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Metapost: Call for artists!

Hey all, a brief note on my upcoming Kickstarted novel, which many of you backed and which really is upcoming: one of the stretch goals that I set for the Kickstarter was having internal illustrations, and now I need internal illustrators! I have an artist for the cover who I’m VERY excited about but need three internal illustrations, which will be different enough from each other that they might merit three different artists. Details on what I’m looking for are here (very mild spoilers for book plot in that description). This is a paid gig; please feel free to spread that link to any and all interested parties!

Comments, we’ve got comments … of the WEEEEEK

♫ Gotta love this week’s top funniest comment! ♫

“Billy is setting his sights too high in aspiring to grow up to be a dog.” –lumaca morente

♫ And the runners up are pretty funny TOOOOOO! ♫

“I’m wondering how long the human statue with the sword can hold that pose before he has to change it. If he’s really that good, though, he’d probably be working at The Venetian.” –Fritz Goebel, on Facebook

“Hat on… backwards?! Mind blown.” –Adam Clarke, on Twitter

“In case you missed my big triton, I’ve got a triton belt buckle and a triton tattooed on my left calf (next to Grateful Dead bears).” –norbizness, on Twitter

Prediction: Spider-Man spends no less than 2 weeks trapped in a giant clam.” –TheGiantHead, on Twitter

“Don’t bother changing clothes, honey. The Beachcomber’s dress code requires male patrons to look like vaudeville comedians from the 1920′s.” –Doctor Handsome

“So Peter’s spider-sense, realizing that there is a water-based supervillain on the warpath, has decided to make him blurt out that he wants to go to a tropical island even though he actually does not. Good job trying to kill your master, spider-sense. Too bad it won’t work, again.” –Laura

“Man, today’s panel is layers deep. Dennis has abandoned colorful pj’s in favor of a black tee, looking more teen than tot. Our beloved scamp is thoughtfully placed halfway between an innocent children’s toy and a trendy fitted cap from the mall kiosk. Yes, there came a time in all of our lives when our acts of rebellion turned from precocious to premeditated. Dennis knows he has reached the age of accountability and offers up a sober minded plea to his Savior before donning his red cap, grabbing his baseball bat and hopping out the window on a crime spree.” –Tonya

“Later that day, Mark returns to the sunken seaplane to conduct tests. ‘Listen up, you inanimate rods! This is a pop quiz. Question one: Are any of you emitting neutrons? Question two: Are you undergoing beta decay? Question three: Are you emitting positively charged alpha particles? Come on, guys, answer me, or I’ll have to get rough! Bonus question: Are you now, or have you ever been, exposed to ionizing radiation? OK, that’s how you want to play it, eh? Meet my crushing right cross!’” –Voshkod

That gives me an idea, Ken: let’s call the coast guard or the EPA! I bet they have lots of geiger counters, better diving equipment, and the expertise to actually contain and dispose of radioactive waste! Ha ha, no, just kidding, let’s try to lure it into a bear cave, or maybe toss it in a hippo’s mouth…” –pugfuggly

Judge Parker: “All of this confusion could have been avoided if Neddy and Rocky had developed a written business plan, a written contract vetted by attorneys for both sides, and opened a business account with a bank. Instead we get make-it-up-as-you-go construction and business partners disappearing on a whim. This entire enterprise reminds me of the old Mickey Rooney & Judy Garland ‘Hey, kids, let’s put on a show!’ trope. I don’t mean that in a good way, because I can’t stand Mickey Rooney.” –I speak Jive

“Wow, Ken, did you ever look at your finger? I mean, really look at it? Now, what was that idea you said you had?” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“If I had a nickel for every time one of my nightmares ended with Carrot Top blowing someone away, I would be a very, very rich man, my friends.” –Jack loves comics

“Believe me, Toby, a person who wears an Astroturf sport coat is a lot of things, but ‘pompous’ isn’t one of them.” –TheDiva

“It’s a little late in the game for Toby to realize Ian is a pompous boor. It was probably noted in their wedding vows.” –Rusty

“Marvin ‘prepares to drive off with a full load’ and wonders ‘where he can dump his cargo.’ No, I’m sorry. This is too easy. It must be a trap.” –AhClem

“Wait! Don’t just walk away from me! I have so many more fake ice cream names to belittle you with! Like ‘Failure Fudge’ and ‘Drain on Society Ripple’ and ‘Mint Chocolate I Hate You So Much I Could Just Scream and Scream and Never Stop Screaming.’” –Joe Blevins

“I’m just going to assume that Mark Trail helped Lesley’s car in delivering a breech-baby calf, and she’s still traumatized from having to help lick the placental tissue off an infant Dodge Neon.” –Chip Whittle

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

  • Bluebeards Original is proud to join The Comics Curmudgeon as an advertiser! Company owner Paul Kaniewski is a longtime follower of this site, to the point that it inspired him to created the famed Aldo Kelrast MySpace profile. Bluebeards has been making top-rated beard care products for ten years now, so any bearded folks or those that love them, please check out the site and try their stuff.

If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.

Metapost: Delicious comments of the week

Guys, it’s almost 11 on the west coast and I’m already thinking about lunch. But no matter your time zone, we can all chow down on this tasty top comment of the week!

“I’m waiting for the strip where Toby’s sculptures come to life and slowly climb down off the shelf and creep toward Ian’s bed. I’ve already contacted Danny Elfman about scoring this sequence.” –Pozzo

The runners up are also extremely yummy:

“My question here is: how? How can you start a strip with ‘Margo makes a mad dash’ and then depict neither Margo nor the mad dash? What kinds of decisions are being made at Apartment 3-G’s central office? ‘Hmmm. We could either show the strip’s only interesting character in a dramatic moment of psychotic fugue, or we could show two Sears-catalog-model-looking guys standing around saying vague things to one another while failing, yet again, to make eye contact. Wait, remind me. Is it Show, don’t tell or Tell, don’t show?‘ ‘I’m pretty sure it’s the second one.’” –Joe Blevins

Communion bread crumbs to be handed out by an old lady in the park by the pond.” –Philip Rodney Moon, on Facebook

Something is amiss? I think something is amister!” –Mibbitmaker

“You don’t look very happy, ice cream man. Do you need to lie down? What becomes of you in winter? Do you slowly wither away, as the world passes you by? Have you even heard of bitcoin?” –Dan

“Going where? Take a look around: there’s nothing but white void in every direction! ‘When’ and ‘where’ were things we worried about before we were transported to this milky state of limbo, now there is only ‘here’ and ‘now’, forever.” –pugfuggly

“The plugger wrapped his pill in a wad of Liverwurst, ate all the meat, and spit out the pill, like any self-respecting dog. Now he’s running away before his wife comes along and shoves it down his throat.” –Loopina

Aquaman’s fallen on hard times.” –Ed Dravecky, on Facebook

“PLUGGERS ARE SO DECAYED NOT EVEN SCIENCE CAN SAVE THEM” –Adam C

“Toby is not alone: Ian has to burn the midnight oil for his art, too. It’s time to pose for his album cover, ‘Plump Bearded Tenor Sings Pagliacci.’” –Made of Wince

Lisa’s Story was supposedly all about the love story between Les and Lisa. Now apparently it turns out he didn’t include how they met and fell in love in the story of their doomed love affair? He just started in media cancer?” –Laura

Keep your passport current, Cayla, and start researching countries with no extradition.” –lumaca morente

“It is all a part of the calculated illusion, a kind of non visual forced perspective. The Facebook emojis appear new when set against the hoary, old cliched and stereotyped depictions of parents and teens. Genius!” –Joe Momma

General Halftrack’s office is a Euclidean nightmare — how deep does it extend? How wide? And why do the golf balls remain the same size no matter how far away they travel? You certainly have done something today, General … something irreparable.” –Izzy

“By the way, was the punchline of today’s Blondie any good? I just got as far as FEELING BORED and agreed and quit reading.” –Doctor Handsome

“Oh man, if there ever was a time to feel sorry for Captain Chinbeard, it would be now: He straight-up grew a Dejection Mullet in between panels one and two.” –Jack loves comics

I got jealous, watching you and Natasha swinging around town together. So from now on, it will be just her and me, swinging around town together! The Black Widow and The Red Divorcée!” –seismic-2

SPLAK™: Have you had your beige today?” –Tim Monteith, on Facebook

“Did you know that there’s a direct correlation between the decline of Spirograph and the rise in gang activity? The hip hop street youth in panel one does, and dammit he decided to do something about it.” –Tonya

“Heathcliff’s ennui is usually pretty clear, but it’s actually palpable in today’s strip. ‘Oh, aliens wearing board shorts appreciate how well I surf this tsunami wave? Whatever.’” –Drewbear

“Welcome to tonight’s Heathcliff drawing! Hope everyone has your tickets ready. The first ball up… surfing! Surfing is the first ball and the topic of tomorrow morning’s strip. The second ball up… aliens! Aliens will also appear in tomorrow’s strip. And the third and final ball… radical! The one-word ‘punchline’ of tomorrow’s strip will be radical! Surfing, aliens, radical! Hope those were the lucky words for you. But if not, enjoy tomorrow’s Heathcliff in its sheer Dadaist glory!” –Windier E. Megatons

“If you look closely at each Heathcliff, you can see the edge of a message from the illustrator, hidden under the aliens. Today’s reads: ‘let me die’” –bunivasal

“If this is indeed the very next day, it’s the perfect coda to the Dinner of Glaring. Either there was so much curt, petulant silence that Toby never mentioned her art show the next day and Hilton never mentioned that he was giving a lecture in about 21 hours, or they each mentioned their gigs but the others, their ears stuffed with hatred, didn’t hear.” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

  • Bluebeards Original is proud to join The Comics Curmudgeon as an advertiser! Company owner Paul Kaniewski is a longtime follower of this site, to the point that it inspired him to created the famed Aldo Kelrast MySpace profile. Bluebeards has been making top-rated beard care products for ten years now, so any bearded folks or those that love them, please check out the site and try their stuff.

If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.