“You know if the creators needed a ‘medical issue’ for Rex to explore, they could have an arc where he examines the Schlubification Virus that’s apparently going around. Mud/Fergus seems to be it’s latest victim. He used be be a big boisterous bear of a man, and now look at him: slumped shoulders, weak chin, a hangdog expression and a partially damaged brain. Remember when Mud would have the cleverness to create outrageous schemes instead of shamelessly falling for them like a chump? Look at what the ravages of disease reduced him to!” –2+2=7

“Never mind the check, I wanna know what’s up with this grocery store where people line up perpendicular to the cash lanes. That is some freaky stuff.” –pugfuggly

“Hmm, Helen is the one being annoying and holding up the line, so how do I make it clear that the young person is actually the bad one? This is a five piercing minimum job.” –Schroduck

“Hahaha, Henry sure is mad at [squints] former Prime Minister of New Zealand, John Key.” –Truckosaurus

“To anyone inclined to complain that there’s no menacing in this strip: What Dennis is pointedly sipping from that glass is the contents of Mr. Mitchell’s formerly mint condition 1992 bottle of Crystal Pepsi. Dennis is just waiting for his dad to finally take his eyes off the news long enough to notice.” –Peanut Gallery

“So is Rodney Rat Reeky’s more well-to-do brother? I’m guessing his success is relatively recent, because his dental work indicates he once shared Reeky’s meth habit.” –Pozzo

“I think was can all agree that in addition to being propaganda for the animal regime, Slylock Fox & Comics for Kids also serves as propaganda for our own Educational State. This is a sad attempt to sell children on the practicality of learning algebra as a useful skill, when they have a phone in their pocket many times more powerful than the computers that landed men on the moon.” –Philip

“‘I wonder whatever happened to Falcon Crest.’ ‘I dunno. And we’re birds. So you’d think we’d know.’” –Just John

“I never thought I’d find myself staring in slack-jawed wonder at someone holding a phone in a believable manner, but here we are. Agape. Gazing at a man-mountain as he gets snitty about his ex’s dinner party planning. Keith, you’re kind of a drip, but you’ve made a believer out of me.” –els

“The soda and burger are actually for the guy in the car; Beetle has a very skewed idea of what first aid entails.” –ectojazzmage

“Listen Keith, you missed twenty years of Thanksgivings full of awkwardness and political quarreling, so I am trying my best to cram all of them in as few sessions as possible.” –Ettorre

“This might be a Me Thing, but I always get a little unnerved when they actually draw Beetle Bailey wielding a rifle. I think it’s sort of a reminder that he’s spent the last 80 years being trained to kill.” –Dan McDermott, on Facebook

“As far as retirement plans go, telling bloodthirsty raiders about your hidden gold reserves is probably not in the top 10.” –jroggs

“And it gets worse … the old geezer says back in the 70s his boots were really muddy.” –Flipper

“Being part of the same Walker-Browne syndicate, I’m guessing that Hi & Lois, Beetle Bailey and Hagar all share the same interchangeable sound stages, sets, and back lots. Efficient? Sure! Imaginative? Nope!” –Daisy

“It’s too late! Prince Albert suffocated decades ago! PLUGGERS KILLED PRINCE ALBERT!!!” –nescio

“The fortune teller has a star and crescent on her tent, both classic symbols of Islam. Brave of Crock to wade into the question of whether divination is haram under Islam. While many do support the position of al-Ghazali that attempting to see the future interferes in the domain of Allah, we must not forget that other respected scholars view it as almost medicinal. Stay tuned to Crock for other deep dives into Islamic theory, colonialism, and bad art.” –Voshkod

“I’d say this particular installment is uncharacteristically bleak for Hi and Lois, which touches upon the grim occasionally but generally favors the corny. That the late Mrs. Wavering appears to be hopped up off her hatstand on goofballs adds a welcome note of levity, in my opinion.” –Violet

“[Ring!] ‘Walker Comics Inc.’ ‘This is Smedly and Smedly, attorneys. We represent the Keane Family. Our clients believe that you infringed on their copyrighted sappy dead grandparent meme today!’ ‘Not at all! You’ll note the absence of a dead spirit or angel, which protects us from legal violations.’ ‘Nonetheless you’re treading on thin ice. Make sure that Ditto walks straight home if you know what’s good for you. Good day.’” –Little Blue Bicycle

“Careful, anonymous voice — you wouldn’t like him when he’s angry! In fact, you probably wouldn’t like him much now.” –Pozzo

“Hey, is Mary Worth about to introduce a fourth new character in a single month? If the story keeps moving at breakneck speed like this, I think by the time the new year rolls around something might actually happen!” –BigTed

“For those of you who don’t understand the concept of hate-reading, feast your eyes on today’s comic. Lyle Ollman has been conjured by the universe and delivered directly to Rex just to help him cope with his mild irritation about Rene’s recent success. Never before in the history of literature has so unlikely a deus ex machina been employed to resolve so minor a nuisance. Where are you going to find something this wonderful in good writing?” –jroggs

“C’mon, Keith is obviously not the Hulk! He’s the Thing. Look how orange he is!” –matt w

“Pluggers put up natural Christmas trees as an excuse to stay zonked out on Benadryl during the holidays.” –nescio

“Suddenly, improbably, Rex discovers there’s something he actually cares about. And it certainly isn’t medicine. Plagiarism? REX SMASH!’” –Peanut Gallery

“Ah, ‘Fight the System,’ the famous song by Public Adversary.” –Anonymous

“In a strip where I’m used to seeing the characters being absolute assholes to each other, it’s nice to see some gentler assholery like, ‘I put your image on Facebook without your consent.’” –taig

“‘Ollman Technique’: Vague, stuffy, sounds kind of like something they’d do to you in A Clockwork Orange. ‘Mirakle Method’: Memorable, good use of alliteration and wordplay, a name that practically screams ‘fast, easy self-help system.’ It doesn’t take a branding expert to see where Mr. Ollman went wrong here.” –TheDiva

“As of today, Tom Armstrong has produced 24 consecutive Marvin strips without a poop joke. I don’t know if he’s trying to turn over a new leaf, or setting us up for ‘the twelve diapers of Christmas,’ but I have to admit he’s got me on the edge of my (toilet) seat.” –Hannibal’s Lectern

“Whether Frank Jr. is born or made, in any case the Frankenstein parents put a lot more resources into having him than most of us organic folks ever will. Finding a new head/replacement brain is also difficult enough without pitchfork wielding townsfolk already suspicious of them for every grave robbery.” –Philip

“Why is every character in Snuffy Smith the oldest person you’ve ever seen, including the children?” –Finn

“St. Nicholas was of Greek descent, born in what is modern day Turkey. Through the centuries, characters based on him got mixed and matched and localized and so frankly any depiction of Santa Clause is fine (I think you need to hear this most of all, Megyn Kelly). That doesn’t make him exclaiming, ‘Oh, my garsh!’ any less jarring. I wasn’t ready for the Goofyfication.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“The maritime authorities may wink at attempted murder on the high seas, but the American justice system has no mercy for copyright infringers. What does this have to do with Rex? He’ll be the physician who administers the lethal injection.” –FE

“I love this insight into Rex’s bedside manner. How many patients per day do you think he corners in an examination room and subjects to aggressive questioning on topics completely unrelated to their medical problem? I think he prefers doing it to the old and confused ones, since they’re more likely to be dismissed as cranks when they complain to the state board of physicians.” –Thelonious_Nick

“Comics are a creative medium where the only boundary is the fantasy of the writer and the ability of the artist. They can show the most fantastic and absurd things! For example, today Marvin shows people laughing due to events in Marvin.” –Ettorre

“The less time I spend thinking about the output/throughput of Shoe, the better off I am. But what’s the input here? Why does it match the Perfesser’s sweater? What are they drinking, fermented puceberry juice?” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“I absolutely love how after making Sonia and Brad out to be ACAB mega-Marxist anarcho-communists, the only concrete ideology they have so far is ‘kind of environmentalist, probably not big fans of whale hunting.’ Come on Keith, you live in coastal California. Even in the absolute reddest county, you should know plenty of vegans (admittedly most of them will be doing it because of an insane detox they saw on TikTok rather to save the planet per se).” –Schroduck

“Hmm, looks like the chatbot that writes this strip now is trying to plant some pro-AI material to influence hip youth like Chip. Unfortunately, this just demonstrates its limitations: it hasn’t figured what demographic actually reads this strip and, like a lot of AI, still has a problem doing hands.” –pugfuggly

“We can do this all week — when George gets a colonoscopy (‘Did you find Dennis up there?’), goes to hospice (‘Will I see Dennis in hell?’). Mr. Wilson is obsessed with his neighbor’s child and this legacy comic is here to make damn sure you find it as amusing as they do.” –Quiggle

“I’m not joking, doctor. [turns around to reveal Dennis clinging to his back, feasting on his blood like a leech]” –ectojazzmage

“The idea that Gil Thorp is the ‘most beloved man’ in Milford is both baffling and sad. Doesn’t this town have a charismatic politician? A prominent philanthropist? A moderately attractive evening news meteorologist?” –TheDiva

“It wouldn’t be Gasoline Alley if it wasn’t some unholy mixture of 100 year old comedy bits and bafflingly specific infodumping.” –Evelyn Waughluigi, on Bluesky

“So they’re remaking the movie 10, but with Bo Derek’s part played by vermin? Having simultaneous writer’s and actor’s strikes really did take a toll on Hollywood!” –BigTed

“Tracy, like the rest of us, wonders what the hell Sam is talking about; but if there’s enough blood and gore that he needs a snorkel to navigate, he’s all in.” –Hibbleton

“‘I’m going to use the reasonable suspicion already established by the evidence we’ve compiled so far to get a warrant, and then tell her we need a DNA sample, because I’m pretty sure doing it any other way would be inadmissible in court and probably get the Major Crimes Unit into trouble!’ ‘Sam, this is Neo-Chicago. Nothing will ever get the Major Crimes Unit into trouble, but if we start asking for warrants before we do stuff, people are going to expect us to do it all the time!’ ‘ Okay, then wacky plan it is!’” –Horace Broon

“Pluggers are too embarrassed to ask their techie nephew how to turn off parental controls on their router and therefore last saw a stranger’s breast in 2004.” –Schroduck

“I refuse to believe that pluggers’ wardrobe malfunctions don’t involve farting (or attempts to do so).” –nescio

“Hey! listen up! I’m Coach Ochoa. Welcome to full contact chorus! You, stop dancing, and turn down the Glee soundtrack. Thank you.” –Little Blue Bicycle

“The descent of Kubrick’s Black Monolith continues; today, it can only find work as a teaser panel in Gil Thorp. I used to be someone, you can hear it think. I was a thing of wonder and mystery. I was full of stars! And now, this. The Misdirect? Stanley never misdirected.” –Voshkod

“If I understand my slang of [decade that is unmoored in time in just the right way to appear in a newspaper comic strip] correctly, Dennis’s dad is a cocaine dealer?” –matt w

“At first, I thought Dagwood had abandoned the 21st century completely, and had gone back in time and was dealing with an elevator operator, someone who existed before people could push their own buttons. What a relief to find out he’s just some modern-day asshole!” –Buck Ripsnort

“I like that the wallet moth(?) is still in the same position in the last panel, which suggests to me that its actually some kind of spring-loaded prop that Stumpy McRage placed in there to drive his point home. Buddy, if you’re going to go to those lengths to get five bucks you might want to try a more subtle hook.” –pugfuggly

“You were right to ask me, a weapons expert, to examine these autopsy report. Look closely at how neat this stab wound is! It’s like, wham, you’re dead, bro! It would take a real weapon expert — I mean like Conan the Barbarian or Darth Maul, not me — to kill someone this precisely and awesomely. Sorry, I don’t really have a professional insight to offer, I just love this kind of stuff.” –jroggs

“Winnie-the-Pooh might be a bear of very little brain, as the books have it, but here we have proof positive that Ditto is, to use scientific terms, a fucking moron. Honey is a viscous liquid that sticks to the inside of clay jars, making it at least plausible that a determined enough bear might stick his head into said jar to get every morsel he can. Cookies, though, are not a liquid of any kind, so all one has to do to get them all out of the jar, Ditto, is to use something readily available to every human being on the planet: gravity. Just … just turn the jar over. Just turn the jar over! There are crumbs! Next! To!! You!!! Know why?! APPARENTLY NOT.” –els

“None of those sanitized, watered-down nursery rhymes for Hi’s baby! This is the REAL Mother Goose! The one where Little Red Riding Hood gets eaten by the wolf, Bluebeard murders six of his wives, and Cinderella’s sisters hack off their toes. There’s no sense sheltering the child; someday she’s going to have to live in the real world, where such things are a common occurrence.” –Peanut Gallery

“I was wondering why Trixie can’t understand the stories and thought maybe what she monologues to herself in is some sort of non-English baby talk translated for our comprehension, but then I realized that she’s an infant who doesn’t yet grasp the concept of ‘fiction’. Babies are stupid. I bet she can’t even do taxes yet.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“I’m not a father, but 7:28 pm seems to be the ideal time to read to an infant. Gets it out of the way early, leaving plenty of time for drinking.” –Pozzo

“Rex does a surprisingly good imitation of me when they announce the lineup at our county fair. Toughen up, Doc! It’s not like you had to deal with Ted Nugent practically in your back yard!” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“I’m so glad I lived long enough to see Rex Morgan, M.D. do Jazz Hands.” –MKay

“Why does June close her eyes during sex? See panel three.” –bartorama