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Hey kids! It’s the comment of the week!

“Of course, now ‘above the fold‘ just means for an hour or so it will be placed high enough on the website’s main page that it’s visible without scrolling, before getting unceremoniously wedged between two external Outbrain links to ‘native content’ about organic diet pills. Enjoy your career in journalism, kids!” –Schroduck

And it’s also the runners up! They’re funny!

“Jokes about runaway inflation are not the gold standard of comedy, but there is no need to devalue them! There must be a reason why they are in circulation!” –Ettore

“Thank you, Dawn, for both translating and questioning the quote box.” –Pozzo

“Well, at least it’s a very nice drawing of an optometrist’s office.” –Noel

“Celebratory Fist Pump or Jerk Off Motion? It’s left to the reader to decide.” –Rex Thrillhouse, on Twitter

“‘I’m throwing out stuff today!’ says a manic Lois is a nearly empty house. ‘Soon we will achieve the cleanliness singularity! COMPLETE AND TOTAL TIDYNESS IS WITHIN OUR GRASP!’” –pugfuggly

“Hadley V. Baxendale really knows her way around jort law.” –Ned Ryerson

“It’s a ‘few days’ trek‘ back to JJ’s car. So I was right when I said these idiots supposedly were carrying enough water for at least a week of hiking in the desert terrain and heat despite the fact that NO THEY ABSOLUTELY WERE NOT THEY SHOULD BE DEAD.” –jroggs

“We all react to traumatic upbringings in different ways. Jeffy, whose every request has been rejected as a matter of course since he was born, predictably snaps, inflicting his withholding father with third-degree burns. But it’s PJ’s glassy-eyed stare — the one that reflects a lifetime of neglect and a grim fascination with his older brother’s complete lack of composure — that is truly chilling. He’s content to just observe for now, biding his time, learning from his siblings’ mistakes. When the time comes to finally act, he will have purged himself of all emotion, and his wrath will be terrible, indeed.” –Doctor Moreau

“Dawn: ‘Yay, something good is finally happening to me!’ Mary: ‘Yes, but you know it’s going to end soon, right?’ Dawn: ‘This is why everybody hates you.’” –BigTed

“A month ago, in a dusty and forgotten thrift shop, an ancient old man with malarial skin sold Loretta a book of forbidden knitting patterns, the legendary and shunned Unaussprechlichen Knitting, banned by Popes and Etsy alike. Loretta’s fingers caressed the strangely warm cover of the book, so soft, before she opened it and her eyes were filled with wonder, her brain filled with knots. Now she sits, day after day after day, knitting a long yellow … something. She can’t stop. Her fingertips are bleeding, her hands and arms ache, but she can’t stop. Some day she will finish her great project, a scarf fit for a king, a shroud fit for a pharaoh, but for now, tell me — have you seen the yellow stitch?” –Voshkod

“Vitamin Flintheart always calls Dick Tracy ‘Richard.’ Could he be that unseen villain who is calling Sam Driver ‘Samuel?’ Because being at the center of a drug distribution network in just one strip simply isn’t enough for a man of his obvious virility.” –seismic-2

“‘Well, actuallying’ your armed kidnappers? Sam is admirably true to himself.” –matt w

“How does Mary keep opening these fortune cookies without anyone noticing?” –JJ48

“‘Wealth still treating you right, I see‘ is the elevator pitch for Judge Parker.” –Brutus Jay

“‘Seriously, Mary? Like if I’m getting a tooth drilled, I should sit there saying to myself, I am ENJOYING this! I am ENJOYING this!?’ ‘You didn’t let me finish, dear. My point is, I hear a lot of crazy shit.’” –Peanut Gallery

“‘I’m not sure people understand how problematic Norton is. I know — I’ll put him in blackface!’ –the Judge Parker colorist exercising some creative control, apparently.” –VinegarMike

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

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The Internet Read Aloud is BACK tonight in LA, everybody, and it’s better than ever!

Pledge your allegiance by clicking on the Facebook event!

And also? Enjoy your comment of the week!

“In tomorrow’s Six Chix, a witch flying on a plunger tells her compatriot ‘watch out for a pissed-off plumber with a scythe!’ The next day, a plumber tries to clear a clog with a long pole, and tells his assistant ‘keep an eye out for a decathlete with scythe!’ Thursday, a pole vaulter tries to clear the bar with pitchfork and tells the ref ‘somewhere there’s a farmer with a scythe!’ Friday, a farmer calmly cuts wheat with a scythe.” –Voshkod

Your runners up are also very funny!

“I cannot wait to go swimming! Immersing my fleshform in dihydrogen monoxide is a pastime of which I, like all genuine Earthlings, am inordinately fond!” –Thomas Keith, on Facebook

“What makes this a ‘joke,’ and not just an advertisement for child violence, is that Dennis has a name for his beatings. I don’t get it either, but I like the way he assumes his mother is hip to his lingo: ‘Did you finish him off with a customer satisfaction survey to the ass, dear?’” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“The physician reporting Beetle’s death is Dr. Bonkus, the Camp Swampy physician. Beetle finds that Sarge has already reached heaven ahead of him. Clearly, these facts mean that both Beetle and Sarge have perished in some military-related incident. And it’s happening soon, given that they are both about their present age. Did they die in combat? Is the nation in fact going to war soon? WHAT DO THE WALKER-BROWNE STUDIOS KNOW THAT WE DON’T, DAMMIT???” –seismic-2

“I’m literally begging the Walker factory to draw a slope in the blanket for Beetle’s thighs so we don’t wind up with strips like today’s, where dreams about his own death give Beetle not one, but somehow two raging erections.” –Dan

“Sure, golf makes Hi horny, but Lois seems to be spending her day boiling a pot of piss, which makes his fetish look positively vanilla.” –pugfuggly

“Which reminds me: I got fired for playing golf during office hours.” –TheDiva

“These are my kind of con artists. So polite, so pleasant, so mutually supportive. I hope they get away with everything.” –Joe Blevins

“So basically Vitamin had to buy the theater to land the lead part in a summer stock production of a high school standard. Wouldn’t a converted barn outside of town been a lot cheaper?” –Guillermo el Chiclero

“A dream is like a movie that you get to watch for free! And a nightmare is like a trip to hell that you can only escape by dying! I wonder what we’ll see thanks to all these sleeping pills we took from my parents’ nightstand!” –jroggs

“A dream is like a movie that you get to watch for free! And there’s nothing wrong with dreams, right? So there’s nothing wrong with free movies either, right? Or just to cover some expenses, selling them for a price that’s practically free? Anyway, I’ve hidden a camera inside this teddy bear, and I need you to hold it on your lap after we sneak you into the theatre.” –pachoo

“What are the odds that Mark intentionally set up this cave to confuse Doc and make him more agreeable to being moved to a nursing home?” –JJ48

“I’m pretty monolingual, but I’d guess that idioms consisting entirely of common prepositions and pronouns like ‘up for it‘ are probably the hardest to learn. There’s a decent chance that Hugo meant to ask Dawn ‘Are you high?’” –matt w

“I am ze Franshe you know? I am how you say pepper my language with ze franshe words. My hamac a banane eez out at ze cleanairs, so I am wearink dees American how you say ‘short of boxing.’” –Anonymous

“Not that ‘I’m sorry I pulled the gun … I got carried away!‘ is much of an apology for nearly murdering your new acquaintances, but it’s still better than ‘I’m sorry you feel that way.’” –BigTed

“I guess what makes it funny is that Jane Fonda and Steve Jobs here are not the biggest grifters in today’s strip.” –Zla’od

“I cannot get over the absolute state of Dawn’s hair. This was either an attempt to draw a stylish messy bob that failed dramatically, or a skilled demonstration of drawing split ends to show us that Dawn cuts her own hair with kitchen scissors.” –Rosstifer

“The fish would say nothing to these two. But it will have a full report for Mary by the end of the evening.” –Gabacho

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

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YOOUUUU GUYS, after a month off me and my comedy pals are back doing live Internet-themed comedy in LA next week! DO NOT MISS IT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!

Pledge your allegiance by clicking on the Facebook event!

And also? Enjoy your comment of the week!

“I want to say that canonically the vulture is that kid’s only friend, but no online source is admitting that it knows about the vulture as a recurring character? Am I suggesting that I know more about Crock than the Wikipedia article? This is bad, folks.” –matt w

Also enjoy your runners up! They’re great!

“At some point, every Phantom must ask himself, ‘Should I have an armored outfit that will help protect me from my enemies’ weapons, instead of the usual skin-tight costume made of a thin fabric that reveals every inch of my magnificent physique?’ And our latest hero — even with a knife protruding from his chest — still thinks, ‘Naah, I made the right decision.’” –BigTed

“Take a lesson, Walker — when the narration box says it’s time to leave, it’s time to leave.” –Uncle Lumpy

“Mark’s hand is fully wrapped around that rock, so he clearly hit the lock straight on with his fingers. Adding insult to injury, his prediction of the lock breaking did NOT come true because the chest’s hasp broke instead. His look in the final panel is one of deeply hidden pain.” –Johnny Johnson, on Twitter

“Yeah, SNL just hasn’t been the same since the dawn of the age of the avians. The live-screening of vultures eating the last human cast has just ceased to be funny for some reason.” –pugfuggly

“My girlfriend seems to genuinely enjoy my company, but she’s a fucking idiot.” –Rosstifer

“Jughaid needs to market his concoction as Cajun Blackened Fudge and sell it as an expensive delicacy in the big city. Those hipsters won’t catch on.” –Jackson’s Third Hole, Wyoming

“Maybe this isn’t meant to have the Christian God read into it. Yes, there’s a nun, but for cartoon characters the creator is the cartoonist. Why does he let bad things happen to them? Well, why do bad things happen to him? Why do other human beings abuse him so, with no escape? If his existence is suffering, wouldn’t it be less than honest to have his creations experience anything else? So this is probably another one of those comics complaining about how, you know, the coffee was cold or something.” –pachoo

“If Dawn does not put out, it may be I can hire this ‘Tart of the Moon,’ no?” –Peanut Gallery

“Look, it doesn’t matter what you do; whatever it is, Mark Trail can and will one-up you. Discussing desert flora and fauna, swimming, martial arts, looking into well-lit boxes; you do it, Mark will do it better and make you look like a chump.” –jroggs

“It’s fun to imagine that Dawn’s cravat is actually holding her severed head in place. ‘Fascinating,’ she says, reminding herself to run to the bathroom before they leave to check for blood runs.” –jeltranksss

“At least one of them is also into shirts. Were you ever into shirts, Maggot?” –Foodar

“Our Town? Really? Dick Tracy has given us a guy eaten alive by rats, another crushed by a steamroller, and a third cut in half by an airplane, and now we’re gonna get several weeks of ghosts talking about trees and very precise street addresses? [sigh] This comic used to mean something, man.” –els

“Not only can Snuffy Smiff read, he’s reading the classifieds? This is bullshit.” –Mysterious Shirtless Lawyer

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!