Metapost: Slightly late real quick COTW
Post Content
It’s the comment of the week! It’s here!
“Ever notice that Blondie’s chair (the one she’s always doing sudoku puzzles in while facing away from everyone and everything else in the room) is always absent when she’s not sitting in it? Does she always pick it up and take it away with her whenever she gets up? Clearly when she’s not exercising her mind with puzzles, she immediately goes into strength training mode.” –Rover Berkeley
And the very funny runners up!!!!!
“Does Blondie really just do one load of laundry every spring? Is Dagwood wearing horrible food splattered clothes all year, or does he have 365 different tuxedos to wear to the office every day?” –Schroduck
“Is Mud still eating breakfast, or is he just hanging around the motel’s cafe all day? If you were this eager to see a familiar face, Fergus, you could literally just go home and visit your mom.” –Victor Von
“Those towering, windowless walls can’t possibly be their real houses. For their insolence, Dagwood and Herb have been condemned to offer tribute to the Twin Obelisks. Dag pleaded with Blondie for mercy — whenever he stood beneath the Flesh Spire’s looming gaze, the nameless hunger grew greater within him, that void only comically oversized sandwiches could fill. For a time. But Blondie was implacable. ‘Should’ve done the laundry-robics,’ she said, coldly, as Dagwood wailed.” –Navigator
“My new favorite Slylock Fox character is the Cash-Only Shoe-Billed Stork. Fuck off, Max!” –nescio
“Can it really ever be a good day when you apparently live in a liminal hell dimension of featureless grey surfaces stretching off into the horizon?” –ectojazzmage
“They say if you sit under the bodhi tree long enough, you can escape the world of Sargesara.” –But What Do I Know?
“And once again, Beetle Bailey reaches into the Uniform Code of Military Justice as our titular E-1 violates Article 83 (malingering) and continues, against all odds, to violate Article 104a (fraudulent enlistment). Since the Court Martial can’t reduce an E-1 in rank, we can only hope for a long term of imprisonment, a fine, and/or death. And given that the strip started as a college strip, has worn out its welcome as an Army strip, maybe it’s time to switch over to a prison strip. Leavenworth, featuring Beetle Bailey, your time has come.” –Voshkod
“I got it! Sven! You look like you would have been a cool guy sometime around the 1990s, which is extremely current for the funny pages. You probably fuck, right?” –Dan
“Neither ‘Rolex’ nor ‘Rolodex’ is spelled with an ‘a,’ you monsters.” –matt w
“‘What happened with her and her surgery?’ Woah, that’s a HIPAA violation, buddy!” –Ettorre
“Skipping the muffins and going straight to the casserole. Mary ain’t playin’.” –TK
“Mae Mae’s expression makes it clear that Mud will be needing that hand for himself tonight. I hope he can get a good wank with those misshapen fingers.” –Scratchy Scrotum LXIX
“Dagwood’s words say proud! but his face says blah. Meanwhile just offstage, a director is frantically waving his arms, mouthing the words, ‘Sell it! Sell it!’” –Hibbleton
“‘Yes, she must love being an empty nester,’ Hi affirms. A pause. They breathe in the fresh air, relaxed smiles on their faces. ‘…Say, do you think Trixie’s still okay in the house while we’re out here?’ ‘Shhh.’ Hi pats Lois’ hand. ‘Remember the bird’s happy song. Let’s just stay out here a half hour more and … see what happens.’” –Chance
“Pluggers sing with their mouths wide open into the shower stream because they know it’s the only hydration they will get all day that isn’t coffee or alcohol. [Thanks to Tabby Lavalamp, Edmonton, Alberta]” –Tabby Lavalamp
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23 replies to “Metapost: Slightly late real quick COTW”
I never show up so early that Scratchy hasn’t already posted his Scrote Awards. Feels like something is terribly wrong.
Thus I congratulate (Rover) Berkeley! To be is to be perceived (on the float).
Congratulations to all, and special thanks to Ettorre for spelling HIPAA right.
Much like a Pluggers contributor, I am now forever doxxed.
@Victor Von: Never fear! Congratulations to you, to Rover for the COTW, to the floaters (thanks, Josh), and the upcoming shadowers . . . as well as the Scroters:
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Liam
March 22nd, 2026 at 4:33 am Reply
FC-And that’s when the acid kicked in.
Bob Tice
March 22nd, 2026 at 4:34 am Reply
RMMD:
This restaurant patron looks like Mr. Potato Head on acid.
CatD
March 22nd, 2026 at 4:55 am Reply
Sonny Bono got reincarnated into a diner patron? Plot twist!
seismic-2
March 22nd, 2026 at 5:10 am Reply
RMMD: “OK Hon, here’s the deal – if you don’t tell anyone that my cousin is Lorna Starr, then I won’t tell anyone that your grandfather was Captain Kangaroo!”
pugfuggly
March 22nd, 2026 at 5:47 am Reply
RMMD: “Oh shit, did I say that out loud, at full volume? Welp, time for another new identity in a new town. Call me ‘Sofia Sofia Valentina Gambino’. If I leave now I should be able to make it to Brooklyn by morning.”
lynn
March 22nd, 2026 at 6:30 am Reply
RMMD: Oh good, here’s an excuse I can use for gaining weight. No one will ever believe I was once a movie action star! It’s true! No one will ever believe that!
I speak Jive
March 22nd, 2026 at 7:35 am Reply
Rex Morgan – I call BS. Anyone visiting Glenwood is there for roots country and doesn’t know or care about hifalutin movies. That guy should be falling all over Fergus, asking for his autograph and taking selfies with him.
Midtown
March 22nd, 2026 at 7:57 am Reply
RMMD: How does the Mystery Customer even breathe with the fake mustache stuck up his nose like that?
Artist formerly known as Ben
March 22nd, 2026 at 3:16 pm Reply
RMMD: Yeah, no way Goo Goo Ga Joob over there would ever figure out you were a movie star unless you blurted it out in front of him. Oops.
Hibbleton
March 22nd, 2026 at 4:40 am Reply
Blondie: My wife and I went to look at a house for sale and after realizing it needs a paint job and what a huge deal that is we decided to skip it; but after seeing that it’s something you can do in a spur of the moment from a weekend to-do list, I feel maybe we acted in haste.
ValdVin
March 22nd, 2026 at 5:27 am Reply
Blondie: I seldom paint, but never balance it on the top of a stepladder like that. So…is that paint can destined to fall on Laurel or Hardy?
Rover Berkeley
March 22nd, 2026 at 8:03 am Reply
Ever notice that Blondie’s chair (the one she’s always doing sudoku puzzles in while facing away from everyone and everything else in the room) is always absent when she’s not sitting in it? Does she always pick it up and take it away with her whenever she gets up? Clearly when she’s not exercising her mind with puzzles, she immediately goes into strength training mode.
A late COTW, just as the groundhog predicted, right, Hiram Flagston?
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Ukranazi Stepan
March 22nd, 2026 at 5:03 am Reply
Wary Morth:
Maybe they’ll give Trixie a new T shirt to go with the razor they gave him since last time.
Terry Rhoden
March 22nd, 2026 at 5:10 am Reply
MW: “Maybe they’ll give me more privileges, like being allowed to use a bucket to go in.”
Ukulele Ike
March 22nd, 2026 at 7:52 am Reply
MW: “Just make the $200,000 check out to cash and mail it to ‘Trixie 477-C’, c/o Internet Scam Facility 78-A, Dungeon 6, Edison, New Jersey.”
CanuckDownSouth
March 22nd, 2026 at 5:39 am Reply
BB How old is the writer?? Because this is some sad half-century-plus obsolete everyone must get married because women don’t have the rights to live easily as independent adults and men aren’t supposed to learn a darn thing about how to cook and clean up, so just hope you don’t get paired *too* badly society’s joke
Artist formerly known as Ben
March 22nd, 2026 at 3:24 pm Reply
Dustin: Six is afraid of seven because seven ate nine, but no one in the Kudlick household can remember the whole joke.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Liam
March 23rd, 2026 at 6:10 am Reply
FC-This description could apply to something else.
GarrisonSkunk
March 23rd, 2026 at 6:22 am Reply
The Familliar Mucus: Thel offers Jeffy an ungrounded electric tooth / scrub brush with running water in the sink? Big Jeffy is trolling us again, isnt he?
Schroduck
March 23rd, 2026 at 5:23 am Reply
SF: Kolton’s Fred Flintstone bowling ball bag is something close to a religious relic. The Flintstones was one of the few human broadcasts to survive the Animalpocalypse, and the animals believe that its depictions of humans enslaving animals to work as cameras and back massagers and whatnot are real historical facts. Of course, turnabout is fair play, and below that bowling alley, a small army of the surviving humans are running balls back to the return, and re-setting the pins, and grumbling “Eh, it’s a livin’!”
nescio
March 23rd, 2026 at 4:42 am Reply
My new favorite Slylock Fox character is the Cash-Only Shoe-Billed Stork. Fuck off, Max!
A Grave Mind
March 23rd, 2026 at 4:35 am Reply
Really, Kolton, absentee dad, much? Your kid is totally gonna resent you years later for all the crappy dinners at Subway, you know. And a Cash Only snack bar? This bowling alley is LEANING into that 1987 vibe, no?
Twinkles the Elf
March 23rd, 2026 at 4:36 am Reply
Typical dude. Slept through high school sex ed or spent the whole time cracking lewd jokes, and now he has zero idea how reproduction works. Can pregnant women take baths without drowning the baby? Does food that Mommy eats land on the head of the child in the womb? Hello, I’m a kangaroo and I think my wife’s hiding a toddler in her pouch three seconds after it’s born! Don’t show any more of your ass, Kolton. Public ridicule won’t help your bowling game.
Downpuppy
March 23rd, 2026 at 4:46 am Reply
Another thing about the size of a grape is a shrew. If Slylock had any compassion, he’d stop Shady from being crushed by a bowling ball 200 times his size. But he’d rather spend his time watching Max reenact Pizza Rat.
Voshkod
March 23rd, 2026 at 6:17 am Reply
I recognize that education funding had to be cut to pay for Princess Pussycat’s new crown, but cutting sex ed in an environment where one might need to know the sexual mores, prowess, abilities, and cycle of hundreds of mammals and reptiles just to find a mate was unwise. Hell, even Pluggers fund interspecies sex ed!
Charterstoned
March 23rd, 2026 at 5:10 am Reply
MW: If those ripe bananas on his table are any indication, Harv probably realizes he doesn’t have much longer to live, anyway, and wouldn’t have time to spend that $200K, so what the heck?
Tabby Lavalamp
March 23rd, 2026 at 6:08 am Reply
The man is eating purple soup. It’s probably for the best that he gives his money to a scammer who can use it.
I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV
March 23rd, 2026 at 5:15 am Reply
Mary Worth: Lord Ascot seems to be eating a bowl of stewed prunes in preparation for sending 200 large to what he thinks is his stewed prune. (This joke only works if you’ve studied Shakespeare.)
White Rabbit
March 23rd, 2026 at 10:55 am Reply
MW: At first I read “PING” as a sound coming from his hairy, swollen knuckle as he extended his gnarled finger to tap the confirming button on his phone. But it’s just feedback that says his crypto account is down to 1/4 Blitzcoin.
Poteet
March 23rd, 2026 at 11:57 am Reply
MW: Years ago, an older relative, a very nice guy who knew a lot about many subjects but not Internet perils, fell for the grandchild-in-trouble scam. He went to his bank to send money. Fortunately, the teller recognized what was going on, interfered by asking some smart questions, enlightened my relative, and stopped the money transfer. Our family was very grateful to that teller, and so was the (horrified) relative.
Sooo, exactly what good is Mary The Professional Allegedly-Admirable Meddler doing in this story? This is one situation in which her meddling might potentially have been extremely helpful if she had at least tried to contact the daughter and let her know what’s going on. Instead, Mary is just cogitating and talking with Toby occasionally. Okay, fine, and it’s entertaining to see Ascot Gent lose such a huge amount of money. But when Mary is praised and admired at the end of this story, as is inevitable, it’s going to be even more nauseating than usual.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
V. Gina Lunt
March 24th, 2026 at 5:50 am Reply
“You’re a plugger if it takes you six months to finally adjust the clock in your vehicle for daylight saving time” would have been funnier.
TheDiva
March 24th, 2026 at 6:54 am Reply
Pluggers: Sorry, I refuse to believe Pluggers don’t just let the clock stay an hour off for half the year.
BigTed
March 24th, 2026 at 8:35 am Reply
Pluggers: This plugger finally has time to reset the clock in his car for daylight saving time — because he’s been fired after coming into work an hour late for two weeks straight.
ValdVin
March 24th, 2026 at 8:02 am Reply
Pluggers take three weeks to turn the car clock ahead—and that’s the easy one! Demographicians have found out why so many Pluggers migrate to Arizona.
Charterstone: Dune
March 24th, 2026 at 5:11 am Reply
Pluggers: As interpretations of this panel go, “Plugger’s procrastinate” doesn’t really land as a joke. “Pluggers sit in a car for three weeks, starving and accumulating filth as they twiddle with buttons, repeatedly overshooting the correct time and have to start over and over and over and over again” doesn’t really land either, but as the less charitable take I’m going with it.
RxMD: No actress in the history of Hollywood has ever gained weight! Lorna’s plan is foolproof!
2+2=7
March 24th, 2026 at 5:14 am Reply
REX MORGAN M.D.: Hey, remember when Mud lost weight, started using his real name, and even got a hair and wardrobe change and fooled all of zero people with his “new image”?
Lorna/Mae Mae’s plan is foolproof is what I’m saying. ?
Activist
March 24th, 2026 at 6:39 am Reply
RMMD: that’s right, Mae Mae, shout out your secret with identifying details so everyone can hear. Especially that National Enquirer writer you served. Maybe her real point is increasing breakfast business from two to five.
Guillermo el chiclero
March 24th, 2026 at 7:42 am Reply
RMMD: Louder, Mae Mae. The guy banging a hooker in room 117 can’t hear you.
The Quiet Man
March 24th, 2026 at 6:48 am Reply
RMMD: This guest artist is doing their best, but the faces are coming out like they were drawn on Silly Putty. One day they’re stretched out, the next they’re squished together.
Luann: Les learns from the best. The ‘tell your prospect anything they want to hear to get them to agree to a date’ method from Wilbur, and the ‘pretend to shit yourself to get out of a jam’ method from Mud.
Artist formerly known as Ben
March 24th, 2026 at 2:02 pm Reply
Luann: So the rock walls aren’t territory that Les wants to mark with his urine?
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Hibbleton
March 24th, 2026 at 5:41 am Reply
FC: Looks like PJ fell victim to the Solomon method of determining parenthood. I wonder who got the lower half?
I speak Jive
March 24th, 2026 at 7:31 am Reply
FC – Even better, Barfy licks the floors in the rest of the house when Thel gets sloshed and passes out before she can run the vacuum cleaner. Dogs are good!
I was told there would be no permanent record.
March 24th, 2026 at 5:57 am Reply
BB:
I don’t think I’ve ever liked the feeling of my foot falling asleep enough to wish it would spread to the rest of my body. Except for my penis of course. I wouldn’t mind if it tingled a little.
nescio
March 24th, 2026 at 6:20 am Reply
Run, Killer. Beetle’s going to start masturbating as soon as his right hand goes numb.
Victor Von
March 24th, 2026 at 6:01 am Reply
Genuinely funny work, Browne Creative Enterprises! Best Hagar the Horrible in ages! But…
I’d never noticed how much Sven looks like Bart Simpson’s bully, Jimbo Jones. Do you think this is an ancestral situation, or more of a “thanks to time travel, I am my own grandpa” thing?
matt w
March 24th, 2026 at 6:05 am Reply
The rightmost tower on that castle is a dick, though, right? The duke is boasting that his is bigger?
Dan
March 24th, 2026 at 6:16 am Reply
I got it! Sven! You look like you would have been a cool guy sometime around the 1990s, which is extremely current for the funny pages. You probably fuck, right?
Navigator
March 24th, 2026 at 8:48 am Reply
“I’ve got it! Sven, go tell the duchess you’ve been canoodling with the duke!” “That won’t work either, boss! Turns out that sexual mores in most periods of history were a lot more fluid than our Victorian understanding of those eras often allows for!” “Sven, what the hell are you talking about? Just go kill them both.”
2+2=7
March 24th, 2026 at 8:58 am Reply
HAGGAR THE HORRIBLE: Oh, so now they’re printing the porn parody version of the comic (Haggar the HORny-RIBLE. Tagline: “He and his boys want to penetrate more than your castle….”)
richardf8
March 24th, 2026 at 9:43 am Reply
HtH – Sven’s original line, “he likes to watch,” didn’t make it past the censors.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Lauralot
March 24th, 2026 at 5:21 am Reply
MW: Even in the family photos from decades ago, he’s still wearing a day cravat. Forget the scam, this should be the focus of the intervention.
cheech wizard
March 24th, 2026 at 10:55 am Reply
MW – Think man! You’re sending $200k to a woman you’ve never met for spinal fusion surgery! What kind of sex partner is that going to produce? Cripes, you might as well bonk Mary herself!
Horace Broon
March 24th, 2026 at 10:40 am Reply
Crank: Heeding criticism that people don’t like the Battom Thomas strips because they frequently fail to contain anything even shaped like a joke, nor are they particularly interesting or insightful, Batty rushes to remind us that regular Crankshaft strips can be like that as well.
Anonymous
March 25th, 2026 at 4:56 am Reply
Zits used the word “Buttmunch” because the comic is coming to an end and they are presumably going to put in all the things the editors wouldn’t allow before. I can’t wait to see the last week of this comic about teenagers where they have a drug fueled sex party.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women
March 25th, 2026 at 5:48 am Reply
To Mary Worth, “homemade casserole” is a euphemism like “Cleveland steamer” or “rusty trombone.” If you fail to keep The Meddler updated, she’ll wish you the worst!
TK
March 25th, 2026 at 6:01 am Reply
Skipping the muffins and going straight to the casserole. Mary ain’t playin’.
Gil Bates
March 25th, 2026 at 5:51 am Reply
MW: “or maybe he would enjoy a nice hot dish of baked catfish?”
Hibbleton
March 25th, 2026 at 4:41 am Reply
MW: Mary faces an ethical problem: Is it okay to smile when saying “I told you so.”
Lauralot
March 25th, 2026 at 4:51 am Reply
MW: Wait, so these scammers have found someone gullible enough to send them $200,000, no questions asked, and they aren’t going to keep dipping from that well until it runs dry? Or did Trixie escape?
Charterstone: Dune
March 25th, 2026 at 5:10 am Reply
MW: Oh man, you know Harv is getting desperate because he’s on an actual computer now. “Maybe she emailed my laptop instead of my phone!” he thinks, not understanding how any of this works.
Maltmash3r
March 25th, 2026 at 5:41 am Reply
Hmmm, wonder why she never does wellness checks on Wilbur? I guess there are things even Mary Worth is afraid of.
Tabby Lavalamp
March 25th, 2026 at 5:20 am Reply
Mary Worth will earn my eternal admiration if tomorrow the scammer talking about how much money they got from the mark and the next panel pulls back to show the conversation is with an unkempt and chained up Wilbur Weston.
Liam
March 25th, 2026 at 8:08 am Reply
MW-Meanwhile Wilbur hasn’t been seen in months and the usual odor from his apartment is getting stronger and fouler.
Schroduck
March 25th, 2026 at 5:25 am Reply
Imagine going back in time to whenever Crankshaft was young and explaining that in the future, more people would own Rolexes than Roladexes. What a utopian and wildly off-base vision of the future they’d get!
matt w
March 25th, 2026 at 4:30 am Reply
Neither “Rolex” nor “Rolodex” is spelled with an “a,” you monsters.
Weaselboy
March 25th, 2026 at 6:06 am Reply
CS – I think it’s nice that Keesterman breaks bread with the guy who destroys his mailbox on a regular basis. I guess he takes pity on him since he can neither drive nor speak correctly.
Victor Von
March 25th, 2026 at 6:04 am Reply
Hi and Lois has been exploring exciting new emotional territory for a while now. Today’s strip may be the greatest example of the strip’s current era. Instead of giving us a joke, the characters are reacting to something we can’t see– Mister Snuffleupagus throwing the first pitch in a game? Why not?– and letting us pretend there’s a joke! It’s a completely unexploited innovation in humor. I wonder why.
The Mighty Finn
March 25th, 2026 at 7:28 am Reply
I like that today’s H&L implies that somehow, in The Year of Our Lord 2026, Hiram Flagston is unaware that the ceremonial first pitch is almost always done by a celebrity who can’t really throw a baseball. Like this is brand new information to him.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Glarryg
March 26th, 2026 at 4:45 am Reply
Alexander is such a nothing character. The only way Dagwood can tell him apart from his own reflection is by the absence of food stains on his clothing.
Voshkod
March 26th, 2026 at 6:18 am Reply
“I did my historical bio paper on Trofim Lysenko, the disgraced creator of Lysenkoism who may have been responsible for the deaths of millions! Everyone else did Louis Pasteur or Alexander Fleming or Jonas Salk, like nerds. Next semester I’m going to do RFK Jr.!”
BigTed
March 26th, 2026 at 4:48 am Reply
Blondie: Kids today and their grade inflation! The “A” was for spelling his name right. The first “plus” was for not being obvious about his use of AI; the second was for keeping his essay down to a tight two paragraphs; and the third was for naming his made-up sleep-related historical figure after the Spanish word for “dream.” (Meanwhile, the “honors” were for only falling asleep in class three times this week.)
Rex Morgan: I like the way our friend is nervously pulling at his collar as he realizes he’s insulted her and is struggling to back out of it. All he needs is a few beads of flop sweat, and he’d be doing a full Rodney Dangerfield.
Mary Worth: “He’s a lonely senior who needs to spend money in an attempt to get love! Unlike me, of course. I pay for affection with baked goods, casseroles, and the kind of sex that’s so unspeakable, this strip will never, ever, ever mention it.”
Charterstoned
March 26th, 2026 at 4:53 am Reply
MW: Mary inhales the steaming aroma from Muffin’s freshly baked litter box, while a similar container filled with an uncooked casserole rests on the floor in a corner of the bathroom.
Ukulele Ike
March 26th, 2026 at 6:34 am Reply
MW: The colorist followed instructions to the letter, for a change. The casserole is made out of Mary’s old oven mitts.
I speak Jive
March 26th, 2026 at 6:49 am Reply
Mary Worth – Quick! Someone step on those butterflies! We’ll all turn into dinosaurs, but it’s worth it if this story disappears.
Lauralot
March 26th, 2026 at 5:04 am Reply
MW: Even in her own internal monologue, Mary is narrating and justifying her meddling. It’s such a core part of her character that she can’t even think normally. I’d call it tragic, but the real tragedy is the neighbors having to put up with it.
RMMD: “I know you’ve repeatedly stated that you don’t want to be recognized and your weight aids in that goal, but if you want, I can get you skinny!” And that’s why they call him Fergus “Dumb As a Mountain of Mud” Murphy.
Pozzo
March 26th, 2026 at 5:12 am Reply
“If you ever want to, that is. No pressure — I like my women chunky…er, um…you know, with a little meat on ’em. Er, some weather we’ve been having some weather lately, haven’t we?” (Gulp)
I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV
March 26th, 2026 at 5:29 am Reply
Rex Morgan, M.D.: Awhile back, someone did a data analysis revealing that country music had the most drug references of any popular music genre, even more than gangsta rap. I had no idea that would include Ozempic. Or roots country. Or Rex Morgan, M.D.
Old School Allie Cat
March 26th, 2026 at 6:02 am Reply
Rex Morgan – What a charmer! Next, he’ll tell her she sweats less than any fat girl he ever danced with.
Hibbleton
March 26th, 2026 at 6:09 am Reply
RMMD: Fergus desperately tries to change the subject.
“I once killed a man, uh…”
Buck Ripsnort
March 26th, 2026 at 6:52 am Reply
RM, MF: those expressions in panels 2-3 show everyone’s REAL thoughts. Panel two Mae Mae May-I is clearly aware that behind his “friendly advice” Musmd-Manners just called her a tub; Mudhole’s expression in panel 3 indicates that whatever else therapy did for him, he’s now at least self-aware enough to recognize his faux pas.
Anonymous
March 26th, 2026 at 7:52 am Reply
RMMD- Mud: “Tickle your ass with a feather?” Mae Mae:”WHAT!?” Mud:”Um,err,ahem, Particularly nice weather!”
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Banana Jr. 6000
March 26th, 2026 at 5:05 am Reply
Pluggers are in denial about both their age and their ugliness. Usually the strip focuses on one flaw per day, but this a rare Double Pluggers.
Luann: This is just plain cruelty. You don’t overrule someone’s difficulty choice in a dangerous activity, because of some offhand comment they made a week ago. You also don’t overrule someone’s ability to the use the bathroom whenever they choose to, but here we are. Les is getting what he deserves for trying to get a date, which he should know is absolutely forbidden in the world of Luann. And is punishable by any form of humiliation the offended party deems appropriate. Which looks like it’s about to be three broken ribs.
TheDiva
March 26th, 2026 at 6:45 am Reply
Luann: I suppose if Les had just admitted from the first that he’d never gone rock climbing before but expressed an interest in it, and Tara encouraged that interest and took him to the gym to try it out, it wouldn’t be funny. But this isn’t funny either, so…
I speak Jive
March 27th, 2026 at 6:37 am Reply
Pluggers – The editor must have vetoed “The girl with colitis goes by.”
Baja Gaijin
March 27th, 2026 at 4:41 am Reply
Pluggers: Another “pluggers are massively inconsiderate” entry. Who wants to hear them sing off key and the wrong lyrics? It’s worse than having a conversation with Dolly Keane.
Bob Tice
March 27th, 2026 at 4:37 am Reply
Pluggers:
Pluggers sing in the shower so that their spouse will know that Janet Leigh’s fate has not befallen them.
Hibbleton
March 27th, 2026 at 4:39 am Reply
Pluggers swear their bathroom shower cameras are only to check if their spouses are OK.
GarrisonSkunk
March 27th, 2026 at 5:46 am Reply
Does a Plugger Bear urinate in the shower?
A Grave Mind
March 27th, 2026 at 4:45 am Reply
Bad enough that line from the song is a cliche misquote, but now it’s in Pluggers. Zombie Jimi Hendrix is coming for us all, and I don’t blame him a bit.
Ozzy
March 27th, 2026 at 6:15 am Reply
Interestingly enough, a famous rock star thought, at one time, those were the actual lyrics to the classic Jimi Hendrix song.
pugfuggly
March 27th, 2026 at 4:46 am Reply
Pluggers Is thst OK physically or emotionally? Are Pluggers so unable to discuss their feelings that they have to drop little clues in their choice of shower songs?
Weaselboy
March 27th, 2026 at 6:00 am Reply
Pluggers – Before reading the caption, I thought today’s entry was going to be about how pluggers mis-hear song lyrics. As a card carrying plugger, here’s mine from Louis Armstrong’s “What a Wonderful World”:
Real lyrics: The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night
Mis-heard: The bright blessed day, the dogs say goodnight
Dmsilev
March 27th, 2026 at 6:04 am Reply
Pluggers are also, canonically, furry.
This is bad, folks.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
CanuckDownSouth
March 27th, 2026 at 4:44 am Reply
MW You know, Mary, internet romance scams existed before AI, you don’t have to act so smug as if you’ve discovered some new trap to warn everyone about. Stringy-Hair Slave would probably be insulted by comparing his skilled craft to some AI slop!
Charterstoned
March 27th, 2026 at 5:14 am Reply
MW: If Harv eats that whole casserole by himself, he won’t have to worry about his angina being unstable any longer. It should definitely settle down. As in flatline.
Lauralot
March 27th, 2026 at 5:19 am Reply
MW: Now we’re getting recaps in the middle of the story line. Why? It can’t be to bring new readers up to speed; Mary Worth has no new readers.
TheDiva
March 27th, 2026 at 6:50 am Reply
GT: The
lastonly time golf got interesting in this strip, Emily started an affair with her lesbian golf coach which ultimately led to the Thorps getting divorced. Maybe Beth is about to discover some things about herself and end up ditching Gil at the altar.GarrisonSkunk
March 27th, 2026 at 5:15 am Reply
Gil Twerp: “But this year’s golf program is going to get very interesting!” “……But stupid!”- Artie Johnson R.I.P.
The Familliar Mucus: The race between Thel’s Wizard™ air freshener and Dolly’s underarm stink goes on and on and on……
Hibbleton
March 27th, 2026 at 6:05 am Reply
FC: Thel wonders if the bug spray she constantly sprays is the source of Dolly’s delayed development.
ValdVin
March 27th, 2026 at 6:07 am Reply
I enjoy opening up the FC time capsule every so often. How many of today’s kids grew up without something which was neither a disinfectant nor woo-woo aromatherapy just sprayed into the air because we needed something sickly sweet in the house, while making sure the goddamn ozone layer didn’t get too big for its britches?
Special Scrotal Awards to the Best No. 69 and Beyond of the Week
69. Baja Gaijin
March 21st, 2026 at 9:19 am Reply
Mary Worth: Harv’s angina isn’t stable? He should try some Lydia Pinkham’s. Oh, wait, ANgina, not VAgina. Sorry.
69. Doghouse Reilly (Minneapolis)
March 22nd, 2026 at 8:49 am Reply
RMMD: Slap my head and call me silly! It’s Aldo Kelrast, come from the dead! He is here to tell us all, he will tell us all! He must have learned that trick from Phil Holt.
69. ectojazzmage
March 23rd, 2026 at 7:24 am Reply
Mary Worth: I don’t think there’s SUPPOSED to be a parallel between H@rvey getting catfished and Mary and Dr. Jeff’s relationship, but you can’t deny it’s there.
Special Scrotal Awards to the Best No. 69 and Beyond of the Week
69. White Rabbit
March 24th, 2026 at 8:52 am Reply
Pluggers’ vehicles come from a time when the clock itself was a dealer-added option.
69. Ukulele Ike
March 25th, 2026 at 7:15 am Reply
BF: On the up side, the fog in her aging brain means Blonde Friend doesn’t remember that, after a life of hard toil and sacrifice, she still can’t afford to retire to a nice lakeside property with “mature trees.” She’ll endure her suburban hellscape for another ten years or so, then die.
Phantom: ”Thank you, sir!….what’s a ‘cowboy?’”
Special Scrotal Awards to the Best No. 69 and Beyond of the Week
169. TomD
March 25th, 2026 at 3:20 pm Reply
Mary Worth is likely doing more to protect senior’s retirement funds than Meta or other companies ever have.
Seriously, someone is going to be reading these strips and avoid wiring 200k to Thailand.
69. MP
March 26th, 2026 at 7:45 am Reply
If Blondie is going to make a joke that relies on the reader’s understanding of Spanish, they should probably learn how to use ñ correctly.
But What Do I Know?
March 27th, 2026 at 6:39 am Reply
GT – “Milford High School is the best place to send your kid to find their passion in sports.”
Because with only one coach to oversee “various” programs your progeny are going to need a lot of passion to train themselves!
Congratulations to Rover Berkeley and the others on the float. Also to the scratchies, with thanks to Scratchy Scrotum LXIX for the mentions. Tips of the beret to nescio, SSLXIX, Chance, and Tabby Lavalamp.
Scratchy, it was a real surprise to find that my rant was honored! Thank you for including it amid all the impressive funny stuff!
Congratulations to Rover Berkeley and all the other very amusing winners and runners-up! You know you rock!
Congrats to Rover Berkeley and the Floater and fellow Scroters. Funny stuff! Thanks for those Scrotes, Scratchy!
Thanks, Scratchy.