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You’re all mostly sleeping off Thanksgiving dinner and/or interacting with your beloved family and friends, but I will remind you that a mere week from today my beloved live Los Angeles comedy show, the Internet Read Aloud, will be happening again! Come again and laugh, for the first time!

And though my COTW list is a bit truncated due to holiday travel madness, I think you’ll be pleased with this comment of the week:

“Sheriff Tait is simply surprised to hear one of the performers speaking directly from within the ludicrously unconvincing horse costume, rather than through the grotesque ventriloquist’s dummy ‘riding’ on its back. He is unused to fourth-wall-breaking innovations in this most traditional of local artforms.” –butsuri

And these runner ups are as tasty as leftover pie!

“Mental note to never, ever watch a porno starring ‘Woofus Magnolia.’” –Doctor Handsome

“I always knew Sarge was a traitor, but I didn’t realize he was secretly an agent of the Duchy of Burgundy.” –Schroduck

“Aw man, he’s got the same sort of overconfidence that did in Saviors A through Y. I can see we’re going to have to break out the Greek letters.” –Peanut Gallery

“If the Phantom isn’t careful, he’s going to fly right into that guy’s gigantic nostrils. Of course, that may be his plan — the nose is the gateway to the brain, and a skull mark on the old medulla oblongata will put down the hardiest of opponents.” –Voshkod

“Where exactly is Crock’s roadkill coming from? As far as I can remember Crock has never shown a road crossing their endless yellow hellscape, let alone an automobile. Are they importing roadkill? Has Snuffy Smith finally found a profitable local industry in roadkill export? Will the sale of crushed possum to foreign markets with a taste for exotic American meats finally be the key to pulling Hootin’ Holler out of the 1929 depression? I have so many questions.” –Escape Zeppelin

“His desperation for arm-if-not-wife clears up some questions. It saves the Parkers the trouble of going to the library and scrolling through microfiche until they find the old headline ‘ACCIDENT CLAIMS DOCTOR’S MASTURBATING ARM.’” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“It seems that in the early stage of the animalpocalypse, every species fought for itself alone, like these pigs trying to eat this chicken. The animalpocalypse could have gone differently, with some species carving a role in the human society as Quislings or, more optimistically, with a gradual evolution towards equality within the rule of law. Was there a charismatic leader who was able to forge a United Front of all the animals against the Humans? Who was this animal-Lenin, who stood against any compromise and for the complete collapse of the human society? And yet, even his revolution completed its cycle: chickens and pigs might live in harmony, but fishes are still the underclass and everyone lives in fear of the vulpine KGB.” –Ettore

“That sly Dog Grandma knew Dog Grandpa couldn’t resist her cookies, which is why she baked enough chocolate chips into them to take care of the old guy for good. If Dog Grandson has to go too, well, that’s just unfortunate collateral damage.” –BigTed

“I Have A Mouth Yet I Can’t Scream” –janphar, on Twitter

“Well, it may not be Big Bird, but it was a bird. It had a mother and a father, and probably knew other birds, and was part of its environment, and now it’s gone from the world forever, and I’m a little sad about it. But you’re right, it is reassuring to know we’re not going to eat a man in a bird costume. Thank you for that.” –A Concerned Reader

Last sight seen by countless sandwiches. #sandwichvision” –Pat Ferruzza, on Facebook

And though it’s a bit too long to get COTW honors, we need to honor faithful reader Schroduck for taking my joke about a bluegrass version of “99 Problems” and making it a reality! “Cos I’m old and I’m white and my hat’s real quaint?/ Do I look like a soothsayer Sir, cos that I ain’t.”

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. If you would like to buy advertising on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get a text shoutout in these posts, get the details on my BuySellAds page.

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Hey y’all! If you’re in LA, you’ll get a special chance to see me in a show that’s not my show, for once! There’s improv and character bits, and I’m doing my most beloved (i.e. only) character bit: GARY THE EMOTIONALLY FRAGILE SUBSTITUTE YOGA INSTRUCTOR!!

Gary’s not good at yoga but he tries real hard and if you came to his drop-in class at the Pack Theater next Tuesday, 11/21, from 8:30 to 9 pm, he’d appreciate it. It’s pay what you can! (For this running bit I’m doing, imagine that the yoga class is pay what you can, but in real life the Pack Theater is also pay what you can, so that last sentence is doing double duty.) Here’s the Facebook event with more information!

Oh, but, also, I am of course doing my own show, The Internet Read Aloud, on 12/1, but Thanksgiving is coming up and you need to plan NOW. Here’s the Facebook event for THAT! Doooo it!

And, finally, what you’ve all been waiting for: the comment of the week.

“Say, honey, I know you make all the money in the family now and I haven’t worked in months, but I think once we get to Miami we should skip the Uber and take a chauffeured limousine instead. I would hate for the guy who may or may not be a grotesque supervillain to see us looking less than fancy when he either greets us warmly or tries to kill us.” –BigTed

Oh but you’ve also been waiting for the runners up, which are as always hilarious!

“Is Walt still alive? Or is this strip showing us his personal hell?” –Tom T.

That mailman has exceeded the OSHA-mandated Maximum Chin Limit by quite some way.” –Hergen

“Maybe it’s just me, but I find the throwaway panel in which Dennis imagines murdering Mr. Wilson in what the old man erroneously thinks is just cosplay pretty menacing.” –Alan

“Of course, what Dolly doesn’t know is that God keeps track of all of our sins on an unsecured database hosted by Amazon Web Services. Sure, it’s in ‘the cloud,’ but the moment Lucifer figures out the right URL, we are all screwed, and He can launch his DDOS attack on Heaven itself.” –Voshkod

“Snuffy and Barlow had a violent argument about who was allowed to wear that outfit. ‘THE HAT IS DIFFERENT!’ ‘IT’S NOT DIFFERENT ENOUGH!!!!’” –Joe Blevins

“Before the Lisa’s Legacy auction begins, I need to visit the Lisa’s Legacy bathroom. My Lisa’s Legacy breakfast isn’t sitting well, especially the undercooked Lisa’s Legacy bacon. I’d better bring an extra roll of Lisa’s Legacy toilet paper with me, just in case. See you in a few Lisa’s Legacy minutes!” –AhClem

“That’s a noble sentiment you’re trying to convey to your husband, April, but before you get into the messy details I think you should review the concept of empathy himself for him. ‘Do I think about the people I put in prison and what it does to them… Wait, do those people continue to exist after I stop thinking about them? Oh god, that’s horrible…'” –pugfuggly

“That’s bad mitten to you, Jeffy. Talk about blowing your teed-up adorable malapropism.” –Spiffy

“Batuik continues working towards his masterplan: eventually all the characters will be dead from cancer, and yet the strip will keep featuring them and never end.” –Horace Broon

Cacti are not native to north Africa so it’s a bit surprising that A) there are any B) the locals aren’t more interested and C) they’re a a weird shade of neon brown. Get your act together, Crock. Mark Trail would be all over this shit.” –Escape Zeppelin

“The fact that there are four Ys, four Es, four As, four Us, four Gs, but only three Hs in ‘YYYYEEEEAAAAUUUUGGGGHHH!’ indicates that the poor fucker is dead at the end of this episode.” –Mysterious Shirtless Lawyer

“Hmm, Josh thinks that Corbin comes from the French, when I saw that name in the comic, even before reading Josh’s spiel, I wondered if that was a Semitic name coming from Korban, which means dedicated (, and since Jesus’ time it had a negative connotation to it: the pharisees couldn’t support their elderly parents because all of their money was already dedicated to the temple, ‘Sorry mom and dad I’d like to put you in a nice nursing home, but I already dedicated that money to the temple.’ So I thought Family Circus was going to take a real dark turn, where Billy neglects his parents out of revenge for a bad meal served 40 years earlier. Revenge is a dish best served cold. Corbin indeed.” –CowKing

“Say what you will about him, it’s nice that Dagwood is warning his coworkers of his psychotic break and how much time they have left before he kills and devours them to satisfy the Void within.” –Dread

“Yeah, I read that as, ‘I’m gonna poop!’” –Pozzo

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. If you would like to buy advertising on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get a text shoutout in these posts, get the details on my BuySellAds page.

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This week’s top comment: it’s here!

“‘That phase of his life is behind him, honey! He wants to be remembered for his art, not his mutation. You have to separate the work from the lizard. Why you gotta bring up old stuff.’ This was a well-timed plot, Spider-Man. Good job, thumb on the pulse.” –Dan

The runners-up: they’re also hilarious!

“Ha ha, it’s funny because even after three pretty clear clues, Dagwood still can’t figure out that it’s Daylight Savings, an event that has happened twice a year his entire life! That’s so … troubling, actually? Is his brain getting clogged up with bologna or something?” –pugfuggly

“Hello? Spidey Sense Consumer Hotline? Yes, I have some complaints.” –Joe Blevins

“Humans might be low in the social hierarchy, but nothing has changed for fish after the Animapocalypse. The new masters still need an underclass, it’s the cycle of revolution.” –Ettore

“The dog didn’t need color vision, or even smell, to identify the red ones. He just licked all of them. Because he’s a dog! Enjoy the rest of your jelly beans, Young Jeffrey.” –Peanut Gallery

“Look at all that white snow. I have never been so grateful for a colorist’s mistake.” –matt w

“I’m looking forward to the future Mary Worth where Iris and Zak meet up with Wilbur and Fabiana for a cordial, awkward dinner. I give it an hour and no more than 2 glasses of wine before the young hotties have locked themselves into the bathroom. Iris and Wilbur will have no recourse but to weep, listen to their exuberant lovemaking, and glumly masturbate.” –stepped pyramids

“You see, if he HAD changed the clocks, the time in the cartoon would be 1:43. 143 is the sum of seven consecutive primes (11 + 13 + 17 + 19 + 23 + 29 + 31). That, plus the fact that the person on the right is carrying a basket of laundry should make the hilarious subtext obvious. I mean, it’s all right there!” –grsblvnyk

“That stereotypical cowboy in Mark Trail looks devastated by his gun’s betrayal. He might walk in on his wife and his best friend in bed; his dog might turn on him; his horse might go lame; all these things he could accept with the quiet stoicism we expect from the stereotypical cowboy. But when a man’s gun up and stabs him in the back like that, well, that’s just too much. Unless there’s a bayonet involved. Then you expect a stabbing.” –Voshkod

“Obviously Mark Trail is trying to appeal to the millennials with that ‘glitch’ noise because the gun was created with a 3D printer. That’s what the kids do nowadays, right? Make things with 3D printers?” –tb4000

“When Iris asks, ‘Isn’t it kind of late for coffee?’, she is being sincerely curious. She’s dumb. But when Zak replies, ‘It’s never too late for coffee’, he really is talking about coffee because if Iris throws down the stupid, Zak rolls with it. They’re perfect for each other.” –Gabacho

“The PR guy gets into a taxi. Peter waves to an empty limo. Mary Jane is sick of the crowds on an otherwise deserted street. Next thing ya know, that phase of Dr. Connors’ life will be shown NOT to be behind him after all! Lies! It’s all LIES!” –Hogenmogen

“Zak leads an uncertain Iris into his apartment, closes the door, and turns the lights on, low. Smiling, he pulls not one, but two small foil packets out of his pants pocket, and murmurs into Iris’ ear, ‘Don’t worry, I come prepared!’ and with one quick motion rips open both single-cup servings of Sanka.” –Charterstoned

Dear Diary: Today, I’m finally going to convince Beetle to walk out into the void. If he makes it through the endless nothingness, maybe he can warn the government about General Halftrack’s cloning experiments. Beetle may be our only hope of stopping him.” –Super Luigi 64

Dear Diary: Next week I’m going to be walking with Beetle and Blips will remark that I always write about things that happen a week in advance. That’s it. That’s the extent of my powers. I can predict the future with 100% accuracy but I can’t alter it in any way. It’s a curse. Oh well!” –made of wince

Thanks to everyone who became a Comics Curmudgeon Supporter to get an banner-ad-free site, put some scratch in my tip jar, or backed me on Patreon!. If you would like to buy advertising on the Comics Curmudgeon, and get a text shoutout in these posts, get the details on my BuySellAds page.

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