will be launching gas attacks for hours.” –teenchy

“‘I know what I did was stupid’ should replace ‘This serial comic strip … features a no-nonsense, upstanding lawyer who stoically handles drama inside and outside of the courtroom’ as the syndicate’s official Judge Parker synopsis.” –Where’s Rocky?

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