Metapost: May flowers COTW
Post Content
Spring has sprung (not eligible in all areas), and now it’s time for the comment of the week!
“YES! The grueling, meaningless life uneventful!! That’s the ticket!!!” –Dennis Jimenez
And the very funny runners up!
“I like how Dagwood immediately gets back into bed after doing his one thing for his wife on Mother’s Day. I mean, it was assumed that he wouldn’t be doing the laundry, but he wants to make it crystal clear.” –pugfuggly
“Today’s strips show the duality of Comic Strip Time: I am torn between pointing out that Thel should be listening to a phone, not a boombox, and observing that having Dagwood say ‘chillax’ should be punishable by death.” –matt w
“I get that ‘Old Turtle’ is Boss Tweed, but I’m pretty sure the merry-go-round in the center was supposed to be labeled ‘Teapot Dome.’ Whoever’s in charge of maintaining the Thomas Nast Playground is falling down on the job.” –Peanut Gallery
“Big Daddy Keane has not yet given Thel the Mother’s Day gift she most longs for: a vasectomy.” –Ettorre
“Just spitballing here, but if I’m a homicidal maniac, the focus of my rage would shift to whoever in nearest proximity has just eaten a garlic-cheddar concoction.” –Hibbleton
“I see Plugger Bear and Plugger Kangaroo are watching the movie Spotlight. No, not the 2015 film about the Boston Globe’s investigation into sex abuse in the Diocese of Boston which won an Oscar for Best Picture, but the 2019 movie that just features a spotlight shining for 215 minutes of blinding headaches which nevertheless took first place at a film festival for moths.” –Voshkod
“Honestly, if I become a ghost and it turns out I can still eat, I’m basically going to be Slimer from Ghostbusters. I’m not going to think ‘What’s a healthy breakfast cereal for ghosts that’s low in sugar and good for the digestive system?’ I’m already dead! Who cares?” –Horace Broon
“The real horror will come when they remodel the house and make everything in there flat gray.” –Liam
“The artist put the finishing touches on the haunted house … it was perfect … he could add nothing more. He stared wistfully at his framed degree of Fine Arts from UCLA hanging on the wall of his cubicle, then took a long drink from the bottle he kept in his desk and then sketched in the generic, nearly featureless people and background. He would take an early and a long lunch today weeping in the supply closet.” –Old Man Shadow
“Ahhhhhhh! Weird, looming close-up of Rex Morgan’s nurse lady! Is … is she about to eat my village?” –A Grave Mind
“This strip is painfully out of touch with modern parenting. In reality, there would be precisely one thing Marvin wants to watch, and he would demand to watch it over and over and over and over again. If Jenny’s lucky, it’ll be Bluey. If she’s unlucky, it’ll some unbearable CGI Chinese nursery rhyme slop. If she wished on a monkey’s paw, it’ll be video games. Marvin, too young to understand the mechanics of Mario but yelling at her to do impossible things and jump on spikes repeatedly, then crying every time Mario dies.” –Schroduck
“Augie has now involved a women’s shelter in an active homicide investigation. Not only will the shelter workers have to deal with the cops (who will impound the truck and then auction it off later), they’ll also have to do extra paperwork. And then if the police report and/or court transcript makes their physical address public, they’ll have to relocate for security purposes. So yeah, way to go, Mr. Nice Guy … you just single-handedly shut down the local women’s shelter. Your Nobel Prize is in the mail.” –Veronica!
“Marvin, the first comic of the post-feminism regime, where a woman’s place is being squeezed onto a love seat with her father while her son — literally and with obvious delight — shits on her.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women
“I love that Shoe in general, and the Perfesser in particular, have always been ’70s coded and clearly the product of a political cartoonist. The Perfesser looks like Walter Matthau portraying Tip O’Neill.” –Cris (without an H), on BlueSky
“This isn’t some light self-deprecation from Hi; that’s some serious self-pity. You can tell by the way the Mood Wallpaper has turned from green to yellow.” –Guts Dozier
“I’m not surprised that the Perfesser takes ‘seasick pills’ (aka prescription-grade muscle relaxers) in the bath, since that probably increases the relaxing high. It may not be worth the risk of drowning, but to each their own.” –BigTed
“That’s right, Leroy, keep it up. Hostas thrive on shade.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV
“That’s not a spoon. That’s a straw. Martha has finally decided to wire George’s jaw shut. This time the diet will work, God damn it! Why she decided to also sew his eyes shut is less clear.” –moscowtheclown
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46 replies to “Metapost: May flowers COTW”
Congrats on the CotW, DJ!
Thanks Josh, and thanks Scratchy (and hopefully Baja), and Voshkudos to Dennis Jimenez, Peanut Gallery, Horace Broon, Old Man Shadow, Veronica!, and I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV.
Well-deserved win for the master of the One-Line Snark!
Congrats dennis and everyone!
I’m just happy it’s Friday, but also, I knew matt w, and Cthulhu would make make the short list. Well played.
Thanks, Josh.
Thanks, Scratchy!
Thanks Baja!
Thanks Josh!
Thanks, Anonymous!
With Schroduck’s comment on Marvin, this awakened a memory of when my Nephew was a baby, all he ever did was want me to read him the Dr. Suess book “Fox in Socks”
Anyone who knows that book, knows that’s its basically one long tongue twister and is probably one of the more difficult books to read to a toddler. He wanted me to just read it over and over…
@The Rambling Otter: That’s when you start doing accents and tone. By the 500th reading of Goodnight Moon I was reading it as a horror story.
“Good . . . night, moon.”
@Voshkod: Try “Go the Fuck to Sleep.”
Thanks Josh (and Old School Allie), and congratulations to DJ and the rest of the float!
@The Rambling Otter: At least it wasn’t “Too Many Daves” (from The Sneetches), which is gets the reader to build up an unstoppable forward momentum into “Zanzibar Buck-Buck McFate,” which you will spoonerize in the worst way possible.
@Voshkod: I had a plan to grimdark Goodnight Moon but Daniel Lavery did it perfect.
Way to go Adios Amigos DJ. And to the floaters. Please enjoy the come-inducing Scroters:
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Gil Bates
May 10th, 2025 at 4:43 am Reply
PMP: “The bench rescued my heart after JD Vance stole my couch from me”
The Rambling Otter
May 10th, 2025 at 5:44 am Reply
After the trial, the chair and bench are going to get a drink at the side-bar?
taig
May 10th, 2025 at 6:57 am Reply
PMP: They’ve both got wood for each other! (this works even worse if they’re both made of particle board)
Charterstoned
May 10th, 2025 at 4:47 am Reply
MW: After carefully grooming Dawn for months with her vegan cooking, and hoping the tofu ricotta has created the right moment, Mary decides to make her move on the young woman: “Do you want to STAY with me?” Unsurprisingly, Dawn misreads the bold emphasis, and only hears “Do you want to stay with ME?” as Mary’s offer for a temporary, alternative living arrangement, rather than the lifetime commitment Mary is seeking, and unknowingly averts disaster with an emphatic “No.”
Hibbleton
May 10th, 2025 at 4:54 am Reply
MW: “No thanks, Mary;” says Dawn as she gets up to leave. “By the way, do you have any drain cleaner? We seem to be out.”
Kirk Out
May 10th, 2025 at 4:39 am Reply
MW: Am I the only one hoping the current storyline ends in a kill or be killed scenario in which the two combatants armed with butcher knives stalk each other around some foggy night at Charterstone? Meanwhile Wilbur oblivious to it all faraway is at the Karaoke bar singing joyfully “La Vida Loca.”
Cleveland Mocks
May 10th, 2025 at 10:01 am Reply
MW: At the wake, Mary delivers a touching eulogy. “She was so brave. One of the last things she ever said to me was, ‘I refuse to run from my own home.’ If only she’d taken my advice . . . [SOB]”
Schroduck
May 10th, 2025 at 5:38 am Reply
MW: “I refuse to run from my own home!”? Chill out, Dawn, Mary lives just down the corridor. You can probably still hear Wilbur and Belle screwing through the HVAC!
All of Mankind
May 10th, 2025 at 6:38 am Reply
NOTICE:
Can we please have a moratorium on “endearing quirks” references? This phrase has been beaten to death to the point where it is not funny, it is tedious and annoying. It is the equivalent of Playoffs??? and Practice? in the sports world.
Thank you for your cooperation.
ectojazzmage
May 10th, 2025 at 6:44 am Reply
Mary Worth: I’m genuinely impressed that Mary is actually listening to what Dawn is saying instead of just saying Belle’s murder attempts are “endearing quirks” and encouraging her to just sit and take it.
ectojazzmage
May 10th, 2025 at 6:45 am Reply
@All of Mankind: Oops.
Endearing Quirks
May 10th, 2025 at 7:06 am Reply
@All of Mankind:
Person who doesn’t at all understand the snarky nature of the comments section of this site that they do not own, tries to enforce arbitrary rules and demand “cooperation.” I’d write that off as an endearing quirk, but it’s more like an annoying quirk, not an endearing quirk. Hopefully your future comments will be more endearingly quirky.
The Quiet Man
May 10th, 2025 at 5:24 am Reply
RMMD: Welp, that was easy! Next week we’re gonna see what Buck’s been up to all these months, aren’t we? Will Kelly’s new beau turn out to be Buck’s son from another mother? (Seriously, except for the hair they all look the exact flippin’ same!!)
Ukulele Ike
May 10th, 2025 at 5:24 am Reply
RMMD: Don’t hate on the Hankie. Rosie has terrible hay fever and needs to keep a snot rag handy.
Don’t judge; she shampoos daily.
astroboy
May 10th, 2025 at 5:50 am Reply
RMMD: Office ladies at car repair shops do not dress like the mechanics. I know this because my girlfriend is one. RMMD just has a fetish for women with funny things on their heads.
treetown
May 10th, 2025 at 7:18 am Reply
RMMD: OK – so this new lady in Niki’s life is slightly older? Give credit to June Lockhart – she has range and longevity. She was in Lost in Space, the end of Petticoat Junction, and Lassie, and now RMMD.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
lynn
May 10th, 2025 at 5:51 am Reply
Family Circus: Daddy doesn’t want the neighbors to know he drives a ‘Tessler’.
Hibbleton
May 10th, 2025 at 5:59 am Reply
FC: Jeffy addresses PJ; “after you were born Daddy started putting a raincoat on his motor.”
taig
May 10th, 2025 at 7:01 am Reply
FC: Geez, this strip has gotten filthy! Oh… “tucking.”
Guillermo el chiclero
May 10th, 2025 at 8:08 am Reply
FC: No, Jeffy. He doesn’t want the neighbors to see he still drives a 1980s Plymouth Voyager minivan.
GT: Now we know why Coach Gonads prefers that permed hairdo. It helps hide a receding hairline. Guess it beats a combover.
ValdVin
May 10th, 2025 at 6:47 am Reply
H&L: Ooh, Halfway House? Does Thirsty want to foreshadow that heavily? At least its not called the Drunk Tank.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
TheDiva
May 10th, 2025 at 8:02 am Reply
Dustin: Meg, honey, your breasts are shaped like pieces of a Toblerone bar, your spine and shoulders are permanently bowed from bending over your phone all day, and the only time you open your mouth is when you want to say something mean to or about someone. I’m just saying, glass houses and all that…
Baja Gaijin
May 10th, 2025 at 8:35 am Reply
@63 TheDiva: on Dustin: Are you proposing we refer to Dustin’s sister as “Toblerone Tits” from now on?
MKay
May 10th, 2025 at 8:57 am Reply
HEATHCLIFF: “Why does this ham smell like cat pee?”
I speak Jive
May 10th, 2025 at 10:09 am Reply
JP – Nicetomeetcha. Where’s my graduation gift?
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Hibbleton
May 12th, 2025 at 4:32 am Reply
Chix (sic):
Trees Trimmed
BushesHedges Cut —You’ll thank me later. -Ed.Mustaches Groomed
Fingernails Clipped
Laser Hair Removal
MKay
May 12th, 2025 at 4:38 am Reply
MW: No judging, now. Wilbur ONLY gets that mag for the articles. And The Fishbowl Forum.
Astroboy
May 12th, 2025 at 5:37 am Reply
Belle could literally serve Wilbur a dinner of Filet of Willa, plated on the defaced picture of Dawn, and Wilbur would still sit there with that dopey grin on his mug, dreaming of doing butt stuff.
CanuckDownSouth
May 12th, 2025 at 5:58 am Reply
RMMD: Michelle(?) can only seethe internally at Summer’s utter obliviousness to how badly “being a suspect” could have been if they’d exchanged skin tones…
Voshkod
May 12th, 2025 at 6:05 am Reply
How to tell you’re in a medical office. There are three things on the wall – an anatomical chart, an advert for a drug with a long list of side effects in four point font, and a Terry Beatty calendar, featuring the Terry Beatty signature every day!
@Voshkod: My little niece was a fanatic for Berenstain Bears books, and because she lived in Japan and our time together was limited, I never said no. Now I really wish I had tried accents. I think bad Russian accents would really have added something to those stories.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Pozzo
May 13th, 2025 at 4:31 am Reply
H&L: So, I guess Wednesday and Pugsley are off to college, so Gomez and Morticia have decided to downsize to…I don’t know…a Gothic condo?
Tabby Lavalamp
May 13th, 2025 at 5:38 am Reply
Dude is so excited to have haunted house sex he lost about 20 pounds between panels.
Hibbleton
May 13th, 2025 at 5:01 am Reply
H&L: My wife and I are currently in the process of buying a new house and we know you’re not allowed to wander around a potential purchase without the agent present. In other words, the punchline is the look on Lois’ face when she’s invited to a three-way.
Schroduck
May 13th, 2025 at 5:56 am Reply
H&L: Lois doesn’t want the customers getting too close to the house, because they’ll see it’s clearly just a cardboard cutout she traced from a Midjourney image of “victorian house expensive mcmansion turrets”.
pugfuggly
May 13th, 2025 at 5:57 am Reply
H&L: Man, do you see the level of detail that the artist put into that haunted house? It’s sad to see that this person does have passion for illustrating, just obviously not the main assignment.
Bob Tice
May 13th, 2025 at 5:06 am Reply
Hi and Lois:
In the second panel, the house-hunting hubby looks like a bulked-up George Jetson.
The Rambling Otter
May 13th, 2025 at 7:33 am Reply
Rejected Hi and Lois dialogue:
Lois: Would you like to make an offer to Baal before you sleep in this cursed dwelling where demons and ghouls emerge at night to make you suffer for all eternity?
Guy: Sleep? We’re not sleeping, we’ll be up all night fucking. That’s probably enough of an offering to satisfy.
Needless Exposition
May 13th, 2025 at 6:24 am Reply
H&L: Lois, this is probably your best opportunity to leave your illegitimate children and your slovenly husband by joining that polyamorous cult.
MW: Father of the Year cares more about that muffin in his hands than he does about his daughter.
MKay
May 13th, 2025 at 4:39 am Reply
MW: Belle usually drugs her victims into a state of dopey oblivion. But it’s Wilbur, so she didn’t even have to crack open a pill bottle.
LTJpezcore1
May 13th, 2025 at 5:10 am Reply
MW: I hate to be the bearer of bad news everyone…but the way that Wilbur is looking at that muffin in panel 2? That’s DEFINITELY either his bedroom eyes or his “O face.” You watched it. You can’t unwatch it!
Cleveland Mocks
May 13th, 2025 at 6:14 am Reply
MW: “. . . but she’ll come around. Now shut up and leave me alone, I’m eating.”
Old School Allie Cat
May 13th, 2025 at 6:23 am Reply
BC – Vultures projectile vomit as a defense mechanism when predators get to close to them. Just saying.
Liam
May 13th, 2025 at 7:02 am Reply
BC-“We can’t eat it. We can’t have sex with it. What do we do now?”
Weaselboy
May 13th, 2025 at 5:52 am Reply
BC – Nothing to see here. Carrion.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
I speak Jive
May 13th, 2025 at 8:31 am Reply
Rex Morgan – There was a bit of action when McStrangler strangled McStalker, but mostly it was a lot of standing around and talking, with the story fizzling into nothing. Agatha Christie rejected this story as too boring and stupid. Heck, James Patterson didn’t want it.
Guts Dozier
May 14th, 2025 at 4:48 am Reply
Marvin: Maybe Marvin doesn’t have any interest in TV because it presents its subject-matter through several layers of abstraction that his developing infant mind cannot yet comprehend. Or maybe it’s because his mother doesn’t subscribe to any channel or streaming service that’s dedicated to poop.
Francisco Arrowroot
May 14th, 2025 at 4:57 am Reply
I’m guessing the reason for the extreme close-ups in the last two panels of Rex Morgan is that the artist didn’t want to re-draw that complex background.
Veronica!
May 14th, 2025 at 5:04 am Reply
RMMD – Augie has now involved a women’s shelter in an active homicide investigation. Not only will the shelter workers have to deal with the cops (who will impound the truck and then auction it off later), they’ll also have to do extra paperwork. And then if the police report and/or court transcript makes their physical address public, they’ll have to relocate for security purposes. So yeah, way to go, Mr. Nice Guy…you just single-handedly shut down the local women’s shelter. Your Nobel prize is in the mail.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
BeckoningChasm
May 16th, 2025 at 4:36 am Reply
Dennis the Menace: Mister Wilson is on the “metal eating” diet, which is why he is so intense. It’s hard for those old dentures to saw through iron, but George Wilson is determined!
pugfuggly
May 16th, 2025 at 5:16 am Reply
DtM: Did you ever hear tell of Michel Lolito, a.k.a. Monsieur Mangetout, the French ‘entertainer’ who was able to consume large quantities of metal, and eventually ate an entire Cessna 150 plane? Because I think Mr Wilson has.
RMMD: It’s funny, because this strip managed to make a murder thuddingly boring, so regular ‘uneventful’ life here must be absolutely come-inducing. No wonder these two look like mannequins who have had botox.
Cleveland Mocks
May 16th, 2025 at 5:19 am Reply
RMMD: Coming next week: “Different cat food, you say?! How’s that going? Please, tell me all about it!”
MW: “Oh sure, Mary, take her side and too bad for good old Wilbur, is that it? Maybe you don’t mind being a dried-up old celibate, but I sure do! So you can take your muffins and . . . well, I’m not quite done with this one yet, but when I am, you can take your muffins and . . . um, you got any more of these?”
Little Blue Bicycle
May 16th, 2025 at 5:09 am Reply
MW (translated): “Me me me me me me me!”
“How quirky you are!”
Government Cheese
May 16th, 2025 at 6:10 am Reply
MW: No, Wilbur, you do not deserve happiness. You do not even deserve the mayo you have in your fridge.
Charterstoned
May 16th, 2025 at 6:23 am Reply
MW: Huh. I just realized that if Mary had a plug up her ass, she’d be a dead ringer for that table lamp.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Cleveland Mocks
May 16th, 2025 at 5:50 am Reply
Luann: Wee weenie? Okay, I’m not touching tha . . . uh, I mean I’m not going there.
Special Scrotal Awards to the Best No. 69 and Beyond of the Week
69. TheDiva
May 12th, 2025 at 7:18 am Reply
C’shaft: Psychiatric hospitals don’t use straitjackets anymore, but apparently some correctional facilities do. I assume this means the wild-haired lunatic was trying to violently murder the oblivious Crankshaft after realizing, a la Frank Grimes in The Simpsons, that everyone else was bizarrely blind to his dangerous incompetence.
69. Ukulele Ike
May 13th, 2025 at 8:04 am Reply
Baldo: “Yeah, he’s in his room, naked. Said to send you right in.”
69. Philip
May 14th, 2025 at 7:06 am Reply
Rex Morgan, M.D. – This is not as honorable as it appears. Augie is going to use the tax deduction for the donation to put a down payment on a Cybertruck.
Thanks Josh and Scratchy for the highlights and the mentions. Funny stuff!
Congrats to all and thanks, Scratchy!
Thanks for the mentions, Scratchy.
@Charterstoned: Eh, my kids were told by the time that one came out, sadly.
@matt w: Nice.
@Poteet: Oh, man, I hated those books. A Russian accent could only improve them.
Thanks, Josh! And thanks, @Voshkod — I love the “film festival for moths”!
Thanks Scratchy! :3
@Poteet: One thing that I found endearing with that franchise was the sort of clever but mostly terrible pun, of Sister and Lizzie playing with Bearbie Dolls.
Thanks, Scratchy.
@Poteet: Oh man, we have a *pile* of the 80s sappy ones (the 70s ones like Bike Lesson and Picnic are great) at my parents’ beach cottage and my kids went through a phase of asking for them over and over and over… my dad started editorializing about Mama Bear being an always-must-be-right scold, or the doc violating patient confidentiality by calling in other kids to watch Sister bravely get her first vaccine. Then he started just twisting the stories with stuff like Sister and Brother being bullies (instead of bullied) or going against teacher or doctor’s orders and so on – barely keeping to some bit of the text and the pictures. Next thing you know, my kids are demanding we read a stack of them but “read them funny!”
@CanuckDownSouth: “twisting the stories with stuff like Sister and Brother being bullies (instead of bullied)”
To be fair that’s more or less how one of the books ended, with instead of Sister telling an adult that she was being bullied, she goes to brother who tells her to beat the shit out of the bully. Which she does and both Sister and the bully end up in trouble, the bully then starts crying because she’s afraid of what her parents will do to her when they find out, heavily implying that she’s being abused at home. Which gives a much darker shade to these books…
Thanks Josh!
So honored. Y’all are truly funny people, I’m happy to be among you
Thank you, Scratchy!
Two weeks in a row of being on the float I wonder if I could do three weeks.
Congrats to Dennis Jimenez, my fellow floaters, and the scratchies! Broon Croons to matt w, Schroduck, Veronica!, Pozzo and Mkay!
(I’m trying to remember what book my nephew was obsessed with as an infant. I remember reading Where’s My Cow? by Terry Pratchett a lot, but I’m not sure that one was his decision…)
Shadow COTW Contenders
Hibbleton
May 10th, 2025 at 4:54 am Reply
Mary Worth: “No thanks, Mary;” says Dawn as she gets up to leave. “By the way, do you have any drain cleaner? We seem to be out.”
Ukulele Ike
May 10th, 2025 at 5:24 am Reply
Judge Parker: ”Well, congratulations. He’s better looking than your first husband, that murder guy.”
Garrison Skunk
May 10th, 2025 at 12:19 pm Reply
Pardon My Planet: “Sex, Lies, and Courtroom Furniture” is brought to you by La-Z-Boy™and your local neighborhood chair sex perverts.
Peanut Gallery
May 11th, 2025 at 5:15 am Reply
Family Circus: I get that “Old Turtle” is Boss Tweed, but I’m pretty sure the merry-go-round in the center was supposed to be labeled “Teapot Dome.” Whoever’s in charge of maintaining the Thomas Nast Playground is falling down on the job.
Pozzo
May 11th, 2025 at 5:49 am Reply
Family Circus: The less I know about what goes on in the “Barrel of Fun,” the better I’ll feel.
Guts Dozier
May 11th, 2025 at 7:55 am Reply
Mary Worth: There is no way that Belle will respond to Mary’s meddling with anything less than than attempted murder. Finally, a relatable character in this strip!
TheDiva
May 11th, 2025 at 8:12 am Reply
Dick Tracy: Dammit, all that trouble and the suspects went and got themselves killed before Dick could shoot anybody.
Peanut Gallery
May 12th, 2025 at 5:37 am Reply
Bizarro: As a nearsighted person, I can always tell when the idea for a cartoon originated with temporarily misreading the words on a food package. Future Bizarro breakfasts will include Foisted Flakes, Rice Kindles, and Foot Loops.
ScienceGiant
May 12th, 2025 at 7:42 am Reply
Bizarro: I’d’ve thought the most important thing for a ghost eating cereal is to use expired milk.
ectojazzmage
May 12th, 2025 at 8:40 am Reply
Pluggers: “Pluggers are so scared of their spouses’ emotionally inconsiderate behavior that they’d rather die of a ruptured bladder than endure it” is not the whimsical romantic situation that the people making this comic seem to think it is.
McManx
May 13th, 2025 at 5:35 am Reply
BC: Prehistoric innovation — why hunt when you can just queue up at the Cash & Carrion convenience store.
taig
May 13th, 2025 at 7:23 am Reply
Mary Worth: Those definitely look like garlic cheese muffins in an alternate reality.
Astroboy
May 14th, 2025 at 4:29 am Reply
Rex Morgan: I saw Murder Truck open for Killdozer. Good times.
ValdVin
May 14th, 2025 at 7:22 am Reply
Mary Worth: Belle has not tried to kill Dawn with ebola, cholera, or leeches. That’s pretty vegan-friendly.
Garrisonskunk
May 14th, 2025 at 8:44 am Reply
Mary Worth: “For example, Mary, did you know Drano™ is vegan, no animal ingredients whatsoever.”
Maltmash3r
May 14th, 2025 at 10:30 am Reply
Mary Worth: Except for the tea, and some handy tomato slicing, Bats really hasn’t tried to kill Dawn lately. Which I say to her- GET A MOVE ON!
Ukranazi Stepan
May 15th, 2025 at 6:20 am Reply
Lockhorn: Gardening obviously makes Loretta grow, on her knees she’s almost as tall as Leroy, so when she stands up she’ll tear his head off, fee fi fo fum, she smells the blood of a Lockhorn bum.
TheDiva
May 15th, 2025 at 7:17 am Reply
Mary Worth: We’re finding out what happens when an unstoppable busybody meets an unmeddleable object.
Cleveland Mocks
May 16th, 2025 at 5:40 am Reply
Mary Worth: “Oh sure, Mary, take her side and too bad for good old Wilbur, is that it? Maybe you don’t mind being a dried-up old celibate, but I sure do! So you can take your muffins and . . . well, I’m not quite done with this one yet, but when I am, you can take your muffins and . . . um, you got any more of these?”
Government Cheese
May 16th, 2025 at 6:10 am Reply
Mary Worth: No, Wilbur, you do not deserve happiness. You do not even deserve the mayo you have in your fridge.
Charterstoned
May 16th, 2025 at 6:23 am Reply
Mary Worth: Huh. I just realized that if Mary had a plug up her ass, she’d be a dead ringer for that table lamp.
Guillermo el chiclero
May 16th, 2025 at 11:59 am Reply
Rex Morgan: Instead of donating the truck to charity Augie should’ve hauled it around the county fair circuit, charging the rubes a dollar a pop to see the Celebrity Murder Truck.
Shadow COTW
——————
Uncle Lumpy
May 10th, 2025 at 12:57 pm Reply
Judge Parker: Neddy doesn’t want to talk? Has she even met herself?
Congratulations to Dennis Jimenez and the rest of the float gang. Also to the scratchies. Tips of the beret to matt w, Peanut Gallery, Horace Broon, and moscowtheclown.
Oh, and welcome back Baja!
Thanks Josh, and congrats to the COTWs!
Looks like I had premature congratulations. Thank you, Baja.