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YOOUUUU GUYS, after a month off me and my comedy pals are back doing live Internet-themed comedy in LA next week! DO NOT MISS IT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!

Pledge your allegiance by clicking on the Facebook event!

And also? Enjoy your comment of the week!

“I want to say that canonically the vulture is that kid’s only friend, but no online source is admitting that it knows about the vulture as a recurring character? Am I suggesting that I know more about Crock than the Wikipedia article? This is bad, folks.” –matt w

Also enjoy your runners up! They’re great!

“At some point, every Phantom must ask himself, ‘Should I have an armored outfit that will help protect me from my enemies’ weapons, instead of the usual skin-tight costume made of a thin fabric that reveals every inch of my magnificent physique?’ And our latest hero — even with a knife protruding from his chest — still thinks, ‘Naah, I made the right decision.’” –BigTed

“Take a lesson, Walker — when the narration box says it’s time to leave, it’s time to leave.” –Uncle Lumpy

“Mark’s hand is fully wrapped around that rock, so he clearly hit the lock straight on with his fingers. Adding insult to injury, his prediction of the lock breaking did NOT come true because the chest’s hasp broke instead. His look in the final panel is one of deeply hidden pain.” –Johnny Johnson, on Twitter

“Yeah, SNL just hasn’t been the same since the dawn of the age of the avians. The live-screening of vultures eating the last human cast has just ceased to be funny for some reason.” –pugfuggly

“My girlfriend seems to genuinely enjoy my company, but she’s a fucking idiot.” –Rosstifer

“Jughaid needs to market his concoction as Cajun Blackened Fudge and sell it as an expensive delicacy in the big city. Those hipsters won’t catch on.” –Jackson’s Third Hole, Wyoming

“Maybe this isn’t meant to have the Christian God read into it. Yes, there’s a nun, but for cartoon characters the creator is the cartoonist. Why does he let bad things happen to them? Well, why do bad things happen to him? Why do other human beings abuse him so, with no escape? If his existence is suffering, wouldn’t it be less than honest to have his creations experience anything else? So this is probably another one of those comics complaining about how, you know, the coffee was cold or something.” –pachoo

“If Dawn does not put out, it may be I can hire this ‘Tart of the Moon,’ no?” –Peanut Gallery

“Look, it doesn’t matter what you do; whatever it is, Mark Trail can and will one-up you. Discussing desert flora and fauna, swimming, martial arts, looking into well-lit boxes; you do it, Mark will do it better and make you look like a chump.” –jroggs

“It’s fun to imagine that Dawn’s cravat is actually holding her severed head in place. ‘Fascinating,’ she says, reminding herself to run to the bathroom before they leave to check for blood runs.” –jeltranksss

“At least one of them is also into shirts. Were you ever into shirts, Maggot?” –Foodar

“Our Town? Really? Dick Tracy has given us a guy eaten alive by rats, another crushed by a steamroller, and a third cut in half by an airplane, and now we’re gonna get several weeks of ghosts talking about trees and very precise street addresses? [sigh] This comic used to mean something, man.” –els

“Not only can Snuffy Smiff read, he’s reading the classifieds? This is bullshit.” –Mysterious Shirtless Lawyer

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

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Folks! It’s time for your comment of the week!

“I don’t get why this particular homunculus model deteriorates so quickly. We’ve only gone through like three or four Dollys and Billys apiece since the 60s, but this’ll be like the 17th Jeffy we’ve had to replace. Ah well, get the amino acids in the vat, I’ll start making a wax mold.” –Dan

And your hilarious runners up, which are also funny!

“Humans make better clowns than animals because of our relatively hairless epidermis. Did you ever try to smear Clown White all over a furry snout? The results aren’t remotely laughable.” –Old Man Muffaroo

“Yeah, I had to walk to the trucks and carry the helium tanks and balloon boxes all the way to balloon station by myself, and that’s a long way to… wait, why are you arresting me? I didn’t say I blew them up by blowing into them myself! Look, there’s clearly someone hiding in the ticket booth! Ask him where the money went– Augh! Stop clubbing me, foxman! I’m not resisting arrest, I’m just sayi– Aauugh! Aaaauuugh! AAAUUUGGGHHH!” –jroggs

“Wow, it’s as if someone dared Rex Morgan, M.D. to introduce a character even more unlikeable than the main cast.” –Banana Jr. 6000

“Rex Morgan, M.D. is meditative these days. Yes, we can cure the illness of the individual body, but what is society if not the collective body? Fake news are memes, which reproduces just like viruses and genes — this is the origin of the term. Who will cure the social contagion? Who will save this sick organism?” –Ettorre

“Pepsi paid a lot of money to get Coke mentioned in this comic.” –The Dimensional Otter

“How many strips would be improved by having the title character gunned down on Monday? I call dibs on Luann.” –Rusty

“Shot through the heart/ And you’re to blame/ Bet this villain has/ An odd name” –JJ48

“You Americans and your 18-inch-wide diner tables! It’s a good thing you are on a diet, Dawn, there is no room to put any food for you here! Are you enjoying your 3-ounce Coca-Cola?” –Peanut Gallery

“The camera in panel one doesn’t appear to be point in Cliff’s direction. Did she see something more interesting? Given this is Funky Winkerbean, the odds are pretty good that the answer is ‘yes.’” –Pozzo

“You really missed the opportunity to say ‘sexercise‘? I’ve been waiting years for the chance to drop that ‘naturally’ into a conversation and it never comes up, and here you are, just flippantly ignoring the chance to be corny and vaguely pathetic. How dare you sir. What is the point of this blog if not that?” –toxic

“Isn’t Curtis like 12 or something? Shouldn’t he be communicating exclusively with emojis and Korean TikTok videos?” –pugfuggly

“Wardrobe, liquor, steaks, cigars … this would be a very expensive chimp to keep. Better to keep him naked and on a strict diet of generic Monkey Chow, no? Or make the little bastard get a job.” –Ukulele Ike

“I was going to go on a tirade about how chimps are vicious and have been known to forget their training and attack their owners once they reach puberty, but also how I was looking forward to the eventually mauling. But if that had happened, Cliff would obviously be disfigured in the present day. So I guess the chimp is just going to die of cancer. C’est la vie.” –The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE

“At least Jeffy’s body is really good at something — is what he’ll tell sports coaches, doctors and girlfriends when it turns out to be bad at far more important things.” –BigTed

“Damn, look at the care put into that artwork in Mark Trail. J.J.’s eyes, slightly rolling back in the sockets. His hand, just a moment before holding the gun, already relaxing as his body drops. His head, snapping back just so while his feet rise into the air. The only other time you see Mark Trail artwork with closely-observed detail like this is in the depictions of flora and fauna. But isn’t that what this is, after all? A weaker animal tried to make a dominance display, and the stronger animal had to demonstrate who’s really in charge.” –Thelonious_Nick

“Chekhov said, ‘If a gun hits the floor in the last panel on Thursday, you must have it picked up by one of the good guys on Friday, and then never mention it again.’ Did I remember that right?” –matt w

“You have to give Saline Galapagos credit: she’s committed to to her branding to the point of having palmistry and chakra posters up in her office even though she only treats clients over the phone.” –TheDiva

“‘I said, I don’t know, and then he pulled the trigger. Thank goodness it was just a prop gun! Zanzibar looked at the gun with a baffled expression for a second; then he threw it down and ran for the front door. I immediately gave chase. I couldn’t let him get away, for I had so many questions: Was he involved in Valerie Pond’s death? What did he mean by father? HOW THE HECK COULD HE EVEN TALK?! He made it out the front door, but I was hot on his heels. At the far edge of the lawn, he started to climb up a palm tree, but I was able to grab him by the leg, keeping him from climbing up more than six feet or so. He tried and he tried to shake me off, and I was using all my strength to try to pull him back down. No matter how much he struggled, I kept pulling his leg and pulling his leg… Just like I’m pulling yours now.’ –Excerpt from the documentary Why Documentary Makers Hate Cliff Anger” –Guy Lumbago

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

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The comment of the week: You want it, we’ve got it:

“Presumptuous of her to tell JJ he doesn’t want to hurt anyone. He had to spend a bunch of time with the inhumanly dull Mark Trail, who left him for dead in a flood. There is nothing JJ wants more than to pull that trigger.” –Conynaut

The runners up: Also hilarious!

“‘William Bellows Inkpot‘ may be the sorriest attempt at a funny name I’ve ever seen in the newspaper comic strip Funky Winkerbean.” –Rosstifer

“Well, judging from Dagwood’s ‘eat anything that can’t outrun me’ diet, his teeth are either made of an indestructible titanium alloy or they’re a graveyard of rotting stumps.” –Pozzo

“Say what you want about Mary Worth, but ‘Dawn shops at H&M‘ is as solidly believable a piece of characterization as any I’ve seen on the comics page.” –Dan

“Alternate caption: ‘You know you’re a senior plugger when you find out that the crossword puzzle you’ve been struggling with for three days is actually a Sudoku.’” –Guy Lumbago

“I was trying to figure out which military occupational specialty ‘envelope licker‘ falls under. Signal Corps seemed most obvious, maybe 25U Signal Support Systems Specialist. But if the envelopes are intended for the public, probably 46Q Public Affairs Specialist. But then I realized the horror of it all, Pvt. Zero’s disgusting saliva slathered over envelopes intended for enemy combatants, and it was clear – 74D Chemical, Biological, Radiological and Nuclear (CBRN) Specialist. Godspeed, Pvt. Zero and your horrific mouth flora. Godspeed.” –Voshkod

“There are days when this strip veers dangerously close to looking like the junior version of The Lockhorns, and you know what? I love it.” –pugfuggly

“‘Theft with a gun and insulting the Small Business Administration … those are crimes against God and man, JJ! Perhaps you’re not aware of that, living in the desert as you do.’ ‘How is insulting the SBA a crime?” ‘Obviously you’ve never read Leviticus. It’s my favorite.’ ‘How about leaving me to die after the flood?!’ ‘Leviticus.’” –Little Blue Bicycle

“Ah, Google Translate, the language of love!” –TheDiva

“Calling Butter Brinkel simply by less than his full name is a little off brand.” –Foodar

“And, hey, ladies, I have a possible title for your documentary: A Brinkel in Crime. You can use that! Just give me credit. Anyway, here’s another anecdote about me and Dashiell Hammett…” –Joe Blevins

“Somebody’s looking to make a fortune on a series of stories about a dystopian future — but somehow I think The Cow Sayer (Parts 1, 2 and 3) is no Hunger Games.” –BigTed

“Let’s all spare a thought for the Disney/Marvel marketing manager who had to sell her bosses on the idea of spending money on a product placement in Hi and Lois and then had to turn around and explain to the interns what a newspaper comic is.” –Francisco Arrowroot

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!