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Metapost: Not one but TWO Los Angeles-area Josh-seeing opportunities await this week!

Hello, Los Angeles-area or -visiting fans of me! Would you like to watch me do odd and/or funny things in public, this week? Well, you’ve got two chances to do so!

On Thursday, April 9, at 9 p.m., I’ll be doing standup at the always enjoyable Comedy Palace, at 2112 Hillhurst Ave in Los Feliz! I did this show last year and it was 100% a blast. Here is the Facebook event! Other people on the bill: Robert Buscemi, Michael Busch, Raj Desai, Stephanie Simbari, Barry Rothbart, Lizzy Cooperman, Gabe Delahaye, and Pete Holmes, many of whom you probably have heard of! And it’s free! Come and enjoy!

Then, the very next night: Friday, April 10, at 9 p.m., I’ll be performing for the very first time on the West Coast my beloved character Gary The Emotionally Fragile Substitute Yoga Instructor (pictured above)! Gary will be part of the Etch-A-Sketch show at the Loft Theater, at 929 East 2nd Street in Little Tokyo/the Arts District/whatever you want to call that part of downtown. Here is the Facebook event! Only $5! Come and enjoy!

Metapost: Springy COTWs

It’s finally springtime (for the rest of you, I live in Southern California now where it’s literally nice all the time) and what better way to celebrate than with a hilarious comment of the week?

“At last we know how you afford those natty clothes and keep everyone in awe of your crime fighting prowess. It’s a scam with you playing Fagan to the local miscreants. Today’s picture tells all. Look at Roger Raccoon: does he look the least bit concerned that Slylock Fox is hot on his heels? Of course not; he knows it’s a charade to keep all eyes on him and Slylock. Meanwhile Max checks to make sure no one is looking at him before going through Mrs. Beaver’s purse for valuables that can be hidden under his bowler. You’re getting sloppy, Slylock, and pride goeth before the fall.” –DOlz

And also some hilarious runners up?

“In Ickian UFOlogy, ‘Nordics’ are a variety of humanoid space alien that frequented the earth in the 1950s. This might explain why the strip is named after Funky even though the author’s focus is on the inferior, soul-sucking ‘grey’ alien Les.” –Little Blue Bicycle

“‘How did you get the ring back, Shylock?’ ‘I helped the bird cough it up, of course.’ ‘Why is there blood on it? ‘I said I helped the bird cough it up! Let’s just leave it at that.’” –Lorne

“Life is capricious. One minute your tire is fine, the next it’s flat. One minute you’re driving on the left side of the car, the next you’re possibly in England. BANG!!” –Shoe Substitutes

“Aw man, when Snuffy loses the game, Jughaid’s gonna pop up from behind a chair or something, take a long drag off his e-cig, and say, ‘This hyar’s good fer bitcoin!’” –Dan

“I can only hire one of you, so go into that airport lounge and strangle each other. Whomever emerges gets the job and company trenchcoat.” –Kevin on Earth

“In panel #1 it looks like Wilbur Weston is performing Terry and Adam’s wedding ceremony. ‘By the power vested in me by the State of Mayonnaise, I now pronounce you husband and sandwich. You may now kiss the sandwich!’” –Rocky Stoneaxe

“…at work, where we would receive notes from our haggard drama coach in his lifeless, sterile office … at play rehearsal, where we struggled with the blocking for the scene in which Stanley Kowalski oafishly palpates Blanche’s lymph nodes … It was pretty much the most depressing week I’ve ever had in my life. Where am I? I hope I’m not daydreaming on that overpass again!” –made of wince

“Damn it, Gasoline Alley, you can’t just photo-reference random characters and then freely intersperse them with the deformed chimp-people who usually populate your strip. There’s a thing called the Uncanny Valley, and you’re peeing into it.” –Joe Blevins

“I can see the pitch now. Nick and Nora Charles meets Starsky and Hutch, produced by Glen A. Larson and then beaten about the head seven hundred times with a fencepost until it can barely count to yellow. Ratings dynamite.” –C. Sandy Cyst

“As an investigative team they may have been the best but damn, their mattresses and/or pillows weren’t. Look at those misaligned cervical vertebrae.” –Baka Gaijin

“Based on their uniforms in panel one, Adam is training to be a karate fighter, and Terry is training to be an ass-kicking dental hygienist.” –seismic-2

As an investigation team, we were the best! We always investigated with our guns drawn. I know some people think you should investigate discretely, quietly, and without drawing attention to yourselves. But Mary, when we went on an investigation with our guns out, it’s like everyone wanted to talk! And they all said the same things: ‘Please don’t shoot us.’ ‘Take all of the money, but let me live!’ ‘Oh, god, you shot me in the leg!’ That’s how you investigate on the street.” –Voshkod

“It is really, truly not a good thing if someone looking at you from slightly above can see the bottoms of your top molars.” –lumaca morente

“…anyhow, as it turns out, the guns were captured by a violent terrorist cell who slaughtered hundreds of innocents in Venus’ very own 9/11. Yorky’s dad was held responsible for the mistake and eventually took his own life in prison awaiting trial. The end.” –pugfuggly

!!! What was the point of making the A.D.A.M. Investigative Robot if it was just going to exceed its programming and request a transfer? If the investors get word of this, we’ll lose our funding for cobbling policebots together out of wax models, dollar-store mannequins, and surplus hands!” –Dragon of Life

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.

Metapost: Friday COTWastic

Oh let’s not dilly dally, let’s get right to the COTW!

“Ex-scuse me, but you can never have too much pink in a pillow sham. You just lost all credibility there, chica. No wonder your husband won’t listen to you — your argument has no basis in fact. I would certainly hate to see your idea of a good pillow sham. It’s probably a pinkless godawful disgrace. [actual dialogue consists of random barking]” –made of wince

The runners up are also delightful!

“So, you want us to acknowledge the avian qualities of our characters, do you? You want to see them flying around, perhaps diving into the ocean for fish? Here you go! Isn’t it everything you ever wanted?” –Enlong

‘How would you like your steak?’ ‘The same way I like flattering roles for women in Judge Parker … extremely rare.” –Joe Blevins

“Based on Funky’s facial expression in panel 1, the only thing sadder in Funky Winkerbean than life itself and its endless crushing disappointments is the thought that anyone in the strip might ever have a function relevant to modern life.” –Francis

“Is it just me, or is Abbey asking and answering her own question in panel one? Normally I would find that a horribly annoying habit, but I think it’s a step in the right direction in this case. Hopefully all the characters will follow suit and nobody will talk directly to one another ever again. Who has hope for the future of Judge Parker? This guy!” –Dante

“Presumably the baristas in the Parkerverse write ‘The Chambers Affair is Excellent’ on half of their cups and ‘The screenplay is even better!’ on the other in an attempt to engage their customers in a discussion about Parker Privilege.” –But What Do I Know?

“I love that opening image of Terry walking to work with her arms held out and elbows folded. This is how you begin a story about a grown-up woman with a tiny briefcase who’s working a serious grown-up job, people.” –Jenny Creed

“Jam spiced with tears of loneliness is always the best spread.” –Naked Bunny with a Whip

“Even in the face of widespread genocide, the punning continues.” –TheDiva

What do these letters mean on the cereal box? No, seriously, I’m completely illiterate and allergic to peanuts. I might die if you don’t read it to me.” –Alex Blaze

“Oh, let’s be done with it once and for all; you’re a plugger if you are a dog that’s really Wilford Brimley.” –Joe Momma

Apartment 3-G: “I don’t know if the antagonist is a big role or a tiny role. It’s all very hush-hush. Everyone involved has had to sign agreements promising not to disclose details of the script or any of the narratological conventions of western storytelling. Who knows?!?” –Shoe Substitutes

I don’t know what you’re talking about, Coach. Here, look at my fingers! Are these the fingers of someone who knows what you’re talking about?” –Digger

“I’m sorry but I just can’t feel too bad for the pluggers in this case. If you bought your first house for less than the price of a new car today, that represents a significant financial gain, because that same house is worth FAR more today! Unless you’re some kind of terrible hoarder who wrecked the value of the own ho– ohhhh, now I get it.” –Purple Prosecutor

“I think you’ve underestimated Heathcliff. He’s not trying to maximize his purchasing power … no, no, no. Heathcliff has discovered a taste for exotic meats. And there’s only one end point for that path: Heathcliff is, sooner rather than later, going to develop a taste for human. The Heathpocalypse is nigh! Repent!” –APNDaveR

“I’m kinda digging that smug look on Bobby in panel 2. ‘Yeah, I pulled a classic Dumbo’s Feather gambit on him. Dumbo is my nickname for Max, by the way, but don’t tell him tha– Crap, he’s still in the room, isn’t he.’” –Drewbear

Panel 2: ‘Say, is one supposed to look up and to the LEFT when pretending to recall true information or RIGHT? I can never remember … er, wait, did I say all that out loud?’” –Proteus454

This is indeed a great tie-in with Avengers 2: My Eyes Are Up Here.” –Dan

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.