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My name’s the Comics Curmudgeon and I’m here to say/ It’s COTW time in a major way!

“Ah yes, the old story of the charismatic front man* being tempted to leave behind his loyal friends** for a shot at fame and fourtune.***

* nondescript Rex Morgan secondary character
** some guys who have not been given backstories or even names as far as I can recall
*** being a cover act in a dive bar” –TheDiva

This old school rap rhymes but doesn’t scan/ But here are funny runners up to say “You da man!”

“Look, gang, maybe you should be asking multimillionaire jewelry-store owner Kendra Scott for help, instead of a couple of dogs. I mean, they’re nice dogs, but she’s a lot more likely to have a helicopter at her disposal. And she just offered to help — for all we know, taking time off to rescue hot-air balloon enthusiasts from the sides of cliffs is written into her Shark Tank contract.” –BigTed

“If Cody thought that hell was having a half-brother not want anything to do with him, wait until he finds himself playing ‘Drop Kick Me, Jesus’ to a crowd of twenty five drunk hipsters for the thousandth time.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Dot, it’s because, one day, the prince actually COULD be president! That metaphor got a bit tortured but you get me. I’ll be at Thirsty’s.” –A Grave Mind

“The caller could care less if the jury finds Crock guilty or not guilty of whatever crimes he may have committed. There is no credit card. There is no bank. The caller is making sure Crock is at his desk as the drone comes through the window.” –Hibbleton

“Ditto, you need to get on the phone to your agent. Didn’t they promise they were going to make you ‘the next Bart Simpson’ with your own catchphrase and everything? ‘The strip’s breakout star,’ isn’t that what they said? Well, look at the kind of material you’re actually getting. Not good, dude. Not good.” –Joe Blevins

“I like the tension of the two panel structure. You wish your mom what?!?! Never died? Never got knocked up by a dalmatian and broke up your family? Never bought that hideous taxidermied dog corpse?” –Schroduck

“One of Hagar’s men smiles to hear this witty retort. Another snaps to sudden, ravenous attention, and a third appears to have lost his mouth somewhere between panels one and two. But it’s the two whose expressions don’t change that really seal it for me. They could care less about class struggle, or about literally eating the rich. They’re just there, doing what needs to be done. It could be manning the oars of Hagar’s knarr, it could be some light axe work, whatever. It beats the plow, or getting tossed in the peat bog as a ritual sacrifice, kind of.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“Every now and again, you see a hint of military reality in Beetle Bailey. Today, they’ve seized the high ground! Good job. The ghosts of Jomini and Clausewitz nod approvingly, while the shades of Patton and Kesselring curse them for not digging in on the reverse slope. High ground’s great, guys, but artillery remains the Queen of Battle, and the sons of Saint Barbara, from Mehmed the Conqueror to Freeman McGilvery to Marshal Zhukov, are slavering to turn your position into a churning sea of mud and flesh.” –Voshkod

“Buick has spent the last several years, and probably millions of dollars, trying to rebrand their cars for younger drivers and along comes Mary Worth to undo all that effort with a single panel. Sorry, Moy and Brigman, but when the GM legal team comes knocking, the ‘younger people will enjoy it ironically’ rationalization that you use on your editors probably won’t work.” –Where’s Rocky?

“I think I see the problem, Henry: it’s backwards.” –pugfuggly

“In Ivory Lana two thugs make a botch
Of their simple assignment to keep the night watch.
Having let their attentiveness slip by a notch
They’re brought down by the Phantom’s robust SHADOW CROTCH!

The Phantom has struck like a snake in the grass
And smacked each of the guards at his center of mass.
For Chuma to somehow escape this morass
He must first overpower his foe’s STRIPEY ASS!

Dai Lu Han’s motorcycle has slowed to a stroll
On the journey to Chuma’s atrocious hellhole
But since Phantom has got the mine under control
She might just as well head back to Jungle Patrol!” –Uncle Lumpy

“I don’t often compliment the Dennis the Menace art, but that is a great depiction of a woman blissfully thinking, ‘I’m going to leave you.’” –matt w

“It’s not that it’s gotten too late for Rex and June — it’s that it might get too late. Of course, it’s never too early to worry about it getting too late.” –Boomer

“Rex and June need to be well-rested and ready to heal when all of the injured rowdies from the reception start staggering/crawling/line-dancing into the clinic.” –MKay

“Do ‘critics’ really say the race cars need to go faster, Gertie? Is there a yearly quota for fiery fatalities that’s somehow not being met? Or, are you projecting your own lust for deadly incendiary mayhem onto these ‘critics?’” –astroboy

“The irony is that the King of Id thought that legalizing weed would mellow out the hordes of angry peasants. Instead, they’ve just added ‘excessive excise tax on cannabis’ to their list of grievances.” –Guts Dozier

“I don’t see Saul or Eve, but wait! Oh, there’s the top of Charterstone roof and the parking lot. I can see my car. To think, we were home all the time and didn’t realize it. My, oh my, now there’s a life lesson for you, Olive. Olive? Olive? Oh, you are already down and almost at the parking lot.” –Kirk Out

“Remember when comic books used to have ads with Spider-Man™ hawking Hostess snack cakes and fruit pies? Well, whichever ad agency has that account has decided the comics idea was good, but the approach needs to be WAY less exciting. You get a big delight mild pleasure in every bite!” –Peanut Gallery

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