“I assume this is the same hardware store where Hi buys his hair fixatives.” –Joe Blevins

“God uses Excel to handle reams of complex data? That tracks. Strong Boomer energy. But what I want to know is what version of Excel he’s using. Are macros enabled? (Of course they are. Boomer energy.) With the right information, we can commit specific sins to serve as a data injection attack, wiping out God’s ledger and redeeming all our past transgressions.” –Nevin, on Patreon

“If you’re going to have an existential crisis, I suppose it’s better to do it while spending the day riding horses at your gorgeous family ranch, and not, say, while waiting tables, or digging ditches, or coding backgrounds for an addictive phone game while counting the hours until AI takes your job. Oh, wait, they had to bring the horses from the next ranch over? Never mind, their lives suck too!” –BigTed

“With no prior knowledge of this strip, I can only assume it takes place in some dystopian future where the entire concept of fictional entertainment is an obscure novelty, and where any form of verbal dissent is harshly punished. Hearing his friend use the word ‘unneat’ is enough to make Skip perspire in terror.” –Guts Dozier

“What Wilbur and Dawn don’t know is that Mary has been feeding them small doses of poison in her muffins and beige squares for years, in order to build up their immunity. It was to prevent them from committing suicide caused by her meddling (which is why she had to flee to Santa Royale to begin with). This is, of course, something she learned from watching The Princess Bride, another classic film neither Wilbur nor Dawn have ever watched.” –Philip

“This a nice change of pace from ‘Andy is a alcoholic’ to ‘Andy is clinically depressed.’” –Ettorre

“We did it! We caught the ball, even in the face of increasing Dutch angles!” –pugfuggly

“I like the guy with the black hair in the white button-down shirt. Everyone else is celebrating but he’s just mildly pleased, as if he’s the only one who remembers that this is just the end of another mediocre Milford soccer season and there’s no point getting all worked up about it.” –TheDiva

“How long do you think the writer spent reading Wikipedia articles about fish genitalia with increasing horror before settling on ‘suck fin?’” –Schroduck

“I actually did not know there was another Avatar movie coming out this year and I can’t imagine a worse way I could have learnt about it than this.” –Veronica

“Dennis takes his hand off the switchblade in his back pocket. This middle-aged fool just gave him the perfect opening for some finely crafted verbal menacing. ‘A bachelor,’ he exclaims. Checkmate.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“The Sideburns of Near-Fame have been passed to an heir! All hail the new King of shaggy mediocrity!” –Wilktoast

“The Mormon missionaries at the door don’t know what’s coming. I hope they’re prayed up and ready to confront the demoness inside.” –Daisy

“MELP MELP cries Sweetie. MUSTACHE HELP, GET MUSTACHE HELP. Sadly, like most therapy dogs, her advice will go unheeded.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“I love the way Belle is staring right at that onomatopoeia box so it makes it look like she’s cursing directly at it. ‘MELP MELP’ is better, but the artwork gives ‘DING DONG’ the edge in today’s onomatopoeia wars.” –Astroboy

“Mrs Wilson’s smiling face makes the gag work. ‘Enjoy hell, George.’” –Hibbleton

“That hot dog is clearly too big to be anything but an actual dog. I’m guessing dachshund, primarily for the ‘weenie dog’ jokes, although based on the size and shape, Scottish terrier is also a possibility.” –Veronica!

“It’s morally wrong, if not always technically illegal, to taunt someone on a hunger strike with delicious food. On the other hand, if anyone knows about the ins and outs of force-feeding, it’s a duck. ‘Looks like this time you’re the pâté, eh, human?!’ says Officer McQuacky as he ominously pushes the giant tube of grains and fat toward Weirdly’s mouth.” –BigTed

“Sorry, we’re supposed to believe a lot of things about Wilbur, but the first panel just breaks my suspension of disbelief. There is no way Wilbur owns that many books, let alone has read that many in his lifetime.” –Philip

“Dagwood must be on fire! He’s paying the bills for every family on our block! He’s really in the zone right now!” –Just John

“Lady Luck has seen the striped horrors on Dagwood’s feet and decided that, yes, daddy does need a new pair of shoes.” –Guts Dozier

“Lmao that Lois went to the library in her realtor blazer and everything to trawl for leads. ‘ABC. Always Be [hanging out in the middle of the workday around the library’s] Computer.’” –Schroduck

“Green-shirt companion is clearly talking — mouth open eyebrows raised — yet has no word balloon. There must have been a line cut for space. Perhaps, ‘Who even are you? Have you been stalking us online?’” –Stuart F

“What really sells this as menacing is the way that Dennis clambers up the back of the chair like a spider monkey to deliver that line right into Mr Wilson’s ear. Do you think he’s whispering it in a sing-song voice? I’ll bet he is.” –pugfuggly

“Okay Wizard of Id, I know you beat Hagar the Horrible to the whole faux-medieval shtick by a decade, but they have the whole battlefield joke beat on lockdown. Your thing is jokes about kings and other powerful figures, and the prisoners they keep locked up, secure in their castles on the core European continent, while they handle the ragtag armies of Scandinavian barbarians come to take your characters’ wealth. Know your strengths and stick to your turf. I helped fend off those 20th century insurgents, the least you could do is return the favor for me.” –Morgan Wick

“Let’s see: mouth mirror, dentist chair, smock (actually a lab coat, close enough), and gaping yaw. You’ve hit all the iconography; I really don’t see the need to have the word ‘dentist’ spelled backward on the window.” –Weaselboy

“The existence of a yellow coat and a green coat imply an equally-sized blue coat, now missing. Get a warrant while you’re out, Lee: someone’s broken the law — the Law of Color.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“The Blondie writers seem like the kind of folks who would pull out some 2012 meme like Overly Attached Girlfriend and smile smugly about how they’re with it. As opposed to me, pulling out Overly Attached Girlfriend and smiling smugly about how I’m ironically dated. They annoy me!” –matt w

“So is Dagwood’s carpool just waiting outside his house thinking he’s going to come running out late as usual and he’s plum forgotten, or have they had enough of his BS and now he has to take the school bus to work?” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Mary Worth reworked as a moody A24-style horror, where the murderous house guest is a metaphor for Wilbur’s (waves hand dismissively in Wilbur’s direction) whole deal, and they can’t get rid of her but also nobody ever quite dies, everyone just lives in terror of the next awful event.” –Dan

“I love how fast the sheriff drops his phony hick act when it comes to money. Oh, he’ll say ‘shore’ and ‘ain’t’ and ‘fer yore’ along with the other townsfolk, but at the realization of just how steadily he’s literally nickel-and-diming the impoverished locals by bending the law to let let crooks go free and innocent people linger in the ancient one-room jail, he gets all excited and the phrase ‘negative effect on our supplemental income stream’ comes rattling out of his mouth faster than you can say ‘civil forfeiture.’” –Chance

“Love how the marriage counselor has given up on taking notes. He just sits back in his chair, letting the dysfunction wash over him, knowing that although he has found the most toxic relationship in existence, no one would believe him and they’re beyond help anyway. He’s as trapped as they are.” –Tristan Olson, on BlueSky

“Pretty sure Leroy is musing about dying himself. He’d never be under the delusion that Loretta dying would solve all his problems — he knows he’d still be a Jets fan.” –matt w

“The joke here is that Leroy and Loretta saw the shrink’s name was ‘Dr. Pillman’ and assumed this was an easy way to score some painkillers.” –Where’s Rocky?

“When Chip woke up that morning, he could tell something was different: the angle of the sun, the heaviness of the air, that smell in the breeze. Was it … popcorn? He stumbled out of bed and into the living room as if in a daze. ‘It’s here,’ he said aloud. ‘It’s summer-blockbuster season.’” –pugfuggly

“Wait until Lukey and Snuffy find out it’s not legal advocacy that Barney’s been up to, but the most dangerous art: human taxidermy.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“Snuffy is short-sighted, as usual! While a lawyer could help him escape punishment now, it will end up strengthening the rule of law and trust in authorities, making people less interested in engaging in the informal economy. Soon, he will have to get a job, pay taxes and become a cog of the modern state!” –Ettorre

“It’s summer blockbuster season, and I, a teenage boy in 2025, want you, my parents, to take me to the local cineplex so that we can all enjoy some big budget franchise films in the theater on the big screen, the way God intended. Hurry, Mom and Dad! With luck, we can still catch Mission: Impossible — The Final Reckoning and Thunderbolts before they become available for streaming in a few weeks.” –Joe Blevins

“‘Wisterias?’ the salesgirl says in a surprised tone when the old man doesn’t flash her.” –Hibbleton

“Every day June shaves a bit more off her head, just to see how long it takes Rex to notice. She’s down to ’80s old school hip hop star’, and so far no dice. But to be honest, she could go cueball bald and Rex still wouldn’t realise. Chris Rock could tell June she looks like GI Jane 2 and all Rex would say is ‘I enjoyed the first film. Didn’t realise they were making a sequel, although it seems highly unlikely it would star my wife.’” –Schroduck

“The art in Rex Morgan isn’t anything special, but credit where it’s due, you can practically hear the mechanical creaking in the first panel as Rex comes out of rest mode to interact with his wife.” –Rosstifer

“By ‘cake’ the boys mean cake. By ‘cake’ Rex means booze.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Belle is sporting an almost wistful look in panel two. Deranged, yes, but wistfully deranged.” –LTJpezcore1

“Why is mini-Kadia squatting on the rim of Kit’s mug like that? Is she putting something extra into his coffee? God, I hope so.” –Veronica!

“Man, that genie is cool. He’s too cool for a Healthcliff cartoon. He ought to be the 90s throwback mascot for sunbutter, with a catchphrase like ‘It’s got Vitamin B1, yo!’” –BillieVee

“This is probably the closest this comic has ever gotten to acknowledging that hardly anybody uses the ‘Dick’ shortening of ‘Richard’ anymore, not to mention why that is the case. Hopefully, Tracy will get the point and change his name to the much more respectable Penis Tracy.” –ectojazzmage

“If I were a ruthless feudal overlord like Mr. Lodge, I’d be very hesitant to paint something that could be ignorantly or willfully misconstrued as an anarchy symbol on my door. Rivers of blood indeed!” –Violet

“So there’s this committee, see, made up of mothers-in-law, who manage all neighborhood device configurations, and they’ve got a parental lock on yours, sorry bud. I could ask about an exception at the next CAB meeting but that’s not for a couple weeks. Did you even read the HOA contract?” –Tyler Wengerd, on BlueSky

“I dunno. Archie and co have been teenagers for roughly forever and a half. Hard to blame them, really, for treating every day as a blur, just one more rotation on the endless and endlessly boring hamster wheel of their existence.” –Dmsilev

“And as Pop looked away, the wall tiles took the opportunity to grow their numbers again. Two more rows! Soon … soon they would devour all the walls in the restaurant. Then, from there, all the surfaces in Riverdale! No matter where you looked, there would be nothing but a glorious white background. They had taken over 9 Chickweed Lane this way. But the tiles … they hungered for more.” –Lurker Who Seldom Posts