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Folks! It’s TONIGHT! The Internet Read Aloud, America’s favorite live comedy show about the Internet, is COMING BACK, live on stage, in Los Angeles!

Look at all these beautiful faces that you will see make comedy noises at you!

Here’s the Facebook event, if you’re interested! We used to have the show at 8 but now it’s at 7, so be sure to come at 7 if you come!

And now, your comment of the week:

“I assume the unexpected sight in Dagwood’s gullet is a wholly undigested 6-foot hoagie.” –Vice President John Adams

And your runners up! Very funny!

“The chances that this guy’s name isn’t even ‘Harley’? Extremely high.” –TwiggyJake, on Twitter

“An uncommon mouth is so much better than those vulgar, common mouths that the peasants have … you know, fit only for chewing gruel.” –Vulcan With A Mullet

“Roses are red,
Violets aren’t, cripes;
Your womanly beauty reminds me
Of actor Wesley Snipes.” –jroggs

“The Teachers Workroom: Because getting through a conversation with these coworkers is a chore.” –Joe Blevins

“If Toby has such an uncommon mouth, how come she had to use her HANDS to catch and throw that Frisbee?” –Charterstoned

“Bird and reptile propaganda will try to spin this tragedy as proof of the superiority of laying eggs.” –Ettorre

“Why are they throwing around a lid to an industrial-sized jar of peanut butter? Surely, frisbees aren’t that expensive.” –taig

“Slylock knows why there aren’t enough life jackets: they wasted one on Max.” –nescio

“Once again the comics have unveiled a new super-niche kink demographic, in Fifty Shades of Frisbee.” –Ben Harper, on Twitter

“Actually, Leroy, that’s not a spa; Loretta’s going to a meeting of SPA — Spouse Poisoner’s Anonymous. Enjoy your laughs … while you can.” –Pozzo

“Dagwood chuckled to himself, softly, upon hearing Dithers’ conversation around the corner. A compromise, he called it. If only the boss knew that by donning the colors of Mardi Gras, that Bacchanalia of fatty fried cuisine, Dagwood’s power had doubled — nay, quadrupled in intensity. He had gained a modicum of control over his universe. Dagwood decided to start out small — manifesting bits of floating confetti here, maintaining the temperature of the gumbo there — but soon, like boiling a frog in a pot, little by little, he would increase his influence. Yes — by this time tomorrow, there would be no tomorrow. There would be only Mardi Gras, now and forever.” –Austria

“The television in the breakroom at DitherCo is constantly tuned to the Holiday Channel, your number one source for holiday information. Today it’s wall-to-wall coverage of Mardi Gras; tomorrow, it features Ash Wednesday, Texas Independence Day, and a short clip on Sri Lanka’s Air Force Day that runs at like 2 A.M.” –Voshkod

“For a brief moment I thought a medical professional was finally going to get to the bottom of whatever the hell has been going on with Dagwood’s neck for the last 90ish years.” –tristanitis, on Twitter

“It’s nice to see them showing some creativity by moving on from ripping off sixty year old Marvel comics to ripping off forty year old Captain Planet cartoons.” –Where’s Rocky?

“EXTRA EXTRA LOCAL MOM’S PRIZE WINNING COOKIE RECIPE IS JUST THAT REFRIGERATED DOUGH THAT COMES IN A TUBE” –made of wince

“Tonight, Les Moore will corner Marvin’s dad in a dark alley with a knife to his throat, hissing ‘This is your last warning: stay out of heavy-lidded smug ennui if you know what’s good for you.’” –pastordan

“Look at that face. He is so proud of himself, y’all. He practiced in the mirror all last night, running the plan over and over again: “First I throw the Frisbee at her! And she’ll throw it back! And then we’ll be playing Frisbee, and then I’ll seal the deal by saying I’m glad I initiated a fling with her, and then she’ll laugh, and laugh, and then we’ll do the thing I drew us doing two nights ago, only we’ll do it on a pile of Frisbees.’” –els

“Ugh, go to Funky Winkerbean with that wordplay, Cal. At least they’d have the sense to be appalled and disgusted by it.” –TheDiva

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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Hello everyone! Do not forget, the Internet Read Aloud, America’s favorite live comedy show about the Internet, is COMING BACK, in just a week!

There’s still time to buy your plane tickets for this once-in-a-lifetime once-a-month event! Here’s the Facebook event, if you’re interested! We used to have the show at 8 but now it’s at 7, so be sure to come at 7 if you come!

And no matter what your show-attending status, please enjoy this week’s top comment!

“My mom says looking at her Chico’s catalog while jerking off is a waste of time. Also, I have serious Mommy Issues — will you swaddle me?” –Old School Allie Cat

The runners up? Also very funny!

“As I was saying, we’re not going to make an offer. Mr. Thorson here has very kindly agreed to beat the shit out of you.” –Peanut Gallery

“The only pleasure I get from this is when Dustin’s dad eyes his phone warily in panel one, as if to say, ‘Oh, god, who could this possibly be? It’s not Dustin, is it?’ Considering Dustin’s employment history, it actually might be.” –Joe Blevins

“Dithers is ruining the spirit of Presidents’ Day! He should be selling mattresses!” –Ettorre

“This is what happens when your stock mid-20th century sitcom trope (‘women and furs, amirite?’) has a head-on collision with the grim reality of your central conceit (‘Helga would already have tons of furs, because it’s below freezing and pitch dark for half the year’).” –TheDiva

“Just how long is that notebook and how far down does that picture go? Could this be what Toby is referring to with ‘negative space?’” –Scratchy Scrotum LXIX

“I like the range of expressions we’re seeing here, from bored to mildly concerned, with the exception of Ed who looks absolutely freaked out. ‘This must be bad. Nobody invites me to shit!’” –pugfuggly

“I was going to make a crack about how Madison is the girl in the front row, and then I was going to make a crack about how ‘Madison’ is probably an old person name by now and Pranit should hit on someone his own age, and then I looked it up and the popularity of ‘Madison’ peaked in 2005 and is absolutely age-appropriate for the girl in the front row and Pranit should totally be hitting on Madisons. I am willing to put much more work into this than into following the actual plot of Gil Thorp.” –matt w

“Pranit! Hey, Pranit! You sit up straight and listen well when I tell you about the heroism and vision of Francisco Solano Lopez, you hear me? He was South America’s Napoleon!” –jroggs

“You would think everyplace in Centerville would have learned to keep their doors locked by now to ward off premature Crankshaft.” –nescio

“‘The rose has you thinking of Daisy Dugan. But his name is Daisy, not Rose.’ God damn this is why Tracy gets paid the big bucks. Sit back and watch a master detective at work, folks.” –Dan

“‘My mother thinks my movie watching and frisbee playing are a waste of time,’ said Cal, adding, ‘She really wants me to focus on my art.’ At that point his story began to fall apart.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“Why am I telling you this? You kidding me? I’m supposed to tell you this stuff, numb nuts. Why else would I be here? What kinda dope are you on, and if you have any left, can I get me some?” –made of wince

“How to get all the excitement of a courtroom drama without actually having to draw a courtroom.” –Oversized Garden Ornament

“Snitches get stitches, y’know. Fortunately, Rex is a doctor, so at least they’ll be sterile.” –Pozzo

“Five years’ worth of single-use shampoo tubes would require at least 1000 motel visits, you know. (What, you think a plugger showers every day?) And the average motel costs at least $45 per night … actually we don’t have to do the rest of the math. We already see exactly what it means to be a plugger — to be so economically comfortable as to be able to spend years of your life on the road and sleeping in motels, yet feeling so economically vulnerable you take comfort in and define your own identity by the hoarding of dozens of dollars worth of free hygiene products.” –Amelie Wikström

“It may seem odd that Dolly is explaining this to non-verbal PJ but she’s just rehearsing her TED talk.” –Hibbleton

“That look on ‘Miss Sarah’s’ face says it all. She found this guy, blackmailed him into coming forward, and is making goddam sure he delivers. What, you think she’s going to let her dick of a father handle this when her Kitty Cop merchandising deals are at risk?” –Lawyerbob

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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FOLKS!!! With the receding of Omicron, our beloved janky LA theater the Clubhouse is reopening for real and the Internet Read Aloud is COMING BACK, in just two weeks!

Prepare your body and soul now for great live comedy about the internet! Here’s the Facebook event, if you’re interested! We used to have the show at 8 but now it’s at 7, so be sure to come at 7 if you come!

And no matter what your show-attending status, please enjoy this week’s top comment!

“Imagine the shock of taking a job as a community college adjunct when your whole image of teaching is a husband who’s so firmly tenured he can get away with that beard. Sorry you won’t be engaging the head of your department in a war of words through the correspondence section of a philology journal while your TA handles the class load, Toby. Here’s your two grand, though.” –Dan

Your runners up: also very funny!

“Mister Wilson had his epiphany at a Catholic Church, obviously, and it happened right after Vatican II, when the priest switched to a vulgate mass and he could no longer get in a quality nap.” –Rex_Thrillho, on Twitter

“Trooper Megan should not be encouraging the creation of more Pied-Noirs. That way lies the fall of the Fourth Republic. Stop thinking tactically, Megan, and start thinking strategically!” –Voshkod

“Researching the Crock mystery (reading the strip’s Wikipedia page to try to figure out why it still appears) I found the claim that Crock’s fort is found in Toon Lagoon in the Islands of Adventure at the Universal Studios theme park. What do the kids think of this? It’s like if Disney World included a shout-out to my great-grandfather’s third-favorite brand of macassar oil.” –matt w

“‘Wait — what if our audience doesn’t immediately realize that’s Cookie and Alexander and just think a different artist is drawing Blondie and Dagwood? We need something to identify them as teenagers!’ ‘How about if I put some of those iPodPad thingies in their hands? That should do the trick.’ ‘Brilliant! And it shows we’re still on the cutting edge!’” –Pozzo

“Thanks honey! Even though we are somewhat different in age, you’ve always been supportive of me during our 12-year marriage that we have spent living here in Charterstone. Is that enough exposition? Can we move on the the story now?” –pugfuggly

“In the 1930s there were readers who furiously shipped Nina and Skeenix as much as any modern YA protagonists, but they are now all dead and left without a trace on AO3. Sic transit gloria mundi.” –Ettorre

“Hell yeah hyped for the Barney Google & Snuffy Smith Vs Unbeatable Squirrel Girl multimedia crossover event. Gotta read every newspaper but also buy like fifteen different random ongoing comic book series to have any idea what’s going on with anything. By Sunday Jughaid’s gonna be brandishing the Infinity Gauntlet with Man-Thing and Devil Dinosaur lunging at him and if you didn’t read Howard The Duck vol 8 issues 1-4 you’ll be totally lost.” –The Great Joe Bivins

“Yesterday, we learned that this young lady didn’t have Mason, her mentor, in her phone contacts. Today we learn that she doesn’t have an agent.” –Rusty

“‘You’re up’ for an Oscar nomination! By which I mean, your name appeared in the credits for a feature-length movie publicly screened on film for paid admission for at least seven days in Los Angeles County during the awards year!” –Uncle Lumpy

“I don’t understand this sequence of events. Did Dolly leave art class, swing by Whitney’s place, bring Whitney to the house, escort her twenty feet into the kitchen without closing the door, and then make this announcement to someone, I’m assuming one of her parents (who knows, could be the dog, Grandpa’s ghost, a lamp, etc.) completely unprompted? Now what? Does she turn Whitney around and frog-march her smug, bathroomier-than-thou ass right back through the open door? (I’m so mad about the open door. Are the Keanes heating and/or air-conditioning the whole neighborhood?)” –els

“Funky Winkerbean has the advantage of making its readers feel like industry insiders, because anyone can look at today’s strip and go, ‘Wait, I KNOW that’s not how that works!’” –TheDiva

“‘The learning never stops.’ ‘It sure doesn’t! Why, since we’ve been married I’ve learned what an insufferable pompous bore you are and just last week I learned what a community property state was.’” –But What Do I Know?

“Nessie?? Peyronie’s Disease is a tragic and stigmatizing condition that affects as many as 1 in 11 men! It is NOT something to make light of! Get me Scott and Borgmann’s contact info! Time to cancel these MFers so hard that they’ll WISH they’d only said ‘sucks’ in 2008.” –Dunkelcopter

“Very nice, Brenda! Good job tracing over anime clip art. You gave it an exquisite ‘royalty-free’ quality.” –2+2=7

“I’m not saying Toby is flirting with Cal, but if she were, ‘I really like the way you use negative space’ is the kind of stilted, stupid language she’d use.” –nescio

“If you’re using a wheelbarrow as a walker, why would you be carrying an unnecessarily heavy load of lumber and bricks? Apparently you’re a plugger if you’ve moved to earthquake-prone Calabria and a wheelbarrow full of rubble is your ‘villa.’” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!