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Metapost: Autumnal comments of the week

Guys, even in Southern California the weather starts to gently cool in October, it turns out! Fortunately the leaves don’t fall off the trees, so I spend as little time thinking about Les Moore’s graphic novel as possible. Anyway, here’s your comment of the week!

“So to celebrate the 60th anniversary of the strip, we see that in 1954 they didn’t know what was on TV because the living room seating was pointed away from the set, and in 2014 they don’t know what is on TV because they don’t own one. Still unclear on the concept, is what I’m saying.” –seismic-2

And your runners up! Very funny!

“Check out Cherry’s foreboding expression; she knows Mark is in the mood for his favorite bedroom game, ‘Where’s the snake in our bed?’ No, that’s not an euphemism for anything.” –ZZalapski

“What I have learned from this Sunday assortment is that there are only two basic types of head-shapes you can have in the Half-iverse, and Harriet got the much-less-popular Model B, which features a distinguishable chin and neck. In her world, does this make her an object of admiration, scorn, pity, envy, morbid curiosity, or erotic fascination? Was there some controversy when she started dating Stanley? (‘It’ll never work, Stan! She’s a chinny, you’re a thumbhead!’) Better Half is more exciting when you think that its protagonists overcame societal prejudice so that they could stare blankly at each other across the breakfast table.” –Joe Blevins

“Doctor Octopus’ lair is on Long Island? Now I know he’s evil. And by ‘evil,’ I really mean ‘Billy Joel.’” –pastordan

“Some of the indie games on Steam are pretty ridiculous, especially the ones that try to emulate boring situations. Watch out, Papers, Please, Gil Thorp is developing Elevator Door: The Video Game.” –Chareth Cutestory

“The good news for Cayla is that the gift of paper has many uses. It can be burned for warmth, or it can be used to wipe her ass.” –Digger

“Okay, Cayla means so little to Les that he forgot their first goddamn anniversary, but she has outmaneuvered him this year, drawing him to her with Westview Sexy Role Playing: Hospital Patient/Soon-To-Be-Widower. She lies propped up in a single bed (she was recently seen crawling into a queen size, but this one is viewed from two angles to show it can hold only one), with her family gathered around, there for her until she slips away like the delightful Last Leaf of the year. Les is in his usual walkin’-around-town-garb of a turtleneck, cardigan and plaid pants. Their daughters didn’t dress up for it, but they are there to mourn: if there were going to be any actual sex in this sex game this would be perverse, but don’t worry, there won’t.” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“Hi and Lois pine for the golden days of yore, when they were allowed to have bonding time, people still thought smoking was good for you, and they had no children.” –Jack loves comics

This means Twitter is dead now, right? Which strip will be the first to acknowledge (and therefore signal the end of) Snapchat? Will it be Luann? It’s going to be Luann, isn’t it?” –Marcus Theory

“Here’s what will happen in Momma: Francis attempts to ask a question, but the Westminster system prohibits asking questions directly and there is no speaker to address them to. Frustrated, Francis calls vote of no confidence, which passes 3-1, but as there is no monarch or governor-general, nor any constitution (partially written or completely unwritten as in the UK) the Hobbes household dissolves into civil war. I anticipate Momma’s decapitation in tomorrow’s strip.” –Ashdown

“‘Westview Teacher Bludgeoned By Ersatz Asian Clock — Body Found Wrapped In Cheap Kimono.’ ‘The headline was grotesque and profane – even for Westview. Yet it was somehow poetic and beautiful to my eyes.’ So begins Chapter One of Les’ Story by Cayla Williams Moore.” –SgtSaunders

“The lazy angel on Spidey’s shoulder won out over the dickish, treacherous one. You go to war with the conscience you have.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

‘Ughhh … I’m really dragging today.’ ‘You should try drugs! They’re incredible!’ –DARE video #249A” –Chyron HR

“Give him credit, Doc Ock has been totally committed to this facade of respectability. Not a bubbling test tube or sinister plan schematic in sight — just an IKEA couch and a plant over by the window. Mary Worth has a more frightening lair, if only because Mary Worth is in it.” –TheDiva

“Once they hear Les Moore’s puns, the Chinese will open a special labored camp for him.” –Droopy Says

“Never actually tried skating on a cloud, but I’d imagine it would involve screaming futilely as you plummet to your death.” –Pozzo

“I really hope The Last Leaf is a collection of Love Is-style comics. ‘Love is … realizing you need someone to do your laundry.’ ‘Love is … forgiving your second wife for not being your first wife.’ ‘Love is … fucking your second wife while you envision the spectral form of your first wife watching you. Always. Watching.’” –Voyage of the Oversnark

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.

Metapost: Los Angeles comedic comments of the week

Everybody! Or everyone in or near Los Angeles, anyway! This is your final reminder that I will be doing standup at Tao Comedy Studio at 7466 Beverly Blvd in Los Angeles tomorrow (Saturday) night at 8:30 pm! Check out the Facebook event, won’t you?

And with that business out of the way, how about … a comment of the week?

Tommie! You’re home at last!! And … oh, you’re wearing a turtleneck. Despite the fact that it’s clearly polo collar day. So much for pretending you haven’t been living in a barn, then.” –Dan

And how about some hilarious runners up?

“Momma‘s kids find each other so repugnant that they’ve arranged themselves in a such a way that they don’t have to look at each other’s faces. Momma has decided to take it a step further by eliminating any light sources.” –pugfuggly

“Sweet! Both Apartment 3-G and Momma are in fluorescent colors today! Welp, time to print these out, pin them to the wall, turn on the black light, and drop acid! Best. Sunday. Ever.” –made of wince

Apartment 3-G, The Happiness Falls Fiasco: What really happened.

Frank: I’m not drawing that fucking deer anymore, Margaret!
Margaret: You have to! It’s in your contract!
Frank: I don’t give a fuck! I ain’t doing it! You won’t see Margo for months if I have to draw that little fucker again!
Margaret: Well, we’ll just see who outlasts who!
Frank: You’re on, Honey!” –Mikey

“With all three wearing matching colored tops, the 3G cult is back together. Margo is obviously the Jim Jones of this apartment.” –Ranger

No seatbelt, Ian? Looks like you’ll be able to give Hanna her dressing-down from the passenger compartment of her own car once you launch through both windshields.” –James Dowd, on Facebook

“Man, Ian’s beard is pissed. It’s already starting to detach from his face to wreak havoc. If they find that ding-dong’s body, cause of death will be asphyxiation by beard.” –Voshkod

“Stanley’s plan to evade taxes via atrocious health habits and an attendant early death is already going perfectly. He’s only 32 years old, and he’s in intensive care so often that now he just wears a hospital gown as his everyday outfit. He’s thinking of getting his monogrammed and everything.” –Joe Blevins

Ian’s pretty angry for a man who just won the Nobel Prize for Medicine.” –C. Sandy Cyst

“And congratulations to Mr. Giella for his masterful rendering of Toby as one who’s been strung out all night, waiting for the taste Ian said he’d bring to her.” –Chyron HR

“Oh lordy. Hanna Dingdon? Get it, because she keeps dinging cars? Come on, Mary Worth, this is Mark Trail-level naming. Well, actually, no. If this was Mark Trail-level, she’d have the nickname ‘Car Accident’. But still.” –Enlong

“Toby is an artist who paints and sells miniatures. Oh God, I can’t believe I know that. Suddenly I realize why I am unemployable.” –Gabacho

“AT LAST we see why Toby has bound herself to the rotting flesh of Ian Cameron. She and her entire race must constantly feed on human rage and bile if they are to live. A shrunken, wizened shell of herself when she opens the door, by the second panel she is aglow with youth and energy, basking in the rays of Chinbeard’s sweet, sweet fury. By choosing such a life mate/symbiotic host, she has guaranteed herself a near-inexhaustible source of life. Well played, alien life-form Toby!” –boojum

“That ‘leg-out-of-bed’ pose could mean that she’s arriving, but I prefer to think that she’s leaving: ‘By the way, happy anniversary and adios, loser.’ Or she’s farting.” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“Come on, Les. This isn’t that hard. Just mark it on your calendar: right after the Lisa’s Legacy Run is the anniversary of your marriage to Not-Lisa.” –Digger

“Sorry teacher, Dennis refuses to recognize Abkhazian Independence day. Try your anti-American brainwashing on some less menacing kid!” –Dr. Dread

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.

Metapost: Comedy, terrible IT: Things Josh has done or will do this week

Hey guys! I am starting a new tradition here on josh reads dot com where I put up a metapost on Mondays letting you know about (a) things I’ve written elsewhere that you can read and (b) things I’m about to do live and in person that you can attend! Obviously I’ll only do it when one of the above things is true for that week. This week you get one of each!

  • I wrote this slideshow about the worst types of people you meet working in IT! You may recognize these people from your own workplace, even if you’re not in tech, frankly.
  • Also: I am about to do my very first standup show in Los Angeles! I am on a bill with lots of other funny people this coming Saturday at 8:30 at Tao Comedy Studio at 7466 Beverly Boulevard, as outlined on this flyer!

    If you are a Los Angeles-area reader and have been thinking “Gee, I wish Josh’s live comedy adventures happened close to me — like, he should just pick up his entire life and move thousands of miles for my convenience,” this has now happened, so it’s time for you to hold up your end of the bargain. Seriously, if I do my first ever stand-up show in LA and people come out to see me specifically that … is the sort of information that would get around and/or be helpful, I think? Just putting that out there. Anyway, the Facebook event is here, if Facebook events are the kind of things you find helpful!