Archive: metaposts

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Many people across the United States are in the grips of frigid wintry weather, and we here in southern California are no exception: did you know yesterday it dipped into the mid-50s, and rained, for several hours? Shocking! I’m staying bundled up warm inside, but that hasn’t stopped me from selecting this week’s COTW:

“I love the level of disinterest in Peter’s work that MJ reveals in her thoughts: ‘It’s been too long since Peter went inside to prevent that robbery — or whatever it was. What am I? A criminologist? I haven’t won a Tony yet. There’s your real crime!'” –Lorne

And the very funny runners up!

Now I must find that which I seek/ Pepcid, at the Walgreens down the street.” –old goat

“One can also enjoy this Slylock by imagining that Smitty has forced Max to dig his own grave.” –Rusty

“If a brief tussle with Spider-Man requires Ronan the Accuser to eat everything off the counter to replenish his strength, I honestly don’t see how hard it could be to beat this guy. Just trap him someplace without any edibles, like a Hardees.” –Naked Bunny with a Whip

“Much as I love exposing the dark underbelly of the Glorious Animal Regime, I don’t think this is necessarily a slave labor arrangement. After all, it’s well documented that sheep need to be sheered regularly lest their wool overwhelm them, and the high ovine populations in Australia and New Zealand must have made overthrowing the human masters easy. Perhaps Australia is an agrarian collective where the members regularly shear themselves in a bizarre ritual that hearkens back to the dark days of their oppression, then ships the product throughout the world? No, somehow that’s even more disturbing.” –TheDiva

Teens having fun? This cannot end well.” –Gil Thorp(e)d

“God made humans capable of the squint-eyed ‘What the fuck are you talking about/what’s wrong with you?’ look specifically knowing that someday, some blowhard was going to let rip with ‘The internet is rife with stunted individuals trying to appear bigger by standing on celebrities.’” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“Poor Mary: in spite of her decent computer literacy for a woman of her age, she still hasn’t figured out how to scroll down.” –pugfuggly

“Surely this is a case of an analogous event to what has just befallen Iris, as she too has left Wilbur after a difference of opinion about the value of travelling around the world compared to caring for your young adult child, and she’s also had a new opportunity land in her ‘inbox,’ if you know what I mean. (If you’re naïve enough to not know what I mean, the opportunity is Zak’s dick.)” –Ekudamram

“That’s right Sam, God listens to prayer, even in a police interrogation room. And you just happen to have Him in the one right next door! Tell Dick to grab the brass knuckles and a coffee … this might take a while.” –Brad

“Foolish Mark! That is not Abbey, for no human being can spit water, cough, and speak at the same time. Azaloth the Soul Eater is pulling back its ‘head’ to reveal its true form!” –Zooty

“I think we now have definitive proof that Mark Trail’s hair is some sort of alien parasite that has colonized his head. Consider: in the first panel, it’s visibly mussed and disarrayed, probably from shock. In the second panel, it’s starting to return to its natural form. By the third panel, every last lock is back where it should be. That’s not natural. This also explains why government biologists are following Mark around. They actually work in the FBI’s X-file office.” –Dmsilev

“I don’t read Gasoline Alley, so looking at panel one, I assumed we were about to see a brutal baby boomer dictator finally overthrown by the repressed millennial masses chanting slurs at him.” –Drew FUnk

“Wouldn’t it be ironic if Marvin’s dad drinks so much coffee because he has trouble pooping? It’s the circle of life, assuming that circle is made of porcelain.” –BigTed

“If your kid dies, can I have a photograph? I’m really into carrying around photos that make me sad. It doesn’t have to be one from when she was alive; it could be a nice coffin shot.” –made of wince

“There’s so many depressing places this could go. Will the suicide shut down filming on the Starbucks Jones movie, crushing the dream of comic book fans? Will this kick off a string of murder/suicides starting with a guilt-ridden Mason and Cindy? Will Cliff be reinvestigated as a Soviet agent suspected of giving mood altering drugs to a costar in a complex plan to overthrow the U.S. government?” –Keylime314

“Photoshop in a dapper red fox, and today’s Six Chix might make sense. Slylock Fox has been called to the North Pole by worried snowpeople. They think Gerry Gingerbread is melting his fiancée Sunita Snow. However, Gerry blames global warming, and says his relationship is not toxic. How does Slylock prove that Gerry is trying to melt Sunita for her inheritance? ANSWER: Gingerbread cools down very quickly, especially when left in the snow. If Gerry is still warm, he must be heating himself up. Gerry’s crunchy skin and lack of chewy centre confirm that he keeps returning to the oven.” –Schroduck

“Look at Barfy and Dolly’s faces: they’re disgusted. The only one into this travesty of interspecies romance is the cat. Why they’re going along with it I don’t know but I’m sure their reasons are dark, terrible, and full of puns.” –EscapeZeppelin

And I also must give thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar or backed me on Patreon! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

  • Bluebeards Original is proud to join The Comics Curmudgeon as an advertiser! Company owner Paul Kaniewski is a longtime follower of this site, to the point that it inspired him to created the famed Aldo Kelrast MySpace profile. Bluebeards has been making top-rated beard care products for ten years now, so any bearded folks or those that love them, please check out the site and try their stuff.
  • And if you haven’t bought my novel yet, you should! You can get it in hardback, paperback, or ebook forms. It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy.

If you would like to buy advertising on the Comics Curmudgeon, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to the site’s BuySellAds page or just click here.

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It’s Friday, and you know what that means! Wait, you don’t? Oh, well, it means I pick my favorite comment from out of the hundreds posted by readers of the course of the week, and I showcase it here!

“I don’t have to outrun the lava, Abbey, I just have to outrun you. Or am I thinking of bears? I’m often thinking of bears.” –Voshkod

I also showcase some runners up, as well!

This whole situation seems predicated on the idea that Slylock lives in a tiny house with virtually nothing in it but a bed and a TV with DVD player. I mean, it’s still pretty good compared to your average fox den, but I would have expected more from the top animal private eye this side of, um, Ace Ventura? Is that a thing people remember?” –BigTed

That’s an amazing story, Cliff. Too bad we didn’t bring any mics to record the audio. Man, I am fucking this up but good!” –pugfuggly

“Next time you’re impressed to see Leroy dancing the cha-cha with some curvy, toothy girl half his age at a party, be ten times moreso: Remember that (shudder) this is what she is looking at.” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

I hope that’s a joke. I really do. We don’t have the budget for a 3rd panel, and quite frankly, I don’t have the stamina.” –hogenmogen

‘Mark, is this it? Is it over?’ Abbey asked pleadingly. ‘It’s over when I say its over,’ artist James Allen sneered before sketching several more panels filled with fire and explosions. Several more panels of flames, just long enough to make it through all this awful holiday cheer.” –Chareth Cutestory

“As a person who once tried to make a living as a freelance magazine writer, I can attest to the complete believability of the current Mark Trail storyline.” –jvwalt

“Oh my, look at Jeffy in comparison to that chair! He is as tall as that picture on the wall. He may not remember the day that will live in infamy, buy Jeffy no doubt was exposed to 1950s radioactive fallout. He is growing in size and will soon bestride the earth like a colossus. Oh, the horror!” –Joe Momma

“Daddy, the man said Pearl Harbor was bombed. Is that like when you come home from bowling?” –Hibbleton

“I have never seen someone stare at a screen so defiantly before. ‘They hope I don’t watch TV, do they? I’LL SHOW THEM!’&rdaquo; –Dragon of Lie

“I am deeply, deeply disappointed that ‘This calls for a selfie!’ wasn’t Selfy’s catchphrase, used whenever he entered a room and at every conceivable opportunity afterwards.” –TheDiva

Age is just a number, and let’s be honest: since our makeovers, who knows how old we are anyway. Six months ago I was 60-something and hallucinating faces in clouds, now my number starts with a 4 and I’m tipping the bagboy at the Savemart with glimpses of my hot new body.” –Litle Blue Bicycle

“Whoa there. Mary shouldn’t be picking at the Wilbur wound until Mary gets the Zak facts. Little brother is hot and daddy-o Wilbur is not. (That’s what hip hop sounds like at Charterstone.)” –Gabacho

“‘So it really is a lifesaver,’ she said, staring directly at Santa’s ass and wondering what other mysteries it might contain.” –Joe Blevins

“I would have gone with ‘Seasonal Affective Disorder’. I also would have taped markers to a wombat’s feet to do the illustration.” –Kevin on Earth

“Fortunately, someone called an ambulance with their cellphone. Unfortunately, the paramedics were too busy watching YouTube on their cellphones to really do much. They did text the hospital to be ready, but the lady at reception was tweeting about the NES Classic Edition, so your daughter waited in the ambulance for 20 minutes upon arrival. Whoops, that’s my wife texting my cellphone. Hopefully she didn’t see those videos I left on her cellphone.” –Super Luigi 64

And I also must give thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar or backed me on Patreon! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

  • Two Party Opera: A daily comic that features the Presidents of the United States as they live on the stage of history with the day-to-day news of political mudslinging.
  • Bluebeards Original is proud to join The Comics Curmudgeon as an advertiser! Company owner Paul Kaniewski is a longtime follower of this site, to the point that it inspired him to created the famed Aldo Kelrast MySpace profile. Bluebeards has been making top-rated beard care products for ten years now, so any bearded folks or those that love them, please check out the site and try their stuff.
  • And if you haven’t bought my novel yet, you should! You can get it in hardback, paperback, or ebook forms. It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy.

If you would like to buy advertising on the Comics Curmudgeon, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to the site’s BuySellAds page or just click here.

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Hello, all! It’s the first Friday of the month, and you know what that means: it means it’s time for me to plug this month’s Internet Read Aloud, in Los Angeles, which is tonight at 8 pm!

We have lots of funny performers, plus I’ll be talking about the time I first ventured onto the Internet to find love! Don’t miss it! The Clubhouse is at 1607 N. Vermont Ave in Los Feliz, just to the right of the Jons under the sign that says “That’s Shoe Business!” There’s free parking (the Los Angeles holy grail!) and it’s just a couple blocks away from the Vermont and Sunset Red Line station. It’s free! And you can BYOB! There’s literally no reason for you not to come.

Also, you know how I skipped the COTW last week, because of Thanksgiving? Well, I forgot that I had actually been collecting comments during the first part of the week, so those are in this list as well. Apologies to everyone who posted something delightfully funny between Thursday and Sunday. Nevertheless, here’s the week-and-change’s top comment!

“I hope we can have some weeks of Tommy wallowing in self-pity! At 25 he is an ex-con, unemployed and a drug-addict, instead of doing cool things like attending college or dating his mom.” –Ettore

And the very funny runners up!

“Right turkey is pretty proud of his viscerally graphic zinger. ‘Sure our organs are going to be pulled out, put in a little plastic bag, and shoved back into our bodies, but…’ (kisses wing feathers) ‘Le mot juste.’” –Dan

“He left the door unlatched and sat in a chair touching the television (the animals would never know that this was not how humans watched tv), holding his stolen property right on his lap, under the interrogation lamp he’d spent the last of his money to have an electrician install. C’mon, coppers, he thought. Make me talk. You’ll see that I’m the baddest punk you ever met. His one hope was that the newspapers got his name, Sick Smitty, right.” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of two million other women

“Nice little bit of fanservice in that middle panel. For those that like the female form: MJ putting on a bra. For those that don’t, a stately portrait of Paul Krugman.” –pugfuggly

“It’s gotta be tough when your the lesser brother in a family of entertainers, but at least Shemp Hemsworth is finding work. Perhaps this run on Mary Worth will set him up as the ‘dramatic’ brother and he will find more. It will be small stuff on other quirky indie projects, but he’s gotta bide his time until Marvel realizes the utility of writing in a part for Thor’s younger, more dramatic brother.” –Mighty Captain E

As you know, but as the vast majority of the audience has little hope of knowing…” –Majicou

‘Fooom’ clearly stands for ‘fucking boom’ but Mark Trail is a family strip, thank you very much.” –Ruth McIlhenny Gormé, on Facebook

You know I can’t look at him! He’s just too … beautiful, radiant. He’s like a toasted sandwich angel fallen to Earth. That’s why I’ve created this stalker wall all about him. Oh, Panini, you will be my sandwich some day.” –Voshkod

“Look, Mrs. Lockhorn, we all signed a blank piece of paper with a pencil. We won’t even cover for your husband’s concave head.” –Zooty

I used to cruise Main Street with all my friends. And by ‘all’ I mean ‘both.’ And by ‘friends’ I mean ‘some guy with a buzzcut and the only kid I knew who was geekier than me.’ And by ‘cruise Main Street’ I mean ‘sit behind what is clearly a cardboard cut-out of a car and pretend we were cruising Main Street.’ Those were the days!” –Horace Broon

Good. I’m thinking of retooling The Chambers Affair as a vampire romance. Those still popular?” –Kevin on Earth

“The way the models and drawing style are shifting, Rex Morgan, M.D., is on its way to becoming Rex Morgan, Vampire Impersonator.” –Steve S

“Despite expectations Michael isn’t touching that cupcake. He realizes this is a preview of his life for the next few years: everyone else stands far apart bickering with each other while he’s left to his own devices. ‘The apocalypse and the coming reign of my true father, Satan, as foretold by the Book of Revelations can’t come soon enough,’ he thinks. Then, in frustration, he throws the cupcake on the floor.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“I wonder if the social media monitor has any other functions, like making ‘Are You A Tracy or a Ketchum? Take This Quiz to Find Out!’ posts on Facebook.” –The Diva

“Henry is upset because once he gets glasses he’ll face his poor choice of drab olive shirt tucked into blue patterned pants” –Philip Moon, on Twitter

“Oh, hey! I guess so! Ha ha, coincidence, eh? Anyway, where is Tommy now if, say, one were an old friend looking for him for entirely non-drug-related reasons?” –James Dowd, on Facebook

“At first I misread panel two as ‘but the poo kinda soiled it.’ My deepest apologies to the authors for trying to punch up your dialogue.” –Chareth Cutestory

“Of course I went to Leningrad in summer. No one goes there in winter. Are you an idiot, McCarthy?” –hogenmogen

“The second panel shows Shoe in his true demonic form in the pink nothingness of Hell. He has no legs and floats around on a purple snow saucer. In the third panel the woman is not impressed.” –nescio

“‘Cliff Anger’” was a kid who loved the Starbuck Jones serials, went insane, and now believes he’s the original Cliff Anger. Everyone falls for his delusion because they can’t bother to do any research. (‘Mr. Anger, Google says you were born in 1916 and died in 1959. How do you explain that?’ ‘Young lady, the hero only seems to die in these cliffhangers! My survival is more fantastic than mere science fiction!’ Cindy Summers would buy that.)” –Droopy Says

Jeff’s dickishness is matched only by his wife’s feigned ignorance, as she clearly does not want to look for work. ‘Oh, okay, I guess I could get a job … if you think it would help our financial situation. I mean, do you think that’s what our financial situation really needs right now? More money? Okay, I just want to make sure we’re on the same page here.'” –BigTed

“As disgusting as it seems, I think Jeff actually takes pride in the messiness of his underwear drawer. It’s as close as he’s come to creating a work of art. That underwear drawer is his Guernica.” –Joe Blevins

And I also must give thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar or backed me on Patreon! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

  • Two Party Opera: A daily comic that features the Presidents of the United States as they live on the stage of history with the day-to-day news of political mudslinging.
  • Bluebeards Original is proud to join The Comics Curmudgeon as an advertiser! Company owner Paul Kaniewski is a longtime follower of this site, to the point that it inspired him to created the famed Aldo Kelrast MySpace profile. Bluebeards has been making top-rated beard care products for ten years now, so any bearded folks or those that love them, please check out the site and try their stuff.
  • And if you haven’t bought my novel yet, you should! You can get it in hardback, paperback, or ebook forms. It’s called The Enthusiast, and it’s about trains, comics, stealth marketing, capitalism, and joy.

If you would like to buy advertising on the Comics Curmudgeon, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to the site’s BuySellAds page or just click here.

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Comments are closed.