Metapost: C ……. OTW!!!!
Post Content
Comment of the week? COMMENT OF THE WEEK, BABY!
“Is this the first time we’ve seen the Daddy Daze daddy without glasses? There goes my theory that he was the victim of some diabolical experiment involving psychosis-inducing glasses.” –Pozzo
Hilarious runners up? HECK YEAH
“The world’s largest corporations are spending trillions of dollars so the Montoni’s robot can drop the awful puns that are the staple of Westview discourse and make Crankshaft redundant and completely unnecessary to the point where he can vanish from his eponymous strip. Worth it!” –But What Do I Know?
“Pro tip: don’t drink milk out of jugs that are a solid nonwhite color.” –Morgan Wick
“Looks like Greg’s mutant powers are changing the weather to match his mood again. Little-known fact: Hurricane Sandy was the result of a particularly bad loss Greg suffered betting at the horse track.” –Abram Beazer
“Okay, I’m not saying turning this strip into Pepper the Pizza Robot (featuring Crankshaft) is a good idea, as such. I’m just saying it’s better than Harry Dinkle, World’s Greatest Band Director (featuring Crankshaft) which is where we seemed to be heading last month.” –Horace Broon
“I guess Pluggers was never meant to be seen at this resolution — it’s meant to be seen roughly the size of a postage stamp, printed in the cheapest inks on the greyest paper America’s struggling newspapers can afford — but those wonky pupils don’t look excited, they look manic with fear and rage. This is a man who is either suffering a breakdown, or is being depicted at the very moment he experiences his last colonoscopy.” –Schroduck
“I know that because they wouldn’t shut up about it while they were doing it. Just kept talking out loud as if they were narrating their own lives in the world’s most pointless documentary. God I am looking forward to the silence…” –pugfuggly
“What’s alarming is that by ‘apartment newsletter,’ she means a newsletter for their apartment — her husband is the only reader! It includes articles like ‘Study Finds Picking Up Socks Associated With 20% Increase in Happiness,’ ‘Local Man Needs to Buy More Toilet Paper,’ and ‘Gray Sofa Has Got to Go.’ Plus there’s a weekly dinner schedule (which only covers six meals, plus a recipe for Newsletter Night: ‘1 can chili + 1/2 bag frozen vegetables + microwave.’ Remarkably, she also writes and draws three surprisingly funny comic strips.” –BigTed
“If you’re a plugger, raising your arms in triumph and yelling ‘WOO HOO!’ would probably kill you, right there and then. I mean, you’d die with a smile on your face, but they’d also have to saw your arms off to fit you inside a coffin.” –Joe Blevins
“I look forward to the rest of this week’s Rex Morgan strips, in which Head-Lump tries out different ways of explaining the concept and process of moving to the twin’s increasingly addled grandfather. ‘Loaded some boxes and suitcases in their car and split.’ ‘Packed up their stuff and left.’ ‘Okay. First, they removed all their belongings from the premises. Are you with me so far? Good. And then they vacated said premises. Still with me? No? Hmm. Here, let me get out my finger puppets…’” –Doctor Moreau (Not a Doctor)
“First we have Nelly, who hates Mary and everything she stands for, and now we have Alma, who responds to the tepid ‘drama’ of the strip with dismissive ‘so what?’ I think we may have the most relatable Mary Worth arc in history here.” –TheDiva
“Actually, Helpful Apartment Resident’s head lump makes perfect artistic sense when you consider the tableau formed by the last two panels in today’s strip. Clearly these characters are being set in stark contrast to each other: Ollman is white, Lumpy is black; Ollman is old, McLump is young; Ollman wears black over powder blue, the Lumpster wears powder blue over black. So of course, since Ollman doesn’t have a weird head lump, there’s only one option that makes narrative sense.” –Vulpes
“And what about the reports of Marty Moon infiltrating your honeymoon suite and giving a play by play account?” –Liam
“We live in a cancel culture.’ Horsefeathers! You live in a legacy strip, the very definition of something that should be cancelled but isn’t!” –Ettorre
“What’s he doing with Mary? No, seriously. What’s anyone doing with Mary? In fact, in that light, avoiding witnesses sounds perfectly reasonable.” –Hibbleton
“Alma: Shots fired. ‘But his wife is hot! What could he possibly want with that hag?’ is such a funny take on this. ‘Mary’s far more age-appropriate, but laughing? In a car? You should only car-laugh with your wife, who is [checks notes] pretty! I mean, that’s the only thing I know about her, honestly, we’ve never spoken, I think her name might be Tommy, but — she’s beautiful! And young! Mary’s not even funny! Have you heard her tight five at the Charterstone monthly residents’ breakfast? So many jokes about muffins. Anyway, Nelly, gotta dash, I’ve got like five past-due bills here and I’ve gotta make myself scarce before The Man comes a’callin’. Toodles!’” –els
“The girls are giving Ian WAY more player cred than he deserves. I’d have gone with ‘Ian got out of the car and looked around like he didn’t know where he was.’” –MKay
“The most disturbing part of The Lockhorns is how much they have to fuck up the proportions of their entire world, just so that Leroy and Loretta can interact with it.” –Rosstifer
“So the purchase and unpackaging, to say nothing of possibly baking, of the cookies in the Flagston house is kept secret from Ditto? What other elaborate ruses are perpetuated? Can the sugar be salt? Liquid soaps interchangeable with lotions?? The Scott is now Charmin??? Oh, Flagstons, you purveyors of delightful madness!” –A Grave Mind
“[3 min earlier] No. Look. You see the sign ‘Adult Non-milestone Birthday Gift Suggestions?’ Just past that.” –Kevin on Earth
“He ate all those cookies? Ooh, somebody stop him! [long silence] You know, like, ‘Ooh, somebody stop me!’ From The Mask? Another hit movie from 1994? [more silence] Look, I did a lot of research for this joke, so I’m not going to not type it out.” –Mr. A
“They sat down in the middle of the lobby to fully dissect the salacious gossip of … two people sitting in a car and one of them looking around as he got out? Does no one in this complex have a job? Or hobbies? Or self-respect?” –Lauralot
“Right, anyone know a good black light black velvet poster maker who can pull this off? Something like this deserves a place of honor on my dorm room wall forty years ago!” –Buck Ripsnort
Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! You can get each day’s post ad-free via Patreon if that’s your style! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar! Thanks to all for your support and readership!


22 replies to “Metapost: C ……. OTW!!!!”
Very nice. Gonna need to up my wisecracking game.
Shadow COTW Contenders, Part 1
Hibbleton
September 5th, 2026 at 4:34 am Reply
Mary Worth: Mary lifts Ian’s wallet during the hug. Later when alone:
“Okay, let’s see what’s really going on, Mr Cameron. —if that’s really your name. …Ha!”
(to be continued…)
pugfuggly
September 5th, 2026 at 4:52 am Reply
Rex Morgan: Did you ever wonder what “Waiting for Godot” might feel like as a serialized comic? Probably better than this.
nescio
September 5th, 2026 at 5:24 am Reply
Mary Worth: I don’t know about Mary’s left hand, but her right hand is patting Ian’s back, trying to get a burp out.
MKay
September 5th, 2026 at 5:47 am Reply
Mary Worth: OK, I have to go with Lemon-Puss Nelly on this one – that’s just FREAKY.
Kevyn on Video
September 5th, 2026 at 7:21 am Reply
Mary Worth: Ian is making such an exaggerated display of uncharacteristic affection toward another human being that I’m beginning to think that this is being intentionally staged for this resident snoop’s benefit. Great way to establish a fake alibi, as I recall from the plots of about ¼ of the old 1970’s NBC Mystery Movies. What I’m saying is somebody might want to check in on Toby. Or not. Whatever.
Tabby Lavalamp
September 5th, 2026 at 7:35 am Reply
Beetle Bailey: Sigh. I liked the pun in Beetle Bailey. I haven’t looked outside yet this morning, but I’m sure the sky is the colour of blood and toads or something are raining down on it. It’s been a hoot, world, and if any of us survive, I’ll see you on the other side of the apocalypse. Let’s try to make it all Mad Max-y, that could be fun.
BigTed
September 5th, 2026 at 8:50 am Reply
Dustin: Mr. Peabody’s friend Sherman has time-traveled all the way from the 1960s to learn about modern technology like hand-held telephones with cameras on both sides — but he’s clearly interviewing the wrong people. Dude, don’t just talk to the first guy you encounter standing around the sidewalk pretending to rake leaves. There are idiots in every time period!
Anonymoose
September 5th, 2026 at 8:59 am Reply
Mary Worth: Has anyone ever shown this much happiness in Mary’s presence ever? Yeah, Ian is definitely drunk.
Ukulele Ike
September 5th, 2026 at 1:14 pm Reply
Mary Worth: Ian dropped a salmon square in his crotch; Mary is simply attempting to retrieve it.
GarrisonSkunk
September 5th, 2026 at 2:25 pm Reply
Dustbin: “Mr. K I have so many questions! Why do you rake leaves without pants on? And why don’t you have a Buttcrack?” “Oh,I lost it in Vietnam.” “Then where do you keep your stick?” “Isnt it about time you go and play with that kid who bothers Bumstead?”
Guillermo el chiclero
September 5th, 2026 at 2:32 pm Reply
Pluggers: Did Earl Houndstooth just go on a crash diet or is he undergoing chemo? He looks awfully svelte for a plugger.
A Grave Mind
September 5th, 2026 at 3:23 pm Reply
Mary Worth: Has Mary ever actually looked this happy? And has Ian ever looked this much like Dr. Zaius? We’ve got a lot to unpack here, people!
MKay
September 6th, 2026 at 6:06 am Reply
Mary Worth: Now, Moy is no Charles Dickens, far from it, but I do admit to enjoying her insinuative character names. There is, of course, the immortal “Belle Battsfrey,” and now, “Nelly Fennelley,” which it’s really impossible to say without prissily pressing one’s lips together.
Ettorre
September 6th, 2026 at 6:09 am Reply
Crankshaft: A robot waiter seems a huge investment for a small pizzeria. And for what? The job could be done by a local from Westview, with the added human touch and emotions… oh, I see!
Doc Wonmug
September 6th, 2026 at 7:31 am Reply
Curtis: Ray Billingsley may do generational discourse well in “Curtis”, in a way that doesn’t age poorly and rapidly (like “Dustion”, ugh). But I can’t get past Curtis’ bizarrely non-Euclidean ball cap. It looks like a kippah with two red onion slices, one behind each ear. Or maybe only one slice, which passes from ear-to-ear via a quantum tunnel through Curtis’ head. I personally find it very distracting, like a Necker Cube that buckles in and out without any reason.
BigTed
September 6th, 2026 at 8:11 am Reply
Mark Trail: “Let’s all go into these dangerous limestone caves that are incredibly unstable and could flood at any time!” says Mark to his audience of mostly children. I’m don’t want to say Mark’s a monster, but, c’mon, somebody has to.
BigTed
September 6th, 2026 at 8:11 am Reply
Mary Worth: Nelly is such a poor gossip-monger, she doesn’t even realize which Charterstone resident is having an affair. If she kept watching Mary a little bit longer, she’d realize that was staying in her car to text Toby: “Okay, I kept the doofus busy for an hour — now he’s coming back, so get rid of your ‘friend.’ I’ll meet you at the Bum Boat for payment, and it had better be lobster!”
Shadow COTW Contenders, Part 2
Abram Beazer
September 6th, 2026 at 8:25 am Reply
Curtis: Looks like Greg’s mutant powers are changing the weather to match his mood again. Little-known fact: Hurricane Sandy was the result of a particularly bad loss Greg suffered betting at the horse track.
Nekrotzar
September 6th, 2026 at 9:21 am Reply
Curtis: All week, the governor of Minnesota has been posting on Bluesky about incredible-sounding foods available at this year’s State Fair, including the Apple Donut Ham Grinder and the Hmong Corn Dog.
But do they have the Bobo-Combo-Bobo with Bobo-Fries? I think not. Sorry, midwestern state fairs, you lose!
GarrisonSkunk
September 6th, 2026 at 1:00 pm Reply
Sex Organ V. D.: “You bet we will, sis!” “Wait! We’re sisters?!? I thought you were just my reflection come to life like in that TWILIGHT ZONE episode!”
Josh
September 7th, 2026
Rex Morgan: “They kept saying stuff like, ‘What’s that lump on your head,’ and ‘Is it supposed to be hair? Because it doesn’t look like hair’ and ‘We’re moving out because the lump on your head has bad vibes.’ Good riddance, I say, and that’s coming from both me and my head-lump.”
Hibbleton
September 7th, 2026 at 4:43 am Reply
Rex Morgan: I thought doing twins would be a dream come true but now I got this lump on my head. Good riddance they’re gone, I say.
Bob Tice
September 7th, 2026 at 5:00 am Reply
Mary Worth: “And you’ll never guess what I saw them doing!”
“What is that, Nelly?”
“The same thing as that Worth virago does with that physician ‘boyfriend’ of hers with a skunk stripe in his hair — not a damned thing!”
nescio
September 7th, 2026 at 5:00 am Reply
A Plugger when his doctor decides, “You know what, you really should die of colon cancer.”
pugfuggly
September 7th, 2026 at 5:33 am Reply
Pluggers: I really like how DogMan is shown from the waist up, as if he got into the exam room and immediately dropped his trousers before the doctor said “You know what, put that thing away, we’re done with that…”
pugfuggly
September 7th, 2026 at 5:33 am Reply
Rex Morgan: “…I know that because they wouldn’t shut up about it while they were doing it. Just kept talking out loud as if they were narrating their own lives in the world’s most pointless documentary. God I am looking forward to the silence…”
Little Blue Bicycle
September 7th, 2026 at 6:36 am Reply
Mary Worth: Alma’s last name is:
A. Mater
B. Children
C. Loving
D. Exes live in Texas
ValdVin
September 7th, 2026 at 7:04 am Reply
Mary Worth: Alma: “That little meddlesome trollop! Ian is my side piece!”
Ukranazi Stepan
September 7th, 2026 at 7:37 am Reply
Wrecks Moregone: “They *split*?!? You mean there are *four* of them now?!?”
Liam
September 7th, 2026 at 8:06 am Reply
Pluggers: The only time something will be going into a Plugger’s ass now it will be for sexual purpose.
BigTed
September 7th, 2026 at 8:32 am Reply
Marvin: What’s alarming is that by “apartment newsletter,” she means a newsletter for their apartment — her husband is the only reader! It includes articles like “Study Finds Picking Up Socks Associated With 20% Increase in Happiness,” “Local Man Needs to Buy More Toilet Paper” and “Gray Sofa Has Got to Go.” Plus there’s a weekly dinner schedule (which only covers six meals, plus a recipe for Newsletter Night: “1 can chili + 1/2 bag frozen vegetables + microwave.” Remarkably, she also writes and draws three surprisingly funny comic strips.
ectojazzmage
September 7th, 2026 at 8:45 am Reply
Pluggers: Everytime I try to think of a parody of how Pluggers will brag about the most stupid and pathetic things possible, the actual Pluggers strip outdoes my jokes.
Abram Beazer
September 7th, 2026 at 8:56 am Reply
Rex Morgan: I’m glad to see the Phrygian cap is making a comeback, if only as a trendy new hairstyle.
cheech wizard
September 7th, 2026 at 9:48 am Reply
Mary Worth: “And you’ll never guess what I saw them doing! He was eating her tuna casserole! Can you imagine?”
Lauralot
September 8th, 2026 at 4:31 am Reply
Mary Worth: Is Nelly Fenely the worst possible timeline version of Lorraine McFly? “When I was your age I never chased a boy or called a boy or sat in a parked car with a boy.”
Lauralot
September 8th, 2026 at 4:37 am Reply
Rex Morgan: Given how much Rex Morgan characters love making random, unprompted hand gestures, I wouldn’t be surprised if this man styles his hair by karate chopping it. That would explain a lot about the shape.
Terry Rhoden
September 8th, 2026 at 4:41 am Reply
Crankshaft: “The pizza business sure has changed, in my day we had to make implied threats to customers using our own handheld lasers.”
Ukranazi Stepan
September 8th, 2026 at 4:43 am Reply
Wary Morth: Alma reminds me of the anonymous Lockhorns characters who appear once, listen to Leroy or Loretta’s profundity, and vanish, never to be seen again. She’s probably cursing herself for passing up that Lockhorn’s gig now.
Little Guy
September 8th, 2026 at 4:44 am Reply
Gasoline Alley: “Experiments are a waste of time and energy!” “Experiments expand the boundaries of imagination!” I prefer the “Less Filling/Tastes Great” Debate.
CanuckDownSouth
September 8th, 2026 at 4:51 am Reply
Rex Morgan: New Guy is showing us just what it takes to act like a normal person in the Morganverse – skull molding as a baby to keep out the “now you love Roots Country! now you consider lip-syncing the Worst Scam Ever!” mind-control waves.
Shadow COTW Contenders, Part 3
TheDiva
September 8th, 2026 at 5:11 am Reply
Mary Worth: First we have Nelly, who hates Mary and everything she stands for, and now we have Alma, who responds to the tepid “drama” of the strip with dismissive “so what”? I think we may have the most relatable Mary Worth arc in history here.
Buck Ripsnort
September 8th, 2026 at 5:20 am Reply
Mary Worth: “Frankly Nelly, if this is the best you can do, I’m going to have to start getting my Charterstone gossip somewhere else. Unless you can follow up ‘sitting in a car together looking awfully friendly’ with at least “And then I saw him taking down his pants’, this just isn’t worth a ‘WHOOOA NELLY!’ from me.”
I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV
September 8th, 2026 at 5:21 am Reply
Mary Worth: TURN BACK MORTAL, TURN BACK BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE: THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE MEDDLER AND YOU ARE NOT IT
Vulpes
September 8th, 2026 at 5:28 am Reply
Rex Morgan: Actually, Helpful Apartment Resident’s head lump makes perfect artistic sense when you consider the tableau formed by the last two panels in today’s strip. Clearly these characters are being set in stark contrast to each other: Ollman is white, Lumpy is black; Ollman is old, McLump is young; Ollman wears black over powder blue, the Lumpster wears powder blue over black. So of course, since Ollman doesn’t have a weird head lump, there’s only one option that makes narrative sense.
Maltmash3r
September 8th, 2026 at 5:38 am Reply
Mary Worth: Nelly, if your trying to out “busy body’ Mary, you’re going to have to up your game. Don’t just bring people their mail, you need some sort of baked good.
Oh, and their are other people who live at Charterstone? Either they are completely well- adjusted, or they know to lock their door whenever they see Mary on the prowl.
Ukranazi Stepan
September 8th, 2026 at 5:45 am Reply
Wrecks Moregone: I thought xenomorphs incubated inside their victims’ chests, but then this one might have lost its way. Kind of like a tapeworm larva that ends up in a brain or something instead of the intestine as intended.
Either way the emergence scene is going to be *spectacular*.
Hibbleton
September 8th, 2026 at 5:56 am Reply
Mary Worth: Ian?…The guy with the hot, young wife -and Mary?…The hag who smells like mothballs and rosewater? Uh, I gotta go.
(Remembers why she avoids talking to Nelly)
Liam
September 8th, 2026 at 6:32 am Reply
Rex Morgan: “They said they were headed to ‘Mary Worth’ to shake down a guy named Wilbur.”
2+2=7
September 8th, 2026 at 6:40 am Reply
Mary Worth: Alma reacts to an old woman’s incessant nosiness and meddling in things that aren’t really any of her business with dismissive, nonchalant “so what?” Just in case people were wondering why this character doesn’t appear in this strip too often.
GarrisonSkunk
September 8th, 2026 at 6:45 am Reply
Sex Organ V.D. “….They said something about moving on up to a big apartment in the sky and having pie. So I figure they went over to Montoni’s in Westview to commit suicide by pizza.”
Charterstone: Dune
September 8th, 2026 at 6:58 am Reply
Rex Morgan: My man looks like the twins were trying out their kidnapping technique on him with a baseball bat to the back of the head.
Poteet
September 8th, 2026 at 1:32 pm Reply
Gasoline Alley: I started out hating Haystack the urpy-looking lemon dog, but now I hate his irresponsible owner as well.
Artist formerly known as Ben
September 8th, 2026 at 2:50 pm Reply
Phantom: “Hold on, guys. I’m getting a text on my ankle monitor…Damnit, I really need to get a spam blocker for this thing.”
Bob Tice
September 8th, 2026 at 3:07 pm Reply
Mary Worth: “And it makes perfect sense, of course, that if they were in fact trysting, they’d do so in front of a rowof Charterstone picture windows where nosy people like me could easily spot them!”
Ukulele Ike
September 8th, 2026 at 3:07 pm Reply
Phantom: The buzzing is Chatu’s shoe-phone. Vindicta looks to Maxwell Smart’s CONTROL for cutting-edge communications technology.
A Grave Mind
September 8th, 2026 at 4:28 pm Reply
Mary Worth: Look at Nelly’s side-glance. Now THAT is a gal with at least one dalmatian skin coat! Woof, woof!
Scratchy Scrotum LXIX
September 9th, 2026 at 4:32 am Reply
Mother Goose and Grimm: If you cracked Humpty’s mouth all the way around, it would look like he’s wearing a Charlie Brown shirt. Good grief.
The Quiet Man
September 9th, 2026 at 4:41 am Reply
Phantom: Schmelon Shmusk didn’t get fabulously rich by going with the highest bidder. Ol’ Gil must have been really convincing selling those drones made from the same material as clay pigeons…
Maybe the psychosis from the glasses is permanent?
Well played, Pozzo. Nice job, everyone!
Shadow COTW Contenders, Part 4
Bob Tice
September 9th, 2026 at 4:47 am Reply
Mary Worth: “What’s he doing with Mary?”
“Let’s broaden that, Alma — what’s anyone doing with Mary?”
Old School Allie Cat
September 9th, 2026 at 4:47 am Reply
Mother Goose and Grimm: Granted, it’s early and my eyes are still booting up, but it looked to me like the horses were about to deliver a restaurant health score of “F” to this pop-up egg stand.
Terry Rhoden
September 9th, 2026 at 5:01 am Reply
Mary Worth: “You’ve given me a lot to think about, Nellie, but since it involves Ian Cameron having maybe having sexual relations with Mary Worth-” :vomits..a lot:
I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV
September 9th, 2026 at 5:35 am Reply
Mary Worth: All week long, I’ve been wondering what the story is with Alma and her uncanny valley skin tone. I’ve finally got it figured out: she’s covered herself in ashes as repentance for the sin of appearing in this dreck. Reader, do the same! Get your sackcloth on before the angel of comics judgment appears!
Tabby Lavalamp
September 9th, 2026 at 6:02 am Reply
Mary Worth: Nelly, look at how exhausted and mauve Alma is. Forget your gossip and get her to a damned doctor!
Joe Blevins
September 9th, 2026 at 7:58 am Reply
Mary Worth: Nelly, you’ve really got to get on the internet. This one-on-one method of spreading gossip is inefficient.
Feadogboy
September 9th, 2026 at 8:11 am Reply
Lockhorns: Don’t look now, but I think “Random character who we’ve never seen before listening to Loretta’s comments” has been promoted to “Lesbian lover lounging on Loretta’s bed watching her dress”. Not that there’s anything wrong with it . . .
Government Cheese
September 9th, 2026 at 8:38 am Reply
Mary Worth: Nelly: It is very odd indeed, Alma! Now if you excuse me, all this gossip and excitement reminds me I need to go my plastic surgeon to get my eyebrows even more arched!
How else am I going to judge if I don’t have the right parabolic arches? I might even have my eyes professionally bulged!
Dr. Larry Erhardt
September 9th, 2026 at 9:39 am Reply
Shoe: Pro tip: When teleporting via magic bar counter, it’s generally considered impolite to engage in small talk while you’re still within the Void Between Worlds.
Hibbleton
September 10th, 2026 at 4:35 am Reply
Lockhorns: The man on the escalator is coming to tell the woman at the counter that once Leroy leaves shut it down. The deserted mall is closing for good.
matt w
September 10th, 2026 at 4:41 am Reply
Lockhorns: The saddest character in comics is the woman whose bodily proportions are more out of whack than Leroy Lockhorn’s.
A Grave Mind
September 10th, 2026 at 4:44 am Reply
Lockhorns: My Great Aunt Joan was an Anniversary Gift Suggestion-Giver. Worked her way up from the bottom, started as a Direction-Giver, then a Recipe Suggestion-Giver. Anniversary Gift Suggestions was the top of the mountain. Then, one day? Boom. Downsized, when it was revealed that nobody in the history of the Universe ever actually had that job. I’d feel bad for old Joan, if she weren’t completely made-up.
TheDiva
September 10th, 2026 at 5:22 am Reply
Mary Worth: I mean, come on, what is Nelly supposed to think? No sane person would willingly spend more time in Ian’s (or Mary’s) company unless there was something untoward going on…
Horace Broon
September 10th, 2026 at 10:46 am Reply
Mary Worth: Alma’s voice says “That’s shocking!” but her expression says “I couldn’t care less about any of this.” Or possibly “Is Nelly still talking? I’d better respond so she doesn’t realise I’ve completely tuned her out.”
JustSomeGuy
September 10th, 2026 at 9:54 pm Reply
Lockhorns: I picture the “Anniversary Gift Suggestions” desk being in the luggage pickup at the airport.
CanuckDownSouth
September 11th, 2026 at 4:43 am Reply
Mary Worth: “You never can *really* tell about a person… except you, Nelly, you make your bitterness and misanthropy *amazingly* clear to all!”
Shadow COTW
——————
Anonymeaux
September 10th, 2026 at 9:30 am Reply
Hi and Lois: “At least, I never know what I’m going to get. Sometimes it’s a cookie. Sometimes it’s a spring-loaded mousetrap. Sometimes it’s Dad’s stash of weed. Sometimes it’s a spring-loaded mousetrap strategically positioned on top of Dad’s stash of weed… Come to think of it, why doesn’t Dad just keep that stuff somewhere else?”
So happy to be back on the float with so many clever co-snarkers, especially Horace Broon, Big Ted and Joe Blevins. My eyes are tearing up from laughing, guys!
Great jokes, everyone! Especially Vulpes and Morgan Wick, I chortled at those.
Metapost: C … … . OTW!!!!
That’s Morse Code for SSE. What kind of directional information are we receiving?
Congratulations to Pozzo, and a shoutout to all runners up!
Congratulations, Pozzo! Thanks, Josh and Scratchy!
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
CanuckDownSouth
September 5th, 2026 at 4:50 am Reply
MW Welp. Maybe if Ian’s “O” face is the same as his ‘ha, ha’ guffaw chiming in with the parrot it finally explains why he gave in so completely to living with the bird.
Little Blue Bicycle
September 5th, 2026 at 4:45 am Reply
MW: Just because Nelly is bitter doesn’t mean she’s wrong. It would explain a lot actually.
nescio
September 5th, 2026 at 5:24 am Reply
I don’t know about Mary’s left hand, but her right hand is patting Ian’s back, trying to get a burp out.
MKay
September 5th, 2026 at 5:47 am Reply
MW: OK, I have to go with Lemon-Puss Nelly on this one – that’s just FREAKY.
Bob Tice
September 5th, 2026 at 6:10 am Reply
Mary Worth:
“This is like an Easter egg hunt, isn’t it….”
Horace Broon
September 5th, 2026 at 8:33 am Reply
MW: Look, I’m not saying they’re having sex, because eew. I’m just saying that even a platonic hug is more than we’ve ever seen Toby and Dr Jeff get.
Anonymoose
September 5th, 2026 at 8:59 am Reply
MW: Has anyone ever shown this much happiness in Mary’s presence ever? Yeah, Ian is definitely drunk.
ValdVin
September 5th, 2026 at 10:40 am Reply
MW: “And how is Mary going to impale herself on him without impaling herself on the gearshift first? This isn’t 1964 and there are no bench seats and three-on-the-tree shift levers, which is another thing which changed and sucks!”
Hibbleton
September 5th, 2026 at 4:38 am Reply
MW: They couldn’t have been in the car that long. I can’t believe Ian can go ten minutes without farting.
FC: Jeffy puts his newfound knowledge to use when he gets home. He points at Thel’s breasts:
“That one’s for hot milk and that one’s for cold.”
The Rambling Otter
September 5th, 2026 at 6:32 am Reply
Note to Dustin creators: Never show an ass-shot of Ed Kudlick ever again. Especially when the color of his pants almost match the color of his skin.
Alter Ego
September 5th, 2026 at 7:42 am Reply
Dustbin – “Uh, Mr. K, you do know we’re talking about photographs, right, not about soiling your underwear?”
Liam
September 5th, 2026 at 8:43 am Reply
Dustin-“Wanna see them? I am first legally obligated to ask if you are eighteen. “
ectojazzmage
September 5th, 2026 at 8:46 am Reply
Dustin: This random dweeb kid is the only person in this entire comic that Dustin’s Dad isn’t a raging asshole towards, why is that? Personal theory is that he sees Random Blonde Dork as a better son than Dustin and is plotting to use him as a replacement once he’s murdered Dustin.
BigTed
September 5th, 2026 at 8:50 am Reply
Dustin: Mr. Peabody’s friend Sherman has time-traveled all the way from the 1960s to learn about modern technology like hand-held telephones with cameras on both sides — but he’s clearly interviewing the wrong people. Dude, don’t just talk to the first guy you encounter standing around the sidewalk pretending to rake leaves. There are idiots in every time period!
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
pugfuggly
September 5th, 2026 at 4:52 am Reply
BB Beetle, that is clearly not a canoe. Ill let it pass, since I can’t think if a more appropriate pun. “He’s slipping her the skiff”? Eh, I’ll keep working on it.
Rover Berkeley
September 5th, 2026 at 10:12 am Reply
RMMD: Reminds me of those angles they use in pro wrestling, where Wrester 1 is feuding with Wrestler 2. Then Wrestler 3 ticks off Wrestler 1, and Wrestler 2 is abruptly discarded to focus on a new feud between Wrestlers 1 and 3. Makes perfect sense.
Just John
September 5th, 2026 at 10:19 am Reply
RMMD: “You fool!” Well! We now know which one is the diabolical genius in the family. Because, you can’t be a diabolical genius if you fail to utter “you fool!” every now and then. Now… for future reference… which one is she, again?
2+2=7
September 5th, 2026 at 10:34 am Reply
GIL THORP: “Ha ha, look how weird this ‘kid’ looks,” says the strip that doesn’t understand irony in the slightest.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Henry Gives It to Alice in the Butt
September 6th, 2026 at 4:50 am Reply
DtM: Gina’s looking for a threesome.
ValdVin
September 6th, 2026 at 4:47 am Reply
DtM: Gina’s too smart to worry about cottoning to Dennis’ favor. Maybe she and Margaret have more in common than we think.
MKay
September 6th, 2026 at 6:06 am Reply
DtM: OK, light bulb here; Mr Wilson arranges a contract with Margaret’s parents to let her hang out at his house. She’s boring, but not destructive.
MW: Now, Moy is no Charles Dickens, far from it, but I do admit to enjoying her insinuative character names. There is, of course, the immortal “Belle Battsfrey,” and now, “Nelly Fennelley,” which it’s really impossible to say without prissily pressing one’s lips together.
Ukranazi Stepan
September 6th, 2026 at 5:02 am Reply
Wary Morth:
Oh, wait, now I get it: Nelly is a stand-in for the entire readership since she commits the one unpardonable sin – despising Mary – and will pay for it in our steads.
Nelly will suffer for our sins.
Truly, she is blessed.
Baja Gaijin
September 6th, 2026 at 5:35 am Reply
Mary Worth: I love everything about today’s strip. Nelly’s odd-looking judgmental face peering out the window. Ian and Mary oblivious to Nelly’s spying. Mary playing “Candy Crush for Seniors” in the final panel. Nelly saying what we’ve been saying for ages. And, best of all, no Wilbur or Weston of any kind!
BigTed
September 6th, 2026 at 8:11 am Reply
Mary Worth: Nelly is such a poor gossip-monger, she doesn’t even realize which Charterstone resident is having an affair. If she kept watching Mary a little bit longer, she’d realize that was staying in her car to text Toby: “Okay, I kept the doofus busy for an hour — now he’s coming back, so get rid of your ‘friend.’ I’ll meet you at the Bum Boat for payment, and it had better be lobster!”
Artist formerly known as Ben
September 6th, 2026 at 11:28 am Reply
MW: Highlanders settle things by decapitating each other. Busybodies have this. Either way, there can be only one.
Professor Well Actually
September 6th, 2026 at 5:58 am Reply
MW: Ian and Mary are either celebrating Toby’s pregnancy or Ian’s election.
Professor Well Actually
September 6th, 2026 at 7:48 am Reply
Erection
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Henry Gives It to Alice in the Butt
September 7th, 2026 at 4:29 am Reply
DtM – No Ruff, Mr. Wilson was telling Dennis, not you, to eat shit and die.
Rover Berkeley
September 7th, 2026 at 9:01 am Reply
DtM: Is this the first time this comic has depicted a pile of ****?
Baja Gaijin
September 7th, 2026 at 1:17 pm Reply
@60 Rover Berkeley: on Dennis the Menace: This isn’t the first time that’s been displayed in this strip: remember all the times Dennis insulted his mother at the dinner table? Yeah, that’s why.
Hibbleton
September 7th, 2026 at 4:38 am Reply
RMMD: Rex finally enters the picture after the head of lettuce in lumphead’s takeaway bag gives him Cyclospora.
TheDiva
September 7th, 2026 at 6:56 am Reply
RMMD: Knowing the twins, they’ve probably done something that would justify the building owner filing criminal charges, and they’ve left a paper trail a mile wide in their retreat. I give it two weeks before they’re sitting across from Uncle Rene at the prison lunch table.
Ken
September 7th, 2026 at 7:03 am Reply
@TheDiva: RMMD: I’ll bet you’re right. I’m imagining the twins’ apartment with all the major appliances missing, and the copper wire ripped out of the walls. Though given the scale of their previous scams, they’re more likely to have stolen all the light bulbs and the toilet-paper roller.
Ukulele Ike
September 7th, 2026 at 9:18 am Reply
RMMD: Good thing Lyle specified he was the grandfather. Otherwise Lumpy would have figured he was one of the girls’ “customers,” who pay top dollar for the kind of servicing only identical twins can provide.
pugfuggly
September 7th, 2026 at 5:33 am Reply
RMMD: “…I know that because they wouldn’t shut up about it while they were doing it. Just kept talking out loud as if they were narrating their own lives in the world’s most pointless documentary. God I am looking forward to the silence…”
Pluggers: I really like how DogMan is shown from the waist up, as if he got into the exam room and immediately dropped his trousers before the doctor said “You know what, put that thing away, we’re done with that…”
Banana Jr. 6000
September 7th, 2026 at 4:50 am Reply
Pluggers: That’s nice. So when do you die? That’s the only thing I want to know, Plugger. When do you die? I’m sick of you fat, lazy, ignorant, decrepit meat sacks rubbing your inexplicable health in my face, when your life choices are way worse than mine across the board. And then you refuse to die, or even suffer any real consequences. Are you actually cockroaches? It would explain a lot.
Pozzo
September 7th, 2026 at 4:51 am Reply
I’m reminded of the fact that Milton Berle was diagnosed with colon cancer at, like, 93. They didn’t bother to operate because he wouldn’t be around long enough for it to kill him and even if he was, so what? It’s just Milton Berle.
nescio
September 7th, 2026 at 5:00 am Reply
A Plugger when his doctor decides, “You know what, you really should die of colon cancer.”
Schroduck
September 7th, 2026 at 5:06 am Reply
Pluggers: I guess Pluggers was never meant to be seen at this resolution – it’s meant to be seen roughly the size of a postage stamp, printed in the cheapest inks on the greyest paper America’s struggling newspapers can afford – but those wonky pupils don’t look excited, they look manic with fear and rage. This is a man who is either suffering a breakdown, or is being depicted at the very moment he experiences his last colonoscopy.
TheDiva
September 7th, 2026 at 6:56 am Reply
Pluggers are going to die soon, and the sooner the better.
The Rambling Otter
September 7th, 2026 at 9:05 am Reply
Someone asked a question on Reddit.
If you could sleep with anyone living or dead who would you choose?
Many people brought up modern celebrities, long past cebebrities and such.
One man said “My late wife, we spent fifty years together, before she passed, I would give anything for one last day with her”
The next comment said “I also choose his dead wife”
While many people found this hilarious, many other people were mad, saying that it was in bad taste, but the previous commentator said that his wife had a good sense of humour and would have found that funny too.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Lauralot
September 7th, 2026 at 4:52 am Reply
MW : You expect me to believe that Nelly, whose sole character trait is “hating everything,” is the sort of person who greets her neighbors? And you expect me to believe she waited a whole day before trying to ruin lives?
Everything Is Better With Monkeys?.
September 7th, 2026 at 5:05 am Reply
MW – Alma appears to be suffering from heavy exposure to colloidal silver and is unlikely to live long enough to spread this gossip.
Little Blue Bicycle
September 7th, 2026 at 6:36 am Reply
MW: Alma’s last name is:
A. Mater
B. Children
C. Loving
D. Exes live in Texas
cheech wizard
September 7th, 2026 at 9:48 am Reply
MW -“And you’ll never guess what I saw them doing! He was eating her tuna casserole! Can you imagine?”
ValdVin
September 7th, 2026 at 7:04 am Reply
MW: Alma: “That little meddlesome trollop! Ian is my side piece!”
Just trying to inject a bit of anything into this arc, but that’s like performing CPR on a cold corpse.
Sex-Negative Nellie
September 7th, 2026 at 8:10 am Reply
Mary Worth: Where can I register a complaint? And please don’t tell me, School Management; I “get the reference,” if I may be permitted to engage in the slangy lingo so prevalent in current society.
The absolute smut Karen Moy has presented to us this past week is beyond the pale! Ian and Mary sit in that car of ill repute, no doubt having inhaled marihuana fumes given the manic “Ha Ha!” they cry out in unison, engaging in their debauched version of sex that can have no procreative purpose or outcome whatsoever given her advanced age. Oh! and did I mention he is married? This is the worst of the worst and I had to reread each day’s installment a half dozen times to be sure I hadn’t missed some twisted detail.
But that is not my main complaint, oh no no no! It is obvious that Moy reads this blog, and is purposely mocking me! Nelly-with-a-Y Feneley-Banana-Banana-Bo-Beley is a transparent slam at the deep and penetrating analyses that I periodically slip into this dried up blog for the benefit of its slavering readership. The characterization is nil, merely a rude caricature of my careful style, meant to harm my sterling reputation. At this moment I am uncertain whether to withhold my favors at this site. But in any case, with whom may I lodge my sizable grievance?
richardf8
September 7th, 2026 at 12:57 pm Reply
@Sex-Negative Nellie: My wife has become something of a birder lately, and she uses the e-Bird app to share her sightings with the Cornell lab of Ornithology. Sometimes she’ll see a pair of Hairy Woodpeckers, one with a red crest, one without. She’ll tag the sighting with the label “pair in suitable habitat” which means some smutty hole in a tree of ill repute, and I will say to her “did you report those hairy woodpeckers to Bird Management?”
The ghost of Humphrey Lyttleton
September 7th, 2026 at 12:24 pm Reply
@Sex-Negative Nellie: I am so pleased to see a sensible post like this in the comments section. I sincerely hope you can find someone who can look into your sizeable grievance and work hard to give it full satisfaction.
Horace Broon
September 7th, 2026 at 9:37 am Reply
MW: Is Alma the first person of colour to be established as a Charterstone resident, or has she just been to the same tanning salon as Brandy?
TheDiva
September 7th, 2026 at 7:05 am Reply
MW: What do you want to bet Alma’s “passing” in order to fit in with the Charterstone community?
Navigator
September 7th, 2026 at 10:11 am Reply
Judging from the shell-shocked expressions, the apartment newsletter is going to take hours to write because it has to acknowledge some truly horrific event that just occurred in the complex. I hope it involved Marvin.
Schroduck
September 8th, 2026 at 4:43 am Reply
GT: Football commentator Mr Madden becomes a national celebrity and gets a billion dollar video game franchise named after him. Football commentator Ms Madden asks high-school coaches if other high-school coaches gate-crashed their weddings. This says a lot about our society.
Liam
September 8th, 2026 at 6:32 am Reply
Gil Thorp-“And what about the reports of Marty Moon infiltrating your honeymoon suite and giving a play by play account?”
Tabby Lavalamp
September 8th, 2026 at 6:04 am Reply
I hope Adrian Blatz is ready for the culture shock of moving from a place where people pay a normal amount of attention to high school sports to WTF America?
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
Lauralot
September 8th, 2026 at 4:31 am Reply
MW: Is Nelly Fenely the worst possible timeline version of Lorraine McFly? “When I was your age I never chased a boy or called a boy or sat in a parked car with a boy.”
Buck Ripsnort
September 8th, 2026 at 5:20 am Reply
“Frankly Nelly, if this is the best you can do, I’m going to have to start getting my Charterstone gossip somewhere else. Unless you can follow up ‘sitting in a car together looking awfully friendly’ with at least “And then I saw him taking down his pants’, this just isn’t worth a ‘WHOOOA NELLY!’ from me.”
Maltmash3r
September 8th, 2026 at 5:38 am Reply
MW- Nelly, if your trying to out “busy body’ Mary, you’re going to have to up your game. Don’t just bring people their mail, you need some sort of baked good.
Oh, and their are other people who live at Charterstone? Either they are completely well- adjusted, or they know to lock their door whenever they see Mary on the prowl.
The Rambling Otter
September 8th, 2026 at 7:01 am Reply
We’ve already seen that Nelly was miserable back when she was eating her Cheerio.
So it seems she gets off on badmouthing people/causing discord.
I’m certain Mary will find some Freudian origin as to why she’s unhappy, have her overcome that issue, and then she becomes another brainwashed drone of Charterstone who kisses Mary’s ass.
“So what?”
richardf8
September 8th, 2026 at 6:58 am Reply
If Alma switches up from “so what?” to “yes and. . ?” this strip would be way clearer about the improv act this lobby scene is.
Poteet
September 8th, 2026 at 1:32 pm Reply
MW: This story can only be dragged out if there are a sufficient number of dimwits living at Charterstone who pay attention to Nelly and essentially do her bidding. So yeah, we’re doomed.
2+2=7
September 8th, 2026 at 6:40 am Reply
MARY WORTH: Alma reacts to an old woman’s incessant nosiness and meddling in things that aren’t really any of her business with dismissive, nonchalant “so what?” Just in case people were wondering why this character doesn’t appear in this strip too often.
MARY WORTH (2): Also I suspect the suggestion that someone made here yesterday was right. Mary Worth is so used to an all-white cast that the colorist threw away their “ethnic” skin palette.
The Rambling Otter
September 8th, 2026 at 6:43 am Reply
It seems to me, that Les Moore’s second wife “Not-Lisa” got a gig in Mary Worth after Funky-Cancerbean ended, and her contract never renewed for Crankshaft.
GarrisonSkunk
September 8th, 2026 at 6:45 am Reply
Sex Organ V.D. “….They said something about moving on up to a big apartment in the sky and having pie. So I figure they went over to Montoni’s in Westview to commit suicide by pizza.”
CanuckDownSouth
September 8th, 2026 at 4:51 am Reply
RMMD New Guy is showing us just what it takes to act like a normal person in the Morganverse – skull molding as a baby to keep out the “now you love Roots Country! now you consider lip-syncing the Worst Scam Ever!” mind-control waves
Vulpes
September 8th, 2026 at 5:28 am Reply
Rex Morgan, M.D.:
Actually, Helpful Apartment Resident’s head lump makes perfect artistic sense when you consider the tableau formed by the last two panels in today’s strip. Clearly these characters are being set in stark contrast to each other: Ollman is white, Lumpy is black; Ollman is old, McLump is young; Ollman wears black over powder blue, the Lumpster wears powder blue over black. So of course, since Ollman doesn’t have a weird head lump, there’s only one option that makes narrative sense.
Austria
September 8th, 2026 at 9:28 am Reply
Well I, for one, welcome our new head-lump overlord.
Old School Allie Cat
September 9th, 2026 at 4:47 am Reply
MG&G – Granted, it’s early and my eyes are still booting up, but it looked to me like the horses were about to deliver a restaurant health score of F to this pop-up egg stand.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
pugfuggly
September 9th, 2026 at 4:42 am Reply
MW Buried in all this intrigue is a pretty suck burn in Mary. Ian has a young beautiful wife, what would he be doing with Mary who is neither of those things?
Hibbleton
September 9th, 2026 at 4:44 am Reply
MW: What’s he doing with Mary? No, seriously. What’s anyone doing with Mary? In fact, in that light, avoiding witnesses sounds perfectly reasonable.
The Quiet Man
September 9th, 2026 at 4:41 am Reply
MW: Love Alma’s exhausted face in panel one. I’m taking that ‘yeah, that sounds *suspicious*’ as being delivered with a heavy dose of sarcasm.
Terry Rhoden
September 9th, 2026 at 5:01 am Reply
MW: “You’ve given me a lot to think about, Nellie, but since it involves Ian Cameron having maybe having sexual relations with Mary Worth-” :vomits..a lot:
Professor Well Actually
September 9th, 2026 at 5:45 am Reply
MW: Ian and Mary got caught coming home from a Scotch tasting. Few people know about Mary’s Scotch collection.
Little Blue Bicycle
September 9th, 2026 at 7:02 am Reply
MW: Sure, we’re supposed to dislike Nelly, but think about it. She hates Mary because she’s a busybody. She senses that Ian has a wandering eye. Is she wrong? No. Nelly is the voice of reason, and I for one can’t wait to see what she thinks of the Weston family. We are Nelly.
Mr. A
September 9th, 2026 at 6:30 am Reply
Shoe: Since I refuse to believe that any Shoe character is aware of any cultural development past Y2K, I’m going to assume this guy heard the phrase “cancel culture” with zero context and is genuinely trying to work backwards to its meaning. Tune in tomorrow for “I wanted to ‘get woke’, so I bought an alarm clock with no snooze button.”
Voshkod
September 9th, 2026 at 7:28 am Reply
“Fuck you,” Shoe growls, as he extends his magnificent wings and takes to the skies, soaring toward the sun.
Rosstifer
September 10th, 2026 at 4:33 am Reply
The most disturbing part of The Lockhorns is how much they have to fuck up the proportions of their entire world, just so that Leroy and Loretta can interact with it.
Hibbleton
September 10th, 2026 at 4:35 am Reply
Lockhorns: The man on the escalator is coming to tell the woman at the counter that once Leroy leaves shut it down. The deserted mall is closing for good.
Charterstone: Dune
September 10th, 2026 at 4:51 am Reply
Lockhorns: If they phased out Leroy and Loretta to make more space for this performance artist doing bits in dead malls, I wouldn’t mind at all!
matt w
September 10th, 2026 at 4:41 am Reply
The saddest character in comics is the woman whose bodily proportions are more out of whack than Leroy Lockhorn’s.
Scratchy’s Scrotums of the Week
MKay
September 10th, 2026 at 5:08 am Reply
MW: Mary starts a retaliatory rumor about Nelly and Wilbur. Nelly moves away in the middle of the night.
Baja Gaijin
September 10th, 2026 at 4:35 am Reply
Hi and Lois: Why does Lois even have that cookie jar? She forbid the kids from eating the cookies. Look how disappointed she is that her younger son successfully penetrated her defenses to eat some.
Bob Tice
September 10th, 2026 at 4:41 am Reply
Hi and Lois:
“Life is like Thirsty’s beer cooler — if you stick your hand in it to grab some brand of brewski, you never know what you’re going to get.”
Bob Tice
September 11th, 2026 at 4:47 am Reply
Mary Worth:
My working hypothesis is that the source of Nelly’s being pretty much dour about everything in the first instance is that she was piqued that Johnny Rivers has never been inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame — as opposed to, say, Percy Sledge and Gene Pitney.
Hard to blame her.
A Grave Mind
September 11th, 2026 at 4:47 am Reply
20 minutes later: Alma, Suicide Bomber.
BigTed
September 11th, 2026 at 4:48 am Reply
Mary Worth: Proper?! When Mary isn’t feasting on surf-and-turf with her hod-roddin’, speed-boatin’ boyfriend, she’s stuffing her neighbors full of tea and bran while yanking their darkest secrets straight out of their guts. Sure, there would be something extra-repellent about the idea of her doing the secret nasty with Ian Cameron, of all people, but it’s not as if she’s ever been a prim little old lady who didn’t enjoy a good age-appropriate, done-by-“NCIS” rutting every now and again.
Gil Bates
September 11th, 2026 at 5:10 am Reply
MW: I have deduced that Alma has Inuit ancestry, a culture where the phrase “laughing with” means “sexual relations with”. This misunderstanding explains Alma’s pliancy!
Charterstoned
September 11th, 2026 at 7:05 am Reply
MW: Sometimes I wish we could enjoy an episode from end to start. Mary and Jeff, enjoying dinner at the Bum Boat, shake their heads over the situation just ended.
“The thing I will never understand, Mary, is how ANYONE who knows you could suspect you of doing anything that wasn’t PROPER!” Jeff says, stopping in the middle of lifting his bottle of beer for a swig.
“I’m just grateful that Nelly’s rumors didn’t spread further than they did,” Mary replies, a worried frown belying the faint smile on her face. “I worry about the consequences for IAN, who did nothing wrong!”
Jeff smiles at Mary. “I’m grateful for YOU, Mary. You’ve made me a better man.”
Mary smiles indulgently. “I try, Jeff. In fact, I was making IAN a better man, when all of this started.”
Jeff lifts an eyebrow. “How so?”
Mary sips her wine, meditatively. “It’s hard to explain. Hard. But I was honestly trying to lift Ian’s spirits, and it seemed that laughter was the best way to get a RISE out of him. So I told him a few mild jokes, and that seemed to do the trick. He seemed happy and SATISFIED with his life.”
“As am I, Mary.”
“Let’s take that moonlight walk on the dock, shall we?” Mary suggests.
Jeff pays the bill. Again.
Special Scrotal Awards to the Best No. 69 and Beyond of the Week
69. Ukulele Ike
September 6th, 2026 at 9:14 am Reply
PV: The bloody feet are the best part. Now they can spend the next couple of weeks in bed recuperating, while all the boys wait on them.
69. Joe Blevins
September 9th, 2026 at 7:58 am Reply
MW: Nelly, you’ve really got to get on the internet. This one-on-one method of spreading gossip is inefficient.
Shoe: No! I am putting my foot down! Characters who are still allowed to smoke at bars are not allowed to complain about cancel culture.
Special Scrotal Awards to the Best No. 69 and Beyond of the Week
69. Peanut Gallery
September 10th, 2026 at 7:30 am Reply
Hi and Lois – Lois, having a cookie jar doesn’t make you a tradwife, if all you’re doing is dumping store-bought cookies in there. You’re supposed to bake them yourself. And furthermore, mixing Oreos in with Chips Ahoy makes the Chips Ahoy get all soggy.
169. Anonymous
September 10th, 2026 at 6:33 pm Reply
It’s like a cookie orgy in that cookie jar! Could probably use a quote from Boogie Nights or some other movie about the sex industry and it would make more sense than that one from Forrest Gump