“Actually, you’re a plugger if you often fall asleep on the toilet at any time, including in the middle of the day.” –Bob Tice

“Interesting to open this strip with a panel of Shoe, who seems to do everything naked without repercussions, but maybe that just speaks to the inequality in avian society. I mean, if you were a rich and important media figure, how would you use your power? Would you maybe stroll around in the buff all day, going to restaurants and fern bars to hit on women with your junk exposed, just to show the world you can? No? Well maybe that’s why you’re not part of the global elite.” –pugfuggly

“Nota bene: if you’re a turkey in a world where both you and this dog/cat/chipmunk sort of thing can both talk, there’s a good chance it can also run a stove.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“I guess they don’t call him ‘the Wizard’ for his abilities in the manufacture of Dextroamphetamine, or even just a bit of biker crank? Little something to take the King’s edge off?” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“I want to thank the creators of Gil Thorp for a truly dynamic final panel. That said, if they really want me to believe Gerards is serious about humiliating Gil in front of God and his distractingly young fiancé, he’s going to have to be even more violent and ridiculous. Why stop at crushing a basketball with your bare hands when you could stab it? Filet it? Set its remains on fire, right there on the basketball court, and then devour said remains? EAT THE BALL! EAT THE BALL!” –Victor Von

“Dennis is talking a lot of shit for a kid who’s in a comic strip called ‘Dennis sucks.’” –matt w

“Look at Coach Thorp kissing that … that … Jezebel right there in public! As a 19th century Victorian magistrate, such impropriety would not stand in era I come from! And what are these strange orange rocks that somehow (foul magic by the wizard Spaulding?) seem to be inflated with air that you have lying around this enclosed courtyard? These won’t do at all, for flinging in the direction of yon lady in the middle of the towne square for the crime of wanton harlotry.” –2+2=7

“The thing that’s the most distasteful in Luann is the thought of someone so desperate to have sex with a nurse that they hover over him while he’s dealing with patients, and then drag him away without even giving him a chance to wash up. ‘Let’s get your hands out of those gloves and into…’, no, sorry, I have to stop there.” –Nevin, on Patreon

“I actually like the history lesson being presented here. Let’s remember back to the olden times, when portable music devices didn’t come with a phone, women in their 40s let their hair turn gray, bald men in their 50s kept a few stray strands of hair on their heads instead of shaving it all off and growing a goatee, and healthy green smoothies — well, they were exactly the same, except they were scooped directly onto your lunch tray for some reason instead of being served in cups. If we could only see Archie, Reggie, Betty, and Veronica in the background, wearing their American Eagle skinny jeans, hoodies, trucker hats and Uggs — and rocking out to Justin’s ‘SexyBack’ and Shakira’s ‘Hips Don’t Lie’ — we would realize that these truly were the good old days.” –BigTed

“I am picturing Ian as the dog in the ‘This is fine’ meme, with the flames replaced by piles of bird-destroyed things, and the floor covered in guano.” –CanuckDownSouth

“It’s Luann, guys. They’re not gonna have dumpster area sex, she just really needs to tell Phil about those couple days where she was a stick figure. Phil, resplendent in his one garment that is not scrubs, will be too busy thinking about scrubs to notice anyway.” –A Grave Mind

“Toby looks uneasily to her left. ‘Does this mean Ian will stop obsessing about the bird and re-focus on me?’” –TK

“Dumpster Lovin’ is bad enough, but Assisted Living Facility Dumpster Lovin’ is especially grim. Lots of soiled items, uneaten gruel, and the belongings of people who died and whose families were on the clock to get their loved one’s room cleared out. If that doesn’t get your Billy the Bookworm standing at attention, I don’t know what will.” –Old School Allie Cat

“It was a paid hit. It cost Wilson a popsicle.” –MKay

“The Law of Comics decrees that the only proper living arrangement is a nuclear family. No longhouses, harems, or colonies, unless you’re in an army. Today, B.C. shows the enforcement mechanism: Immediate death sentence.” –Downpuppy

“The other woman besides the Lockhorns looks to be a mime doing research on Leroy’s wordless flailing.” –nescio

“Leroy is unlikely to cut or bruise himself stretching. Rather than a first aid kit, Loretta should have a hydrating drink, a de-fib, or even past CPR training she might comment on. Waiting for him to pass out so that she can put a bandage on him is less ‘helping’ and more ‘creating an alibi.’” –Dondi’s Dad

“It’s the ultra-modern version of ‘The Gift of the Magi.’ The robot she purchased to do her chores was so expensive that she had to sell all her belongings — and there are no chores left to do. So to paraphrase O. Henry, ‘Now it’s party time!’” –BigTed

“If one wants to know how Mary is able to so easily rule over Charterstone, just note that the best educated resident there learned problem solving from old Sylvester and Tweety cartoons.” –Where’s Rocky?

“‘Halp’??? Is Ghost Cat’s other power that he can make people talk like ‘I can haz cheezburger’ lolcats? Is he the ‘ghost’ of a Millennial killed circa 2007, no doubt distracted driving his VW New Beetle while watching Homestar Runner on his Zune?” –Schroduck

“I like to think Sunny and Vixen’s immediate bond is based on mutual antipathy for Ian, and the fact that Vixen has apparently just met Ian makes this interpretation even funnier and no less plausible.” –Violet

“‘That’s a new development.’ In Rex Morgan, M.D.? I doubt it.” –Ettorre

“It appears that Lois has cooked each Flagston a different meal. Their favorites, probably. And they still won’t deign to dine with her!” –Ace

“Actually, Marvin mom is practicing for the glorious day she works up the nerve to stick her head in the oven (she kinda has to ‘warm up to it’ first. Ha, ha, get it?)” –2+2=7

“As Hi and Lois are canonically Millennials, and with rising recession fears, I expect the media to brush off the old chestnut of blaming Millennials for Killing The [Dining Room Furniture] Industry.” –Philip

“I love that Rex is giving, um, Nurse the blankest stare he’s ever blanked! ‘No big deal? But this is about me!’” –Victor Von

“‘I could use the extra holiday cheer. This week … or forever!’ I guess the only question left unanswered is whether it’s suicide or murder/suicide.” –Hibbleton

“Such a sweet story! No wonder Mimi suddenly remembered she was attracted to women and left!” –CanuckDownSouth

“People tend to want their wedding officiants to be someone they know or are close to, which leads to any number of lay people getting an online ordination and when it all inevitably goes bonkers, coming to me shell-shocked, saying ‘I never knew weddings were so crazy.’ I’m telling you now, Coach Luke, hold out for presiding at Gil’s funeral! It’s way simpler and hardly ever involves bridesmaids!” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“The reason why nobody is turning into stone is because nobody looks service workers in the eye.” –Charterstone: Dune

“What is the beef that pluggers have with the tradition of naming especially large storms? Do they have some kind of ideological opposition to anthropomorphizing? If so, it’d be pretty hypocritical.” –ectojazzmage

“It’s comforting to me that NASCAR most likely finds Gertie as annoying as I do. Why haven’t they disappeared her? They’ve got the power.” –MKay

“Huh, I always thought that NASCAR was a whole organization, but I see here today that it’s actually just one old guy. Does he have a last name or is this a ‘Madonna’ situation?” –pugfuggly

“Tried to research how long ago it was when Dennis took to wearing a helmet while skateboarding. Because I definitely remember when he didn’t. I guess it is more menacing that he has decided that staying alive as long as possible is more important than looking cool.” –I was told there would be no permanent record.

“I’m glad that Lou’s efforts to cheer Dagwood up have been totally fruitless. Suffer, Bumstead! May none of your disgusting meals fill the spiritual void you feel!” –matt w

“The fact that Dagwood alone constitutes a ‘lunch rush’ is something that should worry everyone involved.” –Guts Dozier

“Anyone here own a top hat? Or seen one? Ever? Yet the Mitchells own one. Look at Henry’s pose, right there. THAT, friends, is the asshole who thought it was cool to dress as Mr. Peanut for Halloween, every year, from 1987 to 2002.” –A Grave Mind

“This whole arc is like a surrealist horror film in premise: a man goes away on business for a few days and comes back to find his wife has for some reason brought a stranger into his house and that stranger seems to exist purely to torment the man. But the stranger is a parrot and the victim is Ian which turns this from a psychological nightmare commenting on themes of masculinity to the feel-good comedy of the year.” –ectojazzmage

“Attaboy, Ian — pour the bird guano on the floor and carpet. It’ll do them wonders.” –Bob Tice

“Oh no, Gil’s got the avian flu, in that he’s dunking his whole head right into that ramen like a duck.” –pugfuggly

“The problem of personalist rule is that it weakens bureaucratic institutions with much better knowledge and memory. For example, Rodney Rat already tried this scheme during the Obama administration, but neither Princess Pussycat nor Slylock remember this. I do, on the other hand, because the Comics Curmudgeon has stored this information and made it retrievable, something that would be useful to impose the iron fist of the state as much as it is to do dick jokes.” –Ettorre

“Judging by the size of that utterly indefensible picture window in the background, the Princess spends far more time worrying about thieves than a human counter-revolution led by Slick Smitty or Viscount Weirdly, who has been co-opted into the regime with a title and a grant sufficient to cover lab expenses.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“After submerging them both in water, the Rational Reynard found the shocking truth: both crowns displaced the same amount of water. Either both were real, or both were fake. If the former, then there were two sovereigns, and civil war must ensue. If the latter, then the royal treasury must be empty, and civil war must ensue. He finally pointed mutely to the one on the left, knowing it didn’t matter, knowing that the fall of the state was inevitable. The once-Vainglorious Vulpine turned, and left the castle to face the brutal future. At least he had Max with him. That would provide a meal or two when the granaries burned and famine set in.” –Voshkod

“There are only two scenarios in which Ian would ever have a ‘University Excellence’ award. One would be if Toby made it and claimed it was delivered in the mail, as an attempt to stop one of her husband’s violent rages. The other would be if he ordered it for himself.” –Lauralot

“‘Oh no! My fragile excellence award, and the Jenga tower I was using to display it!’ My sympathies remain low.” –Ken

“You can leave Hootin’ Holler? There were people living in Hootin’ Holler who could show their faces somewhere else without being chased away by an angry mob? And the strip never showed them to us?” –matt w

“Toni’s idea of foreplay is a perverse mindfuck directed at her unsuspecting sex partner. Remind him of a failed task, then prevent him from correcting his mistake with her feminine charms. The guilt he feels as he takes her in his arms is an aphrodisiac to her twisted brain. Extra pleasure is derived if it involves increased suffering of rival loved ones!” –SabeHombre

“This is how kids learn about the world around them. The snowman melts; Joey doesn’t.” –Hibbleton

“He’s employed me for years despite my laziness and incompetence — so, no, he’s actually a very, very stupid boss!” –BigTed

“Leroy understands the golden rules of comedy: wait next to a large prop for someone to walk by, say something incomprehensible, then explain the joke, which is that you hate your wife. It’s how all the greats got started.” –Navigator

“Ed, you idiot! Those pints of Jeni’s failed Mashed Potato Ice Cream sell for top dollar on the dark web!” –Gil Bates

“And the worst part is that his name has to rhyme! I’ve tried Lancer, Cancer, Necromancer … and they’re all shit! At this point, I’d settle for Hansard, or Panzer, or even The Answer!” –Guts Dozier

“I don’t know how many bowls of ice cream it will take to soothe my discontent, but so far it isn’t two.” –lynn

“Well no, we haven’t discussed holiday plans. Since this dumb book deal is the most interesting attribute about us as a couple, we’ve laser-focused on that topic for months. We haven’t even been able to pay attention to the passage of time. [does double take] Wait is it Christmastime now? Wow, time really does fly, huh.” –2+2=7

“That bird is only saying what everyone is thinking — and also repeating what everyone is saying.” –Boomer

“To be fair to Crock, in my experience ‘I’m drunk‘ is a reliable way to get out of a lot of conversations (relationships, jobs, etc.).” –a.