“The coldest part is the woman on the left’s expression of satisfied amusement. ‘Ha ha, I loves me some these-kids-today-and-their-social-media humor! Also, Mom just died.'” –Peanut Gallery

“Next week on B.C.: those goddamn beatniks, man.” –The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE

“I was shocked that Lois finally admitted [in panel two] that Hi’s purpose in life was as nothing more than a burnt sacrifice to some chthonic god of comic strips, an act of hope that she and the kids get to keep their existence going one more year. Then I read the next panel, and now I’m sad.” –ps

“Its OK MJ, you’re signing blank sheets of paper anyway. ‘Foggy’ got his name for his billing practices.” –Kevin on Earth

“And just how is Foggy able to give his ‘Sure, go ahead, sign it’ so quickly, in standing-around-time? Seems this contract is less ‘rights of unspecified future technologies’ and more ‘return the costume dry cleaned.'” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“I love how whatever Marvel intern that’s drawing this just threw a single, unattached gel frame into the middle of the beige void in a half-hearted attempt to create the atmosphere of a movie set. Like Spider-Man himself, they just couldn’t be bothered to put in more effort than was absolutely necessary.” –TheDiva

“Hmmm, those are some pretty stringent demands, but I don’t really want to cross this guy — I’m pretty sure he’s actually Morbius, the Living Vampire.” –Pozzo

“His name’s Rory McCormick. Some special effects guy out of Hollywood. Looks like someone hooked a question mark around his neck to subdue him and then beat him to death with an exclamation mark. Thank god they didn’t have access to a diacritic or they could have really ripped him up.” –Voshkod

“As a fruit bat researcher I must protest your irrational fear of bats with 1.7 meter wingspans. These are fruit eating bats so you have nothing to fear! (Except if you fear SARS, Ebolavirus, Marburgvirus, Nipahvirus and some other viruses that are present in fruit bats.)” –seldom seen

“Meatloaf, mashed potatoes and shrimp-and-avocado salad … Mary is saying with food that a threesome sounds like a good idea, but one zesty dish doesn’t really work that well with two boring old standbys.” –BigTed

“It only figures their acquaintances would be identified by their diseases. ‘I’d like you to meet my bridge partner, Shittie. She’s got IBS.'” –Écureuil Écumant

“My only regret is not knowing how many retweets my dying words will get.” –zaratustra

“Of course, his controversial politics did win him some followers too: when word got out, fans of AM talk radio from all over the state brought their kids in to listen to ‘Right Santa’ tell them the truth about unions, gun control, and fiat currency.” –pugfuggly

“Considering the turf and Mitchum’s cleancut appearance, I’ve got him pegged for an FBI plant. Them good ol’ boys better be keerful or they might be in fer a dronin’!” –Anonymous

“Wow. It’s worse than I thought. It’s not just Michael McDonald. It’s Michael McDonald and Terry Bradshaw! Terry, how could you give up a lucrative broadcasting gig to become a hitman in a swamp?!? Do you really miss Shreveport that much? Well, at least you’ll have some mellow backing vocals for your assassination attempt.” –Mikey

“I think they’re desaturating the colors here to give the impression of nostalgia and gently faded memories, but it has the effect of making this comic look like one of those dystopian science-fiction movies where 99% of the population has died of some terrible virus and the other 1% wishes they had.” –Joe Blevins

“In the first panel, a cackling octogenarian Pee Wee Herman squeezes some white goo into a bowl while Tobey gives herself a breast exam. After that, who needs a second panel?” –AhClem

“‘I’m worried about MJ. I keep giving her the finger, and she doesn’t even notice,’ thinks Peter, the man who forgot how hands work.” –made of wince

“Having visited Iceland with its 300,000 inhabitants, I can totally understand how the Phantom family, especially the tall purple dude with the trenchcoat, will be able to move about while remaining quite unnoticed. Yes.” –Poteet

“Deserve to be in the finals? What, are you insinuating that we’re here just because of luck, or some kind of deal with Satan where I traded my immortal soul for just one shot at glory with this terrible team? Because that is ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous.” –pugfuggly

“Stan Lee IS Sean Hastings IN The Brave Little Toaster III: The Quickening.” –@MattFossen on Twitter

“Pius XI wrote some encyclicals that pointed out the evils of greed, capitalism and international finance. Gil will rally his troops by explaining that they’re not going to up against the power of the Almighty, they’re going to war against Communism.” –Hogenmogen

“A basic artistic question has been haunting Judge Parker’s readership: how would Manley portray a Hollywood star world-famous for her good looks in a strip where lawyers, secretaries, ‘translators,’ bookish high school students, vineyard owners in Napa County, and the domestic staff at Spencer Farms are all as stunningly gorgeous as the constraints of a daily comic strip panel allows? Well, the answer delivers on Judge Parker’s core strength of deadpan social satire. From her ludicrous name to the blank oblivion behind her glasses to the fact that she has a bra-less figure that by high-fashion mannequins would consider unrealistic, Godiva Danube is the paragon of empty, mass-media materialism.” –Master Softheart

“Dennis the Menace raises questions about time and space. Did Alice have time to wash her hands? Where is ‘there’ that isn’t here? Is there a safe concealed behind the vaguely erotic broccoli painting? If so, how does it fit into the thin wall?” –Downpuppy

“A ‘classic’? Does that mean this has run before? ‘Hello, Mr Pluggers Guy? Yeah, this is Bill Beck. My wife is still bugging me about the gutters. Can you rerun that cartoon for me? Thanks, appreciate it.'” –aphthakid

“‘That swamp really smells bad! I can’t wait to replace it with the clear, dry, mineral scent of a mining operation.’ ‘We get it, Mitchum — you’re named after a deodorant.'” –BigTed

“So he just leaves through his own apartment window? Well, I guess that’s how he keeps his secret identity. Man on the street: ‘Wow, Spider-Man sure visits that dipshit Parker a lot.'” –Mikey

“Hey, if you’ve got a squirrelly guy like Mitchum around the office — masturbates behind word bubbles, walks around with a cup and pot of coffee, calls sums of money ‘large’ — you’ll want to assure him to calm the fuck down at the end of every sentence you speak.” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“Crankshaft takes place in the relative past to Funky Winkerbean, right? So it’s safe to assume that in the main Funkyverse strip, this movie theater does not exist and has fallen into oblivion. This pleases me.” –Justin

“I’m legitimately amazed that Ed hasn’t responded to Mustache Man’s continual self-pity/loathing with something along the lines of ‘People aren’t tired of seeing movies on the big screen. They’re just tired of you.’ This isn’t the Crankshaft we know and lov… we know.” –Shran

“Mary Worth likes to watch people fuck. Now we know.” –cheech wizard

“Loweezy wears a hat over a shawl. Let that sink in for a moment. Loweezy wears a hat over a shawl.” –Pozzo

“This is NOT the way Gunther’s mother wanted him to find out about the new butler.” –Everything is Better With Monkeys

“Some news: Lockhorns ripoff comic that somehow came first The Better Half is ending at the end of November. Newspapers are already asking their readers to pick if it should be replaced by The Lockhorns or just a general sense of the death of all things.” –Chip Whittle

“As Edna convulses in her final death spasm in panel five, June, after just assuring her that everything will be fine, thinks ‘Oh well, she’s not my problem anymore. Hey, there’s another woman sitting on the floor. Why does everything always have to happen to me?!'” –Shran

“‘I’ll see you at the hospital later,’ June says to the woman’s abdomen. As she slips the EMTs their fees she thinks, I hope they remembered to put ice in the cooler this time.” –Cthulhu Gnu

“I dunno what physical symptoms would be appropriately cartoonish markers to express such a specific feeling as ‘lack of resolve to commit a brutal act’, but I’m pretty sure ‘leg convulsions’ and ‘expression of abject terror’ aren’t two that are working for B.C. today. Learn from the soap strips, B.C.! The only way to convey an emotion is with exaggerated, robotic hand movements, like you’re a mannequin signaling a plane!” –Jack Loves Comics

“Happy 50th, Wizard of Id. That means it’s time for your colonoscopy! Or as you might call it, ‘going to the dungeon.'” –WeatherServo9

“Someday PJ will understand that there is no upside to the Wizard of Id. It’s all downside.” –KEithOK

“With all the changes in this strip, I’m glad Mark still talks like he carves his words into a stump before saying them.” –Uncle Lumpy

“Why is everything to Cherry’s left in black and white? Is Mark so distracted by her bikini that he didn’t notice that he’s headed straight for the negative zone?” –Vardulon

“Gunther’s Mom is embarrassed to be caught with the worst-selling Real Doll ever, model KY-69, the Portly Gent.” –Voshkod

“While the thought that the conversation between Hanna Dingdon and Generic Old Widower might be rife with sexual innuendo is stomach-turning, it is far preferable to reaching the conclusion that they have now spent the past week simply talking about taking a walk with no overtones at all.” –But What Do I Know

“Tech people, help me out here: Can you ‘Carrie’ people via Skype?” –Chyron HR

“Mary’s honey trap worked like a dream. Now it’s time for Phase 2 of Operation: HannaDrop: clearing Somerset’s 3-year waiting list by purveying lethally bad advice in the Ask Wendy column. What’s that? Wilbur’s writing Ask Wendy again? Excellent, we can go straight to Phase 3 … Pool Party!” –Voyage of the Oversnark

“What’s sad here is how the passerby just immediately acquiesces to Dennis’ demand. APATHY IS THE DEVIL’S BEST FRIEND.” –Joe Blevins

“A3G’s status as a soap strip dovetails nicely with the inconsistent artwork. Panel 1: ‘The part of Margo will now be played by Pensive Peter Brady.’ Panel 2: ‘The part of Margo will now be played by Dyspeptic James Madison.’ Of course, the part of Lu Ann continues to be played by Repurposed Macy*s Mannequin No. 237.” –Sock Puppet

“The birds are well aware that Heathcliff’s elderly owner routinely spends his payday check on the biggest tab of LSD that he can afford.” –Wonkey the Monkey

“I hope Bull’s letter to the school board was truly vile, all ‘tiny penis’ this and ‘flabby vagina’ that, including dozens of photostats of his balls (done on the school’s machine!). And then after reading it, I hope they make him stay, because, what crueler punishment, right?” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“I’d have to say there is something weirdly menacing about a 7 year old boy showing an appreciation for the Allman Brothers Band.” –Brad

“Where does Heathcliff’s elderly owner go to work in enormous yellow shoes, a beret, and carrying a metal lunchbox? Clearly, Mr. Nutmeg isn’t just employed as a construction worker at the new Westfinster School of Clowning and Mime, he intends to be its first student.” –BigTed