We all want to be Heathcliff, but there can be only one Heathcliff
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Heathcliff, 6/17/25
There are few characters in the comics whose energies are so distinct from one another as Heathcliff and Wilbur Weston, despite the fact that they have remarkably similar body plans. Contrast today’s panel with Wilbur’s drawn-out, over-the-top fish funeral. Sure, Heathcliff mourns. You think he doesn’t mourn for that hot dog, lost forever to the bosom of the sea? But he does it with the sort of quiet dignity that Wilbur has never gotten within a mile of.
Crankshaft, 6/17/25
Crankshaft had two daughters: Pam, who he lives with, and Chris, who lives in the big city and who he visits every once in a while, presumably when he gets the sense that Pam might murder him if he doesn’t get out of town for a little bit. Anyway, you’d think living far away would allow Chris to develop a more independent personality, distinct from her family, but today we learn that making terrible, unfunny malaprops is a tragically genetic condition.
Shoe, 6/17/25
What I really like about this one is that Biz’s facial expression in panel two makes it very clear that he’s flirting.
Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/17/25
“So how does this work? Is a guy with calipers gonna come by and measure our skulls, or do I just jerk off into a cup?”
88 replies to “We all want to be Heathcliff, but there can be only one Heathcliff”
FLASH! AAAAAAAAAAA!!!!: So, New England in July?
Shoe:
“And in an even greater coincidence, this conversation between us suffers from a lack of interest.”
Shoe: “And I buy my ties in the same store that Donald Trump does.”
Heathcliff:
“He heard ‘Ode to Billie Joe’ on the radio, and thinks that this pier is the Tallahatchee Bridge.”
GT: The batter is standing on the plate. I mean, I love Ron Hunt as much as anyone, but come on.
Beetle Bailey and Blondie: It’s a good thing Beetle doesn’t have location sharing on his phone with Sarge. That’d be a giveaway.
BG&SS: No, your eyes do not deceive you. Today’s published strip is dated last December.
RMMD:
“Welcome to our monthly meeting of the Weird Sideburns Club. Now remember: the first rule of the Weird Sideburns Club is ‘There is no Weird Sideburns Club’ !”
RMMD: If I didn’t know better than to expect any kind of medical drama from this strip, I’d think that this reunion was building up to a kidney transplant.
RMMD:
“Son, in today’s second panel, you look like late ’60s vintage Bob Eubanks, only without the poofy hairdo!”
Heathcliff “…and then beat to death the man who bumped his elbow…”
CSh: “Also a…pretty severe…respiratory condition….” /coughs, passes out/
Shoe: I guess the era of ChatGPT-written comics is here. Well, that’s what I hope. The alternative possibility – that a human wrote this and thought it counted as an entertaining joke – is even bleaker.
MW: “By the way, Mary, your advice of, ‘Just TALK to your father’ was about as useful as a screen door on a submarine. We almost got slaughtered, so thanks for nothing. ”
RMMD: “I don’t hold with that newfangled DNA nonsense. Just get your guitar and sing me one your songs. I’ll just KNOW.”
GT: Not a sports person. Baseball puts me to sleep. But that aside, who in their right mind thinks that endless single drawings of ANY high school sports event in way, shape or form constitute a plotline?
SHOE: I see that as a perfect response for shutting down a potentially boring conversation.
RMMD: The number 12 features prominently in each panel. Truck thoroughly examines Cody for the birthmark that confirms he’s of the lost twelfth tribe of Israel.
“Your name shall henceforth be ‘Chazaiah’.”
MW: Could Dawn bury the lede any harder? “Yes, she’s gone. Didn’t you see the identical clone of my father who showed up to take her to the funny farm? Didn’t you notice that all the vegetation within 200 feet of the dumpster has died? By the way, I’m pregnant with an incest baby.”
Pluggers: My new way to read this comic strip is to add the words “and is a smug jackass about it” to every caption. Look at today: “You’re a Plugger if someone made your favorite sandwich for you, and you’re a smug jackass about it.” Last Thursday: “A Plugger’s train of thought frequently gets derailed, and he’s a smug jackass about it.” The day before that: “A Plugger would rather ask his wife where something is than look for it himself, and they’re both smug jackasses about it.” Note that the existing facial expressions match these enhanced captions perfectly.
Frazz: If kids whose homework is done can leave, why is this insufferable twerp still around? An 8-year-old genius would see this as an opportunity to start summer break before Valentine’s Day.
Luann: And she’s lying about the Klingon.
RMMD: Oh, gad. Now we’re going to have to watch while these guys reveal some hereditary anomaly they each have that appears in every direct descendant in Truck’s family, proving their lineage. The purple pimpernel birthmark on the butt has already been done—brilliantly. Likewise the Canterville birthmark on the back of the neck. So, what could it be? A mole shaped like a guitar? Peyronie’s?
MW: I see Mary is growing Bouquet Roses. They don’t have much of a scent, but you never have to arrange them.
@Pozzo: You may have heard of it…The American Tax Payer’s Wallet R Us
@Charterstoned: “¿Como le pendes, Truck?” “¡A la iziquierda!”
Crankshaft: “Today we learn that making terrible, unfunny malaprops is a tragically genetic condition,” and that they’re finally sending Ed to the assisted living facility.
Crankshaft : wait, does Not-Pam have hideous, non-wallpapered brick walls in her appartment, or is she and Crankshaft inexplicably standing outside, and if we are to trust the previous panel’s establishing shot, hovering in mid-air at the second story?
(please be the latter so they fall down and die once they realise they’re not standing on anything)**************
Garfield : the other fat orange cat is thinking about getting old, I wonder what THAT’s about… oh, it’s thursday. 47 years now.
**************
Luann : …this is a Dustin strip, except the “useless studies” aren’t even Luann’s major (what IS her major, anyway?), and the “useful course that would have given [her] a course in life and a career by now” is CLOWN SCHOOL.
**************
Shoe : Yeah, of course he’s flirting. He heard “I am alone [inaudible]”, and thought that was an opening.
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: “Huh. Hago un giro en U.”
@Charterstoned: #14: A fondness for root beer. I know it’s been done, but the classics never get old.
Shoe: I like thinking about the not-Biz bird getting up every morning, putting on a shirt and tie, glasses for his steadily weakening vision, looking in the mirror at his ever-grayer, receding hairline. Do the feathers on his crown fall out on their own, or does he pluck them out, as some birds in captivity do when they’re overwhelmed by boredom? Well, no matter, I suppose. And now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to get ready for my thrilling, totally not-a-dead-end job.
Heathcliff: “…then a Plugger ate it off the ground.”
@Charterstoned: I am unreasonably pleased that if you plug “How’s it hanging?” into Google translate, it comes back with “¿Como esta?”
I call shenanigans on Heathcliff! There should be a narwhal emerging to empathize with/announce Heathcliff’s actions!
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: I’m with you on that. I took Latin and French in high school. It was either “Carthage is destroyed” or “We’re having hotdogs and rice for lunch today.” Spanish would have been more useful in the real world.
Truck hears Josh’s comment and goes into his rendition of “Red Solo Cup™”.
Rex Morgan, M.D.: If Larry Niven is to be believed, ol’ Truck should have Clark Kent there give his sample in a steel reinforced cup, if you catch my drift.
Shoe: Actually, I’m not sure if Biz is flirting or just knows that the sweet release of death is approaching. “My doctor gave me six months, but I’m stepping up my drinking to see if I can get that down to four…”
RMMD: I love how this strip doesn’t spare a single detail in this incredibly exciting tale. I mean, how exactly is Truck going to communicate with his son through that solid wood door? A buzzer? A text message? Ah, knocking: the tried and tested method. I feel like I’m really starting to get to know Truck as a character.
RMMD – ” We both need to know if you’re my son!”
“Ok, well give me a minute while I finish writing this terrible song that came to me while I was sitting in this here hotel room.”
“My boy!”
Heathcliff – Heathcliff, though still mourning the loss, had the perspective to not chase what was lost. Wilbur, however, would survive going overboard, only to die because he went off the pier to chase a lost hot dog stolen by a seagull.
Crankshaft – There was a culture shock when Chris moved to the big city – the pizza was much better. She’s dreading the thought of returning to Montoni’s if the rent gets to be too much.
Shoe – Biz never got a hang off the dating apps, and he appreciates the historic gay bar is still around, and also that does afternoon specials for older men looking to hook up before 6pm, so his can bring is date home to watch Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy, then get under the crocheted afghan.
Rex Morgan, MD – Truck just got back from Rex’s office, and he’s in need of a kidney. Best to hurry on figuring this all out, all those years of hard living are coming due.
@Bob Tice: RMMD:
“Son, in today’s second panel, you look like late ’60s vintage Bob Eubanks, only without the poofy hairdo!
___________________________
“That would be in the trunk, Truck.”
He’s got his mother’s sideburns but he’s still your son, Truck.
@Little Guy: So Snuffy’s Lukey has a last name! Who knew?
Heathcliff – If you were walking along the boardwalk, which would you find more peculiar: a bipedal cat tossing flowers into the ocean or a kid wearing a propeller beanie? It’s a toss-up for me.
Rex Morgan, MD: It’s kind of amazing. The age lines around Truck’s eyes are so deep and lovingly rendered that I thought the working-class musician was wearing oversized glasses like Old Elvis.
RMMD – You left it hangin’ too long about, what, 25 years ago? Her couch pulled out, but you didn’t.
MW-“Is his guest gone and not driven out to the middle of nowhere and buried in a shallow grave?”
GT: “Leo’s chances are good given that the Tech player’s bat is broken. How can he hit with that? Looks like a round hockey stick. It’s…angled! And no folks, I’m not drunk again.”
@ValdVin: Extra points for the Ron Hunt reference!
CS: “I’m moving far away. Too far for you to come visit. Uh, because the rent is too high here. Yeah, that’s it. The rent is way too high.”
Shoe: Obviously loan dude is into it because he’s shifted from the end of the bar to right next to Biz.
What is going on with the Seattle Times commenting section on comics and Chrome? I load the page and nothing shows up. I have to refresh the page several times before something shows up.
“I’m not about to leave either of us hangin’ on a matter this serious. We both need to know if you were my son.”
“That’s great, Truck. We can head down to LabCorp now and . . . wait, did you say ‘were your son?'”
Bang.
“Well, Rex, fourteen bullet holes and a blood testing kit. What’s your take?”
“Suicide. I have a two o’clock tee time.”
As Marvin matures he realizes there’s a whole world of opportunities to be a dickish asshole besides merely shitting himself. But he still shits himself! Let’s not go crazy here.
MW: Post-plot Mary Meddling is the WORST kind of Mary Meddling.
C’shaft: From airline surcharges, we move on to the equally fresh and untouched comic territory of “New York apartments are, like, really expensive!”
H’cliff: But…if Heathcliff hadn’t dropped the hot dog he would have eaten it, so it would still be gone. Unless Heathcliff sees consumption of something as a way of obtaining and keeping its essence, in which case….kid, I’d run if i were you.
RMMD: First Truck gets access to a hotel guest by just asking the front desk guy, then Cody (Cory?) opens the door and lets a man who is effectively a stranger into his room. If Belle Batsfrey came to Glenwood she could poison half the town before her brother realized she was missing.
Heathcliff – Where have all the hotdogs gone, long time passing; Where have all the hotdogs gone, long time ago….
Crank – Never get into a, things just cost too much these days, contest with anybody over 70….
Shoe – And a deadbeat!
RMMD – But we’ll get together then, dad – ya know we’ll have a good time then….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
MW: “By the way, I saw you with your father the other day.” Mary smiles as she thinks about her military-style high-powered zoom binoculars. They were a little pricey, she admits to herself, but worth every bit of the month’s rental income to keep watch over her tenants. Next month, she muses, she might have to invest in recording devices….
You just gave Truck Jr. the title of a hit song.
Heathcliff/Mary Worth:
Wilbur: Don’t you DARE interrupt MY solo!
Heathcliff:
Heathcliff: Launches self at Wilbur’s face.
GT: I guess Leo feel sorry for the batter, since he is now throwing with his right hand. On Saturday, his glove was on his right hand and he was throwing left handed? Or maybe he is truly ambidextrous? It all fits, the general lack of attention to details explains the lack of any background that makes sense.
This all seriously reinforces the notion that Milford is all one giant holodeck simulation and it is now glitching.
DT: So, did Dick use his wrist watch scanner to secretly scan Lovejoy and discover he is a clone?
MW: The writer isn’t going to eliminate Belle so easily. This whole arc has attracted more interest than most, so Belle shall return!
RMMD: At some point, Rex will appear or maybe not? Could this all be wrapped in time for Truck to make his wedding? Or will he be dashing from donating a specimen for testing to run in at the last second to join Wanda?
@LTJpezcore1: Mary isn’t even much of a meddler anymore. She’s more of an enabler. Especially to you-know-who.
@treetown: Maybe he wants to be the next Pat Venditte.
@TheDiva: Dammit, what did I do this time, content bots?
Heathcliff – Lighten up, Heathcliff. Maybe a ride on that Eccentric Ferris Wheel in the background will do the trick. You get to choose your own radius!
Crankshaft – The look of stunned incomprehension on Crankshaft’s face as his daughter throws his own kind of wordplay back at him is a perfect illustration of his narcissism. “Say what now? Speak normal, why don’t you?”
Don Abundio, translated:
“Abundio seems really proud of being a capitalist pig”
“What’s so remarkable about that?”
“Lots of people are capitalist pigs”
“Yeah, I know”
“But with a mascot?”
[Sign: WORLD’S GREEDIEST PIG]
I wanted to stay but the dog had her bed
And the futon was hard, just like me,
And the porch glider rocked but was too short to use
So I figured the couch it would be.
When she joined me it seemed we could make it all work
But the cushions got into the way
‘Cause they wouldn’t come off, like her ex lying there
Had joined in and decided to stay.
But it turned out the couch was a sleeper, and I
Quickly gave it a pull and a tug.
Though her couch pulled out, I didn’t, and now it’s on me
There’s a kid lying bare on the rug.
MW: Really not seeing how Mary gets her victory lap here, even with a stretch. Her entire involvement in this story consisted of: “Have you tried talking to your father? You did? How about trying to talk to your father again? Oh, you don’t think that’ll work? How about if I try talking to your father?” And the Wilbur completely ignored her.
@Schroduck: #10
AI domination begins with baby steps…first, comic strips…then, the Charter for the New World Order Galactic Robotic Hegemony…
RexMD: The last week of strips has convinced me by now that Truck Tyler was *not* the inspiration for Rodin’s “The Thinker.”
Crankshaft: This comic really has degraded into just being Funky Winkerbean 2.0. That expression at the end – pure nihilistic depression shining through despite the mechanical, awkward attempt at lighthearted humor – could only be seen in Funky Winkerbean at its most embarrassing.
Shoe: In the unseen third panel, Biz pulls out a gun and points it at his head. He can no longer take the torment of living in a world where all conversation is strained setups and crappy punchlines.
Rex Morgan: Is this the same hotel where the Rene hostage situation took place awhile back? I feel bad for whoever owns it. Imagine trying to run a business but the only customers you get are various nigh-emotionless middle aged to old men having meandering, soulless “drama”.
how everything turns away
Quite leisurely from the disaster; the vendor may
Have heard the splash, the forsaken cry,
But for him it was not an important failure; the sun shone
As it had to on the hot dog disappearing into the green
Water; and the girl with the balloon that must have seen
Something amazing, a hot dog falling out of the sky,
Had somewhere to get to and strolled calmly on.
@matt w: Very nice.
RMMD: Is it called a circle jerk with only two people?
Heathcliff: I realize this is supposed to be some sort of East Coast seaside amusement area, but the design is nuts. I guess I can understand having a pier that goes just a few feet out into the ocean (maybe so the local mobsters can take their enemies on a “long walk off a short pier”). But how is it that the boardwalk itself, not to mention the businesses and rides behind it, also seem to be propped up on pilings over the water? Forget hot dogs and pizza — that guy should be selling fish and chips, since he could literally go fishing through a hole in his floor.
@Voshkod: Thanks!
FC: So, Dolly. Are you going to narc on yourself?
@Voshkod: Real thought here is that Team Heathcliff is putting real thought and effort into the art and backgrounds. Unlike, say, Blondie or Shoe, where you know what the setting is going to look like before you look at the strip.
Chris makes a sympathy play to get her hands on the Crankshaft family fortune: a box containing one penny from 1973, half a book of stamps from the early 80’s, a Werther’s original physically fused with its plastic wrapping, a coupon for Pizza Hut expired in 1982, three rubber bands, five unmarked and unknown pills, and a newspaper clipping of the re-election of Ronald Reagan in 1984.
This does not help with her rent situation.
@Dennis Jimenez: #47: re-CS:
“anybody over 70”
You know how my mom used to handle it whenever some old geezer wanted to complain about the cost of things today and wax nostalgic over what they paid 50 years earlier? She’d ask them how much they made back then. That took the wind out of their sails.
@matt w: Heathcliff is to Bruegel the Elder as Shoe is to a piece of newspaper lining the bottom of a sick lorikeet’s cage.
DT: Drat, so it’s going to be “future self time travelling in to set up the robberies” or “alien clone/robot” instead of “split” personality? Where’s the fun if it’s not connected to reality sufficiently to snark at the inconsistencies?
MW: Well, being unable to clearly state your real problem (“vibes” instead of weird attempts to force special food, “left” instead of dragged off after a knife confrontation) is some kind of character consistency. Not good consistency, but at least some.
JP: In any sensible real-world arrangement, yes, but this is Judge Parker
@ectojazzmage: And it’s such a forced joke. Crankshaft’s daughters are about 75 years old. So this one should already have some kind of retirement plan that isn’t susceptible to “rent control.” I’m not a New York City guy, is that still even a thing?
@Anonymous: Whoops; that was me.
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: And that’s the formal “Usted”, so it’s saying “How’s it hangin’, Sir or Madam?”
Fred Basset Spanish to English.
FC – This is something Jeffy would do, not Dolly.
Frazz – How is it being “mean” if a slacker doesn’t get to leave early because they didn’t bother to do their homework?
Mother Goose & Grimm – Crashing the luncheons of funerals of people they know. Amateur.
Rex Morgan – Truck has to use the bathroom. He comes back out. “Why is the bathtub filled with ice?”
Gil Thorp – Really meticulous job on the lettering on the baseball jersey.
6Chix – I sympathize with Xunise, but maybe she should work out her issues with a therapist. She should definitely have her meds reviewed.
@Guillermo el Chiclero: People who make those comparisons always seem to leave their salaries out of it.
@CanuckDownSouth: The character inconsistency is that Mary lets Dawn get away with this lame non-explanation. She’s obviously hiding something. And after Sunday and Monday’s strips, we all know what it is.
Truck’s going to be tapped out on his wedding night.
Zippy – But what if you made a strip that was the anti-Hi & Lois? You know, a strip that was inventive and funny. If it met the real Hi & Lois, they’d annihilate each other!
My pick for COTW.
6Chx: Bianca was sad in the Sunday strip, and depressed today. On Sunday she was gloomy, and Monday she was out-of-sorts. Tomorrow she contemplates her own mortality.
DT: A scale model of the Moon Coupe in your office would be quite the conversation-starter, as visitors would take it for either an advanced sort of electric can-opener or a mechanical cockroach.
FC: What kind of gum do you like chewing, Billy?
Hey, look! It’s a PLUGGER!
FG: the stories are fast paced and art is detailed. How can Dan Schkade do this himself? Or does he supervise a team of elves?
GA: Ed is going to deal with a topical issue? Oh, yeah, rent control has been destroyed like forever.