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Behold, your top comment … of the week!

“If you’re the kind of snobby high-brow whose idea of art is a framed square of neon pink, you deserve to be torn apart by a furry cult.” –Schroduck

And your hilarious runners up!

“I like that Dustin’s dad seems to have jumped straight into his flower defense the second he stepped in the door. ‘What are you looking at? It’s not unusual for me to bring home flowers for your mother! I have a well-established pattern of buying flowers for her! No, what would be weird was if I didn’t buy flowers for her, because I knew some kind of tragedy had befallen her, in which I might be involved. But I have no such knowledge, so all of this is very normal! Boy, look at the time: 5:18. Yes, I am back in the house at 5:18, which is at least 35 minutes from the quarry…’” –pugfuggly

“I was going to say this lack of realism didn’t matter because Mary Worth readers don’t know anyone in their early twenties, but then I remembered that’s exactly who staffs their assisted living facilities.” –Where’s Rocky?

“Why does Meg look so smugly satisfied in panel three? My guess is that she has an entire, surprisingly-popular subreddit devoted to her parents’ terrible marriage, and she can’t wait to tell them all about this latest pathetic incident.” –Joe Blevins

“I assume Andy Capp is unqualified to be a human statue because he starts to get the DT shakes if he goes without beer for more than hour.” –Guts Dozier

“Murder at the Bookstore Burning? Isn’t that just ‘arson?’ Arson in the Addlepate’s Attic. That one’s for free.” –Voshkod

“The ironic part is that they’re all lining up to buy Lillian’s book just so they can burn it.” –Cleveland Mocks

“And just like that, helpless, whiny Summer is all blasé and cool. ‘Just my stalker, who got murdered by some dying guy, who then gave my new boyfriend his truck. No biggie.’”–MKay

“This is my friend Mike. He’s a six-year-old middle-aged trucker from 1975.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Does Summer think that her daughter would hear about the murder and just brush it off? Kelly might be a former rebel turned milquetoast moll, but she’s not a soulless Morgan child.” –Needless Exposition

“That a man joined the army without knowing its basic function and still rose to the rank of one-star general is only slightly less believable than that man is also a bird.” –Hibbleton

“‘Holy cow, somebody sure screwed up the line breaks in this epitaph.’ ‘Oh well! No biggie, it’s not carved in — aw, nuts.’” –Peanut Gallery

“Chicken marsala is never very good. It’s the least interesting of the Italian-American scaloppina dishes. Just sautéed chicken in a reduced sauce of Marsala wine, garlic, and a hella lot of butter. Alice’s Mom’s secret ingredient was that she spit in it.” –Ukulele Ike

“You really want that chicken marsala recipe? Dig then! You’ll find it in my cold, dead hands. Bon appétit!… unless this is completely the wrong grave. Kind of hard to be sure in this cemetery where names aren’t used on headstones.” –Umma

“Hi! I’m a wacky, fun-loving (and slightly murderous) character who just traveled across the country unannounced for a fling! Also, I’m a woman in a Mary Worth comic, so I’m going to spend every evening of that spontaneous vacation cooking dinner!” –Nevin, on Patreon

“I kinda thought that the zzzzzs were the cars, and that Harold had found the blessed white light of death, sans Gertie. Keep trying, Harold.” –A Grave Mind

“Gearhead Gertie being strongly against F1 is such an interesting move to me. It’s the only comic I can think of about motorsports, but they’ve chosen to alienate a big chunk of motorsports enthusiasts. It would be like if Gil Thorp refused to acknowledge hockey as a sport, or if every Sunday Rex Morgan, M.D., strip was dedicated to his unending disdain for gastroenterologists.” –Tristan Olson

“I can’t stop wondering why Dawn’s hair is flying out behind her but Wilbur’s combover is just staying glued to his scalp, even though they’re both rushing to the living room at the same speed. It’s come to this.” –Charterstoned

“You can tell this romance is real because Kelly literally forgets about her boyfriend’s existence while talking to other people and when reminded of it says dully, ‘Oh, yeah. Him.’ Romeo and Juliet, move over! There’s a new standard for pure, eternal love in town!” –Chance

“In the black-and-white version in our local dead tree, I thought the picture was of Washington crossing the Delaware. Good to see I can get a full-color version on Komics Kondom and realize it’s a bowl of flowers crossing the Delaware.” –Scratchy Scrotum LXIX

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