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Metapost: WIN TYLER NOW!

Those of you following the Self-Clubbing Tyler contest no doubt remember the awesomeness of the Self-Clubbing Tyler Action Figure, created by mad genius Dean Booth:

Well, in case you hadn’t been paying attention, Dean auctioned off his magnificent creation in the comments, with proceeds going to me, because Dean’s such an awesome fellow. The winning bidder, who wants to remain anonymous, donated the action figure to me as well to do with as I please — so it’s going to the winning entry! That’s right: if your entry into the Self-Clubbing Tyler lookalike contest comes out on top, you will be sent this magnificent creation to display proudly in your home.

But! The contest won’t last forever (much as it may seem like it). Send your pics by this coming Monday, May 7 if you want this fab prize! Operators are standing by!

Speaking of prizes, someone we know who’s “a real catch” (according to her mom) needs a date for Shawna-Marie’s wedding! Faithful reader willethompson, in his usual inimitable and hilarious style, breaks down her options. But hurry up and pick one, Liz, before he asks out that nice new girl in accounting!

314 responses to “Metapost: WIN TYLER NOW!”

  1. Weasel Boy
    May 3rd, 2007 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    I’ll bet Tyler could have used some head-whacking tips from Clambake.

  2. Jeanne
    May 3rd, 2007 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    I’d like to see her with the butler from Judge Parker. He’s Canadian, good-looking, and maybe his jealous wife would fly over to the GTA and massacre the whole Patterson clan.

  3. willethompson
    May 3rd, 2007 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    #2 Jeanne – as much as I second the emotion, I chose bachelors. Lovely sentiment, tho…

  4. Dennis Jimenez
    May 3rd, 2007 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    Where’s Cedric? Oh yeah, he likes ‘em young and Liz has crossed over into spinsterish.

  5. Jeanne
    May 3rd, 2007 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    Well, he WOULD be a bachelor if she killed herself after the massacre, but then I guess Liz would be dead too, so …..
    But, this could start a whole new storyline based in necrophilia, a topic Lynn has already touched on with Gramps and Iris….

  6. CrabbyGenes
    May 3rd, 2007 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    Um…I don’t follow all the comics commented on in this blog. Who is Number 5? The one with his own galaxy? What comic is he from?

    Sorry if this is a stupid question.

  7. Remus
    May 3rd, 2007 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    Hey Tyler
    That tree’s got the bark you need
    Oh Ty Ty
    More than Enough
    Oh Tyler Tyler Tyler
    Whack a while with me
    This barks’s so rough
    So rough

    Many times Ty’s loved – Many times been bitten
    Many times he’s gazed along the open road.

    Many times he’s lied – Many times he’s listened
    Many times Gil’s wondered how much there is to know.

    Many dreams come true and some have silver linings
    I go to the basket and keep my eyes on holes.

    Yellow is the man who don’t know how rough bark is
    Many many men can’t see the open wound.
    Clambake is a word that only leaves you guessing
    Guessing ’bout a thing you really ought to know, ooh!
    You really ought to know…

  8. willethompson
    May 3rd, 2007 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    #6 CrabbyGenes – the bachelors are:
    Von from Mary Worth
    Nikki from Rex Morgan
    Clambake from Gil Thorp
    Randy Parker from Judge Parker
    Galactic Emperor Chennux from…well, the planet Zynex, I guess. He stops in every once in a while to threaten us with magmacannon blasts.

  9. Remus
    May 3rd, 2007 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    Over the Hills and Far Away, Led Zeppelin

    (Sorry to Bob and Jim)

  10. thunderheels
    May 3rd, 2007 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    I think the latest setback for Liz is just a way for her to finally admit that the reason she picks losers in men is that she has not come to grips with being a lesbian. Look at her close female friends, though not gay, they have been less than mainstream. I look forward to seeing her at Shawna-Maries party with her special friend.

  11. L. Roy Aiken
    May 3rd, 2007 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    Well, Liz, he locks eye on one…er, okay. What else do you need to know? Hell, even his “cons” become positives, given whom we’re hooking him up with. A toast to the future Mrs. Clambake!

  12. gh
    May 3rd, 2007 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    Dean Booth and willethompson –

    Awesome, guys. The whole two of ya.

  13. Little Guy
    May 3rd, 2007 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    Chennux: RUN! RUN, YOUR GALACTICNESS! FULL MAGMACANNONS ON THE PATTERLIPS!

    Save the Emperor — Save the Galaxy!

  14. CrabbyGenes
    May 3rd, 2007 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    Thanks, williethompson #8. I didn’t know he looked like that. Actually, I secretly thought it MIGHT be Chennux but I didn’t want to guess that because I was afraid I might incur his wrath if I was wrong. So far, I’ve managed to stay under the radar, as far as he is concerned.

    Thanks for the other identifications too!

  15. Maughta
    May 3rd, 2007 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    Oh, c’mon, what about Howard Erk. Surely he’s been redeemed by the Canadian legal system now. Plus he’s shown an interest in Liz (something I can’t quite comprehend).

  16. Red Greenback
    May 3rd, 2007 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    Re: Liz’ wedding “escort”.
    Wille, although you selected a fine stable of nominees, my write in is Mark Trail’s friend, fellow outdoorsman and adventurer Johnny Malotte.

    Let the moustache wars begin!

  17. Jusafoob
    May 3rd, 2007 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    Man, Liz should hook up with Rat from PBS.

  18. Pelagius
    May 3rd, 2007 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    Cory from “Watch Your Head” is probably desperate enough to consider joining the Patterson clan, and we could all learn a heart-warming yet wryly humorous lesson about interracial relationships.

  19. Dingo
    May 3rd, 2007 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    I concur with Red Greenback. Johnny Malotte to the rescue!

  20. TurtleBoy
    May 3rd, 2007 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    I’m surprised to find Eric Mills absent from the list o’ bachelors. I would love to see Liz go up against the lovely Ms. Margo Magee in order to win his love. Fill the vat with lime Jell-o, and gimme ringside seats!

  21. gh
    May 3rd, 2007 at 9:56 am [Reply]

    If Liz can’t have Angsthony, then it should be Comic Book Guy from FW. He’s just as big a mopey, dull torch-carrier and would probably even be willing to draw on a mustache with a felt tip pen since clearly lacks the hormones to grow one.

  22. Non-Shannon
    May 3rd, 2007 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    Chennux is obviously the best choice. Then again, Liz might be occasionally cute, but in the words of Alanis Morissette, would she go down on you in…a theatre??

  23. Islamorada Girl
    May 3rd, 2007 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    Well, a date with Chennux is a lot more fun than a date with Granthony. . . but the Emp is too good for Emo Girl. On the other hand, he could destroy the entire Foobiverse with one magacannon tied behind his back. Especially if there’s no German potato salad served at the reception. Go, Emp! Use your powers for good, not evil and blow ‘em all away!

  24. Non-Shannon
    May 3rd, 2007 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    BTW–Shannon! Get to work on the self-clubbing!

  25. Jusafoob
    May 3rd, 2007 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    Foobladi Fooblada
    (to the tune of Obladi Oblada With sincere apologies to Lennon and McCartney)

    Pornstache has an office down at Gordon’s lot
    Lizard is the teacher at the school
    Pornstache says to Lizard girl I think your hot
    And Lizard likes this as she begins to drool.

    CHORUS:
    Foobladi Fooblada life goes on bra
    Elly how the life goes on
    Foobladi Fooblada life goes on bra
    Elly how the life goes on.

    Pornstache takes his Crevasse to Tim Horton’s shop
    Buys a dozen frosted and some glazed
    Takes them back to Lizard dreaming of the cop
    And as he gives them to her she falls in a daze.

    Chorus:
    Foobladi Fooblada life goes on bra
    Elly how the life goes on
    Foobladi Fooblada life goes on bra
    Elly how the life goes on.

    In a couple of years there is such a pall
    With pain
    And a couple of kids chained up to the wall
    Of Pornstache and Lizard Caine.

    Dreary ever after in their crappy life
    Lizard hits the bottle every night
    Pornstache goes downstairs and does his “plastic” wife
    And stupid Elly thinks this marriage is just right.

    Chorus:
    Foobladi Fooblada life goes on bra
    Elly how the life goes on
    Foobladi ob Fooblada lada life goes on bra
    Elly how the life goes on.

    And if you want some fun, sing Foobladi blada.

  26. gh
    May 3rd, 2007 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    #25 Jusafoob

    Bravo! Perfect bouncy little ditty!

  27. pesch
    May 3rd, 2007 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    williethompson: A grand strip! Is that Phil Foglio’s art in the last panel?

    And a warm welcome to Kyle for introducing himself in #21, last thread. Nice Picasso / Nike reference. You’ll fit in well with the inmates.

  28. Poppinjay
    May 3rd, 2007 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    I think an obvious choice would be Neddy. Hot realistic drawn chick action. Neddy would take it to the hole.

  29. Spoony Bard
    May 3rd, 2007 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    I think we’re all forgetting the dark horse in this race: Gap-toothed-starrey-”HOOO!”-boy. We all know GTSHB is the way to go. He’s personable, has a minimum of 2 actual friends, jovial, and um…thinks sex is funny? I don’t know where I was headed with this.

  30. blueberry
    May 3rd, 2007 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    FBoFW: I am so confused by all this. Liz has known Anthony forever, right? So why was there any kind of ego involved in asking him out? Not to mention the question of why she seems to think she might be interested in him, when she’s pretty clearly not. And in the real world (the “non-Foobian world”), she would know by now, believe me.

    Even worse, did I understand correctly that Anthony’s date for the wedding is a new employee? That he supervises? Um, hello? Can anyone say “sexual harassment lawsuit”?

    Should I also mention that he referred to her as a “girl,” implying that she’s underage?

  31. OverCat
    May 3rd, 2007 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    Your answer is right on top of you, Liz – TYLER!!

    It’s a step up for Tyler, as his last girlfriend was an alien, and he comes from a strip with even more poorly-drawn women than FOOB.

    And is a guy who whacks himself in the head with a stick any worse than an accountant for a used car/gas station with a toddler chained in his basement who wastes no time in pouncing on the new “girl” they just hired to work for him? Is he?

    Bonus for the rest of us: Tyler might miss his own head with the stick and whack Lizzie.

  32. Teem
    May 3rd, 2007 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    I vote for Rusty, the hideously malformed genetic experiment gone awry. He’s just right for Lizardbreath.

  33. Ran
    May 3rd, 2007 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    Hey! How about Fencin’ Frank? He could be Liz ‘the vagaina of destruction’ temporary male accessory. Once she’s in, she’ll leave a trail of emotional consternation until she reaches the ultimate goal: the doomed groom.

  34. Bud
    May 3rd, 2007 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    I wish to thank your site for sparking my hate/hate relationship with FOOB. Up until now I considered it to be a silly little waste of time. NOW I can’t wait to see every character die in a cataclysmic ball of fire. Either that or hit by a bus. Thank you sir, thank you very much.

  35. SatanicMechanic
    May 3rd, 2007 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    #10 thunderheels

    So… you mean the frizzy haired lady friend with the wart (or whatever) on her nose isn’t gay?

  36. TB Tabby
    May 3rd, 2007 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    I think Liz should take LuAnn’s place in Apartment 3-G as soon as she asphyxiates.

  37. gh
    May 3rd, 2007 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    #30 blueberry

    Not to mention the question of why she seems to think she might be interested in him, when she’s pretty clearly not. And in the real world (the “non-Foobian world”), she would know by now, believe me.

    We come, once again, to the crux of the matter: she knows for a fact that she doesn’t love him.. It’s not about love, it’s about growing old up, being pampered mature, building a cage life with someone who will stick with you through a loveless sham of a marriage the good times and bad. That’s why it’s called (THTI) For Better or Worse. And when the final curtain rings down in 120 days, it will leave that final word ringing in the ears of Liz and everyone around her: Worse.

  38. moe99
    May 3rd, 2007 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    Two things: why wasn’t Hugh Avery’s son mentioned as a candidate? He meets the self absorption requirements. And for Granthony to date someone at work, we all have experienecd directly or indirectly the dangers of workplace romances. And doesn’t Canada have sexual harassment laws in place? In some cases, daing a subordinate is considered per se sexual harassment.
    Finally, and I know this is 3 but what the heck, this is merely the set up for Liz and Anthony to finally come together. C’mon on, I’ll bet a latte on it.

  39. Poteet
    May 3rd, 2007 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    BWAHAHAHA! What a great metapost! I don’t feel an inner Tyler myself, but c’mon, folks, let’s see more contestants — that action figure is worth competing for.

    And wille, what a great lineup! I’d vote for G.E. Chennux. Not that I’d wish Liz on anyone (shudder), but the Emp could just turn her into the gooey stuff we scrape off outdoor grills if she annoyed him. And since I’m planning to attend Shawna-Marie’s wedding myself (the puce puffy-sleeved dress with the yellow sash just got back from the cleaners), Chennux is the guy I’d most like to see there.

  40. gh
    May 3rd, 2007 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    Well, ain’t we got fun? This isn’t exactly off track, since its Foob-related, and Justafoob broke the ice anyway. I thought everyone could use a break from Liz’s “sin and misery.” To the tune of The Animals’ [not the original, I’m sure] House of the Rising Sun.

    There is a house in Canada
    It’s called the Pattersons
    And it’s been the prison of many a poor Foob
    Thank God that you’re not one

    The mother was the jailer
    She shaved her sheets so clean
    The father was a railroad man
    Building model scenes

    Now the only thing a hobbyist needs
    Is some plywood and a track
    And the only time he’s satisfied
    Is when he sneaks out back

    —— organ solo ——

    The mother tells her children
    Just to do what she has done
    Spend their lives with Dee and Angsthony
    In the House of the Pattersons

    Well, she’s got her son by the gonads
    The daughter is well-trained
    She’ll make sure it’s their destiny
    To wear that ball and chain

    There is a house in Canada
    It’s called the Patterson’s
    And it’s been the prison of many a poor Foob
    Thank God that you’re not one

  41. cheech wizard
    May 3rd, 2007 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    Liz and Granthony aren’t even together yet and already he’s two-timing her. Jes’ another way of Lynn sayin’ that all men are scum.

  42. bootsybooks
    May 3rd, 2007 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    But there might be a Mrs. Clambake, or a Mrs. “curses on you” Von.

    I like Rusty too. He’s gap-toothed, he’s got “starey” down pat, and Elly would love him!

    Added Rusty bonus: He’d clean up after the animals. Butterscotch the bunny would grow to a weirdly huge size and THEN devour the Pattersons. Ooooh, I kinda like the way that looks in my head.

  43. Poteet
    May 3rd, 2007 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    # 25 & # 40 — Justafoob and gh, thanks a lot. I had barely recovered from Foobladi when I reached House of the Pattersons. Now I have to clean the screen AND the keyboard.

    # 30 — Blueberry, good point about sexual harassment. And by the way, Liz, if you do decide to crawl into a hole and die, I’m sure several of us on this site would be happy to chip in for something in a hypodermic that would speed the process along for you, out of the goodness of our hearts.

  44. smacky
    May 3rd, 2007 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    Let’s take it to the other FOOB extreme: “No-Name-Nice-Girl-Accountant” will be a stone fox… and an absolute whore. For some reason (head injury?) she finds Anthony to be the hottest thing with a pocket protector, and Liz will catch them in the parking lot of the church, mid BJ. As Liz runs away in tears, Anthony comically tries to follow, pants around his ankles, screaming “LIZ! PROMISE YOU’LL WAIT FOR ME!”

    Then he fires to office slut before she has a chance to file a lawsuit. Or he kills her and Good Ole Fatass Gordo helps dispose of the body to save his business.

  45. O’Fogeyette
    May 3rd, 2007 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    I vote for Chennux!

    Two yesterthreads ago Dean Booth: I LOVE the A3G strip. Spewed some iced coffee, I did.

    25 Justafoob: Yeah! Life goes on!

    40 gh: Excellent!

    I haven’t read the comics yet. Should I bother?

  46. Ellie M.
    May 3rd, 2007 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    Alas, would that Aldo were still with us! Though after Howard, Liz might not appreciate being kelrasted by another man, even one with honorable intentions.

    In the absence of dear departed Aldo, my vote is for Von. Dating Liz would at least distract him from his unhealthy obession with his sister.

  47. Edgy DC
    May 3rd, 2007 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    I think the latest setback for Liz is just a way for her to finally admit that the reason she picks losers in men is that she has not come to grips with being a lesbian. Look at her close female friends, though not gay, they have been less than mainstream. I look forward to seeing her at Shawna-Maries party with her special friend.

    The latest “setback” is just a precursor to Liz’s eventual return to my arms.

    Haters

  48. cheech wizard
    May 3rd, 2007 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    Is the emperor’s reptilehood not only large, but covered with sharp thorny bristles as well? In that case, he’s my choice for Liz.

  49. TransplantDuck
    May 3rd, 2007 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    I think Liz needs to hook up with Fireman Brad from Luann. At least he has his own house now. Moving back in with her parents,leaving home, job and boyfriend behind when she returned from the Great White North, ws of an order of stupidity usually only displayed by Dick Tracy villains when leaping to their own inevitable deaths. (The Queen of Hearts did it most recently when reducing herself to,uh, carbon, but The Brow did it firstwhen he leapt onto the American flagpole during WW II). Or,failing that,she could move in with Rob from Get Fuzzy while his animals argue over architectural design. He looks like he could use a nag like Liz to clean him up a little.

  50. michael farris
    May 3rd, 2007 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    I nominate professor Chinbeard. He satisfies the two basic requirements quit neatly.

    Hideous facial hair? Check.

    She’ll want to crawl in a hole and die after being seen in public with him? That’s a big check.

  51. gh
    May 3rd, 2007 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    #49 TransplantDuck

    I was thinking Rob Wilco too, but only so Bucky could intimidate the crap out of Liz’s Shitska or whatever the hell its name is.

  52. Nina
    May 3rd, 2007 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    #17 Jusafoob, NEVER! will rat get anywhere close to Liz. Unless it would be to eat her face off.

  53. AhClem
    May 3rd, 2007 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    There can be only one choice for Liz: Elvis. Now that his crackwhore girlfriend May has gone clean and is working as a receptionist in the Rex Clinic, he is on the market for a new squeeze.

    And if he hauls Liz off to the meth lab, it might explode and we’ll never see her again.

    I don’t see any downside to this.

  54. Poteet
    May 3rd, 2007 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    DT — That second panel seared my eyeballs. Facet has no thumb, just a fifth finger. Eww, eww, eww!

  55. Mibbitmaker
    May 3rd, 2007 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    Meanwhile, at A3G, LuAnn Powers continues her linger into permanent sleep. Suddenly, the door opens. A Canadian woman — a young lady with lips the size of canned hams, which look unnecessary on her despondent face — strolls in. Weakly, LuAnn croaks, “Are…are you here to save me?” The woman closes the door, twisting the lock on the knob. “No,” she sighs, laying down next to her, “…I’m here to join you.”

  56. Mack
    May 3rd, 2007 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    If Liz got together with Von, he’d inevitably cheat on her, but at least it would probably be with his sister. Those are the kind of family values I expect from FBoFW.

  57. Jusafoob
    May 3rd, 2007 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    #52 Nina. I think Rat would be perfect. A perfect foil for her “tender” psyche.

    He could get Liz to grab the rope and be swingin from Farley’s tree in a matter of days.

  58. MyBrainHurts
    May 3rd, 2007 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    Clambake sure is pissed about sports integration. Oh, for those heady salad days of pre-civil rights America! I myself wistfully recall my halcyon youth during the Cold War, when bomb shelters were cool and the military always had enough funding.

  59. gh
    May 3rd, 2007 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    #43 Poteet

    Did you know your nostrils flare irresistably when Pepsi shoots out of them (he says as a keyboard flies past his head)?

    ; – )

  60. Galevav
    May 3rd, 2007 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    I see Liz paired off with:

    Old Man Mozz. She’ll never see it coming, but he will. heh.

    Archie Andrews. I want to see Elly’s reaction to this wholesome, virginal, bland as hell boy-next-door with as much future ahead of him as Anthony, and hear her explain why it’s not the same.

    Monty. Because I hate her that much.

  61. Genevieve
    May 3rd, 2007 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    My Mother and I email each other regarding FOOB on a regular basis. (She is a big fan of yours) I would like to share an extract from an email she sent me: and in other news, FOOB is gonna make me sick. if it hasnt already.
    gil thorp, on the other hand, has just got me charmed. just call me clambake.

    So thank you FOOB for uniting our family in our disgust at the Patterson family.

  62. Different Dan
    May 3rd, 2007 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    Oh, God, I laughed so much when I saw Galactic Emperor Chennux in the lineup. (Can someone help me find the original picture?) Still, as much as I like him, I’m hoping Liz shows up with Clambake, as his penchant for hilariously depraved double entendre could easily be assimilated into the already pun-heavy Foobiverse to help liven things up.

    Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Sexually charged dialogue in FBoFW? HORRIFYING!!” And you’re right, it is. But the way I see it, we’re slated for horror anyway, so we might as well throw Clambake into the mix and also have things be interesting, for a change.

  63. Mibbitmaker
    May 3rd, 2007 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    Rex Morgan, after much more of his stalling technique as seen lately, finally makes it to the meeting. As he enters, June gives Rex a subtle “okay” sign, which he reciprocates with a quick, pleased grin.

    Hugh Avery seemed to be twitching a bit in the eye. “Sorry”, the arbiter of the company said, “but the deal is done. Sorry you don’t get control of the comp–” Hugh interupts — and erupts — “Dammit — no, wait! I don’t care anymore!” His manner was loud and hysterical: “I really don’t! I’m just g-g-glad to be rid of this fucking lunatic! Just… just keep me the hell AWAY from him! I’ve known better caretakers at ABU GRAIB! I’m outta here! Have your damn company! Ruin me, I don’t care!!

    As he leaves, Rex asks hurriedly, “But, Hugh, you need a lift somewhere?” Hugh whips his head around, possible whiplash be damned. “Wh-wh-WHAT? Morgan, what’s WRONG with you?!! Are you retarded or something??

    June: “He just–”

    Hugh: “NO!! I — I’ll WALK, thank you! I hope my feet friggin’ bleed!!” He slams the door hard enough to dislodge a photo from the wall on the other side of the room.

  64. Jusafoob
    May 3rd, 2007 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    Damn, if only Liz could make it to the school with Apewill. Apewill could introduce Liz to Shan…..non.

    The noble ‘tard could set her on the right road.

  65. td
    May 3rd, 2007 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    meta-comment:
    I really have no interest at all in pushing the fart button. And I’m insulted that anyone might suggest I want to. Just because I read the comics daily and few ever rise above the level of bathroom humor, that doesn’t mean I enjoy fart jokes or prevent me from longing for more.

  66. td
    May 3rd, 2007 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    clarification re 65:
    I long for more than bathroom humor, not for more jokes in the vein of bathroom humor.

  67. calico
    May 3rd, 2007 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    #330 – Girl candy for Anthon-ick, gross.
    There is probably a little couch for “resting” in his “done up right” office too. Accckk! Boxcar!

  68. Galevav
    May 3rd, 2007 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    In the interest of Snarking Diversity:

    Pirahnas W. T. F. No, I mean it.

    Curtis Uh oh, I can see some trouble brewing in the comic world, as Paw Paw battles with Clambake and Old Man Mozz for the title of the premier Wise Old Black Man Who Spouts Pithy Phrases.

    Lockhorns At first glance, it appears Leroy is shooting Loretta the finger. I think I’m right, or at least I prefer to think that way.

    OBH Later that day, James was led away in handcuffs in response to his outburst.

    Heathcliff I rarely visit Heathcliff and this is why. Can you imagine how the animals in the zoo feel to know this fat smartass cat is boppin’ around the visitor’s walkway, free to come and go as he pleases, with his owners paying his ticket? Who the hell brings their pets to the zoo, why don’t they DONATE him instead?
    Perhaps that is the plan…

  69. calico
    May 3rd, 2007 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    I meant post #30, not 330. Jesus X. Christo!

  70. Foobaphobe
    May 3rd, 2007 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    Come on, gang, have you forgotten the “throw the bouquet, toss the garter” ritual, common even to Canadian weddings? Although Anthony will be at the wedding with his subordinate, sluttish “girl,” and Liz will either go stag or with one of Lawrence’s gay buddies, they are destined to catch the ritualistically heaved items. As Anthony slips the garter up Liz’s leg, to the tune of “Take it Off,” their eyes will meet and her breast will heave and his moustache will curl. Canadian Kismet.

  71. True Fable
    May 3rd, 2007 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    #60 & 61 – Galevav my boy, Warn me when you’re going to be on my ‘puter, okay?

    Those were mine.

    TF

  72. T. Chicana
    May 3rd, 2007 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    Yeah! Liz totally needs a talk with Shannon. Get her freakin’ priorities straight, already! Sheesh. And I would not want to see her with Rob Wilco. I like him too much.

  73. True Fable
    May 3rd, 2007 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    dammit. I meant 60 & 71.

    I’m relapsing. Too much Foob at once.

  74. calico
    May 3rd, 2007 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    #73 – I understand completely.

  75. cartmansdad
    May 3rd, 2007 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    This is the best damn FOOB story arc in forever. First, Liz is burned by Paul, who not only shacks up with someone else but fails to tell her until she shows up for her town-wide humiliation. Then, she gets turned down by the ‘stache, who would prefer to go out with an accountant! She’s only like two steps away from a starring role in a German scat video! Awesome job Lynn.

  76. Jusafoob
    May 3rd, 2007 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    If Liz really wants Granthony, there is one sure fire date for her to bring, Howard Erk.

    Think of it, he will not be able to keep his hands off the foxy Liz who is going to be all decked out in technocolor spendor. Her cries will fall on deaf ears, except for the super hearing of Granthony who will be on Howard with titty twisters and purple nurples galore.

    When they pull him off the comatose (from laughing so hard at his attack) Erk, Granthony will look up and see Liz’s eyes that will be looking on him with such glowing admiration.

    **sigh**

    heaven

    ****HURLLLL*****

  77. Jusafoob
    May 3rd, 2007 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    If LJ really wants to tie up lose end characters, Granthony’s mystery date could be KORTNEY KRELBUTZ!!!!!

    Lovable, Innocent Granthony will not know of her past, but once Apewill explains just who she is and what she did to the Saint Patterson clan, Granthony will toss her out into the street and go sweep up Liz and make the wedding ceremony a double.

  78. O’Fogeyette
    May 3rd, 2007 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    DTGT: Does anyone know why the young alien in panel three is wearing earmuffs?

    MT: I actually can’t read this strip without ginormous wildlife cavorting around. I hope we get to the airport soon and see how John Hill handled the bird strike problem. My guess is he had a lot of 747 hangars built for them and locked them up.

    RMMD, JP: Wouldn’t it be awesome if EVERY strip featured a chauffeur and ungrateful scion? Like, Chauffeur Dagwood could pick up Mr. Dithers’ son and drive him around then serve him a big sandwich. Or Chauffeur Funky could pick up Montoni’s long-lost son and take him to a bar to get snockered. Or Chauffeur April could pick up a guest for the upcoming wedding and stop off for a little roadside action. The possibilities are endless.

  79. MonkeyHawk
    May 3rd, 2007 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    I need some assistance from someone with some photoshop skills so I can enter the Tyler sweepstakes.

    Can I send a self-portrait to someone who can fine-tune it?

  80. Stranger…
    May 3rd, 2007 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    GF: At first I thought Satch was suggesting he’d “google his throat”. Which seemed like an obscure threat to me:

    “Oh yeah, watch out or I’ll GOOGLE ™ your throat”
    “If I don’t YOUTUBE ™ your face first!”
    “You won’t be able to, after I MYSPACE ™ you all over the floor.”
    “Bring it on… If you want me to AOL ™ you…”
    “MSN ™ you!”

  81. Aunty Christ
    May 3rd, 2007 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    I know this is picky, but shouldn’t it be “Bachelor Trough” instead of “Buffet o’ Bachelors”?

  82. willethompson
    May 3rd, 2007 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    #79 MonkeyHawk – send it to me at margoboxcarsaturn@yahoo.com

  83. Rotts
    May 3rd, 2007 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    Her only real choice is ousted American Idol candidate Sanjia (sp?)

  84. Motorposus
    May 3rd, 2007 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    #77: Ooo, I love that idea!

  85. Vardibidian
    May 3rd, 2007 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    #78–Dagwood is already an ungrateful scion. Now, that would be a good set of strips, where the Bumsteads find out that the old man has finally died at the age of 130, and then the chauffeur turns out to be (a) a loaded Canadian with a crazy wife, or (2) a dawdling doctor with ulterior motives. Mr. Dithers is trying to force him out, and his son is going to some wedding with Liz Patterson. Oh, and cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer.

    Couldn’t Liz go to the wedding with Lio’s guardian/dad/older brother/strange person?

    Thanks,
    -V.

  86. Hogen Mogen
    May 3rd, 2007 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    Rex: Some financial advice – if your buddy Heather gets control of the company, sell your stock fast. Short it thereafter. Sell your calls and buy your puts. This tech is going to tank.

  87. Islamorada Girl
    May 3rd, 2007 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    3G: My aunt used to say [so and so] “was too stupid to live”. Watching LuAnn asphyxiate herself for four months, count them four, I finally understand what she was talking about. Die, LuAnn, die!

    Poteet, I’ll see you at the wedding! I’m wearing my chartreuse, cap- sleeved
    watered polyester sateen gown with the huge tulle waltz-length skirt and the pink bow on the back the size of an Escalade. With the dyed to match pink pumps. Save me a seat!

  88. MossMoses
    May 3rd, 2007 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    77. JustAFooob, you undoubtedly are referring to the evil bad cheque writing Kourtney. She lied, cheated and stole from a saintly Patterson. The wages of that sin are eternal damnation. She will be an extra crispy oven stuffer roaster in the eternal hellfire where her type end up. The only problem with Kourtney going out with Glandthony is that evildoers in Foobland disappear off the face of the earth after doing their evil. Have you heard from the Klepfroths lately? What’s become of Howard Erk? How about the evil kids who tried to steal the model train from Saint Elly’s store? It’s like nacht unt nebel where they disappear into the night and fog never to be heard from again.

    People pick on Glandthony a lot without realizing he has a preexisting genetic problem, an excess of bland non–mucin-secreting cells or “bland glands”. He does bland glands up right!

  89. marykat
    May 3rd, 2007 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    I think we are missing an obvious choice here: Gerald! The real reason he and Apes didn’t go through with anything isn’t that “they didn’t have time” as she thought, but that she just didn’t have the enormous ass her sister does. Gerald is nothing if he isn’t an ass man. Unless he’s a hat man, but he just doesn’t seem like Margo’s type.

    And #80 Stranger: I could definitely see that dialog happening in that strip, but more likely initiated by Bucky!

  90. Jusafoob
    May 3rd, 2007 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    The Kelpfroths went through their extra crispy oven stuffer roaster event with the Pattersons. They may be on the way to reform.

    THUMP! THUMP! THUMP!

    or not

  91. Albuqwirkymom
    May 3rd, 2007 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    I’m not sure whether to be amused or horrified at the thought of Liz and Clambake going roadside.

    And where’s finger-quotin’ Margo to discuss Shawna-Marie’s “cream” dress?

  92. Poteet
    May 3rd, 2007 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    # 59 — HAR!! But don’t worry, gh — I just saw an article on laughter therapy in the paper, so I’m going to start deducting the time and cost of keyboard cleaning as a medical expense, rather than hurling the keyboard.

    # 87 — Islamorada Girl, I can hardly wait. Our dresses are going to look bee-YOOtiful sitting next to each other. And you’ve helped me make up my mind — I’m going to wear the puce pumps with little yellow bows.

  93. Poteet
    May 3rd, 2007 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    (DT)GT — This is a purely theoretical question, since I can’t imagine any circumstance that would cause me to start reading this strip. (Well, okay, obscenely huge amounts of cash, maybe.)

    Anyway, the question is — would someone like me, who is really ignorant about sports, be able to understand this strip even if I tried? I know a little about baseball, but basketball, football, and all other team sports, plus golf, are total mysteries. So would I be handicapped even if the GT faces didn’t scare me and make my brain hurt?

  94. Albuqwirkymom
    May 3rd, 2007 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    FOOB is contagious. (Sorry for crap spelling).

    But I would like to point out that “foob” has invaded other comic strips.

    http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/fun/retail.asp

  95. Anon
    May 3rd, 2007 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    There are the stages of curmudgeonly behavior here that all new curmudgeons go through:

    1) I will never ever, read any of the soap strips. I will not waste my time. And I will only read the quality strips that are out there.

    2) Ok, I will read the sunday strips, just to keep up on the story, but I will not become a Plugger.

    3) Man, if I don’t keep up with Mary Worth every day, I might miss part of Aldomania.

    4) June has such a nice rack, I better check that out.

    6) Sigh, the Houston Chronicle called and asked me to stop using up so much of their bandwidth. People are trying to read the news, it seems. Foobs

    7) I just got my suggestion printed in TDIET!!!!! Scaduto likes me, he really likes me!!!!!

    8) Did you ever notice how your pants keep shrinking in the wash? They just keep getting tighter and tighter. I am going to have to go talk to my wife, as soon as she gets done pecking up the feed in the yard.

    And so it goes……

  96. Original Lee
    May 3rd, 2007 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    I think the best choice for Liz is Hector from Zits. He is a good boy of whom Elly will approve but has recently discovered the joys of going roadside.

    Alternatively, Carlos from MW is another good choice. Liz could live at Charterstone and get dating advice from Mary. At least it wouldn’t be worse than what her parents are telling her!

  97. eliza
    May 3rd, 2007 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    I think Liz should hook up with Len from Funky Winkerbean.

    Pros: Fellow teacher and academic. Plus, his wife will be dead soon.

    Cons: Has more emotional baggage than all the FOOBs combined. Further, marrying Len and entering his world will almost guarantee a horrific and sudden death.

  98. eliza
    May 3rd, 2007 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    Er, make that Les. Merely writing about Funky Winkerbean invokes brain trauma and confusion.

  99. Paperback Rifler
    May 3rd, 2007 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    93. Poteet: In the case of Gil Thörp, familiarity with sports really does not help make the strip any less incomprehensible or bizarre. For example, today’s first panel caption (“Milford handles Tilden. Next stop — the Bucket!”) is going to sound vaguely obscene whether or not you know anything about sports.

    As a matter of fact, since the GT writers might not actually know much about sports either, you might be their ideal audience. Or you would be if the [Margoquote] “artwork” [/Margoquote] didn’t upset you so terribly, which is the same effect that it has on anyone who has eyes that work.

  100. Perky Bird
    May 3rd, 2007 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    “Next stop–The Bucket!”

    Wouldn’t you love to see the winning quarterback after the Super Bowl answer with that?
    Announcer: “Mr. Manning, you just won the Super Bowl! What are you going to do now?”
    Peyton Manning: “I’m going to The Bucket!”

  101. Rebochan
    May 3rd, 2007 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

    I nominate Clambake as Liz’s bachelor. At least she can learn some kind of vague batting advice while continuing to not sleep with him.

  102. O’Fogeyette
    May 3rd, 2007 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    92 Poteet: I’ve only been reading DTGT for a few weeks, but I can say (and I’m sure many others will agree) that NOTHING about the strip makes any sense, including the sports contests. My theory is that the characters are aliens, trying desperately to fit in with earthly ways. They probably discovered us through old tv programs, especially such as Golf Channel, Monday Night Football, and Major League Baseball. So they know a little bit about sports, but certainly not enough for any of their sports talk to make any sense to any level of aficionado. I would suggest that if you view DTGT in this light, it will make your brain hurt somewhat less.

  103. WithoutaK
    May 3rd, 2007 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    GF: My god, I ♥ Darby Conley. (And while I did google yesterday’s Petronas Towers, I didn’t even bother today; if he has to acknowledge within the strip that it’s obscure, why bother?)

    RMMD: I do not ♥ Rex Morgan. If he can’t do his part without acting like he’s got his panties in a wad, then I want no part of this. I’m officially on Team Hugh (even though I know it’s too late, dammit).

    JP: More money-grubbing sons! This better be more interesting than the Avery clan’s shenanigans.

    Luann: I can’t tell if Brad is being sarcastic or stupid. Either way I liked the end result.

  104. Herro!
    May 3rd, 2007 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    Let’s consider the implications of the Foobiverse being based on actual, real people. If there is a real-life Liz Patterson, does that mean this drama has already unfolded in our universe? Does that mean–gasp–that there is actually an Anthony? Does it mean that somewhere, in the world, there are people who ACTUALLY name their children “Shawna-Marie”???

    ::faints::

  105. ohyes
    May 3rd, 2007 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    Anthony: “You do good work. Your projection of muffler inventory costs seems highly accurate. I may be able to help your career – especially in the immediate future, since you work for me, heh! Say, would you like to attend a wedding with me? It’ll just be an all-day formal affair. Great! And Gordo’s great-aunt passed away, would you like to go to the funeral with me?”

  106. Big Stu
    May 3rd, 2007 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    Will Granthony get with the new girl from accounting or Liz?

    One way or another, Granthony’s moustache is going to look like a glazed donut by the end of that wedding.

  107. AhClem
    May 3rd, 2007 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    #106 Big Stu -
    You owe me a new keyboard and monitor. And wash the walls while you’re at it, willya?

  108. Tweeks_Coffee
    May 3rd, 2007 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    MT: I will be ever so grateful if John Hill’s big solution was that he personally walked the runways with a .45. Quickly eliminating any birds that would stray too close before they could tragically die in a jet engine.

    Then Mark would get to punch out another armed man, which we all know never gets old.

  109. queek
    May 3rd, 2007 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    101: ” I nominate Clambake as Liz’s bachelor. At least she can learn some kind of vague batting advice while continuing to not sleep with him.”

    how is Clambake at giving advice on switch-hitting?

    can he help her see that Liz really should be batting for the “other” team?

    *ponders*

  110. gnome de blog
    May 3rd, 2007 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    Re #39, #87:
    Now that the Tyler Look-alike Contest is winding down, Pope Josh ought to consider a Shawna-Marie Bridesmaid Dress competition!

    Best approximation of a Foobian bridesmaid gets to escort G.E.Chennux to the wedding (provided his Galactic Overlordness chooses to spurn Elizabeth) and to unleash the magmacannon on the foob of his/her choice.

  111. Tomcat
    May 3rd, 2007 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Toni ain’t gonna like this. Neither is Luann.

  112. Tweeks_Coffee
    May 3rd, 2007 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

    #109 – queek

    Well, we know he’s big aficionado of holes and hole related advice. Maybe some of it will rub off. (Ugh, now I feel utterly filthy.)

  113. True Fable
    May 3rd, 2007 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

    #87 Islamorada Girl & #92 Poteet my Queen – I will see if I can exhume my cousin’s ungodly two-tone blue tuxedo circa 1977 from its last known resting place in the back of my aunt’s guest closet (because fashion never goes out of style but good taste apparently lapses into periodic comas.) I will be happy to share the misery of the Foobacalypse moment with you ladies at a (mercifully) out of the way pew in the back of the church.

    The jacket’s ginormous crayon blue wing-like peaked lapels more or less match one of the shades in the brazenly sparkly cumberbund, while the powder-blue coat and pants will hang off my frame like the shroud of my tattered dignity. Perhaps I can coax the defiance back into the ruffles of the powder-blue dress shirt, but shame is shame and I doubt any enthusiasm will be forthcoming from it.

    Alas, the literal blue suede shoes that tripped the light fantastic as well as the power cord that lit the balsa-and-paper Eiffel Tower for my cousin’s Evening in Paris Prom, will not be with us. The left shoe suffered a massive pee stain and the right shoe was chewed to shreds five years later by his playful Dalmation.

    IF it is still there, of course; if my aunt did not donate it to charity when my cousin realized disco was dead and tacky has a half-life measured in eons.

    I usually only wear black tuxes, but for Liz and Granthony’s big day I am willing to show my true regard for LJ’s Foobdom.

  114. MonkeyHawk
    May 3rd, 2007 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    It just makes sense Chennux should be Lizardbreath’s “escort.”

    We already know he has the dress to wear.

  115. Islamorada Girl
    May 3rd, 2007 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

    113: True Fable, I cannot speak for my sisterwoman Poteet, but I have just swooned at your description of your Riverboat Florentine Disco
    tuxedo, and I would truly love to have you as our “escort”, if Poteet Your Queen agrees. Pending her consent, pencil us in your dance card for “The Alley Cat” and “The Macarena.” You know they’re going to play those, you just know it. I”m saving “The Chicken Dance” for the Emp Chennux.

    And the three of us must get smashed up mad drunk and fall into

    the chocolate fountain at the reception.

    Psst–Poteet–are your wearing your rhinestone tiara? I am!

  116. gnome de blog
    May 3rd, 2007 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

    #87, #92, #113
    I’d be pleased to join you as well, although a black tuxedo is the best I can do and my ruffled shirt is, alas, white. Perhaps I could drive the car and carry the Luger.

  117. O’Fogeyette
    May 3rd, 2007 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

    I would love to go too, though am not sure I own anything tasteless enough to wear. Maybe, since I’m an old bat, I could borrow one of my gorgeous young niece’s revealing outfits and come as the granny who thinks she’s still hot. Though actually, I AM still hot.

  118. O’Fogeyette
    May 3rd, 2007 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    Oh, and goodnight for now. See y’all in the AM with coffee.

  119. Uncle Lumpy
    May 3rd, 2007 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

    Research on pluggers, from this morning’s Wall Street Journal:

    “Earlier research showed that Dunkin’ customers had a distinctly unpretentious attitude and disliked more stylized chains. . . . Dunkin’ began referring to its customers as members of the Dunkin’ tribe.”*

    The article describes new research, based on questions like “is it important to live an upscale lifestyle”, and “do you use your looks to get ahead”, that indicates one-third of the country belong to the “Dunkin’ tribe.”

    * Janet Adamy, “Dunkin’ Donuts Whips Up a Recipe for Expansion” The Wall Street Journal, 3 May 2007, B3.

  120. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    May 3rd, 2007 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

    I’m afraid I do not have appropriate formalwear for this foobish occasion, since bricks do not typically attend weddings. They typically don’t wear clothes, either, for that matter. But I am available and willing to be heaved at a certain bridesmaid’s noggin, if anyone is so inclined.

  121. Islamorada Girl
    May 3rd, 2007 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

    Gnome, O’F, Brick—come along! Gnome, we can get you a stunning lavender tux down to the Goodwill. Black tie is just too tasteful for this event, and now that prom season is drawing to a close, the racks should be full of colorful menswear of the sort not seen since The Temptations broke up. I am sure Ms. O’F can find some mutton dressed as lamb roadside wear there, too. And Brick, you’ll look totally faboo as you sail across the room wearing the bride’s dollar dance money bag, smashing into the cranium of the whitest white man in the universe, Blandthony Caine!
    We can all meet up around the corner of the Graceland Tiki Versailles Wedding Reception Palace where the dope smokers are fortifying themselves before the event starts.

  122. Ferd Berfel
    May 3rd, 2007 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

    While the Self-Clubbing Tyler Action Figure is indeed a work of unbridled genius – the Guggenheim will be calling soon, Mr. Booth – I’d also like to thank all our fellow Curmudgeoners who’ve sent in pictures of themselves in Curmudgeon gear and have participated in the various Curmudgeon contests.

    The gentlemen modeling RMMD’s ‘Frank’ hat never fails to bring a smile to my face no matter how badly my day is going, while the young lady in the “I’ll deny you Missy” shirt with the decidely homocidial expression always sparks a delightful frisson of fear in me.

    You’ve all done very well!

  123. CrabbyGenes
    May 3rd, 2007 at 7:15 pm [Reply]

    to #61 Genevieve: I am curious as to how old your mother is (and no, you needn’t tell me unless you want to). I say this because the last time I was home, my mom got seriously mad when I started dissing FBOFW, and declared, “It’s still the best strip in the newspaper!” So I shut up, and warned my sister by email not to badmouth FOOB to Mom the next time she was home. After that, my sister found this website and introduced me to it.

    Anyway, my mom is 79 now. I am wondering if all people in her age group love FBOFW? I would love to discover an older person (okay, older than me, and I am in my fifties) who hates FOOB.

    But since anyone who wants to respond to this might have to reveal his/her age, I don’t expect to get too many replies.

  124. Chat Noir
    May 3rd, 2007 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

    There’s one benefit to Anthony goin’ a-wooin’ for the weddin’. He’ll need to hire a babysitter for widdle Francie. April may yet get to take that trip roadside….

  125. Spiny Norman
    May 3rd, 2007 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    There is no question that G.E. Chennux is the perfect groom for Liz. First reason: Anyone who speaks in ALL CAPS is perfect for a world WHICH DOES NOT UNDERSTAND SUBTLETY. Second reason: Liz’s ass already looks like a potato, and he will therefore devour her before having to consummate the marriage. Third reason: He can magmacannon the entire surviving Patterson family and associated hangers-on in a flaming cataclysm. On the FOOB website, the charred bits in the background will actually move outward from the blast point. A small tear will form in the corner of my eye at the beauty of it all. No better way to end the strip.

  126. Poteet
    May 3rd, 2007 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

    # 99 & # 102 — Thank you, Paperback and O’F. Your cogent explanations are very helpful. Now I know that sports ignorance is irrelevant. Maybe after a couple more weeks of DT, I’ll be brave or foolhardy enough to start thinking about peeking at (DT)GT.

    # 122 — Thank you, Mr. Grace! (Ferd, that is.)

  127. AhClem
    May 3rd, 2007 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

    I knew that salmon-colored sport jacket would come in handy some day. Too bad my ex tossed it out years ago, along with the orange and white plaid pants. I can think of few things more appropriate for the Foobloatharian nuptuals.

  128. Poteet
    May 3rd, 2007 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

    # 113, # 115, # 116, # 117, # 120 — Sir Fable MTK, Islamorada Girl, gnome, O’F, Spider-Brick, I’m really looking forward to this wedding now! Of course there’s the small possibility that by combining two-toned blue, chartreuse and pink, puce and yellow, lavender, and colors yet unknown, we might accidently cause this dimension of the universe to shimmer violently and then collapse upon itself. But that’s a small risk to take, I say. And I-Girl, since you are wearing your tiara, I’ll wear a small one myself. My lorgnette has a few rhinestones, so I’ll wave it occasionally while dancing, especially if the band plays “Love Shack.”

  129. True Fable
    May 3rd, 2007 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

    #128 My queen, if we can’t dazzle them with our brilliance, we will baffle them with bullshit! XD

    I have a white sport coat and a pink crustaeceon if there are any fellow Parrotheads who need Foobian wedding threads. AhClem? Are you game?

    So instead of an outraged march on Toronto, we will all cheerfully goose Lizard and Cinnabun down the aisle to split-level hell. This is going to be a GREAT summer!

  130. Ukulele Ike
    May 3rd, 2007 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

    Of COURSE Tiffany and Brad are going to hit it off (making the sphinxlike Toni Daytona crazy jealous).

    After all, they have the MOST important thing in common — they both really hate Luann.

  131. Poteet
    May 3rd, 2007 at 8:17 pm [Reply]

    Foob Wedding — And as long as we’re planning our outfits, maybe we should put together our predictions/hopes for reception music. So far, we have:

    The Alley Cat
    The Macarena
    The Chicken Dance
    Love Shack

    And based on what it sometimes inspires on reception dance floors, I’d add “Wooly Bully.”

  132. Ribinin
    May 3rd, 2007 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

    I have found out that there is still a nice room rate for the wedding weekend at Radisson Hotel Toronto East. There is a high-speed internet connection. It is a little way from the actual wedding but there are going to be a few of us, and we can caravan to to the wedding.

    Mention the name “Chennux” to get the galactic rate.

  133. Trotzenbonnie
    May 3rd, 2007 at 8:28 pm [Reply]

    Since Poteet mentioned “Love Shack”, I’m in. Can I wear my moldy “Cabaret” outift from Mardi Gras 2003? I’ll get a pastel hatband for my bowler so I can blend.

    Speaking of Canadian weddings, can anyone explain this:
    http://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic347367-21-1.aspx

  134. Trotzenbonnie
    May 3rd, 2007 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    Poteet-
    OOOh! Songs!
    Howzabout ‘Cotton Eye Joe’ and ‘Mony Mony’ with the obscene alternative lyrics.

  135. Anonymous
    May 3rd, 2007 at 8:33 pm [Reply]

    #123 My ma is about Elly’s age and while she rolls her eyes at the comic quite often, she still gets wistful sometimes when she reads it. I’m a wild-and-crazy young person who moved far from home for a job after college and she’s always like, “Look! Liz moved home after her adventures! Why don’t you come back?” She thinks Anthony is a dork, but lately has been talking an awful lot about this guy I was friends with in HS because “he’s just so nice and hardworking!” and I’m like, “Uh, I saw him when I was home last Christmas. He’s kind of an alcoholic now.”

    She was also SHOCKED by the development that Mike would buy his parents’ house, and thought it was very sweet that he would raise his kids there.

    I don’t have quite the same hatred for FOOB that a lot of people do (I loved and defended it as recently as a Liz’s decision to move back home, and even before that thought it was an outstanding strip), so I try not to pick on my ma too much about it.

  136. Islamorada Girl
    May 3rd, 2007 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

    My tiara-
    headed fooblyterian schanenfreude will be complete if they have an Elvis impersonator as a wedding singer. I certainly hope “Clambake” is on the song list.
    Other probable musical horrors must include:
    “Close to You” (or anything by the Carpenters)
    “The Wedding Song” (Peter, Paul and Mary version)
    “At Last” (the Celine Dion version, never Etta James)

    And if the bride choses to sing herself, and some do:

    “I’d Rather Have Jesus.”

  137. Poteet
    May 3rd, 2007 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

    # 132 — Thanks, Ribinin! “Chennux” it is!

    # 134 — Trotzenbonnie, I think your Cabaret outfit would work beautifully with what we’re putting together here. So would ‘Cotton Eye Joe’ and ‘Mony Mony’. As for what you found, I can’t explain it, but it made me snort milk all over my keyboard.

  138. Ann Murray
    May 3rd, 2007 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

    What about me?
    When is the last time you went to a wedding without hearing “Could I Have This Dance?”, eh?

  139. Poteet
    May 3rd, 2007 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

    # 136 — BWAHAHA! Excellent!

  140. Non-Shannon
    May 3rd, 2007 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    Oooh! I wanna go to the wedding too! I’ll be the one wearing the Fredrick’s of Hollywood cutout dress with fingerless white mesh gloves and a swirled beehive hairdo. I will do the honorable thing and sacrifice myself to Granthony, seducing him with brazen harlotry. Later, after I’ve experienced (gak) Anthony’s tepid version of “passion,” I shall dispatch him in the manner of a proud lady mantis and feast on his brain-bits (carefully avoiding the ‘stachal area).

  141. CrabbyGenes
    May 3rd, 2007 at 8:51 pm [Reply]

    to #135 Anonymous (whoever you are, really): Thanks for your perspective, and I found your comments about your situation entertaining. (Any others out there care to comment? I’m still looking for a person over the age of, say 75, who hates FOOB.)

    Just for the record, I’m a former FBOFW fan too, who can’t stand to see what has happened to it. I have all the book collections, and still enjoy reading the older ones. I keep quiet about my Foob disillusionment to my daughters (ages 18 and 22) because I read the strips to them when they were growing up, and I don’t want to ruin it for them now. If they start disliking it on their own, that’s another matter.

    If Johnston ever got back some of her old snark, or if Liz DIDN’T end up with Anthony, I might be the first to cheer her (Johnston) on (though I would have to completely ignore Michael’s monthly letters in order to do that…)

  142. Poteet
    May 3rd, 2007 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

    And now I’m remembering a long-ago wedding in which the groom was a guy I used to date (and the only one I knew at the wedding, being as how I was not invited to bring an escort), and the bride was rather strange (they divorced not long after), and I had the worst toothache of my life (root canal the following day). And the first-dance song was ‘Time In A Bottle.’ I’m putting it on the list..

  143. Cedar
    May 3rd, 2007 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

    Oh how embarrassing #135 was me. Not that I’m popular or well-known enough here for anyone to really care.

  144. Poteet
    May 3rd, 2007 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

    # 140 — Welcome, Non-Shannon! That dress and a swirled beehive will be killer. (Even apart from what you plan for Granthony:-).

  145. CrabbyGenes
    May 3rd, 2007 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

    To all the commenters happily anticipating the upcoming wedding–its songs, what you will wear, etc–: Great comments, but aren’t you sort of jumping the gun here? Why not save all this effort for the REAL shindig–the wedding of Granthony and Liz?

    But then (as other people have commented), we may all end up missing that event, because Josh’s server will break down from having to deal with thousands of snarkers in pain, rather than hundreds…

    I just had a vision of the big day in store, probably in August. (Oh God, NOOOO! Not August!! That’s when my own wedding anniversary is!) No doubt all the major newspapers will run stories on the wedding, and on THE END OF FOOB AS WE KNOW IT…sort of like the big Dagwood anniversary celebration a few years back.

  146. Cerebus
    May 3rd, 2007 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

    I’d like to Liz paired up with a resurrected Aldo!

  147. CrabbyGenes
    May 3rd, 2007 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

    #135, #143 Oh, Cedar, that was you! Sorry I didn’t realize. By the way, thanks for the Cinnamon Bun strip links earlier. (Don’t remember if it was this thread or yester-thread) I had kind of forgotten where the Anthony-Cinnamon Bun thing came from, and was glad to be reminded.

  148. Justafoob
    May 3rd, 2007 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

    Man, if only had a “gift” for writing like Mike.

    The perfect line for Granthony would have been, “You were dating Warren, Liz. I couldn’t wait. I not getting any younger, you know.”

  149. Ribinin
    May 3rd, 2007 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

    CrabbyGenes @ 145 – Oh I plan to go that that as well, but it is a long way off. And any chance for a party is a chance for a party.

  150. Islamorada Girl
    May 3rd, 2007 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

    Maybe Widdle Fwancie will be the flower girl and pee all over her cute widdle dwess. . . saw that once. Never put a two year old in a wedding. It’s cruel to all concerned.

    Don’t forget “Unchained Melody”.

    And someone’s sweaty cousin playing the accordian. Badly.
    Playing “Louie, Louie”, of course. And Aunt Hester fainting because everyone under 60 is singing the dirty version.

  151. Blade Runner
    May 3rd, 2007 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

    #7, #25, and # 40: Excellent song parodies.
    Also a nice interview with Brooke McEldowney by the NPR. Just follow the link at Brook’s home page. It takes a while to load.

  152. AhClem
    May 3rd, 2007 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

    #129 True Fable,
    If I can’t find anything in lavender that fits when I visit the Unique Thrift Store this weekend, I’ll take you up on your offer.

    I also have a friend who plays banjo who wants to sit in with the band. You should hear his Scruggs-style version of “Y.M.C.A.” (“L.C.J.H.” in Quebec).

  153. gh
    May 3rd, 2007 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

    You want to talk tuxes? I’ve only ever worn one, to my senior prom, but it was a beaut — perfect for the upcoming wedding, if I could only lay my hands on it again. It was, of course, blue. Not powder blue, but several shades of blue. Patterned, like it was cut from a Belgian tapestry or perhaps a remnant of flocked wallpaper from a bathroom at Versailles. A most excellent tux. As attending the prom was my mother’s dying wish [as in If you don't go, I'll die] I figured I had to contribute something to the effort. My sister set me up with her friend to whom I had never spoken, and as a get-to-know-you pre-prom date I took her to see The Godfather, which had just come out. I can still remember turning to her after the scene where the satin sheets are whisked away revealing the severed horse’s head and saying, “You know, maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.” It was pretty much down hill from there. But to this day, my mother sleeps peacefully, knowing that her son Went To The Prom.

  154. Justafoob
    May 3rd, 2007 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

    I am glad, gh, that you went to the prom so your mom is sleeping peacefully and not with the fishes.

  155. The Avocado Avenger
    May 3rd, 2007 at 9:52 pm [Reply]

    Randy’s description as “gay, could be dead” is the funniest thing I’ve read in a while. I’m not just saying that because I read Mary Worth and Gil Thorp too much, either.

    I really think Liz should marry Randy and become this century’s Liza Minelli.

    #134 – Cotton Eye Joe’s regular lyrics aren’t obscene? Wow. If they’re not obscene, then I have no idea what the song is about.

  156. Justafoob
    May 3rd, 2007 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

    Just noticed that there is an ad running on this here site for some service called Chemistry, which appears to be a dating service.

    I hate to break it to the execs over there at Chemistry, but Liz is a fictional, cartoon character. I don’t think you will get much business from her, even with all the hits you get from this here site making seem like it is populated with a bunch of desperate, young women who need a date for the prom.

    Nothing could be further from the truth. All the curmudgeons are in healthy, fruitful, relationships and don’t need dating help. Well, not all of us. Some are doomed to live in our parents basement, with the only chance of ever having someone look at us “that” way were if we the last man/woman (or man/bear/dog IFF you are a Plugger) in the world.

    Sigh………

  157. Galactic Emperor Chennux®™©
    May 3rd, 2007 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

    ATTENTION EARTHERS! EVACUATE YOUR BOWELS IN DESPAIR! CHENNUS SPEAKS!

    1) THE POTATOES YOU OFFER ARE SUBSTANDARD! THEY NEED TO BE PARBOILED AND PEELED FOR PROPER USE IN POTATO SALAD!

    2) MARY WORTH HAS WON TOO EASILY! SHE MUST TORTURE THE ONE CALLED VERA AND…

    (…what the fleeping blurtz?)

    CHENNUX IS A NOMINEE AS LIZARDBREATH’S BEAUX? SWEEEEET! THERE IS MUCH DESPAIR THERE! DELICIOUS DESPAIR! CHENNUX LOOKS FORWARD TO THE WEDDING MATING DANCE AND RITUAL WITH THE SKXCRITORT AFLAME AND THE EARTHERS COWERING! HAHA!

    MEANWHILE,KINGKLASH! DIDN’T MEAN TO SCAR YOU! THE MAGMACANNONS WERE KIND OF… WELL, YOU KNOW… SELF-INFLICTED…

    #132 RIBININ: WHEN IN TORONTO, CHENNUX STAYS AT THE ROYAL YORK! MUCH BETTER SUBWAY ACCESS AND YOU’RE JUST STEPS FROM YONGE STREET!

    #140 NON-SHANNON: FEAST WELL, MY LOVELY! BUT REMEMBER THAT ANTHONY’S BRAINS ARE NOT A MEAL, BUT A SNACK! HAHA!

    END TRANSMISSION!

  158. Trotzenbonnie
    May 3rd, 2007 at 10:12 pm [Reply]

    #153 – gh
    Boy, did you take the wrong girl to the dance. If anybody took me on a pre-prom date to see the Godfather, we’d wind up playing “Sonny and the bridesmaid” before the night was over. It was just the greatest movie ever! I love it so much my baby brother sent this to me for Christmas:
    http://www.thegreenhead.com/2006/10/godfather-horse-head-pillow.php
    Your tux must have been a sight to see. Sounds way too suave for high school girls all decked out in their satin Gunne Sax.

  159. stinky pete
    May 3rd, 2007 at 10:13 pm [Reply]

    Chennus? See it before you say it, big fella.

  160. Poteet
    May 3rd, 2007 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

    # 153 — gh, it’s worth some suffering to make your mother happy, and I’ll bet she was really smiling when you left for the prom that night. And that tux sounds amazing.

    # 157 — Your Snarking Excellency, I think a flaming skxcritort would add enormously to Shawna-Marie’s wedding. So to speak.

    # 158 — BWAHAHA! Trotzenbonnie, could we go in on that severed horse head as a wedding present for Lizard and Angsthony should occasion arise? Please?

  161. Red Greenback
    May 3rd, 2007 at 10:49 pm [Reply]

    I’m going to wear a perky chiffon top with puffy sleeves, ribbed knit dirndl and a matching Pucci scarf. And a zircon-encrusted eyepatch ’cause I hate it when someone else shows up wearing the same ensemble as me.

  162. Dean Booth
    May 3rd, 2007 at 10:52 pm [Reply]

    Seeing the HWTAF in today’s metapost made me feel (as Hawthorne said when being lavishly praised for his Melville whale-whacking figure) “all covered from head-to-toe in molasses.” Thanks for the kind words.

    I have to vote for Clambake taking Liz to the wedding. He could take her to the Bucket and hold court. If Liz went with Von, it would be months before they actually arrived.

    GT: Ken’s remark “I live in 2007. I don’t need to hear about 60 years ago.” clearly reflects the philosophy of GT’s creators: “I’m drawing panel 3, I don’t need to know what happened in panel 1!”

  163. Herro!
    May 3rd, 2007 at 10:56 pm [Reply]

    My ma is about Elly’s age and while she rolls her eyes at the comic quite often, she still gets wistful sometimes when she reads it. I’m a wild-and-crazy young person who moved far from home for a job after college and she’s always like, “Look! Liz moved home after her adventures! Why don’t you come back?” She thinks Anthony is a dork, but lately has been talking an awful lot about this guy I was friends with in HS because “he’s just so nice and hardworking!” and I’m like, “Uh, I saw him when I was home last Christmas. He’s kind of an alcoholic now.”

    She was also SHOCKED by the development that Mike would buy his parents’ house, and thought it was very sweet that he would raise his kids there.

    I don’t have quite the same hatred for FOOB that a lot of people do (I loved and defended it as recently as a Liz’s decision to move back home, and even before that thought it was an outstanding strip), so I try not to pick on my ma too much about it.

    I have the same thing going on. I’m so glad my mom doesn’t read FOOB. I did the move-away-from-home thing, the “exciting new job in a new place with brown people” thing, and the dating-outside-my-race thing. The worst she’s ever pulled was “We have a Chinese restaurant here! There are actual Chinese people that work there! You like Orientals, you should move back home!”

  164. alamo
    May 3rd, 2007 at 11:12 pm [Reply]

    foobville — liz should just go alone, by herself, an’ show them, all of them, that she is above all the petty meaningless relationships thing, an’ all, an’, an’ then she, she’ll show them ,an’, an’ then she can go back to mtiigiawatikiville an’ show warren an’ two-timin’ guy there, an’ his two-timin’ girlfriend an’, an’, all of them there too, an’ an’……………….yeah.

  165. Gap-toothed Starey "Hoooo!" Guy
    May 3rd, 2007 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

    Oh, Justafoob, you beat me to my brilliant hypothesis that the Mystery Accountant (TM) will turn out to be Kortney. Margo! Oh well . . . I’ll just say that, if that does turn out to be the case, then FOOB will be at least partially redeemed in my eyes. What would be even more awesome is if Anthony announced his engagement to Kortney at the wedding. Then I would be certain that the past few years have all been one big, cruel, deeply cynical joke on LJ’s part.

    Oh yeah, before I forget . . . HOOOOOO!

  166. Jamus The Bartender
    May 3rd, 2007 at 11:18 pm [Reply]

    FOOB Sidebar: Luckily, my mom and my sister have always been supportive of me leaving home. Truth is, we all left home when I was twenty to start a gamebird farm. Said gamebird farm didn’t fly, but they’re still in the northwoods. Usually the worst I get is “You could meet someone nice up here in the northwoods” from my other sister, the one with the three kids, but I know it’s just a ploy to have another babysitter around.

  167. AAckTTpth
    May 3rd, 2007 at 11:28 pm [Reply]

    133 – What’s the question, trotzenbonnie?

    There is a trend to do personalized water bottles, wine labels, etc. for weddings, depending on what part of Canada you are in. BC, for example, is big into the DIY wine and wine labels (click through to some of the wine suppliers here to see: http://www.canadaweddingdirectory.ca/bc/vancouver/vancouver_wedding_caterers.php – try Mosaic Winemakers).

    More information can be found on the Internet (or just ask me).

  168. Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
    May 3rd, 2007 at 11:36 pm [Reply]

    Brad DeGroot from “Luann” should be Liz’s new boy-toy. He’ll never be a man; she’ll never make him one.

    And speaking of sexism: typical living-in-the-fifties of LJ to have Granthony “dating” an employee he (presumably) supervises. With any luck, he’ll get sloppy drunk, crying and whining about how Liz just won’t give him the time of day, then start babbling about how Ms. New Employee will surely understand, will surely treat him better, will surely not mind his cinnamon’n’stale-beer-scented ‘stache in its attempts to semi-consciously graze sloppily the area immediately north of the proud twin cities of Nipplestan – Ms. New Employee who proves to have an actual backbone, punches him in the nuts, and sues his ass from here to next December.

    #93 Queen Poteet: (DT)GT plots make no sense even if you’re a professor of sportsology, so don’t worry about that. Worry about its effect on your mental health, though. I think that eventually, (DT)GT will culminate in a deadly spill of anti-humor, the opposite of Monty Python’s famous killer joke: a situation so unreal, so unfunny, so incomprehensible, that anyone giving it even a millisecond’s thought will find their entire neural system instantly imploding.

    Finally, about Non-Shannon and that dress: I’m sorry, I refuse to believe you’ll fit in that thing’s top. You’ll have to submit photographic proof. Strictly as a matter of science, of course.

  169. Marion Delgado
    May 3rd, 2007 at 11:45 pm [Reply]

    Q. What’s the upside of Luann in A3G suffocating by the unopened window?

    A. At least there can’t be any brain damage.

  170. Red Greenback
    May 3rd, 2007 at 11:47 pm [Reply]

    Dub not Dubya (yesterthread #134)…Dayum! Whoever put that together was seriously committed. or should be committed, seriously…No. that was fukkin’ great! Tonic for the troops, pip,pip, all that rot. Cor, blimey! “I’m out of my league with someone like Mary Worth” and “Ah, Mary!…Et tu, Brute?” Haw!

  171. AppleGirl
    May 4th, 2007 at 12:40 am [Reply]

    25 – Justafoob – Simply brilliant.

  172. Poteet
    May 4th, 2007 at 12:42 am [Reply]

    # 161 — Red, you’ll look stunning. I can hardly wait.

    # 165 — Starey, great minds must think alike, because I’ve seen that hypothesis at least four times on CC. If it is Kortney, and if she got jealous of Angsthony mooning after Lizard and punched her, that would be wonderful also.

    # 168 — Thanks, Gadge. I’m not ready to attempt (DT)GT, but maybe DT is getting me prepared.

  173. Trotzenbonnie
    May 4th, 2007 at 12:50 am [Reply]

    #167 – AAckTTpth
    You know what I have to say about personalized wedding crap that winds up in the trash faster than the ink can dry on the cheque made out to the purveyor of said personalized wedding crap?
    AACKTTPTH (onomatopoeia alert. Meant to be read as spitting sound and not to be confused with AAckTTpth, so please do not take offense.)
    It’s a friggin water bottle, dammit! How does a plastic bottle symbolize, celebrate or otherwise commemorate something as serious as marriage? Just stick some damn mints in a round of tulle and tie it with a cutesy little bow like everyone else, that’s what I say.
    Sorry. I have a much younger sister who recently got married and begged me to be a brides”maid”. I’m in my fifties for crying out loud and I had to try on dresses with size 2 girls in their twenties–so wedding talk still makes me a little twitchy.

  174. AppleGirl
    May 4th, 2007 at 12:58 am [Reply]

    40 – gh – Simply brilliant.

    And the cartoons of Dean Booth and willethompson are awesome on so many levels.

    How do you guys do it? I’m amazed by all the talent here.

  175. SecretMargo
    May 4th, 2007 at 1:02 am [Reply]

    170: I second that accolade to DnD-ya! I had never actually read that series, just what was posted here. I was not prepared for my delight upon encountering:

    1) The panel where Smoove Mary slips in a CD to set the mood during her last night with Doctor Corey — I don’t know why, but the way it’s staged is so “I’ll just inconspicuously start up the tunes and then, without even quite understanding why, he’ll be putty in a pink polo shirt.”

    2) The Bubble Jeff, MD fantasy shot in the next installment. Why does he always seem so bored in her fantasies? Has she just never seen him any other way?

    3) The return of Bubblicious Dr. Corey later on, where he seems more animated — but his eyes are not on Mary, but Aldo. Like those of the nation.

    4) The little black kid in a softball uniform in the background July 16. Keep representin’, Charterstonians! One day maybe you’ll have a black character with lines! Maybe one with Negro League stories to share!

    5) The epic “Tell me the gossip Toby,” “I can’t believe you’re such a horrible person that you’d repeat gossip, Toby,” “You know, gossip is usually true, even when it’s not, tell me more, Toby,” “Toby, I think you’re just jealous and demented and a liar. Well, see you tomorrow!” multiweek interlocution of no consequence. That must have been excruciating in real time, rather than slap-happy and schizophrenic the way it reads now.

    6) The extreme coolness of that panel when Aldo adjusts his bowtie in the mirror. It had to have been an intentional effect. I can’t be ironic or snarky about it, it is actually just so, so brilliant.

    7) The “Far from the Madding Crowd” zinger. Ooooh, SNAP!! I think she’s lying, though: she just reads Vile Bodies over and over again, but never catches on that it’s satire.

    8) The correspondence between Aldo hiding his face and Toby justifying her behaviour while being reflected in the mirror above his head (9/7, 9/8) Again, the storytelling suddenly becomes sophisticated and self-reflexive: she’s trying to convince not Aldo but herself of the just nature of this intervention. No wonder she’s the one who’s first to crack after the body count starts to rise.

    Ian, on the other hand, has no soul, and thus no reflection (9/6). This comes as no surprise whatsoever.

    9) That climactic 9/23 strip juxtaposing Ian and Toby’s hellish bedroomscape and the twisted metal heap of Aldo’s car. It’s like a ShF puzzle with a trick solution: Q. Which of these panels depicts a life ruined with no hope of repair? A. Both, as well as all those preceding and following them.

    10) “…and it was my turn.”

    A little late there, Mare. A little late.

    I think she should have said, “After all, he’ll always be my second favorite gentleman caller, Toby.” Or maybe just scrawled “DO YOU CAPISCE NOW? in lipstick on his tombstone.

    Aaaah, the days of tuna casserole and roses. Will they ever come again?

  176. Poteet
    May 4th, 2007 at 1:02 am [Reply]

    # 173 — Trotzenbonnie, sympathies. I bet you have some amusing tales you could tell. And I assumed that being in one’s fifties meant no more bridesmaidness (or in my case, never-will-be-bridesmaidness). I learn a lot on this site.

    I could see keeping and reusing the water bottle if it were sturdy, but only if I could scrape off the marriage ingredient list that included “saturated smiles” and “passion.” That’s the part that made me snort milk.

  177. FortyTwo
    May 4th, 2007 at 1:08 am [Reply]

    Friday Foob: Yes, you are, Liz, and so is your creator.

  178. Lettuce
    May 4th, 2007 at 1:26 am [Reply]

    OF COURSE Anthony is seeing someone else. It’s part of Liz’s function to be appalled that she is cheated upon, yet to continually undermine the relationships of the least desirable male in the comics this side of the pirate guy in B.C.

    Her total lack of self-awareness, as well as a lack of karma or irony, is part of what makes For Better or for Worse the GREATEST post-modern story told in daily illustrated episodes.

    Can’t you all see that? It’s purposely unreadable, predictable, annoying! It’s like a work of performance art. I firmly believe that Lynn Johnstone’s retirement will coincide with Andy Kaufman’s return, not because they are one and the same, but because the universe can only handle one at a time.

  179. CrabbyGenes
    May 4th, 2007 at 1:45 am [Reply]

    The Friday AG-3: To quote Mrs. Lovett (SWEENY TODD), “Die! Die! God in heaven–die!”

  180. AppleGirl
    May 4th, 2007 at 1:59 am [Reply]

    To Poteet, Islamorada Girl, O’Fogeyette, Red Greenback, Chennux, and all the cool people – I wanna go, too! I wanna wear my tiara! Oh, please?!? I don’t have a dress, but I can make one. I will shop for TEAL ACETATE tomorrow. And MAGENTA bows and gloves and hair thingies. And of course I do already have the shoes to match.

    Red Greenback, we could carpool. I could be your “escort.” I think it only takes like 9 days to drive to Toronto from here. What kind of car do you have?

  181. Jack Parsons
    May 4th, 2007 at 2:08 am [Reply]

    Sometimes it takes me awhile: the Petronas Towers gag.

    The Petronas Towers were the next generation of the World Trade Center. The new twist is that there’s a pedestrian bridge (enclosed!) between them, whereas the WTC only had a tightrope.

    Bucky is insinuating that Constructor Cat is building one tower in each room, and had to punch a hole in the wall for the pedestrian bridge. I think this is an insult because it implies that Constructor Cat did not plan ahead and did not realize this.

    In a 1970′s Slylock Fox he figured out where Constructor Cat buried Jimmy Hoffa.

  182. Jack Parsons
    May 4th, 2007 at 2:14 am [Reply]

    So, I am not a long-time reader of Judge Parker, and in fact did not know it existed until you folks put the earwig in my canal and control me.

    Has it always been this weird?

  183. Jack Parsons
    May 4th, 2007 at 2:20 am [Reply]

    Y’all be sure to check out Days of Thunder. The April 3 will probably disappear soon: “Green Zone Barbie”.

  184. Jym
    May 4th, 2007 at 2:24 am [Reply]

    =77= Foob: Awesome, but Uncle Lumpy thought of it first (last thread).

  185. Angry Beaver
    May 4th, 2007 at 3:57 am [Reply]

    Ok, I’m not one to be tacky but when I read this obit in the paper it made me giggle like a madman!

    http://www.gazetteonline.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070503/DEATHNOTICES/70502029/-1/deathnotices

  186. True Fable
    May 4th, 2007 at 5:27 am [Reply]

    #180 AppleGirl: I look forward to seeing you, sure to be a vision in teal and magenta! Shoot, girl, I’ll get you one of those foofy little pillbox hats with the lace crawling out of the top so you’ll be stylin’ in Foob style! And don’t worry about matching – Home Depot has both colors in their spray paint isle!

    Ideally we would drive Crevasses and Roopville-pimped out Camaros to the wedding, and I don’t imagine the RCMD will stop our caravan. They might even escort us since Chennux has a magmacannon and they don’t.

    #168 Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener – I’d take back every last low down dirty snarky thing I’ve said to date about Lynn Johnston, if she would produce a panel with someone racking Anptomaine’s balls. Swear to God I would.
    And re: Non-Shannon’s dress – yes, we must test the laws of physics at every opportunity! I have a Ph.D in Dress Zipper Manipulation just in case.

  187. True Fable
    May 4th, 2007 at 5:35 am [Reply]

    #182 Jack Parsons – Yes, yes it has. Judge Parker has been a charter member of the WTF club for years.
    Did you get to catch “I’ll deny you, Missy?” in its maiden run? What a pot of gold! It’s times like that when you have to sit back in wonder. Or catatonic state, your call.

  188. True Fable
    May 4th, 2007 at 5:51 am [Reply]

    FBoFW Lynn is just toying with us, tossing us some softballs. She’s got spies checking this place out, I’ll bet you, and she’s slipping in some red herrings and easy shots to lull us.

    Are you reading this, Lynn or minion? Good.

    FBoFW USED TO BE GOOD. IT’S SHIT NOW.

    Now, go make a Sunday strip out of That.

  189. dreadedcandiru2
    May 4th, 2007 at 6:01 am [Reply]

    FBoFW: Well, Liz, you know what your shrink will tell you: admitting you have a problem is the first step to solving it. Just don’t laugh when she pulls the football away from the round-headed kid.

  190. man behind the curtain
    May 4th, 2007 at 6:09 am [Reply]

    FBOW — Finally, something we can all agree on.

  191. Justafoob
    May 4th, 2007 at 6:20 am [Reply]

    Not to pick nits Jym #154, but these threads are running at the same time. Mr. Lumpy posted slightly ahead of me on the other thread (24 minutes) but I attribute this to synchronicity and great minds thinking alike.

    The only thing better than brining Kortney to the wedding would be to come with Lovey Saltzman. I hear she is available.

  192. Motorposus
    May 4th, 2007 at 6:31 am [Reply]

    Luann: I used to wonder why Tiffany, hottie that she is, never seems to have a date. Now I understand: her method of seduction is to show up at a fellow’s place of work wearing a tiara and blurt, “Wanna hear a joke?”. Smooth, Tiff!

  193. calico
    May 4th, 2007 at 6:40 am [Reply]

    #136 – Liz can go alone, get sloshed, fall over (again) and drunkenly wail “All by Myself.”

  194. smacky
    May 4th, 2007 at 6:49 am [Reply]

    HA! I knew it! Clambake sucked, and integration put an end to his lackluster career. Now he’s a bitter old man who can’t even dress himself, hanging around the high school and living the adage “Those who cant do, teach.”

  195. calico
    May 4th, 2007 at 6:59 am [Reply]

    #176 – thinking now about what Lizard’s bottle would say, if she ever gets hitched / bridled.

    Boredom
    Self-pity and regret
    Nausea and cramps
    Bad hair, every day
    Cinnamon buns (refer to hair also)
    Perpetual whininess
    No vitamins or nutrients

  196. stinky pete
    May 4th, 2007 at 7:06 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Oooooh, score one for Rex in this nerve-wracking game of psychological intrigue. Either Hugh Avery is about to cry or, from the look of his hand, he’s turning into a werewolf.

    MT explained: Moustache, lots of hair = bad guy. Balding, clean-shaven = good guy.

    Pluggers: You’re a plugger if an extra helping of cholesterol is cause for cheer.

    MW: “We were very close when we were younger until Von drilled a forehand smash into my ear from 3 feet away.”

    TDIET: Isn’t this the third “neat house/messy office” strip in about 4 days?

  197. Hogen Mogen
    May 4th, 2007 at 7:15 am [Reply]

    http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/buildcp.mpl?v=3.0;page=2;quality=high;cpp=8;c=112;c=71;c=20;c=116;c=118;c=144;c=123;c=130;c=140;date=2007/5/4

    TDIET: Do it, Mrs. Barfwell. Mr. Barfwell’s hide apparently needs vacuuming.

    Spidey: And now The-Amazing-Spider-Brick story arc has achieved an amazing 100.00% irrelevance.

    Funky: Cancer cancer cancer. Ha ha ha!

    Phantom: Since Ghost-who-wears-Speedos is going on the trip, it may occur to him that he himself may require saving at some point. Should he get an equal dose of tough love?

    A3G: “I can’t remember who my friends and family are because I’m a dumbass blonde high on paint fumes.” Well, I don’t blame you for forgetting your family, Luann. After never mentioning them or spending a single holiday with them, they’ve forgotten you as well. Maybe Luann came from a wealthy family, but her evil brother cut her off from the inheritance…

  198. Pendragon
    May 4th, 2007 at 7:16 am [Reply]

    Write-in vote: Liz’s former student Jesse Mukwa from Mtigmeouttotheballgame. A strapping young lad when last seen.

    Additional song: Hokey-Pokey. And it really is what it is all about.

    May I perhaps get out my circa-1976 powder blue brushed denim Tobias leisure suit with the orange stitching and my plaid bleeding Madras shirt? Or is this a not-formal event?

  199. AhClem
    May 4th, 2007 at 7:23 am [Reply]

    As a structural engineer, I have an academic interest in making sure Non-Shannon’s dress fits properly and will not suffer a wardrobe malfunction. Here’s a treatise on a closely related topic:

    http://gendertree.com/a_stress_analysis_of_a_strapless.htm

  200. Hogen Mogen
    May 4th, 2007 at 7:26 am [Reply]

    GF: Darby needs to do a little more research before going with the Sears Tower. Even with the antennae, it is still outdone by the CN Tower in Toronto, and will soon be eclipsed by the Burj Dubai and some proposed project in Istanbul.

  201. AAckTTpth
    May 4th, 2007 at 7:27 am [Reply]

    173 – Personally, it’s not my style, but to each their own.

    Canada Wedding Directory is my site, and I’m learning the business behind the wedding business. I’m constantly amazed by the things that pop in and out of style. OK, Curminions: admit it. *Someone* here has a powder blue tuxedo and a ruffled shirt in their closet. GE Chennux? I’m looking at you…

  202. Islamorada Girl
    May 4th, 2007 at 7:34 am [Reply]

    gh–”The Godfather” is a great film. I would have totally fallen in love with you for taking me to see it. And helped you spike the punch.

    AppleGirl–I was hoping you’d join us! I’m sure anything a woman of your imagination can throw together will be so colorful folks will need sunglasses just to look at your brilliance!

    Besides, it will take all of us women to keep Chennux from bursting into tears during the ceremony. You know how emotional he can get at these things.

  203. Anon
    May 4th, 2007 at 7:48 am [Reply]

    The doldrums of the 200+ early morning comments.

    No one wants to post here because they know Pope Josh will post up today’s comix hijinx and it will be off to the snarky races. Comments here are just filling digital space.

    Like this one.

  204. calico
    May 4th, 2007 at 7:49 am [Reply]

    DtM – ah-ha, so Gramps is teaching you all about the ol’ funny bone! Hahaha!

    I find the last few days of Baldo kinda funny too. Tia Carmen is a real hoot and her character is actually imbued with some ironic perspective that isn’t a total depressing bummer every day.

  205. Weasel Boy
    May 4th, 2007 at 7:55 am [Reply]

    FBoFW, panel 4: I would SO buy that T-shirt.

  206. stinky pete
    May 4th, 2007 at 7:59 am [Reply]

    Whatever the gaps in Conley’s knowledge of architecture, +10 points for “My next project is building you a fat lip.”

  207. Aquagirl2
    May 4th, 2007 at 8:01 am [Reply]

    MW is alarming today! Am I the only one who thought Mary had a second hand growing out of the fingertips of her right?? Or is it just too early.

    TDIET just stinks. What year is this anyway? The kitchen vs. the Office, female vs. male? I know, I know, you’re all “Oh aquagirl, welcome to this planet, thank you for joining us that TDIET lives in some weird 1940s world” but it still baffles me. Who *writes* it for God’s sake?

  208. Laura Jane
    May 4th, 2007 at 8:10 am [Reply]

    (BaH)MT:* Gosh, I can’t think of anything more entertaining, more adventurous than following Mark along as he goes from office to office. Each day I wonder, “What will the desk look like?” “Will there be any art work on the walls?” “Will I be able to spot a pencil sharpener or stapler lurking around?” And most importantly, “What sort of hairstyle and facial hair will Mark discover today?” I’m so glad that Mark Trail is available to “guide” me through the fascinating world of White Collar, White Man America.

    *(Boring as Hell)Mark Trail

  209. Eleven
    May 4th, 2007 at 8:10 am [Reply]

    FW: It’s funny because she’s dying!
    A3G: It’s funny because she’s dying, too!
    BB: It’s funny because he’s already dead!

    Another day of wholesome family diversion on the comics page.

  210. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 4th, 2007 at 8:16 am [Reply]

    5/4,

    H&J: Poor Sarah. No matter what kind of mouth music she tries on Herb, he always heads over to Jamaal’s place two minutes later.

    Garfield: From the looks of things, Jon no longer has a girlfriend. Which is good. Less chance of him breeding.

    RMMD: Attractive? Ice Queen? Oh Rex, please tell us you’re going to introduce Hugh to June.

    MW: Rubber glove alert! Mary is preparing to give Vera her pelvic exam. It will be the least invasive thing she’s done all day.

    SForth: Tinkerbell was Peter Pan’s wingman? So she kept him from hitting on the wrong Lost Boys? That explains so very much.

    A3G: “I have friends and family who love me. I mean, I have Margo and Tommie and… Screw it, let’s get this over with.”

    JP: “Not amused.” So she turned into a Terry Gilliam animation of Queen Victoria?

    Baldo: It’s funny because he thought his aunt was staring at his massive culebra. Haha, funny! What’s that I see in front of me. Why, breakfast just came back up!

  211. calico
    May 4th, 2007 at 8:19 am [Reply]

    Mmmm-hmmmm…I am having a vision, Mary-Worth style. Drooooollll…
    What if Shawna-Marie and her husband-to-be know Paul and Susan from some event, like a spin-the bottle party or something, and they are invited to and end up coming to the wedding as well…

    How does this fit into Lyngineering’s brilliant coma fantasy a la Mikey, though?

  212. Perky Bird
    May 4th, 2007 at 8:22 am [Reply]

    5/4-
    GT–Looks like ol’ Clambake is developing the dreaded “chin-nuts” disease, like Grampa in Foob.

    I hope Emperor Chennux greatly enjoys attending his first Earth wedding, but I do hope someone reminds him that the adorable little flower girl and ringbearer are part of the wedding party and are not “appetizers”!

  213. AAckTTpth
    May 4th, 2007 at 8:27 am [Reply]

    208 – And which piece of office equipment will contribute dialogue today?

  214. Weasel Boy
    May 4th, 2007 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    Slylock Fox: Today’s artist is from my hometown of Riverside, CA. Young Andrew Reynolds submitted a pretty decently drawn snake. Way to represent, Andrew!

  215. smacky
    May 4th, 2007 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    #203: Anon, I know just what you mean. It’s like Curmudgeon Jenga. Which comment will break the thread and cause Josh to post a new one (or, as he’s done the last few days, three new ones in rapid succession)?

    I feel like Indiana Jones slipping under the descending door with this comment. If I reach back to grab my hat, Josh will post Friday comics and I’ll lose an arm!

  216. Dennis Jimenez
    May 4th, 2007 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    More of the Grampa/Dennis/bone relationship today – enough Hank – menacing is one thing but this is just disgusting.

    I’m no cartographer but either John Hill pitches a tent on the ‘ol Mark Trail or does the Mark Trail go down on John Hill – your choice.

    RMMD – Is it Ice Queen or Ice Cream? Perhaps some sweet delicious RMMD ice cream.

    SF – And you will not suffocate in vain – our amusement counts for a lot.

    The only embryos a plugger aborts are in a breakfast skillet.

    Oh, and Blondie is especially bobalicious today (sigh).

    That is all.

  217. Katherine
    May 4th, 2007 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    Surely I can’t be the only one who saw today’s Ink Pen?
    I was wondering why Von looked so familiar….

    http://ucomics.aolsvc.aol.com/news/inkpen/

  218. smacky
    May 4th, 2007 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    #216: bobalicious or boobalicious?

    Choose wisely!

  219. Duane Schneider
    May 4th, 2007 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    So sad LuAnn has to die because she has to remember who her friends are.

    Um, dear, you have no friends.

    Pretty much everybody hates you and laughs behind your back. That is the ones that don’t laugh right into your face.

    So breathe deeply and slip this mortal coil……

  220. willethompson
    May 4th, 2007 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    Red Greenback has sent me his version of the latest FOOB disaster. Fans of the film AIRPLANE appreciate it….

  221. O’Fogeyette
    May 4th, 2007 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    131 Poteet: You cannot have a wedding without “Wind Beneath My Wings.” God, I hate that song.

    Speaking of wedding music, I was in a very 50′s mood for ours. We were married twice, first by a JP (long story). On the way downtown, I had the tape player blaring “Goin’ to the Chapel.” And right after the second wedding, where we tied the knot in front of our sixty guests, the tape was: “Not too young to get married.” (We were… ahem… very mature at the time.)

    I’m getting psyched for the FOOB wedding. And even though it represents the culmination of everything I loathe, I’ll probably cry.

  222. joeyjoejoe
    May 4th, 2007 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    Can someone please explain to me what we’re looking at in panel three of today’s Zits?

    It looks like Pierce somehow discovered the ethereal realm beneath the bleachers and then banished the principal’s car there.

    Seriously, what is going on? There’s this weird, forced perspective that makes absolutely no sense. Is the car somehow stuck to the mounds of fossilized gum underneath the bleachers? Or did he maybe just now put it under there, and what we’re seeing in the third panel is the car falling toward us? Either explanation requires that Pierce is somehow able to squeeze a Prius through the slats in the bleachers, and I’m sorry, but I find that hard to believe, even in a universe whose native physical laws allow Mrs. Zits’s perfectly conical breasts to maintain their shape.

  223. Anon
    May 4th, 2007 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    At my wedding, some 18 years ago, I convinced my bride (a devout rock fan) to go with swing, big-band, and jazz. It was great, all the old farts got out there and showed the younger set what dancing was all about. People you would have thought were fat, stove-in, or just plain square went back to their youth and really put on a show. Better than the Chicken Dance or other crap that is played at most.

  224. mere cog in the machine
    May 4th, 2007 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    LUANN: Ah, Tiffany. My tender, tight, tittilatingly teasing teen tart, in your tawdry tiara. Unlike the loutish Brad, ma petit cheri, I know exactly what you need. Let me gently remove your delicate shoulder straps with my teeth, my naughty highschool vixen. Let me slowly hike up your scandalously short skirt around your coltish hips, and I will pump those 1500 gallons per minute that Brad so doltishly speaks of and you, my tiara-sporting temptress, so richly deserve.

  225. Anon
    May 4th, 2007 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    Um, mere, 15 will get you 20

  226. Red Greenback
    May 4th, 2007 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    #180 AG- I own a 1983 Ford “ESCORT” . That’s petty damned “Count Floyd” spooky, innit?

  227. Sheilagh
    May 4th, 2007 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    Ah, personalized wedding crap… Once a long long time ago, when I was in college, I drove to the shore on a whim in the middle of the night after the bars closed… with a male friend I’d been way attracted to for way long… and we had some doobie and we drove for hours, and we walked on the beach with the sun coming up, and had a great day making sand castles and going to Asbury Park (this was back before Atlantic City ruined it)… and the thing is, I was ransacking his car for matches, and I finally found this HUGE white matchbook with silver letters on it, it said something like “Ron and Sally, May 5, 1978″ or some damn thing… and I didn’t know any Ron and Sally, and HE didn’t know any Ron and Sally, and we had no clue how that matchbook arrived in the car… but it was both heaven-sent and hilarious.

    I’ve had a soft spot for personalized wedding crap ever since.

  228. SatanicMechanic
    May 4th, 2007 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    Zits both baffeled and offended me today.

  229. Red Greenback
    May 4th, 2007 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    Yeah, “petty” was the right word, but I own that car free and clear! The “MAN” can’t take that vehicle away from me, HA HA!!
    That car is my retirement home…”Living in America”

  230. Dave
    May 4th, 2007 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    Maybe the two mothers could do a duet of “Sunrise, Sunset.”

    I saw this at a wedding in Mackinaw City, Micigan, with horrific results.

  231. Dean Booth (Tyler Bid Page)
    May 4th, 2007 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    Dub not Dubya (yesterthread #134) — that’s great, thanks. I missed much of the Aldo storyline, so now I’ll be able to re-live the horror. And thanks, Red, for pointing it out.

  232. Red Greenback
    May 4th, 2007 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    #230 Dave- Ouchie!!! Maybe the two moms at the Shawna-Marie / ??? wedding will duet Prince’s “Controversy”…just sayin’

  233. Hogen Mogen
    May 4th, 2007 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    GT: This is 2007? Then why is everyone’s hair preoccupied with nineteen, ninenteen, nineteen eighty five?

  234. Mibbitmaker
    May 4th, 2007 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    #222 (joeyjoejoe): What apparently happened was that Pincushionman stuck the Prius under the bleachers by magically making the vehicle really, really tiny, then sticking it onto the gum mounds. He’s not only more badass than Hector, he’s a wizard!

  235. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 4th, 2007 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    Sheilagh (#227), was it a used car? Maybe the previous owner knew a Ron and Sally, but didn’t smoke. That explanation might be too mundane and boring, so I’m not married (heh-heh) to it.

  236. Paperback Rifler
    May 4th, 2007 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    I’m sure that this thread is teetering on the brink of ending at any second, but here goes:

    Ink Pen: This may or may not be a Curmudgeon shout-out; but I’d like to imagine that it is. And it just figures that Margo would throw herself where the money is.

    Ballard Street: Looks like Pauline has been mentoring folks on where to find their happiness. Good for her! (By which I mean, “Ick!”)

    Judge Parker: Yeah, the probable reason for why Mrs. Cabot was not amused is because Roger interrupted her in the middle of shaking her Groves’ thang. (And now I’m sorry that I wrote that. Again, “Ick!”)

    Dennis the Menace: It looks like the “funny bone” that Grampa is handling is not up his sleeve. (And that’s three “Icks” in a row. And another three: “Ick! Ick! Ick!”)

    Gil Thörp: “I don’t need to hear about 60 years ago. So I’m going to grab my giant, novelty, disembodied head and go home.”

  237. Sheilagh
    May 4th, 2007 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    AFKAB, yes, that car was an old beater! On the other hand, my friend had owned it for some years, and the wedding matchbook (silver bells! ribbons!) was recent. It’s a mystery…

  238. John C Fremont
    May 4th, 2007 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    A3G – Well, there might just be a happy ending here after all.

    Foob – Never thought Liz and I would ever agree on anything, but… (I know this has been covered, but I just couldn’t help it.)

    MT – So John Hill is a series of cardboard cut-outs?

    JP – Just a note of appreciation to Barreto for his artwork.

  239. Hogen Mogen
    May 4th, 2007 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    Wedding song: U2′s “One”. It sounds great on the face of it, unless you actually listen to the words like “You left me with nothing and that’s all I got” and “We’ll hurt each other and we’ll do it again” and “You ask me to enter, and then you make me crawl, and I just can’t keep holding on, when all you’ve got is hurt.”

    Yeah, I love to hear that at weddings.

  240. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 4th, 2007 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    Darkefang (#88 yesterthread),
    You got me thinking with this.
    A3G: Margo is the greatest character in the comics page. She’s rude, a bad friend and overreacts to everything. She would have been the perfect fifth person on Seinfeld.
    Yes! She could date George and Kramer in quick succession, further ruining both their lives. Jerry wouldn’t go for her because he knows her type. Hell, put a vintage Dior dress on him and he is her type. Margo: Jennifer Jason Leigh in the performance of a lifetime.

    Your observations on the other comics were mostly on target. But I have to step in and defend Mark Trail. Jack Elrod draws birds and beasts and frogs beautifully. It’s only when he has to draw those funny talking bipeds that he runs into trouble.

  241. Perky Bird
    May 4th, 2007 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    #239-Hogen Mogen–
    Ooh! My husband (then fiance) and I went to a friend’s wedding two years ago. The bride and gromm loved U2 somethin’ fierce, and they DID play “One”! I, too, thought it a bit odd. That and the fact that she walked down the asile to “A Beautiful Day”–ah, nothing’ like hearing about tuna ships over-fishing the seas and burining oil fields at night to put me in the wedding mood…

  242. Forthillrox
    May 4th, 2007 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    A3G: That’s it Luann, take a deep breath, do what the hallucination tells you to do. It’s only carbon monoxide, go to sleep, go to towards the light…

    FB: Scruffy’s dead.

  243. Perky Bird
    May 4th, 2007 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    241–That’s “groom”, not “gromm”. My bad.

  244. Hogen Mogen
    May 4th, 2007 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    A3G: I didn’t know watercolor fumes could overcome a person, but there it is. Or maybe she’s just really just as bored as we all are.

  245. Paperback Rifler
    May 4th, 2007 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    Okay, more wedding songs:

    “Every Breath You Take” by the Police — After almost twenty-five years, I hope that most folks have caught on to the fact that it’s not a song about love; it’s a song about stalking (or, if you prefer, “kelrasting”).

    “Having My Baby” by Paul Anka — No. Just . . . no.

    On the more positive side, I had a friend who had a sister named “Wendy;” and for Wendy’s wedding recessional song, they played “Born to Run.” I’m pretty sure that they chose it because the song talks about loving Wendy with “all the madness in my soul” and not because they were calling her a tramp.

    As for me personally, whenever I do get married I would like my wedding recessional song to be the end theme from “WKRP in Cincinnatti.” That song kicks butt so hard that it would be like having Mark Trail punch out your entire wedding party all at once.

  246. Red Greenback
    May 4th, 2007 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    Where the aich eee double hockey sticks is SPOI?…And Angry Black Woman…and HBGLord?

  247. Mibbitmaker
    May 4th, 2007 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    A3G: (As Ed Meese in the car next to her can see, Liz is babbling on.)

    “I’M A TOTAL IDIOT!!” – Liz Patterson

    “Gee, maybe invading Iraq wasn’t such a good idea.” – George W. Bush

    “JEEZ, my strip got depressing!” – Tom Batiuk

    “Maybe ‘Live and let live’ is a better philosophy!” – Osama bin-Laden

    “What have I gotten myself into?!” – Katie Holmes

    “Margaret Shulock is a flippin’ sadist!” – LuAnn Powers

    GOD, I’m a bitch! – Margo Magee

    GOD, I’m an ass!” – Simon Cowell (sp?)

    GOD, I love me!!” – Donald Trump

    “Sarge is the one I’ve been looking for all my life!” – Beetle Bailey

    “I’M A TOTAL IDIOT!!” – Jessica Simpson

    “Bald! What was I thinking?!!” – Britney Spears

    “I’m totally batshit insane!” – Ann Coulter

    “I’m totally batshit insane! – Rosie O’Donnell

  248. Anon
    May 4th, 2007 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    Hup, two, three, four….

    Still marking time here….

    Want to start snarking time…..

  249. Hogen Mogen
    May 4th, 2007 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    Yancey really missed his opportunity. I used to have a scratchy old record of a guy from the negro leagues who wasn’t very good. But then he went into the umpire business and had dozens of stories to tell, which is what was on the record. I guess it was the way he told it that made it funny. Maybe Clambake could have done that, too. Instead, he went into entertainment management and discovered some James Brown guy, co-managered some musical family the something-five, and the career of the little kid from that family when he went solo. He also became the owner of some NBA franchise and eventually sold for millions. No wonder why he’s angry about integration. After wasting his life amassing a fortune, he could have gone into the big leagues, been paid ten bucks a day and had fleeting minor fame remembered only by a few archivists so many years later. Damn that Jackie Robinson.

  250. AAckTTpth
    May 4th, 2007 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    240 – How about Naomi Campbell as Margo? She wouldn’t even have to act.

    Paris Hilton as Luanne?

    Would the A3G movie be as boring as the strip? Magic 8 Ball answer: Without a doubt.

  251. Dean Booth
    May 4th, 2007 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    #227 Sheilagh, Maybe your friend’s real name was Ron.

    #238 John, yeah, I noticed that John Hill looked awfully flat, too. He appears to me to be the lollipop kid on the left.

  252. SecretMargo
    May 4th, 2007 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    216: Can we just count our blessings that the Plugger in question wasn’t the Chicken Lady today?

  253. Hogen Mogen
    May 4th, 2007 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    #245 – Paperback – Robert Wohl (the reporter guy in the first Batman) did a stand up routine based on the fact that the state of NJ made “Born to Run” the state song. It mentions suicide twice, and what every state song should include “We gotta get out while we’re young” and “Baby, we’ll never go back”. But I must admit that it does not include any lines lacking in romantic compatabilty. Sure, it refers to Wendy as a “tramp”, but Bruce also refers to himself as one, as in “tramps like us”. See, it’s not an insult if you come from that angle, because both being tramps is just one more thing that they have in common.

  254. MossMoses
    May 4th, 2007 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    “We were very close when we were younger”. Maybe they were a little too close, with both of them playing net like that at the same time. The scene in panel one is yet another of those “human body doesn’t move that way” scenarios. How could Vera, in the location she is now and the posture she is currently assuming, have hit the ball to Von’s racket where he is now? I suppose it could have been a lob but why would she stay at the net or charge the net if she had just hit a lob shot? She would be back at the baseline waiting for a Von overhead smash. Are they really playing tennis with ping pong paddles? They don’t look long enough to be real tennis rackets. Von’s electric blue dress slacks don’t seem entirely appropriate for an athletic endeavor. Vera’s appearance has not changed a whole lot since childhood. She and Von certainly were waspy freaks as kids.

    Lizardbreath is cursing herself for what? Is she thinking she should have thrown herself at Granthony’s mustache before another woman snatched up the hearththrob? Is she pissed off at the traffic jam? Blandthony is a bit disingenous himself, after telling LB to wait for him. It sort of fits into Lynn Johnston’s depraved concept of the male psyche. He probably meant for her to wait for him to finish taking advantage of a “girl” directly under him in the cinammon bun feeding chain at Gordo’s World of Fossil Fuel Burners. This really raises some ethical red flags. Granthony sure does harrassment up right!

    Cedric the super butler is most forthcoming with all his personal emotions for a temp butler. He spews his guts a lot more easily than Vera Shields. I thought he was supposed to be a yes ma’am, no ma’am man servant, not a Clark Kent Luger toting, cradle robbing, death fearing bad ass. Neddy needs to remove that backwards beret soon, although in JP time they have only been in Paris a few hours! It’s still day one of their trip despite being a few months in real time.

    Baldo naked in front of Tia Carmen… Did she see his kumquats?

  255. Susie Derkins
    May 4th, 2007 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    Today’s FOOB:

    Whoa…wait a minute. She’s berating herself for thinking that Granthony will hang around waiting for her. This is Granthony. “WAIT FOR MEEEEEE” Granthony. So…he should expect her to wait but she shouldn’t expect him to? And she doesn’t see what an asshole he is, or the double standard she’s applying?

    Grrrr…

    Yes, Liz, you are a total idiot, but not for the reason that you think.

    Oh, by the way, I love Gap-Toothed-Starey-Eyed-HOOO-Boy. I think that when the inevitable goes down and this swill mercifully comes to an end, the final FOOB panel ever should be of GTSEHB popping his head in and closing with–what else–”HOOO!”

    Also, I think that Liz should hook up with Candace. And/or “Shawna-Marie.” They look the same anyway.

  256. Red Greenback
    May 4th, 2007 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    Two quickies before I go to my place of toil:
    Ballard St.: Carl is pulling a “Pauline”
    Mutts: Aaaawww,geez! now you got me all misty and shit.
    Latron, RGB.

  257. gnome de blog
    May 4th, 2007 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    Back in the 80s or maybe late 70s – who can tell from this vantage point? – there was a song that contained the line “Sometimes when we touch/the honesty’s too much,” which is my nomination for worst lyric of all time, including the Paul Anka collection. I don’t know what the song was because I could never listen to it all the way through, but they have to play it at the weeding.

  258. Goaty
    May 4th, 2007 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    Is a “weeding” where weed marries someone?

  259. Dorianne
    May 4th, 2007 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    I’m not finished reading the comments yet, but I had to say this:

    #25, justafoob, your re-written lyrics have me HOWLING with laughter! (And I haven’t even had my morning gin yet. ;D )

  260. Sheilagh
    May 4th, 2007 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    It’s where they weed people out of the dating pool (to mix a metaphor)…

  261. Paperback Rifler
    May 4th, 2007 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    253. Don’t get me wrong because of my lame “tramp” joke, Hogen; I really do think “Born to Run” is a great wedding song choice, and it tops my list for great, nonconventional wedding songs. (At the bottom of the list: “The River.”)

  262. Mibbitmaker
    May 4th, 2007 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    (DT)GT: Ken is no Al Scaduto!

    Andy Capp: He must be watching TV on one of those early ’70s Doonesbury sets.

    A3G: Jeez, George Costanza had Susan planted in the cemetary before this far along! The old underground comix title “Slow Death Funnies” has nothing on A3G!

    Curtis: Those Will Elder “chicken fat” signs at the barber shop are going a tad off topic… and getting really creepy!

    Garfield: The cat’s reaction to Jon = our reaction to “Garfield”.

  263. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    May 4th, 2007 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    #257 Gnome de Blog — The song is “Sometimes When We Touch”, by Dan Hill, who — just like Lynn Johnston and the Pattersnots — is a Canadian.

  264. MossMoses
    May 4th, 2007 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    256. RGB? Red Green Blue? Hue are you Red Greenback? I’m glad there is another Mutts hater out there. That is the sappiest p.o.s. in the comics, especially the shelter stories treacle.

    257. Gnome, you sort of remind me of a hesitant prize fighter, still trapped within his youth…

  265. Jack Parsons
    May 4th, 2007 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    Spotted HØrse from yeasterthredd:
    I was lamenting the fact that I never kept a list of really weird Google searches I employ when using this site.

    Fortunately, Google does. And they run it on a ticker in the lobby. They scrub your pr0nwerdz.

    More information on this can be…

  266. Motorposus
    May 4th, 2007 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    #251 Dean Booth: Funny you should mention that. I just was thinking John Hill looked like the lollipop kid in the middle . His demeanor has certainly improved since he quit the Guild and got himself a steady job at Westville Airport.

  267. Loony Lil
    May 4th, 2007 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    In case y’all didn’t see today’s panel, Liz is in total meltdown mode today. A trip to the hospital may be in the offing before too long.

  268. Justafoob
    May 4th, 2007 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    Thanks to all the kudos for my parody. It is generally not my long suit.

    But, thanks to the Imus desert on the morning drive-time, I am forced to flip the dial and I came across the Beatles… and thanks to my “gift”, I came up with a song.

    My “gift” is going to let me compete in the Special Olympics this year, Foob division.

  269. Loony Lil
    May 4th, 2007 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    Disregard the last post, but I stand by my statement. Liz is ready for Bellevue.

  270. Red Greenback
    May 4th, 2007 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    #264 Moss: Maybe I should change my handle de blog to Curtis Yanks More Kazakis…gotta go!

  271. MossMoses
    May 4th, 2007 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    266. JP, John Hill is no other than Agent T, in his new position. He was previously with the FBI tracking terr’ists attempting to launch a missile at civil aviation at LoFo Intl (LFI) before Mark Trail distracted them by putting a cub between the terr’ists and mother bear. His mohawk hair loss is unmistakable.

  272. queek
    May 4th, 2007 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    RM(g)MD: “they call her the ice queen” Is that because she makes June’s nips perky?

    InkPen double shout-out has been mentioned already.

    Phantom: umm, since when did Africa include palm trees and Maori canoes? *confused*

    as for wedding songs, d’y’think the band can handle “JustaFOOB My Love?”

    as a second wedding song comment, you’ve never seen confusion in so many old people as when the bride and the rest of the college-age wedding party did the Time Warp at their big Italian wedding. :-)

  273. Trotzenbonnie
    May 4th, 2007 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    Moss-
    I love Mutts but I hate shelter week (and that damned pet food commercial with the dog in the pound who can sit and roll over but can’t figure out why nobody will take him home). But I’ll nominate “Love Is..” with the naked kids and their little titty specks to be considered as THE most crappy thing to ever appear on the comics pages.

    HogMog –
    AAAAAAH! I was listening to Achtung Baby when the Granthony of my life showed up at my apartment. Just as “One” started playing he told me he was going to Atlanta to eff his ex-girlfriend. Needless to say, I played a little skeet shoot later with that CD and even the mention of the song still makes me want to … um, well, castrate something.

    This concludes my thread-ending contribution of the day. Thank you.

  274. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 4th, 2007 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    Anyone else surprised that “a Plugger striking gold” doesn’t involve nose-picking?

  275. Artist formerly known as Ben
    May 4th, 2007 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    #254, I call foul, Moss. You just used the word “mustache” and “snatch” in the same sentence. And that sentence was about Granthony. Foul! Fouler! Foulest!

  276. Plugmein
    May 4th, 2007 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    A Plugger nose picker strikes the green.

    Excuse me….

    mmmmmmmmmm, boogers……..

  277. Sheilagh
    May 4th, 2007 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    I’ve never married, but would recommend a Gilbert & Sullivan medley. (If we’re weak enough to tarry/E’er we marry, you and I/Of the feeling I inspire/You may tire, bye and bye!)

  278. Sheilagh
    May 4th, 2007 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    Sorry, that shoulda been “ere we tarry.” My bad.

  279. Dean Booth
    May 4th, 2007 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    #266 Motor, I guess it depends on the angle of the pic. Here are The Lost Forest Kids.

  280. AhClem
    May 4th, 2007 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    Speaking of weddings, this one made me laugh today, and not just because I’m recently divorced (a mutual decision, BTW):

    http://www.gocomics.com/theflyingmccoys/2007/05/04/

  281. bats
    May 4th, 2007 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    Foob Friday: Well, f*ck you, Liz. Any microscopic bit of sympathy I had for you is gone…”gee, I can tease and drag along X, Y, and Z, and I get to make the final selection…who cares how many guys’ lives I put on hold (or even sad, hopeless optimism?”

    I loathe women who act like this in Real Life (yeah, men, too), and it’s all the worse to see it in the comics. God, today’s strip pissed me off…

  282. Dingo
    May 4th, 2007 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    I’m surprised that no one has commented yet on today’s Ink Pen. The Chicago Tribune began carrying it a few months ago, along with Lio. Consistently funny strip.

  283. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    May 4th, 2007 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    I’ve picked out my foobalwear for the event! Click my name for a pic. (work-safe)

    In the meantime, enjoy this FBOFW script, smuggled from three months in the future, at the cost of the lives of many Bothan spies.

    PANEL 1: Liz and Pornstache share a dance at the wedding reception.

    LIZ: I’m having a wonderful time.
    ANTHONY: So am I. What’s the name of this song? I’ve heard it before.

    PANEL 2: Closer shot of the two dancing. Anthony looks startled.

    LIZ: It’s “Unchained Melody.”
    ANTHONY: Unchain… Melody…!!

    PANEL 3: Liz calls after Anthony as he dashes away.
    ANTHONY: I knew I forgot something!
    LIZ: Anthony!

    PANEL 4: Close-up of a disappointed Liz.
    LIZ [thinking]: Was it something I said?

  284. stinky pete
    May 4th, 2007 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    282 Dingo, 217 & 236 took notice.

  285. Aquagirl2
    May 4th, 2007 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    241–I walked down the aisle to A Beautiful Day!!! I stand by my decision. (That was actually the song we walked back up the aisle to. I walked down the aisle to the song from True Romance.)

  286. Motorposus
    May 4th, 2007 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    #279: Please, Dean, make ‘em dance!

  287. Howard Erk
    May 4th, 2007 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    Man, the first really nice day, Josh goes on vacation again.

    Must be nice.

  288. dyslexia
    May 4th, 2007 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    Even if one ignores the fact that it’s easy to read panels 2 and 3 of today’s Baldo as being entirely unrelated (“Put away your giant schlong! Also, I hate videogames!”), I’m still left wondering one thing: who the hell keeps videogame controllers in the bathroom?

    I think Baldo heard someone joke about “playing with his joystick” and took it a bit too literally.

  289. Trotzenbonnie
    May 4th, 2007 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    #283 – TSS-B
    Ooo! I love how the purple tie brings out the mossy green in your….um, pits?

  290. Dingo
    May 4th, 2007 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    Stinky Pete, thanks! It’s interesting that sometimes when I do a text search on this site, it doesn’t come up. I searched on “Ink Pen” and the text wasn’t found.

    Guess I have to read through ‘em all!

  291. Trotzenbonnie
    May 4th, 2007 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    #288 – Dys
    I have one brother who keeps his guitar in the bathroom and one whose Apple Notebook I have christened his “Craptop” for the same reason.
    Video game controllers in the lavatory? How pedestrian.

  292. Forthillrox
    May 4th, 2007 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    Now, when the Self-Clubbing Tyler Action Figure was made, did the original doll come with the vintage 1993 surfer dude clothing, or were the clothes made for SCTAF? While I think Dean did a excellent job with the SCTAF, I think a circa 1957 glee club uniform and a Members Only jacket would probably be a little more appropriate for our boy Tyler.

  293. Porky
    May 4th, 2007 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    Check out today’s (5-4) Mary Worth.
    Mary has Vera staring dumbfounded at some really great close-up magic: two days ago, she took off her glove and stuck it into a coat pocket… and now she’s putting it back on by pushing from the fingers.
    Can’t wait to see her next trick!

  294. O’Fogeyette
    May 4th, 2007 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    Red Greenback and MossMoses: Boo, hiss! Some people (like me) LOVE Mutts. I don’t mind the treacle a bit. I think the Shelter stories convey an important message that cannot be broadcast too many times. He only does it once or twice a year, anyway. Just let your eyes slide by it, like mine do when they encounter Sherman’s Lagoon, FC, and a couple of others.

    283 Spider Brick: coffee spew!

  295. Dean Booth
    May 4th, 2007 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    #283, The Spectacular Spider-Brick: Lookin’ good! Who ya gonna let untie your bow after you get stoned at the wedding?

    #293 Forthillrox, if you can come up with a sewing pattern, I’ll include it in the THWAK* package.

    * K = kid

  296. stinky pete
    May 4th, 2007 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    290 Dingo, I also frequently can’t get IE to properly search for text. I blame Bill Gates.

    Also: St. Louis Post Dispatch Comics Poll Update.

    Some may remember many yesterthreads ago that the SLPD was running a comics poll to revise their page. FINALLY results were announced today:

    Out: BC; In: 9CL* (WOOOO-HOOOOOOO!)

    Out: Curtis (sob!); In: Candorville

    Out: Meaning of Lila; In: My Cage

    Out: Agnes; In: Pajama Diaries

    *9CL was tested a few years back but discontinued to bring back Mark Trail, and that is all you need to know about St. Louis.

  297. Gulielma
    May 4th, 2007 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    FBoFW: I hope you aren’t going to be jealous, but I’ve found the perfect dress for the wedding. Any of you guys see the beaded tweed Cynthia Rowley red carpet dress on “Shear Genius”? The skirt needs to be altered, but a hoop skirt, tons of crinolines, and a butt bow would make the dress *heavenly*.

    Curtis: I actually remember a semi-funny “Gunther’s relatives look like him” gag, from years back. Gunther tells Curtis he’s going to go change into his party clothes. Gunther’s sister appears, wearing a floral dress and f*ck me pumps, prompting Curtis to say to himself, “That must be some party.”

    Dilbert: No more cartoonist gags. Bring back Phil the Prince of Insufficient Light.

    Baldo: Geez, kid, put some clothes on.

    Cathy: Still more horrors of aging jokes.

    Baby Blues: Laundry day is funny! Funny I say!

  298. Smurt the wind raker
    May 4th, 2007 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    Yet more Foob melodramatics. I can’t wait for this wedding. Granthony and Elizabeth present, but with separate beaus/beauesses. A sacred moment spoiled by their petty drama.

    I’m guessing that Elizabeth catches the bouquet.

  299. Yitzchok
    May 4th, 2007 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    Memorandum

    To: Lynn Johnston

    Re: Today’s Strip

    Why, oh why would someone in a completely separate lane – and having a green himself – stop to yell at someone NOT in his path for dallying at a green light?

    Yours,

    Everyone in the World

  300. katya
    May 4th, 2007 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    Reading Mary Worth today I can only guess that the quotes around what’s Vera’s statement, “We were very close when we were younger!” is to suggest her and Von’s incestuous arrangement. And to shock Mary Worth into running away so she won’t give any more of her “advice”… or “casseroles.”

  301. Tweeks_Coffee
    May 4th, 2007 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Clearly LuAnn’s delusional, we all know her friends don’t love her. Hell, they’ve barely even noticed that she’s been gone for the better part of a month.

    FOOB: Admitting you have a problem is the first step toward recovery.

    MW: Why, Vera hasn’t aged a day! Hell, she’s even wearing the same skirt!

    TDIET: What is with the constant barrage of strips centered around cleanliness vs. sloppiness? Has Scaduto not gotten any entries for a while so he’s just rehashing the same one over and over?

  302. Smurt the wind raker
    May 4th, 2007 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    Has anyone else noticed that the drawings of Vera, and Mary Worth, are facially very similar? Take a drawing of Mary Worth, block out the white hair and bun, substitute blond hair and pony tail and who do you have? Vera!

  303. Poteet
    May 4th, 2007 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    # 179 — CrabbyGenes, you said it. Ordinarily I find death scenes moderately interesting, but Luann is insipid no matter WHAT she does. And I like good botanical art, so her work offends me. Also, I resent the implication that Albert Pinkham Ryder wants her to join him in the afterlife. No one wants Luann for company, in this world or the next. Even that dweeb who has been assigned to rescue her is clearly reluctant to do it.

  304. Poteet
    May 4th, 2007 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    # 180 — Oh boy, AppleGirl, teal and magenta! This is getting better and better!

    # 195 — BWAHAHA! Nice, calico.

    # 198 — Pendragon, I think Hokey Pokey, a denim leisure suit, and a bleeding madras shirt are NEEDED at this event.

    # 221 — O’F, I agree. I just wish Apwil could sing it and do a harmonica solo in the middle.

    # 257 — gnome, I agree — that weenie classic belongs on the list, especially the line that goes something like “I wanna hold you til I die.”

  305. FOOBar
    May 4th, 2007 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    A few people have cast write-in votes for Brad from Luann, but how about some love for Dirk? He’s available now. Come on Liz — he’s buff, has a nice ride, and most importantly, dude’s not afraid to COMMIT. You know you want some of that.

    Sure, there’s the anger management issue, but that can actually be used to advantage. What better revenge on Wimpy McPornstache than having your new guy make him cry like a girl in front of his sexual harrassee?

  306. Poteet
    May 4th, 2007 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    # 283 — Spider-Brick, in that outfit, you are the best-looking brick I’ve ever seen.

  307. andreavis
    May 4th, 2007 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    #239 Hogen Mogen– Ha! I attended the wedding of a college friend who was a raging U2 fan. They played a game at the reception: each table had to think of, then sing, a song with “love” in the lyrics, and the couple would kiss. So our table (after a rendition of the theme from “The Love Boat”) came up with the verse from “One”: Love is a temple, love’s a higher law (repeat) We declined to complete the verse as you described.

    Good times! Beats the hell out of the Chicken Dance!!

  308. Islamorada Girl
    May 4th, 2007 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    Spider Brick–you be one fine lookin’ dude!

    And Guiliema–You are going to look totally faboo!

  309. Poteet
    May 4th, 2007 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

    # 297 — Gulielma, I especially look forward to seeing the butt bow!

  310. Genevieve
    May 5th, 2007 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    CrabbyGenes, My Mother is about your age. She was a keen fan for many years. In fact I think fbofw was one of the first comic strips she introduced me to. (when it was still a fairly new comic strip) There had been times over the years that we would follow the strip with interest. Since she is near Elly’s age, I am near Liz’s age -there were wonderful and funny things to relate to.
    Now? we read it as a form of masochism. Then we call or email each other and go, “WTF???” Proper bonding.
    Thankfully there are other comic strips we love and can be giddy about. Aldomania! My Mother thought she had finally broken her Mary Worth habit a few years ago and it came back with a certain kind of strength.
    Yeah we are dorks.

  311. CrabbyGenes
    May 6th, 2007 at 12:12 am [Reply]

    to #310, Genevieve. Thanks for answering. Sounds like your mom and I would get along. And I’m developing a theory that perhaps the most vehement Foob haters are people like me, for whom it paralleled the raising of their own kids, and who might have read it to their own kids.

  312. takeme!
    May 7th, 2007 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    Jeez – leave town for a few days and come home to one of the few pleasures in a life full of business travel: sitting down with eight consecutive comics pages! (I make it a point not to read the funnies while I’m on the road just so I can do this).

    But what do I find? The Chronicle has done a strip replacement! And they’ve replaced Piranha Club, one of my favorites. I’ll admit it’s not a classic, but it offers occasional bits of wit.

    The new strip, My Cage (and it is new – the blurb says it’s just started, only syndicated in 40 papers), may turn out to be good.

    The thing tearing me up, though, is this is the latest of several replacements that have displaced many deserving strips, while the dimwit, ugly, no-humor, hideously-drawn, waste of space Close to Home remains.

    Just kill it, Kyrie, just kill it. Don’t replace it, just get rid of it. I wouldn’t fret too much over lost readership . . . anyone who finds Close to Home remotely entertaining is very likely confined somewhere and can’t patronize your advertisers.

    Use the space to make the remaining strips a bit larger.

  313. messody
    May 8th, 2007 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    I think lizradbreath is one kitten shy of being the cat lady

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