OK, your COTW in a moment, but first, thanks to many faithful readers for alerting me to the existence of the Jersey Circus, which, yes, it’s pretty much exactly what you think it is.
Also! Confidential to elitist iPad users! If you read this site on your elitist iPad, you have probably noticed to this point that by default you will be directed to the mobile version of the site, which isn’t really ideal. With the help of the talented Dalton Rooney, I think I’ve been able to fix this; if you are still getting redirected to the mobile site, go to Settings -> Safari and clear your cache. Let me know if you still have troubles, or if you are using another device of some sort that shouldn’t be defaulting to the mobile site but is anyway!
And now: your comment of the week.
“This is Pluggers’ sad attempt to be informative. ‘Hey, did you know the light bulb was invented by Edison? No, I don’t remember what his first name was. What am I, some sort of libraryman?’” –Byeynyn
And your hilarious runners up!
“My brain cannot reconcile a world in which Beyonce and the girls of Apartment 3G coexist. It’s like when Mark Trail pulls out a cell phone and you fear for the structural coherence of his universe.” –Jake Morgendorffer
“Is Mark’s ass ready for the responsibility of caring for a wild animal? And who’s going to bathe the deer and check him for ticks — you, Mark’s ass? I have my doubts.” –Walker of Dog
“So the Keane’s family vacation is now into its fourth (?) week. I think it’s time Bil told the kids the truth — that the house got foreclosed and he sold his nipples to afford the gas and tolls to the beach. From now on they’ll follow the seasons up and down America’s beaches, living off of sandcrabs and scavenged quarters.” –A Seedy Looking Gentleman Carrying A Large Bag
“The first thing I noticed was Mark Trail’s voice bubble butt (haha … get it?), but then I saw the hideously crooked, apparently four inch nose on ol’ Stepfather in panel one, certainly meaning he’s had a few run-ins with Mark before. And this bodes well for a good strong one-two KAPOW in the next few days’ strips!!! Distract them with the talking anus! Rebreak his nose!” –Wilbur
“I think I know why Mark Trail enjoys spending so much time alone in the woods. Has there ever been an instance when the statement ‘Why are you here, Trail?’ wasn’t wholly appropriate? You could use that phrase to replace any dialogue ever spoken to Mark and it would make perfect sense.” –survivor
“Unless Lucky is a contortionist, Beth is actually riding him like a pony. Out of context, that sounds slightly dirty, but not once you know the context is Mark Trail.” –AndyL
“Remember, Big Daddy Keane, if he doesn’t float, he’s not a witch.” –Master Softheart
“Sorry, Lonnie, but your son hangs out with Mary Worth. He hasn’t really turned out that great.” –Alison
“Man, I am really digging hat-guy in Gil Thorp there. He’s just so happy to be here. He came to party, and damned if he’s not going to, youth golf or no youth golf. He and Andrew Gregory can have an off-panel party to celebrate being the only interesting people to ever appear in Gil Thorp, and also to celebrate never having to appear in it again.” –He Brought Queenie Baby Jesus
“This plotline is running out of twists. The only thing that could take this plot in a new wacky direction is that Dr. Mike and his dad are actually in an abandoned Sharper Image store with a tropical wallpaper motif, and pops is sitting on a massage chair. I can’t explain the sweating though.” –Government Cheese
“The scene in Pluggers makes ‘going green’ look like an inoperable prostate disease.” –NoahSnark
“I think the search for Richie’s killer will go a little better now, since those two have finally developed their mutant superpowers.” –Rumon
“Are you going to beat me up too, Kitty? Well, please stick to the face and stomach. Kat really did a number on my kidneys.” –Snuggs
“In a strip as formulaic as Mark Trail, there is no reason to use a foreshadowing device. We already know how this will end. Frank might as well have said: ‘I hope in 21 to 24 days from now I don’t get caught operating my illegal hunting grounds, have large beads of sweat running down my brow while trying to explain things to my family, try to escape, get punched in the face, and end up being lectured by Mark Trail while a Forest Ranger stands in the background with his hands on his hips.’” –Thomas B.
“A true plugger would never call directory assistance for a number, since it would cost money.” –Rachel
“Can’t Mike get married and have kids and be an alcoholic too? Why limit himself?” –greghousesgf
“In the last panel, Cayla finally realizes she’s really competing with Susan for honorable mention in the Les’ Lifemate Beauty Pageant. She’s always known that the first woman in Les’ life is his dead wife (whether in ghost or book form) and second goes to Summer, but now she knows that third place goes to the Funkyverse’s conquering bitch mistress: Pizza.” –Sassback
“‘What do you think about holding my book launch party here at Montoni’s?’ ‘That crappy drivel? Sure. Why hold it anywhere good?’”–TruthOfAngels
“It’s good to see the Mudlarks are keeping up with their crucifixion drills.” –Patrick
“Today is the first day of school in districts all around the country. It is therefore particularly malicious of our nation’s comics writers to try to pump up the parent anxiety like a three-panel NBC Dateline episode. Will my first grader be safe riding the school bus? Will my freshman football player be shielded from ritual bukake hazing? No, says the comics page. No they will not.” –Guy Neeto
“I’d say Margo’s makeover is complete. Those lovely raven tresses and that smock give her sort of a ‘Veronica Lodge meets the Bride of Frankenstein’ vibe I find irresistible.” –Joe Blevins
“A group of adorable schoolchildren are about to die in a horrible school bus accident! And Crankshaft had nothing to do with it! I know, I don’t believe it either! That’s why the police are already combing his place, give it time.” –Black Drazon
As ever, big thanks go out to everyone who put some cash in my tip jar! And, while there are no advertisers to thank this week, there have been some exciting updates to our advertising offerings, so please check those out!
Your comments of the week momentarily, but first: As I noted last week, this summer’s Gil Thorp storyline has been insultingly boring, not least because it has featured exactly zero instances of Coach Kaz being wacky. We weren’t even treated to another glimpse into his love dojo! Faithful reader Loramir provides some evidence of why this might be.
I confess, I’ve only read Gil Thorp this summer when you’ve posted it on the site, but apparently while Gil’s celebrating his success in bringing honesty back to golf, Coach Kaz has been hiring himself out again. Not, unfortunately, as a freelance badass — just as a yard man.
I encountered this truck the other day around town and figured I’d send the photo to the only other people I know of (possibly the only other people period) who care how Coach Kaz is spending his summer while Gil chills in the clubhouse: the Comics Curmudgeon and my fellow readers.
But we need to move on from this sadness and learn to love again, with help from the comment of the week!
“Is it me, or did the writer of A3G have an ‘oh shit’ moment when she was writing Mojo’s lines? ‘I’ve styled everyone from Beyonce…’ Oh crap, nobody in my target audience knows who that is! Uh … uh … ‘…to Helen Mirren.’ Saved it!” –Rumon
And the hilarious runners up!
“I call foul. They aren’t enjoying a real frolic until they’ve shared a sandwich.” –seismic-2
“I think Mary Worth is teaching us an important lesson about the inevitable random cruelty of urban vigilante fashion police. There’s no excuse for what they’ve done, but seriously: don’t ever go out on the streets in a vest, kids.” –Revenge of Chesnut
“That’s a hell of a big piece that gangster is riding around with in his sweet two-door Dodge Aries K. It’s a good thing he has that ice chest riding shotgun to help steady his aim.” –Edgy DC
“I’m glad they added ‘college student’ into that plugger joke’s calculus because ‘A plugger’s idea of a balanced meal is eating three processed foods with slightly different flavors’ would have been just too hard to believe.” –Fanshawe
“I had previously assumed one became a plugger only through soul-crushing life experience. I find it uplifting to deduce through the existence of college-age pluggers that it is a hereditary trait, and therefore one which I can almost certainly never acquire.” –Tess
“There is no way that is not Rusty in a Marlo Thomas wig. Who’s that girl? It’s Rusty.” –Jester
“I must say, considering Dr. Mike’s earlier histrionics he’s taking his father’s revelations with an alarming nonchalance. ‘So your best friend was brutally murdered in front of your very eyes and you left mom and me to go on a bloodthirsty campaign of vigilante justice? Fascinating, please go on.’” –Paddy
“Say what you will about 9 Chickweed Lane and Mary Worth (and I usually do), but as far as I know, they have yet to stoop to using hair cutting as a major plot point.” –TheDiva
“My initial reaction was also to be kind of judgmental about Lu Ann’s pathological obsession with getting her hair cut and seeming belief that it’s the worst thing that could possibly happen to a person, but I guess if I had to wake up every day to the chilling cautionary example that is Tommie, I might get a little squirrely on the subject myself.” –Violet
“I can’t think of a decade old enough to put jury duty jokes into.” –Alex
“So in Shoe’s grotesque avian parody of the human world, you can still smoke cigars in drug stores but Preparation H is available by prescription only?” –Joe Blevins
“Panel 5 of Mary Worth: Best Comb-over Depiction in A Dramatic Role.” –zenvelo
“Sam Driver weight-tested women’s shoes. Neddie had lunch with … some guy. April went on a thrilling, high stakes mission for the CIA, probably involving a car chase, a shootout, and lots of cool explosions. There was only time to follow two of those three storylines. And the creators of Judge Parker stand by their decision. –4 8 15 16 23 42
“‘Exchange data’? We didn’t call it that in my unspecified period of time.” –Zaratustra
“When Herb says, ‘I hate the way this show typifies the way women gossip,’ his obtuse verbiage is actually a psychological defense that indicates he’s lying to himself. What he really means is, ‘I love Gossip Girl.’” –BigTed
As ever, big thanks go out to everyone who put some cash in my tip jar! And, while there are no advertisers to thank this week, there have been some exciting updates to our advertising offerings, so please check those out!
Here’s your comment of the week — the best of a particularly strong bunch this time around:
“Fare thee well, Cathy. I will pour a 40 of Tab on the curb in front of the Weight Watchers for you.” –Plinko Commie
And the hilarious runners up!
“What your husband is too sensitive to tell you, Beth, is that the government put up the fence in an attempt to keep your progeny from ever meeting the Trails’ adopted troll. The end result of a mating between the two would be too hideous to contemplate.” –terrapin
“Notice how Rabbit jumps gracefully over the Elrod ball. Careful, Rabbit. That Elrod ball is sharp! Why, it is at the cutting edge of humor.” –The Check is in the Male
“Is that an actual morgue? In the Tracyverse, ‘MORGUE’ is probably a commonly-used name for a nightclub.” –Baron Bizarre
“I confess that I am in love with the delicate, moneyed, pinky-extended way Mrs. D’Buckworth holds a cell phone. I kind of wish cartoon millionaires would start holding everything like this … not just wine glasses and brandy snifters — pencils, chopsticks, steering wheels, fruit roll-ups, hamsters … the effete, plutocratic possibilities are endless!” –Dan
“The wife in Pluggers is obviously performing a cost-benefit analysis in her head: ‘I could stab him in the throat and claim it was an accident. But he’d bleed all over the place, and I just mopped the linoleum.’” –jvwalt
“Is Pluggers such a hard strip to draw that you need a vacation? All you do is copy out a suggestion from a reader, draw some obese animals in plaid, and die a little inside.” –Citric
“Say what you will about Cathy but she never killed her dog, finger-banged a Nazi, or used time travel to spread misery and cancer.” –Ed Dravecky
“What exactly is ‘Spotlight on…’ meant to signify in Pluggers? Because I’m thinking that when a plugger shines a spotlight on something, he intends to shoot it.” –wagmore
“I kind of wonder if this A3G strip is the writer’s way of screwing with the artist’s head. ‘Here, design a fashion show! That’ll teach you to draw my characters in Han Solo outfits!’” –JB
“Lu Ann has learned that asking ‘What does that mean?’ buys her a little time and, if she’s lucky, a one-syllable recap or simple diagram.” –Uncle Lumpy
“It looks like everyone sees a different celebrity in the Rorschach test that is Dr. Mike’s dad, and my vote is for the skin of Chevy Chase as worn by Willem Defoe.” –bunivasal
“No, really, what does that mean? Sorry, I’m having trouble comprehending. The speed just kicked in and life just kind of blue-shifted for a second there. I CAN SEE THE UNIVERSE.” –Erin
“Isn’t that sad. Jeffy thinks a pair of discarded boxers is his mother.” –Mac
FW: “When life gives you lemons, move your mouth over to one side of your face.” –This Guy
“I look forward to Kat and Kitty attempting to break Margo by forcing her to wear an outfit constructed exclusively out of designer handbags.” –Windier E. Megatons
“Is Margo planning to grab six pairs of shoes, or twelve pairs of shoes? Or is she going to just grab twelve random unmatched shoes on the principle that the last option would be the most likely to enrage Mama Kat?” –Poteet
“Josh, at first I thought you may have slipped up by not writing ‘outfitting a child in a urine-soaked banana suit,’ but then I saw the clever drain hole at the bottom.” –Red Greenback
“I think that outfit is perfect for Tommie’s job. She does work as a whore on a 19th century riverboat casino, right?” –Joe Blevins
“It’s always fun to return to Mary Worth’s downtown. It’s even more fun than Petula Clark’s ‘Downtown,’ with its smashed store window, littered sidewalk, handy 2×4, and awkwardly-posing yet stylishly casual rubbies in matching pants. Even the lamp post and residential-style garbage can (or perhaps it’s the world’s fattest fire hydrant) go together. Truly, everything’s waiting for you!” –Mooncattie
“Thursday Kit-Kat threatens to dye Lu Ann’s hair. Today Lu Ann complains that Kit-Kat wants to cut it. Those … those aren’t the same thing, honey.” –Anonymous
Big thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And we must of course give thanks to our advertisers:
- The Promised War: New York Times bestselling author Thomas Greanias returns with his new thriller! Beneath the city of Jerusalem lies an ancient secret devastating enough to reach across time and unleash a genocidal holy war. History’s greatest spy story begins here.
To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.
There are days in the comics blogging business when I really know that I’ve made it. Today, for instance, I was one of surely only a few hundred people on the Universal Press Syndicate’s email distribution list chosen to receive a very important email with the following subject line:
AACK! After 34 Years, Cathy Comic Strip Bids Farewell
Read all about it here, assuming you enjoy reading interviews with Cathy Guisewite in PDF format, and who doesn’t, really.
Obviously, a long-running strip like Cathy can’t just go away without a big to-do. But with the strip’s formerly chronically single title character now married off, and the October 3 end date too close for her to finally poop out a baby, we have to ask ourselves what the bang of an ending will be. Since Cathy was a pioneer depiction of a working woman, we suggest that she get with the times: heartless layoff, followed by workplace spree killing, concluding with suicide by cop.
This week: Your comment of the week, no fuss, no muss!
“Rusty wonders why the neighbors would put up a fence. Maybe it’s because your dumb dog runs all over the place? Just a thought.” –Flummoxicated
And the very funny runners up!
“I realize this may seem a bit petty for Margo, but our clue to her odd behavior lies in her line in panel one: ‘I’m busting out of this joint.’ Obviously, Margo’s body is currently being inhabited by a Prohibition-era mobster. She no doubt has dozens such damned souls on hand to autopilot her body through boring parts of life while she turns her malevolent gaze elsewhere.” –Warren
“I guess I Dressed in the Dark is sort of like jury duty. They have to keep the A3G girls sequestered lest they pick up a fashion magazine and suddenly they know too much.” –Carly
“Err, Mark, aren’t you supposed to give the kid the explanation that Sally and the dogs went to live on a farm where they’ll be happier? The grownups can handle the truth.” –ScienceGiant
“So I signed up Sally, the old dog lady, up for working on a farm! When I explained to her how much hard, physical labor this would involve she started crying!” –AndyL
“We also wonder if poor Sassy got the bath that she ran away from to start this episode.” –Fashion Police
“I’m betting that this is no training at all, but some sort of army testing of ‘white noise’ subliminal messages. Sure, Beetle is ‘learning’ about the M249. Alone in a totally white room, devoid of anything but a huge machine gun and a crate, with subliminal messages pumping in from hidden speakers as Sarge looks on from a two-way mirror. Next strip is going to show a Camp Swampy entirely covered in blood.” –mgm
“Sam looks pretty menacing in that last panel. ‘Toughen you up, huh? I’ve got something that will toughen you up. These sodas are room temperature … now drink up!’” –Walker of Dog
“I know the big animal shots in Mark Trail are just there for show or something, but something about that fish intrigues me. You can really picture the serene lake just outside Mark’s cabin, gently glittering in the sunlight to denote that all is well in the Lost Forest. Suddenly, this hideous fish breaks the surface, screaming ‘FUUUCK. SOMEONE KILL ME,’ before vanishing beneath the water again.” –Tophat
“There has to be some other way — an updated way — to convey ‘these people are poor.’ Because plaster and lath hasn’t been popular since the 50’s, but then again neither has Mary Worth.” –Thomas B.
“It would appear that Fred is sitting on a piece of styrofoam, possibly the packing material from the dresser next to him.” –Scott Bot
“Man, is Mike going to be surprised when he discovers his father is The Invisible Man and has always been there for him. It will be heartwarming and sentimental, until Dr. Mike completes his transformation into The Wolfman already in progress.” –Black Drazon
“Note to Mike: It takes a pretty special person to pull off an orange suit. You are NOT a special person.” –Aiantis
“That fence isn’t new; it was put there for the Truman Show-esque reality show they’ve been filming in the Lost Forest since 1946 — Who Wants to Punch a Shaggy Communist?” –bunivasal
“An adult movie called NUDITY? Are those people passing through the red light district in Herb and Jamaal’s city?” –Dr. Weird
“I love how every panel of Funky Winkerbean looks like it was lit with a single bulb dangling from a cord in some torturer’s basement.” –Patrick
“It’s nice to see the Dick Tracy artist throwing a bone to his target demographic, which he knows is comprised mainly of dangerously violent hermits and loners unfamiliar with social media devices and new technology in general. He can’t just assume they understand the concept of talking on the phone to another human being. ‘LOOK, IT’S A CELLULAR PHONE. SEE? THERE’S A KEYPAD, AND A SCREEN, AND EVERYTHING. NO WIRES, BUT STILL A PHONE. TEL-LE-PHONE. ALSO, BE GOOD OR DICK TRACY WILL DISMEMBER YOU.” -Krazy Kat
Big thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And we must of course give thanks to our advertisers:
- The Promised War: New York Times bestselling author Thomas Greanias returns with his new thriller! Beneath the city of Jerusalem lies an ancient secret devastating enough to reach across time and unleash a genocidal holy war. History’s greatest spy story begins here.
To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.
Kids, an apology up front: I didn’t keep up with the comments this week as much I should have, because I was juggling a visit from my mom and practicing for my water ballet debut. (If you are interested in the latter, there are some nice pics from the Fluid Movement Facebook page, bmore media, the Baltimore Sun, and the Washington Post — careful on that last one, as it plays an ad with sound before you get to the pictures.) Most of these comments are from the beginning and end of the week — I’m sure there were some funny ones in the middle I missed!
That said, here’s the week’s top comment:
“I am just enough of a stereotypical man to often think that nothing can improve on a nice steak dinner. I am just enough of a stereotypical gay man to know that the best improvement would be sitting down next to a drunk Margo Magee who is irate because she’s getting made over by a couple of frumpy bitches.” –LogopolisMike
And the funny runners up!
“If Sassy really is a Dalmatian, it is the filthiest, most urine-stained dog imaginable and no amount of bathing will get it clean. It’s like the antithesis to Mark’s pristine mind, possibly analogous to the Portrait of Dorian Grey.” –Aviatrix
“If there is a God in heaven, tomorrow’s Luann will be one long panel of Brad slowly inhaling through his nose, followed by a small second panel; a close up of Brad’s eyes, as he whispers, ‘the scent of Toni.’ And that will be the last Luann comic. Ever. Greg Evans will simply put down his pen, nod slowly, and walk off into the distance, never to be seen again. At long last, his Work will have been done.” –Dan
“I’m all for honesty in relationships, but if you are wearing cologne you borrowed from your father, and if you are not thirteen years old, maybe don’t share that detail with your date.” –BananaSam
“I was angry, and confused! That anger and confusion made me pelvic thrust at everything and everyone!” –CleverNameIsaac
“For a brief moment, I thought Luann was going to be cool enough to reference the Old Spice Guy. ‘SWAN DIVE! Into the most awkward odor-related compliment of your life!’” –Juggleboy
“If I were in this scenario and the guy I was seeing characterized me as a ‘sexy fragrance that’s all his own,’ I would not even wait for him to slow the car down before leaping out in abject horror. I do feel, however, that the time investment required to vomit all over his upholstery first would be totally worth it.” –Violet
“Oh man, the sight of a lonely, heartbroken Crankshaft in panels one and two makes me unfathomably happy. If I could melt that image down and inject it directly into my veins I’d never feel depressed ever again.” –Paddy
“Jamaal will find out later he actually called his mother at 3 a.m. to confess his love for Herb. Hilarity still doesn’t ensue.” –zenvelo
“Mr. Wilson really doesn’t have a mouth! He has nosehairs, and a chin, neither of which can be construed as a mouth, believe me, I tried for like ten minutes.” –garet
“Sometimes, it feels like legacy comics are the only media outlets still keeping tabs on milestones of old-timey Americana like the 100th anniversary of the Boy Scouts, while the rest simply focus on Katy Perry’s boobs.” –Joe Blevins
“If one were to single-out the second panel, one might assume a family abandoned their watermelon-headed child in a pile of his own defecation. ‘Let the waves carry him off,’ they might say. ‘It’s the Atlantic Ocean’s problem now!’” –Marc
“This Family Circus should have Mark Trail-style captions over it. ‘The ocean does not care for architecture or the emotional pleasure of creation. It is mindless, soulless, and inexorable as death itself. The ocean is home to whales, sharks, beautiful dolphins, and deadly jellyfish. Do not throw rocks at the ocean.’” –Zaratustra
Big thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And we must of course give thanks to our advertisers:
- Jealousy: A Strange Angels novel: It’s a good thing Dru Anderson is fast. Because the sucker chasing her isn’t slowing down and won’t rest until he’s tasted her blood and silenced her heart… “Dark, dangerous, and sexy!” says Richelle Mead, NY Times bestselling VAMPIRE ACADEMY author.
To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.