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Welp, looks like another Friday has come and, in a few hours, will be gone. But we can’t let it pass without acknowledging the delightful comments of the week.

“I’m not sure which is funnier, the idea of Mary Worth having the fraud site memorized and ready to go at all times, or the idea of her memorizing it in a frenzy just before visiting Harvey. ‘Okay, report dash fraud dash FT — wait, no, report dot fraud dash — run it by me again one more time, Toby?’ –Austria

The runners up also make this day great, because they’re so funny:

“It’s to provide Sarge with a cover story. ‘I was … looking at porn! Drowning in mozzarella is a phrase the kids use now!’ Because that’s somehow, some way, less shameful than dreaming about pizza like a goddamn five-year-old.” –A Grave Mind

“The impending drama depends on where Scruffy McScrufface emerges after his incredible leap. If it’s Cambodia, he’ll have a helluva time trying to get out of the region. If it’s Charterstone, it will be even worse.” –Scratchy Scrotum LXIX

“Sarge was sleeping in that position because he’ll be damned if acid reflux will keep him from eating in bed.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Pluggers haven’t noticed that the IRS stopped taking manually filled in paper forms because God hasn’t granted them the serenity to accept that things change.” –nescio

“March Madness for pluggers is when they come out of hibernation and their annual hormonal heat cycle kicks in, and they spend one month fighting other males and furiously rutting with any equally hormonal mate who comes within sniffing distance, before heading out to find a den and mark new territory.” –Schroduck

“I think Mary might be quite literally be talking about ‘backup’ here. Tomorrow the Santa Royale police will roll up and take poor Harney to jail for being stupid. Not really constitutional but the police chief just loves Mary’s muffins.” –pugfuggly

“Good to see Judge Parker getting back to uncut ‘Idle rich people on their vast estates whine about how their every desire is not satisfied.’” –matt w

“In all seriousness, I think Mary’s going to bring in Widower Hart’s daughter (Sharon? Barbara? Something like that). Somehow this will lead to a reconciliation between her and her father, and not with her having him declared mentally incompetent and shipped to a home while she gets power of attorney over his apparently vast fortune.” –TheDiva

“The only possible backup that Mary would consider is Mary herself. Time to head down to the basement lab and decant a couple more of the clones. Coming next week, the rebrand to Marys Worth.” –Dmsilev

“Troy and Hank came up through the ranks together. Matriculated at Juilliard. Got good notices as Rosencrantz and Guildenstern. They had big dreams when they began auditioning. But ya gotta work, and sometimes you take the gig that’s offered. Now Troy gets sweet residuals off all those toilet paper commercials, while Hank is scraping by as a regular on a one-panel strip, where he dons heavy makeup to play old and his character is married to a chicken or a kangaroo or something. They don’t have much in common anymore, and they’ll never be the friends they once were. Sad, really.” –Vice President John Adams

“Now, note that under infrared light we can see the alien parasite coiled in the chest of this young man. We turn the light off, and all is normal. Light on, and again the horrid visage of the parasite appears. Save him? Oh, no. We intend to witness the emergence of the beast during the 2 o’clock showing of Supergirl. It’s for science.” –Voshkod

“Look, pal, you’re in the wrong house. Pluggers don’t enjoy anything.” –Violet

“A character from a comic entirely devoted to bland innuendo sprained his finger on a date, and they’re just not going anywhere with that? Do your job or go home, Luann!” –Dan

“‘People have limits on which illusions they will accept.’ The parrots consuming the salad are the visual and parrotative metaphor of Toby’s literal word salad.” –Braxwell Brontë

“I appreciate that the artist has taken pains to give each parrot its own distinct plumage. But I am somewhat less appreciative of the way in which Mary and Toby have each been given their own distinctly improbable way of holding a cell phone.” –Guts Dozier

“Boys! No need to quarrel! You’re both unlikable in your own way.” –Victor Von

“Cookie, that’s not a compliment. It’s just … a fact. A fact about his dating life. Do you respond to all facts this way? ‘I’m five foot ten.’ Aww, sweet! ‘It’s going to rain tomorrow.’ You’re so nice! ‘The body was found in an advanced state of decomposition.’ I’m blushing!” –els

“What could Leroy and Loretta possibly have affixed to the front of their refrigerator? It’s not pictures of their non-existent kids, and I doubt if it’s ‘Hang In There Baby; Friday’s Coming’ memes. Divorce lawyer phone numbers? Funeral home ads?” –Pozzo

“Come on, Loretta: Why would you go to all the fuss of building an improvised explosive device? It’s a Le Creuset, probably weighs more than a Buick, just drop it on him!” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“‘Hah, good one!’ is what you’d say to your 4-year-old nephew who just botched a knock-knock joke. Mae Mae has been cloistered from reality for too long.” –Old School Allie Cat

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