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Hello all! Your COTW in a moment, but first … your boy Josh has somehow become banned from Twitter? And was given no specific reason why or told anything about any specific bad tweets I did? I just got a note saying that “your account broke the Twitter Rules,” even though I am in fact a very good boy? As you may have heard things are somewhat in, uh, disarray over there, but if you happen to know one of the people who still works there (or maybe are one of those people), I would appreciate it if you’d put in a good work for my appeal! If it doesn’t work out and I never return to Twitter or “X dot com” or whatever it ends up becoming, ah well, life is a rich tapestry, and also I am now on Bluesky if that’s a site you use.

Meanwhile! Here is your comment … of the week!

“SHOOTER AT LARGE PRINT FACTORY! PLEASE HELP US” –Lark L

And your runners up! Very funny!

“Think this one through, Saul. Do you really want to be friends with some kind of weirdo who doesn’t wear the same accessory as her dog?” –jroggs

“Apparently it hurts Billy to think, which seems perfectly on-brand.” –Francisco Arrowroot

“The most traumatic part of Rex’s day has to be right at the beginning, when he wakes up knowing that two of his hairs are slightly out of place. He immediately glues them into obedience before even brushing his teeth. It’s priority one with him.” –Joe Blevins

“This is what happens when kids are in and out of the judicial system. They pick up courtroom slang. Oyez!” –Little Blue Bicycle

“Didn’t mean to make a joke — your eye injury is still serious. Now … about my eye-popping fee…” –Kevin On Earth

“I’m not sure Rex Morgan, M.D., should lean so hard into the contrast between the main character, who we have to read about every day, and the guy who is amusing and does things that people enjoy watching.” –matt w

“Hey, listen, Billy — unless you’ve have some major grinding time, that spoon‘s not going to make it as a shiv. Go for the fork, Billy. Do it. DO IT.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“I see Dennis and his mother are dining at the English Eatery, home of the famous Bloomin’ Hedgehog, an entire hedgehog deep fried and served up with ketchup! Dennis is about to enjoy one with his burger (guaranteed* to be BSE-free), while his mother has opted for the blood pudding soup. [* Guarantee not valid in former colonies.]” –Voshkod

“At least with a slider, you’re assured of a smooth delivery. If it were a Big Mac™, it might require a c-section. I don’t want to think about the complications involved in the delivery of a McDLT.” –taig

“How come the Juvenile Detention Center gets to have a state-of-the-art indoor sports arena, but the high school doesn’t even have its own ferris wheel?” –made of wince

“‘Anyway, I came to realize that there’s more dramatic tension in a medical emergency than, say, a story about a grown man trying to take credit for a child’s writing. Sure, the latter is funnier but I’d like to take center stage in my own strip again and rely less on giant men faking gastrointestinal distress, Muddy Boots, or Buck.’ ‘Aren’t you worried this will mean spending less time with your children, Dr. Morgan?’ ‘My what?’” –Tabby Lavalamp

“‘I’m aware’ = ‘I have spent the past several days trying to clear up the legal and logistical mess created when you barged in to our ER and commandeered an operating room, and I’m nowhere near to being done.’” –TheDiva

“Jesus, how would you even begin to answer a question like that? Like, I can’t even tell where their torsos end and their heads begin, how would you even define what constitutes a ‘bottom’ for these lumpy creatures?” –pugfuggly

“You’d think Dennis would be more excited by a second chance to kill Lincoln. Menace factor: 0.” –Hibbleton

“Based on the round mark on top of his hat, Mr. Wilson is part of the I Corps, which had a circle as its corps badge. The I Corps had a noble heritage despite being taken away from the Army of the Potomac during the Peninsula Campaign. Certainly the I Corps — renamed the III Corps — served as the foundation of John Pope’s Army of Virginia, the antislavery alternative to George McClellan and the Army of the Potomac. The corps returned to being the I Corps in 1863 and served with honor on July 1, 1863 to the northwest of a Pennsylvania town called Gettysburg despite its commander being killed on the battlefield. I hope Mr. Wilson shares this noble legacy with his lawyer after he finally guts Dennis like a pig with his bayonet!” –KMD

“Chip needs the adrenaline of ever-increasing danger just to function, so he sleeps in front of the lawnmower with the throttle taped down. The cord is stretched to its limit — will it break free and plunge over him, blades whirring. He doesn’t know, and the suspense is the only thing that will quiet his brain long enough to sleep.” –Schroduck

“Jeffy is less interested in simple Christian truths (all mortal lives end in death) and more in the complex hierarchy and functions of angels. This could lead to Gnosticism, except that would imply knowing.” –Ettorre

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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The heatwave shows no sign of relenting … and neither do your COTW laffs. Here’s this week’s top comment!

“Remember when this small veterinary hospital didn’t have time to see emergency patients, and sent suffering animals to other random clinics? Well, thanks to Stell and her part-time magic at the front desk, apparently Dr. Harding has enough room in his schedule to provide hours of therapy for sad dogs. Is that because she’s so good at her job, or because she’s so off-putting to potential patients that no one except her personal friends will even come here anymore? In any case, it’s Southern California in 2023 — so whether it’s an dog at the vet’s office or a depressed veterinarian seeing his own therapist, I’m pretty sure the treatment will involve ketamine.” –BigTed

And your very funny runners up!

“I’ve got my ice cream scooper in my doctor’s bag, so we should be good to go.” –taig

“A pissy-faced Rex pauses long enough to admonish the narration box. ‘Don’t you mean makeshift? All bandages are temporary.’” –Hibblelton

“‘Except for the fact that people don’t remember their infant years at all, you’ll look back with fondness on these days of sitting outside alone in an empty yard with me staring at you creepily from the doorway.’ I’m starting to think Marvin’s dad might be nuts.” –Chance

“A sticky note that says ‘Call Mary’? Might as well just get a tattoo that says ‘breathe.’” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“Can’t wait for Snuffy to gradually be replaced by his cousin who is really into pickleball and only make a few more appearances in Barney Google and Snuffy Smith and Pique L’Ball over the next 70 years.” –Truckosaurus

“It seemed a sucker’s bet to Thirsty: who could ruin their marriage faster? Obviously, an alcoholic who’s drunk all the time or in the process of getting there. But he had underestimated Hi’s complete apathy towards Lois and his ability to lecture her about her feelings with utmost dismissal.” –Old Man Shadow

“I wondered a bit in yesterday’s strip why Barney Google was just following Snuffy around while Snuffy explained how the hillbillies played pickleball. But with today’s strip, it all came together for me: Snuffy is Barney’s Virgil, leading him through the different levels of hillbilly hell. Today we’ve reached the second circle, where hillbillies who’ve committed the sin of trying to adopt flatlander ways are cursed with eternal injury.” –Thelonious_Nick

“Looks like Coach Thorp is flying a twin-engine Beechcraft Baron. If he owns it, that set him back about $1.5 million. If he’s renting it from the local general aviation airfield, he’s paying maybe $600 an hour. I guess gambling on your own team to consistently lost the playdowns really does pay off.” –Voshkod

“Does the outpost where Crock takes place have running water? That seems unlikely, so the ‘ring in the bathtub’ must be a euphemism for something else. You know what they almost certainly do have there? Dysentery!” –Nekrotzar

“I’ve always rather liked Grossie’s mysterious friend, with her 1950s-Parisian-streetwalker/beleaguered-switchboard-operator vibe, and I can’t decide if it’s tactful or negligent that no one ever mentions the tongue, tumor, or parasitic blobfish on the back of her head.” –Violet

“‘To summer?’ they say, wondering when this strip might actually be published.” –pugfuggly

“The writer of Gasoline Alley has heard of the controversy about ‘AI Art,’ but never bothered to investigate further — I position I frankly respect.” –Ettorre

“When your best lead is that a month ago a couple of U-Hauls came through town, you don’t have any leads.” –jerp+jump

“The horror here is that we’re in the ‘uncanny valley,’ that visceral negative response to a figure that seems ‘almost’ human. But enough about Rufus — that robot seems nice.” –Lawyerbob

“The casual reader looks at these two panels and would logically assume that Rex is getting undressed so he can put on his PJs, but we Curmudgeonites know better — these ARE his PJs. That’s his pajama polo, his ever-so-comfy pajama khakis, and don’t forget the pajama belt, perfect for putting the kibosh on any late night hanky-panky with his cleavage-heavy wife. (We can’t see them in-panel, but I assume he’s just slipped on his pajama Rockports as well, thus completing the pajamensemble.)” –els

“Superior to Rufus? Low bar, ART, low bar.” –But What Do I Know?

“There are many ways to make a fun joke out of mass canine synchronized urination in an unnervingly unnatural-looking park, but this isn’t one of them. No tree has more than one dog pissing on it. Why is this tree so insecure when no dogs are choosing to double up on occupied trees to avoid it? There just aren’t enough dogs! The logic is completely inconsistent and I will not stand for egregious plot holes like this in my dog pee humor.” –jroggs

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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Happy Friday everyone! It’s the second Friday of the month, and that means … the Internet Read Aloud, my live comedy show, is BACK and better than ever in Los Angeles! It’s free, so please come (at 8:30 pm, I forgot to put that on the poster, whoopsie). Here’s the FB event!

And here’s your long-awaited (is seven days long?) COMMENT OF THE WEEK!

“The refrigerator and dishwasher that Blonde was clearly loading are now replaced by Dagwood in a frilly apron scrubbing dishes by hand. It’s obvious that this is some sort of cuck cosplay they’re livestreaming from their garage. Sadly, it’s a much more realistic scenario than Dagwood being employable as an office manager, particularly when his Eisenhower era brain thinks that ‘Looking good, gorgeous!’ can also get him out of a due diligence presentation.” –Quiggle

And here are your very funny runners up!

“I’m doing my part, unlike every other person in this town. You lazy-ass slackers make me sick.” –Merry Mirth

“His license plate says DOGNAP. The police never made the connection because they’ve been pronouncing it like it was a French word.” –Tom T.

“They’re all pictures of the outline of your skull and nothing else, but, sure, OK.” –taig

“Good thing we sprung for that eggproof glass barrier, it’s holding up pretty well! If I win this again next year, though, we’ll probably have to switch to bulletproof.” –jroggs

“Ha, ha, what fraction of the daily calls to the Santa Royale police department do you think Mary makes? A third? Half? Ninety percent?” –Thelonious_Nick

“A matter I’m not delusional about is that people do not stop having sex just because they get old. Old people may slow down a bit but many of them absolutely still fuck on a regular basis and enjoy sexual activities. And I’m a very sex positive person who enjoys openly horny works. What I am building to hear, is that I’m not inherently objecting to a strip in the newspaper trying to provide some fanservice for its target audience of out-of-touch old folks. I absolutely DO object to using Rufus from Gasoline Alley for that purpose, which I believe constitutes a war crime.” –ectojazzmage

“Loving the expression, love the posture. Yup, just a walrus sitting in a knarr doing walrus things, with my valuable blubber and my valuable ivory and my valuable fur and my valuable … uh, why are you all looking at me like that?” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“Gil is going to start to believe only by winning Coach of the Year can he bring his family back together, even if it means putting more hours in the office and seeing them less.” –Philip

“Run, little girl, run like the wind! They’re trying to make you take part in a Judge Parker plot!” –Peanut Gallery

“I like how the sheriff’s ‘again’ implies that this has already happened to him today, maybe multiple times? It’s a shame that we don’t get to see him also chased by a puma, a wolf, maybe a sasquatch? This could have been a whole Sunday strip!” –pugfuggly

“‘Like Dante before me, I use my art to roast those I don’t like. Behold!’ ‘Um…’ ‘It’s … he’s right there! It’s my brother, Jim! He’s always wasting money in Vegas!’ ‘That doesn’t look like your brother … it looks like … something … I guess.’ ‘What? It couldn’t be more clear! That’s Jim!’ ‘Maybe if I kind of … squint?’ ‘That’s it! You’re in the next Hell comic!’ ‘It’s a good thing … uh … no one will be able to recognize me.’ ‘Shut up!’” –Old Man Shadow

“The cops shake their heads. ‘Not one dead dog … and this guy calls himself a dogfighter. Tsk, tsk.’” –Hibbleton

“Where do I get those Rex Morgan, M.D., Squarebutt Trousers ?™??” –Babe Vigoda

“I am so sorry to posit that, judging from the expression of the troll on the left, there is a third option that involves neither murder nor the consumption of Hagar for food. The troll on the right? He’s fine, he’s having a ‘Look at meeee, I’m Haaaagar’ kind of time, but the one on the left is down for some kinky shit. And Hagar, well, he’s not not into the idea, his club might get a workout / Eddie’s ball isn’t the only thing that’s gonna be wet / etc.” –els

“Rex is about to become the star of their next viral video, ‘UNBELIEVABLE! Killjoy Neighbor RUINS Party!!’” –TheDiva

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!