“Naturally there’s a whole back room set up, complete with dartboard, ritualistically presented darts, and drunken Frenchman, when the modiste could simply pick a color or step away for a moment to pretend she’s consulting a designer. This really encapsulates what Crock is all about. It doesn’t matter how pointless and counterintuitive a scenario is; if it’s in the service of an unfunny half-joke that doesn’t really land anyway, Crock is always prepared to put in the work.” –Violet

“I like how the artist implies the dartboard was fashioned in a slapdash way to hide the fact that the artist had trouble drawing a dartboard.” –taig

“Mary to Toby: ‘Wait till you see the guy who just moved into Sual’s old place. What an Ass!’ ‘He’s a jerk?’ ‘No’” –Hibbleton

“I believe the joke is, riding the horse will make his butt sore, and ordinarily one would treat the soreness with liniment. So ‘preventive medicine’ is putting liniment on the saddle first. ‘Yeah! Something like that!’ is the appropriate response to this joke.” –Peanut Gallery

“Wrong, Dennis! After years of dealing with you, your mom has had an aneurysm and will be dead in minutes!” –Tmdess

“So did Mrs Nelson actually change her appearance (don’t answer, I don’t care), or is Curtis so stupid that he couldn’t parse what was going on with that sheet in from of her face? ‘Hey, we got a new teacher and her face is made of paper! Ha, don’t go out in the rain, Mrs Paperface, cuz you — OH NO IT’S MRS NELSON!’” –pugfuggly

“Maybe Curtis should be more concerned that Chutney has desecrated Charlie Chaplin’s grave and stolen his hat.” –Garrison Skunk

“What a wacky scenario for such a simple question, and Slylock’s answer is still wrong; up is a direction and does not point south from the North Pole. The correct answer is that Weirdly was speaking of the metaphorical south, by which he means he’s sending the foolish foxman to hell, courtesy of a fatal mauling by his diminutive purple lover. The aliens are just helping dispose of the corpse.” –jroggs

“Today’s Blondie is like one of those Platonic dialogues where one character’s lines are all ‘yes, Socrates,’ ‘to be sure, Socrates,’ ‘certainly, Socrates,’ if Socrates were an idiot.” –matt w

“If you lose your eyes to the eldritch powers and simply stand in the middle of a field listlessly as your mind falls into forever … you might be a plugger.” –ectojazzmage

“He’s thickening with every panel as if being mixed with corn starch.” –Brian Bergstrom, on BlueSky

“Hillend? Seriously? That’s a hobbit name, Kentish Hillend of the Brandybuck Hillends. Check his feet, Mary. He may be huge, but if they’re hairy, you’ve got a halfling on growth hormones to worry about.” –Voshkod

“Listen, Mister Redhead, do you know what comic strip you’re in? You are in Mary fucking Worth, and that means your tiresome and vaguely misogynistic turn-downs of help can go scratch. She will meddle and you will not stop her from meddling and that is, simply, that. Look at that sack of human heads / protein powder / old copies of Men’s Adventure Magazine, how it is LEAPING from that box in order to facilitate Mary’s meddling. That sack knows what time it is. Shut up and sit down, Mister Redhead. You’re about to learn that ladies can carry boxes whether you want to or not (spoiler alert: you don’t).” –els

“Why, though, Marvin’s dad? Is it the brown splotches on the dress that remind you of the daily hell your son subjects you to?” –Tabby Lavalamp

“In the Blondie offices, as in most modern comics centers, gags are written down on 5×7 index cards (pink for in-house jokes, white for those generated by ‘humor consultants’), which are then shuffled and sorted by large automated conveyor belts driven primarily by steam. Occasionally a card will slip behind a machine and only discovered years later when the line is shut down for routine maintenance and the application of salami oil, and so we get a woefully dated premise such as we see today. This is just the way it is, no one can convince me otherwise.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“The bag? I keep my free Duluth Trading Company underwear in this bag and just wash it in a river once a month. It’s tough! And the smell! Woodsy!” –Little Blue Bicycle

“Is it because the burgers are so good? No, you schmuck! They need someone in the local business community to offset the cost of their jerseys. Hockey isn’t cheap, man!” –Old School Allie Cat

“The joke, such as it was, was complete at ‘my burgers look like hockey pucks.‘ Why does Dagwood say anything? Do the writers forget that Lou isn’t real, so they don’t have to worry about hurting his feelings” –Rube

“Say what you like about Loon, but he’s the only character in Shoe still managing to wring some kind of joy or excitement out of life. Even preteen Skylar has checked out, haunted by the constant screams from the master bathroom, but Loon keeps pushing on.” –Navigator

“Loretta forgot the number one rule of being a Lockhorn: points can only be scored in the moment with a single barb. Long games, like hanging up a banner in the hopes Leroy will remember that he forgot your anniversary, will never get you anywhere. Step it up, girl! Leroy never remembers anything unless he can use it against you! He’s used cheap beer to scour his hippocampus to a fine sheen, becoming a creature of pure id! This isn’t Judge Parker, whose characters can occasionally be induced to feel shame!” –Navigator

“My guess: the Gasoline Alley team discovered that there is a hamlet named Mosquitoville, Vermont, and said, ‘That’s gold! How can we use this?’ Sad that this was the best they could do.” –Pozzo

“The modern comics pages are full of anachronisms to help make Boomers feel that time hasn’t passed them by, but I refuse to think that even they believe that anyone still sends letters through the mail anymore, even to … advice hobos?” –Tabby Lavalamp

“How many accountants? I have to steal a car with a bigger trunk!” –Little Guy

“Dennis has forsaken High Church Anglicanism for a more evangelical service at the feet of … former congressman Harold Ford Jr? … as his homage to the Heroes of 9/11. I guess?” –bad wolf

“So in Pardon My Planet, the people in Heaven are still miserable? That checks.” –nescio

“I sure hope Saul doesn’t plan to throw away his collection of antimacassars. Those things are worse than six-pack plastic rings when it comes to entangling birds and wildlife.” –Charterstoned

“Have you ever thought about heaven? You’re up on clouds, man. So much closer to the sun! Think of how hot that’s gonna be! So come on down to Crazy Carl’s Cryo Lab! We’ll freeze your head for $99.95! An eternity of cool head comfort or for however long the freezer in Carl’s garage lasts and remains unknown to the local authorities!” –Old Man Shadow

“Sprocket Nitrate has wisely decided to make her escape, having realized that her gimmick (walking around barefoot, and being named ‘Sprocket Nitrate’) is not enough to give her rogue’s gallery immunity but just enough to greatly increase the chances of a painful and ironic death, possibly through tetanus.” –TheDiva

“It’s not so much they are eating orange goo, but the quantity Loretta prepared. There will be anniversaries of these leftovers, Leroy.” –Kevin On Earth

“‘I want a hanging sign that reads Happy Anniversary. ‘No problem. Here at Party City we have dozens! Shiny gold or silver, festive red, rainbow, what color do you want?’ ‘Black. Matte black. Funereal matte black.’ ‘Uh … looks like we’re out of stock! Try Goth Gala, two doors over.'” –Voshkod

“I am totally looking forward to learning the email address associated with Rene’s Venmo!” –taig

“Own it Elmo! Time to show that you are too cool for school. Go buy some booze and smokes, and, flash that mustachioed Elmo photo. Just say you shaved it off because it was itchy!” –tallyHO

“Leroy is using ‘she means well’ as a devastating insult. Yet more confirmation that the Lockhorns are Jewish, on Erev Rosh Hashanah yet. Have we not suffered enough?” –Matt Weiner, on Bluesky

“I like how the box it came in doesn’t look like it’s giftwrapped, but more like it’s warning that it is carrying dangerous contents. So maybe the joke is actually ‘polonium.’” –pugfuggly

“I love love love that Saul’s computer desk is a little dinner trolley with handles. ‘Hmm, methinks I shall partake of some internet. Garçon, the laptop, if you please. And a smartphone for the lady.’” –Schroduck

“Nosy the Riveter” –Windier E. Megatons, on Bluesky

“Nice of the Judge to perform the ceremony on the steps due to the restraining order preventing Mary from entering Town Hall.” –Hibbleton

“Mary is wiping her tears with a hand ripped off a much smaller person and which she is brandishing by the severed forearm.” –lynn

“Mary thinking ‘I wish the dogs could be here’ may be her funniest line ever. Remember Madi, Saul’s grouchy zoomer great-niece(?) who bonded with Mary over their love of terrible 1970s recipes? Saul’s actual family? Mary doesn’t!” –Schroduck

“God, I really hope that Renee walked all the way over there with his finger in pointing position and continues the rest of this storyline with it deployed.” –pugfuggly

“Whether enhanced or diminished by her supercilious smirk and ‘why, I oughta…!’ body language I can’t quite say, but Mary is rocking the hell out of that head scarf. I’ll do a kerchief occasionally myself, but she’s arranged it just so, and it’s one thing in this panel that unquestionably works. If I stock up on the right kind of scarves—versatile patterns and of course some reliable solids—I could be looking at a well-nigh infallible bad-hair-day solution. What a grand day to be alive. Thank you, Mary. [whispers brokenly] Thank you.” –Violet

“‘Soldier buys cross-stitch home-sweet-home at a flea market because his parents abandoned him’ … is Beetle Bailey buying jokes from Tom Waits?” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“Gloria knew that eventually, Pavel might figure out that the two-week luxury yacht charter and the matching Prada shoe and handbag sets were not ‘necessary’ business expenses and she would have to pay, quite possibly with her life. But it was worth the gamble — after all, if Pavel were anything like the wealthy elites of Cavelton, he was very stupid indeed.” –TheDiva

“‘Dustin’s dad dies’ has the potential to be the best Dustin strip ever, possibly eclipsed only by ‘Dustin dies.’” –Brad D. Sibbersen

“In Lily Tomlin’s one-woman show, The Search for Signs of Intelligent Life in the Universe, the businesswoman character wears ‘something around the neck that looks sort of like a tie and sort of like a ruffle and sort of like a scarf and doesn’t threaten anyone because you don’t look good in it,’ and anyway, I just figured out Mary Worth’s backstory.” –matt w

“Elmo, not only is that not an alibi, in lawspeak we call it an admission.” –Bobby+Sneakers

“Clouds, check. Pearly Gates, check. St. Peter with a large book, check. Podium with a stoplight, che … wait, what?” –Weaselboy

“I like that one guy has chosen to sit in line, rather than stand. Because this process is probably going to take a long time! Besides, he could have died of knee weakness, for all we know. He’s dead. Let the poor guy be comfortable.” –made of wince

“Thel has a thousand-yard stare. It is bad enough to be the Family Circus mom, she does not look forward to the Marvification of the strip.” –Ettorre

“They’ll care for him until his parents are found. And the authorities are in a better position to monitor his incredibly rapid growth. His head is almost as big as we are now! By tomorrow, we’ll need a high-chair twenty feet tall to contain him! Even now, top scientists — I said top scientists, bear — are working on a one hundred foot tall play pen at a facility in the New Mexico desert. They can raise him there, indoctrinate him in vital national values and, when he finally turns eighteen and can join the military, America alone will have the Ten Mile Tall Man! Russia will tremble before us! China will fear his thunderous footsteps! Detroit will rename name 8 Mile Road in his honor! Fear to our foes and respect from our friends and you, bear, you will be there to witness the ultimate triumph of the United States under the shadow of this child, this future savior of the American Way! Also, the Feds will probably want to take you as well. I mean, after all, you’re a talking bear, and that’s not nothing.” –Voshkod

“Is this meant to be setting up as a problem that Rex Morgan, MD can solve? Aside from Buzzy having some brutal pins and needles when he comes out of that trunk, I’m not seeing it.” –MKay

“The uncanny foreground hands are making their move to take over the strip! Soon it will be all hands, all the time! I hope they at least know how to do a bunny rabbit.” –Peanut Gallery