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It’s time once again for your Friday comment of the week! I did eventually tackle Luann this week, but Maggie’s comment pretty much describes why it took me so long.

“I can’t believe you’re calling out hot sexy comic strip action without mentioning this week’s Luann! Is it because you eyes burn with shame and confusion each day this queasiness progresses? Because … because I get that. When I saw Toni Daytona charlie horse humping Brad today, I called in sick and went back to bed.” –Maggie

And your runners up! Very funny!

“The dissonance between Adrian’s desperate eyes in the first panel and her claim to be ‘calm and happy’ is something out of a POW video. If this were a live video, her eyes would be blinking the horrific truth in Morse code.” –Johnny Knuckles

“Wait, is Mary eating a Pantone PMS 727 indeterminate puff, or her own middle finger? Apparently even she isn’t immune to the oily, seeping tendrils of boredom Adrian shoots out like strangler vines.” –bunivasal

“Mary, try the hors d’oeuvres! I chose these plain, gray crackers to symbolize our impending bland, unsatisfying marriage.” –Ethan Shuster

“We find it intriguing that shades of lavender seem to be de rigueur at Charterstone this week: the higher the status, the darker the hue. Mrs. Worth is, of course, exempt. When purple becomes the badge of the common folk, the nobility wears teal. ” –Fashion Police

“Also, the Lodge tyranny explains why Archie hasn’t done a stroke of proper work in several decades. Honestly, look at that complacent yawning mug. It makes me thirst for the revolution.” –TruthOfAngels

“I think we can mark today as the day grad school has official broken me: I read that Archie strip and found myself nodding knowingly at the final panel. ‘I feel you, Archie comic spinster schoolmarm lady. Students are the worst!'” –Revenge of Chesnut

“I’m pretty sure that when Mark gets out of the shower, he’ll just rip off that layer of skin, revealing a new layer of khaki just underneath. He only really needs to shower in order to maintain his slicked-wet hairdo.” –Jim North

“Funky Winkerbean: The ‘my wife’ joke actually makes a lot of sense because as Les’s handler for this stop of the tour, I’m pretty sure Mike now wishes he were dead, like Lisa.” –No Stupid Bear

“‘I think one of us had a little too much to drink’ reflects Doc Jeff’s confusion over whether this hot young booze-addled blonde’s come-on stems from her disinhibition or his hallucination. Either way, it’s the best damn day of his life.” –Uncle Lumpy

“I’m glad we still don’t know whether or not Mark has nipples. Either answer would be creepy.” –Poteet

“Shoe: I imagine that the art intern was charged with drawing a Treetops version of Santa, but the beak didn’t work. And he started asking himself if this Santa-bird would still have a beard, and how would that make any sense? Then he spent the rest of the day weeping in the corner.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“As soon as Les gets the projector set up, we are all invited up his ass for a slideshow commemorating Lisa’s suffering and death, projected onto the interior of his rectum. (Musical accompaniment: ‘I Will Remember You’ by Sarah McLachlan.)” –Walker of Dog

“The romantic misadventures of Aunt Iris are clearly building up to a spin-off strip entitled Willard Scott: Taxicab Matchmaker.” –Doctor Handsome

“Damn you, Comics Curmudgeon. For the first time in my life I find myself seeking out today’s Mary Worth to see what happens. By the way, Jill appears to be melting.” –k#

“Greg Evans is just messing with us. I think he originally draws Brad and Toni having sex, for his own perverse enjoyment, then uses Photoshop to move them two feet apart and add clothing. The dialog’s unchanged.” –cheech wizard

“I hope the cabman manages to be pretty assertive with his advice, considering Aunt Iris’ gift-giving history. Otherwise our hapless cyclist may be spending the next few weeks rearranging his living room around a civil-war cannon, old-timey jukebox and full-sized puppet theater.” –Violet

“It seems to me that ‘another incident’ is exactly what Adrian wants: look at that smile on her face as she proffers Jill support. ‘No,’ Jill mumbles, ‘I don’t want any water.’ ‘It’s vodka, sweetie, now drink up … we’ve both got four more hours of this crap.'” –I am Jack’s username

“Family Circus: No, Dolly, they’re ‘triplets,’ not ‘threeplicates.’ Not everyone was grown in a vat like you and your brothers.” –Mr. Goboto

“Pretty sure you’re giving Marvin’s look of terror way too much credit for listening/caring to the beings around him. It is just random happenstance timing, that he just dropped a massive, unexpected deuce in his pants. In which case the bug eyes are less ‘terror’ and more ‘SURPRISE DUMP EGO POWER SURRRRRGE.'” –Wilbur

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Just a quick COTW this week, and then I’m taking a belated holiday weekend off. See y’all Monday! Here’s your top comment:

“Come on, Mary. Why look so scared? It’s beautiful when two people find real love. You should give it a chance. What? Why not give it a chance, Mary? Perhaps you should work on whatever problem is holding you back from love. What would Jung say, Mary?” –Comcis Fan

And the funny runners up!

“I thought calling Ziggy a loser was a statement of fact, not an insult. It’s like calling your physician ‘doctor.'” –TheDiva

“I’m inordinately worried about that cup of boiling-hot tea precariously perched on the arm of the couch in today’s Marvin. Actually, ‘worried’ might not be the right term. ‘Hopeful’ might be better.” –Patrick

“Ah! So this ludicrous ‘undercover fisherman’ storyline is just an excuse to have Bill Ellis pose in creepy ways for HR’s next sexual harassment PowerPoint.” –Doctor Handsome

“I guess I just don’t see why this Mark Trail strip has to be from Bill’s point of view anyhow, seeing as he’s just repeating everything Mark’s saying in the first place, sitcom-style. ‘Why yes, Mark, Kelly and her bizarrely Rusty-like face are here. What? Why yes, she IS wearing her modest fuchsia top and apparently masturbating right in front of me. How did you know?'” –els

“I can’t wait for Kelly Welly to get to the fishing hole for a week of bacchanalian debauchery with Mr. Trail. She’ll blow his cover and his mind.” –Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™

“I .. I can’t tell how many eyes that moose has.” –whozitwhatzit

Big thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And we must of course give thanks to our advertisers:

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As promised, here’s your Friday comment of the week — comment of the last nearly two weeks, due to the shift:

“‘We think you are the most qualified person to help us’ is such an indefensibly stupid thing to say, where ‘you’ = ‘Mark Trail,’ that the strip immediately cuts to a very long view of the scene. ‘Obviously there’s no longer any reason to listen to this guy. Here are some ducks, conspicuously not discussing Mark Trail’s “qualifications.” Don’t they look wise?'” –Mollie

And the runners up! Very funny! And very many, because so long in waiting:

“I do love Frank’s brilliant political sense. ‘If this little-known nature reporter writes an article in an obscure magazine, I’m done for! But if that reporter dies under mysterious circumstances and all the evidence points to me … happy days are here again!'” –The Ghost of Jarrod

“‘Holy M**krel’ indeed. I thought MT was a family strip where gentlemen formally apologize to each other as they take their beatings, and now this? Filth.” –DumbBlone

“So you’re fine with how Billy is wearing a clean white shirt with collar and cuffs, more dressed up than the average churchgoer is for First Communion these days? What’s he doing, going right from dinner to managing a ‘Nifty Fifty’ stock portfolio in 1968?” –Chip Whittle

“Mark Trail: Say what you will about Mary Worth, but it didn’t take Aldo the better part of a week to drive over a cliff.” –Charlene

“Scott, my hero! He’s so assertive, and confident, and, er, physically intimidating with women, and, um, easily angered … But at least Mary likes him, so … Hoo-boy, I’ve made a terrible mistake, haven’t I?” –BigTed

“Sure it looks bad when the obviously-drunk Scott starts an altercation in the middle of the wedding store, but really, could you go shopping for invitations with Adrian, Jill, and Mary Worth without getting completely hammered first? I thought not.” –Truckasaurus

“The clown wants Ziggy’s funnies — or as the rest of us call them, kidneys.” –Master Mahan

“Jill reeled away from Scott. ‘No, assertive and dominant males! My one weakness!’ Panicking, she ran off into the night and the entire department store cheered. Then, Scott and Adrian finally got married, in the prettiest wedding Charterstone had ever seen. Anyways, I’m glad you all stuck with me through this extended Mary Worth fanfic. It’s really hard to bring back characters from old storylines, and to write fanfic in general when you’re a misogynist, and I appreciate that you all … what? King Features is publishing what?” –Black Drazon

“I love how Mark thinks that pulling a lifeless, ripped-apart torso from a burning car counts as saving it.” –Mark

“Why would you want an easily forgettable design? Why not be like Mary, whose top will be haunting my dreams for months to come and may cause me to seek solace in therapy or alcohol?” –Pozzo

“Would you mind picking up a few groceries for me? I wrote this list down five months ago, and was starting to think I’d never find someone to thrust it at … angel.” –ks

“I’m sorry, I don’t follow Funky Winkerbean anymore because I still have the will to live.” –Cranky

“Panel one of Mark Trail is amazing. Considering that it doesn’t cost comic strips any more to have flaming cars suspended from cliff faces than it does to have talking heads, I’m now profoundly disappointed in every other comic ever.” –Aviatrix

“Is there any downside to Aunt May marrying the Mole Man? She seems taken with his gentlemanly-like kidnapping, and she’d no longer be a lonely widow. And he seems to be able to take care of himself, so there’s not a lot of risk of him dying due to SpiderMan’s apathetic behavior towards criminals. (‘Hmm, I can’t decide between watching TV or fighting the Giant Weed Wacker of Death … oh no! Uncle Mole Man has been slain while I was watching American Idol. Now I feel guilty.’)” –FafMor

On the first panel of this strip: “There are musicals with subtler choreography.” –commodorejohn

“I like how Daddy’s phrasing and Mommy’s expression indicate there has been no discussion about dinner. It’s not we who decided who was making dinner, just I. ‘You know what? I bet I could make dinner. So, is the oven hot all the time, or is there someone I have to call?'” –He Brought Queenie Baby Jesus

“For the past few days, I’ve been wondering where the bums in Dick Tracy got all the Cubs merch. Today, I’m far more preoccupied with where they got those kicky scarves that look like human arms.” –Gold-Digging Nanny

“Also, what happened to Donna’s necklace between panels 1 and 2? Is she promoting her website with the world’s most modest striptease?” –Patrick

“PJ is just biding his time: ‘Stay cool, ’J, stay cool. It’s only a matter of time before you’re tall enough to reach the knife drawer.'” –bourbon babe, unbuckled

“‘Addicted to life in a courtroom?’ Does he suck the bailiff’s blood?” –Lawyerbob

“Sure, Jim Davis may have insulted veterans yesterday, but where is the apology for those of us that read Garfield every day?” –Darkefang

“I’m just admiring how June’s eyes match her shirt, a lovely pea-soup green. Contacts? Jaundice? Who can say?” –bbofun

“Just who the hell is on the other end of this conversation, anyway? Does Zombie Hank Ketcham think that Facebook cold-calls people to encourage them to join?” –This Guy

“‘You need anything … and I mean ANYTHING … you call me, Miss.’ ‘You mean like … sexual intercourse?’ ‘Oh no … ho ho ho … I mean actual repair help. See, while I look bland and milquetoast, the secret is I actually am.'” –tb4000

“Are the Poles white enough to move into A3G territory? Go figure.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Mark, I hope we can be friends again. Because I still want to try to kill you in laughably ineffective ways.” –Flummoxicated

“What do you mean not naturalistic? There’s a duck! It’s right there! How much more naturalistic do you want?” –Tim

“Let’s see. I think I have the Milford Power Structure figured out: The town police chief informs the football coach/athletic director of all pending criminal investigations surrounding his team. The coach feints the use of a suspended student in a game to lure the principal into the open. AND AT THE HOMECOMING BONFIRE WE BURN THE INFIDELS! Go Mudlarks.” –UncleJeff

“Wow, yeah, most people would probably go with the somewhat more defensible ‘Hey, if I don’t do it, someone else will,’ but no, according to Cody, somebody’s got to do it. ‘What, coach? Kids need drugs; I need cash — it’s win-win. Do you honestly want to live in a world where the kids walk around not constantly high as fuck? Does anyone?'” –Violet

“Perhaps Mark thinks the US Customs Department is in charge of actual, you know, customs — wearing white after Labor Day, fireworks vs sparklers, whether dogs can come into restaurants, who can safely wear facial hair, that sort of thing. Otherwise I can’t imagine why he finds this guy ‘interesting’.” –The Ridger

“Much like Ziggy, our sun is about 40% too small to go out in some sort of gargantuan cataclysm, leaving a profound permanent hole in what we thought was reality behind. No, like Ziggy, Sol will flare up furtively for a few hundred million years before shrinking forever into a paralyzingly unremarkable white dwarf. Which I guess makes this the best Ziggy joke ever.” –Johann Sebastian Coch

“Agent Giant Duck is right, Mark, you can easily mix with fishermen. I’ve got to get back to the set of It Happened One Night before Claudette Colbert notices that I’m gone.” –Ed Dravecky

“I must admit, I’d like to see David Dimbleby commentating on the Mole Man/May wedding. ‘And on the left hand side of this dark, underground cavern, we can see — or we could if there was any light — the Children’s Choir of Subterrainea. Of course, Moloids are unable to speak, let alone sing, but these mutated monsters have been personally selected by Mole Man for the harmony of their disturbing squelching noises…'” –Some Guy

“If the Mole Man spent two months salary on that engagement ring, I think lazy-ass Peter better start addressing him as Uncle Mole and ask if he has any openings at the mine.” –LUJBEM FEJF

“Apparently, ‘Well-Known Outdoorsman’ is a thing now.” –Doctor Handsome

“Oh, Spiderman doesn’t want Aunt May to marry a wealthy stranger? Maybe he should have thought of that before he let her old husband die!” –AndyL

“For a foster kid with emotional attachment disorder, Cody has a pretty breezy, mellow outlook. Oh right, the drugs.” –Walker of Dog

“Jeffy’s attempt to fool his grandmother into believing that heretical modern behavior like ‘reading’ is countenanced when she is not present is sadly belied by that dust coming off the book when it is closed.” –DaveyK

“The compulsive exposition at the end of Dick Tracy plots is charming — like a six-year old with a stutter trying to explain a Harold Pinter play.” –Uncle Lumpy

“A3G is setting up the most convoluted ‘twelve inch pianist’ joke EVER.” –One-eyed Wolfdog

Big thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And we must of course give thanks to our advertisers:

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