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Metapost: Weekly top comments, curated!

A quick note on the fundraiser that just passed: yesterday I put all the tote bags in the mail, so you should be getting yours soon, if you asked for one! If you gave more than $25 but never got an email from me with the link to the page where you can tell me that you want a tote bag and where I should send said tote bag, let me know!

And now without any further ado, here is your comment of the week!

“In Dawn’s defense, I think Wilbur’s attempts to use a smartphone would be pretty hilarious. I would follow the hell out of his Instagram account, @sad-wiches.” –Dan

And here are your hilarious runners up!

‘There are lots of new mirrors … everywhere.’ Neddy isn’t looking sadly uncomfortable because of the sexual implication, it’s because she only has one fucking mirror in her bedroom in which to admire her breathtaking visage, and it’s not fair.” –tb4000

“Another example of the Mammal Supremacy mindset. The pets for sale are all birds, reptiles, and fish. Come the revolution, that warm blood will flow in the streets!” –Ukulele Ike

Of course, I’m biased… I love cows! Their big noses, their soft eyes, those funny swinging udders. Anyhow, you say that this cow is going to put your dad in jail?” –pugfuggly

“Ha-ha, isn’t their unhealthy, mutually destructive relationship crazy? Anyway, I got to go; text me if someone gives us money.” –TheDiva

Rocky and Godiva’s argument is over as quickly as it started (argument began June 4th, 1998, and again on June 7th for Sunday only readers).” –Dragon of Life

No, I will not trade husbands! The same rental agreement applies as always, $100 an hour and $150 if he wears the policeman’s uniform.” –Little Blue Bicycle

“This is one of those strips that could go on for a few more panels. ‘Yeah. Beeper. Good one. So, uh … who do think’s calling him? His wife … or widow now, I guess? I bet it’s his widow. Crock?'” –Joe Blevins

“What’s menacing is that Mister Wilson can’t recognize performance art when he sees it. Dennis has been spraying water in the air for an hour now while Joey sits there, hammer hovering but never hitting, frozen in indecision. It’s a stark and bleak statement on public education, but wasted on that philistine.” –Voshkod

“I don’t trust the curriculum standards in Hootin’ Holler, especially not for a history test. They’re probably just word scrambles of slurs that fell out of favor sometime around 1880.” –Irrischano

“A thoughtful Mary Worth reads her own comic strip.” –Pak-Man

“The debate may make the front page, but the real story is how the Santa Royale economy is booming, based on the lengthy help-wanted section and depiction of new four-story live-work condo developments. If Dawn decides to leave school because of her no-sex scandal, surely there’s a job waiting for her at a company that makes high-tech fitness trackers and appreciates an employee who has experience doing yoga and has heard of parkour.” –BigTed

“Neddy had the dressmaker’s dummies sculpted in her image by the finest craftsmen. (They of course were willing to do it gratis, the pleasure of copying her perfect bosom its own reward.)” –Lacey Wooton, on Facebook

“OK! Time to sit down and draw panel one. Let’s see, ok, we need a computer monitor … big rectangle … (Oh, but I also need to focus on Neddy’s sweet gams…) Ahem! Yes, computer monitor … uhh, another rectangle. (Mmmm those sweet, sweet gams…) Rectangle!!” –Chareth Cutestory

“Also, why does the Snuffy Smith family have a framed postcard reproduction of a Barnett Newman lithograph? Did Snuffy wander into MOMA, thinking the name stood for ‘Market O’ More Alcohol?’” –SamECircle

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

  • Bluebeards Original is proud to join The Comics Curmudgeon as an advertiser! Company owner Paul Kaniewski is a longtime follower of this site, to the point that it inspired him to created the famed Aldo Kelrast MySpace profile. Bluebeards has been making top-rated beard care products for ten years now, so any bearded folks or those that love them, please check out the site and try their stuff.
  • Oh, yes, and my novel is something you should buy, in hardback, paperback, or ebook form! It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy

If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.

Metapost: Unlucky Star Trek survey-filling return to the comment of the week!

Hello, all! Some administrative things before I get to the long-awaited comment of the week! First off, everyone who contributed to the fundraiser should’ve gotten thank-you notes at this point. (If you didn’t, shoot me an email at jfruh@jfruh.com, and update whatever email you have on record at PayPal!) Everyone who donated more than $25 also got a link to a survey to fill out if they wanted a tote bag! I thought had been pretty clear that you needed to put your name and address into the text box on this survey, but apparently I wasn’t, because some people just put their address, or just put “yes” or some variation thereupon. If you think you are one of those people, please go fill out the survey again! I’ve made what you’re supposed to do more obvious now. If you think you are one of those people and have deleted the email from me with the link, please shoot me an email at jfruh@jfruh.com and I’ll re-send it.

ALSO: I know this is basically no notice, but if you are in Los Angeles tonight and are looking for fun entertainment in which I will say humorous things at you, consider this standup show of Star Trek themed material, tonight at 7 pm! It’s Karma Lounge in Koreatown, 3954 Beverly Boulevard.

There are drinks and a full kitchen! And nerd jokes! What could you possible have to lose? Here’s the Facebook event, please come!

And now, finally, at long last, your new comment of the week!

“So Mary Worth remains subdued, conventional, and four-panel during the week, but on Sundays explodes into vibrant and amazing art so far beyond the conventional weekday routine as to be fantastic. This is the least moving tribute to Bill Watterson ever.” –Dragon of Life

And your runners up! Very funny!

“I’m saying you better get that tongue limbered up because I’m out of batteries, too.” –Tigernan Douglas Quinn, on Facebook

“You know you’re a plugger when the ‘shot glass’ you used in college holds eight ounces, because you were in college during Prohibition.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“Your life just gets crazier. Back in college you were merely drunk every night. Now you take so many interacting drugs you think you’re a Keeshond in a flannel shirt.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

I recognize you, Xandu — a sorcerer of regrettable moustache. So, what do you kids think of my jolly unicorn? I call her ‘Strawberry Shortcake!’ You can pet her if you want!” –Ukulele Ike

“We could sit around all day discussing the particulars about how storylines and plot points and all the elements that go into crafting an engaging, riveting tale. For now, though, let’s just acknowledge this unfolding masterpiece — a bus, stuck in traffic, desires to escape traffic.” –Chareth Cutestory

“I will never tire of Mary Jane reacting to supernatural events with a vague sense of detached annoyance. Spending so much time with Peter seems to have completely worn away her ability to even feign interest.” –Enlong

“Where does a major player like Nightmare recognize Xandu from? Is there a scouting service which identifies up-and-coming sorcerers? Is there a magic combine? Does the book on Xandu read, ‘Good with restraining spells but prone to irrational bouts of infatuation. Needs to work on his banter to reach the next level. Spells Above Replacement 1.2.'” –But What Do I Know?

“In the context of a 6-1 loss, ‘ripped a double’ means he shat his pants and the bed.” –Effluvius Erratus

“Judge Hiatt is the toughest around when it comes to drunk driving. Drunk anything for that matter. What did you blow: a .09? That lady needs .09 just to get her gavel-hand steady.” –Irrischano

“Whoops! I think the artist has given Jeff entirely the wrong facial expression in panel one. That particular face is only to be used when he’s telling his wife something like, ‘Marvin’s asleep. I soaked his Zwieback in whiskey, so he should be out for hours. Wanna try and fail to have sex?’ It’s perfect for that, but all wrong for a chat with the IT guy at work.” –Joe Blevins

“ATTENTION PARENTS: THERE’S A DEADLY NEW DRUG CRAZE SWEEPING THE NATION’S YOUTH! What you don’t know about BUTTERFLY SNIFFING could KILL YOUR CHILDREN! Find out the tell-tale signs and what you can do to protect your family, tonight on Action News 11!” –pugfuggly

“Know what I miss the most? Cigarettes blocking out the foul aftertaste of drinking urine samples!” –hogenmogen

Applesauce is a nice way to make tough birds softer and its sweetness pairs well with gamier poultry. So I second Roz’s horrified expression; who in their right mind would consider eating vulture when there is so much chicken and duck available in their town?” –Alex Blaze

“Wait, Tawdry Windfall isn’t a character in the strip? Maybe it’s the search words one uses to find Judge Parker on Google.” –maltmash3r

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

  • Bluebeards Original is proud to join The Comics Curmudgeon as an advertiser! Company owner Paul Kaniewski is a longtime follower of this site, to the point that it inspired him to created the famed Aldo Kelrast MySpace profile. Bluebeards has been making top-rated beard care products for ten years now, so any bearded folks or those that love them, please check out the site and try their stuff.
  • Oh, yes, and my novel is something you should buy, in hardback, paperback, or ebook form! It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy

If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.

Metapost: Book tourin’, break-takin’ COTW!

Hi everybody! Huge thanks to all you wonderful people who came out to my DC and Baltimore book tour events — I had a blast meeting and talking to you. Those of you at either end of New York State: I am coming your way next week, so please plan your lives accordingly!

  • May 2, 7 pm, at the City Reliquary in Brooklyn!
  • May 5, 7 pm, at Talking Leaves Books in Buffalo!
  • If you haven’t bought my novel yet and are planning on attending one of these events, I would ask that you hold out and buy it there, because that helps out the bookstores who have been nice enough to host me. (If you haven’t bought my novel yet and won’t be able to make it to any of these events, well, you know what to do.)

    And to give me a little breathing room as I lean into the second half of my trip, I am handing the keys to the site to your beloved Uncle Lumpy for the next week or so. He’ll start tomorrow and be in the driver’s seat until Sunday, May 8. Be nice and don’t get into the liquor cabinet while I’m gone!

    And meanwhile, here’s the comment of the next couple weeks, since Uncle Lumpy can’t bear choose amongst you:

    Skitter, the social media platform where cockroach politicians accidentally post pictures of their genitalic hooks.” –Dagger

    The runners up are also hilarious!

    “Torture sheds, or hot boxes, are an old tradition. Making them too small to stand up in is basic. But really, the combo of lowered floor and giant window is evil genius. Not only does it mean Herb will cook in the sunshine, it means Tootsie can stand outside, watching him, mocking, and waving the key to the shed forever beyond his reach.” –Downpuppy

    “More aggressive hardhat and chin-thrust profiles please. Let’s re-launch Socialist Realism!” –Lorne

    “Why youze not blooming like th’ oddas? I’d hate for to have to spill this hot coffee on ya, all accidental like.” –James Dowd, on Facebook

    “What’s really selling the book, Rex, is that new font your daughter designed. Monotype Saramond is going to ship with Windows Word!” –Voshkod

    “‘This cavern must be worth a fortune!’ thinks Mark, as he launches into his famous Ethel Merman imitation in a chorus of ‘Everything’s Coming Up Sheetrock’ from the musical Gypsum.” –seismic-2

    “I’m a little disappointed that this conversation is actually germane to the plot. That cheapens it, in a way. This stirring repartee about gypsum seems like the kind of thing Mark would do just to pass the time while trapped in a cave. Or while waiting at an airport. Or during a romantic dinner with his wife.” –Joe Blevins

    “At least the creators have enough savvy to know people nowadays take photos with their smartphone. Panel 2 could’ve had a guy in a fedora holding up an accordion camera with a giant flashbulb.” –giraffe-o

    “Ha ha, silly Dolly: drones don’t deliver life, they deliver death. Someday, when the ATF finally comes for the Kompound, you’ll understand this.” –pugfuggly

    Mary Worth: “I have no doubt that there’s nothing more that color monkeys — frustrated artists that they undoubtedly are — enjoy more than flood-filling the masters’ works with 25% gray tone. ‘I can’t get a showing the most marginal of galleries while this motherfucker’s been dead 500 years and is not only still on display in every major museum, but he gets all the sweet Mary Worth cameos. Take that, Neoplatonic ideal of human grandeur!’” –Effluvius Erratus

    “I’m always constintly at odds, a-fussin’ and a-fightin’ with my maw. Who knows what kinda psychic-a-mological reepercussins this sorta dynamic is gonna have on my relations to women later on in life, includin’ the way I treat you, Mary Beth!” –Chareth Cutestory

    “Gil’s treating this ritual with exactly as much reverence as he treats anything involving Marty Moon. It will end, as always, with the ceremonial Contemptuously Flippant Dismissal of Marty’s Opinions About the Team.” –Horace Broon

    “Ok, I recognize Rodin’s ‘The Kiss’ but is that supposed to be Degas’ liitle dancer in the glass case? Or is that the ‘Break glass in case of not succeeding with the coed you are seducing’ fixture?” –lumaca morente

    Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

  • Bluebeards Original is proud to join The Comics Curmudgeon as an advertiser! Company owner Paul Kaniewski is a longtime follower of this site, to the point that it inspired him to created the famed Aldo Kelrast MySpace profile. Bluebeards has been making top-rated beard care products for ten years now, so any bearded folks or those that love them, please check out the site and try their stuff.
  • Oh, yes, and my novel is something you should buy, in hardback, paperback, or ebook form! It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy

If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.