Main content:

Comics archive! metaposts

Spring fundraiser: enter … the crawlspace!

Click the banner to contribute to the Comics Curmudgeon. Details here.

Twice a year, I host a fundraiser to augment Josh’s income from the lucrative standup-comedy business, and thank him for the time, effort, and talent he puts into the Comics Curmudgeon every day. What’s that you say? “Yes, yes Uncle Lumpy, we pretty much know the drill by now, but what’s this ‘crawlspace’ business?”

Well asked! It turns out that however stylish and comfortable it may be, Josh’s and Amber’s new digs in L.A. are a little, um, compact. So some of the treasures left over from fundraisers of yore went into storage, under the house. Check it out:

What kind of treasures? Well, Comics Curmudgeon tote bags, for one:

And classic Rex Morgan, M.D., Judge Parker, and Mary Worth refrigerator magnets handmade by superfan Matt Crowe, for two:

Now, those treasures are coming out! Every contributor of $5 or more will receive a legacy comic magnet from this lovingly curated (and carefully preserved) collection. And contributors of $25 or more will receive both a magnet and a stylish and highly collectible tote bag! Finally, every contributor of any amount will receive the grateful thanks of Josh, me, the entire worldwide Comics Curmudgeon fan base, and posterity.

To contribute by credit card or PayPal, click the banner at the top of the page and follow the instructions on the secure PayPal site. To contribute by check or money order, email and I’ll reply with an address. Full details here.

As an added treat, I’ve dug through my own personal crawlspace (don’t ask) to select all-time best fundraising banners — more than 100 in all from the past seven years — now in rotation at the top of the page. Enjoy revisiting beloved characters from the past, or see the index on the “full details” page for even more time-wastin’ fun.

Thank you, generous readers!

– Uncle Lumpy

Metapost: I’m outta here COTW

Augh! Guys, apologies, but here’s a kind of truncated COTW post — been a crazy last couple days and haven’t harvested as many as usual. Still, this one’s pretty funny?

Frogs can’t grow hair. The feminine eyelashes are false, put in to adhere to the Easily Identifiable Animal Genders act of 1947.” –Enlong

And so are these runners up!

“I like how the Perfesser breaks the fourth wall there, staring directly at the reader. ‘My misery is your entertainment. Laugh it up now because soon you’ll be the one in the chair.’” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“If anyone’s starting an ‘Abbey Raises An Eyebrow’ Tumblr, today’s your lucky day. CONTENT JACKPOT.” –Dan

‘Ooops … It slipped!’ [Blonde bully girl character keys car] ‘Still slipping!’ [Pokes out tires] ‘My hands are very sweaty today!’ [Begins to stab Kelly and chauffeur repeatedly in stomachs]” –Jack loves comics

‘Nice to meet you, Mr. Wood’ is exactly the sort of thing a giant Emerald Ash Borer hiding inside a human lady skin would say.” –Jym the Wildlife Man

“Ralph is going to send a message to the city’s politicians: your assumption that the people of this city are apathetic and powerless and can be safely ignored is entirely accurate.” –Nekrotzar

“Our plugger friend here doesn’t even has his computer turned on. That’s how much of a shit he doesn’t give about this job. The people on the Pistachio Advisory Council will certainly fire him after they learn of this.” –Joe Blevins

“What the hell does a plugger tweet about? ‘Remember when we used to call twitter the bathroom wall?’ and ‘Just found out what Lovin’ Spoonful really meant & it’s not coffee grouds.Yuck LOL’ and ‘Just ate ham sammidge, contemplated own mortality.’” –Lily Sincere

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here. Uncle Lumpy is coming! Be good to him!

Metapost: Publicly funny comments of the week!

Your COTW in a moment, but quick reminder that you have not one but TWO opportunities to see me do Gary The Emotionally Fragile Yoga Instructor in LA! Tonight 9, at the Etch-a-Sketch show at the LOFT theater, and, just added, Sunday night at 11 pm at iO West in Hollywood! That second show will feature me doing something else weird! DON’T MISS ’EM! (Or do miss ’em, see if I care. *sobs*)

Anyhoo: here’s this week’s top comment:

“Cindy continues to Sacco-and-Vanzetti this date.” –Ned Ryerson

And here are the hilarious runners up!

“Wow, you’d expect Margo to drop an ‘at-sign dollar-sign’ when she needs a drink badly enough, but what could have brought on the foul blasphemy that is the ‘rotated-90-degrees-hashtag?’ BETTER WATER DOWN THAT SCOTCH, THELMA” –Paul Acciavatti, on Facebook

“Obviously Heathcliff is giving the highlights from Christ’s Sermon on the Mound.” –Joe Momma

“I like to think that the final illustration of Heathcliff — bat at the ready — and the Easter Bunny isn’t anything to do with sports but a case of Heathcliff advancing stealthily on the Bunny, with violent intent. Having co-opted Jesus, there is now only a single obstacle in his narcissistic crusade to establish himself as the central focus of this holiday. Hopefully he has an equally inspiring speech planned for this one: ‘When you get to Inlé, tell them that Heathcliff sent you.’” –G’Quan

“In between panels one and three, Mark ironed Wally’s forehead and re-handsomed his face.” –Ukulele Ike

Judge Parker: “Abbey’s deer-in-the-headlights looks makes it clear that she has no clue what Sophie is talking about. ‘Weasel? What does that mean?’ ‘Is Derek a boy?’ ‘What is this relationship stuff that you speak of? Is that something poor people do?’ ‘Care for some more breakfast wine?’” –AhClem

“The panda eats bamboo, yes, but is it gluten-free bamboo? ‘It is what it is,’ Slylock Fox sighs as he tosses the bamboo shoots into the panda’s cage and scuttles off before the panda’s symptoms of celiac disease become disgustingly apparent.” –James in North Dakota

I had my pick … by which I mean I always had a date for the football games and the prom. I wasn’t luring young boys from town to kill them in ritualistic ways and then consume their flesh. That would be … crazy.” –pugfuggly

“Sophie, I married Sam Driver, so clearly I had no memories of what boys are like.” –Voshkod

“The artist creates an eerie, Sin City-like effect in panel one, with Herb’s wife rendered as a lurking, shadowy figure whose only discernible features are her pupil-less eyes. I almost got the feeling that she was going to sneak up silently behind her husband and slit his throat before he even knew what was happening. ‘And Spanx? Don’t even get me started on Spanx! My wife has so many Spanx that she… GAAAACCKK!!’” –Joe Blevins

“Hey man, if I was trapped in a loveless marriage where my wife claimed various objects around the house like mugs by scrawling her name on them, so she knows what to take during the inevitable divorce, I’d want a little release in the form of some kinky role-playing over the phone with my lover Jamaal too, by playing our favorite game, ‘stereotypical male friends’. ‘All right, Jamaal — this time, you be my coworker by the water cooler who I complain to about sports. Sarah’s in the room right now, but that just makes it hotter.’” –Jack loves comics

Lewis-and-Clarking (v): To claim something before the British or Russians get their hands on it, and bring back mastodon bones. ‘I really Lewis-and-Clarked that cheese danish, Prince Andrew. Ooh, nice femur.’” –Litte Blue Bicycle

“The ‘realllllly good’ dream Beetle had last night about Miss Buxley (which will not be coming true) is that she will pay for the pizza.” –Shrug

“[Lewis-and-Clarking] means that the guy will get halfway through exploring her but then have to hire another woman to guide him through her landmarks until he finally gets where he wants to go. Then once he gets there, he’s going to build a little fort.” –aphthakid

“Private Blips has just added a new line of code to Gizmo’s thoughts: computers have limits. Unfortunately this contradicts the previous line that says computers can do anything. From now on whenever Gizmo appears he’ll be in a corner muttering ‘Syntax error’ and slowly starving to death.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

Judge Parker: “Sophie, I know that you are awash in hormones, trapped in a cavernous RV with two very drunk middle aged people who want to do nothing but insult other travelers and talk about The Chambers Affair, and still in mourning over a squirrel. Life is hard that way, sometimes.” –Master Softheart

“‘Oh, to be a gargoyle,’ Spider-Man thought. ‘To be a guardian, vigilantly observing the citizenry, a fearsome image ever present and never forgotten; but, locked in stone, incapable of movement, incapable of interaction, incapable of … failure. All expectations removed, all disappointments avoided — no bricks, no pipes to the head, no beatings from minor henchman of minor villains. They would all know my name, they would all know my face. But no one, no one would know my shame.’” –Vincent Watkins

“It’s hard to save a baby and still sound like an intolerable asshole. But damn it son, even when a child’s life is at stake, it’s important to concentrate on what matters: Screw Facebook. I can not stress this enough, that is my takeaway from an infant’s near-death. (sips coffee)” –Dan

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.