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Yeah that’s right, it’s my birthday today, I’m [mumblety mumble] years old, and I’ve received this greatest gift of all: A comment of the week:

“I love that Uncle Herman’s gravestone just says ‘HERM,’ entirely misunderstanding the purpose of memorials. Meanwhile, on the floor of a bowling alley, next to a gutter where no one can see it, there’s a lovingly crafted plaque dedicated to ‘Herman Nightjar Fishhawk, bowler, drinker, friend. He always bought the next round, and he loved conspiracy theories so much he married one.’ I have to infer a few things about Herm’s life, but that sounds about right.” –Victor Von

The runners up are also hilarious and each is a precious present to me!

“‘Maybe Mary can offer some advice’???? Maybe? Mary? Advice? Maybe the sun will rise in the East! Maybe gravity will keep us from being flung off into space!” –Trespassers W, on Patreon

“Tommy in his sober rage bursts into the Weston apartment. Points at Wilbur and Dawn and yells, ‘One of you owes me a hundred dollars!’” –Hibbleton

“Don’t stay in school! College is expensive and the college premium is declining. In addition, if more doctors were trained, the end of the artificial scarcity would end the astronomical profits of healthcare in the USA. This is why Rex Morgan, M.D. is promoting non-college paths to employment, like being a mechanic for vintage cars or artisanal fraud!” –Ettorre

“Apparently men in the Hagarverse have chest hair but no navels or nipples. I don’t want to think about what that means theologically or biologically.” –matt w

“If your familiar with ancient Greek Herm statues, you know why the lower portion of the grave isn’t shown in today’s Shoe.” –nescio

“Nice art in Shoe today. That is EXACTLY the expression a boss would have when their employee drags them to visit the grave of their not-even-beloved uncle.” –Nevin, on Patreon

“‘You’re too late,’ Rusty said in a low growl. ‘Procyon rises, and so do my friends. The stars are right, and I have made the proper sacrifices and propitiations. Unlike you, I have studied the forbidden merit badges: Summoning and Control, Animal Friendship, and Citizenship in the Occult World. There will be no more Eagle Scouts, and I rise as the first Raccoon Scout! Destroy them, my friends!’” –Voshkod

“Just want to point out that ‘The Python is free … and in our debt … and in our service…’ is both the best and worst thing you could say at a urinal.” –Joe Blevins

“Insane to think about Greg Walker passively absorbing the trope of aliens saying ‘take me to your leader’ throughout his life, and just assuming, without ever really interrogating it, they mean for cloning, so they can have a leader too. Then putting it in the newspaper like literally anyone else was thinking the same thing! We all know that scene where aliens ask to clone your leader right? No! What are you talking about?!” –Dan

“In the first panel, the dog is sexually propositioning the woman. In the second, he’s sexually propositioning the bird.” –TheDiva

“Rene dismisses the Devilment Twins as idiots, but tell me again why he’s in prison? Attempted battery in front of lots of witnesses, followed by his ignominious rescue by his would be victim?” –Rita Lake

“Based on the giant suits, are we sure ‘Dun Dun da Dun’ is ‘The Wedding March’ and not the beginning of the opening riff from the live version of ‘Psycho Killer?’” –Where’s Rocky?

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