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OK, well, now I feel kind of bad about my feud with Crock, if such a thing can properly ever have been said to exist, because it appears that Crock is closing up shop, and for … actually pretty heartfelt reasons. Strip creator Bill Rechin died last year, and, in that bizarre tradition that applies to the newspaper comics world and no other industry in America, his son Kevin took over the strip. Except that working on his father’s strip, instead of making him feel closer to his father as it might for others in his position, made him feel the loss all the more keenly. So instead of continuing, he’s closing it down; the last Crock strip will run on May 20. I want to offer my condolences to Mr. Rechin, and I hope he finds some peace from the move.

Anyway, now it is time for your COTW!

“No, no Rusty, the drug guys aren’t in jail. They’re still tied up to that tree where we left them. Have you ever dealt with the federal government? No, they won’t be in jail for two or three weeks, assuming they survive that long.” –cheech wizard

And your runners up! Very funny!

“Dying in childbirth? Honey, what decade do you come from? Update that subscription to W magazine, sister! It’s all about surviving childbirth so you can micromanage your child’s life these days!” –C. Sandy Cyst

“It all makes sense now. Every edition of Crock is addressed to one specific person and/or grudge, and is a complete mystery to everybody else.” –lorne

“Congratulations if you just googled ‘ABORBS’ to figure out if it was a real world. We’re equally idiotic!” –Chareth Cutestory

“Today on Reruns of Archie: that memorable storyline when the cast was turned into a swarm of buzzing bees! Here we see them abandoned by their queen and left to wander, bereft of purpose! Tomorrow: Jughead attempts to sting Coach Cleats!” –Black Drazon

“Look at the grin on Crankshaft’s granddaughter’s face, one of the biggest and most genuine in the history of the Funkyverse, as she gleefully and grattuitously forces him do something he really, really hates.” –Nekrotzar

“Miss Grundy’s all like, ‘Hey, you kids! Turn off those dildos!'” –Doctor Handsome

“The Riverdale ever-buzzing hive mind has been chastised by Miss Grundy, and for a moment, its seven lobes share a flickering of guilt. It leaves the building, lockstep, in unison, unhappiness creasing its seven brows. Then, the node of id, the Jughead, resumes its customary disdainful smirk. Soon, each unit mirrors it, and spoken simultaneously from seven mouths is the final decision: The fall of man.” –bunivasal

“That bus is perhaps the single greatest thing I’ve seen yet in Gil Thorp. I hope we’re treated to more storyline transitions inspired by the clip art options available in Microsoft Word 97.” –sporknpork

“I like that really shitty-looking ponytails are now an acceptable hairstyle for brides.” –Vulvarine

“There is no one on the other end of the phone. Mark is desperate to get out of the long-promised fishing trip with Rusty, so he is pretending to have an incoming call, and shouting to make sure Rusty will hear him from the next room. ‘WHAT? YOU SAY YOUR FATHER IS ACCUSED OF MURDER! AND THE PRESIDENT SAID THAT ONLY MARK TRAIL CAN HELP? BUT I PROMISED RUSTY I WOULD TAKE HIM FISHING! WHAT? THE PRESIDENT SAID THAT I HAVE TO COME THERE RIGHT NOW, OR HE WILL INVADE IRAN? I CAN’T HAVE THAT ON MY CONSCIENCE! RUSTY WILL UNDERSTAND … WON’T HE?” –Calvin’s Cardboard Box

“How can that lawman resist giving up all the answers? Mark has totally thrashed him in their ‘leaning furthest forward whilst exclaiming’ competition!” –Adam

I must thanks to all who put some cash into my tip jar! And we must give thanks to our advertisers:

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Early COTWs for you today because, like all right-thinking people within a 100-mile radius of Baltimore, I will be spending most of the day at the Maryland Film Festival. I expect to see you there, if you’re cool. But the rest of you can enjoy this comment of the week!

“And while we are on our way to the wedding across town, you will all be padlocked in this room. As the ceremony is taking place this building will be set on fire. Thank you all, we couldn’t have asked for a better wedding present!” –Nekrotzar

And the very funny runners up!

“The best detail in Mary Worth is how the taxi just has CAB written on the side, like it’s a generic brand taxi for people too cheap to spring for the brand name taxis with their seatbelts and trained drivers.” –Citric

“The sounds of Lois fapping her dirty rug outdoors while Irma ‘airs’ out Thirsty with a broom handle could be the premise of worst erotica slash fix ever.” –Sciencegiant

“I guess ‘estate’ sounds classier than ‘an abandoned ChiChis.'” –John C Fremont

“I am hoping, hoping hoping that the ‘big announcement’ turns out to be a hard-sell pitch for time-share condos in the Florida Keys.” –Yr Obt Servt

“Mr Blake is so bored by Tommie’s presence that he can’t actually even bring himself to look at her. ‘Nina is asleep, Tommie. And if I ever run out of the Zopiclone tablets I’ve become dependent upon since my wife’s death, I’ll be sure to give you a call, and you can bore me out of consciousness, too. Now I’m just going to stare fixedly at the wall behind you in an effort to shut out your prattling inanities.'” –Higgs Boatswain

“This yammering jagwagon’s ad-lib doesn’t even make any damn sense. He’s just saying a bunch of words in a vaguely wisecrack-y cadence. ‘Your hand? Hold it over your heart, and pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of My Penis! That was gold, right?! Improv!'” –Doctor Handsome

“Good boy, Andy … that’s enough, fellow! I don’t want to spend hours cleaning that hippie’s Brylcreem out of your claws.” –Fats Pinto

“The artists and color monkeys over at Spider-Man can’t seem to settle on a look for Hardy Laurel. Is his hair blonde or brown? Is he young or middle-aged? Is his scarf red or green? It’s like watching Bewitched if they kept changing Darrins in every shot.” –Mcbain

“It wasn’t a kiss and we weren’t drunk! I was just trying to take over his body by sucking what little remains of his soul from his body after weakening his defenses with alcohol. Actually okay I was pretty drunk too.” –Tophat

“Bobby and Gina seem to associate mainly with live studio audience members who know how to ‘gasp,’ ‘oooo,’ and ‘aaaaaw’ in unison at the appropriate time. Take special note of the two gentlemen in panel one who are looking to get in front of the camera themselves with their patented synchronized fist pumps.” –pugfuggly

“The second panel of Blondie is just a sampling of how it went down. ‘Ha! Ha! Couch zucchini! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Couch zucchini! Couch zucchini! Ha! Ha! Ha! Yeah! Couch zucchini! Ha! Ha!’ They were there for hours.” –Flamedrake

I must thanks to all who put some cash into my tip jar! And we must give thanks to our advertisers:

• Do you want to go to the moon?: Three lucky young winners will spend 172 hours on the moon at lunar base DARLAH 2. It’s the opportunity of a lifetime!

To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.

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Here is something that you might not know, because I haven’t really publicized it much on this blog: 18 months ago, after almost ten years of freelancing, I took a full-time job as associate online news editor at ITworld, a very nice site where I got to work with great people covering technology. Four weeks ago, I quit. My last day was Friday.

I didn’t quit because the job was bad (it wasn’t, and if you live near Boston or San Francisco and would like to apply for it, you can). But I was burned out on the process of coming up with quick reactions to news all the time. And what I really wanted to do — what I’ve wanted to do ever since this blog started connecting with a large audience, years ago now — was be funny, full time.

You can read all my process-y feelings about it over on my jfruh.com blog, but the short version is that I’ve quit my job to try to do full-time writing, mostly funny. This is completely bonkers, obviously. I couldn’t do it without my wife supporting me (in more ways than one) in this decision, but it’s still pretty terrifying. Of course I shall continue to mock Mary Worth over here; but I hope you all will come along with me as I try out other stuff as well. I have several projects in the works, some of which will never see the light of day, some of which will hopefully blow your minds. The best way to follow all the stuff I’m doing is to follow my Twitter or Facebook or Google+ or Tumblr (which is also just a regular blog that has an RSS feed and everything). And of course I’ll announce the big stuff here.

Oh, and if you’re a professionally funny person who’s always thought, “Gee, I’d sure like to collaborate with Josh Fruhlinger on something,” well, now’s your chance! Shoot me an email at bio@jfruh.com. I suddenly have some free time on my hands.