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It is time …. for the comment … of the week!

“What I like about today’s Crankshaft is that the words have the form of light-hearted banter, but the utterly rage-filled facial expressions give the promise of these two assholes beating each other to death.” –matt w

It’s also time for your hilarious runners up!

“We’re about 30 seconds away from that owl snatching up Max Mouse, 24 hours away from the owl coughing up a pellet that includes a hat, scarf, and shorts.” –nescio

“Why does Slylock Fox believe that Harry is hiding nearby? Because he is … because he can see him … because he’s about twelve feet away, plainly visible, and presumably also still unfrozen. Though, I gotta say, his color ain’t looking good. Perhaps the sleuth actually suspects that Harry is dying nearby, and figures sandbagging long enough will make apprehending him a heck of a lot easier.” –Anonymous

“It seems weird to give up a loving daily companion for a man you only see twice a year and who can presumably prescribe himself a long series of unpleasant allergy shots to perhaps adapt himself to the changes you’ve made in your lifestyle that he wasn’t even aware of because phone calls are for suckers.” –Naked Bunny with a Whip

“This exciting plotline will be of an early onset glaucoma patient fighting the scholastic athletic association’s marijuana ban. Or ugly billboards upset Gil’s players. Either way I’m sure it will be forgettable.” –Zerowolf

“I never thought I’d ask this, but here goes. Hey, I wonder what Les is up to these days?” –Joe Blevins

“Actually the fact that energy-efficient light bulb technology has progressed to the point where just 25 watts is enough to light a tunnel is one of the few signs that things can get better. Can’t wait for Sam & Silo to discover techno-utopianism.” –Schroduck

“I was just doing my job. My incredibly important and difficult job, bringing health to the afflicted, bringing hope to the sorrowful, bringing light into darkness, wresting the dying from the icy cold grasp of Death himself, and saving your son’s life. But go ahead, give all the credit to Jordan. The guy who referred you to me so I could do my job. My job of saving your son’s life, of bitch-slapping the Reaper. But Jordan’s important, too.” –Voshkod

“Wrong question, Dennis. The right question is ‘what planet?’ See, George here is what we call a ‘replicant,’ and well, he’s seen things you could not imagine.” –Dmsilev

“By the way, I couldn’t help but notice the alarming rate at which you’re losing your hair. That’s why I use a lacquer so protective that thousands of years from now, when archaeologists dig up my tomb, they’ll still be able to see my intact, ultra-high-gloss hair helmet!” –JJ48

“A plugger’s bucket list is a list of companies that still produce reliable, all-American buckets for real men, not hipster Chinese buckets.” –Ettorre

“If I were a dog, there’s no way I would take shit from a chicken. A bear, sure, but a chicken? No way.” –Mysterious Shirtless Lawyer

“I’ve come up with an analogy that’s sure to convince my wife she shouldn’t mind me cheating on my diet! This brilliant plan can’t fail!” –Peanut Gallery

“It’s just as well that Peter’s not going to make his flight, since the irony of him dying from the bite of one of Australia’s wide variety of venomous spiders would probably be lost on him.” –BigTed

“So … a kid’s toy would stop an armored truck?” –Col. Havoc

“I’ll give Dustin this — most comic strips would be content to end on the wife’s Ashely Madison quip, applaud themselves for being relevant, and call it a day. But whoever does this strip decided to throw in another panel just so people who haven’t heard of Ashley Madison can still enjoy the Sara Lee reference. Then we end on something everyone can enjoy — a wife in a bathrobe looking bitchy and opposed to fun. It’s a classic 1-2-3 punch, kids! Watch and learn!” –Jenna

“Actually, I thought that was the town motto. The next billboard says ‘Welcome to Milford.’” –But What Do I Know?

“Didn’t Foucault have this in his office when he wrote Discipline and Punish?” –Little Blue Bicycle

“Sure, Glenwood Medical Center is clean and has a decent lobby with an acceptable if bland decor, but the lobby is full of sick and crying people. It’s really annoying to be trying to type a Yelp review and have a couple sobbing and screaming about their ‘baby’. Also it takes forever for them to do a simple kidney transplant. The video on YouTube was only 30 minutes long, but it took Dr. Morgan and his team hours before they were finished and could tell us the results. Would not recommend. 2 stars.” –Dread

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• Ghosts Are Assholes: James Kirst is a new author with a new novel entitled Ghosts Are Assholes, a different kind of ghost story, that he thinks you’ll love so why not read a free preview to see if you agree. Learn more about it on his site and while you’re there, why not check out one of his short stories too?

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

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It’s been a while, what with my blogcation a couple weeks ago, but it’s time to crown a new comment of the week, at long last:

“You know the old joke: How do porcupines have sex? Not carefully enough, apparently!” –BigTed

These runners up are also worthy of your time!

“Sam & Silo takes the odd position that justice is neither what people deserve nor want, but rather what they expect. So take that, pessimists! You were right about this much: God is out to wreck you personally.” –pachoo

“Safe sex? Why should Funky’s dad care if it’s safe or dangerous? He’s going to die of something any minute. It might as well be sex.” –White Rabbit

“Love the goth Christmas tree in Funky Winkerbean. The darkest green tree they could find, to remind you of the inky blackness that awaits you. The stark white lighting, to remind you of the institutional setting you’re going to die in. The grey trimming, made from the hair the dying once treasured, shorn from them as a final indignity before death. Merry Funkmas!” –Voshkod

“Again with the square balloon? Is the twist that Libby has been the narrator all along and she has narrated these last eighty years to prove that Mary was a horrible person and that’s why she abandoned her? Because we got the gist many decades ago.” –Ettore

“Which one of these creatures can see in complete darkness? Answer — The fish skeleton. Though its physical eyeballs have long since surrendered to decay, its trapped, haunted soul remains restless within those bones, its unblinking eye sockets forever forced to stare at the nightmarish beings that creep on the blackest edges of our reality.” –Schroduck

“Someone poached Rhino-man’s chin.” –nescio

“Thank you Slylock for the vivid imagery of a duck greedily sucking down link after link of raw trashcan sausage. The stillness of the night broken only by the sound of its toothless beak mashing processed meat into greasy paste.” –Escape Zeppelin

“Joe has it figured out. Since Kelly is obviously the person who’s been giving Kaz the film titles to drop into his conversation, she’s obviously also the person who gives him the questions and answers for his World Geography quizzes. ‘I’m interested in Italy, but Machu Picchu sounds interesting, too! Do you happen to know much about it?’” –seismic-2

“I continue not to understand why ‘I’ll tell Pitchblende about the money Miller put in trust with us, but I’ll pretend I need to continue to hold it, and delay paying his bills out of it as much as possible’ is a better plan than ‘I won’t tell Pitchblende about the money, and just keep already having it with no-one being any the wiser.’” –Hoarce Boon

“This whole plotline has been a missed opportunity to have Mary stroking a cat menacingly as she gives advice. Advice you would do well to take, if you understand Ms. Worth’s meaning.” –Dan

“Pretty sure Loweezy is just waiting for Snuffy to die so that she can cash in on his life insurance (‘life insurance’ meaning the large bet she made that he wouldn’t survive the year).” –Rosstifer

“Get you a man who will proudly boast about your culinary skills at every single opportunity, even if he’s on the butt end of an unexpected but hilarious (maybe? I guess?) pratfall.” –The Silent Penultimate Panel

“Narrator: It wasn’t a game. Dagwood was tweeting real people. He would discover this two hours later when agents from Homeland Security arrested him for being a Russian agent. Due to the absence of comically large sandwiches in jail to keep his hunger abated, he would be released three hours later after eating two prisoners, three guards, the warden, and their entire supply of pepper gas.” –Dread

“I can’t tell you how many hours I’ve lost to ‘Tweetbomb,’ which is tweeting while bombed.” –Joe Blevins

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

• Ghosts Are Assholes: James Kirst is a new author with a new novel entitled Ghosts Are Assholes, a different kind of ghost story, that he thinks you’ll love so why not read a free preview to see if you agree. Learn more about it on his site and while you’re there, why not check out one of his short stories too?

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

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