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Your last comments of the week before Christmas, everybody! I’ll be blogging through next Wednesday but then you’re on your own until 2015. So enjoy this one, it’s gotta last until next year!

“That e-trollop used her hyper-sexed mark-up language to become his .com-cubine.” –grsblvnyk

And the very funny runners up!

“‘Traffic … traffic is the real menace.’ Thus Dennis dedicated his life to (unsuccessfully) building a flying car; he died alone, driven half insane from syphilis.” –rbmalpha

“They could consider wife swapping, but considering that their wives are identical except for the haircolor it might be easier just to swap a pair of wigs.” –John Plugger Mellencamp

“And so Billy’s Beat Poetry Christmas closed after one performance.” –C. Sandy Cyst

“I predict artificial hip.” –nescio

“I don’t think that’s a teacher. I think that’s just some random woman that nabs kids when they try to walk offstage, and has set her sights on Billy next. Mommy Keane has noticed her and is thinking, ‘You know what? I’m just going to let what happens happen.'” –Jack loves comics

“Inasmuch as the economy in Hootin’ Holler seems to be based on stealing chickens from one another, I am very confused by this sequence. Perhaps the Holler’s tribal customs mandate that the subject of theft is a taboo — a necessity that cannot be openly discussed? Anyway, it’s only a matter of time until the Feds start relocating various agencies into the area in a misguided effort at ‘development,’ which will become the favored local euphemism for mooching and feasting on the flesh of delicious, delicious eco-tourists.” –pastordan

“But just imagine if you had no context for this strip … there are these sad droopy people, weighed down by the burden of life, sitting at a diner where they literally nailed Santa to the window frame, and they’re talking about somebody named ‘The Funkman.’ And then the scene cuts to The Funkman himself, in a crowd. My first thought would be the association of ‘funk’ with ‘bad odor,’ and I’d wonder why the joke isn’t that the crowd parts around him with wavy lines, maybe flies, floating over his head. My second thought would be to question whether Robert Goulet is a regular in this strip, or if he’s just coincidentally holding center frame at the same airport as this Funkman.” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“Notice how the giant Heathcliff poster covers half the door, so that all must bow before entering. That’s no accident.” –Digger

9 Chickweed Lane: “And so we transition from The Wrongest Day to Is Paris Boring?” –Droopy Says

“Please tell me Gil said the words ‘no hoops for you’ in the vague foreign accent of Seinfeld’s Soup Nazi. It gives me pleasure to think of Gil as a would-be office comedian whose references haven’t been updated since the ’90s.” –Joe Blevins

“‘No pressure,’ Mary says as she contemplates suffocating herself with her oven-roasted sofa cushion.” –Lynn Larkin on Facebook

“Meanwhile, Sean has been dead for over 20 minutes.” –RavenHawk

“Anyhow, sorry for interrupting with my ‘Bobby talk’. You were saying something about how I’m a terrible player? The metaphorical bottom of the barrel?” –pugfuggly

“So first Mary tried to use Sean to get Hanna to move to Somerset. And now Sean is trying to push Mary into moving to Somerset(!) This is like one of those action-packed political thrillers where everyone keeps double-crossing one another, except it’s about retirees arguing over their living arrangements while eating dessert.” –BigTed

Judge Parker: “I think someone called this yesterday: this isn’t business negotiation or marital trouble, it’s an extended form of very weird .001% foreplay. In a few hours (i.e., roughly six months), Rocky will have Godiva on a desk somewhere in the factory growing more aroused as he watches the dollar appreciate against the Thai Baht on his smartphone as Godiva talks dirty about what her husband is doing to American workers.” –Master Softheart

“SI.com, Feb. 17, 2037: ‘Coach stuffed into locker by own players; wet hair gives rise to rumors of alleged swirlee.'” –cheech wizard

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