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This week’s comment of the week comin’ at ya … right now:

“I’m really uncomfortable with the way Truck is breaking the fourth wall here. ‘Are you this guy’s father? You, the reader? Well, if I remember my Roland Barthes then, yes, indeed, you could be described as a metaphorical parent to both of us…’” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

And your runners up! Very funny!

“Lighthouses have traditionally served as phallic images in romance novels and Dot and Ditto show us the consequences of those romantic urges. A timely warning as couples head out on their summer vacations.” –Hibbleton

“The twins scampered around to the other side of Lois’s chair before delivering the ‘sand’ line. Their next complaint about the beach will be ‘The blocking is too fussy.’” –Peanut Gallery

“Pubs must have had a seniority system based on hours spent in the establishment, which entitled the most frequent customers to benefits. In the strict class structure of the UK, it’s the only status Andy is eligible to have over the other mere-drunks who spend most of their days on other fruitless pursuits like productive, but low-paid, labor.” –Philip

“How tall is Hi? I’m trying to decide if he’s slouching to fit into the frame with his much shorter wife, or slumped over to make him look like a loser. Eh, why not both?” –Victor Von

“I love that something medical is finally happening in Rex Morgan, M.D., and Rex is nowhere in sight. He’s probably pretty happy with that too.” –Dan

“I know that this strip over describes everything it does, but in this case it really makes it sound like an obvious fraud. ‘Here’s the website … and now I’m putting in the password … and here are the results …wow, it says here that you are super-duper my dad! It’s funny how these new websites looks just like a PowerPoint file. It’s not, though.’” –pugfuggly

“Truck must have been assuming this would be like an episode of Maury, where the DNA test would just shout out the identity of the father without needing any interpretation. Which, now that I think about it, would be a much funnier way for 23AndMe to work. ‘Travis, you are … NOT 1/16th Cherokee!’” –Navigator

“Trixie may be filled with the same malaise as the rest of her family, a malaise so deep that not even magenta carpet can cheer them up, but she’s already mastered the art of the convincing fake smile. She might just be OK.” –Guts Dozier

“Considering Trixie has been a preverbal infant for decades, I’m pretty sure it’s always too early to apply for her preschool, actually.” –Morgan Wick

“If by ‘applying for Trixie’s preschool‘ you mean ‘searching for houses in a better school district than the monstrosity that produced Chip, Ditto and the other one,’ then yes, yes I am.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“Gertie tried to have Dale’s actual body mounted in the car as well, but Earnhardt family lawyers and a cemetery night watchman put a stop to THAT, the killjoys.” –A Grave Mind

“I guess this answers my question from yesterday. They didn’t take a paternity test, as anyone who knew what ‘paternity’ means would have done. Instead, they sent off to some ancestry-type service. And not one that just says they’re (eyeballing the characters) 107% white. This one matches their genes with everyone else who’s ever used the service, and sends a HIPAA-violating list of close relatives.” –Ken

“Those vampire posers are not real goths! You know who is? Gearhead Gertie! Nothing but a morbid and sexual fascination with death could explain why she put Dale Earnhardt’s car against a wall, the same way he tragically died!” –Ettorre

“I understand why everyone got so outraged by inflation if three bags of Skittles, two bags of chips and an off-brand bottle of Faygo costs $105.95. This price increase is going to drive home-grown American WoW guilds out of business, and before we know it the Chinese will have monopolized the Spine of Deathwing raid business.” –Schroduck

“Wow. Two options, both so unappealing that the only solution is to use each one to get out of the other, then hide out in a decent hotel all week.” –MKay

“Look, man, fuck you, I’m the one that has to collect the phlogiston, the bat urine, the crystalized heart of a mountain, and the blood of a royal virgin for this potion, and that shit costs!” –Voshkod

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