Archive: metaposts

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Hey all! If you are in the great city of Los Angeles, you should check out my live comedy show, the Internet Read Aloud! If you’re reading this online (hint: you are), you already love the Internet, so why not come watch it be … read aloud????? 8 pm at the Clubhouse in Los Feliz, with an amazing lineup of performers, about whom you can learn more here, at the Facebook event! Please come, it’s fun and it’s free!

Also fun and free: your comment of the week:

“Sawtooth, did you leave a man to freeze to death while fully dressed in what I can only imagine is a 100% polyester trenchcoat?” –Bunivasal

And your runners up: extremely enjoyable, at no charge!

“This is the first time we’ve seen Ian properly since Mary Worth got new artists, right? Because I want to go on record as saying that I 100% approve of the decision to give him the chinbeard to end all chinbeards. It perfectly suits the kind of man who would bellow ‘Fabulous news, my friend‘ at someone who doesn’t even seem to be his friend.” –Schroduck

“If there’s a ploy to get into Dawn’s pants more blatant than pretending to be interested in Wilbur, even for a few seconds, I don’t know what that might be.” –Joe Blevins

“It’s so fitting that Mary Worth invokes Joseph Campbell here, as Wilbur is now in the final stage of his Hero’s Journey, the return to the ordinary world. In this case he is accompanied by his spirit guardian (as Campbell noted, these often take the form of ‘a little old crone’) and can bestow on his fellow man the wisdom he has gained, in the form of ‘Ask Wendy’ columns.” –ratnerstar

“Man, look at Loweezy’s sly grin in the second panel. That’s the face of a woman who knows pneumonia is about to ease her burdens.” –TheDiva

“Los Angeles, where the laptops are big and beautiful — and I’m not talking about the computers! (Wait, I am talking about the computers — that thing is enormous.)” –BigTed

“If it’s the James Bond copyright lawyers, you’ve never heard of me, capisce?” –Horace Broon

“I’ve never noticed it before, but now will never unsee it: the inside of the Beetle Bailey character’s ears are all the same serifed lower case a. 13th century Florentines had a folk belief that God had signed his creation with the words OMO DEI using their eyes, brows, ears, nostrils, and mouth, but whatever God that Walker-Browne Amalgamated captured decades ago just uses its much more limited powers of to scream for help: AAAAAAAA” –AlexanderHammil

“In any case, Sarge seems happy to hear the enemy is coming. This chance is probably why he signed up. After decades of waiting in camp, with only the abuse of subordinates to break the monotony, finally there will be a chance of real action, of combat, of blood. There will be much worse than a swollen ear before he stops.” –pachoo

“Is ‘a soft heart‘ mommy talk for congenital valve defect? Is that what caused the rapid aging?” –Rusty

“I’m sure Wilbur is going to be thrilled with the single slice of microwaved cake Mary has arranged the servers to parade out after dinner to the melody of an off-brand Happy Birthday song.” –Escape Zeppelin

“I’ll give him this much: whether he’s regular Peter Parker or The Amazing Spider-Man, he excels at Not Doing A Job.” –The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE

“I’m not entirely cognizant of the entire Mary Worth universe, but doesn’t Wilbur fall ass-backwards into every job he’s ever had? Which means there’s a 100% chance Wilbur will be scouted by some music industry guy at this karaoke bar and end up getting offered a contract to sing professionally. This will lead to a whirlwind of excitement for Wilbur, culminating in his getting to guest-host the Charterstone version of The Voice, briefly date the REAL Sofia Vergara, and finish the whole story arc with a one-man ‘jukebox’ musical called I Shouldn’t Be Alive: The Wilbur Something-Or-Other-Story [forgot Wilbur’s last name, too enthralled with my vision of Wilbur’s musical to take time to look it up]. The highlight of the off-Broadway show is that they recreate Wilbur’s actual shower on stage, complete with the twenty years of hair he’s never cleaned from the drain.” –Briane Pagel

“Uh, did Wilbur mention his singing in the shower to Mary, or did she just accidentally confirm the existence of her extensive Charterstone Monitoring System?” –pugfuggly

“The only way this story could have a happy ending is if Wilbur sings ‘Alone Again, Naturally.’ They can construct a real tower on the stage for him to throw himself off of during the finale.” –AhClem

“Judging by the lack of any ribbons or awards on the guy’s uniform, I’m guessing he’s never even served on a ship, and is therefore unlikely to be visiting numerous ports and collecting girls in each of them. So not only is he bragging about his philandering to minors who aren’t even interested in girls, but everything he’s telling them is an outright fabrication. This may well be the most depressing character I’ve encountered in the comics in a long time.” –JJ48

“[Mary, thinking:] ‘Confidant?’ That’s presumptuous. I’ll listen to your delicious secrets, true, but you can’t expect me not to repeat them or use them to gain power and influence. That’s just what one does with secrets, Wilbur.” –Enlong

“‘If I leave here tomorrow, would you still remember me?’, croons Wilbur, as ladies’ nether garments start to accumulate on his comb-over, the radiant heat from the stage lights having turned his slick, rock-hard Dupont hair reinforcement into a soft, waxy adhesive.” –Deacon Blues

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon! If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

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Hey guys, real quick: my monthly comedy show in LA? That you know and love? It’s happening week from today in LA with a superstar lineup, don’t miss it!

And now, real quick: your COTW!

“Those ominous black dots on my cheeks are freckles! And those two black parallelograms floating around in my hair? Those are my eyebrows! That bulbous, snout-like appendage between my black, soulless eyes? That’s a nose! I’m adorable, understand? A-dor-a-ble!” –Joe Blevins

Equally speedy and funny runners up!

Me after getting a single like on a tweet.” –Devi, on Twitter

“Unlike Mary Worth readers, Wilbur’s readers don’t have pictures of Wilbur thrown in their faces.” –Kevin Keeney, on Facebook

Hal of Hal’s Haberdashery is sunning himself at some tropical location in early retirement.” –Kevin On Earth

“I’d think bringing the late CEO’s child with you to a board meeting would be kind of a bad-ass power move. I would start by saying, ‘Has anyone here seen the movie Boss Baby?’” –BigTed

“I query ‘AUGH!’ as the proper response to THWACK. I would have gone with ‘OW! Fuck!’” –Ukulele Ike

“So that first panel shows Mara running towards Rusty and Cherry with her front shadow-free, but the same aspect on Cherry and Rusty (i.e., their backs) are in full-on shadow. Mara may only be five feet away, but apparently the Trails are in some sort of enclosure, perhaps a hunting blind, looking out through a two-way mirror? Maybe they are there to furtively hunt for a mate for Rusty?” –The Mighty Captain E

I’M BACK, WORLD! AND SLIGHTLY BETTER THAN WHEN I WAS HAVING SUICIDAL IDEATIONS!” –Dan

“Ah, nothing like a young homunculus’s first romance with a forty-year-old pre-teen.” –TheDiva

“Okay, I’ve see this black cross-hatching many times in Crankshaft and always took it to be a representation of shadow. This time, though, it’s just raked across the cloudless blue sky behind the strangely-despised Lena’s back. Hmm … kind of like formless wings of black smoke, like an angel that had its ability to soar the heavens ripped away by divine command. Lena … LENA … Lucifer eternum nunquam ascendunt … okay, time to go out for some fresh air.” –jroggs

“Sadly, Jughaid was buried alive in the family plot once the picture was taken.” –Snuffed Smif

“I read this as ‘where to CUCK,’ and I thought, well, bonus points for trying to keep up with today’s lingo, and even more bonus points for remaining on brand by being totally incoherent.” –Nekrotzar

“The troops are getting younger every year. We thought it was a blessing! Ten years ago I was an old man, paunchy and balding. But the sun scorches away the years, and five years ago I found myself newly in the prime of life, healthy and hale. But the troopers grow younger every year. Yesterday when I got out of bed I found that my feet no longer touch the floor. Today I found a baby tooth under my pillow.” –bunivasal

“Ha, normally the inspirational speech at the end of a story would be about the hard work and struggle the protagonist went through, but not in Rex Morgan, baby! ‘I got this company through marriage and corporate conniving even though I’m completely unqualified to run it. Now I’m going to go home and let you eggheads worry about the boring stuff and leave you with some vague threats about intervening if I feel like things are not to my liking.’ Fuck I love this strip!” –pugfuggly

“And let me be clear about the Avery Aerospace legacy! My husband’s last coherent wishes were that we continue to use the finest linen and dope in covering wing surfaces, and that cockpits should be open so that pilots could have a proper feel for air conditions! As for this rocketry silliness, he said satellites were just a fad and nothing would come of those goofball Telstar and Tiros ideas!” –Schrödinger’s Droopy

“Ironically, the hospital staff give Slim TLC while wearing ‘no scrubs’, and Slim catches a preventable nosocomial infection.” –Schroduck

“Why doesn’t Slim call the icon of Baphomet from the hood of his truck to cure his condition?” –Pozzo

“Alice is trying some negative reinforcement to cure Dennis’ desire for cookies. Once his hands heal from the burns, he’ll think twice.” –Kevin On Earth

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon! If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

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Here’s today’s COTW, which is short and sweet and made me laugh like a hyena:

“Dr. Hweb Blog” –Jarin Udom, on Facebook

And the very hilarious runners up!

“Happy Mother’s Day from all of us at Mark Trail! Unless you’re an elephant! Then you’re stuck with an oversized brain that leaves mother elephants like you with an enhanced capacity to despair and grieve for your dead children! You even have the guilt to bury them yourself and the memory to endure the pain for years! Happy Mother’s Day!” –jroggs

“THIS WAS NOT ON THE INSIDE THE ACTOR’S STUDIO SYLLABUS, JAMES LIPTON” –pastordan

“This is a surprisingly complicated joke. In reality, the term ‘tree hugging‘ doesn’t mean ’embracing trees as though they were human.’ It means ‘going to extraordinary lengths to protect trees from being cut down.’ So does the talking, sentient tree in this strip want to die, having grown tired of its solitary, stationary existence? Or is the tree willing to sacrifice its own life to further the cause of capitalism? ‘Get away, you fool! They’re going to build a Lens Crafters on this spot!’” –Joe Blevins

“He looks like a tree hugger … and a tree kisser to me if you know what I mean and I think you do. But if you don’t, what I mean is smoking marijuana.” –that guy

“As usual, Daisy is the most entertaining aspect of this strip. I just love how she wakes up, smiles as she realizes what’s about to happen, and then sets herself up for a front-row seat in the kitchen to enjoy the ensuing mayhem. Daisy knows what that’s all about, and she’s LOVING it.” –pugfuggly

“Alice’s hair is protruding out of the panel, as the first step in escaping the patriarchal nature of the 50s-era comic strip.” -Pozzo

“I don’t know about you guys, but the idea of Mark pounding the living shit out of an argumentative modal realist gives me ten times the anticipatory pleasure of any number of poachers, bank robbers, crooked senators, or confused sheriffs. I want the blows to land just as he uses the term ‘indexical,’ turning his nose and teeth into a reducible set of body parts and fluids. ‘Keep talking and you’ll need more than a reliance on counterpart theory,’ Mark says, tossing a copy of Kripke’s response onto the sand where the blood was pooling.” –James Dowd, on Facebook

“Are … are Mark’s nipples erect? I mean I knew he liked dishing out nature facts but, geez, this is supposed to be a family strip. Someone cover Rusty’s eyes.” –Truckosaurus

“So I guess it’s the strongly matriarchal society of Hootin’ Holler, in which only women are allowed high-caloric luxuries like dessert, that’s caused the menfolk to shrink into physically stunted grotesques. But the good news is that we can finally stop blaming the moonshine.” –BigTed

“All I can think of looking at today’s Mark Trail is the horrific sunburn awaiting these pasty people.” –Naked Bunny with a Whip

“I love the attitude of the Mark Trail colorist. Let’s see: Polka dots vs. Tiger stripes? New hair style? Could this be a completely different character? Aw, screw it, I am NOT scrolling up to that color bar again.” –Col Havoc.

“Wow. Everybody involved with this whale is aggressively and unaccountably furious. How DARE this whale strand itself at our exclusive beach resort. We paid good money and this ecolodge can’t even keep the beach free of filthy cetaceans.” –Escape Zeppelin

“Well, you pretty much have already given up your privacy when you go to Doctor Blog. He’s posting about Leroy’s ED while he’s still sitting there! ‘Flaccid has two c’s,’ Loretta helpfully adds.” –Aphthakid

“After all he’s been through, Wilbur still doesn’t know how to hold a goddamn phone.” –Tom the Sailor Man

“What? No, this is your therapist. I said your problems are whack.” –Rob Carlson

Look before you ‘lease’! And you know what I mean by ‘lease’! Wink wink. I … literally mean lease. Nudge nudge.” –Bootis

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon! If you’d like to advertise on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get your very own shoutout in this space, head on over to my BuySellAds page!

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