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LOS ANGELES PEOPLE! Come to The Clubhouse in Los Feliz tonight to enjoy the live comedy show I produce and perform in, The Internet Read Aloud! You will in no way regret it! Here’s the Facebook event.

ALL PEOPLE EVERYWHERE! Please enjoy your comment of the week!

“Once a plugger forms a mental image of Miss Kitty nude, nothing else will satisfy his carnal needs.” –Left Nut

Please also enjoy your hilarious runners up!

“I call bullshit. No way does that family have books that thick.” –Ruth McIlhenny, on Facebook

“Yeah, I don’t blame you for not wanting to go back to your house. It’s a dump compared this palace I’ve got here. We have horses, Rand, actual goddamned horses. What’ve you got? A CRT television and a pile of decapitated teddy bears? Sad. Anyway, you were saying something about your … wife, I think it was? Continue.” –Joe Blevins

“Actually, if Wilbur’s finding love in Colombia, then I can only hope this means he’s wandered into one of Gabriel García Márquez’s magical realist masterpieces. Fingers crossed he either indulges in a series of surreal and deeply taboo sexual trysts that metaphorically symbolize neo-colonialism in South America, or gets cholera.” –Schroduck

“Iris reminds me of what it was like to be young and in love, when I was so nervous about calling my special someone on the phone that I, too, would bite chunks out of a cylinder of frozen concentrated orange juice to calm myself.” –DaveInPgh

“Today’s strip would actually be funny if it turned out it’s taking place when Marvin is, say, 15.” –BigTed

“Thank goodness they skipped all the boring stuff where Wilbur went to an exotic foreign location, met a fascinating person, and fell in love with her. All we want to see is him breaking the news to Iris over Skype.” –Peanut Gallery

“You’re right, I’m deteriorating quickly! Good thing I brought an army of goons. It will ease my passing to watch them tear your limbs off and consume them in front of you as you lay screaming. ” –Hogen the Mogen

“I think writing the promotional banner in Lisa’s own blood (which Les keeps in a jar on his mantel) is a little over the top.” –Tom the Sailor Man

“So, anyway, this is the first yard work Leroy’s done in months, so the threesome’s going to have to wait.” –RogerBW

“Good ol’ South Nakota U.” –Theresa C., on Twitter

“‘Did you wash your hands before dinner, Ditto?’ ‘Yes, and I can prove it. [Empties white bag full of severed hands on the dinner table.] See, mother! See how all my hands glisten as if covered in the morning dew? I spent hours washing them, cleaning gently under the fingernails, just so you could see how clean my hands are! At least, those hands. These hands, these accursed hands at the ends of my arms, are so soiled with brutality that they’ll never come clean. [Scene from Quentin Tarantino’s MacDitto]’” –Voshkod

“The bald guy is taking this whole thing pretty hard. I think we are actually seeing a superhero origin story unfold. Soon, he will become ‘The Authenticator’ and dedicate his life to stopping counterfeiters. By ‘soon,’ I mean August 2019.” –Drew Funk

“‘What sort of person would try to cheat folks by selling forgeries, anyhow?’ Oh, oh, I know this one! The answer’s ‘forgers’, right? Pick me, teacher, pick me!” –Just John

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon! And as ever, we must give thanks to our advertisers:

• Two Party Opera: A daily comic that features the Presidents of the United States as they live on the stage of history with the day-to-day news of political mudslinging.
• Oh hey, and don’t forget, I wrote a book! You can get it in hardcover, paperback or ebook forms. It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy.

If you would like to buy advertising on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get a text shoutout in these posts, get the details on my BuySellAds page.

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GUYS, I have to apologize, I know I have been behind on contacting people who gave to the fundraiser to thank them and get them their tote bag — it’s been a week, lemme tell you. You are all lovely, patient people, and I’ll be in touch next week, I promise!

Meanwhile, it’s that time of the month again, that time being a week before the first Friday of next month, and that means I get to remind you that my live LA comedy show, The Internet Read Aloud, is happening next week, and it’s gonna be hilarious!

Check out the Facebook event, if you know what’s good for you!

What’s good for everyone, of course, is the comment of the week:

“CARROT MUFFINS: NOT EVEN ONCE” –Windier E. Megatons, on Twitter

The runners up? Also truly great!

“Hell is dealing with Mary Worth while hungover.” –Jon Bennett, on Facebook

“The dog man of Pluggers must to go to dangerous lengths to find a portion of the utility pole that hasn’t been scent-marked by his fellows.” –Naked Bunny with a Whip

“I don’t think Crankshaft will find it that hard to choose a side. ‘Hey, kids! Let me drive you to school in my Taxi Scab!’” –Peanut Gallery

“So is Snuffy listing the various indicators of canine unhealth just for kicks, or is he building up to ‘…so what I’m sayin’ is, nobody would miss that dog an’ I ain’t been able to steal a chicken fer weeks.’” –Ekudamram

“[black and white images of Cookie moving through a parade crowd] What it all comes down to / Is that everything is going to be quite alright / ‘Cause I’ve got pork chops in my pocket / And shoulder hair that smells like cigarettes” –Dan

“Sure, Spidey, tell the woman who was saving your life for a few weeks to ‘Stay put’ while you go grab the guy who is cleverly managing to use the monster’s strength to break his chains. Looking forward to see how you take all the credit!” –matt w

“How is Honeymoon (really? Honeymoon?) going to be a cop when she appears to be a walking EMP generator. Every time her stupid antenna spark, she’ll kill radio comms. ‘This is Unit 10… [squelch] we have two… [squeal] with heavy weap… [crackle] at the [static] … up now!’ Of course, on the plus side, she’s her own taser.” –Voshkod

“The kid has a human on his leash, doesn’t he?” –nescio

“Social status in Hootin’ Holler is based on the quality of the trash your children play with.” –TheDiva

“Blondie has offered the daily sacrifice to Dagwood’s appetite. Will she be back before he finishes it and devours their children to satisfy the dark, cold void within him? Tune in Monday to find out!” –Dread

“‘I will come home to you and Charlotte,’ she says menacingly.” –Left Nut

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon! And as ever, we must give thanks to our advertisers:

• Two Party Opera: A daily comic that features the Presidents of the United States as they live on the stage of history with the day-to-day news of political mudslinging.
• Oh hey, and don’t forget, I wrote a book! You can get it in hardcover, paperback or ebook forms. It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy.

If you would like to buy advertising on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get a text shoutout in these posts, get the details on my BuySellAds page.

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Hey y’all! Josh here reporting in from beyond the grave vacation to tell you that Uncle Lumpy loves you all too much to favor one commenter over another, so there’s no COTW this week. But I still wanted to remind the Los Angeles-adjacent among you that you should come see me in Chats on Cats, a live late-night talk show all about cats, tomorrow at 10:30 pm at UCB Sunset!

I’ll be talking about my emotional journey with the feral cats I’ve been feeding and trapping and fixing in our neighborhood — if you follow me on Twitter or Instagram you’ve seen lots of pictures of them, but now you can get the full, funny story. Plus there are lots of other hilarious people on the show — don’t miss it! You can buy tickets here ($7, with $1 from each ticket going to Spay Neuter Project of Los Angeles) or see the Facebook event here.

And as ever, we must give thanks to our advertisers:

• Two Party Opera: A daily comic that features the Presidents of the United States as they live on the stage of history with the day-to-day news of political mudslinging.
• Oh hey, and don’t forget, I wrote a book! You can get it in hardcover, paperback or ebook forms. It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy.

If you would like to buy advertising on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get a text shoutout in these posts, get the details on my BuySellAds page.