“I’d posit Henry and the weightlifter are trapped in the featureless void of Purgatory, waiting for someone to pray for their release, while Dennis taunts them both with the sin of envy to try and lengthen their stay. Truly menacing!” –Michael Blum, on Twitter

“You DESERVE royal treatment, Andrzej — that’s why I’ve poisoned you. It’s the death of kings, my love.” –DNH

“Who’d have thought bacon, eggs and buttered toast for breakfast would suddenly start being unhealthy after 40 years? Certainly no one in this medical comic strip, that’s for sure!” –BigTed

“Meanwhile, across town, Rex’s ‘medical sense’ starts to tingle. Someone needs a doctor, and quickly. Good thing there are a lot of doctors in the world, he thinks, as he judges his approach to a tricky par 4.” –Voshkod

“So … Marvin can just straight up talk now? In complete sentences? That adults can fully understand? We’re just done with the Garfield-style thought bubbles? Okay, fine, I’m willing to accept all that. But if Marvin has progressed to the point that he’s able to use the word ‘technically,’ don’t you think he’d also be able to say ‘pajamas’? If there’s a Venn diagram of people who say ‘technically’ and people who say ‘jammies,’ those two circles don’t overlap.” –Joe Blevins

“‘If it’s hard, you’re guilty’ was also Slylock’s investigative method during the animal Lavender Scare.” –Ettorre

“Foxes do not sweat like humans. The droplets of water around Slylock’s face are the result of his needing to splash his face with a wet handkerchief in order to avoid passing out in the brutal heat. He considers this to be a more reasonable way to avoid heatstroke than loosening his tie, removing his suit coat, taking off his deerstalker hat, and not wearing that stupid cape. Shady Shrew will have an ironclad defense when he is put on trial, namely that Slylock’s testimony is that of an obvious idiot.” –seismic-2

“Dawn is absolutely saying the word ‘SOB!’ as she runs canters marionettes away. ‘CRY!’ she adds as she reaches the edge of the park. ‘BOO HOO,’ she adds coquettishly as she waits for Jared to shuffle limply after her, and ‘WEEEEEP’ she concludes after taking off again, limbs flailing morosely against the setting sun.” –els

“Do it, Jared. Yell ‘You were my brother, Dawn! I loved you!’ Be a Star Wars nerd legend.” –Dan

“Henry looks so devastated comparing himself to Mr. Clean there. He knows he is Mr. Dirty.” –Uncle Lumpy

“I assume the Pluggers team keep a stack of easy-to-draw submissions for a lazy Friday afternoon. If you spend most of your time having to draw broken-down trucks and stacked supermarket aisles, sometimes you just want to take a break and draw a plugger in a bleak void, staring at a grey line.” –Schroduck

“Dennis has decided to try and set up a gay affair for his father. Menace to heterosexual monogamy stopped being controversial in the 90s. 2/10″ –Dunkelcopter

“Generally speaking, I find it inexcusable when comics use gags that attempt to fit two parts of a joke across what would be a significant passage of time and often physical distance between lines. But this one here, where a daydrinking birdman mentions getting fired from his job, followed by what must be several hours of drinking in complete silence into the late evening before concluding his comment? This works.” –jroggs

“‘Designated drivers.’ No matter how hard Hi and Lois tries to do a baseball joke, it still comes out a golf joke.” –Peanut Gallery

“Every day, win, lose, or rainout. Yes, I said rainout. Sure, I used to blame my son for the mighty tempest that kept the boys off the diamond. But no more. My love for my son is complete again, and I reserve my spite for the gods who conspire to foil the works of man. Next question!” –Vice President John Adams

“Streaming Channel G spans the globe looking for G-related content. Producer to crew: ‘Hey, there’s some kid pitcher in Ohio who’s nearly blind and get this: He spells his name with three Gs!!!’” –Hibbleton

“What Dagwood is looking for is a mug custom-made of sugar glass, like they use in movies, so it won’t hurt when Dithers shatters it over his skull.” –cheech wizard

“Really loving that last panel, in which it looks as if Gil is doing an ad for Cubs Brand Coffee. ‘We might not know what matters in the hoity-toity world of Manhattan journalism, but one thing we do appreciate is the smooth bold taste of a coffee roasted over a tire fire on the banks of Lake Michgan…’” –pugfuggly

“Why is there a question mark when Dick says ‘B.O. Plenty?’ After seventy years (or whatever), you’d think he’d be used to people he knows having stupid names.” –Pozzo

“Ah, yes, The Bucket List — the family-friendly movie that makes every child with a streaming service unnaturally aware of their own mortality. (Of course, E.T. and The Avengers: Endgame serve the same purpose — but at least in those movies, there’s the comforting sense that you might come back.)” –BigTed

“A plugger’s phone sex is frustrating for both parties involved.” –Hibbleton

“Okay, okay, I will admit to one other possible scenario in the Lockhorns: Given Loretta’s position — facing away from Leroy, one foot forward, chin tossed coquettishly over her shoulder — this is less a comics panel than stage design for the Lockhorns opera buffa the Met never staged. In this heartwarming and climactic duet, Loretta (played by Leontyne Price) launches into her triumphant ‘I told you so! I told you so!’ fan dance while Leroy (newcomer James Harrison Morales) hacks up gallon after gallon of bug cream in a tenor counterpoint, and eventually dies of liver failure. (Conducted by James Levine, who was later accused of groping Loretta.)” –pastordan

“Today’s Mary Worth is very interesting. The art is full of signifiers of sad sack single male: microwaved pizza as lonely dinner, Star Wars shirt, talking to a pet. But the text conveys the opposite meaning: this male is desired and fought over by two young females. Is this semiological contradiction a clever, postmodern subversion of expectations or just incompetence and lack of communication between writer and artist? You decide! No seriously, it’s postmodernism, you decide!” –Ettorre

“Camp Swampy Enlistment Questionnaire: 1) Are you male? 2) Do you have comically-styled, coal-black hair?” –Carsick Yankee

“Sadly, the men at Camp Swampy were so inured to bad haircuts that no one noticed that Beetle’s perm throbbed slowly to the beating of an alien heart. The Permian symbiotes slowly conquered the Camp, and then the Pentagon, and then the world, leaving humanity in Permanent subjugation.” –Voshkod

“Well, at least the comic books will be happy together.” –Banana Jr. 6000

“I wish I were as satisfied with ANYTHING in my life as the Gil Thorp background guy is with his coffee.” –Pat Ferruzza, on Facebook

“Imagine a world where even in the private sanctuary of your bathroom, your own bodily wastes advertised targeted products to you as they streamed out. I hate to say it, but Marvin might just have accidentally created the best cyberpunk body horror dystopia of the century.” –Schroduck

“The best comics strips are the ones where you have to use your own imagination to make them amusing and in Marvin we’re not being shown the lower half of these two old men that makes it clear they are Cossack dancing while watching TV and grousing about kids today.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Even as stupid as Funky Winkerbean characters can be, they would have figured out they had no gift quickly if they traveled there together. So they must have traveled separately, which is what I would do if I were either of them.” –nescio

“It’s actually TJ Hooker, the bugged William Shatner action figure Jared put in Dawn’s purse to spy on her.” –Jay Brutus

“Hoping for three solid weeks of Curtis trying to drum up a whisper campaign for what is clearly his webcomic. ‘Oh man, what will the daring, anonymous truthsayer behind Dear Ol’ Dad do next? He doesn’t care whose toes he steps on! And ha ha look at this, you can read all his in-your-face takes on modern parenthood at freewebcomichost dot com slash dearoldad, interesting! And it seems he has a Patreon?’” –Dan

“The fact that Jess is turning out to be a fellow super-nerd means that Dawn is in trouble. Well, ‘in trouble’ in the sense that Jared will soon break up with her. In other words, ‘lucky.’” –BigTed

“A lot gets made of ‘superhero origin stories’, so it’s nice to see that Sweepy keeps it pretty simple. ‘I dunno, I just started patrolling the streets and then everything went wrong.’ Excellent, don’t change a thing. No prequel required!” –pugfuggly

“‘What’s this?’ asks Mary as she sees Jared, who works in a hospital, conferring with a patient in that same hospital. It’s this kind of insight that keeps an old strip relevant in today’s world.” –Hibbleton

“Unfortunately unbeknownst to the cook, Poulet is a proud acolyte of the Priory of Sion. Tomorrow’s soup will be suspiciously chunky.” –Dunkelcopter

“Greg is confused, and rightfully so. How is it possible that Curtis know about webcomics, yet doesn’t understand that webcomics are for furries, not social commentary?” –pastordan

“When you want a ride, you’ve got to pay your way with gas, grass, or ass. At the loan office, it’s cred, head, or bread.” –jroggs

“I feel like Dennis and Joey will be having this same basic conversation for the rest of their lives. One day, it’ll be ‘I don’t feel so hot when I huff oven cleaning spray.’” –Joe Blevins

“You kind of lose some authority by saying that while your wife cuts your food for you, no matter how forcefully you point.” –Kevin On Earth

“It’s going to turn out that Jess is Jared’s long-lost sister.” –taig

“But … which arm? Look, I’m as disgusted as you are that I just went back to double-check the art in Rex fucking Morgan, but I did, okay? I did, and ‘that Snake guy’ hurt your left arm, it’s been your left arm this whole time, and now the White Lines of Ouchie are coming from your right arm. Sweep that up? (No.) Sweeper, sweep thyself? (NO.) Guess you’ve been rendered… armless. (There it is.)” –els

“Did you really think we wouldn’t be covering the rear exit? Now go back in there and have your surgery. We’re really eager to see how this turns out.” –cheech wizard

“Why aren’cha usin’ yer hammer bone, Dad? Ya know, the malleus, or hammer bone in yer ear? Why aren’cha usin’ yer malleus? ‘Cause it’s called a hammer? Is this funny, Dad? Is this menacing? Is it? What, too academic? [slurps drink]” –Chance

“You know what you can plan using a computer? The layout for your comic strip so that you figure out where the ‘CAUTION PIRANHAS’ label will go and you won’t have to resort to making the bottom word way off center so it can be readable in the panel.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Typically, when I see a bathroom door that’s closed, I assume that someone is using it, but then I don’t live in a universe where everyone hates everyone else and only comic books are considered valuable.” –BeckoningChasm

“‘He was really confused! And he’s also very messy, the whole package of disaster!’ Few are brave enough to talk of the taunting side of police brutality.” –Ettorre

“After a quick and sloppy reading of today’s Gil Thorp, I was under the impression that Gregg’s dad used to be on the cover of Hot Guy Magazine, and was now trying to move on from that. All respect to Neal Rubin, but I think I like my plot twist better.” –Drew Funk

“Now that the potential for anything dramatic to happen has passed, I’m interested in seeing how this becomes a financial windfall for Rex. Maybe the Street Sweeper’s trial gets wildly publicized, and so Rex makes millions on the talk show and book circuits talking about how he once treated this guy for a rotator cuff injury and then told him over the phone that no known lobotomy cures crime. Or maybe it’ll be simpler, and the police will just drive a dump truck full of asset forfeiture cash up to Rex’s front door.” –Corynaut