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Hey there! Your COTW in a moment, but one last reminder that you can see me and many other funny people do funny comedy in downtown Baltimore, tomorrow (Saturday), in the Doomhilda Festival of Lights! 8 p.m., E.M.P. Collective, 307 W. Baltimore St. Be there or be somewhere less fun!

But few things are more fun than your comment of the week!

“I’m pretty ignorant of both (a) football penalty rules and (b) Gil Thorp conventions (other than the annual hideous family Christmas card). Does it mean anything that the penalty flag has breached the border of the third panel? Is it escaping?” –sally

And the very funny runners up!

“[In panel three] that is the look and posture of a guy using a urinal.” –Dale

“Otto knows that the first thing to do when trying to deter sharks is to start peeing in the water as calmly as possible.” –Chareth Cutestory

“Wait, is this whole storyline just a daydream Otto’s having while he lolls in a bubble bath?” –Doctor Handsome

“I didn’t make the paper myself. There were lots of people involved in it too. The reporters who did the stories, the editors, the boys who run the printers.” –Liam

YES! A crime I didn’t even try to stop resulted in virtually no harm done! This is the closest I’ve come to a victory in years!” –Doctor Handsome

“In The Birds, Hitchcock deliberately made a relatively normal movie up to the moment the eponymous birds do their thing. Can we hope the writer of Mary Worth is a Hitchcock fan? Because I’ll pay good money to see the birds carry off One-Arm’s new prosthesis.” –Voshkod

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.

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I’M BACK, EVERYBODY! Let’s give Uncle Lumpy a very large hand for helping out in my absence! He says you’ve been good, so you’ll be rewarded with … my return? Sorry, that’s the best I can do. Oh, you’re also rewarded with this week’s slightly belated comment of the week!

“I’m thinking the skunk will become so smitten by Sam’s good looks and honest, noble character, it will spontaneously learn to squirt precious ambergris and Fabergé eggs from its anal glands. Of course, it will still cover Avery with plain old skunk stink.” — Perky Bird

And the runners up! Very funny!

Funky Winkerbean — “Well, how do we know Power Girl #18 won’t stain herself? Maybe that’s one of Power Girl’s powers, self-staining. I mean, powers can’t be all super-speed and flight and stretchiness and spider-web shooting and invisibility and green rings and utility belts and cool stuff like that. Maybe some are, you know, just embarrassing.” — Ian Beste

“What a change in mood between panels three and seven. They all look happy enough watching the news about the Italian Ship Disaster, and then it’s all revulsion and dismay when they remember that Wilbur and Dawn are coming back.” — Joe Btfsplk

“Of course under federal law, he must replace [his Levi’s tag] with a Wide Load banner and a Slow Moving Vehicle triangle….” — Dennis Jimenez

Free Microsoft Office 2010 [spam] — “Well, I suppose I’m willing to sign a petition asking for a new trial, but I absolutely refuse to bake Microsoft a cake with a file in it.” — Shrug

Curtis — “Somewhere, a couple of dozen Secret Service agents are passing a bong and watching MST3K reruns.” — Artist formerly known as Ben

“You don’t hit on the underaged caddy, you try to hustle the beer wench, who not only is at least 21 years old, but also shows some cleavage and is openly flirtatious, although both are in hopes you’ll tip her a buck on a $2.75 Bud Light. Steve has a lot to learn about golf.” — cheech wizard

“‘Leroy Lockhorn still gets invited to a lot of parties.’ I assume he has the best weed.” — Tom T.

“The EVIL GAME WARDEN realized that he could use Rusty as bait. These schemes work best if one does not tell the bait that it is bait. This could be the first time Rusty has been somebody’s chum.” — Dale

“Thel is angry that her daughter knows about stuck zippers. There will be a harlot stoning in the Keane Kompound backyard tonight.” — Zerowolf

I must thanks to all who put some cash into my tip jar! And we must give thanks to our advertisers:

  • I Could Pee on This and Other Poems by Cats by Francesco Marciuliano: For eons cats have strived to express their thoughts and feelings through body language, plaintive meowing, and a filmmaking style known as “fallen camera nudged across floor until forgotten or smeared with saliva.” But now thanks to the stirring power of poetry they can finally share what it truly means to be a cat.

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Let’s no waste any time, but get right to this week’s top comment!

Thieves stole over 200,000 dollars from a bank! Now back to our much less interesting story about a dog that does taxes or whatever I don’t even care anymore.” –Chyron HR

And the very funny runners up!

“Yes, Nola, the Charterstone Tramp who’ll talk to anybody, dares to talk to married men at the pool party, but Wilbur — poor, poor unmarried Wilbur! — can only console his inner-scream loneliness at the Buffet of Round Objects.” –mojo

“Look at the expressions on Dennis’ parents’ faces. They’re not stupid, they can smell weakness and Dennis is pumping it out by the barrel. In 24 hours Dennis is either going to be in military school or in a gunny sack … maybe both.” –Mumblix Grumph

“Am I the only person here totally confused by Toby’s use of the phrase ‘under wraps’? Keeping something ‘under wraps’ means keeping it a secret, right? So she thinks the only way she can keep her husband from cheating on her is by refusing to tell anyone he exists? Unless … unless he’s dead and she just remembered that it’s time to change his mummy wrappings! That makes Mary’s response make more sense, too, since clearly Ian can only walk on consecrated ground.” –Spyglass

“Speaking of Dawn, I don’t see her standing reverently next to her father, complimenting his food stacking abilities. Could it be she’s off in her room Face-tweeting, Twit-booking, saxting or whatever it is the kids do with their technologies?” –Effluvius Erratus

“I’ve been hypnotized by the hastily-added megasideburn in the 3rd panel of Mark Trail. Now I need a doctor’s note to return back to work.” –Jocelyn Knockersbury

“Considering the current economic climate, Tommie sure seems to get a lot of offers of pity-employment.” –Nekrotzar

“Well, Mary Beth, it’s also been said that boys don’t make passes at girls who look like they have progeria.” –Dono

“Don’t worry Mary Beth: boys think it’s awesome when a girl can cook possum.” –NoahSnark

“It says a lot about the artwork in Family Circus when Daddy Keane’s absurdly dainty ankles are the creepiest thing going on in a panel where the only possible inference is that Jeffy is about to bludgeon his father to death. Dad can’t even make a run for his life, because his ankles would snap if he placed any weight on them.” –DaveyK

“All sentences from here on out will start with OBSEQUIOUS TIGER” –Stickerz

“I must commend the writers of Mary Worth for having the sheer decency to use their signatures to prevent any further exposure of that guy’s chest hair.” –Irrischano

“C’mon, Tommie. Let the Status Quo reassert itself. You know you want to.” –Mibbitmaker

I must thanks to all who put some cash into my tip jar! And we must give thanks to our advertisers:

  • Boca Daze: The seriously funny mystery! “Not since Hiaasen has anyone captured the pothole-marred, driving-impaired, and geriatric-dominated zaniness as well as the new master of the comic crime novel Steve Forman.” –Bestseller, Jon Land

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