“No. No. This is intolerable. Rhino-Man can be drawn in a way that makes him look like the only hairs he has are twelve on his head, but you just wanted to show naked Bear-Plugger. You will not be written in the Book of Life!” –matt w

“Love the sour look on the guy trying to convince Henry to work from home. ‘God, what’ll it take to get rid of this schmo!?’ he thinks.” –Hibbleton

“The Hotel Bingham is just not even trying with its logo. ‘Yeah, yeah, lower-case Arial. That’s good enough for the meatbags who stay here.’” –Joe Blevins

“I’m impressed by Dick Tracy’s technical prowess here. Unlike most people his age, he’s noticed that Google no longer returns useful results. If he searched for her there, he’d get a dubious AI summary above several ads offering to sell ‘New and Used LaKoyles.’ Instead, he goes straight to a reliable source: The Neo-Chicago Daily, whose business model is based on chronicling local crimes and the reasons why police would be justified against any particular citizen.” –Nevin, on Patreon

“There have been a confusing amount of ‘red lines’ mentioned in reporting on climate science that supposedly indicate when we’ve crossed the critical threshold. But I have to say ‘Mary Worth faces death by climatic instability in a hot air balloon while hosting a narcissistic child’ is certainly a sign we’ve lost the fight and must prepare for centuries of disruption.” –Philip

“That’s not the bathroom mirror. That’s Crankshaft’s Dorian Gray portrait, but his soul is so vile and repugnant that it’s only able to take on about half of the physical effects.” –TheDiva

“‘You be sure to have some cake now’ is going to be my new favorite phrase for patronizing dismissal.” –pugfuggly

“Gosh, I hope the poor, innocent trees don’t suffer any serious damage.” –Bob Tice

“The other balloonivators landed when the ground crews radioed the warning about the approaching front. Unfortunately, Stanley didn’t hear it, because he’d turned off his hearing aid after fifteen minutes of listening to Olive and Mary’s inane chatter.” –Ken

“Oh, come on! You can plainly see there’s no other headstones nearby, of course this gentleman got a big enough plot, that’s not the problem here. It’s the lack of plot holes, just the way any novelist would want it.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“The flag in Gearhead Gertie today was a great move; really clarified everything. That had, truly, been the great question on my mind all along, and now I know.” –A Grave Mind

“I’m almost as shocked by this strip’s implications as the wide-eyed kids it’s depicting are! They’ve never met their step-dad before today? They didn’t even attend the wedding? And Steppy McStep-Step there is apparently part of their EMPTY PINK VOID of a house?’ –Victor Von

“Which of the following is most representative of the current state of Beetle Bailey: (a) Only now discovering the 30 year old concept of ‘casual Friday,’ now that workplaces have commonly gone to ‘business casual’ as a default; or (b) thinking that the concept of ‘casual Friday’ could apply to on-duty members of the United States Army?” –Rube

“It’s casual Friday because Gen. Halftrack isn’t there, having been called to Quantico for the all-generals meeting, where he’ll be elevated to the Joint Chiefs. Or maybe executed. The real story is that somebody high up remembered that Camp Swampy still exists.” –Tom T.

“The Smifs hit a new low of hillbilly stereotype by being reduced to eating literal roadkill for dinner. They attempt to take their minds off this depressing horror with jokes. Unfortunately, their writer wouldn’t know a joke if it kicked him in the nuts, so their torment simply persists eternally. Sad!” –ectojazzmage

“I have to assume the Perfesser was examined in the conference room because past conduct required the hospital lawyer to be there. What we’re seeing is the POV of the attorney, hence why the Perfesser is looking directly at the reader and attempting a legalistic argument to defend ignoring his doctor’s advice.” –Philip

“Pluggers blur the line between back pain and hip dysplasia.” –Hibbleton

“There’s a lot of subtext in Eve’s ‘Oh … okay,’ most of it along the lines of ‘is she dangerous?’” –Ken

“Given the genericness of Olive’s animal whispering here, I’m starting to believe that Olive is less ‘psychic’ and more ‘imaginative child who has learned how to apply the Barnum effect to fleece these geezers for all they’re worth,’ and I can’t think of a better hobby for a young girl.” –Library Seraph

“Oh he’s standing up? God, I thought the punchline was going to be ‘Pluggers can’t find the remote until it’s at least 2 inches inside.’” –pugfuggly

“Anyway, can you help me? I’ve been vaguely poking at this carrot with a knife for an hour but I can’t seem to cut it.” –TheDiva

“The funny part is, these people aren’t even house-shopping. They needed someone with time on her hands to vent at, and, well, Lois is a failure.” –A Grave Mind

“Family Circus is moving into the crudely labeled political cartoon game. Jeffy symbolizes Jeffy. (They’re not very good at it.)” –matt w

“So it is possible to achieve Felony Fire Hydrant Pissing.” –Mkay

“[Adjusting tie over sloppy shirt] Could you maybe phrase your medical advice in a way that implies I get no respect?” –Dan

“The fridge has a light to expose your nakedness and sin before God and neighbor, Cosmo, everybody knows this! Seriously, you should either wear pajamas or pull the kitchen blinds.” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“Probably Leroy insulted the French waiter by noticing that he is the only person in universe with a chin. Sure, being chinless is monstrous for us, but this is a Twilight Zone situation.” –Ettore Costa, on BlueSky

“Ok, because sometimes comic strips’ niche interests overlap with my own, I can answer today’s Rex Morgan, M.D.: No, ‘they’ have not started calling Americana music ‘Ameripolitan,’ unless the ‘they’ you are referring to is ‘fans of roots singer Dale Watson.’ Watson has tried to push this branding, going so far as to host an Ameripolitan Awards ceremony for over a decade. Though he is a respected part of the community, no one uses that term unless they’re at his ceremony or on his payroll.This scene could still be a realistic slice of life! Hank might be a gatekeeper, mouthing questionable facts to remind his wife of his superiority. Or maybe Dale Watson himself is in this wedding audience and spreading his brand to gullible old men. There are lots of possibilities, and we’ll need this comic to spend the next month telling us exactly why we are hearing this slightly misinformed statement about country music labels!” –Nevin, on Patreon

“Judge Parker’s fascinating. In panel 1, Sam and Abbey are in conversation. In panel 2, they’ve rotated on a giant turntable. Sam’s talking to a point behind Abbey’s head while she stares directly at me and tells me ‘Let me stop you there with a big no.’ How did she know? How did she know my plans, my terrible secrets? Whatever they are, I guess I’ll be putting them on hold until some future strip, where Abbey stares into the camera and says ‘You know what to do.’” –Matthew Z. Wood

“Being a plugger is a life of misery but come on, fight back against the inevitable just a little. Do not go gentle into that good night/ Pluggers should burn and rave at close of day/ Rage, rage against the dying of the light/ Using a washing machine is a-okay.” –Tabby Lavalamp

“Oh sure — and learn a practical skill like arithmetic? Well, no thank you…” –Dennis Jimenez

“Well, I must admit, I have never seen ‘yikes’ used in a cartoon that conveys so exactly and accurately the reader’s impression of the panel in which it occurs. I mean, yikes.” –Chance

“So the other officers get annoyed when Sarge … comes in early and gets his work done? I don’t know what kind of Army they’re running here, but it can’t be the one we need.” –BigTed

“Leroy’s right to feel jealous. Nothing turns a hunk on like a gnome dressed like the ghost of a Victorian orphan.” –Schroduck

“Mary Worth clumsily exposition-dropping the Santa Royale hot-air balloon festival has big ‘…and Mr. Chekhov has a brand new gun in his desk drawer!’ energy.” –raincannon

“‘But we haven’t told you when we were going!’ Ed and Evy smile and nod, smile and nod. ‘That’s right,’ they intone together. –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“I know that eventually you just have to accept the weird bolding in Mary Worth, but even within that, come on. If you’re gonna drop something like, ‘I have some prior commitments,’ you absolutely have to smash cut to Olive’s mom doing something humorous. The panel is even drawn so everyone’s looking at her expectantly! I have to assume what comes next is dead silence, Olive coughing once, and everyone moves on.” –Dan

“Andrew D. Capp, known to his friends as Andy, was killed in a knife attack in a pub in Liverpool last evening. Accordingly to witnesses, Mr. Capp interfered in a snooker game. Rest in peace, Mr. Capp (1921(1932(1941(1954(1962(1972(1981)))))))-2025).” –Voshkod

“Sorry, Loretta had the flu last week. Well, she died! I came here to you because I wanted to report this to someone who would care.” –Ettorre

“Anyway Reggie has confirmed that Veronica is the being containing all perfections from Descartes’s ontological argument, so that’s that settled.” –matt w

“I assume that Mother Goose’s pose is intended to partially hide her mammalian breasts from the reader. I don’t approve. Mike Peters made this anatomically freakish bed, and he should be forced to lie in it.” –Mr. A

“The cow is sad because the horse snarfed down all the drugs. The birds have to lead the horse because he’s too high to figure out where to go on his own. The kid’s smug because he loves that the horse denied his mortal enemy, the cow, any drugs. And yes, the birds are leading the mammals to their deaths. The birds’ll be pecking on their carcasses for dinner tonight until the larger scavengers find out. Simples.” –Baja Gaijin

“‘To quote a meta-research paper, Loch Ness is the one body of water on Earth we can be most sure doesn’t have a monster in it. It’s been so thoroughly searched and mapped, for generations you just had to say you were thinking of looking for the Loch Ness monster and you’d get funding. It’s a pretty funny situation. Anyway, time to get some jokes from this century, Roz.’ ‘Well. I guess then we know where your uncle doesn’t dump the bodies. He’s the … Not-Ness Mobster? Something Elliot Ness something? Look, we’ll workshop it later.’ ‘Again, he’s murdered a lot of people.’’ –Amelie Wikström

“What the fuck is a ‘12 minute animated graphic,’ anyway? In a psych course, no less? Doesn’t this sound like a super 1998 kind of thing? Does the baby dance to B.F. Skinner quotations this time? AM I back in 1998? Can … can I be?” –A Grave Mind

“I’m actually grateful that Dustin’s dad brought up that awful subject because the camera rotates 180° between panels 1 and 2, yet Megan’s posture is completely unchanged. Her body has inverted itself to present the same outward appearance to all directions, even having (apparently) moved from behind the chair to in front of it. She’s either a metamorph or a walking optical illusion, and the effect is so unsettling that anything that forces my mind to consider something even more repellent is a blessing.” –Vice President John Adams

“I actually don’t think this is a sex joke at all. I think that Dustin’s dad is saying that he probably hasn’t spent 10,000 hours with his kids over their entire lives, and they’ve never been taken by the state, so, you know, can’t argue with results?” –pugfuggly

“Ten thousand hours? Dustin’s dad chuckled. Indeed, he had needed far less time to attain mystery of the forbidden alchemies contained in that weathered tome he had found in the law school library all those years ago. The formulas and incantations were so precisely laid out that even a novice like Dustin’s dad could create a reasonably convincing homunculus after a few tries. Likening himself to God who created man from dust, he named his handiwork ‘Dustin,’ though, like God, he soon saw the frailty, the spinelessness, the lack of ambition of his creation. But Dustin’s dad had corrected the flaws in his formula. As Meg turned from her father, she saw it: the Dadling, a diminutive facsimile of its creator and the final evolution of his craft. Meg screamed, for she saw in its eyes the signs that to this creature she was sister, yet alien, inferior.” –Abram Beazer

“Thanks for your advice, Truck, but I’ve already leased a billboard that Jonah can see from his hospital bed.” –MKay