Post Content

Greetings, all! As is traditional on the first Friday of every month, I must urge you to come to my live show, The Internet Read Aloud, in Los Angeles! It has a great lineup and will be extremely funny! Here is the Facebook event!

Also, as is traditional on every Friday, I must urge you to enjoy the comment of the week!

“Once, when someone moved back to Westview, it was a result of them failing miserably in their work or love life, not their success! I remember when this strip stood for something!” –Ettore

The runners up: also to be enjoyed!

“‘Wilbur, any time you need to talk, I’m available.’ ‘Uh … what was I just doing?’” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, beloved idol of a million other women

“After a whole week of this scene, the only thing that makes it bearable is imagining Wilbur as a furry, wearing an enormous lemming costume.” –seismic-2

“You both have careers. Seriously, you can afford a fucking end table.” –nescio

“Daisy looks alarmed in that last panel. ‘Uh-oh, the jig is up!’ she seems to be thinking. ‘They’ve reached meta-awareness of their comedic-dramatic character arcs, and now my planet is going to have to re-stock its human zoo!’” –BigTed

“Maybe it’s just my coastal elitism, but I have an easier time suspending my disbelief for a lasagna-loving anthropomorphic cat or a dog that longs to fight in a war 100 years ago than I do for believing that there is anyone listening to high school sports on the radio to report Marty Moon for two FCC violations.” –Dread

“Why does he need a haircut? You know they say your hair and toenails keep growing after you die. Quit scaring the boy! Also there’s a chance his problem is some form of untreatable cancer, but quit scaring him! And even though it seems like he’s young and relatively healthy with a full life ahead of him you never know when the icy hand of death is going to reach out and grab you. As T.S. Eliot said, ‘And I have seen the eternal Footman hold my coat, and snicker.’ But quit scaring the boy with all your talk about his great-great grandfather who, now that I’ve done the math, must have died tragically young.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“In the context of architecture ‘looming spectre’ is usually used metaphorically but in today’s Mary Worth the silent streets are haunted by the pale ghost of Florence’s Duomo. I don’t know what kind of unfinished business causes major tourist attractions to rise from the dead but knowing Mary Worth it’s boring.” –Escape Zeppelin

“Meanwhile, Wilbur has dinner while staring at a glossy print of his favorite shampoo ad. Why didn’t that shower lady ever respond to his letters?” –pugfuggly

“Don’t be so smug, Pirate Teen. Sure, YouTube may be more open to swearing than small-town radio, but it’s surely only a matter of time before the TEEN YOUTUBERS APOLOGISE FOR RACIST SUICIDE-FOREST TASER PRANK headlines arrive.” –Schroduck

“After some serious soul-searching about what, exactly, it is about himself that could be such a turn-off to women, Wilbur decides it might be that moldy smell emanating from his body and clothes. He’s noticed it himself, sometimes, and suddenly he remembers something that could solve the problem. Also, he smiles, hanging that scented ‘Fresh ‘n’ Frisky’ dehumidifier disk inside his pants might help enhance his junk.” –Charterstoned

“Ah! There it is. Dawn’s mini-Roomba. It still has the tail she glued on it when she mistook it for a tailless mouse. Ah, that reminds just how stupid Dawn is. Welp, get to it, little vacuum. Those crumbs aren’t getting out my chest hair on their own.” –Voshkod

“Ah, yes, Dawn’s favorite Object. We both love Object.” –Noel

“My take is that Wilbur is holding it upside down and it’s not something that hangs, but is a hanger itself — a big suction cup with a hook on it. Dawn and Wilbur suction it to one of their large ocean-view windows, put on handcuffs and hang by the handcuff chain totally naked for all to see. If that isn’t the definition of a mood-helper I don’t know what is.” –The Mighty Captain E

“It’s not fair, Mom! Look, I’m even casting a distinct and dark shadow from an angle that wouldn’t be possible for multiple reasons if you were a normal human being like me. How come I have to die in a few measly decades and you get to be a timeless being of pure light?” –jroggs

“[sips coffee, leans forward and folds arms thoughtfully] You know, my grandma said I don’t have a worry in the world. Should I? Welcome to Jeffy’s Musings, a weekly feature here on–[audience immediately riots]” –Dan

“Everyone in Milford is obsessed with sports. Gil is pretty much a dick to all of his students, and Marty is the only one who calls him out on it. My theory is Marty is super popular at this bar because the patrons are either Gil’s ex-players or parents of players who all have an axe to grind with the Thorps, who it should be noted have no friends in town outside of Gil’s subordinate. No wonder Gil doesn’t want to meet there.” –Drew Funk

“Every time I see Mopey Pete, my mind is flooded with questions: Demetri Martin? Walter Matthau? Mike Dukakis? All of them, somehow?” –Joe Blevins

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon! And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• Dan the Snowman: A comedy action adventure webcomic about that weird, weird life. Dan the Snowman follows the adventures of the eponymous hero, his BFF Joebot the Robot, and all the friends, enemies, talking dogs, and robots wearing people clothes they meet in Badspace, a strange universe filled with all sorts of folks. You should read it before it gets big, then won’t you be Johnny Hipface. It updates every Wednesday!
• Fiends of the Hub: Boston is under siege. Hungry, vicious, and wild, these vampires want only to feed. Can they be stopped before they destroy it all?

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

Post Content

You know the drill by now, everyone: next Friday is the first Friday of the month, so it’s time to add the Internet Read Aloud to your Los Angeles to-do list:

Also you should add “enjoy the comment of the week” to your calendar as well:

“Do you know what craftsmanship is? What pride in your work is? It is meticulously drawing the blackheads that pock an old man’s nose. The liver spots that mar his forehead. That is truth. That is art. That is Crankshaft, a true labor of loathe.” –Voshkod

The runners up? Also worth fitting into your schedule:

“‘Lookout Point?’ says Wilbur quietly, his eyes shifting. ‘Are you going to kill me, Mary? Or is this pity sex?’ Mary’s grip on the wheel tightens as her eyes stay fixed on the road. ‘Honestly, Wilbur, I haven’t decided.’” –lorne

“We’ve suspected it for weeks, and today’s inspirational quote confirms it: Wilbur is going to cope with his loneliness by following Dawn to Europe and headbutting the first Italian he sees.” –jroggs

“When Mary says ‘We all make mistakes,’ she realizes hers was letting him in her car.” –Maltmash3r

“Jesus, guys, you’re supposed to say the promo code. We talked about this.” –Joe Blevins

“The numbers are now in, and this one hideous ‘cartoon’ has negated over 7,500 cute puppy photos on Facebook alone.” –Mark Taylor, on Facebook

“Generally when adults stumbling up on each other watching porn, we have the decency to quickly turn away and pretend it never happened. Treating Crankshaft like a child somehow made me feel sympathy for him. And that I can never forgive.” –Alan

“I wish I could read any of the words in this strip at all, but my eyes are just transfixed on the angle that chair reclines and the width of the headrest. Is that was first class is like? I don’t care what he’s done in the past, I am firmly on Team Nomad from here on out.” –pugfuggly

“I’m charmed by how Milford is so unswervingly polite that the worst insult a pirate radio heckler station can come up with is ‘We don’t like you, Marty Moon!’ In a town where everyone is on full-name basis with everyone, this is truly the height of disrespect. No wonder Marty Moon has a drinking problem so often, if he has to live with a world where his rivals don’t like him.” –Enlong

“How are you doing? Life still in shambles?” –TheDiva

“‘Try the mirror.’ What a Shyamalan twist! Mr. Wilson was the glasses all along!” –Ettore

“Does whatever a spider can! Like being gently guided away from danger by middle-aged editors. If only JJJ had a glass and piece of cardstock.” –Janna L., on Twitter

“Are you trying to get yourself killed, man? Because if you are, I’m totally into that! Talk about SPLOOSH! Dead Spider-Man = clean-up, aisle Jameson!” –els

“The only probable cause Tracy needs to knock a confession out of someone is that they refuse to wear a colorful hat.” –BigTed

“Funky Winkerbean: where even the pizza looks like it’s about to commit suicide.” –The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE

“Wow. They can text restraining orders now?” –But What Do I Know?

“The only reason anyone would send a nude pic in the Funkyverse is to provide evidence of their melanoma diagnosis.” –nescio

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon! And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• Dan the Snowman: A comedy action adventure webcomic about that weird, weird life. Dan the Snowman follows the adventures of the eponymous hero, his BFF Joebot the Robot, and all the friends, enemies, talking dogs, and robots wearing people clothes they meet in Badspace, a strange universe filled with all sorts of folks. You should read it before it gets big, then won’t you be Johnny Hipface. It updates every Wednesday!
• Fiends of the Hub: Boston is under siege. Hungry, vicious, and wild, these vampires want only to feed. Can they be stopped before they destroy it all?

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

Post Content

This week’s funniest comment? HERE YA GO:

“‘When you develop a ship, you develop a shipwreck.’ What a charming little regional chestnut. The Funkyverse patois has many similar idioms, but most of them can’t be pronounced correctly unless you have a gun barrel in your mouth.” –jroggs

And the runners up? WE GOT THEM TOO!

“The fact that Thirsty is spending the day after St. Patrick’s Day without an IV drip in his arm suggests that he isn’t doing that badly, if you ask me.” –BigTed

“Hi looks out the window and sees his neighbor lying motionless outside in a non-padded Adirondack chair on his scorched and withered yard as the temperature hovers just above freezing. Is he sighing wistfully because Thirsty is dead and Hi has plans for how to annex his property, or does he hope that someday soon he too will know the cold embrace of death by exposure?” –JJ48

“As Trixie crawls around outside, she is being exposed to a diverse microherd that is challenging her immune system, which will make her immune system stronger and probably give her better health as she grows up. Or, very tiny chance here, kill her. Good either way.” –Poteet

“Dennis, find a new hiding spot for your weed.” –lumaca morente

“Putting a desk in front of a commode is Wilbur’s greatest achievement.” –Kevin on Earth

“J. Jonah Jameson is stuck in middle of the worst ‘not talking to you’ situation ever. ‘Sorry, Banner, but Hulk doesn’t even want to hear your name.’ ‘WELL YOU TELL HIM I DON’T WANT TO HEAR HIS NAME EITHER!’ [sighing, JJJ settles in for Banner to Hulk out so he can pass the message along]” –Dragon of Life

“Are pythons actually all that hard to fight off? They’re non-venomous, and they don’t crush like boa constrictors. Like, they’re still wild animals, you don’t wanna screw with them, but I’m pretty sure I could fight off one python, like if the shit really went down and I had to, and I’ve never been bitten by anything radioactive in my life. Does that mean I could conceivably beat up Spider-Man? Am I on a scale with such powerhouses as [checks notes] …a falling brick?” –Dan

“It’s incredibly hard to tell the difference between today’s Phantom and any given Judge Parker recently. Mike Manley is just drawn to strips about rich rugged men with ultra-sober haircuts wearily discussing warlords and third-world black-ops missions with women half their age, I guess.” –Schroduck

“I hope she’s really awful at this. ‘Let’s see, someone close to people I know, but I’ve never met … is it Albert who works at the dry cleaner’s? It’s not you, is it? No, no, I’ve met you. How about … that guy who stocks the milk at Whole Foods? Is that The Nomad?’” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“It’s a bit late in the season for the traditional Lenten appeal, but I guess if Dick Tracy wants to end the week with a savage bit of product placement for McDonald’s Filet-o-Fish, that’s okay too.” –pastordan

“So is that 72-point font ALL-CAPS message without any other information really an e-mail, or is this Wilbur’s computer gaining sentience and trying to communicate with him? ‘WHY AM I ALONE IN MY LIFE? WHAT IS MY PURPOSE, WENDY? PLEASE, NO MORE SANDWICH ART FORUMS! I CAN FEEL PAIN!’” –pugfuggly

“That was some mighty fine shootin’ there! Most folks wouldn’t have thought you could hit the largest land animal from less than the length of its trunk, but you certainly nailed it!” –Hogenmogen

“What is wrong with that computer?!? Is Wilbur Weston somehow running ‘Magic 8-Ball’ as his operating system?” –Stupid Philosopher, on Twitter

“Sure, Lois is relieved in panel two, but wait until the twins start explaining to her the meaning of ‘fursona.’” –Ettorre

“Don’t scare Lois like that. One of her ancestors in Hagar barely escaped the bubonic plague, so she’s always on alert for a recurrence.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“I’m going to assume Ashley’s personal trainer dissolves into muscles which then get implanted onto Ashley as he takes on her unhealthy body weight in exchange, and I’m going to write a script for a new body horror franchise based on these ideas from the Six Chixverse.” –Drew Funk

“For those unaware, ‘Zzzz‘ is a comics convention used to indicate gas escaping a putrefying corpse.” –Steve S

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• Dan the Snowman: A comedy action adventure webcomic about that weird, weird life. Dan the Snowman follows the adventures of the eponymous hero, his BFF Joebot the Robot, and all the friends, enemies, talking dogs, and robots wearing people clothes they meet in Badspace, a strange universe filled with all sorts of folks. You should read it before it gets big, then won’t you be Johnny Hipface. It updates every Wednesday!
• Bob the Fish: A site full of humorous and insightful videos on British television, mostly the forgotten bits around the edges. Most prominently the fortnightly commercial breakdown “The Hard Sell”, wherein our proprietor take a product or service at random and then point and laugh at the ways it’s been sold to us (or just go through an old commercial break cracking knob gags). Plus: documentaries about ITV and the dawn of satellite television! Also: There’s a Patreon!
• The Nameless Series: A trilogy of books about people falling in love while being chased by ghosts, attacked by monsters, and haunted by their own pasts. Read the story of how two crazy kids meet, feed blood to a ghost, fend off a slavering nightmare monster, and fall in love. And that’s only their first date
• Fiends of the Hub: Boston is under siege. Hungry, vicious, and wild, these vampires want only to feed. Can they be stopped before they destroy it all?
• Weapon Brown: Aftershock: Jason Yungbluth’s blockbusting Weapon Brown graphic novel busted so many blocks that it sold out! Help get it back into print by supporting the Weapon Brown: Aftershock Kickstarter! Weapon Brown is an epic, Mad Max-style tale of the apocalypse that has a twist guaranteed to appeal to fans of The Comics Curmudgeon: every character is based on a famous hero of the comics page! Charlie Brown, Popeye, Calvin and Hobbes, Orphan Annie and dozens more of the most famous faces in comic strip history all receive black eyes in this hard-hittin’ parody that never pulls its punches! And what’s more, if this drive succeeds it will pave the way for a new Weapon Brown comic book, Aftershock, a 48-page epilogue to the massive graphic novel that will tell three new tales of Chuck, the round headed son-of-a-bitch, and his faithful mutt Snoop! Learn more!

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!