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Sorry, folks: tomorrow just the first of three boring March 1sts that follow February 28ths; we have to wait until 2028 for more leap day glory. I know you’re sad about this, but try to console yourself with this comment of the week.

“For Pluggers I just assume the cast of characters are a troupe of actors from an improv group who got hired to star in a series of short vignettes sent in from readers. They are actually big city dwelling thespians with fancy art degrees and a relatively middle-class status thanks to regular work in the comics. It’s no Peanuts (in comic strip actor world, the phrase ‘working for Peanuts’ had the opposite meaning than for us), but anything that keeps you employed, and not in the political cartoons, is a win for many of them. Anyway, Claude has a wife, but she works outside the industry.” –Philip

And your runners up are very funny!

“Oh, this one’s super-easy, and the kids will get it in a snap. Slylock opts for the lesser-priced wand because he’s heeded the words of veteran investor David Roche, who predicts a bear market in 2025 on account of smaller-than-expected interest rate cuts, a slowing economy and an AI bubble. So Slylock wants to save his investment dollars.” –Bob Tice

“Batiuk advances the radical eugenic proposition that if you are not tall enough to reach the high shelves you should not be allowed to own a shop.” –Ettorre

“I love Standard Sal’s name and facial expression. Yup, that’s me, I’m just a regular ol’ pig, down here at the market, selling my three common bubble wands so I can take my four fifty back home to my wife, Conventional Connie, and my kids, Common, Normal, Meh and Standard, Jr. in good ol’ suburban Typical Town.” –astroboy

“I appreciate that the bird refers to his fiancée as ‘the Widow Palmer’ instead of ‘Betty-Lou’ or whatever her first name is and I hope this continues throughout their marriage because I can’t think of anything funnier to cry out in orgasmic joy.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“‘How’s your vegan ice cream?’ is so menacing that Dennis has lost his raison d’être.” –Drew, on Bluesky

“It’s not your memory, Lois, it’s the fact that you live in some kind of constantly changing hellscape that makes reality itself impossible to grasp onto. Look: the walls changed colors and your teacup shrunk between those two panels! What even is ‘memory’ in that kind of a space?” –pugfuggly

“You need a brain cloud. It involves trepanation, a blender, and a diffuser. When it’s done, your brain will be floating around the room as a fine mist. You’ll feel much better. I have a drill if you want to get started.” –Voshkod

“Studies have shown that frequent web use actually does reduce our working memories, because we just assume we can find information right away by Googling — so in that sense, the internet really does become our ‘brain cloud.’ That’s something Dot would know if she spent more time on her phone like a normal kid, and less time conversing with her stupid parents!” –BigTed

“Hm I haven’t checked in on Gil Thorp in a while, I wonder what kind of sports-based fun they’re up to (in a featureless void, an unfamiliar figure beckons closer and whispers, ‘Don’t be afraid. Horses are prey.’)” –Dan

“‘Pluggers don’t smoke cigarettes’? Not feeling it. How about ‘Plugger edibles’ (a table full of food)?” –matt w

“‘Silver? Now THAT is a horse of a different color.’ — Sherlock Holmes, The Adventure of Brown Blaze” –Only Here For The Ads

“Okay, new pitch for a Dick Tracy spinoff comic: Those two sucky nephews trying and failing endlessly to open a jar of pickles, wrestling with it, themselves, and each other, often in bizarre and contorted positions. They could travel from place to place, entering and exiting stories and situations we never fully see, because our attention is focused rightly on their attempts to open this fucking jar like a goddamn pickle-based Sisyphus. Sometimes they affect those situations or are affected by them, and sometimes they just drift through them without anything changing, like leaves on the wind.” –Craig!

“I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. The owls are not making life easier for Atazhoon tonight.” –Doctor Moreau

“Jughead chokes on his drink. ‘Not paying attention!? That’s so unfair! Don’t these girls know you have shit for brains!?’” –Hibbleton

“List five people you’ve haunted in the past week or you’re fired. Amazing how few ghosts can pass this simple pulse test. Worthless work from home slackers, scamming the ancient of days. I wouldn’t want to be in your sheet…” –Dennis Jimenez

“Looks more like a vast expanse of desert than a beach. Where’s the ocean? Are they spies, posing as confused tourists, sent by the US to monitor aboveground nuclear tests somewhere in Central Asia? With the prospect of capture and imprisonment, you’d think they’d set aside money for long-term dogsitting.” –A. Mulyak

“It must gall Mary to know that she can fill in for the perennial loser Wilbur, distribute her pearls of wisdom to the masses (via print?) and that as far we know no can tell the difference. By the way, is she doing this for free? If so, I have some advice for her.” –Kirkout

“Mary can’t be bothered with all the tedious Ask Wendy letters (‘I caught my boyfriend cheating.’ Zzzzzzz.) So she throws them away and is now just using the column as an opinion piece to spread her platitudes to the public at large. She’s never felt more alive!” –Cleveland Mocks

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