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“That’s not a collage of photos Lois took around their house — it’s a screenshot of the ‘Chores Around the House’ TikTok feed, which she watches constantly because long, tedious videos of boring home labor are like ASMR to her. So don’t praise her for doing laundry — she’s actually getting high off it, and that’s the 12th load she’s done today (without, say, checking to make sure Trixie hasn’t spent the last two hours staring at the sun).” –BigTed

And the runners up remain hilarious!

“What a week of these insufferable genetic dead ends trying to show off their misery boners to each other only to decide that they aren’t the problem, everyone else is! It’s our fault that we can’t understand their endearing quirks and they shouldn’t have to change! Take that, audience!” –Needless Exposition

“We disagreed on food, politics, men, and money. I said if Dennis Kucinich invited me on a dinner date, I’d order something vegan out of respect for his beliefs. Mother said she’d order meat but offer to split the check.” –Peanut Gallery

“So did Lois actually take pictures of every chore that needed to be done or did she do a Google search for stock images? Either way, it speaks to a level of industriousness that could have been profitably spent performing at least one of these chores.” –Pozzo

“Given that that fort looks like it could hold three guys, tops, and there’s no visible outlet for sewage, I’d say being left by the side of the road might be a mercy.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“I’m guessing the context of this is that Alice’s veterinarian moonlights as a drug dealer who hooks her up with the good shit between parrot check-ups, which frankly explains a lot about this comic if you assume it’s all from Alice’s POV.” –ectojazzmage

“I’m a giant unstoppable machine tearing through the natural resources of an African nation. My name? Sam. Sam Bolism.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“You can’t keep hinting that you’ll show us the woman who let Wilbur impregnate her, and then never follow through with it. It’s like some BDSM edging thing, except infinitely more humiliating.” –Schroduck

“I guess we should give Sam, or the hallucination thereof, some credit for keeping his shirt collar properly arranged and tie still nicely knotted while being sent to sleep with the fishes. Only partial credit of course; his suit jacket is missing.” –Dmsilev

“The size of that box suggests to me that Ranger Shaw’s wife isn’t just watching Twilight, but presumably all those awful knockoffs. Dawnlight, Twinlove, Twillit: a Vampires Tale? I’m making these up but at the same time sure that they exist.” –pugfuggly

“Turns out it was just a model of Sam that got thrown out when the Great Comics in Wax museum was shut down for false advertising. Who’s up for some Jenga?” –But What Do I Know?

“The Keenes will end up petitioning their city to ban recycling after Jeffy independently comes up with the idea of reincarnation due to lack of honest discussion about death.” –Philip

“Thel is looking at those eggshells with wistful longing, all ‘God, I wish I could have had some broken eggs, if you know what I mean?’” –2+2=7

“‘Why do you idolize someone who’s no longer with us?’ Nice job, Gertie, you just insulted every major religion.” –Banana Jr. 6000

“You’d think Sophie would be more concerned with establishing whether or not she saw a real corpse in the water, but with Sam ruled out as the victim, it’s well within her sociopathic character to quickly lose interest. I mean, if the murdered man isn’t someone who’s paying her way through college, then who cares?” –jroggs

“Now that I think about it, isn’t it weird that the movie is called The Sixth Sense even though the kid’s power is not seeing the future (rather, by speaking with the dead he has access to the past)? I never thought it would happen, but Judge Parker made me think!” –Ettorre

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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OK, not quite 20 years, as I didn’t start picking a comment of the week until April 2005, and didn’t start doing weekly roundups until September 2006, but still: this storied tradition continues as usual, today, and every week, forever:

“A leather wearing lady and an elongated sandwich? That’s a dom/sub relationship.” –Philip

Your runners up also carry the torch of all who came before them!

“Nothing like barging in on your dad while he’s on his laptop and thinks you’re 2000 miles away. Dawn’s next line: ‘So, I see you’re still into fish porn.’” –Peanut Gallery

“Think of all the majestic views we could have been enjoying of historic Bridgeport, Waterbury, and the Groton Submarine Works.” –Ukulele Ike

“Walt pretty much had to go through God for this damage claim. Whoever he insured his house through originally would have died nearly a hundred years ago.” –jroggs

“So Slylock rounded up the suspects and they just happened to be called Tony and Frederico? If you thought Slylock’s anti-amphibian racial profiling was bad, just wait until you hear what the Italian-American Civil Rights League has to say.” –Schroduck

“Extra wrinkle in the case is the fact that the alleged ‘frog’ has a belly button, a smoking gun for placental mammalian lineage. I sense unacknowledged Count Weirdly offspring.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Giving the sandwich eyes makes things even more complicated. Is this some kind of lab experiment where a sandwich has become a sentient being? Is the bread alive and the sandwich fillings are inanimate? Or does placing the meat and cheese into the bread give it life? This is a lot to stomach.” –Old School Allie Cat

“The best detail of Six Chix today is that our inamorata was already pretty deep into her make-out session with a giant sandwich before she found out it could speak. What did she think before this point? That the sandwich was merely large and inanimate? That it was animate but ultimately mute? Presumably she was angling towards eating the sandwich; has this revelation changed her plans at all?” –BananaSam

“Now is it possible, just possible, that Dawn’s mother was grooming her to inherit her international crime syndicate, and sent her back when she failed some unspoken test? That’s probably too exciting for Mary Worth, but it did happen in The Phantom, so it can’t be that exciting.” –Navigator

“You think that’s uncomfortable? Just look at my body! I have the ribcage of an obese pigeon! My arm isn’t even connected to my torso! For this hat to stay on I must be a conehead!!” –pugfuggly

“Jeffy is going to be punished severely for referencing ‘horses’ where he could have used ‘Jesus.’” –nescio

“Judging from the shovel, my guess is Cherry’s next line will be: ‘Only you can prevent forest fires!’ These will also be her last words.” –Pozzo

“The bear speaks fluent ursine as well, Cherry. So when you tell him to leave, he’s just going to say ‘no.’” –cheech wizard

“Poor Greta. Braces aren’t going to fix the generations of forced inbreeding that resulted in the misery you live through every day. Look at the bright side though. If you were human, you’d be royalty.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Rex Morgan M.D. is a ‘Schlubs Paradise’ where a middle-aged man’s doughy and uninteresting charms can reign supreme in all aspects of life. I’ve always said Wilbur is in the wrong comic. He should come over to Rex’s strip where he can live like a king! A sweaty, mediocre king!” –2+2=7

“‘Look, Parker, people get bullied for all sorts of…’ ‘Shut up, old man, before I jam an IV into your eye.’ ‘Sorry, Parker.’ ‘Man, I feel better already. Maybe bullying is for me!’ Feeling down, depressed, hospitalized? Is bullying for you? Ask your doctor, unless your doctor is Rex Morgan. Then ask a different doctor. Side effects of bullying may include high self-esteem, an increased peer group, and bruised knuckles. Bullying. It’s for everyone!” –Voshkod

“Pluggers live in hot climates and dress appropriately? I’m not feeling this one.” –matt w

“This is Milford! We have no use for your Lord and your Roy Rogers’ manager cosplay! Hell, most of the kids think you’re wearing the Arby’s logo. Is that how you want to be remembered? As the guy in the Arby’s hat?” –KMD

“I wonder what poor actor Frank Nelson who died 38 years ago could possibly have done to be in a Hell where he has to be semi-regularly summoned from the grave to appear in a Gasoline Alley comic strip? Of course, that makes me wonder what I did to wind up in this reality where Gasoline Alley continues to be published. Something so horrible, I must have blocked it from my conscious mind.” –Old Man Shadow

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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Folks, I want you to cast your minds back to the long-forgotten year 2004. A young man not yet 30 had decided to try out this “blogging” thing that seemed to be getting so much attention those days, focusing on his favorite under-appreciated art form, the newspaper comic strips. He started on July 11th of that year with a post about Non Sequitur, a strip that he would soon bore of. The next day, however? The next day … was pure gold.

Mary Worth, 7/12/2004

That’s right: I, your faithful comics curmudgeon, have been talking about Wilbur Weston’s sex life since 2004. As is only meet and proper, for this momentous occasion, I have decided to bring back my beloved CafePress store and urge you to purchase a t-shirt or other item that shares this fact and this message with the whole world!

Anyway! Twenty years is a long time to be doing anything — so long that it kind of snuck up on me and I didn’t put together an elaborate series of anniversaposts like I did in 2014 — but I still love the comics, still love doing the blog, and still love all of you. Big thanks to Uncle Lumpy for being a great fill-in, and to you all for being faithful and funny readers and commenters, whether you started reading yesterday or in 2004! Your reward: You get to read this blog again tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that, and (assuming the comics and the internet still exist and the sun has not expanded to a red giant to swallow the earth) so forth, indefinitely.

And finally, since I must always be closing: if you think that 20 years of looking at ads on this website is enough and want an elegant, ad-free experience, perhaps I can interest you in a subscription, either to a no-ads version of the site or an ad-free email version of each post delivered to your inbox each morning? Just a thought! No worries if not, no paywall will ever descend to block access to this important cultural artifact. Normal comics jokes resume tomorrow! But until then, feel free to sound off in the comments about how this blog has changed your life.