Metapost: COTW? COTW
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Comment of the week? That’s right, it’s the comment of the week:
“After all the other ‘Ed doing things nobody visiting NYC would’ entries, I have to acknowledge today’s strip for verisimilitude: Only a tourist would go to Washington Square Park to buy pot.” –ValdVin
Hilarious runners up? Yeah, you’d better believe it’s the hilarious runners up:
“I expect Crankshaft’s neck hurts too, since he’s adopted the ‘face away from the monument and look over your shoulder at it’ style of tourism.” –Ken
“I’m assuming the discrepancy between long sleeve/long pants and short sleeves/short pants is because the Chicken Lady is undergoing henopause.” –nescio
“Chicken Lady leaning in, eyes narrowed, hand hidden behind her back, is downright ominous! The axe is visible in the background, but it’s cold comfort. She could be concealing any number of murder weapons. Any number, I say!” –Victor Von
“‘Hi Lee, about this script … HOLY SHIT THERE’S A SKULL ON THE CABINET!!!’ ‘Of course! Like all great artists, I need a memento mori: remember you are mortal!’ ‘Well, it’s not working: you supposedly died in 1999!’” –Ettorre
“Delighted to see Garfield is a Wikipedia editor, and even more delighted to see that he immediately got into every Wikipedian’s favourite hobby — adding vexatious disambiguation notices to pages.” –Schroduck
“‘You’ll find out in the Phantom’s own good time.’ AKA, ‘Wow, this comic is extremely slow-paced.’” –Westing1992
“Gil at first was going to play dumb — ‘Prom? What prom? I booked a cruise for that weekend’ — but he was caught out by the word ‘prom’ appearing on every surface of the school.” –Lawyerbob
“Mary has obviously judged this to be a five-muffin situation.” –Pozzo
“I’m mildly … well, ‘alarmed’ isn’t quite the right word, because it’s Beetle Bailey, so let’s go with ‘bemused,’ that Killer — a Private in the Army who has presumably seen these things before and whose name, literal or not, is Killer — has to ask what it is that Zero is ‘arranging over there.’ What do you think they are, my guy? Metal bottles? Strangely unsettling musical instruments? Condoms for variously-sized Transformers? It’s that last one, isn’t it?” –els
“Herb, I don’t know if this is true … I can’t tell for sure … Maybe it’s me, but … If you’re going to blatantly stretch a one-panel gag to multiple panels, I kind of admire your decision to go for four when three would have been plenty.” –Peanut Gallery
“I woke up wondering if I could make it through the day without reading the sentence ‘your table wiping days are over.’ Oh well. There’s always tomorrow.” –Weaselboy
“Mr. Weenie World manager, did you know that Luann’s parents own an actual full service restaurant with liquor license? Kind of makes you wonder why even they won’t hire her.” –Guillermo el Chiclero
“Gen Z, which comic book time has moved Luann into, is having less sex and less interest in it, so the strip is shifting from ‘zany comic’ to more realism comic. When Batuik moved off Funky Winkerbean, creator Greg Evans took the mantle. Sucks for Brad, who will be picked to be the example for the shockingly high rates of colon cancer affecting young people.” –Philip
“I like how the grey background suggest the interior of a bunker. 2023 wasn’t too long ago, especially when you consider that that timelock isn’t going to let you out until 2028.” –pugfuggly
“What really makes this work is that Dustin’s dad is a lawyer, so he knows exactly what ‘keeping two sets of books’ means. ‘I am committing accounting fraud against my wife. I will be sentenced to no more than sixty months in prison, fined no more than one million dollars, and be forced to repay this donut.’” –matt w
“Haha … but seriously, Chip was caddying for me. He tripped, rolled off the green, and fell 200 feet off a cliff to his death.” –Old Man Shadow
“I knew that aliens built the pyramids, but the revelation that they also wrote Shakespeare is a real game changer.” –Mr. Tulkinghorn
“If you really loved Alice, you’d be using those eyestalks to inspect for termites.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV
“The most menacing part is that they’re staying at Caesar’s Palace so that Martha can feast on the eye candy that is their replica statue of David.” –Old School Allie Cat
“Heathcliff has the serene calm of someone who has made peace with being a martyr to their cause (the cause here being wearing meat-product-promoting helmets).” –TheDiva
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19 replies to “Metapost: COTW? COTW”
The Familliar Mucus: Wacky firefly action! As Thel’s gentleman caller opens the kids’ jar expecting mayonaise inside!
Heathcliff Notes: They forgot the scene where Hawkeye presents Heathcliff with a “Spam Ham”!
“You haven’t really experienced Shakerspear until you’ve heard him in the original Klingon.”- Star Trek 6,The Undiscovered Alice
ValdVin: I’ve bought pot at Columbus Circle, but that was another day.
Holy crap! I’ve had 200 Comments of the Week/Runners-Up, dating back to 2006. People might say, “Get a life!” but by now, this IS my life.
Way to go, Double-V and all the others:
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Peanut Gallery
June 21st, 2025 at 6:27 am Reply
Crock – “Real barf” may be funny, but decades’ worth of novelty catalogs rely on the premise that fake barf is funnier.
Dennis Jimenez
June 21st, 2025 at 5:54 am Reply
Blondie – So…Dag dreams of being motorboated by muffuletta sandwiches….
Bob Tice
June 21st, 2025 at 4:34 am Reply
Blondie:
“You know, if we were Rob and Laura from ‘The Dick Van Dyke Show,’ we’d have to be sleeping in different beds!”
BigTed
June 21st, 2025 at 4:40 am Reply
Blondie: C’mon, Blondie, this is getting dangerous — I don’t care how much you want to avoid sex with your husband, you’ve got to stop slipping Ambien into his toothpaste.
Liam
June 21st, 2025 at 9:11 am Reply
FC-Next time bury Jeffy in a deeper hole.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
BigTed
June 22nd, 2025 at 4:49 am Reply
Crankshaft: How is it that every single person in a popular area of New York City has suddenly decided to form a crowd behind Ed Crankshaft? It can’t be because of his good looks or pleasant personality — more likely there’s a runaway taxi barreling in their direction, and they’re hoping to use him as a human shield.
Hibbleton
June 22nd, 2025 at 4:50 am Reply
Crank: I wonder how long the author wrestled with: Do I go with the foot joke or fast food?
The Rambling Otter
June 22nd, 2025 at 5:01 am Reply
CS: Why is his daughter smiling? Your father in is pain… (Oh right, everyone in this comic is a sociopathic asshole)
Edit: Then I remembered that this is Crankshaft we’re talking about, so really any normal person would be happy about this.
Ukulele Ike
June 22nd, 2025 at 6:43 am Reply
Crank: Wonder why the African-American couple is smirking at the Washington Arch.
“Washington! Sucker freed his slaves in his will. Not Jefferson! He left them in human bondage, even though most of them were his kids! Now, that’s a real businessman.”
Weaselboy
June 22nd, 2025 at 6:26 am Reply
CS – “Next, let’s go to Tiffany’s so I can make a joke about being hungry for breakfast. Then we’ll go to Lincoln Center where I can make a Hannibal Hamlin joke. I haven’t worked that one out in my head yet, but I’m sure it will totally land. Damn, I never realized New York was a fountainhead of comedy material… Fountainhead! Let’s go to Ayn Rand’s house so I can make an Objectivism joke!”
MKay
June 22nd, 2025 at 5:16 am Reply
MW: I cannot believe that Dawn isn’t telling Mary what really happened. I’d dine out on a story like that for years.
Rube
June 23rd, 2025 at 6:03 am Reply
Pluggers are incredibly smug about incredibly little.
Way to go Double V and all the others:
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Peanut Gallery
June 21st, 2025 at 6:27 am Reply
Crock – “Real barf” may be funny, but decades’ worth of novelty catalogs rely on the premise that fake barf is funnier.
Dennis Jimenez
June 21st, 2025 at 5:54 am Reply
Blondie – So…Dag dreams of being motorboated by muffuletta sandwiches….
Bob Tice
June 21st, 2025 at 4:34 am Reply
Blondie:
“You know, if we were Rob and Laura from ‘The Dick Van Dyke Show,’ we’d have to be sleeping in different beds!”
BigTed
June 21st, 2025 at 4:40 am Reply
Blondie: C’mon, Blondie, this is getting dangerous — I don’t care how much you want to avoid sex with your husband, you’ve got to stop slipping Ambien into his toothpaste.
Liam
June 21st, 2025 at 9:11 am Reply
FC-Next time bury Jeffy in a deeper hole.
@Pozzo:
this IS my life
I feel that with every fiber of my being. I got here in 2006 as well, and the dopamine hit of making the list is undeniable!
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
BigTed
June 22nd, 2025 at 4:49 am Reply
Crankshaft: How is it that every single person in a popular area of New York City has suddenly decided to form a crowd behind Ed Crankshaft? It can’t be because of his good looks or pleasant personality — more likely there’s a runaway taxi barreling in their direction, and they’re hoping to use him as a human shield.
Hibbleton
June 22nd, 2025 at 4:50 am Reply
Crank: I wonder how long the author wrestled with: Do I go with the foot joke or fast food?
The Rambling Otter
June 22nd, 2025 at 5:01 am Reply
CS: Why is his daughter smiling? Your father in is pain… (Oh right, everyone in this comic is a sociopathic asshole)
Edit: Then I remembered that this is Crankshaft we’re talking about, so really any normal person would be happy about this.
Ukulele Ike
June 22nd, 2025 at 6:43 am Reply
Crank: Wonder why the African-American couple is smirking at the Washington Arch.
“Washington! Sucker freed his slaves in his will. Not Jefferson! He left them in human bondage, even though most of them were his kids! Now, that’s a real businessman.”
Weaselboy
June 22nd, 2025 at 6:26 am Reply
CS – “Next, let’s go to Tiffany’s so I can make a joke about being hungry for breakfast. Then we’ll go to Lincoln Center where I can make a Hannibal Hamlin joke. I haven’t worked that one out in my head yet, but I’m sure it will totally land. Damn, I never realized New York was a fountainhead of comedy material… Fountainhead! Let’s go to Ayn Rand’s house so I can make an Objectivism joke!”
MKay
June 22nd, 2025 at 5:16 am Reply
MW: I cannot believe that Dawn isn’t telling Mary what really happened. I’d dine out on a story like that for years.
Rube
June 23rd, 2025 at 6:03 am Reply
Pluggers are incredibly smug about incredibly little.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
TheDiva
June 23rd, 2025 at 6:34 am Reply
BGSS: “Brown-eyed baby” sounds like a term for a sweetheart in a 1920’s song. A reader with no context might assume “Spark Plug” is Barney’s girlfriend, and might assume from her name that she’s either a mechanic or a stripper.
Voshkod
June 23rd, 2025 at 6:15 am Reply
Sample LSAT Question #24: Take as a fact that a man does not have a baby. However, he asks a friend to babysit. The friend notes that the man does have a baby. How is this possible?
a) There are facts not provided in evidence.
b) The friend is not being truthful about the existence of a baby.
c) The baby is dead, and the friend is being asked to watch over the body.
d) The writing is terrible.
LTJpezcore1
June 23rd, 2025 at 5:26 am Reply
MW: I’ve thought of Mary as quite a few things over the years, but I’ve never really thought of her as dumb or gullible, and yet here we are with her saying things to Wilbur such as “Lesson learned” as if this isn’t like the 12th time that he’s been involved with something absolutely horrible based on his own shoddy decision making.
Hibbleton
June 23rd, 2025 at 6:43 am Reply
Dear Ask Wendy,
My father was dating a dangerously schizophrenic woman who put my life in jeopardy. She’s gone now but I wonder if I should move out on my own to avoid possible future consequences of his poor judgment?
—Insane in the Membrane
Dear IITM,
No need to rush into things. Have you considered castration?
AW
Schroduck
June 24th, 2025 at 4:33 am Reply
BB: If you ever take the Channel Tunnel from France or Belgium, you see special signs at check-in warning you not to take old artillery shells on board the train – veterans and other tourists dig them up from WWI battlefields and try to take them home, not realising that the shells are often still live and could explode. What I’m saying is – if there’s anything important to tell Zero, say it now because he might not be around much longer.
But What Do I Know?
June 24th, 2025 at 5:29 am Reply
BB — It took me awhile to figure out what those objects were–my first reaction was that they were Zero’s bong collection. .
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Banana Jr. 6000
June 24th, 2025 at 4:44 am Reply
MW: “Hazard”? That’s Wilbur’s euphemism for the Jerry Springer episode he just lived? That’s all we’re going to say about attempted murder, incest, and mental illness? “Hazard”?
Charterstoned
June 24th, 2025 at 4:45 am Reply
MW: Wilbur isn’t dejected because of Belle, but only because he suddenly realized that the muffins on the plate in front of him are made of wax and are only decorative.
MKay
June 24th, 2025 at 5:17 am Reply
MW: Say it, Wilbur: “I’m a moron. I have no sense. I shouldn’t be allowed out without a minder.” Own it, you’ll feel much better.
I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV
June 24th, 2025 at 5:22 am Reply
Mary Worth: “I mean, how am I supposed to live, like some ordinary schlub with a girlfriend who doesn’t want to murder him?” “Oh, Wilbur. You did just fine with Iri — okay, I hear it now…”
Ettorre
June 24th, 2025 at 5:31 am Reply
“Don’t be sad about this girl who was willing to sleep with you. By the way, tell me more about her brother, Avery”
“I’d rather not, Mary”
“Come on, there must something interesting about it”
“Please don’t incest… insist!”
MarkCorrigan
June 24th, 2025 at 5:31 am Reply
MW:
“I know she nearly killed me and on several occasions my daughter with a painful poisoning. Then she tried to eat my pet fish alive, but the real tragedy is that I’m no longer getting regular sex” -Father of the year Wilbur.
Hibbleton
June 24th, 2025 at 5:02 am Reply
FC: Dolly continues. She shows Jeffy a two; “And this is the Douche.”
Weaselboy
June 24th, 2025 at 5:31 am Reply
Luann – Because this strip is so unfunny, I find it hard to believe that “everyone had a big laugh,” even off panel.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Weaselboy
June 25th, 2025 at 4:34 am Reply
Luann – I woke up wondering if I could make it through the day without reading the sentence “your table wiping days are over.” Oh well. There’s always tomorrow.
Ettorre
June 25th, 2025 at 6:55 am Reply
Luann: One Girl, Percup
pugfuggly
June 25th, 2025 at 4:45 am Reply
Luann Here you are, Luann perverts: the filthiest bit of dialogue you’re ever going to get from this strip. Enjoy it to its fullest.
I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV
June 25th, 2025 at 5:22 am Reply
So phalluses are long but flat, hard, brittle, and flavored with anise and almond? That tracks with the level of sex ed in Luann.
Victor Von
June 25th, 2025 at 5:53 am Reply
I’m not usually a Luann hater, but the wordplay in “PerCup Coffee” isn’t really worth deciphering. When even your comic strip’s puns haven’t woken up for the day, it’s worth taking a nap before starting another draft of the comic.
KevynOnVideo
June 25th, 2025 at 5:29 am Reply
That the food handlers apparently aren’t required to routinely maintain and sanitize their grills and prep stations to keep them free of disease-spreading bacteria tells me everything I need to know before stopping into Weenie World.
TheDiva
June 25th, 2025 at 7:02 am Reply
Luann: How has Luann not been fired already? You can’t tell me her boss can’t find a college dropout pothead who can do her job at least as well as she can.
Guillermo el Chiclero
June 25th, 2025 at 7:10 am Reply
Luann: Mr. Weenie World manager, did you know that Luann’s parents own an actual full service restaurant with liquor license? Kind of makes you wonder why even they won’t hire her.
richardf8
June 25th, 2025 at 7:35 am Reply
Luann – So they’re training her for SafServ certification? Wow, the strips with her being a sanctimonious bitch about food safety in her mother’s home kitchen practically write themselves!
ectojazzmage
June 25th, 2025 at 7:10 am Reply
Luann: Going from janitor to waitress at the same shitty fastfood joint is not the dramatic career progress that Luann seems to think it is.
Alice Sweet from Norfolk
June 25th, 2025 at 11:33 am Reply
That wasn’t the smell of cleaning products, Luann. It was the smell of your douche. And it wasn’t an effective douche. Good luck improving the smell when you start handling weenies. And, Phil, don’t go down there.
Uncle Bob
June 26th, 2025 at 7:56 am Reply
Luann: Why does training this moron on food prep mean her table wiping days are over? Does Derp Weinerschnitzel have a dedicated table wiper? No, Luann, you’re going to be cleaning der weinershitter and the boss’s backseat until you realize there is no advancement in the fast food industry.
Dennis Jimenez
June 25th, 2025 at 4:59 am Reply
Luann – Did you know those, All Employees Must Wash Hands After Using Restroom signs are just for show….
Shlockhorns – White trousers with a yellow crotch stain would have made this into a funny panel….
Schroduck
June 25th, 2025 at 4:59 am Reply
Lockhorns: [Leroy collapses gasping onto the sidewalk]
Lorretta: Yes, Leroy, the cement is more comfortable than the theater seats.
Leroy: I’m having a heart attack! Call 911!
Loretta: I get it, you’re annoyed that so many kids were talking and texting on their phones during the movie.
Leroy: I see a white light! God, I’m coming!
Loretta: Ignore him. He’s always shouting “God, I’m coming” prematurely.
ValdVin
June 25th, 2025 at 6:50 am Reply
Lockhorns: Leroy looks like he’s having a heart attack after all that popcorn. Not shown is the new seven-figure life insurance policy Loretta took out on him.
Looks like an open and shut case of Double Butter Indemnity.
Voshkod
June 25th, 2025 at 7:08 am Reply
The first Horror Holiday was a pretty solid deconstruction of two genres, horror flicks and Christmas movies. However, Leroy and Loretta just saw Horror Holiday V: The Leperchaun, which admittedly did feature some excellent practical effects involving the titular Irish fairy’s battle with Hanson’s disease, but was otherwise both banal in its examination of St. Patrick’s Day and bloated, given the three-hour run time.
Mr. Peabody
June 25th, 2025 at 10:56 am Reply
Lockhorns: Do we think Leroy kept the bit up for all 2.5 hours of the movie plus trailers?
Liam
June 25th, 2025 at 7:10 am Reply
Lockhorns-Leroy couldn’t afford the large popcorn to do the popcorn trick.
FC-“Your father would play the squirrel game with me too.”
Guillermo el Chiclero
June 25th, 2025 at 6:24 am Reply
FC: If that grocery sack had an eyeball Thel would’ve poked it out with her boob.
I speak Jive
June 25th, 2025 at 7:13 am Reply
FC – What? No baguette or celery peeking out the grocery bags?
The booze is hidden at the bottom of the bags.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
BeckoningChasm
June 26th, 2025 at 4:41 am Reply
Dustin: I like how the artist just flipped the other guy in the last panel. Much easier than erasing the coffee cup.
Anonymous
June 26th, 2025 at 5:08 am Reply
Every possible take on the stupid fat guy who gorges himself with the office donuts has already been done a million times better by Homer Simpson.
Needless Exposition
June 26th, 2025 at 4:40 am Reply
Dustin: Ah, wedded bliss, where your love and hate for each other are in perfect alignment. Except Ed has no love for anything with a pulse.
MW: I remember when Wilbur moved in. Toby thought he would be a handsome bachelor (ha!) since she was on her fourth mimosa, Ian rightfully mocked both Toby and Wilbur, and Mary was ready to meddle her way into knowing all the details of his divorce to dig the knife in deeper. And then Mary proceeded to slut shame Dawn because she wore pants and her hair looked like a helmet to protect her soft spot.
Ah, the
goodold days when Toby and Ianhad personalitiesexisted, Mary was uncomfortably nosy, and Westonmania had yet to sweep through Charterstone.Astroboy
June 26th, 2025 at 4:46 am Reply
MW: Just thinking about how Wilbur embodies all of the 7 deadly sins.
Let’s have a series of flashbacks of Wilbur exhibiting pride, greed, wrath, envy, lust, gluttony, and sloth. There’s a metric shit ton of material to work with.
It can end with Dawn’s head in a box.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Schroduck
June 26th, 2025 at 5:00 am Reply
H&L: Wait, Chip? Like, your son? What, did Lois veto calling the twins “Putt” and “Drive”?
matt w
June 26th, 2025 at 5:18 am Reply
@Schroduck: They just can’t stick to the bit. Hi and Lois are location names, Chip is golf or stone (like Flagston), Ditto and Dot are printing, and Trixie isn’t anything. If I’d named the kids Hi and Lois would have teenage Farley, baby Neera, and the twins Hithery and Yonathan.
Philip
June 27th, 2025 at 6:02 am Reply
Dennis the Menace – The Wilsons are hoping to win enough money at the craps table to buy themselves a new home in The Family Circus neighborhood. Having Billy occasionally run through his yard in a dotted line strip, or have some saccharine malapropisms from the other melonheads is preferable to Dennis.
Doghouse Reilly (Minneapolis)
June 27th, 2025 at 4:45 am Reply
Just Dennis the Pickle: Now that good, old Mrs. Wilson is a ghost, will she run off with Ghost Granddad from The Family Circus?
Special Scrotal Awards to the Best No. 69 and Beyond of the Week
69. I speak Jive
June 22nd, 2025 at 8:54 am Reply
Mary Worth – “Humans are weird.” How would she know. Oh, well, she probably figured that out when she was on the crew of the mother ship that beamed up a human being and probed him.
Mary is slipping. She forgot:
It’s always darkest before the dawn.
It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
It was meant to be.
Life is what you make it.
Time heals all wounds.
Maybe she was saving these for Wilbur.
Rex Morgan – I have to take a break from this. I can’t take the action and suspense.
JP – My understanding is that long flights eastward are overnight flights. They arrive in the morning at the destination, so the passengers have a full day ahead of them. Why is it dark here? Did Sophie and Reena spend the day hanging out at the airport waiting for their ride?
Special Scrotal Awards to the Best No. 69 and Beyond of the Week
69. Liam
June 25th, 2025 at 7:22 am Reply
Luann-“The manager says that I can help with the 4:20 to 50 shipment.”
69. ectojazzmage
June 26th, 2025 at 7:27 am Reply
Pluggers: The main takeaway from Pluggers that I’ve gotten from my time reading this blog is that Pluggers are absolutely pathetic weirdos who are desperate to brag about literally anything in an attempt to justify their unearned egos, even if its something that absolutely nobody should be proud of. The fact that this now includes bragging about eating rotten food like some kind of fruit fly is a new low, but not one I’m terribly surprised to see they’ve reached.
Hi And Lois: At least Hi is self-aware about how much golf sucks, which is more than can be said for most golfers in my experience.
@Pozzo:
#5. 200, Pozzo? That is SO wonderous! A life well lived.
While I’ve never had either a COTW or ridden the float, I have had two shadows. We are generous to each other.
Thanks, Scratchy.
Congrats to ValdVin and my fellow floaters and thanks, Josh and Scratchy!