Archive: metaposts

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Today’s top comment, coming right after the post of Friday’s comics, not Saturday’s comics at all why would you even think that:

“Toby is really going out of her way to remind us of Iris and Tommy’s last name. What plot are we setting up here? Long-lost father returns? Tommy was switched at birth? Or is Toby just high as hell and thinks ‘Tommy Beedie’ sounds funny? Definitely that last one, right?” –stepped pyramids

And the very hilarious runners up!

“Congratulations to Bitsy on getting second billing so he could sit around completely immobile for five panels in this literal shit show of a comic.” –nescio

“The crack in Hägar’s wall (or should I say, the crack in this whole Viking façade?) clearly shows the wooden lath of a lath and plaster wall, not the wattle of wattle and daub. And don’t get me started on the glazed window. This supposed longhouse was probably built in the 20th century, and not even with traditional techniques!” –Horace Broon

“The shining moment here, the moment that will make everything completely perfect, is that the wind will soon blow his giant pile of papers away.” –The Dimensional Otter

“The standards for motherhood have really fallen low in Mary Worth! From ‘never divorce and never have fun that is not child-appropriate‘ to ‘at least she’s not fully abandoned her recovering addict son.’” –Ettorre

“Oof, just look at Cherry’s expression on that last panel. She been waiting for years to hear the L word come out of Mark’s mouth, but not like this!” –pugufggly

“At last, the preparations were complete. The vital components of the engine had been carefully removed and placed into jars, the fluids had been drained from the reservoirs, and the exterior had been piously anointed with the sacred wax. Cosmo’s car was now prepared for its eternal entombment in its mausoleum at the auto graveyard. The only thing Irv had failed to account for, even as a quiet shadow approached him from behind while he finished his holy work, was that Cosmo’s car would require servants to accompany it to the afterlife.” –jroggs

“And so begins a year long arc where Blondie cyberbullies Dagwood.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“God I love how snarky Toby is. ‘I thought Iris’s son was just a drug addicted parasite on society! But he’s been keeping a minimum wage grocery store job without doing meth in the parking lot? Truly, love works MIRACLES.’” –Lionheart

“Speaking of things I wish were kept private, I could have done without ever seeing a sweaty moaning General Halftrack accompanied by the sound effect ‘GRIND.’” –Schroduck

“I too wish the general, who commands an entire base of heavily armed soldiers who are supposed to follow his orders and don’t seem like the kind who would think too hard about whether those orders contravene the Geneva Conventions, would not ‘bring his nightmares to work.’” –matt w

“I’m usually not one to kink-shame; whatever a man and sentient whale consensually partake in is their business. But doing it in full view of the general public crosses a line. The pelican may be okay with what’s happening, but that poor fish clearly did not sign up for an underside view of lathered human genitalia.” –Wilktoast

“Looking forward to watching the strip and/or the commentariat expand on what sorts of eldritch abominations are being held at bay by Camp Swampy’s ritualized antics, a secret General Halftrack must bear alone. Perhaps our continued existence demands that, as these creatures observe our world through their eyes which are not eyes, they see constant violence, both the state-sanctioned conflict of war and the individual brutality of Sarge and Beetle — only thus will they remain convinced that we will wipe ourselves out in a blink of those not-eyes — only thus will they remain sunk in the sloth of eons, instead of rousing themselves to the all-too-easy task of eradication. Halftrack maintains the terrible fiction with every act of every day, and yet in the pit of night he wonders: is it truly a fiction? His soul cries out: ‘Snirk! Yikes!’ Laffs all around!” –Skedastic

Today’s strip simultaneously informs us that Li’l Tater is bottle-fed, and explains why.” –Peanut Gallery

“Give us one more panel and I’m sure we’d see that Li’l Tater’s bottle has three X’s on it.” –jenna

“I can never really concentrate on anything the Gasoline Alley characters say to each other because it’s always just indecipherable, boring nonsense. So I end up concentrating on the visual details, like the guy in the orange shirt who doesn’t get any lines and who actually has to lift up his colleague’s word balloon to see what’s going on. Look at his facial expressions. That’s me reading any Gasoline Alley.” –Joe Blevins

“What with his bow-legs and size-13 shoes, this guy only thinks he’s trying out for a sandal commercial. In reality, he’s auditioning to be the motion-capture model for the Aflac duck.” –BigTed

“I’m more inclined to believe this guy’s on his way to audition for a Thinner Ankles in 30 Days promo. Which is a ripoff, because you can’t achieve results like his without a bone saw.” –made of wince

“Something about this stinks. I hate to be so archly callused about it — and I can’t nail exactly what it is, but I toe the line on this one. It’s not my jam.” –Old School Allie Cat

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Folks, extremely big news: Mark Trail has a new writer/artist, Jules Rivera, creator of the slice-of-life webcomic Love, Joolz, with new strips beginning October 12!

Will we be able to handle Mark with stubble, Rusty not being a hideous boy-thing, and Cherry with a job? We’re gonna find out, I guess! (Rivera also does action comics, so she knows how to draw a punch.) Also I have an inside scoop on a beloved former character coming back for the first plotline so stay tuned for that. Hopefully two more weeks of reruns will be long enough for us to find out if Andy survived and/or if Mark ever got that major award or not.

We’ll all be on tenterhooks for the next couple weeks, but until then, please enjoy your comment of this week that just happened!

“BROKE: Snake handling
WOKE: Snake trivia” –Ettorre

Plus your very funny runners up!

“Is that the normal Sunday strip look for Hi and Lois, or are the extra rosy cheeks meant to tell us that the entire family is mildly drunk? Is Thirsty having his influence on them?” –Remy

“Sure, having a COVID party is risky, but you know what else is risky? Being a couple of forty year olds who keep trying to pose as teenagers.” –Where’s Rocky?

“Chip thinks a Bob Dylan composition is folk music, a Led Zeppelin tune famously stolen from Willie Dixon is heavy metal, and the Eagles’ mellowest yacht rock is the blues. On the other hand, how much can we expect from a teenager who streams Gordon Lightfoot unironically?” –BigTed

“As much as I try to avoid clickbait church services like this, every so often I see the sign of my local parish advertising a sermon like, ‘The Top 15 Instant Karma Moments for Sinners Against Our Lord and Savior,’ and next thing I know I’ve been tricked into devoting my life to Jesus again.” –jroggs

“I don’t want to tell you how to do your job, Sam, but instead of lecturing potential victims about their behavior, you might want to actually do something to stop the apparent roving packs of wild dogs that prey on your town’s beloved pets.” –Dread

“Normally Mark Trail’s dialogue panels show off the majesty of nature or the bloodthirstiness of the hunt, so I’m glad today they’re slowing down and showing us just the dumbest squirrel about to eat a rock.” –Schroduck

“‘LOOK AT THE WILDLIFE YOU’VE CONSERVED’ screams Mark, dumping Andy’s mangled corpse in front of a shocked crowd, before storming off with his award.” –DevOpsDad

“A plugger’s romantic dinner is accepting waiter service because the Ol’ Country Buffet is closed by the local health department.” –Rusty

“The scene where Buck and Mindy apply for a PPP loan was deemed too intense for the readers of this strip.” –TheDiva

“Anyone telling Mark Trail ‘Don’t be stupid!‘ is setting himself up for a four hour lecture on wildlife trivia.” –nescio

“Every time Dick Tracy comes up on the blog I feel like I learn something new about its weird world. Today it’s magazines: would you rather read Valyu Financial, the publication for those worried about thrift and copyright infringements, or AUTO ZINE, the red-hot car monthly with centrefolds of fuckable roadsters?” –pugfuggly

“Tommy, tell me more about your mother’s hot, rich, and sexually potent boyfriend. If something happened to Iris, would Zak want to start dating again right away? And how is your drug habit these days? I’ve heard there are some really powerful new pills on the streets. Almost irresistible, they say.” –GeoGreg

“Most people who don’t really care about pets have realized that they have to soft peddle it. Shouting NO DOG IS WORTH THIS just gets their hackles up. You gotta soft play it, like suggesting that it would be kinder to go ahead and just put the stupid dog down if it’s so close to death. It’s a loving gesture to euthanize the inconvenience so you can climb the ladder to the heights of conservation writing, a genre that William Faulkner once heard of.” –ArtistFKAtoxic

“You mean we’re not videoconferencing? Then what am I voguing with my chest thrust out for?” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“‘I have some ideas about that.’ Two hour macroeconomics lecture ensues, involving multiple PowerPoint slides. Tommy’s date quietly slips away while he’s praising the Laffer curve.” –Voshkod

“‘See, if I don’t spend my entire paycheck, I can accumulate savings, which I can occasionally tap into so that I can spend more than I earned in a given week.’ Just kidding, his idea is to do a crime.” –A Concerned Reader

That was a different time for Tommy, he’s in a much better place now. He’s off the meth and high on blond hair dye.” –Dan

“I’ve seen enough movies and TV shows about undercover femme fatale assassins posing as housewives to read Thel’s body language here, and it’s saying she could flick that knife and plant it right between Jeffy’s eyes without even looking, if she wanted to, and boy does she want to! Alas, she has her orders: Keep the pumpkin heads safe until they ‘ripen’ and Control comes to collect them for Phase II.” –Effluvius Erratus

At the local college. This is how humans speak to one another, yes? There is a college locally, therefore that is where I will take a sales course of training?” –Glycyrrhiza Glabra

Remember: If you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for a mere three dollars a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter! If you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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Folks, thank-yous on the big fundraiser are on their way if you haven’t received them yet, apologies for the delay … but there will be no further delay on the comment of the week!

“‘Blood volume?’ Just say ‘blood.’ You collected over a third of Faith’s blood. Leave it at that. The fact that you cluttered up your sentence with an unnecessary ‘volume’ bothers me more than the vampirism, frankly.” –Joe Blevins

And the very funny runners up!

“I wish I owned a business that was going out of business so I could print this panel up to hang in the window to give the passersby a final hearty chuckle as they recognize a classic Winkerbean zinger.” –Phil Gonzales, on Facebook

In-person classes, dinner at restaurants … is Funky Winkerbean the only comic that’s not gonna recognize coronavirus? Finally it’s reasonable to have a chunk of your cast drop dead from a tragic disease, and Funky Winkerbean is like ‘you don’t tell us what to do, we kill characters on our time, in the manner of our choosing.’” –Dan

“I’m not sure why the Lockhorns have a square format photograph of Jake Tapper on their wall, but that they couldn’t be arsed to even vaguely level it is very on brand.” –Alan

“Ironically, they’re going to be replaced by an Apple store.” –Peanut Gallery

“Do you think vampires have strong feelings about using chloroform to trap victims, given it apparently contaminates their blood? I can absolutely see Whole Foods-type vampires insisting that they only drink the blood of organic free-range anesthetic-free humans.” –Schroduck

“I think that Preppie is just realizing that he is missing out on ways to monetize his looks. Wouldn’t luxury brands like Rolls Royce want to be associated with a gorgeous man like him by splashing a logo across his forehead? Just think of all the wealthy widows he beds!” –pugfuggly

Disney lawyers are going to end the scourge of Six Chix. Maybe media consolidation is not that bad.” –Ettorre

“Now I know what feelings are like, and I hate it! Never let me get this attached to Rusty!” –TheDiva

“The albatross was shipwrecked because he killed the human, and now he is forced to wear the human around his neck as punishment.” –A Concerned Reader

“Prof. Stokes should also consult with the Theater department about his comically bad under-lighting.” –pastordan

“That machine in Dick Tracy kind of made my day. Just a pair of blood drenched fangs hanging on plastic tubing, a Gothic Steampunk robot furiously pumping away. If this strip was in a contemporary universe, Dr. Quacks here could make a killing on YouTube with his unnecessary medical inventions.” –toxic

“Never look a Murder Money Horse in the mouth. I would have gladly sorted through a dripping sack full of fingers and blood-soaked dollar bills every semester if it meant staying out from under the thumb of Fannie Mae.” –Wilktoast

“Andy’s a great … animal? Animal, right? Moves, breaths, bleeds? Minerals don’t do that. But plants do move, breath carbon dioxide, and bleed sap. Andy’s a great plant? Doesn’t sound right. Animal. I’m pretty sure Andy’s an animal. What what kind? Furry, sharp teeth, makes noise. A bat? Andy’s a great bat!” –Voshkod

Remember: If you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for a mere three dollars a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter! If you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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