“Once again, Shoe demonstrates how weird it is about the characters being birds. Imagine a realistically sized pigeon or whatever kinda bird this lady is supposed to be trying to use shampoo in a shower and owning a dog, an animal at least twice her size and a carnivore that absolutely eats birds.” –ectojazzmage

“Dennis senses that his parents’ conversation is really about something else, but this realization that language can be multivocal and opaque makes him long for Mr. Wilson’s frank and forthright loathing. The bitter wins of post-modernism strips the paint from his house, leaving faded patches.” –But What Do I Know?

“How can Heirs of Mort create a funny original image of a frazzled Killer but can no longer remember how big a single tooth is?” –Hobbes Fan

“BOOMER COMICS THEN: ‘I hate my wife!’ BOOMER COMICS NOW: ‘I hate my wifi!’” –Schroduck

“Slim’s organs will be donated to Walt, keeping him alive for an improbable 30 more years, when the last daily newspaper somehow continues to publish in some quiet corner of Kansas.” –Philip

“You have to admit sometimes the old ways work. The dime aphorism is a lot pithier and punchier than ‘Here’s $1200. Go buy an iPhone and a subscription plan and call someone who cares.’” –Chance

“Did I miss the part where all the charges against Rene/Jimmy were dropped? Or is having to chat with Mud and friends a court ordered punishment?” –Maltmash3r

“The funny thing here is that Dogg-Mann remembers vaguely that he has some kind of athletic vendetta going on with Bear-Mann, but he’s forgotten what sport or teams it’s over. But Bear-Mann says he doesn’t care about the vendetta any more, probably because he’s forgotten the whole thing. So, pluggers are old and losing their memories #12,546! Ha ha, har!” –White Rabbit

“As an artist himself, Rene really should appreciate the talented orthopedic surgeon who treated him. Their work has really captured the essence of a man determined to walk upstairs but trapped lying on his back. Bravo!” –Stuart F

“This is a brave illustration of why you need to take the car keys away from aging parents — that plugger is coming to behind the wheel, somehow in the middle of a street fair.” –Quiggle

“Come here, Sonia, and take a look at this new throw pillow we got! The pattern is based on the visual hallucinations experienced by a plugger during a syncope. It’s from Crate and Barrel’s new ‘getting old in Virginia’ line of décor.” –Voshkod

“I used to be mildly attracted to Mark’s boss, but now he’s a little chipmunk man. What am I supposed to do with him, boop his little nose and feed him peanuts? Ehh, I guess that’s better than another lonesome weekend. Boop!” –made of wince

“Y’know, it’s been awhile since I’ve been properly enraged by a Six Chix, and hey, look at this: I am utterly enraged at this Six Chix. And it’s not just rage; I have moved into the still, limpid waters of visceral, unadulterated fury. No. No to all of this. If the pumpkin is no longer a carriage, why does it still have wheels? And why, if it’s gonna have wheels, does it only have two of them? Why is it still the size of a carriage? And if it’s a pumpkin now, why is Cinderella still wearing a crown?! Why did it rot, like, immediately?!? Why is the word ‘accidentally’ involved?!?! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO US” –els

“Urination is always going to be a divisive fetish, but you’re guaranteed to upset both sides when you constantly post about peeing on social media but never upload any videos.” –jroggs

“Rene’s Scooby Doo reference is frankly unearned. The Mystery Inc teens actually put in the effort of investigating the haunted theme parks and getting chased by ghosts and frankensteins and whatnot. If Scooby and Shaggy had just had just coincidentally met a guy who told them that Old Man Jenkins is dressing up as a vampire to scare away developers, and then Old Man Jenkins ran out in front of the Mystery Mobile and got hospitalized without them even having to pull off his rubber mask, I think the show would have been a lot less popular.” –Schroduck

“‘The Eve of St. Agnes’ was one of the most famous poems ever written by John Keats, the great Romantic poet who died when he was 25. If only Gasoline Alley and its foul cast of miscreants, abominations, and troglodytes had followed his example, the world would be a much better place.” –KMD

“I never knew 3D stood for three dullards.” –nescio

“What prompted their conversation? ‘Sometimes when I’m drunk, I think I can make people fat. Do you ever make people fat?’” –Victor Von

“It’s even more grim and depressing when you realize that his college ‘roommate’ was just his reflection in the dorm mirror.” –KnwItAll89

“Lucky Eddie is displaying his mistaken understanding of banking, which does not consist of having a large sack of money but rather of saying that you have a large sack of money. No need to take that long uncomfortable sea voyage at all!” –But What Do I Know?

“I never would have taken Poulet for a Black Flag guy. The Misfits, maybe.” –astroboy

“C’mon Jen, what the fuck’s Marvin going to do in Hawaii? Shit on the beach?” –Retraux_Rocket, on Twitter

“A minor point, maybe, but why are they discussing this at the breakfast table? Isn’t that the kind of news that you tell you spouse when you get home? I guess when you have a kid like Marvin, the first thing you do when you get home from the office is down a handful of pills to dissociate completely from your body (most importantly, your nose).” –pugfuggly

“And, by that, he meant release a lot of bees. There’s a reason he’s dead now.” –taig

“I don’t think a guy who died a gruesome death fighting Dick Tracy is the best source of advice for how to survive fighting Dick Tracy.” –ectojazzmage

“Ann’s a career criminal now, so she’s got to be ready for anything. And for the mean streets of Cavelton, that means a new hair color, a fifteen-year de-aging process, and scalemail armor evening attire. Sure, that lamellar gown doesn’t provide much protection for her limbs, but judging by the compound fracture on her upper right arm, it’s already too late to worry about that.” –jroggs

“There’s catering to your demographic, then there’s sticking Frank Nelson into your comic (Bing him, Zoomers). Judge Parker? More like Judge Pander.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“So like I realize it’s an unpopular opinion, and it may be mostly maryjane talking, since I’ve been trying to preserve my liver for me twilight years through decreased alcohol consumption — which getting high makes far less onerous, in my experience — and that’s a trip in and of itself; but I’m actually pretty alright with what appears to be the gradual transition of Six Chix to an ‘all koans, all the time’ format.” –Violet

“So who should I send my blank cards to? Who gives me blank feelings? Well, there was that guy I went out with twice in college whose name I forgot; I suppose I’d send one to him if I could. We went to Wendy’s, and my burger was more interesting than him. Imagine his delight when he gets my blank card. Of course, he may not remember me much either. He’s probably a whole different person with a more successful life than mine. Has a big family, vacations in Greece, a great job … Wait. I don’t have blank feelings anymore. Oh, this is going to be a challenge.” –made of wince

“Good news, Dot! Your brother is a drawing, so a regular eraser will work just fine!” –Anonymous

“Ha, Jeff and Jenny can’t afford a hotel in Hawaii ’cause they spend all their discretionary income on diapers! Also, endless rounds of steam cleaning their carpets, financial settlements with local stores to settle legal claims from disinfecting the stream of liquid feces they leave behind everywhere they go, exorbitant babysitter costs because nobody wants to watch their vile child, etc.” –Thelonious_Nick

“Of course I’ll have fun. That’s why they call it a playhouse. I do hope the Health Department has allowed them to re-open the ball pit.” –Peanut Gallery

“Does anyone know if there’s a canonical reason Dick Tracy dresses like a noir marshmallow peep? Does he think the bright yellow will make the blood splashes pop? Does he expect to fight Green Lantern at any given moment? Is it a sex thing? The world wonders.” –Voshkod

“It’s petty, but I can’t stand when Crock does just modern domestic comedy that could slide right into Blondie or, lets be honest, Marvin. Like, I’m sorry that nobody really remembers what the French Foreign Legion’s deal is/was but that is the high concept you have saddled yourself with and I am going to have to insist that you keep it at least broadly desert themed.” –BananaSam

“I didn’t get right away that the pets were smelling those objects so I laughed pretty hard at Barfy comparing that football to Billy. About the same size and shape as his head, plus a lot quieter. Probably an improvement!” –pugfuggly

“I like the jailer’s shovel tattoo. He doesn’t always like his job but he enjoys the gravedigging.” –Victor Von

“Oh no, a single unarmed constable! Whatever will these two hardened raiders do in the face of … hey, guys? You’re Vikings, remember? Guys? GUYS?!” –jroggs

“Love that menacing foreground fist in panel one! That’s a right hand, though, and the punch that’s actually thrown is from the left. Waste of a menacing fist, if you ask me.” –Twinkles the Elf

“It’s called ‘sploshing.’ Never say Mary Worth is behind the times.” –Gerry Quinn

“I myself was trapped in a middle seat between two sumo wrestlers once. It permanently damaged my shoulders and this is the only way I can hold a folder now.” –nescio

“If I also were in a fort in the Saharan desert holding an imaginary conversation with my mother about bowel movements in her nursing home on an old-school land line with no cord coming from the receiver, those would be exactly the facial expressions I’d use. Bravo Crock for showing the ravages of ongoing combat trauma!” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“A little Googling indicates that ‘Kid Inventors Day’ is a real thing, celebrated annually on January 17, Ben Franklin’s birthday. Blondie’s writers can’t get anything else about the modern world right, but I don’t think they’re ever wrong about offbeat holidays and observances. Their grandkids must give them a really great calendar every Christmas.” –Rube

“Dennis the Menace has Gabriel’s Horn, and he is announcing Judgment Day. While young, Margaret certainly should be nervous. Has she done enough to enter the kingdom of heaven? Is she ready? ARE YOU, reader?” –Batiuk’s Attic

“It’s a pity that they didn’t draw the flag in today’s courtroom scene in Snuffy Smith. I guess they wanted to prevent a sovcit argument about gold fringe, which is certainly the first argument Snuffy would go for.” –Voshkod

“It seems like it’d be kind of hurtful if your long-lost father’s main interest in you was to start banging your mom again?” –matt w

“By what witchcraft does Mary turn the ingredients off her recipe list — bachelor, marine, policeman, hero — into muffins?” –Hibbleton

“He doesn’t leave his room unless it’s for school? Have you tried disguising yourself as a school?” –Peanut Gallery

“Hi also had to move the couch to an entirely different location in the living room, further aggravating his back.” –taig

“I don’t think Ancestry.com is solving any paternity tests; mostly it uses public records to connect people. But I suppose in a world where those piles of dog vomit Mary is pulling out of the oven are supposed to be appetizing, anything is possible.” –TheDiva