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FOLKS! The Internet Read Aloud, America’s #1 Internet themed-show that takes place in Los Angeles but is now on Zoom and is hosted by me will be happening not once but twice between now and the end of the year! First up, the majesty of Thankszooming:

This show will feature a chill afternoon vibe: It’s on Sunday, November 15, at 1 pm Pacific, and features show favorites Patrick Susmilch and Sammy Mowrey, Rifftrax writer Conor Lastowka, and show newcomer Nina Butterfly! Here’s the Zoom link, for future reference, and here’s the Facebook event, if you find that helpful!

Then we slide into December with Zoomukkah!

This show is on Saturday, December 5, at 6 pm Pacific, and features Time Out LA comic to watch Katrina Davis, Jupiter Bardot (who hosts his own internet-themed comedy show, which makes this a superstar teamup), plus show newbies Laurie Bolewitz and Brian Bahe! Here’s the Zoom link, and here’s the Facebook event!

And if you find it helpful to get updates like this straight to your mailbox, you can sign up for the Internet Read Aloud mailing list!

Finally: You may have heard that there is a major and still unresolved U.S. presidential election that we’re in the middle of! Maybe you have been talking/arguing about it on other posts — I hope not! I haven’t read them yet, but that’s not what they’re for! If you feel you simply must talk/argue about the election on this website, I urge you to do so in the comments on this post. I will not be reading them! Good luck and God bless!

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Folks, you deserve this week’s comment of the week:

“I have never seen a ghost, so I cannot categorically say that those ghosts are drawn badly. I have seen a couch.” –A Concerned Reader

You deserve the runners up, too! They’re all great, every one of them!

“Okay, it’s Bill Clinton who calls the head of ICE — in this current political environment — and saves the day. Surely that’s the most unbelievable plot point… [reads today’s strip] ‘Montoni’s Pizza is great pizza.’ Nope, wrong again.” –Little Guy

“Damn, Funky is one cold-hearted businessman. Initially upset to see the goons who tried deporting his friend, his mood brightens the instant he hears they want to place an order.” –Bill L

“I was kind of hoping than the jazz fest was being held on the other side of the fence and Stokes would end up impaled on a clarinet.” –Guillermo el chiclero

“I assume the reason why Rex never cut his own hair is he has the same shiny, impermeable hair helmet as a lego minifig, and it’s pretty hard to style those. He did once try on the ponytail hair with the blue and purple streaks, though, when he was feeling adventurous.” –Rita Lake

“It doesn’t bother anybody else that Dapper Dude’s car is at least somewhat sentient??! Those are stars of pain… STARS OF PAIN, PEOPLE!” –Janis and company

“There ain’t no parts ’round these parts. Not fer machines an’ not fer the sick folk who jus’ need a new liver. What did you say yer blood type was, again?” –Lionheart

“It depends, Billy. How much do you love Big Brother?” –Rita Lake

“Deus ex Crown Victoria” –Big Ted

“Tell it to the hand that’s about to touch everyone’s groceries, attached to the person who felt sick last night.” –A Concerned Reader

“He went from suffering ill consequences due to drug dealing, to suffering ill consequences due to drug use, to suffering ill consequences without even enjoying money or drugs! Truly Tommy’s journey is a blessing — for us, not him.” –Ettorre

“It’s LSD 0: the only all-purpose cleaner on the market that guarantees that there is absolutely no LSD in their product. Why aren’t those other cleaners making that claim, huh? Makes you think.” –pugfuggly

“I have discovered puns, mother. The next thirty years of me living under your roof is going to be a living hell, mother. Crayoffs. CRAYOFFS, MOTHER!” –Tabby Lavalamp

“So Dennis is mature enough to understand and engage in fairly sophisticated wordplay, but not mature enough to stop literally writing on the walls? He’s not just a menace, he’s a menace savant!” –Ringo Beaumont III

“There’s no candy but Dagwood brought a pumpkin bucket, presumably because the party might drag on and he might need to relieve himself at some point.” –nescio

“Annie? There’s something you want to tell me, I can see it in your horrible empty white sockets. I mean, your eyes. I can see it in your eyes. Those are eyes. I’m sorry. Sometimes I forget.” –made of wince

“Did not expect this from a strip I mostly associate with ‘eaten alive by rats,’ but Dick Tracy aced the Bechdel Test today: three (3) women characters, with names, talking about something other than a man. Okay, the ‘vampire killer’ did turn out to be a man, but it’s the Brown sisters who are mentioned by name — and the Professor was perhaps more machine than man anyway, although this argument bodes ill for people with dentures.” –Skedastic

“There’s a whole vampire plot, Brenda Starr constantly sparkles in direct sunlight for some reason … can a Dick Tracy/Twilight crossover be far behind? Imagine the look on Dick’s face as the premise is explained to him, right before he opens fire.” –Dan

Remember: If you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for a mere three dollars a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter! If you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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Heck yeah, it’s your comment of the week!

“’99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall’ would be a fitting anthem to The Lockhorns — you get the gist immediately but then it goes on longer than anyone would want.” –jenna

Heck yeah it’s your hilarious runners up!

“My favorite image is Dolly holding the carrot in front of Bil as he plays horse. She is not getting any of the fun of the ride, but damnit, she is committed to the role play. ‘Come on, Daddy. Neigh for me! Neigh … for … me!’” –Joe Momma

“It’s almost as though Mommy can see Daddy’s rainy-day fantasy, and she shuts it down toot-sweet: ‘Bil, let me be perfectly clear as to why I married you: so you can fix shit.’” –Carsick Yankee

“See, the joke is that Big Daddy Keane doesn’t enjoy spending time with his kids. And who could blame him?” –Ace

“All the Daddy images are great, but my favorite is him carrying that trashcan by ignoring the handles and placing his hands in positions that give him excellent odds of a major spill. Talk about passive-aggressive revenge for the death of his rainy-day dream.” –Poteet

“No really, it’s two babies worth of fat: Marvin has been eating babies.” –pugfuggly

“‘Tell me which magazine NEEDS me.’ Oh, Mark, sweet Mark. You’ve lived in a salaried bubble too long.” –Living on Video

“Whenever a figure calls to you from the all-concealing shadows, Tommy, go to them! They’re probably made of candy!” –Victor Von

“‘Why the heck is Bean’s End all sold out of respirators?!’ wonders Crankshaft, blissfully unaware of a variety of current events.” –RexDartEskimoPi, on Twitter

“Congrats to our bird-man for keeping his first-generation flat-screen TV working for 20 years. Bad news looks just a little bit softer in 480p.” –BigTed

“This whole country is a Panic Room, in the sense that Kristen Stewart is in it.” –Ettorre

“We all deal with the adversity of modern life in different ways. Some, like Tommy, consider slipping back into comforting addictions. Others, like the Perfessor, succumb to madness. Crankshaft? Oh, he’s just gaslighting his own daughter for laughs. Business as usual, in other words.” –Doctor Moreau

“‘Sarah done something bad.’ Rex Morgan turned into Faulkner’s The Sound and the Fury so quickly.” –Voshkod

“Normally I hate the Romantic Misunderstanding thing, but Tommy and Brandy are such absolute idiots that I welcome the ensuing confusion and refusal to clear things up with a simple conversation.” –TheDiva

“Am I the only one who wants Vin to get his own strip (or just take over this one)? I for one would love to read about the ongoing adventures of ‘a well-spoken gentleman of the street with a knack for quoting proverbs and surrounding himself with interesting people whose lives reflect the daily concerns of society’ (to paraphrase King Features’ summary of Mary Worth).” –Effluvius Erratus

“What do you do when you’re 38 years into writing a comic strip about a baby and you’re utterly out of ideas for defecation-based jokes? Maybe you look around the room for inspiration until you spy a goldfish bowl and think, ‘I bet those fish are miserable and hate both their lives and each other.’” –Joe Blevins

“The way he’s got that thing pointed at Tommy’s mouth, it looks more like a spoon to me. ‘Come on, Tommy, open the hangar… and in comes the airplane! Mmmm!’” –Peanut Gallery

“His killing people and taking their blood might gain him some awed respect among the other prisoners, provided they never see a picture of him looking like some sad bipedal catfish.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“The chaotic state of the Lockhorns’ marriage is reflected by the chaotic arrangement of their living-room furniture: Loretta’s chair points away from her visitor so that she stares blankly into the hallway, and the visitor’s chair, only a few inches away, offers their company a disturbingly close-up view of Loretta’s inner ear. It’s not as if they are unaware of these shortcomings: on the wall in the hall, the framed picture is… a completely blank rectangle. A simple yet beautiful, unmarred, Platonic ideal of geometric perfection. Yes, clearly they have goals of a finer, esthetically pleasingly life to which they aspire, yet here they are. You’re the Lockhorns, guys. Deal with it. (Leroy clearly has.)” –seismic-2

“You know Sairy is half-assing it because her picture’s not on the sign, costing her the crucial illiterate vote.” –Bill L

“If it were up to Leroy… meh, nothing is up to Leroy, or me either. We’re sea-level Sisyphuses, just rolling our respective boulders around, aimlessly.” –Just John

Remember: If you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for a mere three dollars a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter! If you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!