Post Content

Folks, your comment of the week in a moment, but first: faithful reader Paul sent me some scans of an old Blondie comic book — did you know there used to be Blondie comics books? did you know there were a series of 28 Blondie motion pictures? — that answered one of my long-standing questions: why is Elmo hanging out with Dagwoold all the time?

There you have it: Elmo is hanging around with Dagwood all the time because his own father is in jail (Elmo put him there).

With that out of the way, here’s your comment … of the week!

“Robert John Burck, the Times Square Naked Cowboy, was truly the best of us. It only makes sense that he would be one of the last freedom fighters left to face the end of all things. RAGE AGAINST THE DYING OF THE LIGHT, SWEET PRINCE!” –Dunkelcopter

And your very funny runners up!

“Does Crankshaft take off his hat when he’s making out? Because we are all going down this path now so I can’t be blamed for making it worse.” –Vulcan with a Mullet

“Is he using a sword? To carve this turkey? In the middle of the night? Color me very confused. I guess the writer just couldn’t imagine anything a medieval serf husband might be doing in the way of ‘household chores.’” –Suzanne M Stephenson

“Do drive-ins still exist? If they do, do people take their kids to them, to see movies old enough that they can be played as a double feature because they predate 3 hour run times? If they do, no wonder those kids are upset, they wouldn’t be able to see anything from the back seat. Don’t cry, kids! All of these actors are long dead now so even if you could see you’d be bored!” –Truckosaurus

“I understand they’re doing a Flintstones shtick but they should be in a Neolithic round house and dead. They’re too old to still be alive. Hi and Lois should be dead.” –Professor Well Actually

“Marvin’s dad’s coworker is clearly Superman, and he’s fishing for excuses to gush about how great Earth’s yellow sun is.” –Rex_Thrillho, on Twitter

“I know that it’s just to make less work for the colorist, but seeing Gil and the presenter in red while the rest of the scene is in grey just makes me think of Schindler’s List, while makes me a bit nervous about this story.” –pugfuggly

“I kinda feel bad for Marvin’s writer who has spent so much time trying to come up with new ways to make jokes about human excrement that he’s forgotten how real adult people initiate conversations.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“I wouldn’t stand so close to insects with a taste for decrepit flesh, Lillian and Ed.” –nescio

“Relax, Hi. It’s obvious that Foofram is adding up the cumulative efforts of all the losers at the meeting. Now because of that gaffe, you’ll have to sit through another hour of him trying to explain it all using conic sections.” –Hibbleton

“God, the fresh baby brain earnestness on Hi’s face. ‘But sir! 100% is by definition the most you can give!’ Later he’s gonna loosen his tie, collapse on the couch as Lois rubs his shoulders, and whisper, ‘Idioms! They never covered that in the project management webinars.’” –Dan

“Now we see the true scope of Crankshaft’s plans. All those years of being a curmudgeon, all those exploded grills and wrecked mailboxes, all the malapropisms and misanthropy have led him to this victorious summit, where he feeds the ground-up remains of his victims to flies — in public — and no one will bat an eye. That’s just Crankshaft, they think, the town’s biggest asshole, little realizing that before them is Ohio’s greatest monster.” –Voshkod

“Between the watery platitudes and the ever-so- subtle roaming hands, Jared is in his Zone.” –MKay

“I think this is the first time I’ve rooted for a couple to get back together in Mary Worth but if there’s anyone who deserves to have Wilbur as a father-in-law it’s Jared.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Hey! I’m asking you to take me home and show me your etchings, goddammit! Just how senile are you, anyway?” –cheech wizard

“In the first panel, the doctor is horrified at the thought that he’s listening for a skeleton’s heartbeat. In the second panel, he’s horrified that he hears one.” –Peanut Gallery

“Gray jacket. Black pants. And brown shoes. Yeah, maybe someone should pay more attention to his wardrobe. You’re wearing brown shoes. Brown. Stop the insanity. Stop getting dressed in the dark. By the way, it’s hammer time.” –made of wince

“You know how your small-minded people got all paranoid that my people would use our immense power in an evil scheme to take over your world? Well, funny thing about that…” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“We’re burying the lede here, people. Chip just said that Beetle Bailey plays the tuba. That’s NBI — New Beetle Information!” –Joe Blevins

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

Post Content

Here’s your comment of the week. Hopefully you like it, because this is what peak performance looks like.

“‘I was thinking we could take a trip to New York City over the holiday weekend.’ ‘That’s a nice idea, Leroy! Wait, you’re not just setting up an elaborate punchline at my expense, are you?’” –digamma

And here are your hilarious runners up!

“Looks like someone finally got my letters demanding Slylock ‘show scalp.’” –Windier E. Megatons, on Twitter

“I also like that there’s no ladder or steps on the lifeguard chair, so you can imagine Leroy awkwardly climbing the side.” –rrh

“My head canon is that Dustin’s dismembered body is inside that recycling bin.” –Joe Blevins

“I’m sorry, but you lost me. None of this makes any sense. I just asked you why you mistrust me, and you feed me something that sounds like a cross between Bugs Bunny and David Lynch that I cannot recall at all. I don’t even buy that I named my daughter Moon Maid, of all things.” –made of wince

“A middle-aged incel, a pompous pseudo-intellectual and his much-younger trophy wife, a hen-pecked boyfriend and the manipulative, victim blaming shrew who’s got her claws in him — Quintessential. Moving in its simplicity, American as apple pie. June Brigman is truly the Norman Rockwell of current America. Beautiful!” –Dunkelcopter

“Uncooked hotdogs in buns and frosting-slathered cake with no utensils? Mary, you shouldn’t have! No, seriously, this is a terrible and disgusting thing you have done!” –jroggs

“A scene from Alfred Hitchcock’s 10-minute student film, To Catch A Moron.” –But What Do I know

“I have no idea what ‘Gregg gets rocked’ means, but I choose to believe it means he pitched so badly that they pelted him with rocks and garbage.” –Peanut Gallery

“‘Oh, absolutely you should have come here,’ Rex recites, directing a knowing glance at the audience. Taking only a moment to shift his pose from his patient-pointing hand to his audience-pointing hand, he continues with his PSA. ‘Where are you looking, Doc?’” the patient inquires.” –Austria

“Jess unfortunately has a long history of abuse to process, starting with her parents giving her and her sister rhyming names.” –TheDiva

“Why is it that the birds in this strip have eye whites but the people don’t? This is truly the land that God forgot, or just got bored of, more likely.” –pugfuggly

“Considering how protective Abba is of their copyright, I bet the dad in Dustin could have the whole call center wiped out just by forwarding the number to the band’s lawyers. Real power move for any spite-driven boomer type.” –Inanimate Carbon Ron, on Twitter

“[Later, back at the Hamm house] Gregg’s Dad: ‘Good news everyone! We don’t have to hide anymore!’
[Goes out side and pries the second ‘m’ off of the ‘Hamm’ sign on the mailbox]” –Kevin On Earth

“A paunchy, middle-aged journalist who has inexplicably survived wave after wave of layoffs and consolidation in regional television confers with another middle-aged writer who has no idea that literally no one cares what writers do. That’s it, that’s the joke. Ain’t that zany enough for you?” –pastordan

“The thumbs up on the poster is an unironically good touch. That’s right, Dagwood; non-union Batman heard the whole conversation.” –Dan

“I know that Dagwood’s peculiar … let us say, ‘anatomy’ … has been mentioned on this blog before, but just what in the sweet holy fuck is up with this posture? He is a) leaning back on an invisible Barcalounger while b) holding his arm at a 90-degree angle as though he’s the doyenne of country club life balancing his purse on his elbow and c) shuffling along, Groucho-Marx-like, with his knees caving in on each other. No wonder Blondie has his arm in a death-grip; she has to physically yank him along before he falls the hell over in an unholy tangle of limbs and sciatica.” –els

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

Post Content

Hey folks, in case anyone was coming to my comedy show this month (tonight) … it’s off this month for the holiday! Instead here’s your comment of the week … right here, right now!

“I’d posit Henry and the weightlifter are trapped in the featureless void of Purgatory, waiting for someone to pray for their release, while Dennis taunts them both with the sin of envy to try and lengthen their stay. Truly menacing!” –Michael Blum, on Twitter

And your runners up! Very funny!

“You DESERVE royal treatment, Andrzej — that’s why I’ve poisoned you. It’s the death of kings, my love.” –DNH

“Who’d have thought bacon, eggs and buttered toast for breakfast would suddenly start being unhealthy after 40 years? Certainly no one in this medical comic strip, that’s for sure!” –BigTed

“Meanwhile, across town, Rex’s ‘medical sense’ starts to tingle. Someone needs a doctor, and quickly. Good thing there are a lot of doctors in the world, he thinks, as he judges his approach to a tricky par 4.” –Voshkod

“So … Marvin can just straight up talk now? In complete sentences? That adults can fully understand? We’re just done with the Garfield-style thought bubbles? Okay, fine, I’m willing to accept all that. But if Marvin has progressed to the point that he’s able to use the word ‘technically,’ don’t you think he’d also be able to say ‘pajamas’? If there’s a Venn diagram of people who say ‘technically’ and people who say ‘jammies,’ those two circles don’t overlap.” –Joe Blevins

“‘If it’s hard, you’re guilty’ was also Slylock’s investigative method during the animal Lavender Scare.” –Ettorre

“Foxes do not sweat like humans. The droplets of water around Slylock’s face are the result of his needing to splash his face with a wet handkerchief in order to avoid passing out in the brutal heat. He considers this to be a more reasonable way to avoid heatstroke than loosening his tie, removing his suit coat, taking off his deerstalker hat, and not wearing that stupid cape. Shady Shrew will have an ironclad defense when he is put on trial, namely that Slylock’s testimony is that of an obvious idiot.” –seismic-2

“Dawn is absolutely saying the word ‘SOB!’ as she runs canters marionettes away. ‘CRY!’ she adds as she reaches the edge of the park. ‘BOO HOO,’ she adds coquettishly as she waits for Jared to shuffle limply after her, and ‘WEEEEEP’ she concludes after taking off again, limbs flailing morosely against the setting sun.” –els

“Do it, Jared. Yell ‘You were my brother, Dawn! I loved you!’ Be a Star Wars nerd legend.” –Dan

“Henry looks so devastated comparing himself to Mr. Clean there. He knows he is Mr. Dirty.” –Uncle Lumpy

“I assume the Pluggers team keep a stack of easy-to-draw submissions for a lazy Friday afternoon. If you spend most of your time having to draw broken-down trucks and stacked supermarket aisles, sometimes you just want to take a break and draw a plugger in a bleak void, staring at a grey line.” –Schroduck

“Dennis has decided to try and set up a gay affair for his father. Menace to heterosexual monogamy stopped being controversial in the 90s. 2/10″ –Dunkelcopter

“Generally speaking, I find it inexcusable when comics use gags that attempt to fit two parts of a joke across what would be a significant passage of time and often physical distance between lines. But this one here, where a daydrinking birdman mentions getting fired from his job, followed by what must be several hours of drinking in complete silence into the late evening before concluding his comment? This works.” –jroggs

“‘Designated drivers.’ No matter how hard Hi and Lois tries to do a baseball joke, it still comes out a golf joke.” –Peanut Gallery

“Every day, win, lose, or rainout. Yes, I said rainout. Sure, I used to blame my son for the mighty tempest that kept the boys off the diamond. But no more. My love for my son is complete again, and I reserve my spite for the gods who conspire to foil the works of man. Next question!” –Vice President John Adams

“Streaming Channel G spans the globe looking for G-related content. Producer to crew: ‘Hey, there’s some kid pitcher in Ohio who’s nearly blind and get this: He spells his name with three Gs!!!’” –Hibbleton

“What Dagwood is looking for is a mug custom-made of sugar glass, like they use in movies, so it won’t hurt when Dithers shatters it over his skull.” –cheech wizard

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!