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Pre-thanksgiving comments of the week!

Let’s hope this week’s top comment helps make room in your stomach for extra turkey:

This is NOT the way Gunther’s mother wanted him to find out about the new butler.” –Everything is Better With Monkeys

These runners up also deserve to be drowned in gravy!

“Some news: Lockhorns ripoff comic that somehow came first The Better Half is ending at the end of November. Newspapers are already asking their readers to pick if it should be replaced by The Lockhorns or just a general sense of the death of all things.” –Chip Whittle

“As Edna convulses in her final death spasm in panel five, June, after just assuring her that everything will be fine, thinks ‘Oh well, she’s not my problem anymore. Hey, there’s another woman sitting on the floor. Why does everything always have to happen to me?!’” –Shran

‘I’ll see you at the hospital later,’ June says to the woman’s abdomen. As she slips the EMTs their fees she thinks, I hope they remembered to put ice in the cooler this time.” –Cthulhu Gnu

“I dunno what physical symptoms would be appropriately cartoonish markers to express such a specific feeling as ‘lack of resolve to commit a brutal act’, but I’m pretty sure ‘leg convulsions’ and ‘expression of abject terror’ aren’t two that are working for B.C. today. Learn from the soap strips, B.C.! The only way to convey an emotion is with exaggerated, robotic hand movements, like you’re a mannequin signaling a plane!” –Jack Loves Comics

Happy 50th, Wizard of Id. That means it’s time for your colonoscopy! Or as you might call it, ‘going to the dungeon.’” –WeatherServo9

“Someday PJ will understand that there is no upside to the Wizard of Id. It’s all downside.” –KEithOK

“With all the changes in this strip, I’m glad Mark still talks like he carves his words into a stump before saying them.” –Uncle Lumpy

“Why is everything to Cherry’s left in black and white? Is Mark so distracted by her bikini that he didn’t notice that he’s headed straight for the negative zone?” –Vardulon

“Gunther’s Mom is embarrassed to be caught with the worst-selling Real Doll ever, model KY-69, the Portly Gent.” –Voshkod

“While the thought that the conversation between Hanna Dingdon and Generic Old Widower might be rife with sexual innuendo is stomach-turning, it is far preferable to reaching the conclusion that they have now spent the past week simply talking about taking a walk with no overtones at all.” –But What Do I Know

“Tech people, help me out here: Can you ‘Carrie’ people via Skype?” –Chyron HR

“Mary’s honey trap worked like a dream. Now it’s time for Phase 2 of Operation: HannaDrop: clearing Somerset’s 3-year waiting list by purveying lethally bad advice in the Ask Wendy column. What’s that? Wilbur’s writing Ask Wendy again? Excellent, we can go straight to Phase 3 … Pool Party!” –Voyage of the Oversnark

“What’s sad here is how the passerby just immediately acquiesces to Dennis’ demand. APATHY IS THE DEVIL’S BEST FRIEND.” –Joe Blevins

A3G’s status as a soap strip dovetails nicely with the inconsistent artwork. Panel 1: ‘The part of Margo will now be played by Pensive Peter Brady.’ Panel 2: ‘The part of Margo will now be played by Dyspeptic James Madison.’ Of course, the part of Lu Ann continues to be played by Repurposed Macy*s Mannequin No. 237.” –Sock Puppet

“The birds are well aware that Heathcliff’s elderly owner routinely spends his payday check on the biggest tab of LSD that he can afford.” –Wonkey the Monkey

“I hope Bull’s letter to the school board was truly vile, all ‘tiny penis’ this and ‘flabby vagina’ that, including dozens of photostats of his balls (done on the school’s machine!). And then after reading it, I hope they make him stay, because, what crueler punishment, right?” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“I’d have to say there is something weirdly menacing about a 7 year old boy showing an appreciation for the Allman Brothers Band.” –Brad

“Where does Heathcliff’s elderly owner go to work in enormous yellow shoes, a beret, and carrying a metal lunchbox? Clearly, Mr. Nutmeg isn’t just employed as a construction worker at the new Westfinster School of Clowning and Mime, he intends to be its first student.” –BigTed

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Metapost: The week’s top comments are HERE

And you can read ‘em! Here’s #1:

“Momma doesn’t seem to mind fun-loving Francis bringing a gun into the house. Maybe that’s because it’s Thomas, the high-strung, responsible son, whom everyone expects to snap one day.” –BigTed

And here are the runners up!

“It’s so tempting to lean his head back, mouth open, and simply let the rain drown him. Anything — anything! — would be better than going home to the black abyss that is his marriage. But courage these days comes in the form of alcohol, which would involve him having to leave the tender embrace of the cold rain. The major, meanwhile, doesn’t know whether to pity the old man or himself because he looks at the general and sees his future. If he stands there much longer, he’s going to grab the fossil and shove his head in that puddle, if only to end the both their nightmares. Lighthearted fare for a Saturday.” –Diana Lynn Paladin on Facebook

“Yeah, I’m wearing this uniform to impersonate — I mean honor our nation’s veterans. Not to pick up gullible women and possibly wind up with a venereal disease like a soldier from the time period this uniform is from. Nothing odd about this whole situation at all.” –rbmalpha

“No, Heathcliff is NOT fucking Hello Kitty. He’s fucking a Hello Kitty plush doll! Which is way more disturbing.” –Missal

“‘Is it something very personal of which you’re ashamed?’ ‘Yeah, dressing up as General Black Jack Pershing two days before Veterans Day. Oh, and also, masturbating into your carton of Coffee Rich while I was in that uniform.’” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“Seeing Beetle Bailey’s big smug smile as Sarge mutters about his ‘sloppy service’ is the filthiest gay porn that’s ever been in comics.” –lorne

“This week’s guest artist in Mary Worth: M.C. Escher. Tune in tomorrow to see Wilbur eat a sandwich from both sides at the same time.” –Pozzo

“My nosal passages are all clogged up. It keeps the…oxyclean from getting to…my brain….muh…gggggg…zzzzzzzzzz” –pugfuggly

“Gotta love the hairy wrists on our chainsaw-wielding pal. As Sam proves in panel one, truly civilized men have perfectly smooth forearms, thank you very much.” –Joe Blevins

“Never mind the park job, I’m more freaked out by Mary’s bold-italic HELP EACH OTHER comment as she pantomimes cupping Sean’s balls.” –Voyage of the Oversnark

“The savage beating she gave him wasn’t enough to break Jeffy’s will, but the perfume torture would surely make him talk. They always talk.” –Bradley

“Haha, Mary’s driven Hanna once, and she’s already decided it’s time to marry her off. A new husband will drive Hanna, and Mary will have satisfied the two major goals of any meddle: a heteronormative marriage, and no changes to Mary’s lifestyle ever.” –Enlong

Today’s Hi and Lois is a profound statement on American drinking culture and how it encourages college kids to pursue drinking as an end in itself with empty promises of happiness, instead of teaching children to pursue happiness first, find fulfillment in their friends and activities and how adding alcohol can be a simple optional addition to that healthier and ultimately more satisfying lifestyle. I think it’s — what’s that? They have a chronic alcoholic character named Thirsty that they bring out for ‘laughs’ and bad ‘isn’t the drunk funny’ jokes?” –Comrade Dread

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.

Metapost: Blue-collar comments of the week!

Hello all! Your comment of the week momentarily, but first: I wrote a slideshow for ITworld about so-called “middle skills” tech jobs that don’t require a four-year degree but still pay well. Check it out, won’t you?

Oh, and here’s the promised comment of the week:

“I swear, the only thing that explains why everyone in this strip persists in behaving like nonsensical idiots, even certified ‘geniuses’ like Doc Ock, is that they are all severely concussed all the time, which actually makes sense given the beatings these guys regularly give and take. In fact, newspaper Spider-Man is probably the most realistic superhero comic out there when it comes to portraying personal and social costs of large numbers of super-powered people people putting on masks and punching each other in the head for fun and profit.” –Voyage of the Oversnark

And the very hilarious runners up!

Judge Parker: “Don’t worry, Sam. The mud hole has read The Chambers Affair and is a big fan of Alan Parker’s work. It would never dream of allowing any associate of Alan Parker to fall into it, so as his attorney you will be perfectly safe.” –Ratiocinator

“Seriously, though, everyone is treating this as if it’s a harrowing tale of horror. I want to know if being a sentient fungus is more or less pleasant than being a human. It might be rather peaceful.” –Lawzlo

“You know what? That’s Heathcliff acting recognizably like a cat. I’ll take it.” –C. Sandy Cyst

I have my ways. Offering to pay more money or letting them do whatever they want my body. So, really just two ways.” –Chareth Cutestory

“So what kind of human ancestor is that? Indonesian Hobbit men? Or does B.C. look back into the evolutionary history of other, now ancient comics? Is this Cro-Momma?” –sporknpork

“I for one welcome the prospect of Mary Worth exploring the sensitive, difficult topic of how gonorrhea spreads among senior citizens. (It climbs down from the wall and enters the body through balding scalps, mustaches and the fingers of the left hand.)” –pastordan

Re: Apartment 3-G’s restaurant-apartment confusion: “When has this strip ever looked like anything?” –Ned Ryerson

“Is it also worth pointing out that Margo hasn’t had on-screen ‘work to do’ for several years? She should just start miming out typing motions and saying, ‘work work work work!’” –Dan

“I say, keep on harping, Josh. This folie a deux hallucination is the best thing to happen to A3G in years. I’m imagining the two of them standing there, completely oblivious there’s not a table below them, and what we can’t see below the panels are the numerous dropped plates and spilled wine glasses, brought as props necessary to never break the madness, but repeatedly dropped through the non-table.” –Brady

“Margo is able to infer from her dad’s cadence and facial expression that his news is meant to be surprising. ‘I should probably react in some way,’ she thinks, her face a blank and inexpressive mask. ‘How do other humans respond to surprising news that isn’t being delivered by me, and is therefore uninteresting?’ After a moment’s consideration, she settles on ‘Gasp…’, barely avoiding the interrogative lift at the end that would have turned it into ‘Gasp…?’” –wonkeythemonkey

“I think somebody is angling for a little corporate sponsorship. ‘I’m kinda hungry, and what better pick-me-up than a Snickers brand candy snack?’ Horrified, the M&M Mars conglomeration will sue them out of existence, finally.” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“Mark looks positively excited in panel 1. I assume he’s been quietly sitting there praying for his own death as Cherry prattles on mindlessly about human things, but now — All right! She’s leaving! Now to go make some nice square boxes of bubbles in the water!” –Cthulhu Gnu

“I like to think the cop in the last panel has is elbow leaning against a wall and is playing with his hair, trying to act coy and cute in order to flirt with Spiderman. ‘So, you say we should lock these guys up. Well, you are my super hero.’” –Joe Momma

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! If you’d like to buy advertising on the site, you can do so on a CPM basis through BuySellAds. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.