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What’s that, you say? Another in a continuing series of Josh’s beloved live comedy show, The Internet Read Aloud, is happening one short week from today? Yes, a thousand times yes!

Here’s the Facebook event! We’re gonna be talking about male Insta Inspo, game dev drama, how the Holocaust stacks up against popular tourist destinations, and more!

And now: your comment … of the week!

“Look, Chet, it’s quite simple: Chance is our misunderstood teen protagonist, and you’re an interfering busybody adult named ‘Chet’ of all things. You’re not going to win this one.” –TheDiva

Your runners up are also very funny!

“If you want to know how a zombie strip works, look at today Mary Worth. The comic is trying to borrow gravitas from John Lennon, who, despite being dead, is actually two years younger than the Mary Worth strip.” –Ettorre

“So a quick search on Twitter shows that no person or corporation related to Gasoline Alley used this hashtag on their own account on the day it ran. Way to put in less than the minimum effort.” –Glires

A hundred and one years next month? So the Armistice is signed, the Great War grinds to a halt — and then Gasoline Alley? No wonder the twentieth century was so screwed up.” –Schrödinger’s Droopy

Gasoline Alley has hashtags, ‘Dummies’ books, the Beverly Hillbillies, the Dumont network, and Three Blind Mice. Are they trying to reference every decade they’ve existed?” –Banana Jr. 6000

I see this Dennis the Menace as even more menacing: ‘I’ve painted a portrait of you, but a better you. A more rebellious you. Dare I say, a more attractive you. I gaze at it in secret — heretofore I haven’t let anyone else see it, especially not my mother, who would destroy it. But I’m letting you see it. Because I want you to take a long hard think about who you could be. [Dennis dramatically rolls the painted shade back up] Now get the fuck out of my room.’” –Ben Ferber

“Pretty sure the sign says ‘Halloween Canceled.’ Any kind of revelry would be dangerously exciting for the people of Santa Royale.” –Alex Parker-Spencer-Driver

“Les angrily responding, ‘hero and artist.’” –Dan

Is that Wilbur? The man who lives next door to me and shares the same group of friends as me? Yikes, what a surprise running into him of all people!” –jroggs

“One thing I have to respect about these two characters: they look about as bored about being in this strip as I am reading it.” –pugfuggly

“As it is everywhere, the correctional facility is solid, regardless of how shabby and deteriorated the surrounding environment: strong steel framing held in place with solid, well-spaced bolts, etc. Could use about twice as many bars, to keep inmates from walking out, but that’s a design problem, not a materials problem.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“I don’t want Chet Ballard sexytimes in Gil Thorp, but the narration box for a sports strip should at least try for some awful baseball-themed wordplay. ‘Having struck out with his wife… Chet Ballard pinch-hits with an ally on the school board!’ ‘Having struck out with his wife… Chet Ballard argues about the strike zone with an ally on the school board, who ejects him in humiliating fashion!’ Work with me, narration box!” –matt w

My advice to you is M.Y.O.B. Mind Your Own Bottle. Because this one is mine, and I need it to get through meetings with idiots like you and Thorp. Ah, sweet booze, carry me away from Milford.” –Voshkod

“How long do you think Wilbur has spent longingly gazing at that shampoo display?” –Schroduck

“When were you planning to go? I want to make sure Zak reserves the entire restaurant for that day, so you’ll be turned away when you arrive and be very embarrassed in front of your girlfriend! I may also have him hire some little kid to come up and knee you in the groin; I haven’t decided yet.” –JJ48

“With Mopey Pete writing the script, Darin drawing the storyboards, Jessica shooting the movie with a hand-held VHS camera, Mason Jarre hamming it up as Les, Marianne ‘I should have jumped off the Hollywood sign’ Winters as Lisa, and Les himself as the guiding spirit behind the production, this cancer movie should be titled Terms of Endullment.” –seismic-2

Mary Worth proves that it truly deserves its place on the morning funny papers the only way it can: by reminding its geriatric readers to get their flu shots this year.” –pastordan

Lisa’s story needs to be told the right way … in Esperanto, the universal language. I will absolutely not budge on this issue. ?u ni havas interkonsenton?” –Joe Blevins

A double date? I have to check with Zak … We might be scheduled for sex at that time! We usually are!” –Thelonious_Nick

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Who are the funniest non-Josh posters on this site this week? All of you! But some of you in particular caught my eye. Here’s your COTW!

“Could it be that Charlie and Chance (similar names, unclear parentage, possibly the same age) are brothers? That would explain a lot, including why they’re the only two players this strip seems to care about right now. What it wouldn’t explain is why Charlie’s stepdad is willing to let him rake leaves in shorts, a sure path to Lyme disease.” –BigTed

And here are your hilarious runners up!

“I never really thought of this before, but despite his sometimes atavistic politics Dick Tracy is very strongly identified with northern cities, which puts him squarely in the demographic that doesn’t know or care about the difference between Georgia and Alabama. Ignoring evidence also seems on brand, as is getting het up about a rare disease that primarily afflicts blue-eyed white people.” –matt w

“You mean Dick Tracy could solicit tips from the reader all along? This changes everything. ‘Look out, Dick! Gotta Hatchet is hiding behind the door!’” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“It’s an odd feeling to learn that one of your favorite cranky old man observations about modern life is being voiced by Lois.” –Randy

“While filling up a few months ago I learned from the gas pump that Tinder now has an easy-to-check box for multiple gender identities, so don’t tell me that you can’t learn useful stuff from your gas pump, Lois. Also, unsolicited streaming gas pump information gives Hi the perfect cover when he answers Lois’s ‘What’s Tinder?’ question by accident.” –Mikey

“This must be some production of Our Town if it attracted both the Iron Sheik and Eugene Levy to the theater.” –Joe Blevins

“Never mind Zak, who was never going to last, or Estelle, whose taste in men is too abominable for me to really care about her. If Iris ends up back with Wilbur for any reason whatsoever, I’m going to slit my wrists. She ESCAPED, goddamit! The hopes of middle-aged single women finally not having to fret over their kids anymore EVERYWHERE will be dashed if her best shot at enduring happiness turns out to look, sound, eat, and no doubt snore anything like Wilbur.” –Sally

“Ahhh, characters discussing spending large amounts of money on ill-conceived business ventures? Now that’s the Judge Parker I know.” –Noel

“Ah, Montoni’s, home to Montoni’s famous extra-chunky beer! It’ll stick to the sides of your glass, or form an unsettling mound in the middle. Ask for Ichorous IPA, Lumpy Lager, or Stewy Stout. Montoni’s — where it’s gonna come up in chunks, so it might as well go down in chunks.” –Voshkod

“Hi forgot to kiss Lois and Trixie. But he deliberately shunned Dot, Ditto and Chip. Because Hi is a cold-hearted bastard.” –Ringo Beaumont III

“Ouch. I’d sure hate to be television right now.” –jroggs

“Oh man you can already tell from Mason’s grin that he has lot of stupid ideas lined up for this production, like shooting it in Westview and using locals as the supporting cast. Maybe the high school band will be hired to do the score! Yeah, this is gonna be awful.” –pugufggly

“I don’t think the comics world is ready for the anti-comedy of Six Chix. I mean, everyone else is like 40 years past it, but in the comics bubble where Baby Boomers are still having kids, Mitch Hedberg is as scary and futuristic as a horseless carriage would be to Charlemange.” –toxic

“I love how even Bull’s death storyline has ended up focusing on the Book of Saint Lisa. Nothing actually said about CTE, or the impact on Bull’s wife, just some unfunny jokes about Bull doing laundry early on. Bull’s funeral is literally just an excuse to get Mason in town to start making a movie about Lisa. Her cancer has continued to grow after her death, eating every single storyline in the comic to become a meta-cancer on the comic itself.” –Keylime314

“Well, this plugger is from California, so maybe the bar for pluggerdom is much lower: ‘You’re a plugger if you refer to dollars as bucks and not as dead labour.’” –Ettorre

What if he was your son, George? What if he carried your DNA? What if you had been shtupping Alice all those years and eventually impregnated her, causing this? What if you had invited me to take part in a threesome with her, now and then? Would that have been too much to ask? What if, George? WHAT IF?????” –Maude R. Fawker

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It’s time for this week’s funniest comment … of the week!

“I would not give up on him too quickly. His last two girlfriends wound up with much younger, hotter men. I’m not sure you’re at that point yet.” –cheech wizard

The runners up? Also very funny!

“Snuffy sorted the leaves by color, probably while on a meth jag.” –Uncle Lumpy

“Marie, it would be so great to have you back. Maybe Sophie would open up and emotionally connect with you. And it would open up a world of dramatic possibilities for this comic strip if the gangster cartel that you are hiding from murdered you on the front porch of my B&B! Welcome back.” –greenantler

“Wouldn’t wearing a helmet be counterproductive if trying to die in a car crash? Bull always was the stupid one.” –Rusty

“I like how the last two panels seem to have a spotlight shining down, as if to assure us that yes, there are some vaudeville-era puns being dropped, even if we can’t hear them.” –pugfuggly

“You’re dating Wilbur… and you’re thinking of dumping him because his Netflix tastes do not perfectly fit with yours?! How can you be too and not enough picky at the same time?!” –Ettorre

“Just to recap, Estelle’s last boyfriend was a grotesque con artist who lied about who he was, fleeced her for thousands of dollars, and verbally abused her. The fact that she considers Wilbur a better choice — but only slightly — is pretty sad, man.” –BigTed

“Maybe some fans of this strip didn’t get that it’s really Bull who died. There are a lot of conspiracy theories floating around out there. But now you have it from an authoritative source: the paper of record that didn’t bother to look up the deceased’s real name and publishes death notices in Comic Sans.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“They forgot the indicator but today’s Funky Winkerbean is actually part of the flashback series from last week, giving us a rare glimpse at one of Westview’s famous daily funeral rehearsals.” –Cheddar Monkey

“First the Mutts came for the humans and I said nothing because they were so cute and had a good point.” –RexDartEskimoPi, on Twitter

“Meanwhile, The Phantom’s Asterisk Box, isn’t it time you came up with a real name for the language spoken by the Bandar? Here‘s a Wikipedia article on Afroasiatic languages. Go wild.” –matt w

“I sure would hate to see the Pavlovian experiment necessary to forge the psychological link between praise and suddenly needing to pee.” –Lionheart

“The only remotely interesting part of this Rex Morgan plotline so far is today’s reveal that Mindy has quite a wide variety of interests when it comes to the plotlines of the softcore pornography she’s streaming.” –Brad

“Howard Johnson had 28 flavors in the thirties. Pluggers live in a house of lies.” –gleeb

“Anyway, that‘s gonna be the opening of Bull’s Story. Isn’t it brilliant? God, I’m good.” –Rosstifer

“Man, I don’t get why everyone says not to speak ill of the dead. It’s so much better than speaking ill of the living, who might retaliate!” –JJ48

Bittersweet Nugget is the flavor of your final memories of your dead wife, sir, now in ice cream form! We also have Fumbling Romance, which is the flavor of your initial overtures toward her, Uncomfortable Silence, for that time when you admitted you thought her sister was prettier, Rocky Regrets, for when you nearly got divorced but stayed together for the kids, and Plain Vanilla, for the rest of your life.” –Voshkod

“All hail the rhino, saving us from another day of Dr. Camel talking about how boring other people’s lives are! We can only hope rhinos continue to keep a watchful eye on the strip, destroying something any time we get too bogged down in standard dull-as-dishwater dialogue.” –Conynaut

“Oh, Mary, you hopeless romantic. Everyone should be so lucky to meet that special someone that they can look in the eye year after year and truthfully say those magic words, ‘Overall I enjoy your company.’” –jroggs

“What’s the intended joke even supposed to be here? ‘Ha ha wimmen am I right — always carefully considering a purchase that could run $100 or more!’” –Alex Parker-Spencer-Driver

“Estelle and Mary enjoy an invigorating walk down by the Charterstone mosquito hatchery.” –Ukulele Ike

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. And we need to give a big shout-out to our advertisers:

  • PicturePunches: Join our community of funny memers who like to earn from their sense of humor.

If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

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