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Folks, your comment of the week momentarily, BUT FIRST: tonight, at 6 pm Pacific/9 pm Eastern/other times in other time zones, I trust you to do the math, it’s the first edition of the Internet Read Aloud … over the internet!

If you’ve already contacted me to get on the list, I’ll be sending out the Zoom URL in a few hours … but if you haven’t, email me at jfruh@jfruh.com in order to get on the list! Hope to “see” you all there!

But first, you’ll be seeing this week’s comment of the week!

“I hope Mark’s movie announcement is being picketed. He’s punched enough people that they might assemble to protest anything and everything that might bring him joy or prosperity, right?” –DevOpsDad

And your hilarious runners up!

“Look, I hate to do this, but ‘wedding tackle’ was in Austin Powers. And by ‘do this,’ I mean ‘admit that I have a clear memory of the euphemisms Austin Powers uses for his junk,’ not ‘nitpick.’” –Anonymous

“This doctor abused his position of power not to extract sexual favours from a nurse, but to solve some mild annoyance. Truly, Rex has always been Rex.” –Ettorre

“Just in case you were wondering if Marianne might be a character you could like, here’s a strip where she encourages Les Moore to talk.” –jroggs

“Wow Dick Tracy is actually kind of blowing my mind here. You got Howdy Doody (real boy version), a meth head, 30s era gangster, and a fat gourmond whose villainous power is fueled by hipster ice cream. They are mashing so many different genres of crap together that it’s making my sinuses ache.” –ArtistFKAtoxic

“It’s a little weird to point out how illegal what you’re doing is whilst you’re in the middle of commiting a crime, but this is still the most natural dialogue I’ve ever seen in Mark Trail.” –Rosstifer

“The worst thing about a plugger’s ‘accident’ in the kitchen is that it’s huge, because he’s a bear. Also, it smells like cooked cole slaw.” –BigTed

“Les is thinking it’s not the wig color that’s wrong but the wig itself. His dead wife Lisa died of cancer and she was BALD when she passed. Les needs to memorialize his dead wife the way she died, much like Christians depict Christ on the cross.” –jeltranksss

“Wow, Rex Morgan giving Mark Trail some competition for Least Convincing Affect by a Semi-Sentient Automation.” –ArtOfWargames, on Twitter

“I am rather concerned about the presence within the cafeteria of the orange-haired woman seen over Rex’s shoulder, since she has no face. Perhaps she is at the hospital because she is being treated for invisibility, but I fear it is more likely that her hospital gown is actually … empty. She is the Red Death, and she has come to claim the lives of everyone there. Now, I realize that Rex and June did not in fact die during their cute-meet, but remember that June is telling this story, and this is how she wishes it had turned out.” –seismic-2

“Mock Rocky’s outfit all you want, I’m glad that Beetle Bailey is giving us a peek into his pre-army life as a member of an ethnically-diverse 1980s Hollywood street gang.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Sarge is looking extremely shocked that the guy he’s known for over 60 years is acting true to his one-dimensional character traits. Brace yourself pal, I think Beetle might get lazy later, and it’s all fresh and terrifying to you every time, isn’t it.” –Dan

“Saul has experienced the death of his wife. He grieved the death of Greta’s predecessor. Recently his nameless cousin, who he apparently loved like a sister, died. Saul should understand the effects of grief but he abandoned Madi to Mary, who has never experienced an emotion.” –N.L. Urker, the Phillips screwdriver of the gods

“I always thought that Loweezy was a real large woman, given how she towers over her husband, but look at those giant dollar bills in her hand: she must be pretty damn small, and Snuffy must be absolutely miniscule! I guess the joke here is ‘severe malnutrition.’” –pugfuggly

“Putting the money in a bank is, of course, out of the question. The last bank in the Holler failed in 1933, when both depositors tried to withdraw their funds at the same time.” –Mr. A

Remember: If you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for a mere three dollars a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter! If you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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This week’s ……. top comment!

“My Gram loved colors. Shapes, too … she was really into shapes. Textures, aromas … most of the letters of the alphabet … she was kind of a Renaissance woman, I guess.” –Pozzo

And the very hilarious runners up!

“Today’s revelation that you can’t spell Funky Winkerbean without ‘KY’ will haunt me for the rest of the week.” –nescio

“‘We no longer call our presidents ‘Honest Abe’! Mostly because there has been only one president named Abraham and it would be silly to call ‘Honest Abe’ a George or a John. Sure, lack of honesty is also a problem, but not so much as lack of Abrahams.” –Ettorre

“This Judge Parker may seem to have the most throwaway-able of throwaway panels, but papers who choose to run only the second and third rows are depriving their readers of an excellent opportunity to admire Neddy’s hair. Look at the sheen, the bounce, the luster! That hair is better cared for than any part of your body, that’s for sure!” –Joe Blevins

“Snuffy may not be an educated man, but he’s not stupid. Chicken farm owners press charges for burglary, but you know who doesn’t? The dead.” –jroggs

“I’m really hoping Jeremy Cartwright is a fat, balding method actor who persistently asks Mark questions like ‘What was your mother like?’ and ‘How old were you when you lost your virginity?’ And I hope he breaks into the cabin late at night, eats the leftover pink and orange stuff Cherry so lovingly prepared, and spreads Mark’s pomade all over his chest hair.” –made of wince

“You just know Sarge’s ‘after’ shots involve a toilet. You just know it.” –Voshkod

“I’m sitting next to the guy who wrote Lisa’s Story. Also, I’m, like, one of the leads of the movie, and a major movie star, and the studio should have told you that they’re expecting me on set? Also, since when do security guards explain what movie they’re filming instead of just saying ‘lot’s closed’? This is easily one of the top, I dunno, forty things about this storyline that are completely unbelievable.” –Green Luthor

“Now that Dawn is settled down with a nice ugly Star Wars nerd instead of gallivanting around with foreigners and clubbing with yoga-practicing college professors, Mary needs a new young protégé to keep on the straight and narrow path of respectability. Look at her focusing her gaze, laser-like, on that tuft of pink hair, like a bohemian weed that needs to be trimmed. Gonna have you shopping at H&M before the summer’s end young lady, just in time to thank your father for crushing socialism in the global south.” –Dan

“This is of course June’s fantasy of what happened, and like so many of her fantasies, the rugged Dr. Keith shows up at some point.” –Jenna

“Rex is annoyed because his friend, Dr. Darkest Timeline Mark Trail, is explaining things to him like you would a 5-year-old. ‘Dude, we went to medical school together!’ ‘I remember, ol’ pal. Now, the ankle is a joint above the foot…’” –BigTed

“It’s nice to see the kids recognize that Hi and Lois’s days are numbered so they’re practicing their self-satisfied but wholly unearned smirks in hopes of getting jobs in the Funkyverse.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Snuffy’s drool droplets are indistinguishable from the strip’s usual sweat droplets. Is he just sweating out of his mouth? Does everyone in this strip sweat out of their mouths instead of their skin? Are their giant, flapping tongues some kind of cooling adaptation, like the giant ears of a desert fox? I have never been more interested in this strip than I am right now.” –Mr. A

“Even though it hurts her soul afresh every time, Loweezy always sets out a plump stack of ones and quarters to distract Snuffy from the fact that she keeps meticulous records of his extralegal income, and apparently has been doing so for DECADES. When the revenooers finally descend en masse, well, Snuffy, let’s just say that Hootin’ Holler hath no fury like a woman scorned.” –Doctor Moreau

“I’ll save you the trouble: It’s that antique pocket watch he always has with him. Mr. Trail don’t approve of them newfangled electronic gizmos.” –Peanut Gallery

“Jeremy seems pretty polite for a Hollywood bad boy, with the ‘Mr. Trail’s and all. OTOH, he did say ‘me and Mr. Trail’ putting himself first where usage dictates he should be second. The tension! I can’t stand it!” –But What Do I Know?

“The sheriff is definitely bribing the doc in the last panel, right? I’m assuming ‘kickbacks’ is their code word for some kind of opiate that will keep Snuffy in a pacified haze, or if nothing else at least make him slightly less prone to biting.” –Brad

Remember: If you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for a mere three dollars a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter! If you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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As we in America celebrate our collective birthday, everyone across the world should celebrate this comment of the week!

“You have to admire how Funky Winkerbean sticks to its core mission: if someone asks an earnest question, often with the admission that they need help or advice, you can be godammed sure they’re going to get a snarky, smug answer that also isn’t funny at all.” –Chance

And your runners up! Very funny!

“Ha, Mr. Wilson is so silly! You only need to stand three feet away from the mirror! The other Mr. Wilson will also be standing three feet away from the mirror, so that’s six feet in total!” –Horace Broon

“In an artistic tour de force, Gary Brookins gives us the from-above perspective, allowing us to consider what it might feel like to poop on these annoying birds for a change.” –The Breathtaking Bonehead Brothers

“This strip makes way more sense once you assume that everyone involved in it — from the lions to the creators to the readers — suffered hypoxia at some point.” –pastordan

“‘So the animals escaped after the vagrants left the cage doors open?’ ‘What? Oh no, no. I unleashed the animals myself, for vengeance! Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to lead an elephant stampede down Skid Row.’” –Mr. A

“Let’s all face it, if Shoe came up with an actual contemporary reference it would confuse and disturb us as much as anyone else. Like, I was going to make a joke about Ariana Grande and Justin Bieber releasing ‘Stuck with U… in lockdown,’ and then I realized that ‘Stuck with U’ already is about lockdown, and now my arthritis is acting up. Let Shoe have its Rolling Stones joke! We don’t want to unlock the forces that will escape if we think about how out of touch we are!” –matt w

“So, should we discuss how this one-sided exhibition game demonstrates that unequal access to resources provides some schools with unfair advantages over others, perpetuating the systemic injustices which plague our country?’ ‘Nah, let’s have some pizza!’” –TheDiva

“Your father was thrown into the mysterious region known as the Foreground, which made him appear twice normal size.” –But What Do I Know?

“I expect a certain level of formality from comic strip narration boxes, and the phrase ‘Milford is lots better‘ does not meet my standards.” –Joe Blevins

“Today’s strip must have been an emotional rollercoaster for all the famous national sportscasters on TV out there. Is it me? they wonder. Am I the one who looks like Dagwood? Is he gonna say? Am I about to read my own name? Wait … what? Nothing? Dagwood, you little slut.” –made of wince

“I can read a book in the morning! I have so much free time and even more constipation!” –Ettorre

“The DAGWOOD is often disturbed at the park when he eats his lunch by the cries of flesh units: ‘Oh god! How is he unhinging his jaw’ or ‘Is that a human leg?’ or ‘My baby! He’s eating my baby!’ It has become … annoying.” –Dread

“Here we see two different approaches to dealing with unpleasant young people. Mary Worth: Gah! I don’t know what to do about this unpleasant young person! I’d better call someone for help! Dustin: Unpleasant young person? Meh. Eventually, I’ll be dead, or he will; either way, the problem solves itself.” –Guy Lumbago

“Perhaps Wilbur could help, he has experience raising a daughter. [everyone stares at Dawn] Or Mary, maybe we stick with Mary on this one.” –Dan

“I like how today’s strip manages to make a joke about the modern age without leaving the 1960s universe of Dennis the Menace by turning the Amazon speaker into some kind of CB radio. Breaker! Breaker! I’m failing as a parent, Alexa. Over!” –pugfuggly

“If you look closely at the ‘monitor’ in today’s Dennis the Menace, it appears to have an anguished face. That’s not Amazon’s Alexa; that’s the trapped soul of famed German actress Alexa von Porembsky, as seen in The Cossack and the Nightingale and The Three from the Filling Station. I can only assume her appearance in box office bomb Josef the Chaste damned her to eternal suffering as a digital assistant. Menacing!” –Voshkod

“Ha, Rex read an article about ‘negging’ in Maxim magazine, and he’s clearly terrible at it.” –BigTed

“Wow, Bill takes to making empty promises like a duck to water. It’s like he was born for Hollywood.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

Remember: If you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for a mere three dollars a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter! If you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!