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You know the drill by now, everyone: next Friday is the first Friday of the month, so it’s time to add the Internet Read Aloud to your Los Angeles to-do list:

Also you should add “enjoy the comment of the week” to your calendar as well:

“Do you know what craftsmanship is? What pride in your work is? It is meticulously drawing the blackheads that pock an old man’s nose. The liver spots that mar his forehead. That is truth. That is art. That is Crankshaft, a true labor of loathe.” –Voshkod

The runners up? Also worth fitting into your schedule:

“‘Lookout Point?’ says Wilbur quietly, his eyes shifting. ‘Are you going to kill me, Mary? Or is this pity sex?’ Mary’s grip on the wheel tightens as her eyes stay fixed on the road. ‘Honestly, Wilbur, I haven’t decided.’” –lorne

“We’ve suspected it for weeks, and today’s inspirational quote confirms it: Wilbur is going to cope with his loneliness by following Dawn to Europe and headbutting the first Italian he sees.” –jroggs

“When Mary says ‘We all make mistakes,’ she realizes hers was letting him in her car.” –Maltmash3r

“Jesus, guys, you’re supposed to say the promo code. We talked about this.” –Joe Blevins

“The numbers are now in, and this one hideous ‘cartoon’ has negated over 7,500 cute puppy photos on Facebook alone.” –Mark Taylor, on Facebook

“Generally when adults stumbling up on each other watching porn, we have the decency to quickly turn away and pretend it never happened. Treating Crankshaft like a child somehow made me feel sympathy for him. And that I can never forgive.” –Alan

“I wish I could read any of the words in this strip at all, but my eyes are just transfixed on the angle that chair reclines and the width of the headrest. Is that was first class is like? I don’t care what he’s done in the past, I am firmly on Team Nomad from here on out.” –pugfuggly

“I’m charmed by how Milford is so unswervingly polite that the worst insult a pirate radio heckler station can come up with is ‘We don’t like you, Marty Moon!’ In a town where everyone is on full-name basis with everyone, this is truly the height of disrespect. No wonder Marty Moon has a drinking problem so often, if he has to live with a world where his rivals don’t like him.” –Enlong

“How are you doing? Life still in shambles?” –TheDiva

“‘Try the mirror.’ What a Shyamalan twist! Mr. Wilson was the glasses all along!” –Ettore

“Does whatever a spider can! Like being gently guided away from danger by middle-aged editors. If only JJJ had a glass and piece of cardstock.” –Janna L., on Twitter

“Are you trying to get yourself killed, man? Because if you are, I’m totally into that! Talk about SPLOOSH! Dead Spider-Man = clean-up, aisle Jameson!” –els

“The only probable cause Tracy needs to knock a confession out of someone is that they refuse to wear a colorful hat.” –BigTed

“Funky Winkerbean: where even the pizza looks like it’s about to commit suicide.” –The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE

“Wow. They can text restraining orders now?” –But What Do I Know?

“The only reason anyone would send a nude pic in the Funkyverse is to provide evidence of their melanoma diagnosis.” –nescio

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon! And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• Dan the Snowman: A comedy action adventure webcomic about that weird, weird life. Dan the Snowman follows the adventures of the eponymous hero, his BFF Joebot the Robot, and all the friends, enemies, talking dogs, and robots wearing people clothes they meet in Badspace, a strange universe filled with all sorts of folks. You should read it before it gets big, then won’t you be Johnny Hipface. It updates every Wednesday!
• Fiends of the Hub: Boston is under siege. Hungry, vicious, and wild, these vampires want only to feed. Can they be stopped before they destroy it all?

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

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This week’s funniest comment? HERE YA GO:

“‘When you develop a ship, you develop a shipwreck.’ What a charming little regional chestnut. The Funkyverse patois has many similar idioms, but most of them can’t be pronounced correctly unless you have a gun barrel in your mouth.” –jroggs

And the runners up? WE GOT THEM TOO!

“The fact that Thirsty is spending the day after St. Patrick’s Day without an IV drip in his arm suggests that he isn’t doing that badly, if you ask me.” –BigTed

“Hi looks out the window and sees his neighbor lying motionless outside in a non-padded Adirondack chair on his scorched and withered yard as the temperature hovers just above freezing. Is he sighing wistfully because Thirsty is dead and Hi has plans for how to annex his property, or does he hope that someday soon he too will know the cold embrace of death by exposure?” –JJ48

“As Trixie crawls around outside, she is being exposed to a diverse microherd that is challenging her immune system, which will make her immune system stronger and probably give her better health as she grows up. Or, very tiny chance here, kill her. Good either way.” –Poteet

“Dennis, find a new hiding spot for your weed.” –lumaca morente

“Putting a desk in front of a commode is Wilbur’s greatest achievement.” –Kevin on Earth

“J. Jonah Jameson is stuck in middle of the worst ‘not talking to you’ situation ever. ‘Sorry, Banner, but Hulk doesn’t even want to hear your name.’ ‘WELL YOU TELL HIM I DON’T WANT TO HEAR HIS NAME EITHER!’ [sighing, JJJ settles in for Banner to Hulk out so he can pass the message along]” –Dragon of Life

“Are pythons actually all that hard to fight off? They’re non-venomous, and they don’t crush like boa constrictors. Like, they’re still wild animals, you don’t wanna screw with them, but I’m pretty sure I could fight off one python, like if the shit really went down and I had to, and I’ve never been bitten by anything radioactive in my life. Does that mean I could conceivably beat up Spider-Man? Am I on a scale with such powerhouses as [checks notes] …a falling brick?” –Dan

“It’s incredibly hard to tell the difference between today’s Phantom and any given Judge Parker recently. Mike Manley is just drawn to strips about rich rugged men with ultra-sober haircuts wearily discussing warlords and third-world black-ops missions with women half their age, I guess.” –Schroduck

“I hope she’s really awful at this. ‘Let’s see, someone close to people I know, but I’ve never met … is it Albert who works at the dry cleaner’s? It’s not you, is it? No, no, I’ve met you. How about … that guy who stocks the milk at Whole Foods? Is that The Nomad?’” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“It’s a bit late in the season for the traditional Lenten appeal, but I guess if Dick Tracy wants to end the week with a savage bit of product placement for McDonald’s Filet-o-Fish, that’s okay too.” –pastordan

“So is that 72-point font ALL-CAPS message without any other information really an e-mail, or is this Wilbur’s computer gaining sentience and trying to communicate with him? ‘WHY AM I ALONE IN MY LIFE? WHAT IS MY PURPOSE, WENDY? PLEASE, NO MORE SANDWICH ART FORUMS! I CAN FEEL PAIN!’” –pugfuggly

“That was some mighty fine shootin’ there! Most folks wouldn’t have thought you could hit the largest land animal from less than the length of its trunk, but you certainly nailed it!” –Hogenmogen

“What is wrong with that computer?!? Is Wilbur Weston somehow running ‘Magic 8-Ball’ as his operating system?” –Stupid Philosopher, on Twitter

“Sure, Lois is relieved in panel two, but wait until the twins start explaining to her the meaning of ‘fursona.’” –Ettorre

“Don’t scare Lois like that. One of her ancestors in Hagar barely escaped the bubonic plague, so she’s always on alert for a recurrence.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“I’m going to assume Ashley’s personal trainer dissolves into muscles which then get implanted onto Ashley as he takes on her unhealthy body weight in exchange, and I’m going to write a script for a new body horror franchise based on these ideas from the Six Chixverse.” –Drew Funk

“For those unaware, ‘Zzzz‘ is a comics convention used to indicate gas escaping a putrefying corpse.” –Steve S

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• Dan the Snowman: A comedy action adventure webcomic about that weird, weird life. Dan the Snowman follows the adventures of the eponymous hero, his BFF Joebot the Robot, and all the friends, enemies, talking dogs, and robots wearing people clothes they meet in Badspace, a strange universe filled with all sorts of folks. You should read it before it gets big, then won’t you be Johnny Hipface. It updates every Wednesday!
• Bob the Fish: A site full of humorous and insightful videos on British television, mostly the forgotten bits around the edges. Most prominently the fortnightly commercial breakdown “The Hard Sell”, wherein our proprietor take a product or service at random and then point and laugh at the ways it’s been sold to us (or just go through an old commercial break cracking knob gags). Plus: documentaries about ITV and the dawn of satellite television! Also: There’s a Patreon!
• The Nameless Series: A trilogy of books about people falling in love while being chased by ghosts, attacked by monsters, and haunted by their own pasts. Read the story of how two crazy kids meet, feed blood to a ghost, fend off a slavering nightmare monster, and fall in love. And that’s only their first date
• Fiends of the Hub: Boston is under siege. Hungry, vicious, and wild, these vampires want only to feed. Can they be stopped before they destroy it all?
• Weapon Brown: Aftershock: Jason Yungbluth’s blockbusting Weapon Brown graphic novel busted so many blocks that it sold out! Help get it back into print by supporting the Weapon Brown: Aftershock Kickstarter! Weapon Brown is an epic, Mad Max-style tale of the apocalypse that has a twist guaranteed to appeal to fans of The Comics Curmudgeon: every character is based on a famous hero of the comics page! Charlie Brown, Popeye, Calvin and Hobbes, Orphan Annie and dozens more of the most famous faces in comic strip history all receive black eyes in this hard-hittin’ parody that never pulls its punches! And what’s more, if this drive succeeds it will pave the way for a new Weapon Brown comic book, Aftershock, a 48-page epilogue to the massive graphic novel that will tell three new tales of Chuck, the round headed son-of-a-bitch, and his faithful mutt Snoop! Learn more!

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

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Oh, is it time for the comment of the week? Hell yeah it is you know it!!!!

“‘National Conga Line at Work Day‘ would never work in the Blondie universe for a very simple reason: wildly dissimilar torsos.” –Joe Blevins

Runners up: Also very funny and we love them!!!!!!!!!

“If there were actually such a thing as online ‘pizza poker,’ Dagwood would be so deeply in debt to some company in Malta that he wouldn’t even think of goofing off at work.” –BigTed

“Mary is so amazed at her tiny act of generosity that she’s not even bothering to talk to any of these people buying her muffins. She’s just smiling beatifically at nothing as she exchanges muffin sacks for cash. Is she posing for her own stained glass portrait?” –jroggs

“What exactly is your relationship with Harlan? I thought art in Italy was a father-daughter thing… I mean, I know I haven’t been around much, but isn’t getting a new father a bit extreme?” –katakana haru, on Twitter

“‘What exactly is your relationship with Harlan?‘ ‘Jeez, Dad, don’t you think the hood I’m packing is a dead giveaway? Anyway, would you pass me those handcuffs?’” –Lawyerbob

“‘Like I told Mary, it’s not physical, it’s mental and emotional… and dare I say spiritual?’ ‘Okay, this somehow seems less appropriate to tell your dad than ‘We’re fucking’” –Dan

“I have to admit that I do like the artistic decision to draw actual eyes on the snakes in Snuffy Smith while everyone else simply has dots. They honestly do have the prettiest eyes in attendance.” –Mike Podgor

“‘We’re totally just friends!’ said Dawn, as she packed a pair of sneakers, a t-shirt and a swimsuit for her 3-month stay in Italy.” –pugfuggly

“At Santa Royale-Kaplan University, we avoid those messy ‘quarters’ and ‘semesters,’ and just teach whenever it fits your schedule. Only available for study abroad during March-June? Let’s go to Italy! Our trained professors will show you the sights during the day, and engage in inappropriate behavior during the nights! Don’t forget to take your dad’s walking shoes!” –Little Blue Bicycle

“The crotchety old second-waver in me likes this strip, for I harken back to the days of watching my scantily clad celebrity sisters fawn sexily over Spuds MacKenzie and thinking, ‘Just exactly how much of this Bud Light do I have to consume before a dog starts to look like a viable sexual partner to me, anyway?’ Whatever the answer is, it is obviously more than the amount that a pre-pubescent male has to imbibe before he views a snake in the same light, and I take a modicum of grim satisfaction from the female superiority that is implied. Here in the age of #MoyToo we must take our cultural reassurances where we can.” –Hopester

“‘Finally,’ thought Mark, ‘my chance to elevate the literary status of Woods & Wildlife Magazine has come as I get the opportunity to write a tribute to Orwell, Punching An Elephant.’” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“When will people learn not to open those cans of crescent roll dough while driving? If only Ghost Pepper could have waited until after he had dragged Dick Tracy down the road like a meat crayon to enjoy the yeasty raw treat, he might still be alive. Damn you, Poppin’ Fresh!” –Voshkod

“As Ghost Pepper is rushed to the nearest hospital for emergency surgery, the doctor comes in and exclaims ‘I can’t operate on this boy.’ ‘Why not?’ the nurse asks. ‘Because he’s my son,’ Dr. Pepper responds.” –Dread

“I had my time traveling. I went into the future and got this nifty bionic tentacle arm! Now it’s your turn.” –Peanut Gallery

“I want to know why Ghost Pepper is looking at his phone while thinking he just has to make it to the next switchback. Did he call for an Uber and it’s almost arrived?” –Dmsilev

“That turtle is taking the most satisfying dump in the history of turtles. That it is in Billy’s hands makes it sweeter.” –Kevin On Earth

“As any teen in 2018 knows, if you want to enact real change, you do it through the radio.” –The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• Dan the Snowman: A comedy action adventure webcomic about that weird, weird life. Dan the Snowman follows the adventures of the eponymous hero, his BFF Joebot the Robot, and all the friends, enemies, talking dogs, and robots wearing people clothes they meet in Badspace, a strange universe filled with all sorts of folks. You should read it before it gets big, then won’t you be Johnny Hipface. It updates every Wednesday!
• Bob the Fish: A site full of humorous and insightful videos on British television, mostly the forgotten bits around the edges. Most prominently the fortnightly commercial breakdown “The Hard Sell”, wherein our proprietor take a product or service at random and then point and laugh at the ways it’s been sold to us (or just go through an old commercial break cracking knob gags). Plus: documentaries about ITV and the dawn of satellite television! Also: There’s a Patreon!
• The Nameless Series: A trilogy of books about people falling in love while being chased by ghosts, attacked by monsters, and haunted by their own pasts. Read the story of how two crazy kids meet, feed blood to a ghost, fend off a slavering nightmare monster, and fall in love. And that’s only their first date
• Fiends of the Hub: Boston is under siege. Hungry, vicious, and wild, these vampires want only to feed. Can they be stopped before they destroy it all?
• Weapon Brown: Aftershock: Jason Yungbluth’s blockbusting Weapon Brown graphic novel busted so many blocks that it sold out! Help get it back into print by supporting the Weapon Brown: Aftershock Kickstarter! Weapon Brown is an epic, Mad Max-style tale of the apocalypse that has a twist guaranteed to appeal to fans of The Comics Curmudgeon: every character is based on a famous hero of the comics page! Charlie Brown, Popeye, Calvin and Hobbes, Orphan Annie and dozens more of the most famous faces in comic strip history all receive black eyes in this hard-hittin’ parody that never pulls its punches! And what’s more, if this drive succeeds it will pave the way for a new Weapon Brown comic book, Aftershock, a 48-page epilogue to the massive graphic novel that will tell three new tales of Chuck, the round headed son-of-a-bitch, and his faithful mutt Snoop! Learn more!

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!