“Mary would rather tsk, tsk about the wild, sexy girl on a bad path than watch the magnificent pod of dolphins frolicking a hundred feet away from her. Say what you will about our Mary, she likes what she likes.” –BigTed

“Six casters on your office chair and an ice rink for a floor is an OSHA farce.” –Ben Harper, on Twitter

“So disappointing to see the Lego bricks sitting there as a choking hazard for five panels while Marvin fails to take the bait. And his parents are distracted, too.” –nescio

“What the fuck is going on with Dick’s hand in that middle panel? Is this like the hands-free model of his watch phone, where you strap a plastic forearm to your shoulder?” –pugfuggly

“Dennis is going to be real disappointed in 20 years, when this kid isn’t the sympathetic defense attorney representing him, but rather the high profile D.A. bringing the charges.” –richardf8

“Look Hi, I’ll put it like this: if it’s a choice of having you working here or me having to look at your hideous family’s peanut-shaped heads and your baby’s weird hair all the time, well, you don’t want me making that decision.” –Truckosaurus

“Poor Chip. He puts on his cleanest hat, irons his shirt, finally combs the goddamn hair out of his goddamn eyes, and they still make him stand fourteen feet away from everyone else. Even Ditto is more included, and everyone hates that asshole.” –els

“I assume Mary’s out meddling in the lives of smugglers or fish because I can’t imagine her doing something as frivolous as a boat ride simply for pleasure.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Nega-Hi looked back at the Phantom Zone he had mounted as a trophy on the wall. The real Hi and his family, nearly frozen in time and space, looked back in horror. The boss rolled his eyes and moved on, and Nega-Hi began his march of conquest. First, this cube. Next, this floor. Finally, the company and eventually, the world! But for now, he finished his coffee as he chortled about his victory over the boss and the rules. Coffee first, conquest second, right after he finished those reports. There’s always time for conquest, he thought.” –Voshkod

“Panel 2’s art might have been better saved for the day Dr. Jeff has to tell Mary about his terminal cancer diagnosis. Maybe it’s just me, but these are some really heavy emotional expressions for, ‘My son dated someone who wasn’t a cloistered nun,’ and ‘Really?’” –jroggs

“That birdie is a liar! Nothing gets interesting here!” –Ettorre

“No tongue-wagging laughter after the punchline? What’s the matter with these people? Did they just get back from a funeral or something?” –made of wince

“Bird sex doesn’t require being attractive to humans, it requires being attractive to other birds. When that male bird wants to find a mate, he puffs up his chin butt and lets out a loud farting sound. It may be repulsive to us, but to the female of his species it’s pants-droppingly sexy AF.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Dennis the Menace trying to cash in on some of that sweet, sweet, uh… I guess Lockhorns cash?” –Dan

“While we’re on the topic of mouths vs. beaks, how exactly does a lipless bird-gal drink a martini? Does she just tilt the glass towards her face and hope for the best?” –Mr. A

“Depending on your point of view either Dennis is too young to remember Married with Children or it’s still three decades from airing. Anyway, it’s nice that he can drop by the Wilsons’ place anytime for some substitute Bundy barbs.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Maybe it’s just the doctor in me, Mary, but I would love to perform an appendectomy on you right now.” –Peanut Gallery

“Shouldn’t a flatlander like Barney have a car and not have to go everywhere on horseback, on a horse named for a car part? Or is the terrain of Hootin’ Holler so rugged that there’s no way for a car to negotiate it? Or is it just that bringin’ one of them fancy, demonic horseless carriages up there and flauntin’ it around all the time is a good way to get murdered?” –Morgan Wick

“There is a pill for writer’s block. It’s called benzedrine and about half of the great novels of the 20th century were written with it. That said, his main audience might not be ready for an epic manic Kitty Cop on the Road or a mind-bending Three Stigmata of Kitty Cop.” –Effluvius Erratus

“This is a dream right? At some point we switched from Sarah’s, unrealistic, unentertaining fantasies over to Buck’s?” –Carsick Yankee

“‘Max, what are we going to do?’ ‘As my grandfather would say, let’s pretend it’s not an immediate problem and completely ignore it!’ ‘But, Max, your grandfather is an idiot.’ ‘Yes, but somehow he’s still in charge of children’s safety. Life is funny, isn’t it?’ ‘No.’” –BigTed

“Huh. ‘I’m going after Kadaver’ is usually Dick Tracy’s euphemism for seeking out sexy time, by which he means shooting someone.” –pastordan

“The three stages of life today: Waiting for lunch, having lunch, getting shot with a blowdart.” –matt w

“I like that Dick doesn’t even try to respond to Sam’s whiny little plea, ‘But he died in Europe!‘ I’d imagine that, for sanity’s sake, Dick tunes out about 70% of what his sidekick says to him.” –Joe Blevins

“Ha ha! Lois is so blotto she’s doing her dishes in the living room! Silly Lois, you forgot why you had a plate and dishcloth in your hands, did you? She has a problem, lol!” –Tabby Lavalamp

“‘Well,’ Lois snapped, ‘if you think Heidegger’s Fundamental Concepts of Metaphysics is boring, then maybe you’re not the daughter I thought you were. We drink the wine to get drunk. The thing is the thing.’” –Voshkod

“How do you know Zero is stupid? Beetle is also a perfect marksman, but he doesn’t show it to Sarge because it is a one-way ticket to a combat zone.” –Ettorre

“The look on Marvin’s face in the third panel is truly disturbing. ‘I’ve seen worse things than a man with multiple strains of hepatitis,’ he’s thinking. ‘I’ve seen the inside of my own diaper.’” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“Kitty Cop appears to be a parody of the wildly beloved Dogman series by Dav Pilkey, which features a policeman with a dog’s head who raises a cat. It didn’t occur to me that newspaper strips were allowed to be aware of anything that came about after 1998 unless it was a cell phone they could be smug pricks about.” –Bunivasal

“Wait, isn’t golf a sport that’s too ‘high-end’ for the stereotypical working-class pluggers? Let’s get this comic back to its roots by having Mr Dog Man get hit in the head with, say, a bowling ball.” –2+2=7

“Have you considered that Corina may be growling these words ferally while biting pizza to show her contempt, because she is the best Gil Thorp character?” –Dan

“A hundred million dollars says the writer guy (whose name I don’t care about) tries some EXTREMELY low level ‘supplement’ to help him get over writer’s block, becomes addicted, and has to talk to Buck about talking to a doctor and Buck (whose name I am embarrassed to admit I know) arranges for him to meet Rex Morgan MD (whose name legally has to include the MD because he didn’t spend 6 years in poorly-drawn med school, etc etc), which gives the girl (this joke has run its course) a CHANCE to meet writer guy. She won’t get to meet writer guy because Rex won’t even try to tell her about it in advance, but at least Rex will give her a one (or possibly two) word summary of his meeting with her idol.” –Briane Pagel

“Don’t worry folks, this extremely tedious series of strips where Harry smugly inventories his experience as high school band leader to confirm that it has prepared him to lead a church choir is going somewhere. Eventually one of the indistinguishable old ladies will mention an aspect of choir that Harry will have to admit he had no experience with, at which point he will be paraded up a hill and sacrificed to the Wicker Man.” –Francisco Arrowroot

“For years, pediatricians have strongly recommended against pillows in the crib, for risk of SIDS. But we all know what ‘crud’ is synonymous with. Marvin shit the bed so violently that the artist had no choice but to draw a life-threatening cushion to block the carnage from view.” –Carsick Yankee

“Hey, did you know that despite the powerful enzymes in their stomachs, birds of prey still have problems digesting bits of bone and hair, which they vomit up in little hardened pellets. Anyhow, just a random bird fact to enjoy while you read today’s comic.” –pugfuggly

“Boy, it didn’t take long for this situation to go from ‘WE NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW!’ to ‘WE NEED TO STAND AROUND AND TALK ABOUT THIS FOR A WHILE, AS SLOWLY AND VAGUELY AS POSSIBLE!’” –Joe Blevins

“I realize getting punched out and left unconscious is not fun. I still think, however, that Sam’s eyebrows should get a short break. Couldn’t his forehead relax just enough to let the brows become a little less frowny?” –Poteet

“June busily ties an ear onto her head.” –Ukulele Ike

“If there is any comfort to be had from Crankshaft, it’s that Ed receives as little pleasure from his half-hearted wordplay as he gives.” –TheDiva

“[RING RING] ‘Oh no … not now … not today!’ ‘Ugh … hello, this is Drew Cory.’ ‘Drew! Your house is falling over! You need to get out of there right now!’ ‘But it’s supposed to be my day oooooooff!’” –jroggs

Buck’s go-to emotion is ‘wary of something slightly up and to his left.’” –Dan

“Try your best to not imagine what pops up in Harry Dinkle’s thought balloon when someone calls him ‘asshole’ (which I assume happens pretty regularly). Have a nice day!” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“Two things I know about New York is that rats are horrible, and cars don’t slow down for pedestrians. That evil rodent is using the old lady as a shield! Next he’ll turnstile-jump in the subway, eat a pizza slice in the dumpster of the very worst Original Ray’s, and give the new movie version of West Side Story a bad review in Newsday.” –BigTed

“He’s a righteous rat who loves his city but isn’t afraid to break the rules — in this case the square cube law.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Hi is shocked at the capitalist overlord’s casual oppression of the proletariat. ‘Why may not the working class go pantsless?’ he reflected; ‘Are we ever shackled to suffer the indignities of unthinking bourgeois preconceptions?’ It was at the very next coffee break that he and his comrades began to whisper of beginning the great struggle — the People’s struggle — to assert Man’s undeniable right to go pantsless now … and forever…” –odinthor

“Say what you will about Leroy and Loretta’s marriage, but Loretta isn’t going to let her husband be jeered and ridiculed by everyone at his office. Jeering and ridiculing Leroy is HER job, and she’ll be damned if she lets anyone else horn in on her turf.” –Mr. A

“I noticed a flesh-coloured area in the window. That’s not a simple ‘shine.’ That’s the reflection of the arm of a 50ft angry Ashlee coming to tear the hospital apart with her bare hands, grab Drew, then climb a skyscraper while swatting at helicopters.” –The Rambling Otter