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Metapost: Extra-long, show-plugging comments of the week!

Hello, all! It’s the first Friday of the month, and you know what that means: it means it’s time for me to plug this month’s Internet Read Aloud, in Los Angeles, which is tonight at 8 pm!

We have lots of funny performers, plus I’ll be talking about the time I first ventured onto the Internet to find love! Don’t miss it! The Clubhouse is at 1607 N. Vermont Ave in Los Feliz, just to the right of the Jons under the sign that says “That’s Shoe Business!” There’s free parking (the Los Angeles holy grail!) and it’s just a couple blocks away from the Vermont and Sunset Red Line station. It’s free! And you can BYOB! There’s literally no reason for you not to come.

Also, you know how I skipped the COTW last week, because of Thanksgiving? Well, I forgot that I had actually been collecting comments during the first part of the week, so those are in this list as well. Apologies to everyone who posted something delightfully funny between Thursday and Sunday. Nevertheless, here’s the week-and-change’s top comment!

“I hope we can have some weeks of Tommy wallowing in self-pity! At 25 he is an ex-con, unemployed and a drug-addict, instead of doing cool things like attending college or dating his mom.” –Ettore

And the very funny runners up!

“Right turkey is pretty proud of his viscerally graphic zinger. ‘Sure our organs are going to be pulled out, put in a little plastic bag, and shoved back into our bodies, but…’ (kisses wing feathers) ‘Le mot juste.’” –Dan

“He left the door unlatched and sat in a chair touching the television (the animals would never know that this was not how humans watched tv), holding his stolen property right on his lap, under the interrogation lamp he’d spent the last of his money to have an electrician install. C’mon, coppers, he thought. Make me talk. You’ll see that I’m the baddest punk you ever met. His one hope was that the newspapers got his name, Sick Smitty, right.” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of two million other women

“Nice little bit of fanservice in that middle panel. For those that like the female form: MJ putting on a bra. For those that don’t, a stately portrait of Paul Krugman.” –pugfuggly

“It’s gotta be tough when your the lesser brother in a family of entertainers, but at least Shemp Hemsworth is finding work. Perhaps this run on Mary Worth will set him up as the ‘dramatic’ brother and he will find more. It will be small stuff on other quirky indie projects, but he’s gotta bide his time until Marvel realizes the utility of writing in a part for Thor’s younger, more dramatic brother.” –Mighty Captain E

As you know, but as the vast majority of the audience has little hope of knowing…” –Majicou

‘Fooom’ clearly stands for ‘fucking boom’ but Mark Trail is a family strip, thank you very much.” –Ruth McIlhenny Gormé, on Facebook

You know I can’t look at him! He’s just too … beautiful, radiant. He’s like a toasted sandwich angel fallen to Earth. That’s why I’ve created this stalker wall all about him. Oh, Panini, you will be my sandwich some day.” –Voshkod

“Look, Mrs. Lockhorn, we all signed a blank piece of paper with a pencil. We won’t even cover for your husband’s concave head.” –Zooty

I used to cruise Main Street with all my friends. And by ‘all’ I mean ‘both.’ And by ‘friends’ I mean ‘some guy with a buzzcut and the only kid I knew who was geekier than me.’ And by ‘cruise Main Street’ I mean ‘sit behind what is clearly a cardboard cut-out of a car and pretend we were cruising Main Street.’ Those were the days!” –Horace Broon

Good. I’m thinking of retooling The Chambers Affair as a vampire romance. Those still popular?” –Kevin on Earth

“The way the models and drawing style are shifting, Rex Morgan, M.D., is on its way to becoming Rex Morgan, Vampire Impersonator.” –Steve S

“Despite expectations Michael isn’t touching that cupcake. He realizes this is a preview of his life for the next few years: everyone else stands far apart bickering with each other while he’s left to his own devices. ‘The apocalypse and the coming reign of my true father, Satan, as foretold by the Book of Revelations can’t come soon enough,’ he thinks. Then, in frustration, he throws the cupcake on the floor.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“I wonder if the social media monitor has any other functions, like making ‘Are You A Tracy or a Ketchum? Take This Quiz to Find Out!’ posts on Facebook.” –The Diva

“Henry is upset because once he gets glasses he’ll face his poor choice of drab olive shirt tucked into blue patterned pants” –Philip Moon, on Twitter

“Oh, hey! I guess so! Ha ha, coincidence, eh? Anyway, where is Tommy now if, say, one were an old friend looking for him for entirely non-drug-related reasons?” –James Dowd, on Facebook

“At first I misread panel two as ‘but the poo kinda soiled it.’ My deepest apologies to the authors for trying to punch up your dialogue.” –Chareth Cutestory

“Of course I went to Leningrad in summer. No one goes there in winter. Are you an idiot, McCarthy?” –hogenmogen

“The second panel shows Shoe in his true demonic form in the pink nothingness of Hell. He has no legs and floats around on a purple snow saucer. In the third panel the woman is not impressed.” –nescio

“‘Cliff Anger’” was a kid who loved the Starbuck Jones serials, went insane, and now believes he’s the original Cliff Anger. Everyone falls for his delusion because they can’t bother to do any research. (‘Mr. Anger, Google says you were born in 1916 and died in 1959. How do you explain that?’ ‘Young lady, the hero only seems to die in these cliffhangers! My survival is more fantastic than mere science fiction!’ Cindy Summers would buy that.)” –Droopy Says

Jeff’s dickishness is matched only by his wife’s feigned ignorance, as she clearly does not want to look for work. ‘Oh, okay, I guess I could get a job … if you think it would help our financial situation. I mean, do you think that’s what our financial situation really needs right now? More money? Okay, I just want to make sure we’re on the same page here.'” –BigTed

“As disgusting as it seems, I think Jeff actually takes pride in the messiness of his underwear drawer. It’s as close as he’s come to creating a work of art. That underwear drawer is his Guernica.” –Joe Blevins

And I also must give thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar or backed me on Patreon! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

  • Two Party Opera: A daily comic that features the Presidents of the United States as they live on the stage of history with the day-to-day news of political mudslinging.
  • Bluebeards Original is proud to join The Comics Curmudgeon as an advertiser! Company owner Paul Kaniewski is a longtime follower of this site, to the point that it inspired him to created the famed Aldo Kelrast MySpace profile. Bluebeards has been making top-rated beard care products for ten years now, so any bearded folks or those that love them, please check out the site and try their stuff.
  • And if you haven’t bought my novel yet, you should! You can get it in hardback, paperback, or ebook forms. It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy.

If you would like to buy advertising on the Comics Curmudgeon, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to the site’s BuySellAds page or just click here.

Metapost: Whoopsie

GUYS! Uh, did you know that last week was a big schedule-disrupting travel holiday? That’s why I didn’t post a comment of the week post this past Friday, sorry, I’m sure your comments were all very good, but I’m declaring a COTW-Picking Amnesty and giving handsome Harry Backstayge an extra week.

Speaking of things I’m behing on, I’m still finalizing the line-up for this month’s installment of The Internet Read Aloud, but I can guarantee this: it’ll be good, and in Los Angeles on Friday at 8 pm. You should come!

And I also must give thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar or backed me on Patreon! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

  • Bluebeards Original is proud to join The Comics Curmudgeon as an advertiser! Company owner Paul Kaniewski is a longtime follower of this site, to the point that it inspired him to created the famed Aldo Kelrast MySpace profile. Bluebeards has been making top-rated beard care products for ten years now, so any bearded folks or those that love them, please check out the site and try their stuff.
  • Two Party Opera: A daily comic that features the Presidents of the United States as they live on the stage of history with the day-to-day news of political mudslinging.
  • And if you haven’t bought my novel yet, you should! You can get it in hardback, paperback, or ebook forms. It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy.

If you would like to buy advertising on the Comics Curmudgeon, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to the site’s BuySellAds page or just click here.

Metapost: COTW, heck yeah

You know what time it is, y’all: it’s comment of the week time!

“Here’s a friendly tip: If a cop comes up to you while you’re drinking with stolen money and stands with his hands on his hips and his groin in your face and asks, ‘Hey, Pal. Are you [your name here]’ … even if you’re proud to have a clever nickname (such as ‘Scooter’), the correct answer is, ‘Nope.’” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

It’s also time to enjoy some runners up:

She makes me a Big Brother! With the cameras installed in her glassy eyes, I can watch the citizens and neutralise the Outer Party subversives while inspiring absolute devotion in my followers. First the kindergarten, then Oceania!” –Schroduck

“I’m trying to picture what it must be like to try and sell Shoe to a newspaper. ‘Have I got a comic strip for you! It’s about these birds, see? And they spend most of their time drinking to forget the terrible things they’ve done! … Hello? Hello?'” –Joe Blevins

“By failing to give us the title of Smith’s farce, the strip skips over dozens of potentially amusing puns. It could have been Bye Bye Birdie, A Wing & A Prayer, La Cage Aux Folles … but clearly the writers of daily comic strips aren’t aiming for jokes.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“Jesus, does the Perfesser writer all his reviews with that same kind if overdetailed introduction? ‘Roz’s cafe, with its selection of plant and animal matter, can provide sustenance…’” –pugfuggly

“So, you are telling me that Dad faked his death because he could not stand you, his horrible wife, and he did not care for his terrible sons. Could you explain me how he did it, step by step? I am asking for a friend.” –Ettorre

“A college student whose father just told her that he’s going away for a year and leaving her living rent-free in a condo well stocked with cookies? ‘I’ll be fine’ might be the year’s biggest understatement.” –Lacey Wootton, on Facebook

“Nah, kid, we got the Tooth Vulture. Look, could you hurry up and die of exposure already? I don’t have all day.” –Doctor Handsome

“All my friends have flown the coop or gone home to roost. Did I mention I’m a chicken? Yep, still a chicken here.” –BigTed

“A little bit of today’s headline is cut off in The Daily Bugle. The full headline reads ‘The City is a Safe!’ and details the villainy of ‘The Locksmith,’ who has enclosed New York City in a giant safe. It’s a brilliant way of setting up Spider-man’s next failure.” –Voshkod

“It’s rare to see a joke on the comics page that was clearly not vetted by any part of a rational mind. ‘Are this vulture and this kid friends?’ ‘Sure, sounds good.’ ‘Yeah, but birds … do birds have or understand teeth?’ ‘Nightmare birds do.’ ‘Okay, cool!’” –Victor Von

Hold your fire, men! Seriously, you’ve already blown off one of my arms, it looks like!” –Proteus454

“I am charmed by Peter’s phrasing — ‘o’coffee’ could be a hip new way to say ‘Irish coffee.’ And let’s face it: it’s not like hard liquor could make him any worse.” –Irrischano

“Whole swaths of research have been written about the Pygmalion effect, something that frames up how higher expectations lead to an increase in performance. Did we create Dennis? Are we the reason he must snarl and bite and play the menace? Nope! Some kids are just shitty.” –Chareth Cutestory

“Ah yes, good old Arthur’s Bar, where it’s less than six feet from front door to barstool, where they hang framed geometry on the wall, and where The Nothing waits right outside the only window. I can see why Leroy is the happiest person there.” –Steve S

“Frikkin’ Mitchells had to set up a goddamn spotlight for their joke. Sure Henry, you’re a goddamn Neil Simon.” –Dan

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar or backed me on Patreon! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

  • Bluebeards Original is proud to join The Comics Curmudgeon as an advertiser! Company owner Paul Kaniewski is a longtime follower of this site, to the point that it inspired him to created the famed Aldo Kelrast MySpace profile. Bluebeards has been making top-rated beard care products for ten years now, so any bearded folks or those that love them, please check out the site and try their stuff.
  • Two Party Opera: A daily comic that features the Presidents of the United States as they live on the stage of history with the day-to-day news of political mudslinging.
  • And if you haven’t bought my novel yet, you should! You can get it in hardback, paperback, or ebook forms. It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy.

If you would like to buy advertising on the Comics Curmudgeon, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to the site’s BuySellAds page or just click here.