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The comment of the week: You want it, we’ve got it:

“Presumptuous of her to tell JJ he doesn’t want to hurt anyone. He had to spend a bunch of time with the inhumanly dull Mark Trail, who left him for dead in a flood. There is nothing JJ wants more than to pull that trigger.” –Conynaut

The runners up: Also hilarious!

“‘William Bellows Inkpot‘ may be the sorriest attempt at a funny name I’ve ever seen in the newspaper comic strip Funky Winkerbean.” –Rosstifer

“Well, judging from Dagwood’s ‘eat anything that can’t outrun me’ diet, his teeth are either made of an indestructible titanium alloy or they’re a graveyard of rotting stumps.” –Pozzo

“Say what you want about Mary Worth, but ‘Dawn shops at H&M‘ is as solidly believable a piece of characterization as any I’ve seen on the comics page.” –Dan

“Alternate caption: ‘You know you’re a senior plugger when you find out that the crossword puzzle you’ve been struggling with for three days is actually a Sudoku.’” –Guy Lumbago

“I was trying to figure out which military occupational specialty ‘envelope licker‘ falls under. Signal Corps seemed most obvious, maybe 25U Signal Support Systems Specialist. But if the envelopes are intended for the public, probably 46Q Public Affairs Specialist. But then I realized the horror of it all, Pvt. Zero’s disgusting saliva slathered over envelopes intended for enemy combatants, and it was clear – 74D Chemical, Biological, Radiological and Nuclear (CBRN) Specialist. Godspeed, Pvt. Zero and your horrific mouth flora. Godspeed.” –Voshkod

“There are days when this strip veers dangerously close to looking like the junior version of The Lockhorns, and you know what? I love it.” –pugfuggly

“‘Theft with a gun and insulting the Small Business Administration … those are crimes against God and man, JJ! Perhaps you’re not aware of that, living in the desert as you do.’ ‘How is insulting the SBA a crime?” ‘Obviously you’ve never read Leviticus. It’s my favorite.’ ‘How about leaving me to die after the flood?!’ ‘Leviticus.’” –Little Blue Bicycle

“Ah, Google Translate, the language of love!” –TheDiva

“Calling Butter Brinkel simply by less than his full name is a little off brand.” –Foodar

“And, hey, ladies, I have a possible title for your documentary: A Brinkel in Crime. You can use that! Just give me credit. Anyway, here’s another anecdote about me and Dashiell Hammett…” –Joe Blevins

“Somebody’s looking to make a fortune on a series of stories about a dystopian future — but somehow I think The Cow Sayer (Parts 1, 2 and 3) is no Hunger Games.” –BigTed

“Let’s all spare a thought for the Disney/Marvel marketing manager who had to sell her bosses on the idea of spending money on a product placement in Hi and Lois and then had to turn around and explain to the interns what a newspaper comic is.” –Francisco Arrowroot

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

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Folks, we’re still in the midst of a long holiday weekend here in the U.S., but I’m still plug(ger)ing away on my blog to bring you the comment … of the week!

“Henrietta Beak (not shown) is busy taking her company-paid holiday to celebrate the birth of our nation, like a true plugger patriot. Meanwhile, these lazy, self-entitled dog-men think they’re getting participation trophies for showing up when the job site is closed.” –Carsick Yankee

And also the hilarious runners up!

“‘I only wish my husband would not eat himself to the grave‘ is probably the most affectionate thing Martha has ever said in sixty years.” –Ettore

“Pluggers save their vacation for special occasions, like the opening of a new Golden Coral buffet and attending funerals of fellow pluggers.” –ZeroWolf

“What I find most interesting about this strip is that Alice attempts a punchline with ‘I think that’s why they call it working out.’ But it is so unfunny that Mrs. Wilson decides to just keep talking and pretend it didn’t happen. In the last panel, Dennis schools his mom by demonstrating that a quality Dennis the Menace punchline needs to be both a strained pun and a cheap shot at Mr. Wilson.” –Jenna

“Best part of Slylock Fox is the rage on Chief Mutt’s face as Wanda lies to him, and the downcast expressions of Slylock and Max, as they realize that yet again they will be called on to perjure themselves in the police brutality investigation.” –Rube

“I think the humans take it in turns to commit petty crimes like this so the Glorious Animal Regime’s top enforcer will spend all his time focusing on them and ignore the real work of the Resistance. Next week is Slick Smitty’s turn, and he’s got an ‘Authentic Antarctic Polar Bear Fur’ scam all lined up.” –TheDiva

“Yes, these hot dogs sure are a quintessential part of summer. Now let’s go to family court and try to win back custody of Trixie.” –Joe Blevins

“Ha, I like how Mary looks directly to the reader in that last panel. ‘I love filling for him while he’s away, just like you, my audience, loves it too. It’s so much nicer when we can just dispense with the plot and get straight to the raw, uncut advice, isn’t it?’” –pugfuggly

“I defected from the NBA. But it seems the Party’s tentacles reach even into Virginia. Now we need your help to throw them off my trail. We figure you’re the last person they’d associate with professional sports.” –Peanut Gallery

“I’m disappointed that the camera in Mary Worth is just going to linger on Charterstone and not on the drama in Mozambique, as the long-simmering civil war between RENAMO and FRELIMO finally comes to an end as the two sides unite in their hatred of Wilbur.” –Voshkod

“Sam just can’t wait to unload that kid. ‘Here, go play with…’ Abby gives him the evil eye and a quick shake of her head. ‘Sophie! Yeah, Sophie. She’s got to be around somewhere.’” –Col. Havoc

“Randy, no! Look, why don’t you take out your resentments by going back to work and throwing the book at a bunch of people for minor offenses? Lock them up for 10-20 years for shoplifting or whatever. Make them suffer like your dad is. Vicarious revenge can be a wonderful tonic.” –cheech wizard

“Today’s Judge Parker presents a real… SOPHIE’S CHOICE. Oh and I think her WASP dad is dying or got fired? IDK” –Irrischano

“Now, a clever bad guy would have let the three of them dig all the gold out of the mine, and then show up with the gun. Now he has to shoot them all and then do all that work. Gold is heavy.” –Ukulele Ike

“Sure, we all know that Pluggers, Slylock Fox, and probably Shoe are set after the Great Disaster from Kamandi: Last Boy on Earth, but for my money not enough is made of the fact Beetle Bailey is about a supposed US Army regiment that has zero contact with the greater military organisation, is never actually deployed anywhere, has a surprisingly small contingent with an oddly flattened rank structure (a general, a major, two lieutenants, two sergeants, one corporal, eight privates, and a handful of civilian staff), and is clearly home to one of Count Weirdly’s early experiments in ripping off Dr Moreau. The reason I bring this up today is because I notice Sarge’s flag only has five stripes, presumably symbolising the five regions of America (probably not actually entire states) which have not been conquered by the beastmen. Actually, Camp Swampy hasn’t heard from any of the others in a while, but you have to hope for the best, right?” –Horace Broon

Getting hit on the head with a greasy spatula on a regular basis might explain why his hair has always had that luxurious sheen.” –Where’s Rocky

“I’m pretty sure Gil not asking for details has less to do with his penis, and more to do with him not giving a shit.” –Rosstifer

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

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Folks: There comes a time in every book’s time in this world when it hits the discount phase of its life cycle. For The Enthusiast, the novel I Kickstarted and published a few years ago, that time is now.

If you somehow haven’t already purchased this delightful tome, you can now get both hardcover and paperback versions at half price ($12.50 and $7.50, respectively)! This deal is exclusive to my storefront on Topatoco — in fact, this storefront is the ONLY place you can get the hardcover version.

The novel is about soap opera comic strips, subways, online communities, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy. I really enjoyed writing this book and am proud of how it came out and would love to get it into more hands. Check it out! And if you’ve already read and enjoyed the book, feel free to chime in in the comments about how much you liked it!