“If we do have to accept a more narrow First Amendment in the future, I propose a ban on topical references in the funny papers. It’s disgusting to me that the Bumsteads don’t still have a candlestick telephone.” –Tim Cavanaugh, on Twitter

“Turns out, employing a whole office full of people to draw up fictitious contracts with funny names has been ruled a ‘non-essential business.’ I don’t like it any more than you do, Dithers.” –Peanut Gallery

“The sole concession Blondie and Cora will make to the Pandemic is to wear flats instead of heels. Keep it tight, ladies!” –lorne

“Do you suppose comic strip characters are as weirded out by real-world celebrities visiting their strip as we are? Does seeing the unnatural level of detail and precision trigger their Uncanny Valley revulsion?” –TheDiva

“Dawn … do you still feel like I do? With your skin? Or has being in New York changed you into a C.H.U.D., blind and desensitized, querulously sniffing the air for the scent of meat?” –Voshkod

“I love how the doctors in the background serve to highlight that no one wants to eat lunch with Jared, including and especially when he looks sad.” –Jenna

“Don’t count Ed out — he’s only made a pun on the ‘over’ part so far. He’s holding ‘head’ and ‘bin’ in reserve.” –Pozzo

“The dog got top billing over Mason; it’s that little extra knife-twist of indignity you don’t get anywhere but Funky Winkerbean.” –Dan

“Look at Les’s disapproving expression: ‘What, you sacrificed your artistic integrity AND passed up an opportunity to get a deadly disease to draw inspiration from? For shame, Mason, for shame.’” –pugfuggly

“I’m confused. Is ‘the lack of universal healthcare will ensure a steady supply of movies with funny animals‘ an endorsement or a condemnation of neoliberalism?” –Ettorre

“Thank goodness. His parents are probably frantically searching the silverware drawer, looking for the missing butter knife. ‘We can’t just have seven complete settings! We just can’t!’” –nescio

“You know what’s sad about this? Warren conveys the joke — he started speaking at an extremely young age — perfectly well in panel one. There’s no need for him to say anything else. But then, in panel two, he panics and adds gratuitous explanation. You sold out, Warren.” –Joe Blevins

“Between Friends is actually a lockdown strip; these characters haven’t been sober in WEEKS.” –Rosstifer

“The charitable explanation is that Mason set up these out-of-reach meetings deliberately to puncture Les’s ego and grandeur, so that he will be ready for the inevitable pivot to Hallmark and Lifetime.” –Tom T.

“Are you thinking of me? Are you thinking of Hugo? Are you envisioning my shaggy, paleolithic head staring blankly at you from a cloud bank? Are you picturing my head on Hugo’s body, speaking in French about how Endor is a moon and not a planet? Are you secretly some sort succubus who specifically feeds on the love from nerd and Frenchman alike? Are you human? Or are you dancer? Jesus, these eighteen hour shifts are killing me. I … I need to get some sleep.” –Mighty Sean Young

“It was very clever of Dawn to store pictures of Jared in the cloud.” –Weaselboy

“For a moment I thought the Dennis strip’s punchline was screwed up by the layout artist. It took several readings to understand that it was Mr. Wilson and Dennis trading lines. Then I remembered that layout artists don’t work at newspapers anymore and wished I could daydrink. Then I remembered we’re quarantined and that I could! Win!” –Bill Peschel

“Slick Smitty must feel terribly lonely, being the last man on earth. Just look at those picture frames hanging on the wall. Instead of holding photos of his family, loved ones, friends, co-workers, or just casual acquaintances — or for that matter even people he doesn’t really much like — they are empty. They are permanent, constant, heart-wrenching reminders that there’s no one else. You’re on your own, Bub. Hey, in these days of social isolation, I regularly see plenty of animals of various sorts running around in the yard, but I encounter no fellow humans. I feel your pain, man. I feel your pain.” –seismic-2

“I like Lois blushing at the tulip in the last panel. It suggests that there might have been a bit more interesting story we could have seen instead, even if it doesn’t actually go to the trouble to invent one.” –pachoo

“I imagine you could disrupt a parade just as badly by flinging freezing-cold saltwater into people’s eyes, but what do I know? I’m not a trained detective, or even a detective’s assistant illegally trespassing in someone’s kitchen.” –BigTed

“Hmm. There are six chix. This might be a self portrait. Is this one of their writing sessions? Where they talk about the weird neuroses that they are going to cartoon. Like group therapy? Because if 6C is therapy art that emerges from a group therapy session, I think the strip is fully explained.” –richardf8

“The real crime Slylock Fox should be investigating is why the wolf put a bottle of red wine in the fridge.” –KMD

“That is not just unusually wide but a weirdly shallow staircase, too. It’s like they’re going up to the mezzanine in a museum. It shouldn’t be that taxing for Leroy, unless his wife has poisoned him.” –Tom T.

“THE PILLOW LORETTA NOW IS THE TIME FOR THE PILLOW AS WE REHEARSED” –pastordan

“Look at the depressed look of the police chief in panel 2! ‘Yeah, we got a bomb-sniffing dog that is only good at identifying cinematic bombs. I’d rather have known this before the last terrorist attack. We lost so many brave agents and so many civilians.’” –Ettorre

“How is a sesame bagel with peanut butter unusual? The worrying thing is the straight razor he’s apparently going to use to spread it.” –Rosstifer

“Hey, so what’s the creepiest things about this strip? Boog’s dead eyes as his father talks about the Grave? The parrot who can somehow enunciate the difference between a ‘c’ and a ‘k’? The general moist, creepy ambiance that inhabits every Gasoline Alley strip? Nope: its Charlotte’s massive palms and tiny fingers, in what looks like the worst case ever of what my granny used to call ‘carny hands.’” –pugfuggly

“Honestly I find this development in Mary Worth very relatable. And I was checking to see whether the restaurant they’re at (Amélie Wine Bar on the Upper West Side) had curtains like that (of course not), and I somehow found myself clicking on a reservations link even though I don’t live in New York and also coronavirus, so I find all sorts of bad decisions relatable.” –matt w

“‘Me want cookies. Me also want web cache, registry, and pen register. Me want Title III wiretap. Me want this guy. Me want him bad.’ –Scene from CSI:Sesame Street:Cyber Crimes Squad.” –Voshkod

“Ah good, Hugo’s feelings aren’t hurt. Maybe don’t show him a picture of the guy you left him for though. No reason.” –Dan

“Eat Drink Man Dead Woman
Fists of Radiation
Farewell My Concubine, Because You’re Dying
Slouching Jackass Hidden Tumor” –made of wince

“If Mohawk Dude is married I’d love to eavesdrop on some home conversations. ‘No, honey, I love your white bean and olive soup. I’m just not sure the Chinese will go for an overcooked salty mess. Their words, not mine.’” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Does Slylock see anything suspicious? He sees multiple species together in a room where bodily fluids might mix, a hothouse for zoonotic diseases. Like the axolotl-echidna pulmonary virus that wiped out most of mankind, leading animal to sapience and power. No, nothing suspicious here; just good policy designed to keep the few remaining humans down. Slylock smiles. The future is assured.” –Voshkod

“‘Now that summer is here and lots of us are headed outdoors…’ Wrong on both counts, dipshit.” –nescio

“Relax everyone, Slylock is not a perv. Just a normal predator, hungrily eyeing all those succulent mammal babies.” –Peanut Gallery

“Extremely excited for the return of the producer who pitied Les for being a towering genius who crafted beautiful artwork that was too good, too noble for the crass world of commercial entertainment. It’s Les Moore jackoff season on Funky Winkerbean and it’s quarantine, NOBODY’S ALLOWED TO LEAVE” –Dan

“Fun fact, coral is an animal! I’ll bet it has been granted the same sentience as all of the other animals. Does it realize it’s wearing a diamond ring? Or is it oblivious because it has no eyes or ears or any other way for its sentience to interact with the outside world and is trapped in an eternal solitary confinement in which its sentience is a curse? Will Slylock recognize the sentient coral, or will he treat it like an inanimate object? Will it be a blessing or a curse when the coral’s solitude is interrupted by the trauma or Slylock snapping off an appendage to retrieve the ring?” –Glires

“Hugo is losing points in the ‘Fake French’ department. As at least Lois is wearing a beret.” –The Dimensional Otter

“You have to give Lois credit for effort since she’s trying to sell houses on New Year’s Day, Easter, Chinese New Year, Passover, and Nowruz. ABC, Lois, ABC.” –But What Do I Know?

“Remember, Jughaid is being raised by his aunt and uncle. Jughaid’s actual parents really were murdered in front of him, in the 1940s. He’s just so lazy it took him this long to turn into Batman.” –Banana Jr. 6000

“Also, do you have a copy of your book where the title on the spine is listed as Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban? ‘Cause that’s the only way this plan of mine works.” –Joe Blevins

“It’s interesting that the receptionist is peeved that this patient doesn’t have a mask on but isn’t wearing one herself. She’s actually more likely than most people to be asymptomatic but contagious, given all the sick people she comes in contact every day. But why shouldn’t she be both snippy and hypocritical? This is the Morgan Clinic, and she’s staying on-brand.” –BigTed

“That’s the general idea, yes. But feel free to loudly say the words ‘cough, cough’ with your mask on. Onomatopoeia really helps Dr. Morgan diagnose symptoms.” –Mighty Sean Young

“That receptionist has just about had it with humoring people who feel a need to verbally clarify the obvious purpose of mundane objects.” –Christopher Robin

“Is Cindy pulling into the garage? No, she’s driving into a gaping black void, just like every other character in this godforsaken strip.” –jeltranksss

“Child Protective Services should investigate how many dangerous situations Rusty finds himself in — except that the landmark case Trail v. United States decreed that Rusty cannot be classified as a ‘human child.’” –Ettorre