The Comics Curmudgeon

Metapost: Thunderous COTW

Haha, I’m sitting here in LA and a big thunderstorm just blew through and I literally thought it was an earthquake because I’m pretty sure I haven’t heard thunder since I moved here. Anyway! Now it’s sunny again! Let’s all enjoy this comment of the week, shall we?

“We called him ‘Squeaky’ on account o’ that time he tried to assassinate President Ford. He was a Chevy man to the end.” –Peanut Gallery

And let’s also enjoy these runners up!

“I imagine that, in a fit of vindictive rage, Snuffy will take what is likely her only bra and use it to create a makeshift slingshot to lob sizable stones at the rev’nooers, probably killing them. ‘Underwire support or th’ lawlessness we love, Ma — ya can’t have both!’” –rbmalpha

“I’ll jut point out that it’s odd that on the same day that Holly just ‘found’ $50K for comics, a notorious criminal arrived in Westview and robbed a bank. Sure, Canyon and his accomplice were apprehended, but what was going on in the empty bank while Dick was outside patting himself on the back with the Westview police force? And who was the Kingpin behind the robbery in the first place, or should I say, ‘Queenpin’…? #comicsgate” –pugfuggly

“Poor guy on the right probably isn’t even a clown, he’s just a hobo the anthromorphs rounded up on the streets for this cruel police lineup spectacle. Tomorrow’s strip will literally feature a court run by kangaroos.” –Hans Peter Gertje, on Facebook

“I don’t know which clown did it but I will tell tell you one thing. At almost eight feet tall, Slylock is fucking terrifying.” –Mikey

“So from now on, there’s three ways to do things: the right way, the wrong way, and the Max Bacon way. Which is also the wrong way, but greasier.” –Digger

Judge Parker: “I’d never imagined that the tale of two beautiful, busty young women and their stablehand, in which the blonde bonds with the brunette before she mounts her steed and rides away, while the brunette tells the stablehand: ‘Keep an eye on her, she rides very well!’ could be so grindingly dull that we long to find out what happened to the squirrel.” –Calvin’s Cardboard Box

“Through some kind of magical, once-in-a-lifetime configuration of laziness, ineptitude and choice of subject matter, the artist, writer, and colorist of Crock managed to conjure up an opening panel in which it appears a camel is neck-deep in a pool of territory-marking urine.” –C. Sandy Cyst

“I can’t wait until I’m old enough to eat dinner at 2:00 pm.” –Mumblix Grumph

“I’m a barely employed publicist, yet I own an apartment building in a city where they cost millions of dollars. So I have to economize where I can, such as by wearing the exact same style of blouse as my waitress.” –BigTed

“The heat was bad, but it was the humidity that got her. My poor wife. Anyway, let’s eat her.” –Jack loves comics

“I’m working on coming up with a plausible scenario for the depiction of the A3G cafe scene, like, you know, it’s an outdoor cafe, where you have to stand, and there are no tables or other people, that operates in Manhattan in January during a catastrophic blizzard. Was that so hard? It’s like you people can’t suspend your disbelief at all.” –Violet

“Hanna is waiting for ‘the munchies’ to kick in, correct? That explains a lot about how happy she’s been throughout this story.” –Joe Blevins

“I KNEW THIS STORY ARC COULDN’T END WITHOUT A WEDDING … or a politely and curtly executed legal action without all the hassle of ceremony, take your pick!” –Patricia Anne Carter, on Facebook

“What’s really sad is that, by Santa Royale standards, Sean and Hanna are pretty hot stuff. Their cutesy celebrity couple nickname is ‘Sean Hannity,’ since Santa Royale never really got the hang of cutesy celebrity couple nicknames.” –Lily Sincere

“He’s more of a pain in the neck to me. Just look at him behaving exactly like the other children, happily interacting with others and not causing any trouble at all. But he’s got his shoes on backwards. He’s up to something. I just know it.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“Just off-panel in Mary Worth, a baby carriage starts to careen down the steps. Fortunately for all concerned among the readership, the carriage is immediately followed by a rank of Cossacks indiscriminately shooting everyone in sight.” –dmsilev

“You know, Phil, a lot of times during the day we have seagulls flying over us, swooping down for a morsel now and then. I’ve come to hope one of them will pluck my eyes out.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Hey, Jughaid! Spoiler alert: Rickets.” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“Does the sailor-hatted man-baby’s head swivel smoothly, or does it ratchet as it makes a 180 degree turn?” –Chyron HR

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.

Metapost: Comments of the week, for fun

Hello all! Let’s start the weekend right the best way we can: with a comment of the week!

“Nice, quote Oedipus while peeling the eyes from potatoes.” –Joe Momma

And some very funny runners up!

“Crestfallen Sean only manages to continue because he took the batteries out of his hearing aid. If music be the food of love, then what the hell is this?” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Charity? That’s one of my favorite causes!” –Peanut Gallery

“Are we actually sure Mr. Wants-to-be-Coach is talking about abstract brands here? Maybe it’s tradition in Gil Thorp-land to literally brand successful players with red-hot irons? ‘It’s time to choose your brand, kid. Make it a good one; you’re gonna have it forever.’” –Lanfranc

“If people feel the need to add the words ‘that criminal known as the…’ in front of your name, it means your nickname didn’t take. Sorry, Jumbler.” –Joe Blevins

“Herb is doing his best to keep print media alive, and he’s pissed off that Jamaal brings up the competition in such a light. ‘Well, if you like these new forms of communication so much, why don’t you go sex their buttholes?! I’m reading the newspaper!’” –rbmalpha

“Sean’s face and arm say, ‘Hey, babe, wanna catch a flick?,’ while his words and leglessness say, ‘I am an animatronic torso programmed to ask the female to view a film.’” –bourbonbabe, unbuckled

“A BRIBE? You, sir, have clearly never eaten at Montoni’s.” –Windier E. Megatons

“So, this robot took three steps forward and then teetered and fell on its face? A worthy adversary indeed!” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“You know, maybe wizards who walk around in the middle of winter with bare feet and in robes that stop at their hips shouldn’t be so quick to judge The Girls Today.” –Alex Blaze

“HANDS UP DON’T SMIRK” –John Fulcher, on Facebook

“Today’s Dick Winkerbean aggregate finally answers the question: How can you be in two places at once when you’re not anywhere at all?” –SgtSaunders

“Don’t confuse jurisdiction with its exact synonym, legal authority. And while you are chewing on that koan, here’s the sound of one hand pulling a trigger.” –Nekrotzar

“Jell-O molds and a ‘Valentine’s social’? Say what you will about pluggers being old-fashioned, but a time-traveling chicken from 1955 is a movie concept I would definitely go to see.” –BigTed

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.

Metapost: MILFORD FOOTBALL RULES

Sometimes readers send me things in the mail! These things are always AMAZING, but often impractical. But! Last week I got what was definitely the most practical and still amazing thing from a reader yet! The crazed Gil Thorp obsessives over at the This Week In Milford blog made a t-shirt commemorating the Mudlark championship season, and one arrived in my mailbox without a note of any kind!

On the back they even have scores for all the games we saw this season. It’s quite impressive, and it arrived to me in the form of a workout shirt, and I literally need more workout shirts, and while my brain never formulated the exact sentence “I wish someone would send me a workout shirt in the mail without me paying for it or even asking for it and also it should have a funny Gil Thorp in-joke,” but this was exactly what I wanted! It’s not clear to me if you can still buy these shirts, but if so, you should buy one! And thank you, mysterious stranger who sent one to me!