Metapost: Wintry COTW
Post Content
Cold enough for ya??? Well, warm yourself in the bright glow of this week’s top comment:
“Augie should just explain to Summer that, in accordance with their namesake seasons, she is hot and boring whereas Autumn is cool and interesting.” –Violet
And of course your hilarious runners up will keep the chill away:
“I choose to believe that the “squawk” box in the last panel is also part of Ian’s dialog.” –Dmsilev
“Ok, that’s all good and well, but why is he eating outside? Turkey farts? Probably turkey farts.” –pugfuggly
“He’s depressed in advance about how much pie he’s going to lose in that beard.” –MKay
“Humpty didn’t crack open his fellow carton-mate, but he did feast on the albumeny innards of the predeceased, a crime so heinous they have no law against it.” –Rex Thrillho, on BlueSky
“Dustin has embraced his inner Crankshaft, God help us all.” –TheSodorViaduct, on BlueSky
“We see these occasional departures where the strip explores the lives of popular nursery rhyme characters. Is the titular Mother Goose telling these stories to entertain children? Or, since we’ve never seen her with any kids, does she make these stories up to ward off children? Probably the latter, right?” –Victor Von
“I’ve never seen an egg-human with such a small face before. Not clear why I find this vaguely unsettling.” –some guy vaguely unsettled by a cartoon of an egg
“That look on Augie’s face is perfect for someone who has tried over and over to explain the concept of a fictional character inspired by a real person. ‘Please don’t ask for details. You said yourself that she’s smart. I don’t want to admit that that’s one of the differences.’” –Nevin, on Patreon
“You got any six-day old food? Does your disgusting filthy restaurant have any meat that’s just been sitting around since last Thursday? I don’t want to go to work tomorrow, and a bit of violent food poisoning would do the job nicely.” –Schroduck
“Listen, when I texted you ‘semiotic theory and chill?’ this is not what I had in mind.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV
“I enjoy Dick Tracy helpfully providing a balloon labeled ‘machine gun.’ They need to go the full nine here, though! ‘Dick Tracy’s Hand!’ ‘Cigarette!’ ‘Thinking Cop’s Chin!’ Oh, the possibilities!” –A Grave Mind
“I struggle to believe that cars in the Alice-verse are that expensive. I mean, they’d just be made out of vague abstract shapes like everything else in this comic.” –ectojazzmage
“Well, you’re certainly a plugger if you read your mail while standing by your mailbox, as opposed to, say, walking a few feet into the comfort of your own home where you can sit down; it’s easier to read; there’s a letter opener; etc.” –Bob Tice
“TIRED: Wilbur is bad at raising a pet
WIRED: Ian emerges menacingly from the mist to visit his wrath upon a pet” –Dan“I’d be more upset about Jeffy pulling her coat down off her neck to ogle her nape. Probably why Thel wears a turtleneck in the house.” –Hibbleton
“Look at that disaster! Wishing well? More like wishing badly!” –Ettorre
“I’m intrigued by Jeffy’s odd facial expression and posture. I can only assume he’s imitating long-dead variety show host Ed Sullivan, which would be spot-on for this strip.” –Joe Blevins
“In an attempt to stay relevant, Heathcliff has adopted Netflix’s strategy of having characters explain everything that’s happening in detail so that viewers can still keep up with the plot while being glued to their phones. Tomorrow’s caption: ‘The stench of rotting meat has attracted the Beings, and we are all in grave danger.’” –Austria
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23 replies to “Metapost: Wintry COTW”
Shadow COTW Contenders, Part 1
GarrisonSkunk
November 28th, 2025 at 1:04 pm Reply
Mary Worth: Is Quality Pellets™ from the same company that makes Good Dog Food™ and Wilber Chow™?
Sequitur
November 28th, 2025 at 1:19 pm Reply
Blondie Spanish to English.
Television: “And doctors have come to the conclusion that eating food from the Late Thread Cuisine can and probably will cause serious gastrointestinal disturbances. Huy! Ugh!”
“That guy on TV is full of shit, right Lou!”
“I think so.
“How soon until the *Baja Gaijin* special is ready”
“Now!”
Liam
November 29th, 2025 at 5:27 am Reply
Six Chix: What Marmaduke has joined together no man may tear asunder.
MKay
November 29th, 2025 at 6:02 am Reply
Rex Morgan: “Wow, if you read more than just the title page and dedication, there’s a whole STORY. No wonder people like these book things!”
Artist formerly known as Ben
November 29th, 2025 at 12:42 pm Reply
Beetle Bailey: It’s a real head-spinner to find out simultaneously that Camp Swampy has an urban myth status on the level of Area 51 and that any civilian can breach its perimeter in a Shriner’s parade minicar.
The Rambling Otter
November 29th, 2025 at 2:17 pm Reply
Six Chix: Well, Roger and Anita met through their dogs, in Disney’s “101 Dalmatians.” except that was sweet and heartwarming.
Gil Bates
November 30th, 2025 at 4:42 am Reply
Pluggers: Santa’s family exiled him outside during mid-dessert due to obnoxious political views and body odor.
MKay
November 30th, 2025 at 4:50 am Reply
Mary Worth: I’m 10% sympathetic towards Ian, 40% disgusted with his chauvinism and 50% laughing my ass off, because damn, that was FUNNY!
Bob Tice
November 30th, 2025 at 5:26 am Reply
Mary Worth: While Toby would like a paesano
Irked Ian shouts, “Mano a mano!”
But Toby prevails
While Cameron flails –
He’ll douse the Perfesser with guano!
The Quiet Man
November 30th, 2025 at 5:47 am Reply
Mary Worth: Ian looks like he was about to launch into ‘O What a Beautiful Morning’ from ‘Oklahoma!’ as he made his entrance.
McManx
November 30th, 2025 at 7:12 am Reply
Slylock Fox: Snake notwithstanding, I have seen Count Weirdly naked and I’m praying his invisibility formula works fast… VERY fast.
Joe Blevins
November 30th, 2025 at 7:29 am Reply
Pluggers: There’s one detail of this I find unrealistic. If you’re resigned to eating pie outdoors during a snowstorm, you’re no longer bother with forks. You’re past the silverware stage.
Anonyminimouse
November 30th, 2025 at 11:58 am Reply
Mary Worth:
There was an Old Man with a beard,
Who said, ‘It is just as I feared!
Two Owls and a Hen,
Four Larks and a Wren,
Have all built their nests in my beard!’
SO THERE’S NO ROOM FOR A F***ING PARROT AS WELL!!!
Earl
November 30th, 2025 at 5:23 pm Reply
Poor Mr. Plugger has been thrown out into the cold, dreary night with only a slice of pie to sustain him. He’s freezing up right now, and has been standing there for an hour, his limbs frozen solid. See his eyes? And the freshly fallen snow on his pie. This plugger will not be plugging by morning.
richardf8
November 30th, 2025 at 7:06 pm Reply
Mary Worth: That bird is a miracle! He has returned our beloved blowhard Ian back to us.
matt w
December 1st, 2025 at 4:42 am Reply
Dustin: Oh dear, today I find Ed Kudlick relatable. Joining a monastery now.
pugfuggly
December 1st, 2025 at 4:47 am Reply
Mother Goose and Grimm: C’mon officer: he was trying to put them back together again! Unless the crime is corpse desecration? Hmmm, yeah, probably, now that I think of
MKay
December 1st, 2025 at 4:58 am Reply
Rex Morgan: I hate to beat a boring horse, but seriously, is this Summer’s first-ever book?
I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV
December 1st, 2025 at 5:15 am Reply
Mother Goose and Grimm: “Listen, Officer, we were doing Ovarian Underground’s ‘Dumpty Dance,’ and I’ll admit things kinda got out of hand…”
Victor Von
December 1st, 2025 at 5:34 am Reply
Mother Goose and Grimm: We see these occasional departures where the strip explores the lives of popular nursery rhyme characters. Is the titular Mother Goose telling these stories to entertain children? Or, since we’ve never seen her with any kids, does she make these stories up to ward off children? Probably the latter, right?
Hibbleton
December 1st, 2025 at 5:49 am Reply
Judge Parker: “Grandma, why is Grandpa lying in that wooden box surrounded by candles?”
“Oh, it’s nothing but just make sure you and Neddy leave before it gets
But What Do I Know?
December 1st, 2025 at 6:03 am Reply
Dustup: Curse you, DustDad! I actually owned and played that game as a kid. There’s no power on heaven or earth that could entice me to go search for it in the basement now that your foul sausage fingers are touching it.
Harmless little bunny
December 1st, 2025 at 6:52 am Reply
Mother Goose and Grimm: Or maybe we’ll just skip the paperwork and end it right here with a painless little “fall”.
BigTed
December 1st, 2025 at 7:55 am Reply
Mother Goose and Grimm: They’re not taking any chances… Dumpty will go to the electric griddle, and get a lethal injection of Tabasco. It’s what cops call the Texas Denny’s Breakfast Special.
JustSomeGuy
December 1st, 2025 at 9:57 pm Reply
Dustin: I hope next Dustin sets up an elaborate way to say “Et Tu, Brute!” – imagine the laughs.
Pozzo
December 2nd, 2025 at 4:35 amReply
Blondie: Is Lou gripping that cup by the top, where it’s hottest? Look, we’ve seen your tattoo; you don’t have to prove you’re tough.
pugfuggly
December 2nd, 2025 at 4:46 amReply
Blondie: That is Dagwood suddenly realizing that Lou does not eat food from his own diner, and coming to some troubling conclusions.
Guts Dozier
December 2nd, 2025 at 4:58 amReply
Slylock Fox: The left timeline seems like a much better universe than the right. People have more teeth, larger jewelry, they can afford eye care, and bandages are placed at a handsome angle. Not to mention that theater speakers have an extra sound channel, and Popeye is still the same lovable chain smoker.
Of course, both universes have three-toed Bluto, so neither are perfect. And our universe is no picnic either: ERNSE? I think he meant ERNSEC.
Shadow COTW Contenders, Part 2
Hibbleton
December 2nd, 2025 at 6:02 amReply
Chix (sic): “Is it the entire cast of Frankenstein?” She asks desperately hoping Xunise isn’t going to start fucking the pizza.
seismic-2
December 2nd, 2025 at 7:37 amReply
Rex Morgan: “She’s not entirely you. For instance, as soon as she leaves the room, people don’t all ridicule her hairdo.”
Schroduck
December 3rd, 2025 at 6:41 amReply
Alice/Dick Tracy: When Alice asks “Does every new car need all that stuff?”, she’s referring to things like machine guns and turbochargers and vampire fangs. Alice and Dick Tracy actually take place in the same universe – you can tell because like any classic Dick Tracy character, Alice is a grotesque mutant in a weird romance with moon aliens.
Schroduck
December 3rd, 2025 at 6:51 amReply
Dick Tracy: Wait, why does Ozob have a “way bigger budget” than Silver? I don’t know how well being a classic movie-themed villain really pays, but it’s got be more lucrative than putting on cockroach-themed clown shows at county fairs.
Will
December 3rd, 2025 at 6:54 amReply
Mary Worth: Oh, this has been even better than I hoped it would be. The parrot and Ian glowering at each other, ol’ chinbeard actually harrumphing, Toby desperately trying to make peace… My favorite arc since Also Kelrast!
A Grave Mind
December 3rd, 2025 at 6:56 amReply
I enjoy Dick Tracy helpfully providing a balloon labeled “machine gun.” They need to go the full nine here, though! “Dick Tracy’s Hand!” “Cigarette!” “Thinking Cop’s Chin!” Oh, the possibilities!
A Grave Mind
December 3rd, 2025 at 7:01 amReply
Mother Goose and Grimm: The despair on that cow’s face, ye gods. “No, Grimm. I was trying to end it all, okay? Why I jumped, the Moon just happened to be there. Thank God I lived, so I could set up the crappiest joke today this side of Intelligent Life. I’m gonna take a bath. You got a toaster around here?”
ectojazzmage
December 3rd, 2025 at 7:14 amReply
Alice: I struggle to believe that cars in the Alice-verse are that expensive. I mean, they’d just be made out of vague abstract shapes like everything else in this comic.
Ukulele Ike
December 3rd, 2025 at 7:32 amReply
Judge Parker: “I wanted bring Charlotte back because Alan needs somebody to sign for booze deliveries and bring him fresh ice seven or eight times a day, but look. Just keep her, okay?”
MKay
December 3rd, 2025 at 8:17 amReply
Mother Goose and Grimm: Never attempt a punchline when you’re suffering the worst constipation of your doggy life.
GarrisonSkunk
December 3rd, 2025 at 8:30 amReply
@Schroduck: like any classic Dick Tracy character, Alice is a grotesque mutant in a weird romance with moon aliens.
____________________________________________
Picasso Puss!
Ettorre
December 3rd, 2025 at 9:19 amReply
In the Dickverse, does giving a criminal a larger budget increase proportionally their criminal effectiveness or there are diminishing returns? In this essay…
Philip
December 3rd, 2025 at 10:43 am Reply
Dick Tracy: Somewhere in the bowels of the dark web knockoff of YouTube, there is an illegal car modification influencer ready to use this as inspiration for his next murder car build.
Artist formerly known as Ben
December 3rd, 2025 at 3:38 pm Reply
Dick Tracy: Are you sure the difference isn’t that clowns are better at stuffing an improbable amount of stuff into a car than horny stepsiblings?
Bob Tice
December 4th, 2025 at 4:29 am Reply
Hibbleton
December 4th, 2025 at 4:32 am Reply
Mary Worth: “I don’t care how soft-hearted my wife is, Wilbur better get his mashed potatoes out of my shower!”
Gil Bates
December 4th, 2025 at 4:41 am Reply
You’re a plugger if you delight in the disappointment of friends because it will prevent the exposure of your social awkwardness? Chicken, meet egg.
pugfuggly
December 4th, 2025 at 4:46 am Reply
Mary Worth: The only thing that calms Ian down in stressful situations like this is a standing bath in fluffernutter.
MKay
December 4th, 2025 at 4:50 am Reply
Gearhead Gertie: What I know about NASCAR: little cars drive repeatedly around a big oval. What I want to know about NASCAR: not even that. Bite me, Gertie.
Lord Flatulence
December 4th, 2025 at 5:03 am Reply
@Bob Tice: Mary Worth: Thus Spake Zarathustra. Not.
——————————————————————–
Thus spake Blovius Pompousitus, as he lathers up with whipped cream.
GarrisonSkunk
December 4th, 2025 at 5:10 am Reply
Mary Worth: Ian, I know where you can get a new parrot cage and a “cleaner” who will happily get rid of the body if you supply the mayo.
J.J. O’Malley
December 4th, 2025 at 5:28 am Reply
Mary Worth: Unused Panel Three: From behind him in the shower, Ian suddenly hears a voice cackle,”Squawk! Pass the Old Spice body wash, Chubby! Squawk!”
I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV
December 4th, 2025 at 5:28 am Reply
Gearhead Gertie: “Or we could visit the Mission?” “Hmm, it’s true that Monk Tate’s sole win was with a Late Model Sportsman at the Orange County Speedway in 1973, but that was in North Carolina, and I don’t remember him running over any parishioners kneeling at worship. Let’s put a pin in that one.”
Old School Allie Cat
December 4th, 2025 at 6:42 am Reply
Mary Worth: The amount of steam needed to obscure Ian’s nudity from the neckbeard down is that usually confined to old-timey trains. On the upside, he’s going to have the pores of a man half his (advanced) age.
Voshkod
December 4th, 2025 at 6:57 am Reply
Mary Worth: “We’ve switched Ian Cameron’s usual ‘Old Unspiced Professor’ body wash with ‘Extreme Sudsing Action Sandalwood and Leather’ body wash. Let’s see if he notices.”
BigTed
December 4th, 2025 at 7:55 am Reply
Mary Worth: “There’s no way I’ll agree to live with a flying, screaming menace!” — is what J. Jonah Jameson bellowed when Mary Jane Watson asked him to be part of a throuple.
Dennis Jimenez
December 4th, 2025 at 8:29 am Reply
Pluggers: OH NO! How could they possibly cancel the spring Manure Discount Days at the Tractor Supply Company…
KevinOnEarth
December 4th, 2025 at 9:33 am Reply
Mary Worth: It’s taken some time, but Ian’s floating head has finally chewed its way to the top of the bin of floating heads
Schroduck
December 5th, 2025 at 4:38 am Reply
Family Circus: Jeffy’s arrival interrupts what had been a lively and stimulating meeting of the Society Of Women Who Wear Tight Sweaters Over Their Enormous Breasts.
Charterstone: Dune
December 5th, 2025 at 5:14 am Reply
Pluggers: Pluggers are so overcome with dense with habit and routine that they practically cosmic singularities, warping the very fabric of space-time to its breaking point. Also they sleep in twin beds for some reason.
Ettorre
December 5th, 2025 at 6:23 am Reply
Family Circus: Good news, Jeffy is not colour-blind! Bad news, he’s a asshole!
Shadow COTW
——————
Peanut Gallery
December 3rd, 2025 at 12:54 pm Reply
Alice: “Point A to Point B”? I don’t think any comic strip that’s drawn like this should be emphasizing geometry.
Thanks for the mentions, Baja!
Two weeks in a row?! I’m on fire! Thanks, Josh.
Woohoo! First runner-up!
It got down to the low teens here last night, so the warmth of this recognition is very welcome indeed. Thank you!
Congratulations, Violet et al. Here are the Scrotes (it’s a long balls week):
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Liam
November 29th, 2025 at 4:39 am Reply
FC-“And not when you’re hurling whiskey bottles at me.”
Hibbleton
November 29th, 2025 at 6:12 am Reply
FC: Thel smiles when she realizes Jeffy has unknowingly given her a new, fun sex verb.
Later, “Happy me, Daddy! Happy me real good.”
ValdVin
November 29th, 2025 at 5:31 am Reply
GT: Kit Mills is doing a good job with the art, just in time for the writer to confuse Milford and VT.
Liam
November 30th, 2025 at 4:35 am Reply
MW-“Master of my domain.” Are you really? I propose a contest.
Dmsilev
November 30th, 2025 at 4:35 am Reply
I choose to believe that the squawk box in the last panel is also part of Ian’s dialog.
pugfuggly
November 30th, 2025 at 4:43 am Reply
MW: Sorry, Ian, but ‘Master of my Domain’? Do you mean to say that you’re irritable you hadn’t masturbated during your trip, or have you just never seen Seinfeld?
Bob Tice
November 30th, 2025 at 5:07 am Reply
Mary Worth:
It’s always a winning strategy to get on a wild animal’s good side by shouting at it.
Pozzo
November 30th, 2025 at 5:16 am Reply
I’m looking forward to Sunny plucking hairs out of Ian’s beard while he sleeps in order to build a nest. Sure, parrots for the most part don’t build nests, but it’ll be a good way to fuck with him.
Schroduck
November 30th, 2025 at 5:07 am Reply
MW: It’s been seven or eight years since Brigman took over artistic duties on Mary Worth, but she’s never had a chance to draw a proper Ian meltdown until now. All I can say is it was worth the wait.
matt w
November 30th, 2025 at 7:16 am Reply
Mary Worth quote confirmed. It’s from the De Palma film The Untouchables, which Mamet wrote. The brainyquoters have not always been scrupulous about giving credit to the wordsmiths (crediting George Gershwin with lyrics his brother Ira wrote to his music after George died, crediting Miep Gies with a line put in her mouth with a movie, crediting Lucy Maud Montgomery with a line from a TV adaptation of Anne of Green Gables, yes I did all those from memory), so good on them this time!
Also Elliot Ness proceeds to mock the Mountie captain who says this,* saying “Losing is half the battle” and rejecting the Mountie’s surprise plan. Which, I guess, is a subtle signal that Toby might have been better off giving Ian a heads up.
*As an extreme pedant I have to add–the exact wording may something Ness repeats as part of his mockery.
Tabby Lavalamp
November 30th, 2025 at 7:34 am Reply
“I’m the king of my own castle,” said Ian as he sat down, shaken, on the Acorn stairlift in his single floor condo.
***
Seriously, Ian’s return was better than I ever hoped, and I dislike him more than ever! I wasn’t expecting his dialogue to remind me of a line from an Acorn stairlift commercial that I have loathed from the first moment I heard it.
MKay
November 30th, 2025 at 4:50 am Reply
MW: I’m 10% sympathetic towards Ian, 40% disgusted with his chauvinism and 50% laughing my ass off, because damn, that was FUNNY!
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Ettorre
November 30th, 2025 at 4:37 am Reply
Pluggers practice No-Shave November because they are physically unable to break No-Nut November anyway
nescio
November 30th, 2025 at 4:52 am Reply
Pluggers: Looks more like it was No-Shit November, hopefully that’s pumpkin pie with a modicum of fiber.
BigTed
November 30th, 2025 at 4:38 am Reply
Pluggers: That’s his 15th piece of pie today. The look on his face is sheer exhaustion, combined with diabeetus.
Ettorre
November 30th, 2025 at 4:38 am Reply
Pluggers’ euthanasia involves a combination of hypothermia and diabetes
Gil Bates
November 30th, 2025 at 4:42 am Reply
Pluggers: Santa’s family exiled him outside during mid-dessert due to obnoxious political views and body odor.
pugfuggly
November 30th, 2025 at 4:43 am Reply
Pluggers Ok that’s all good and well, but why is he eating outside? Turkey farts? Probably turkey farts.
Baja Gaijin
November 30th, 2025 at 4:46 am Reply
Pluggers: How fat do you have to be to wear suspenders with sweatpants? THAT fat.
Dennis Jimenez
November 30th, 2025 at 6:06 am Reply
Pluggers – No Pants November landed Santa on the Sex Offender Registry….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
Hibbleton
November 30th, 2025 at 4:39 am Reply
Plugger Santa gives a sarcastic “‘HO HO HO’ Yeah, I’m getting paid but it’s still fat shaming.”
ectojazzmage
November 30th, 2025 at 7:16 am Reply
Mary Worth: That panel of Sunny attacking Ian might just be my favorite Mary Worth panel ever.
Pluggers: Pluggers love to wander off into the wilderness during blizzards to eat pie alone without regard for their own safety.
RMMD: Augie is understandably confused, he’s never been on the receiving end of a booty call before.
Hibbleton
November 30th, 2025 at 4:47 am Reply
FC: Adult Jeff did a good job this morning eliminating dated references from today’s old strip.
The original punchline was “and it’s confederate money!”
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
nescio
December 1st, 2025 at 4:35 am Reply
Not surprising that Dustin had just masturbated before these three panels.
Dennis Jimenez
December 1st, 2025 at 7:06 am Reply
Dustin – I came, I saw, I mopped it up with TP and flushed it….
pugfuggly
December 1st, 2025 at 4:47 am Reply
Luann ‘Poached’? Jesus, the raw flirting energy is off the charts…
I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV
December 1st, 2025 at 5:20 am Reply
Luann: The Big Bang Theory was a popular television comedy that aired on CBS from 2007-2019. It’s nice to see it’s in reruns.
ValdVin
December 1st, 2025 at 6:13 am Reply
Luann: Alan, definitely wait. About 23 or 24 is when you start your prime cougar bait phase. Um…or so people tell me.
Pozzo
December 1st, 2025 at 5:24 am Reply
I knew Henry II’s wife, Eleanor of Aquitaine, was older than he was, but I had no idea that he had an even older mistress. Really had a thing for the cougars, didn’t he?
TheDiva
December 1st, 2025 at 6:47 am Reply
Luann: I’m not sure if there’s ever a right time to have an underage character arguing for a relationship with someone significantly older than them because “they did it in the old days and besides I’m so mature I’m basically an adult, right?”, but the headlines of the past few weeks make this an especially wrong time for it.
MKay
December 1st, 2025 at 4:58 am Reply
MW: No surprise that Ian would like his birds how he likes his women: silent, subservient and stupid.
Lord Flatulence
December 1st, 2025 at 6:11 am Reply
MW: Sunny reacts negatively to bloviating pompousity.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
pugfuggly
December 2nd, 2025 at 4:46 am Reply
RMMD “I mean you’re not particularly brave…or smart…or the hero of your own story. But you’re blonde! I did say ‘blonde’, right? “
TK
December 2nd, 2025 at 4:59 am Reply
Augie, Augie old adage: Know when to shut up.
matt w
December 2nd, 2025 at 4:59 am Reply
Matt W’s Relationship Corner: When your girlfriend asks if you see her as brave and smart, try to scrape up a more effusive response than “Yeah — But.”
I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV
December 2nd, 2025 at 5:24 am Reply
Rex Morgan, M.D.: Auggie looks so sad to tell Summer that he sees her as the hero of his novel. “Jesus,” he thinks. “I’m going to have to explain the concept of character as an intertextual cultural concept transcending the actant/actor dichotomy and indeed ‘identity’ as a socio-semiotic construct. It’s 2:00 a.m.! Couldn’t this wait until the morning?”
I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV
December 2nd, 2025 at 5:40 am Reply
Also Rex Morgan! “Listen, when I texted you ‘semiotic theory and chill?’ this is not what I had in mind.”
But What Do I Know?
December 2nd, 2025 at 6:19 am Reply
RMMD — For heaven’s sake, Augie, put those graduate school English courses on poststructuralism to some good use for the first time in your life and calmly explain how the text is an area of freeplay and the author has no centered right to an ur-interpretation within the always already existing structures of power mediated through the cultural norms of (late-stage) capitalism! The girls fall for that every time!
Violet
December 2nd, 2025 at 6:38 am Reply
Augie should just explain to Summer that, in accordance with their namesake seasons, she is hot and boring whereas Autumn is cool and interesting.
Arabella
December 2nd, 2025 at 6:40 am Reply
RMMD: Now that she’s at his place, will he offer her some “coffee?”
cheech wizard
December 2nd, 2025 at 7:11 am Reply
RMMD – “She’s kind of like you, but not exactly like you. For one thing, she’s got bigger tits. But it’s never mentioned, so I guess I’m the only one who knows that “
Little Guy
December 2nd, 2025 at 6:02 am Reply
RXMD: And Augie fumbles at the 1.
The Quiet Man
December 2nd, 2025 at 5:18 am Reply
RMMD: Good grief, it’s like Beatty read the last Wilbur story and said ‘hold my beer…’
MKay
December 2nd, 2025 at 4:53 am Reply
RMMD: “OK, you can write books, as long as I’m wildly flattered in all of them.”
MW: Which wild-eyed, screeching creature will Toby choose? The world holds its breath.
Lord Flatulence
December 2nd, 2025 at 4:59 am Reply
MW: Sunny’s already formed her opinion about Ian.
Weaselboy
December 2nd, 2025 at 5:24 am Reply
MW – You can tell Sunny’s pissed off by the way he holds that silent H for so long.
Hibbleton
December 2nd, 2025 at 5:55 am Reply
MW: If only Ian understood parrot, he and Sunny would get along famously.
SCREECHHH! (move your fucking head so I can see, dummy.)
Rube
December 2nd, 2025 at 5:35 am Reply
Again, Pluggers goes from “Everybody in the world is a Plugger” to “Three people in the entire world are Pluggers.”
Guillermo el chiclero
December 2nd, 2025 at 6:28 am Reply
Pluggers: That’s right. Only pluggers own and wear hats. The rest of us hoi-poloi go bareheaded in the rain or risk sun-induced skin cancer.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Liam
December 2nd, 2025 at 6:02 am Reply
FC-Young Jeffy Keane turning out another classic comic.
Maltmash3r
December 2nd, 2025 at 6:29 am Reply
Blondie– at first I was wondering why Dagwood would eat at a greasy spoon when his wife is such a great cook. But I figure there must never be leftovers in the Bumstead house.
Tabby Lavalamp
December 2nd, 2025 at 6:13 am Reply
Business idea: Start a restaurant where we can scrape uneaten food off of plates and sell it again later to Dagwood Bumstead.
treetown
December 2nd, 2025 at 5:53 am Reply
Luann: Strike now Bernice. Alan is not just wrong. He is technically way wrong. The day-month-year order is used in Europe, Asia, Africa and South America – so much more than 8% of countries! Strike hard and finish him Bernice!
Guillermo el chiclero
December 2nd, 2025 at 6:51 am Reply
Luann:
Bernice: Is the USA one of those 8% of all countries?
Allen: Yes, why?
Bernice: Then fuck you, you commie, one-worlder dickwad. Don’t you follow the news? It’s America first! Whoo-hoo! USA! USA!
Doc Wonmug
December 2nd, 2025 at 7:02 am Reply
Luann:
Bernice is going to bang this little nerd, just to turn his entire life upside down, isn’t she?
Also, the little nerd is right about ISO-8601 date format. 2025-12-02 for the win.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
ValdVin
December 3rd, 2025 at 6:57 am Reply
Blondie: Dagwood, maybe working for an owner who loses money running a vending machine isn’t the horse to hitch your wagon to.
CanuckDownSouth
December 3rd, 2025 at 7:50 am Reply
Blondie When the cartoonist is so out of touch with the real world that they’re unclear about what “vending” means.
Charterstoned
December 3rd, 2025 at 7:56 am Reply
MW: Sunny eyes Ian and adopts a vulture pose, and using his ventriloquist skills, imitates Toby with a promise for a GREAT DINNER. Sounds to me like IAN is on the menu.
Guy Nerdlinger
December 3rd, 2025 at 7:26 am Reply
MW “Charming avian ways”? Which one — squawking at 6 a.m. or crapping on your blazer?
FC Assuming this present intended as a holiday gift for his teacher, it’s either a really heavy floral arrangement or a really big “World’s Best Teacher” mug.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
treetown
December 3rd, 2025 at 8:13 am Reply
RMMD: As Augie spells it out, he realizes he does love Autumn and not Summer!
MKay
December 3rd, 2025 at 8:17 am Reply
RMMD: After hours of trying to explain “book,” it finally dawns on Augie: “This woman is a complete MORON.”
Bob Tice
December 4th, 2025 at 4:34 am Reply
Mary Worth:
That has to be the world’s largest non-communal shower. I sure wouldn’t want to have Ian’s and Toby’s water bill.
It probably would be more efficient if Toby just hosed Ian down — you know, like zookeepers do with elephants at the zoo.
Lord Flatulence
December 4th, 2025 at 5:03 am Reply
@Bob Tice: MW: Thus spake Blovius Pompousitus, as he lathers up with whipped cream.
Professor Well Actually
December 4th, 2025 at 6:58 am Reply
MW: Sunny will be unimpressed by the perch provided when Ian steps out of the shower.
Charterstoned
December 4th, 2025 at 4:37 am Reply
MW: Today, the role of Ian will be played by Zeus.
Dan
December 4th, 2025 at 4:46 am Reply
TIRED: Wilbur is bad at raising a pet
WIRED: Ian emerges menacingly from the mist to visit his wrath upon a pet
GarrisonSkunk
December 4th, 2025 at 5:10 am Reply
Ian, I know where you can get a new parrot cage and a “cleaner” who will happily get rid of the body if you supply the mayo.
MKay
December 4th, 2025 at 4:50 am Reply
MW: Ian is already confident of his omniscience, omnipotence and omnipresence, so God Takes a Shower works here.
treetown
December 4th, 2025 at 5:25 am Reply
MW: Will Ian don his power robe to confront Sunny?
Arabella
December 4th, 2025 at 6:28 am Reply
MW: Are we sure that Toby isn’t dreaming all this? The shower scene reminds me of Dallas, though Ian is no Bobby Ewing.
Old School Allie Cat
December 4th, 2025 at 6:42 am Reply
MW – The amount of steam needed to obscure Ian’s nudity from the neckbeard down is that usually confined to old-timey trains. On the upside, he’s going to have the pores of a man half his (advanced) age.
J.J. O’Malley
December 4th, 2025 at 5:28 am Reply
MW: Unused Panel Three: From behind him in the shower, Ian suddenly hears a voice cackle,”Squawk! Pass the Old Spice body wash, Chubby! Squawk!”
Ettorre
December 4th, 2025 at 5:37 am Reply
Ian fears being cucked by a pet and this being 2020s “Mary Worth”, his fears are not misplaced!
The Rambling Otter
December 4th, 2025 at 5:46 am Reply
I’ll say this about June Brigman, getting to play around with perspectives like these, and especially when the dream sequences happen, I’m certain that she has a lot of fun drawing this comic.
Voshkod
December 4th, 2025 at 6:57 am Reply
“We’ve switched Ian Cameron’s usual ‘Old Unspiced Professor’ body wash with ‘Extreme Sudsing Action Sandalwood and Leather’ body wash. Let’s see if he notices.”
pugfuggly
December 4th, 2025 at 4:46 am Reply
MW The only thing that calms Ian down in stressful situations like this is a standing bath in fluffernutter.
You’re a Plugger if ‘social event’ means ‘jury duty’
Gil Bates
December 4th, 2025 at 4:41 am Reply
You’re a plugger if you delight in the disappointment of friends because it will prevent the exposure of your social awkwardness? Chicken, meet egg.
Hibbleton
December 4th, 2025 at 4:43 am Reply
Pluggers: …Whose cancellation is more and more often at our age caused by the death of one of the organizers which, uh, delights us?
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
A Grave Mind
December 4th, 2025 at 5:16 am Reply
Lesson learned from Gil Thorp today: Bo Jackson loves wine. And sausage fests!
I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV
December 4th, 2025 at 5:34 am Reply
Daddy Daze: I believe this episode falls in the general category of “every parent’s wish fulfillment.” Not the dream of staying in bed on a cold morning — letting the kid roam free with a fork to stick in the nearest socket.
Guillermo el chiclero
December 4th, 2025 at 7:09 am Reply
Dustin: To add to the game’s realism, if Dustdad wins he gets to feed Dustin to the hungry lion he rented for the occasion. If Dustin wins he gets to display his dad’s severed head on a stick and take Meg as a concubine.
Hibbleton
December 4th, 2025 at 6:10 am Reply
FC: “Most of this stuff is out of date.”
Probably not the best caption to put on a strip that’s been rerun dozens of times over many years.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Ukulele Ike
December 4th, 2025 at 7:01 am Reply
RMMD: Now that Augie has mastered the thriller genre, his next manuscript will be a homage to Alain Robbe-Grillet’s great 1957 nouveau roman La Jalousie. Augie will take the part of the “absent” narrator, and Summer will play the role of “A.”
TheDiva
December 4th, 2025 at 7:06 am Reply
RMMD: Add “unable to express his feelings except through the proxy of his own self-insert character” to the communist parade of red flags Augie is waving.
Schroduck
December 5th, 2025 at 4:38 am Reply
FC: Jeffy’s arrival interrupts what had been a lively and stimulating meeting of the Society Of Women Who Wear Tight Sweaters Over Their Enormous Breasts
Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women
December 5th, 2025 at 4:34 am Reply
Family Circus: And that, friends, is why you never take your coat off when invited to a Bosom Party at the Keenes’. Always be ready to walk out!
Baja Gaijin
December 5th, 2025 at 5:01 am Reply
Family Circus: Is this little tableau the prelude to the afternoon’s Jut Off between Thel and Blondie? That’d be a great missing final panel.
Guillermo el chiclero
December 5th, 2025 at 6:55 am Reply
FC: Mommy! That lady’s out-jutting you! Do something!
E. Norma Stitz
December 5th, 2025 at 8:38 am Reply
FC: Today is the most inspiring installment of Family Circus in MONTHS!
Your Favorite Foghat Cover Band
December 5th, 2025 at 8:43 am Reply
FC: “Also, sorry your head is so round. I hope you don’t have head cancer.”
KevinOnEarth
December 5th, 2025 at 6:39 am Reply
FC: Billy [voice muffled]: “don’t get me started on what’s going on down here!”
The Quiet Man
December 5th, 2025 at 4:45 am Reply
RMMD: ‘Now kiss me, you big lug!’ ‘Sorry, I really need to grade these papers!’
CanuckDownSouth
December 5th, 2025 at 6:04 am Reply
RMMD Summer, he could have *said* he loves you. Heck, he could have *acted* like he wants to spend time with you in private ifyouknowwhatimean instead of constantly begging off to “grade papers”. (Note To Self – add to the list of red flags: If he can only express his love by writing a thinly-veiled version of you into a novel that triggers your trauma)
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
ValdVin
December 5th, 2025 at 6:11 am Reply
MW: “Protecting me”? I know nothing about birds, especially larger pet-adjacent types. Is that a thing, or is she thinking of a dog?
Ken
December 5th, 2025 at 6:43 am Reply
MW: Looks like Ian’s next explosion will be at dinner, when Toby sets that bowl of mixed greens and raw carrots in front of him instead of the steak he’s expecting.
Guillermo el chiclero
December 5th, 2025 at 7:08 am Reply
MW: The only protein Ian’s going to get in that meal is the birdshit in his salad. Just tell him it’s flax seeds, Toby.
Ukulele Ike
December 5th, 2025 at 7:23 am Reply
MW: Toby has been looking about fifteen years old since Ian got back. I suppose that’s his preference, but how does she DO that?
GT: Beth, if you get jealous of Gil, remember that your professional life consists of serving liquor to drunk horny guys in an all-male bar. I’m sure even you can plot a revenge move.
Left Nut
December 5th, 2025 at 9:20 am Reply
Pluggers are too cheap to justify buying a new mattress when so close to death.
Enormous Dump
December 5th, 2025 at 7:07 am Reply
I just took an enormous dump.
Special Scrotal Awards to the Best No. 69 and Beyond of the Week
69. PedanticPippin
November 30th, 2025 at 9:45 am Reply
Pluggers: What kind of madman puts a top crust on a pumpkin pie?
69. TheDiva
December 2nd, 2025 at 7:31 am Reply
GT: Look, Gil, I know that 90% of the Milford budget is your salary, but Jesus Christ have a bit of respect for school property!
MW: Toby, you should have known that it was a bad idea to spring a surprise on a temperamental, poorly socialized creature like that! And Sunny doesn’t seem to be taking the situation well either!
Special Scrotal Awards to the Best No. 69 and Beyond of the Week
69. Tom T.
December 3rd, 2025 at 9:44 am Reply
GA: Every day, they find a new way to show that they’re all morons.
9CL: Were even the early strips always just in service to a Catholic-schoolgirl fetish?
Special Scrotal Awards to the Best No. 69 and Beyond of the Week
69. Guillermo el chiclero
December 4th, 2025 at 6:48 am Reply
MW: Thank Christ for steam. We’ve been spared the sight of a naked Ian and won’t have to gouge out our eyes.
FC: Billy, those toys were outdated when your grandma was a kid.
Special Scrotal Awards to the Best No. 69 and Beyond of the Week
69. TheDiva
December 5th, 2025 at 7:21 am Reply
JP: “So, what you’re saying is don’t plan on you, unless you’re successful in hiding the Southern Comfort Egg Nog from him.”
MW: Toby is dumb enough to believe telling Sunny this will sort everything out. Sunny’s smart enough to play the long game, whispering suspicion in her ear like Iago (the Shakespeare one, not the parrot one) until she turns on Ian herself.
RMMD: It’s like “The Gift of the Magi,” if the main characters were terribly, terribly stupid.
Congrats to Violet for the COTW!
And a thanks to Baja for the mention!
Thanks Josh, Baja and Scratchy!