Metapost: Comments bursting in air
Post Content
OK, sorry, I missed dawn’s early light, even on the West Coast, but here is your comment of the week nonetheless:
“Is Dr. Jeff’s ‘again’ meant to indicate that he’s already (willfully?) forgotten what Mary’s told him, or does it display his belief that Wilbur’s life is a karmic circle of disasters that are superficially varied but basically the same thing happening to him over and over?” –Pozzo
And your runners up! Very funny!
“Somehow, it seems like Sigmund Freud would have been a more appropriate choice to quote in Mary Worth today. What’s German for ‘man, that’s completely fucked up’?” –Dmsilev
“Y’all, are we sure they’re playing chess at home? It looks more like the White Void comic strip characters love to visit. Maybe it’s some kind of timeshare?” –Victor Von
“WILBUR: ‘I just … I want to get on a plane, leave Santa Royale…’ [Literally the entire cast is gathered at the window, watching eagerly — major characters like Toby and Ian, infrequent appearances like Saul Wynter, total one-offs like Keith the beefy daughter-haver and Esmé the smoking boat seductress; everybody.] MARY [trying to subtly but desperately wave everyone away, they’re going to blow this]: ‘It’s perfectly normal, Wilbur.’” –Dan Carroll
“The replacement of the Charterstone pool party with ‘private cruise on Dr. Jeff’s yacht’ as the standard Mary Worth storyline interstitial is symptomatic of the broader pandemic-era trend towards isolation and atomization in American society. In this essay, I will…” –Vince, on BlueSky
“The entire bottom of that fish tank is encrusted with blackened filth, and the fish are visibly dirty. Marvin doesn’t do many things right, but the strip is always on-brand.” –Rosstifer
“On the plus side, Leroy’s eyes appear to operate independently, chameleon-like, or are totally blank, depending on how you squint at them. I like the second option, accompanied by a flat, robotic voice, all the better to fit the emotional tone of this strip. You can lead a horse to the greeting card section, but you can’t make him care!” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV
“Don’t feel bad, Truck. Maybe Cody will have a kid soon. Then you can be a terrible grandfather.” –MKay
“Truck’s fiancée is trying to insert a classic roots country LP into a cheap 90s era CD boombox. This marriage is over before it even began!!!” –Where’s Rocky?
“Humans be damned! We’re setting the gorge guardrails at ‘dog on hind legs’ level!” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women
“…and the staff at Bed, Bath and Beyond just let him sleep there, for like, days. It’s kinda scary what a grip the military has over this town.” –pugfuggly
“That’s the face of a future supervillain who is going to encase our sun in a Dyson sphere so she can have it all to herself. She’s so adorable!” –Tabby Lavalamp
“I used to know someone fairly into NASCAR, and have half-heartedly sat through a few races. I recall no reason why I should’ve been at an angle to watch. Is this what I was missing, all along, with sports I’m not into? Literal change in perspective? Should I be upside-down for basketball? Would twisting my head 180 degrees make lacrosse endurable? Is perpetual spinning the secret of the Winter Olympics? Or is Gertie, like, pretending she’s having the tires on her couch changed, or something equally soul-dead? It’s that one, isn’t it?” –A Grave Mind
“Yeah, I get that you’re an alcoholic and gambling addict, but my issue with you is that you keep your lounge chair right next to our shared fence in a direct line with our bedroom window. What’s that all about, dude?” –Weaselboy
“I’m starting to think Thirsty isn’t even actually a dysfunctional buffoon, he just pretends to be one so he has a ‘bit’ to identify himself by in the world’s most boring neighborhood.” –ectojazzmage
“Part of their annual ritual to ensure that the Sun comes up for another year.” –Liam
“Hey, look on the bright side: maybe this means the Keane Kompound is about to be obliterated in a rocket attack.” –Schroduck
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40 replies to “Metapost: Comments bursting in air”
Congrats to Pozzo on the CotW!
Shadow COTW Contenders, Part 1
Bob Tice
June 28th, 2025 at 4:27 am Reply
Mark Trail: “It says here that our son can’t jump in the lake because the water will get Rusty!”
Hibbleton
June 28th, 2025 at 4:40 am Reply
Mary Worth: Wilbur says from here on he would get to know people better before letting them in his house.
“And on that note, how do you explain this?” He asks Mary as he shows her a grainy photo of a woman standing in front of an apple cart.
MKay
June 28th, 2025 at 5:14 am Reply
Mark Trail: Swimming areas shut down, Mark. It happens. Maybe there was a corpse in the water. Maybe someone dropped in a candy bar and caused hilarious mayhem.
Rube
June 28th, 2025 at 5:55 am Reply
Mark Trail: Shouldn’t Billy, age 7, get a credit when he’s the guest artist?
Mikey
June 28th, 2025 at 7:09 am Reply
Mark Trail: Who has ever said “our lake for swimming”? Anyway, someone got it confused with “our lake for pooping.”
Little Guy
June 28th, 2025 at 9:21 am Reply
Judge Parker: The CIA ordered a hit on the cat, didn’t they?
Bob Tice
June 29th, 2025 at 4:47 am Reply
Mary Worth: Thank goodness Wilbur’s abject despair isn’t remotely interfering with his ability to wolf down that muffin.
TheDiva
June 29th, 2025 at 6:35 am Reply
Phantom: If I woke up in the middle of the night and was greeted by the sight of my nude husband embracing a masked man in purple spandex, I would start to seriously reevaluate my perception of both him and our relationship.
ValdVin
June 29th, 2025 at 7:58 am Reply
Pluggers are old enough to remember when Vatican II ruined The Church.
Myrtle
June 30th, 2025 at 5:02 am Reply
Rex Morgan: Will we get to see Wanda let down her beehive on the wedding night? They owe us that.
seismic-2
June 30th, 2025 at 5:43 am Reply
Mary Worth: Mary apparently has her own very eccentric personal vocabulary, in which for some strange reason “fortunate” is somehow a synonym for “celibate.”
Peanut Gallery
June 30th, 2025 at 6:15 am Reply
Pluggers: Pluggers stop at all the neighborhood kids’ lemonade stands. Except Alex’s. Pediatric cancer, my foot! Get out of that hospital bed and get a paper route or something, you little moocher!
Banana Jr. 6000
June 30th, 2025 at 6:20 am Reply
Pluggers: Kids don’t open lemonade stands to make money anymore. They make Skibidi Toilet.
pugfuggly
July 1st, 2025 at 4:43 am Reply
Rex Morgan: /several years earlier/ “So you want the entire room painted Grimace Purple?” “No, that would be crazy. Paint that wall Dying Parakeet”
MKay
July 1st, 2025 at 4:47 am Reply
Mary Worth: Poor Dr Jeff. It’s getting more and more challenging to come up with a neutral way to say, “moronic asswipe.”
I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV
July 1st, 2025 at 5:23 am Reply
Pluggers: Oh, great, just great. Now I’ve got to go down the google hole researching “Do bears get skin cancer?” Thanks a lot, Pluggers.
Ettorre
July 1st, 2025 at 5:41 am Reply
You’re a Plugger if you are like an insect deterring predators by having your body signal to the entire world that you are too toxic and sick to be consumed.
matt w
July 1st, 2025 at 6:02 am Reply
Rex Morgan: Wanda woke up this morning and slipped on her favorite portal to another universe.
Shadow COTW Contenders, Part 2
BillieVee
July 1st, 2025 at 7:55 am Reply
You’re a plugger if the kids keep asking you to say “diabeetus” for some reason.
Hibbleton
July 1st, 2025 at 8:50 am Reply
Family Circus: Poor Billy. He thinks he can fight off the CHUDs with a little league bat.
MKay
July 2nd, 2025 at 4:42 am Reply
Luann: Give it a rest, hypercritical boyfriend. Camp Skye will just assign Luann to table wiping; that’s literally her entire resume. Back off and let her become a weenie czarina.
Hibbleton
July 2nd, 2025 at 5:06 am Reply
Hi and Lois: The Sun claps back: “How’d you like a neutrino blast? You little ingrate!“
Tabby Lavalamp
July 2nd, 2025 at 5:56 am Reply
Hi and Lois: That’s the face of a future supervillain who is going to encase our sun in a Dyson sphere so she can have it all to herself. She’s so adorable!
Mountain Mama
July 2nd, 2025 at 6:58 am Reply
Mary Worth: “Since the invention of the kiss there have been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one leaves them all behind and runs shrieking in the opposite direction. This is an anti-kiss.”
Dennis Jimenez
July 2nd, 2025 at 8:53 am Reply
Bizarro: The problem with a seeing-cam dog is for every panorama you get a dozen dog assholes. Though, I suppose there are those who go for that…
Ukulele Ike
July 2nd, 2025 at 11:52 am Reply
Dick Tracy: But…if present-day Lovejoy is going to be sent back to 1917 and 1917 Lovejoy is going to be an investment tycoon…WHO WILL WORK THE NIGHT SHIFT AT THE BISCUIT FACTORY???
Biscuit-fanciers of neo-Chicago are biting their nails.
A Grave Mind
July 2nd, 2025 at 8:03 pm Reply
At long last, we get it: Beetle Bailey: Dollar Tree Chinese Knock-Off Action Figure Version. Tomorrow, we chuckle at the hard-drinking foibles of General Haytruck, and Surge’s efforts to get the most out of his wacky misfits. Hijinks ensue!
Scratchy Scrotum LXIX
July 3rd, 2025 at 5:08 am Reply
Mark Trail: As they ponder the source of contamination, all I can think of is that Marvin recently visited Lost Forest.
pugfuggly
July 3rd, 2025 at 5:11 am Reply
Gearhead Gertie: Honestly I’m just impressed that Gertie’s husband can stay seated at that angle. Despite his age, he must have butt cheeks like vise grips.
I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV
July 3rd, 2025 at 5:32 am Reply
Mary Worth: “For example, Wilbur and Dawn could join us on this comically large yacht for a cruise down the coast. We’d hardly know they were here.”
“I named this boat the S.S. No Plebes for a reason, Mary.”
TheDiva
July 3rd, 2025 at 7:05 am Reply
Dustin: Stop it! Just stop it! Jesus Christ, some Jeopardy contestant asks to be introduced as a “stay-at-home-son” as a joke and because it sounds better than “recent college graduate looking for a job” and you decide this is Everything Wrong With the Youth Today and devote an entire week to pointing and laughing at him rather than spending one second thinking about the social and economic dynamics that might be preventing an obviously intelligent man with an advanced degree in PoliSci from obtaining financial independence. Dear God, if you were projecting your own self-centered laziness any more you’d be buying ad space at Cinemark.
ectojazzmage
July 3rd, 2025 at 7:44 am Reply
Hi And Lois: I’m starting to think Thirsty isn’t even actually a dysfunctional buffoon, he just pretends to be one so he has a “bit” to identify himself by in the world’s most boring neighborhood.
Pozzo
July 4th, 2025 at 4:31 am Reply
Mr. Wilson (and, quite possibly Daddy Keane) thinks: “The hell with Fourth — get me a fifth!”
Bob Tice
July 4th, 2025 at 4:38 am Reply
Family Circus: Gosh, July 4 hasn’t been a good day for “George”s, has it. First the King, back in 1776 — and now, Mr. Wilson.
Charterstoned
July 4th, 2025 at 4:49 am Reply
Mary Worth: Knowing Mary will choose her go-to salmon from the menu, Jeff resigns himself to the inevitable and waits for her baited breath.
taig
July 4th, 2025 at 6:45 am Reply
Dennis the Menace: Mr. Wilson’s plan to take a bunch of sleeping pills and blissfully skip the entire day failed.
Anonymous
July 4th, 2025 at 7:54 am Reply
Dennis the Menace: If it’s July 4th, why was Dennis just at a New Year’s Eve party?
Shadow COTW
——————
treetown
July 1st, 2025 at 7:19 am Reply
Dick Tracy: So old timey Lovejoy takes over investments. He immediately goes all in on the blue chips: Trans Atlantic Zepplin, US Hay, Amalgamated Spats, Congreves Inflammable Powders. For relaxation he’ll take in a baseball game. Where is Honus Wagner.
Way to go, Big Poz, and the Floaters, Shadowers, and Scroters (Long Balls Week):
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Hibbleton
June 28th, 2025 at 4:48 am Reply
CS: “Tits and Ass…Gotta mow my grass” was right there.
Weaselboy
June 28th, 2025 at 5:22 am Reply
CS – Come on, Cranky. Throw on a leotard. I want to see The Music and the Mirror with full choreography.
Tabby Lavalamp
June 28th, 2025 at 6:24 am Reply
You could make me believe the moon landing was a hoax, that Mr. Rogers shot JFK, that Bigfoot gets it on with the Loch Ness Monster, that the LotR trilogy are entertaining movies, or that Wilbur Weston’s milkshake brings all the girls to the yard.
You can never make me believe in a million years that Crankshaft would ever willingly go to any friggin’ Broadway musical, let alone A Chorus Line.
Baja Gaijin
June 28th, 2025 at 6:06 am Reply
Mark Trail: Is that Rusty Trail or Alfalfa from the “Our Gang” shorts?
Rube
June 28th, 2025 at 5:55 am Reply
MT Shouldn’t Billy, age 7, get a credit when he’s the guest artist?
MKay
June 28th, 2025 at 5:14 am Reply
MT: Swimming areas shut down, Mark. It happens. Maybe there was a corpse in the water. Maybe someone dropped in a candy bar and caused hilarious mayhem.
MW: Wilbur has learned two things, but fear not; there are a million ways to be stupid and our boy is a champ at finding them.
Needless Exposition
June 28th, 2025 at 5:01 am Reply
MW: Wilbur is pretending that he’s learned from his situation and ignoring the fact that he’s the one at fault for giving a woman he barely knew his full address. Next week, Mary is going to get a call about how Wilbur sold Dawn to human traffickers because he wanted a phone number.
Charterstoned
June 28th, 2025 at 5:08 am Reply
MW: “HAVE YOU?” Mary screams at Wilbur. “HAVE you LEARNED something—ANYTHING AT ALL—from your failed relationships? Because I personally find that VERY. HARD. TO. BELIEVE. And to test you on that point, I’ve already made arrangements for Dawn and EVERY SINGLE ONE of your ex-girlfriends and their significant others—and that includes Belle and Avery Batsfry—to join us at Star Lounge for karaoke. GET YOUR COAT.
Horace Broon
June 28th, 2025 at 9:47 am Reply
MW: “I have learned very specifically that when a woman wants to have sex with me, I shouldn’t invite her into my home without learning more about her. Just as I previously learned that when a woman wants to have sex with me, I shouldn’t give her money for salsa lessons without learning more about her.” Extrapolate further, Wilbur!
Fred Astaire’s Face
June 28th, 2025 at 6:57 am Reply
MW: Wilbur just came in his muffin.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
taig
June 28th, 2025 at 6:43 am Reply
Luann: This dialog would have been (somewhat) funny in the junior high setting.
Alice Sweet from Norfolk
June 28th, 2025 at 6:52 am Reply
Luann: I can imagine the introduction from the other direction.
Tara: “This is Luann. She lacks a twat.”
I speak Jive
June 28th, 2025 at 8:41 am Reply
Frazz – Frazz broke his leg! That means – gasp – that he won’t be able to run and will have to sit around on his ass like Mrs. Olsen for at least six weeks. How can he be smug and superior if he isn’t fanatically running? For once Caulfield’s arm flailing is appropriate.
taig
June 28th, 2025 at 8:45 am Reply
@I speak Jive: I’m sure Frazz has one of those arm rowers, so he can keep up his smugness.
Lord Flatulence
June 28th, 2025 at 9:15 am Reply
JP: Ces loves using the passive voice. It’s like the characters are narrating their own dialog.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Nekrotzar
June 28th, 2025 at 10:42 am Reply
Dustin is obviously randomly picking out a name he saw on a sign for a New Jersey rest stop, so it’s sheer luck that he went with “John Bon Jovi” and not “Connie Chung.”
Liam
June 29th, 2025 at 4:31 am Reply
RMMD-“You might be the father of an adult son? That must have been a painful birth for the mother.”
Ukulele Ike
June 29th, 2025 at 9:12 am Reply
MW: Carl Jung fucked his lady patients. In years to come, this would become a strict no-no in psychoan@lytic circles. But in those days, goodness knows, anything goes.
Artist formerly known as Ben
June 29th, 2025 at 11:49 am Reply
MW: Carl Jung wrote today’s quote after becoming conscious that Wilbur Weston exists. “Oy vey,” he moaned in pain, quoting his mentor.
Dmsilev
June 29th, 2025 at 6:57 am Reply
Somehow, it seems like Sigmund Freud would have been a more appropriate choice to quote in Mary Worth today. What’s German for “man, that’s completely fucked up”?
Ettorre
June 29th, 2025 at 9:42 am Reply
Mary’s old-fashioned advice is often effective, but her prude instincts are driving her astray. A modern therapist would simply say “Wilbur, you aren’t in love, you’re simply horny. Rub one out and consider the situation objectively through post-nut clarity”
Needless Exposition
June 29th, 2025 at 4:36 am Reply
MW: Obviously Wilbur’s memories of Belle center around the fact that she was willing to touch him without dry heaving or threatening a lawsuit. It’s not like he actually knows anything about her like her favorite color or if she had any hobbies let alone that she was off her medication. After all, only Wilbur’s feelings matter here and that’s what Mary’s enabling: him whining like the big selfish baby he’s drawn as.
ectojazzmage
June 29th, 2025 at 7:49 am Reply
Mary Worth: This is not normal, Mary! Nothing about any of this is normal!! And its incredibly alarming that you say it is!!! What the actual fuck is wrong with you!!!!
BigTed
June 29th, 2025 at 4:43 am Reply
Mary Worth: Mary, are you sure you should be touching Wilbur like that? Somehow I think you’re about to receive an overnight delivery of fresh Florida oranges from a “secret admirer” — and by the time you notice the tiny holes in the side and the slightly spicy taste, it’ll already be too late.
Bob Tice
June 29th, 2025 at 4:47 am Reply
MW:
Thank goodness Wilbur’s abject despair isn’t remotely interfering with his ability to wolf down that muffin.
Tabby Lavalamp
June 29th, 2025 at 8:49 am Reply
Has Wilbur maybe considered getting professional help himself rather then relying on the platitudes of an untrained old biddy with nothing but time on her hands and suspiciously coloured muffins? Before this, the man had a break with reality where he assaulted people on the street. He needs more than some home-made baked treats and a conversation with the local busybody to get through this.
I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV
June 29th, 2025 at 9:03 am Reply
Mary Worth: Epilogue: Wilbur did not know that his new life would not be given him for nothing, that he would have to pay dearly for it, that it would cost him great striving, great suffering under the watchful and meddling eye of Mary. But that is the beginning of a new story — the story of the gradual renewal of half a man, the story of his gradual regeneration, of his passing from one world into another, of his initiation into a new unknown life, without Belle, without sex, without even the comforts of mayonnaise. That might be the subject of a new story, but our present story is ended. Wilbur is going to Siberia.
Dennis Jimenez
June 29th, 2025 at 6:59 am Reply
MW – And just know the Propecia (TM) head boob massage was starting to work….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Guillermo el Chiclero
June 29th, 2025 at 6:50 am Reply
FC:
“Daddy, why isn’t Grandpa with us anymore?”
“He was killed in a fireworks accident. He got too close a seat.”
I speak Jive
June 29th, 2025 at 8:42 am Reply
FC – What? Why isn’t Dead Grandpa fucking with the fireworks to entertain the melonheads? You know, like making the fireworks explode a few feet above the ground (how spectacular!), inadvertently turning the nearby houses into a raging inferno.
BigTed
June 30th, 2025 at 4:36 am Reply
Mary Worth: Dr. Jeff is so permanently uninterested in Mary’s life and friends that he wasn’t even paying attention when she told him a legit fascinating story, about how Wilbur’s girlfriend kept trying to poison his daughter and he almost let her because he was enjoying the sex so much. I mean, even the dolphins that keep swimming alongside Jeff’s boat for some reason know what happened, and they barely speak English.
Needless Exposition
June 30th, 2025 at 4:41 am Reply
MW: It’s not that Dr. Jeff is ignorant of Wilbur’s love life; he just doesn’t care. The man has spent decades being dragged around and financially extorted by this meddling harpy. He owes her nothing and this trip to international waters will show her once and for all how much he’s been longing to push her overboard and let the turbines do the work for him.
The Rambling Otter
June 30th, 2025 at 4:50 am Reply
So, we the audience saw what happened to Wilbur, then Wilbur told Mary in great detail about what happened, now Mary’s going to tell Jeff in great detail what happened.
Jokes on you comic, nobody cares what happens to Wilbur.
Banana Jr. 6000
June 30th, 2025 at 5:07 am Reply
“Wilbur? That loser we had the goldfish funeral for? We’re talking about this guy AGAIN? Out with it, Mary: are you sleeping with him? Are you – oh, God, is that why we’re on this trip?”
“Yes. Wilbur’s decided he wants Stellan taxidermied. I think the burial at sea was around here somewhere. Now go get your scuba gear on.”
AmazingLabyrinth
June 30th, 2025 at 5:12 am Reply
Look at Dr. Jeff’s expression. He is eagerly anticipating the hilarious exposition of Wilbur’s sadsack love life. Moments from now, he and Mary will collapse to the deck in uncontrollable laughter. Then his boat rams a buoy, sinks, and they die. A happy ending for all!
seismic-2
June 30th, 2025 at 5:43 am Reply
MW: Mary apparently has her own very eccentric personal vocabulary, in which for some strange reason “fortunate” is somehow a synonym for “celibate”.
Tabby Lavalamp
June 30th, 2025 at 5:50 am Reply
Mary, as we all know, is not a licensed therapist nor is she clergy, so this means she is not beholden to any industry standards when it comes to patient confidentiality. This means she is free to partake into what makes all of this worth it – blabbing tales of her friends hitting low points in life to anyone who will listen.
Victor Von
June 30th, 2025 at 5:53 am Reply
Mary Worth: Ha! The placement of Mary’s hair makes it look like Dr. Jeff has a duck’s bill! Insert quack joke here, I guess!
Myrtle
June 30th, 2025 at 5:02 am Reply
RMMD: Will we get to see Wanda let down her beehive on the wedding night? They owe us that.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Ettorre
June 30th, 2025 at 5:23 am Reply
You’re a Plugger if you think business should be like lemonade stands: no taxes, no unions, no health regulations!
Vanya
June 30th, 2025 at 5:44 am Reply
Pluggers: Wouldn’t the obvious joke have been to show a street with like 8 different kids running lemonade stands in front of 8 different houses and a plugger gamely marching off to stop at “all of them”. I mean, sure, it doesn’t bear much resemblance to any real world scenario I know. But that’s normal for this strip.
Peanut Gallery
June 30th, 2025 at 6:15 am Reply
Pluggers – Pluggers stop at all the neighborhood kids’ lemonade stands. Except Alex’s. Pediatric cancer, my foot! Get out of that hospital bed and get a paper route or something, you little moocher!
BillieVee
July 1st, 2025 at 7:55 am Reply
You’re a plugger if the kids keep asking you to say “diabeetus” for some reason.
Voshkod
July 1st, 2025 at 7:58 am Reply
You might be a Plugger if, during the war, you passed messages to the Resistance in the form of Morse code tattoos on your arms, but you never learned Morse code so, to this day, you wonder why ham radio operators thank you for your service and ask how the attack on Le Havre went.
Dennis Jimenez
June 30th, 2025 at 7:38 am Reply
Pluggers – For ninety crumby cents, a Plugger makes the poor kid listen to a half hour dissertation on why social equity demands senior discounts….
BeckoningChasm
July 1st, 2025 at 4:38 am Reply
Luann’s boyfriend seems to be turning into Bernice. Is his name Bernie? Because that would be apt.
I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV
July 1st, 2025 at 5:17 am Reply
“WOW vs. Weenie” isn’t just a punchline, it’s the Luann corporate motto!
Paul1963
July 1st, 2025 at 6:56 am Reply
Luann: I give you a sound-effects-only preview of a strip that will appear in late July or early August: *bump* *twang* *zip* *AAAIIEE!!*
anon
July 1st, 2025 at 7:08 am Reply
Luann: She could shoot herself in the face with a bow and arrow, sure, OR she could trip, knock herself out, and fall unconscious headfirst into a bucket of water while cleaning the toilets at Weenie World.
Needless Exposition
July 1st, 2025 at 4:42 am Reply
Luann: Considering that Weenie World might be moving Luann to handle food, she’s going to need a backup plan when she winds up causing a massive outbreak of listeria, salmonella, and even pinkeye.
MW: Mary is acting like everyone is thoroughly invested in the drama of Wilbur’s love life while Dr. Jeff wishes he could change the channel and get back to his fantasy of running on the beach with his college roommate.
MKay
July 1st, 2025 at 4:47 am Reply
MW: Poor Dr Jeff. It’s getting more and more challenging to come up with a neutral way to say, “moronic asswipe.”
Guts Dozier
July 1st, 2025 at 5:10 am Reply
MW: “What I’m saying, Jeff, is that I want to take a break and fuck around for the next couple of years.”
Little Blue Bicycle
July 1st, 2025 at 5:52 am Reply
MW panel 3: “I’m sorry Mary, I don’t mean any of that. Frankly I despise the little SOB but I keep hoping to get a little action out here on the boat. But that’s a lost cause. Let’s face it Mary, you’re meant to be with Wilbur. It’s him you love, in your own sick and twisted way. Get out of the boat now!” *spalsh*
Charterstoned
July 1st, 2025 at 4:56 am Reply
MW: “He’s ENJOYED himself…and sometimes a person NEEDS periods of alone time.”
Meanwhile, at Charterstone, Wilbur flips through his collection of well-thumbed girlie magazines as he enjoys himself in a much needed period of alone time.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
TheDiva
July 1st, 2025 at 6:39 am Reply
Happy Canada Day to any and all north of the border ‘Mudges! Enjoy doing whatever it is you do today (which lately I assume involves a lot of side-eyeing at and gossip about the massive fustercluck next door).
Schroduck
July 1st, 2025 at 4:44 am Reply
RMMD: Used correctly, halftone is a cool artistic tool that not only saves the artist time but also creates the beloved retro look of newspaper comics. Used incorrectly, it gives your readers vertigo when they stare too long at your characters’ clothes.
MKay
July 1st, 2025 at 4:47 am Reply
RMMD: Don’t feel bad, Truck. Maybe Cody will have a kid soon. Then you can be a terrible grandfather.
Astroboy
July 1st, 2025 at 4:53 am Reply
RMMD: Who cares about sideburns when Wanda’s dress is triggering an epileptic fit!
matt w
July 1st, 2025 at 6:02 am Reply
RMMD: Wanda woke up this morning and slipped on her favorite portal to another universe.
Victor Von
July 1st, 2025 at 6:11 am Reply
Rex Morgan, MD: When I was a kid, I’d find myself staring at the tile pattern in my grandparents’ bathroom floor. The way the lines intersected, blurring together and creating the illusion of movement, fascinates me to this day.
Well, enough about me. Let’s talk about Wanda’s dress.
The Quiet Man
July 1st, 2025 at 5:32 am Reply
RMMD: The better question, Wandawandabobondabananafanafofondamemymomonda, is why aren’t YOU angry with Truck for once again stalking off and disappearing for hours at a time whenever a problem requiring the assistance of other people crops up? You deserve better!
treetown
July 1st, 2025 at 7:19 am Reply
RMMD: Wanda is sporting the latest ziptone dazzle style. It is an homage to world war I ship designs meant to make it harder for submarines to plot a torpedo shot using periscope optics. Nice one Wanda! Also when she sits down, it makes a convenient chessboard in her lap.
Pozzo
July 1st, 2025 at 5:40 am Reply
RMMD: I’m looking forward to tomorrow’s strip, just so I can see how she gets an LP into a CD player.
Your Favorite Foghat Cover Band
July 1st, 2025 at 12:37 pm Reply
RMMD: Speaking of hair situations, would it be too much to ask for a *little* detail in Wanda’s do? Right now it looks like a giant licorice Dot, and frankly I find that unsettling.
Count de Monet
July 1st, 2025 at 4:35 am Reply
You’re a plugger if you have malignant skin.
The Rambling Otter
July 1st, 2025 at 4:41 am Reply
Pluggers: You’re a plugger when your only earring is a pimple on the end of your earlobe.
I can make the exact same joke and nope, still not funny. Probably because it’s the exact same joke.
pugfuggly
July 1st, 2025 at 4:43 am Reply
Pluggers You know, when you put it that way in kinda sounds like Pluggers get tattoos of liver spots to fit in, I guess? Really sad.
Philip
July 1st, 2025 at 6:46 am Reply
Pluggers – Liver spots are God’s tattoos, and wearing sunscreen is an abomination!
Vanya
July 1st, 2025 at 6:55 am Reply
Given that a “Plugger” is basically a lower middle class white person over 55, I would have guessed that most younger “Pluggers” are actually pretty tatted up these days.
TheDiva
July 1st, 2025 at 6:39 am Reply
Pluggers are theoretically working-class, yet seem to think tattoos are only exhibited by…I dunno, scary “urban” types probably.
I speak Jive
July 1st, 2025 at 7:05 am Reply
FC – How sweet! The number on Billy’s shirt is the age he’ll be when he finally graduates from high school.
taig
July 1st, 2025 at 9:07 am Reply
FC: “And why the fuck isn’t Grandpa controlling the weather from Heaven like I’ve demanded?!?”
I speak Jive
July 1st, 2025 at 10:37 am Reply
@taig: Re FC –“Dead Grandpa controls the weather” is one of my pet peeves. I remember the original strip – Dead Grandpa makes sure that the weather cooperates with whatever plans will amuse his idiot grandchildren, but who cares how many other people he fucks over, such as farmers. This isn’t the sweet thing Bil Keane seemed to think it was.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Little Guy
July 1st, 2025 at 7:29 am Reply
GT: Old and Busted: Spring sports going well into summer. New Hotness: Proms going well into summer.
Ukulele Ike
July 1st, 2025 at 7:21 am Reply
Blondie: Jokes about tree-hugging moonbat environmentalists were slightly more tolerable back when Lee Zeldin wasn’t busy dismantling the EPA for parts.
Artist formerly known as Ben
July 1st, 2025 at 1:53 pm Reply
BB: Mort Walker is the one who first named grawlixes, and his sons honor him by adding a dragonfly to them.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
MKay
July 2nd, 2025 at 4:42 am Reply
LUANN: Give it a rest, hypercritical boyfriend. Camp Skye will just assign Luann to table wiping; that’s literally her entire resume. Back off and let her become a weenie czarina.
MW: I’ve had handshakes with total strangers that were positively orgiastic, compared to that kiss.
Activist
July 2nd, 2025 at 4:40 am Reply
MW: Dr. Jeff still practices safe Covid Kissing.
Charterstoned
July 2nd, 2025 at 4:52 am Reply
MW: Get a room.
ValdVin
July 2nd, 2025 at 5:08 am Reply
MW: It’s like watching a kid press Barbie and Ken’s faces together, except with paper cutouts.
LTJpezcore1
July 2nd, 2025 at 5:26 am Reply
MW: I think it would be prudent to never discuss whatever that is going on in panel two today ever again. Because it isn’t a kiss. And I think they’re holding their breaths…
taig
July 2nd, 2025 at 6:45 am Reply
MW: You know what? I saw 9 Chickweed Lane before I saw this, so this doesn’t bother me so much.
Liam
July 2nd, 2025 at 7:07 am Reply
Beetle Bailey-Explains why Miss Buxley has to finish herself off.
The Rambling Otter
July 2nd, 2025 at 5:25 am Reply
BB: Has anyone pointed out that Buxley only has one boob? I mean, if she was facing to the side sure, but she’s not at any more of an angle than Blips (that I can tell)
Lord Flatulence
July 2nd, 2025 at 8:36 am Reply
@The Rambling Otter: Either uni-boob or mono-boob.
Astroboy
July 2nd, 2025 at 5:49 am Reply
If AI is gonna just remove one of Buxley’s boobs, they’ll have to rename her Unibuxley.
Dennis Jimenez
July 2nd, 2025 at 6:29 am Reply
@Astroboy: That’s to make it more relatable. The average American has one tit.
Lord Flatulence
July 2nd, 2025 at 10:42 am Reply
BB: He tends to jerk off when testing them.
Voshkod
July 2nd, 2025 at 6:10 am Reply
“Why does your face look so bloated, Buxley?”
“I dunno, why does the end of your cowlick disappear into thin air, Blips?”
“Fuck you.”
“No, fuck you.”
matt w
July 2nd, 2025 at 6:13 am Reply
The real coloring issue in Beetle Bailye, is, why does Miss Blips always wear olive drab when she’s a civilian?
Rube
July 2nd, 2025 at 6:18 am Reply
@matt w: She’s not civilian, she’s enlisted military, even though she works beside a private contractor. Her actual title in the strip is “Private Blips”.
matt w
July 2nd, 2025 at 6:25 am Reply
@Rube: Well I never! Thanks for the info.
Rube
July 2nd, 2025 at 6:27 am Reply
@matt w: No problem. As with many of us here, I kinda hate myself for knowing this stuff.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
matt w
July 2nd, 2025 at 6:33 am Reply
H&L: In twenty-five years, Trixie’s therapist is going to have one hell of a time unearthing the childhood trauma behind her fixation on emotionally unavailable men.
Nobody
July 2nd, 2025 at 6:38 am Reply
H&L: Trixie is a ungrateful jerk who expects others to cater to her free time between diaper deposits.
taig
July 2nd, 2025 at 6:45 am Reply
Zits: “It’s going to sound even cooler when we autotune the shit out of it.”
taig
July 2nd, 2025 at 6:38 am Reply
CS: Don’t worry, Lillian. You’re not the only one who thinks you’ve lived too long.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Baja Gaijin
July 3rd, 2025 at 4:26 am Reply
Slylock Fox: This is the first time I’ve seen socks with a reservoir tip.
The Quiet Man
July 3rd, 2025 at 4:40 am Reply
RMMD: ‘Park Bench Time’. ‘PARK BENCH TIME’!!! Good grief, it’s a running gag now…
Pozzo
July 3rd, 2025 at 4:44 am Reply
MW: “If I keep agreeing with her, maybe eventually I’ll get laid!”
Professor Well Actually
July 3rd, 2025 at 5:00 am Reply
MW: Listen Mary. Wilbur is a fucking advice columnist. That’s what he does for a living. Why the fuck would he need advice from you?
pugfuggly
July 3rd, 2025 at 5:11 am Reply
MW: OK, I know this is not on topic or even original but my GOD that is a HUGE boat just to use to take a spin around the bay as an after-dinner digestif (or possible as a substitute for sex). How much diesel is getting burned up each time these two trade platitudes about their friends’ latest adventures? I’m just going to say it: Mary Worth is a climate villain that must be stopped.
Astroboy
July 3rd, 2025 at 5:26 am Reply
MW: Ye Gods, the S.S. Compensation has grown even more ludicrously larger. Moy knows as much about pleasure boats as she knows about veganism, and yoga, and karaoke, and college hierarchy, and, well everything else.
LTJpezcore1
July 3rd, 2025 at 5:15 am Reply
MW: I was thinking that today’s strip meant more time than we probably think has elapsed, considering Wilbur is going on vacation again, but then I realized holy god, the Dawn/Dirk thing was a Christmas/New Year’s plotline. WE HAVE BEEN DEALING WITH THE WESTONS SINCE BEFORE CHRISTMAS 2024!!! IT’S THE FOURTH OF JULY TOMORROW!!!!!! THIS IS ABSOLUTELY INSANE!!!!!
Needless Exposition
July 3rd, 2025 at 5:20 am Reply
@LTJpezcore1: If Moy wants to write about the Westons being narcissistic morons with desperate love lives and incestuous undertones, she should just write a spin off.
Tabby Lavalamp
July 3rd, 2025 at 6:04 am Reply
There is no way Dr. Jeff isn’t realizing that Mary’s meddling is ineffective what with how much worse the Westons’ lives are getting, but he’s not going to say anything because the sunken cost fallacy is eating him alive with how much work he’s been putting into eventually doing the naughty with her.
Vulcan with a Mullet
July 3rd, 2025 at 6:23 am Reply
MW: Obviously the writers of the strip are aware that tormenting Wilbur is a consistent source of amusement, but I really wish they would go beyond the “Wilbur falls off a boat!” theme. There are many more interesting ways to almost die than boats! Why not have him accidentally wander into a hot spring at Yellowstone and have his flesh boiled off? That could be a nice source for advice column material!
Maltmash3r
July 3rd, 2025 at 9:25 am Reply
You know, if they do go on vacation, and the strip then follows them around instead of following Mary’s attempt to break Toby’s SPLAK addiction, the whole strip should be renamed to ‘”The Westons”
Little Blue Bicycle
July 3rd, 2025 at 8:44 am Reply
MW:”Any idea where they might go?”
“Wilbur mentioned Orlando, apparently there are a lot more sex-starved mental patients there.”
Daisy
July 3rd, 2025 at 8:18 am Reply
MW: “As Mary and Jeff discuss Wilbur…” is the least enticing lead-on to a comic strip I’ve ever read. It could just as well say “As Mary and Jeff discuss their bowel movements…”
Bob Tice
July 3rd, 2025 at 7:55 am Reply
MW:
“Okay, a little off topic, Mary, but do you have any idea how many unnecessary procedures it took for me to be able to afford a boat of this colossal size?”
Old Man Shadow
July 3rd, 2025 at 7:45 am Reply
It was fortunate for Mary that she found the one other person who found discussing the boring details of pathetic wretches to be a turn-on: “Yes, yes, tell me more about Dawn and Wilbur and their lower middle class, tacky travel plans, Mary! Then kiss me, you fool!” Dr. Jeff thinks.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
TheDiva
July 3rd, 2025 at 7:05 am Reply
Dustin: Stop it! Just stop it! Jesus Christ, some Jeopardy contestant asks to be introduced as a “stay-at-home-son” as a joke and because it sounds better than “recent college graduate looking for a job” and you decide this is Everything Wrong With the Youth Today and devote an entire week to pointing and laughing at him rather than spending one second thinking about the social and economic dynamics that might be preventing an obviously intelligent man with an advanced degree in PoliSci from obtaining financial independence. Dear God, if you were projecting your own self-centered laziness any more you’d be buying ad space at Cinemark.
Ukulele Ike
July 3rd, 2025 at 9:29 am Reply
Crankshaft: He’s a professional. Offer to PAY HIM, you loathsome hag.
ValdVin
July 3rd, 2025 at 9:13 am Reply
Crankshaft: I don’t remember this guy, but I will now. I can’t forget a newsreader who brings his phone to the desk, leaves the ringer on, and answers it during a broadcast. He really belongs in Centerville!
Poteet
July 3rd, 2025 at 9:50 am Reply
CRANKSHAFT: You could get some revenge, unfortunate TV anchorperson, by waiting for Sweeps Week and doing a special story on how Lillian’s bookstore has always had an impressive number of zoning, permit, and safety violations. A casual reader might think those problems would have been noticed at the time the store was set on fire, but noooo. Forget it, reader, it’s Centerville.
LUANN: So now readers are supposed to believe that in the populous San Diego area, Luann would be one of the top candidates for the position described, a position that is mysteriously open even though any typical summer camp is already fully staffed and well underway. Riiiight. I’m hoping that Luann will soon be caught in a human trafficking operation that specializes in the terminally stupid, and that Tara will turn out to be one of the organizers thereof.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
brendancalling
July 3rd, 2025 at 8:49 am Reply
Pluggers: earlier this week I went out for a 6 mile run, then came home and did a few sets on the rowing machine. Back in 2023, I ran a marathon. I do a lot of running.
But holy shit, stairs. When did I become a plugger?
White Rabbit
July 3rd, 2025 at 7:45 am Reply
Pluggrz: It’s not indicated what Katt-Mann’s problem with stairs is. Does he just get winded halfway up and have to pause to catch his breath? Is he asthmatic? Is he painfully crippled by arthritis in his knees or hips? For this Plugger, losing weight would help any of those problems. So as far as I’m concerned, he brought it on himself, and self-help is the key to improvement.
Popper Cherry
July 4th, 2025 at 4:43 am Reply
“I met coffee for Phil!” Luann says. “And he assed me in the fuck!”
Baja Gaijin
July 4th, 2025 at 4:26 am Reply
Arlo and Janis: I hope Arlo has Tide OXI Ultra – Stain-blasting Laundry Power! in the laundry room to remove the grass stains on Janis’ shirt’s. Because lawn boinking be ensuing!
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Astroboy
July 4th, 2025 at 5:10 am Reply
DtM/FC: Walking around with a cute little party hat and toy trumpet = Not menacing.
Deliberately standing right up next to the bedside of your sleeping father and unleashing a hellish cacophony = Menacing!
Pozzo
July 4th, 2025 at 4:31 am Reply
Mr. Wilson (and, quite possibly Daddy Keane) thinks: “The hell with Fourth — get me a fifth!”
Downpuppy
July 4th, 2025 at 5:23 am Reply
Yes, George Wilson’s life is hell. So is Dennis’, consigned to an eternal cycle of rejection next door and punishment at home. Henry & Alice? Their lives are empty, with the monotony only broken by the embarrassments inflicted by Dennis. Does anyone get joy in Dennis the Menace?
Martha. She’s the Wanda of Westview. They’ll never break her power.
pugfuggly
July 4th, 2025 at 5:17 am Reply
DtM Funny how Dennis’s parents are nowhere to be seen on this scenario. For them ‘independence day’ means a 24 hour respite from the nattering of their idiot child.
FC Speaking of small idiots, normally in this kind of gag these two would be malapropping the hell out of those lyrics, but not that song, and not today. They may be annoying little melonheads, but they love their country, dammit!
ValdVin
July 4th, 2025 at 5:06 am Reply
Pluggers taking a page from Family Circus and running a panel from what appears to be 1958. Standing up when it’s on TV is damnably performative.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Bob Tice
July 4th, 2025 at 4:58 am Reply
MW:
“Jeff, can’t we dine someplace other than the Bum Boat for a change?”
“What alternatives did you have in mind?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe the Posterior Pizzeria. Or the Rump Restaurant. Or the Derriere Deli. Perhaps the Backside Bistro. Or possibly the Tuchus Taqueria.”
Special Scrotal Awards to the Best No. 69 and Beyond of the Week
69. Charterstoned
June 28th, 2025 at 7:24 am Reply
Dustin: The long-haired sex symbol that immediately springs to mind is Fabio. (I mean, back in the day.) If you’ve never seen his Your Valentine Date Video, it’s worth watching just for the off-the-charts cringe factor.
69. UncleJeff
June 29th, 2025 at 8:16 am Reply
Ohhh, Willllllbur (the strip formerly known as “Mary Worth”): Shut up, Mary.
Just shut up.
(But first, 86 Wilbur from your condo. I don’t care how)
69. The Rambling Otter
June 30th, 2025 at 7:14 am Reply
Marvin: He pissed his money away.
Special Scrotal Awards to the Best No. 69 and Beyond of the Week
69. Voshkod
July 2nd, 2025 at 6:45 am Reply
Blip’s ‘blips’ ain’t so blippy today. I guess she got married over the weekend to Lt. Col. Busty.
69. BillieVee
July 3rd, 2025 at 7:16 am Reply
H&L: “I’m serious, Thirsty. Alcoholism is funny and all, but gambling? On the PHONE? That’s just sad.”
69. Ettorre
July 4th, 2025 at 6:51 am Reply
Martha, more than anyone else, you should know that George has problems rising, even in the morning
Thanks Scratchy and congratulations to Pozzo.
Thanks for the Scrotes, Scratchy!
Thanks Josh and Scratchy.
Congrats to Pozzo and my fellow floaters and thanks, Josh and Scratchy!
Thank you, Scratchy!! Wow! I feel witty, oh, so witty, I feel witty, and funny, and bright…
Congratulations to the writers of the multifaceted entertaining snark here, and thank you to the selectors thereof! Special congrats to Pozzo! Gonna start wading back toward a little individual recognition, so poteeterisks* to Vince on Bluesky, Tabby Lavalamp, Needless Exposition, and Baja Gaijin.
Congrats to Pozzo, everyone on the float and shadowfloat and my fellow scratchies! Broon Croons to Vince, Tabby Lavalamp, Bob Tice, Hibbleton, Mountain Mama, Ukelele Ike, TheDiva, and Charterstoned!
Thanks for the acknowledgement.
Thanks for the mentions, Baja and Scratchy!
Thanks ever so much, Josh, Baja and Scratchy! Fireworks to everyone!
@25 Poteet: Yay! I got a Poteeterisk! Take that, Nobel Prize Committee.
Mighty congratulations to Pozzo and the float crew, as well as the shadow-ies and scratchies, with thanks to Scratchy Scrotum LXIX for the mentions. Tips of the beret to Rosstifer, MKay, and weaselboy.
I feel so humbled by this honor! I feel like setting off some fireworks. (Good timing!)
Congrats to the honorees and thanks, Baja, Scratchy and Horace!
@Poteet: I’ll display my Poteeterisk to that bitchy lady who randomly yells at my dog for existing as a boast and a threat.
Hey, it’s such fun to laugh all over again reading these comments that made me guffaw when I first saw them! Congrats, Pozzo, Floaters, Scrotes, and Shadows! Thanks for the mentions, Baja, Scratchy, and Horace! I feel like celebrating—maybe a ride on a yacht!
Thanks Scratchy! :3
Thanks hugely to Josh and Baja! Big salute to our current heavyweight champ, Pozzo! Big salute to the rest of you wonderfully funny people, making this little spot of the Internet a glorious thing.
Thanks, Baja & Scratchy!
Thanks Scratchy! Congrats to Pozzo and the runner-ups!
SHOUT OUT TO JOSH!
COTW was late so finally recognized our hardworking host was taking a holiday. Banks, postal service, stock market do and Josh toils even more feverishly than they. But no! He is loyalty itself to his mission of entertainment . Its that kind and of persistence that made our independence possible.
All hail the Chief.