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Folks, it’s your top comment … of the week!

“I have to admit, when I got to Panel 3 (otherwise known as the ‘She said she’ll report me to school management’ verse of Toby’s Lament), I was pretty skeptical. ‘No,’ thought I, ‘there’s no way Helen Moss said something like that. I call foul!’ But when I got to the second to last panel … wow. Egg on my face, let me tell you.” –els

And your runners up! Very funny!

“That looks like an oversized magic wand. Rene is upset because he’s gonna have to watch this guy practice his extremely amateur magic act as they drive around for HOURS.” –Windier E. Megatons, on Twitter

“All Toby has to do to avoid that outcome is get some witness testimony from her students. ‘No, her treatment of Cal isn’t special, she kind of praises everyone.’ Of course, this could lead to a new set of problems as the school asks whether or not she’s a competent teacher, but it’s better to be fired for poor performance than sexual misconduct.” –Tom

“I assume the Rex Morgan, M.D. team is trying to cover up the fact that in 1949 they had actual medical drama, because I know the target audience can’t read the tiny print in that embedded strip any better than I can.” –matt w

“Super disappointed the case didn’t pivot on Slick Smitty going without socks.” –ambignostic, on Twitter

“Here is the context: The bird woman in the act of regurgitating her food to feed her young has realized there is so, so much more to life. Just wait until she goes home and tells her bird husband she’s enrolling in courses at the local community college and that he is going to have to start puking to feed their children. It’s going to be messy in so many ways.” –Joe Momma

“Snuffy may complain all he wants about local infrastructure, but guess who will be the first to have a shotgun in hand when the IRS comes collecting for the new mill levy to fix County Road 12?” –TheDiva

“The owl is not enjoying this! At the time of the Animal Revolution he sent so many humans to the guillotine, but these are the days of Thermidor and crimes and punishment are low stakes. Sometimes even winning the revolution is no fun!” –Ettorre

“Now I get it. That’s a VR bench. I figured those women just allowed him to walk out the door hoping he’d walk into traffic.” –Hibbleton

“I can only assume that ‘finish’ in this context means ‘eat.’”–pugfuggly

“‘We’ve got Flauberto Pert pitching to Chudd Ravel, and we like York Trawber and Whin Juggs too. Orrel Carver, Gammy Gamoo and Reeb Hull in the outfield. Mut Rozzle at third, Flim Patrick at potato and Urgle Hurberly yon flongle…’ It wasn’t until Gil got to shortstop that anyone realized he was having a stroke.” –Truckosaurus

“‘So I’ll be … okay?’ is the response you’d expect from someone who’s been told their cancer is in remission or other chronic illness is, in fact, treatable, not a simple arm injury that probably resulted from too much working out. Clearly there’s a complex and disturbing backstory here but Rex isn’t interested in that. That would mean dealing with emotions.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“Gil Thorp Writer: ‘Dallas George. What a name. Strong, masculine, as American as baseball itself. I oughta insert major American cities in character names more often. Hmm, is the very next panel too soon?’” –jenna

“A nightmare indeed. ‘Toby and Cal sittin’ in a tree’ doesn’t scan at all! ‘Cal and Toby’ fits perfectly, you awful students!” –Lawyerbob

“Pretty sure that’s actually Drew padding out the numbers on the far right of Toby’s dream sequence. Not sure what that’s about. Honestly, shocked as anyone to learn there’s multiple layers going on in Toby’s dream, or indeed anything to do with Toby in any way.” –Dan

“It’s the smug look that really sells it here. ‘Yup, saving lots of money at my house, like real God-fearing Americans. Just sitting in the dark … saving money.’” –pastordan

“Rex’s latest patient is an aspiring MMA fighter, so if you’ve always wanted to see what the crowd at a UFC octagon match would have looked like in 1953 you may be in for a treat.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“No! No, I am still not interested in watching anime! I’ve already told the Millennials and now I’m telling you, Moy and Brigman!” –made of wince

“Do the other sports pretty much coach themselves until they are played at a location Gil or his wife have to physically cross to get to the sports they care about?” –Kevin On Earth

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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Folks, it’s true: being a human is more complicated than being a cat. For instance, what if we see something terrible on the internet? A cat doesn’t even know what the internet is, so they don’t have to worry about that. But humans need to decide whether we’re going to report it to the FBI at IC3 dot gov, or just go to the Internet Read Aloud, my beloved live comedy show about the internet, to see if we make fun of it! And that show will be happening tonight, at 7 pm at the Clubhouse at 1607 N Vermont Ave in Los Angeles, so you should come to it, if you can! Bring a mask and proof of vaccination and we’ll have fun!

Also, if you like the radio, but also on the internet, you might want to listen to me on the Follow Friday podcast, talking about my favorite Internet people! Wow, what a rabbithole of internet this post has turned into! Don’t worry, though, this week’s comment of the week is wholly offline (and very funny):

“The writers of Dennis the Menace have decided they are never winning over the ‘Calvin Pees On Ford/Chevy Logo’ bootleg pickup truck decal market, and are pivoting to the smaller ‘Calvin Prays At The Cross’ bootleg minivan/SUV/crossover decal market.” –Philip

The runners up are also funny!

“Sure … I remember him … he’s quite OLD. And UGLY too! And, boy, I’ve never met anyone so DUMB, and I live [drops to a whisper] we’ll discuss it later.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“Huge respect for the realistic assessment of Rene’s popularity as a villain. ‘I’ll be back! Or not! We’ll play this one by ear!’” –Dan

“Mr. Wilson’s cataracts are so severe that even he doesn’t know what he’s watching, and Dennis isn’t about to give him a clue.” –Pozzo

“Wrong on both counts, Dennis. Mr. Wilson is simply constipated.” –Ettorre

“I don’t mean that he stopped exercising the day he was born. He actually stopped just a few months ago. But when he did, I tracked down his birth certificate and wrote that day’s date on it. This is the kind of elaborately cruel thing I have to do to keep this marriage interesting.” –Joe Blevins

“Slightly worrying that over 14 years, Dr Blog has gone from being a short pasty white guy to a tall bearded brown-skinned man. Is one of them an imposter, or is Dr Blog an inherited secret identity like The Phantom?” –Schroduck

“Another one of the many, many things I love about Gil Thorp is the insights it gives me, a man with no children, into youth culture. Apparently kids say ‘mopes’ now! This sounds unlikely, but my coworkers with teenagers swear to me that they are bringing back mullets, so I will believe literally anything anyone, Neil Rubin included, tells me about high schoolers.” –Drew Funk

“I love how Bearman seems to be really struggling with this phrase. ‘So, is there a baby in the oven, then? Did … did someone fuck my oven?’” –pugfuggly

“Crankshaft’s female relative (name and relation unknown, as in I personally refuse to remember or look her up) smiles in the last panel because Crankshaft’s stupid-ass suggestion about overdosing on brain medicine has sparked a fond remembrance of the Bradley Cooper film Limitless, a film where Bradley Cooper takes a magic brain pill that makes him limitless.” –The Great Joe Bivins

“After the ambush, it was just Beetle and his backpack buddy left. But the backpack was smart, and cruel, and commanding, and Beetle wisely listened. After a six-month one-man war in occupied territory, Beetle and his backpack full of severed ears finally made it back to Allied lines. The brass wasn’t sure if they should pin a medal on his chest or court-martial him his war crimes. They split the difference, giving him the Silver Star (he demanded that they pin it on the backpack) and drumming him on a psychiatric discharge. So they hit the road, Beetle and backpack, walking the byways and highways of America, always looking for more ears to take, more enemies to kill.” –Voshkod

“I like the subtle juxtaposition between Gregg sweating over a pop quiz in darkness while his parents imagine a CEO who’s uneducated but ‘at least he’s reading something!’ Education is for suckers, son, but you won’t hear that from us.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“This story doesn’t need a plot. It’s all about product placement. Moy and Brigman are raking in big bucks from VW for featuring Toby in her Bug, and for showing that the vehicle is crash-resistant even with an idiot behind the wheel, stylish and sporty for the middle-aged driver, easy to park, with luxury features like a sunroof and leather seats surrounding one in such a cocoon of comfort that even ridiculous crying jags over situations that are completely divorced from reality are an absolute pleasure, if you have them in the driver’s seat of a VW Bug! Get the ‘bugs’ out in your VW — you won’t be ‘bugged’ for long!” –Charterstoned

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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Folks, first off, it’s that time of month again: the time were you are required to come to my show in Los Angeles, full of jokes about the internet! Last month’s return to stage was a true banger and I am confident this month will be to. Join us on the Facebook event and also in person, won’t you?

But also: it’s time for the comment of the week.

“Blondie is going the Ace Attorney route with its names, I see. Can’t wait for the reveal that Herb Woodley has a secret lavender garden in the forest somewhere.” –Austria

And also also: it’s time for the hilarious runners up!

“Leroy was caught unaware as Loretta smacked the side of his face with the steering wheel that she had carried out of her last car crash. ‘I do the frivolous shopping jokes around here! Get off my turf and stick a lampshade on your head, motherfucker!’” –nescio

“Sarah knows that even though she’s been found innocent in a court of law, the court of nerdy fanboys needs ‘real’ proof. Hell, they’re still salty about the cancellation of Battlestar Galactica; obsessing over the Doggo Twins is just second nature.” –made of wince

“Pam asks in the vain hope that her father will say ‘I don’t remember ordering that,’ and she can finally start the commitment proceedings.” –Where’s Rocky?

“Not sure that Sam would be the type to use a word like ‘cacophonic.’ As a matter of fact, I’m not sure anybody would be the type to use a word like ‘cacophonic,’ except maybe a new Dick Tracy villain named ‘Pedantic Pete.’” –Pozzo

“If Ian was interested in befriending anyone, he’d shave his beard. Or grow a moustache and complete it. One or the other.” –Applemask

“Date of operation minus thirty days, in military lingo, would be D-30. Thirty days until something happens in Crankshaft. Looks like this plot line is going to just speed by.” –Voshkod

“So Jeff is going off to work? And Max sits around at home all day, watching television? This strip became Dustin so slowly that I didn’t notice. Of course, that’s mainly because I don’t read either one, but still.” –seismic-2

“Huh, the adult bird is WAY smaller than the egg, which leads me to believe that egg is extremely roomy inside. What do you suppose the ‘inner bird’ has got in there? I’m picturing kind of a gym setup, but could be anything from an art gallery to a B&D dungeon. Guess we’ll never know.” –Twinkles the Elf

“Today’s Crankshaft inspires a Miss Manners letter:

Dear Miss Manners,

When deciding whether to accept an invitation to a restaurant, is it OK for me to obliquely refer to the subsequent digestive upset or can I just talk about the impending pooptuplets in graphic detail to the inviters?” –Baja Gaijin

“Humpty Dumpty, history’s first known victim of toxic positivity.” –Roto13

“The erotic tension is building. Notice that even the rocks in the foreground are humping vigorously.” –Joe Blevins

“Say what you will about Winona Braggart, about the deli trays or the stunningly similar appearance of Blondie and her co-worker whose name I can’t be bothered to look up right now. I just appreciate their dedication to the goth-maid-lolita aesthetic. Not crazy about the lack of hairnets, though.” –pastordan

“This could be the nosy and suspicious, ‘I see you! And I think you’re up to some shenanigans! Shenanigans, I say!’ Or it could be the wise and accepting, ‘I see you! My fellow human being, my sister, I see you and acknowledge your existence on this Earth!’ Or it could be the I See You game: ‘Ooh, there’s some people sitting on the grass! I see you! Ooh, there’s a train! I see you!’ Like I Spy without the guessing part, or Peek-a-Boo without the hiding part. I hope it’s that one.” –Anonymous

“I know that it’s often necessary for characters in a single-panel comic to state the obvious to helpfully point the reader towards the joke, but I love the idea that Jeffy hasn’t learned to identify liquids by color, odor, or by observing where they just came from. ‘Water?’ his face seems to say, ‘The one without the tingly or the tongue-happiness?’” –pugfuggly

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!