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As we all contemplate our morality under the gaze of the omnipotent Santa Claus, let’s enjoy this week’s comment of the week!

“Anyone here own a top hat? Or seen one? Ever? Yet the Mitchells own one. Look at Henry’s pose, right there. THAT, friends, is the asshole who thought it was cool to dress as Mr. Peanut for Halloween, every year, from 1987 to 2002.” –A Grave Mind

And your very funny runners up! They exist outside the realm of good and evil:

“This whole arc is like a surrealist horror film in premise: a man goes away on business for a few days and comes back to find his wife has for some reason brought a stranger into his house and that stranger seems to exist purely to torment the man. But the stranger is a parrot and the victim is Ian which turns this from a psychological nightmare commenting on themes of masculinity to the feel-good comedy of the year.” –ectojazzmage

“Attaboy, Ian — pour the bird guano on the floor and carpet. It’ll do them wonders.” –Bob Tice

“Oh no, Gil’s got the avian flu, in that he’s dunking his whole head right into that ramen like a duck.” –pugfuggly

“The problem of personalist rule is that it weakens bureaucratic institutions with much better knowledge and memory. For example, Rodney Rat already tried this scheme during the Obama administration, but neither Princess Pussycat nor Slylock remember this. I do, on the other hand, because the Comics Curmudgeon has stored this information and made it retrievable, something that would be useful to impose the iron fist of the state as much as it is to do dick jokes.” –Ettorre

“Judging by the size of that utterly indefensible picture window in the background, the Princess spends far more time worrying about thieves than a human counter-revolution led by Slick Smitty or Viscount Weirdly, who has been co-opted into the regime with a title and a grant sufficient to cover lab expenses.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“After submerging them both in water, the Rational Reynard found the shocking truth: both crowns displaced the same amount of water. Either both were real, or both were fake. If the former, then there were two sovereigns, and civil war must ensue. If the latter, then the royal treasury must be empty, and civil war must ensue. He finally pointed mutely to the one on the left, knowing it didn’t matter, knowing that the fall of the state was inevitable. The once-Vainglorious Vulpine turned, and left the castle to face the brutal future. At least he had Max with him. That would provide a meal or two when the granaries burned and famine set in.” –Voshkod

“There are only two scenarios in which Ian would ever have a ‘University Excellence’ award. One would be if Toby made it and claimed it was delivered in the mail, as an attempt to stop one of her husband’s violent rages. The other would be if he ordered it for himself.” –Lauralot

“‘Oh no! My fragile excellence award, and the Jenga tower I was using to display it!’ My sympathies remain low.” –Ken

“You can leave Hootin’ Holler? There were people living in Hootin’ Holler who could show their faces somewhere else without being chased away by an angry mob? And the strip never showed them to us?” –matt w

“Toni’s idea of foreplay is a perverse mindfuck directed at her unsuspecting sex partner. Remind him of a failed task, then prevent him from correcting his mistake with her feminine charms. The guilt he feels as he takes her in his arms is an aphrodisiac to her twisted brain. Extra pleasure is derived if it involves increased suffering of rival loved ones!” –SabeHombre

“This is how kids learn about the world around them. The snowman melts; Joey doesn’t.” –Hibbleton

“He’s employed me for years despite my laziness and incompetence — so, no, he’s actually a very, very stupid boss!” –BigTed

“Leroy understands the golden rules of comedy: wait next to a large prop for someone to walk by, say something incomprehensible, then explain the joke, which is that you hate your wife. It’s how all the greats got started.” –Navigator

“Ed, you idiot! Those pints of Jeni’s failed Mashed Potato Ice Cream sell for top dollar on the dark web!” –Gil Bates

“And the worst part is that his name has to rhyme! I’ve tried Lancer, Cancer, Necromancer … and they’re all shit! At this point, I’d settle for Hansard, or Panzer, or even The Answer!” –Guts Dozier

“I don’t know how many bowls of ice cream it will take to soothe my discontent, but so far it isn’t two.” –lynn

“Well no, we haven’t discussed holiday plans. Since this dumb book deal is the most interesting attribute about us as a couple, we’ve laser-focused on that topic for months. We haven’t even been able to pay attention to the passage of time. [does double take] Wait is it Christmastime now? Wow, time really does fly, huh.” –2+2=7

“That bird is only saying what everyone is thinking — and also repeating what everyone is saying.” –Boomer

“To be fair to Crock, in my experience ‘I’m drunk‘ is a reliable way to get out of a lot of conversations (relationships, jobs, etc.).” –a.

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