Archive: metaposts

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Hey y’all! If you’re in LA, you’ll get a special chance to see me in a show that’s not my show, for once! There’s improv and character bits, and I’m doing my most beloved (i.e. only) character bit: GARY THE EMOTIONALLY FRAGILE SUBSTITUTE YOGA INSTRUCTOR!!

Gary’s not good at yoga but he tries real hard and if you came to his drop-in class at the Pack Theater next Tuesday, 11/21, from 8:30 to 9 pm, he’d appreciate it. It’s pay what you can! (For this running bit I’m doing, imagine that the yoga class is pay what you can, but in real life the Pack Theater is also pay what you can, so that last sentence is doing double duty.) Here’s the Facebook event with more information!

Oh, but, also, I am of course doing my own show, The Internet Read Aloud, on 12/1, but Thanksgiving is coming up and you need to plan NOW. Here’s the Facebook event for THAT! Doooo it!

And, finally, what you’ve all been waiting for: the comment of the week.

“Say, honey, I know you make all the money in the family now and I haven’t worked in months, but I think once we get to Miami we should skip the Uber and take a chauffeured limousine instead. I would hate for the guy who may or may not be a grotesque supervillain to see us looking less than fancy when he either greets us warmly or tries to kill us.” –BigTed

Oh but you’ve also been waiting for the runners up, which are as always hilarious!

“Is Walt still alive? Or is this strip showing us his personal hell?” –Tom T.

That mailman has exceeded the OSHA-mandated Maximum Chin Limit by quite some way.” –Hergen

“Maybe it’s just me, but I find the throwaway panel in which Dennis imagines murdering Mr. Wilson in what the old man erroneously thinks is just cosplay pretty menacing.” –Alan

“Of course, what Dolly doesn’t know is that God keeps track of all of our sins on an unsecured database hosted by Amazon Web Services. Sure, it’s in ‘the cloud,’ but the moment Lucifer figures out the right URL, we are all screwed, and He can launch his DDOS attack on Heaven itself.” –Voshkod

“Snuffy and Barlow had a violent argument about who was allowed to wear that outfit. ‘THE HAT IS DIFFERENT!’ ‘IT’S NOT DIFFERENT ENOUGH!!!!’” –Joe Blevins

“Before the Lisa’s Legacy auction begins, I need to visit the Lisa’s Legacy bathroom. My Lisa’s Legacy breakfast isn’t sitting well, especially the undercooked Lisa’s Legacy bacon. I’d better bring an extra roll of Lisa’s Legacy toilet paper with me, just in case. See you in a few Lisa’s Legacy minutes!” –AhClem

“That’s a noble sentiment you’re trying to convey to your husband, April, but before you get into the messy details I think you should review the concept of empathy himself for him. ‘Do I think about the people I put in prison and what it does to them… Wait, do those people continue to exist after I stop thinking about them? Oh god, that’s horrible…'” –pugfuggly

“That’s bad mitten to you, Jeffy. Talk about blowing your teed-up adorable malapropism.” –Spiffy

“Batuik continues working towards his masterplan: eventually all the characters will be dead from cancer, and yet the strip will keep featuring them and never end.” –Horace Broon

Cacti are not native to north Africa so it’s a bit surprising that A) there are any B) the locals aren’t more interested and C) they’re a a weird shade of neon brown. Get your act together, Crock. Mark Trail would be all over this shit.” –Escape Zeppelin

“The fact that there are four Ys, four Es, four As, four Us, four Gs, but only three Hs in ‘YYYYEEEEAAAAUUUUGGGGHHH!’ indicates that the poor fucker is dead at the end of this episode.” –Mysterious Shirtless Lawyer

“Hmm, Josh thinks that Corbin comes from the French, when I saw that name in the comic, even before reading Josh’s spiel, I wondered if that was a Semitic name coming from Korban, which means dedicated (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Korban), and since Jesus’ time it had a negative connotation to it: the pharisees couldn’t support their elderly parents because all of their money was already dedicated to the temple, ‘Sorry mom and dad I’d like to put you in a nice nursing home, but I already dedicated that money to the temple.’ So I thought Family Circus was going to take a real dark turn, where Billy neglects his parents out of revenge for a bad meal served 40 years earlier. Revenge is a dish best served cold. Corbin indeed.” –CowKing

“Say what you will about him, it’s nice that Dagwood is warning his coworkers of his psychotic break and how much time they have left before he kills and devours them to satisfy the Void within.” –Dread

“Yeah, I read that as, ‘I’m gonna poop!’” –Pozzo

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. If you would like to buy advertising on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get a text shoutout in these posts, get the details on my BuySellAds page.

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This week’s top comment: it’s here!

“‘That phase of his life is behind him, honey! He wants to be remembered for his art, not his mutation. You have to separate the work from the lizard. Why you gotta bring up old stuff.’ This was a well-timed plot, Spider-Man. Good job, thumb on the pulse.” –Dan

The runners-up: they’re also hilarious!

“Ha ha, it’s funny because even after three pretty clear clues, Dagwood still can’t figure out that it’s Daylight Savings, an event that has happened twice a year his entire life! That’s so … troubling, actually? Is his brain getting clogged up with bologna or something?” –pugfuggly

“Hello? Spidey Sense Consumer Hotline? Yes, I have some complaints.” –Joe Blevins

“Humans might be low in the social hierarchy, but nothing has changed for fish after the Animapocalypse. The new masters still need an underclass, it’s the cycle of revolution.” –Ettore

“The dog didn’t need color vision, or even smell, to identify the red ones. He just licked all of them. Because he’s a dog! Enjoy the rest of your jelly beans, Young Jeffrey.” –Peanut Gallery

“Look at all that white snow. I have never been so grateful for a colorist’s mistake.” –matt w

“I’m looking forward to the future Mary Worth where Iris and Zak meet up with Wilbur and Fabiana for a cordial, awkward dinner. I give it an hour and no more than 2 glasses of wine before the young hotties have locked themselves into the bathroom. Iris and Wilbur will have no recourse but to weep, listen to their exuberant lovemaking, and glumly masturbate.” –stepped pyramids

“You see, if he HAD changed the clocks, the time in the cartoon would be 1:43. 143 is the sum of seven consecutive primes (11 + 13 + 17 + 19 + 23 + 29 + 31). That, plus the fact that the person on the right is carrying a basket of laundry should make the hilarious subtext obvious. I mean, it’s all right there!” –grsblvnyk

“That stereotypical cowboy in Mark Trail looks devastated by his gun’s betrayal. He might walk in on his wife and his best friend in bed; his dog might turn on him; his horse might go lame; all these things he could accept with the quiet stoicism we expect from the stereotypical cowboy. But when a man’s gun up and stabs him in the back like that, well, that’s just too much. Unless there’s a bayonet involved. Then you expect a stabbing.” –Voshkod

“Obviously Mark Trail is trying to appeal to the millennials with that ‘glitch’ noise because the gun was created with a 3D printer. That’s what the kids do nowadays, right? Make things with 3D printers?” –tb4000

“When Iris asks, ‘Isn’t it kind of late for coffee?’, she is being sincerely curious. She’s dumb. But when Zak replies, ‘It’s never too late for coffee’, he really is talking about coffee because if Iris throws down the stupid, Zak rolls with it. They’re perfect for each other.” –Gabacho

“The PR guy gets into a taxi. Peter waves to an empty limo. Mary Jane is sick of the crowds on an otherwise deserted street. Next thing ya know, that phase of Dr. Connors’ life will be shown NOT to be behind him after all! Lies! It’s all LIES!” –Hogenmogen

“Zak leads an uncertain Iris into his apartment, closes the door, and turns the lights on, low. Smiling, he pulls not one, but two small foil packets out of his pants pocket, and murmurs into Iris’ ear, ‘Don’t worry, I come prepared!’ and with one quick motion rips open both single-cup servings of Sanka.” –Charterstoned

Dear Diary: Today, I’m finally going to convince Beetle to walk out into the void. If he makes it through the endless nothingness, maybe he can warn the government about General Halftrack’s cloning experiments. Beetle may be our only hope of stopping him.” –Super Luigi 64

Dear Diary: Next week I’m going to be walking with Beetle and Blips will remark that I always write about things that happen a week in advance. That’s it. That’s the extent of my powers. I can predict the future with 100% accuracy but I can’t alter it in any way. It’s a curse. Oh well!” –made of wince

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. If you would like to buy advertising on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get a text shoutout in these posts, get the details on my BuySellAds page.

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HEY Y’ALL, if you’re in Los Angeles tonight, you should come to my cool-as-heck Internet-based comedy show at 8 pm at the Clubhouse in Los Feliz! There’s a MONEY-BACK GUARANTEE you will enjoy every last second (note: show is free to attend).

Here’s the Facebook event, which includes information on where and when the show is, even though I just told you those details above!

Anyway, for those of you stuck at home, you should enjoy this comment of the week instead of the live comedy stylings of me and my friends!

“To write their dialogue, both Snuffy Smith and Gasoline Alley deploy a form of AI called a ‘Reural Network’ which has come closer and closer over time to generating recognizably rustic human language. It’s mule-powered, I’m told.” –James Dowd, on Facebook

The runners up: also extremely funny!

“Just wait until Zak puts on a pair of glasses.” –Liam

“You can tell Iris has been prepping to hang out with younger folks, because she just broke out, ‘I know, right?’” –Pozzo

“In a strip rich with fun details (I personally like the fact that there’s not one, but two bald guys in the same phone line, giving me a chance to quote Rodney Dangerfield: ‘Heh, why don’t you two put your heads together and make an ass of yourselves?’), the best is the fact that the henchman feels he has to cover his mouth when bringing The Rat’s Ex-Partner in Crime news of what some guy in prison said. Maybe he’s afraid that the bikini-ed gun moll on the next lounge chair might be a rat herself. If so, he might want to stop her from taking pictures all over the place.” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“The Rolling Stones trademark tongue is finally showing its age.” –made of wince

“April is hardening herself for the rigors of prison life by staring at that photograph of her ugly baby as long as she can every day. She made it to 90 seconds today — a new record! Compared to that, the sight of someone bleeding out on the cafeteria line because you wanted their fruit cup is easy.” –stepped pyramids

“Snuffy’s look of delight has nothing to do with how cute Tater is or amusement of seeing a baby dressed up like him, but has everything to do with the fact that now he has an alibi for anything he wants.” –K. Ivan Ruppert

“Listen, you poor pathetic child, you think Luann is the most exciting person in your life, so you are in no position to diss Kansas.” –Poteet [FUN FACT FROM JOSH: I stopped reading Luann several years ago and it has been incredibly freeing, so I have no clue about this context for this, but it made me laugh like a hyena]

“Ha ha, get it? Sometimes marriages end because of untimely death, and other times because of divorce! One way or another, you’re probably going to die alone, miserable, and probably bald.” –pugfuggly

“So, Walker’s Table is the famous cannibal smorgasbord restaurant? Who’s on Walker’s Table? Well, today we have squatters, sautéed with capers and lemon; hippies, marinated in patchouli and their own filth; spicy revolutionary croquettes; artistic-type sausages (no, don’t ask which types, or which parts, we use); all white bean militia chili; prepper-pepper-poppers; trekkie pate; tiny-house gingerbread people; slow-smoked off-gridders, and a salad of greens.” –Voshkod

“The people behind this guy in line are right to stare. He’s gonna be on the news. Soon. And not for anything good. ‘Authorities say the suspect’s home was wallpapered with pages from the works of local author and teacher Les Moore. Certain passages from these books were circled in lipstick. As a precaution, Moore has also been apprehended and is undergoing extensive questioning.’” –Joe Blevins

“It is an emergency situation. Every second is important. I must avoid all contractions and speak each word with its full value.” –grsblvnyk

“‘Do you know what you want?’ Zak says looking at the Entrees menu, meaning he is asking about food. ‘Yes,’ Iris says, looking at the dessert menu, meaning she is already picturing licking hot fudge off of her lover’s abs. It’s the little details that make the difference, people.” –Dread

“Sneaky Uncle was up all night greasing the football field; thank goodness it paid off.” –Ukulele Ike

“Maybe he wants liquor because the storyline shattered his fourth wall and now he’s aware of how infinitesimally tiny and irrelevant he really is, even in the infinitesimally tiny and irrelevant real world. Not only a fictional character but a fictional character no-one cares about, in a newspaper comic no-one cares about, that only runs for three panels a day anyway, in a handful of papers in a single nation of an unremarkable planet circling a third-rate sun, one of hundreds of billions of stars making up a downright average galaxy spinning alone with trillions of others for no apparent reason through the nonsensical blackness of creation. I’d want liquor.” –Applemask

“Why worry about it? You’re a chicken, so what counts is your own expiration date stamp.” –seismic-2

“Pluggers prefer past food to fast food.” –Dood

“They’re just codenames. Zakik’s Game: a Bitcoin-powered ransomware virus that devastated the economy of Eastern Europe. Zakik’s Studio: The FSB cell that recruited/blackmailed him to re-code it and take down the California power grid (hence the darkness).” –Schroduck

“You know what? I hope that this Zak thing is for real, he’s actually got it together now, and the game continues to be successful, and he can keep taking Iris to restaurants with valet parking (the height of luxury!). I hope they rekindle their romance and it blossoms into a thriving, long-term May-December romance for the ages. That will make Wilbur’s eventual 2-year laborious, back-breaking journey (as a hiker/stowaway/indentured servant/pirate captive) back from paradise after all his money/kidneys were stolen and he was left for dead in an abandoned dance studio that much sweeter. That’s right, I’m shipping Zak and Iris, who by any other metric would be a stupid/boring couple. I call it the Wilbur Effect.” –The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE

“You see Iris, the kids these days want you to ‘hit them up on Kik.’ Hang on, this pamphlet, ‘So You’re Banging a Millennial,’ might help.” –Dan

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. If you would like to buy advertising on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get a text shoutout in these posts, get the details on my BuySellAds page.

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