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It’s Friday, which means (a) it’s comment of the week day, but also (b) we’re a week away from the Internet Read Aloud, and we have a VERY SPECIAL Internet Read Aloud this month, featuring Annie Rauwerda of Depths Of Wikipedia fame, which if you know about me you know is a project that is very much my jam and I am very excited about it. Please come to this one, if you’ve been putting it off! Here’s the Facebook event, and the poster!

And here, of course, is the aforementioned COTW!

“Tomorrow at the diner, Lou says to Dagwood: ‘So. Yesterday was National Food Day. We had a big special menu and everything.’ Awkward pause. ‘Didn’t see you around.’” –Peanut Gallery

And here are the very funny runners up!

“Dustin spends 365 days a year shitting on Millennials, but Mary Worth just a had to spend one day for the excellent burn ‘killed by a selfie.’ Bow to the master!” –@Ettore_Costa, on Twitter

“For the past 20 years, airline pilots have been America’s heroes, to be respected and not mocked. Now Dustin’s dad is breaking that taboo. Now, I don’t support attacking anyone over a joke, but if one last surge of patriotism got Dustin’s dad beaten up by the passengers or arrested by the air marshal… well, I’d turn a blind eye.” –Schroduck

“The only thing I want now from Mary Worth is for each of the characters to fall into their own unique body of water to their apparent demise, only to wind up at a Club Med. Dr. Jeff into the cove near the Bum Boat, Dawn into the Great Salt Lake, Toby into a bottle of Dasani … I want the lot.” –Vice President John Adams

“A father seeing the image of his adorable infant daughter on a mug and asking, ‘What’s that?’ with a look of total deflation is a real showcase of how postpartum stress doesn’t discriminate. Try and find joy in these moments, Hi. After all, she won’t be a baby forever! What’s that? Oh, I’m sorry, carry on.” –Irrischana

“The boss really stumped me today. He looked over my completely inappropriate display of food and told me, with contempt dripping in his voice, that he only kept me on the job out of pity. That he knew he should fire me, but something held him back. A inner demon he fought with every day, a spark of kindness that he knew he needed to tamp out before I destroyed the company. He reminded me that I was always there on sufferance, and that some day he’d finally be ruthless enough to fire me, to blackball me from the industry, to end my laziness and stupid costumes and misuse of IT resources. He said his only joy was telling me of the Damoclean sword that dangled above my head at all times. Then the old bastard took the drumsticks from my turkey and walked off. I just don’t get it.” –Voshkod

“It takes a special kind of cultural myopia to watch an adaptation of a Pulitzer-winning drama about how racism and toxic masculinity inhibit the pursuit of the American Dream and think ‘I wanna drive the garbage truck!’” –TheDiva

“Summer’s book will presumably be a damning exposé on the corrupt, decaying nature of Westview aimed at destroying small-town nostalgia. It will contain numerous passages about the town’s rampant mental health issues and out of control cancer rates borne out of incompetent city planning. ‘The lead poisoning has rendered many of the townsfolk so delusional that they can no longer respond to anything without making a heavy-lidded smirk.’” –ectojazzmage

“Normally on a call-in format you’d have a producer who would be able to screen out the most inane calls, so you get an idea of how popular this show is. I can only imagine that after this call was ended they went to fifteen minutes of dead air, broken occasionally by the sound of Dustin’s mom taking sips of coffee.” –pugfuggly

“Buck once had a damn nail through his head, but a tall loud man is too weird for him to deal with. Sad, really.” –made of wince

“I really hope that guy eats Buck.” –Mike Ricotta, on Facebook

“Before I read the caption, I thought she was about to give birth. I know she doesn’t look pregnant, but kangaroo embryos are, like, the size of a worm.” –Pozzo

“[I emerge from bushes] ‘USE YOUR OTHER HAND ZAK!!’ [I disappear back into the bushes]” –Kevin On Earth

“The bad news is that Iris can’t rescue her imperiled boyfriend. The good news is the rockface Zak is clinging to seems to be rolling over seeing as the rock has already tilted 30 degrees in his favor. So in a few seconds Iris won’t have to do anything at all to help him, though by the time Zak is safe she will have her own problems.” –jroggs

“This derisive attitude toward recreational marijuana seems pretty rich coming from someone who’s been disregarding the office no smoking policy for at least thirty years.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“Ah the annual Closing of Montoni’s. Everyone gather around the mammography unit and deck the halls with issues of ‘Mystery in Space!’ It’s time to get halfway through a carol before cutting it off with a heavy-lidded pun!” –Dan

“I overthink the economics of Funky Winkerbean but I’ve been to a lot of small towns and if that town can’t even support the local pizza joint anymore it’s time to move before Lord Humungous appears out of the desert and enslaves the residents.” –jerp+jump

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Folks!!!!! Just two weeks from today, in Los Angeles, we have a VERY SPECIAL Internet Read Aloud, featuring Annie Rauwerda of Depths Of Wikipedia fame, which if you know about me you know is a project that is very much my jam and I am very excited about it. Please come to this one, if you’ve been putting it off! Here’s the Facebook event, and the poster!

I’m also very excited about this week’s comment of the week!

“Looks like a treacherous hike for such an old lady as Iris. What if she slips and falls, becomes injured, and Zak has second thoughts about dating a frail old woman? What if he goes to Mary for advice on how he could possibly be involved with someone so limited? What if Mary convinces him that old people aren’t all weak and fragile by decisively beating him in a dramatic arm wrestling match, spread out over a week?” –Drew Funk

Are the runners up also exciting, and hilarious? You bet!

“Nice Cassandra Cat sketch, Mr. Kat. Was she working as a model or did you sketch her here in the studio? I’m asking because I want to know if she just picked your pocket or stole your entire safe full of forged cash. Hold on, I’ve got her on speed dial. Cass? It’s me again. Mm-hm. Koppy Kat’s studio. I just want your ali… yes? …..Max, there are no penguins in the Arctic, right?” –Blackdrazon

“‘Boxing Bucks‘ is a painting by a world-renowned nature artist in the same sense that nudists started calling themselves naturists.” –matt w

“My favorite part of today’s Crock is the first throwaway panel that implies Crock is taking the call inside the giant rock Crock.” –nescio

“The threat of divorce is a gun with a single bullet, but that isn’t stopping Abbey from pulling the trigger on that empty chamber just to enjoy the click.” –jroggs

“You know, you just know, that Leroy jumped into that pile of leaves out of pure, unbridled spite. Picture it: Leroy and Loretta are walking down the sidewalk, trading hateful barbs about the doughnuts they’re about to buy, when they spot a fresh pile of leaves. ‘Remember the fun of jumping into fresh piles of leaves? Were leaves invented yet when you were a kid?’ asks Leroy. Loretta rolls her eyes. ‘I refuse to believe you’ve ever had fun,’ she says. ‘Not when I’m talking with you,’ Leroy shoots back, then takes a grim-faced running start, jumps, and lands on what was apparently a thin veneer of leaves coating a pile of rakes, boulders, and possibly an IED.” –els

“Can’t wait for them to get trapped up a tree by a wolf, forcing Iris to reexamine her priorities when she witnesses Wilbur arrive to save them only to get savagely mauled.” –Will’s Nightmare, on Twitter

“On some level, I’m amazed they were able to follow one of the most patently overdone lines that probably exists in all fiction, ‘Are you okay, honey?’, with what’s surely a line that no one in the history of language has ever said before: ‘Where you go, I go, Zak dear.’” –Amelie Wikström

“The fact that the devil mentions how many times Grimm bit the saleslady means that in each occasion Grimm had the choice not to, meaning that he had free will and salvation depends on deeds, not faith alone and predestination. Once comic strips displayed Irish and Italian caricatures, but these days they are imbued with Popery! Is this still America?!” –Ettorre

“Look at the faces on these homeowners. You think they wanted to host a 5-person formal dinner party? Where one of the guests is a rude, rambunctious child? They’ve been dreading this thing all day, and to know that dorky ol’ Henry Mitchell doesn’t want to be there either is the ultimate slap in the face.” –Carsick Yankee

“The joke is lost on me because I can’t get past Dennis’s jacket and tie, clearly from the ‘Li’l Rodney Dangerfield’ collection.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“Oh, man, this is exactly what I wanted from this Funky storyline: a reworking of It’s A Wonderful Life with Crankshaft as a guardian angel who actually recommends suicide. ‘And obviously I was right. I mean, look at me now. Don’t make the same mistake I did.’” –Applemask

“I found my way to go on by becoming a bus driver. Diesel fumes take longer, but it’s way less painful, and if you ever change your mind and decide to go the short way, you can take a bunch of kids with you!” –pastordan

“A ‘shake and bake’ joke directed at a goose, or any domesticated fowl for that matter, seems like the kind of discriminatory behavior that could get a funeral parlor’s license pulled. No wonder Ms. Goose looks so shocked and offended.” –Where’s Rocky?

“That’s my husband in there. I decide what I can do about it. Now put on these scrubs and get in there! ‘But … but…’ ‘No buts! Move it.’” –Hibbleton

“This plot is pretty much being telegraphed. And since it’s Mary Worth, I mean that literally as the most modern means of communication available.” –Kevin On Earth

“I like this new trend where Gil talks strictly in silly cliches. Tune in tomorrow when he’ll teach a french class using only the phrases ‘Sacré Bleu!,’ ‘That’s the ticket!’, and ‘Do NOT go in there!’” –pugfuggly

“Full offense to Mister Thorp here, but if MY boss randomly walked up to me, asked if I would fill in for somebody out sick while I was already busy, then automatically assumed I’m saying yes before I can even get a word in edgewise, I’d be calling the union. Do incompetent coaches have unions?” –ectojazzmage

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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No fuss no muss just COTW!

“At that age, you should only have two possible items on your bucket list: either ‘not dying’ or ‘dying.’” –Ettorre

The runners up? Also very funny.

“I think every Mary Worth strip ought to take time to include Wilbur’s POV, as they do here in panel 6.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“It figures that animalist propaganda would depict the Weirdly family as degenerate hippie communist stock. Anything to discredit the Human Resistance.” –TheDiva

“If you look closely, you’ll realize that it’s not the robot that’s plugged into the wall, but the chair it’s sitting on. So it’s sitting on an electric chair — not the execution device, but simply an electric version of what appears to otherwise be a typical desk chair. Also, it takes three plugs, kind of like a desktop computer hooked up to the internet would be. None of this helps with actually understanding the comic — the opposite, in fact — but it’s important to note.” –Westing1992

“Just remember kids, it’s only a problem unless you win the football game for your school. That makes you good for exactly one week.” –Kevin On Earth

“You should see this speech bubble, Guy! The one I’m pointing at!” –made of wince

“Well, I know what I’m most surprised by, and that’s the weird, unsettling effect of a mostly-realistic character plopped down next to another, more classically cartoonish one. Mr. Scanarelli has refused to allow his readers to settle into a comfortable visual groove for years, of course, but then the strip has refused to allow Walt a dignified death for decades, so why should we be any different? Dying, I mean. It’s the only way out of the Gasoline Alley universe, and not for the characters.” –pastordan

“Photographing sharks under water seems much more doable than photographing them above water.” –But What Do I Know?

“I want to know what horrible pre-death activity Walt wrote that made Gertie elide over it with a polite, if shocked, ‘oh my!’ Was it sexual, scatological, or blasphemous?

• I shall make war on God in Heaven and tear down His eternal city.
• I want to [REDACTED] the [REDACTED] of [some 1920s silent movie vamp none of us have ever heard of].
• I’m gonna poop on Patton’s grave.” –Voshkod

“The Sea-Preme Court’s overturning of Row vs. Wade has made it illegal for mermaids to terminate their pregnancies under any circumstances, ending the arrangement with carnivorous birds like storks to take care of devastating genetic abnormalities in the population.” –Philip

“I don’t know if Susan Konar planned to throw in so many disturbing questions about mermaid reproduction that the putative joke of the stork wanting to eat the baby would get buried, but that’s what she’s wound up doing.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“In panel 1, Manley has really managed to capture that moment when you’re trying to stifle a burp mid-sentence. ‘I was on the phone with Steve when _ _ (mumph!) _ _ when it happened.’” –Hibbleton

“If number three on a list of ten reasons is ‘It’s a talking point with your friends’ I can’t imagine what horrors the list descends into by number ten. Probably it’s ‘There’s a whole community of bidet-owners and, let’s face it, they’re your only chance at having friends if you think it’s normal to sit around talking about shitting.’” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“Yeah, I have known young musicians who were sadly hung up on the ‘27 club,’ but they always included Kurt Cobain. The writers of the strip, though, know that they are taking a chance by assuming that their readers have heard of Jimi Hendrix.” –Rube

“The reasoning behind this Beetle Bailey is more simple than it appears. The writer just shouted into his phone, ‘Siri what is a famous fictional dog I can put in my comic strip please?’ And he took the first answer given without checking its source. The secret ingredient is not caring!” –Chance

“Marley had her eyeballs removed to play Sandy, hope the Bony was worth it.” –nescio

“I also like the weird expression Curtis’ mom is drawn with in the imaginary panel, as if she’s cursing her own dummy thiccness.” –ectojazzmage

“At least Curtis is classy enough to say ‘young lady‘ instead of some horrible sexist epithet. He must have picked that phrase up from his father, who regales Curtis with stories about ballroom dancing to the music of Glenn Miller.” –Peanut Gallery

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!