Archive: Gil Thorp

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Gil Thorp, 1/18/17

Ahahahaha, I fully predicted this dumb plot twist in Gil Thorp! This reminds me of the time I successfully predicted that Gil’s ex-girlfriend would go back to teaching high school as a reality-show stunt, or that the nerdlinger basketball student manager was giving one of the players placebo adderall. I’m not sure which explanation is more unsettling: that I have a strange, psychic connection to Gil Thorp, or that, despite the fact that the “twists” in the strip’s plots are hilariously transparent, I’ve still spent a significant portion of my adult life to parsing the details with the same attention that a yeshiva scholar would dedicate to the Talmud.

Mary Worth, 1/18/17

I also predicted that Iris and Dawn would encounter each other at this dance party, but failed to predict that Dawn’s outfit would get even more hilarious below the shoulders. Is that a … romper? Or an overall dress? An overall dress with giant buckles? The crucifix is a nice touch, too. Is this … goth? Is Dawn goth? Or did she get bitten by a radioactive Hot Topic or something?

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 1/18/17

Well, well, well, it looks like the residents of Hootin’ Holler consider forcing animals to fight for their amusement to be shameful an’ illegal, but consider forcing them to race for their amusement to be A-OK? That’s an interesting moral distinction that’s … uh, shared by society at large, so never mind, carry on.

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Mary Worth, 1/14/17

OH SNAP GUYS THIS IS A METAPHOR! A metaphor for Iris’s current romantic dilemma, where she has to choose between Zak and Wilbur! It might not be obvious at first, but once you look at the details I think you’ll find it’s pretty clear:

  • Zak is a simple grad student without much money, so his activities with Iris will be limited to things like bowling and cheap concerts for local bands. Iris is satisfied by her sexual encounters with Zak so consistently that they’ve almost become routine.
  • Wilbur, meanwhile can afford the go-go world travelling lifestyle that only a lucrative syndicated newspaper columnist career can subsidize, voyaging to exotic Antarctica and Japan on a whim. However, due to Wilbur’s age and constant mayonnaise consumption, his heart could go at any time, meaning that any relationship with him could lack longevity. Zak, by contrast, is healthy and twenty years younger than Iris, and thus unlikely to predecease her.

It seems like a difficult choice! I don’t envy her!

Hi and Lois, 1/14/17

I really appreciate the amount of care that’s been put into the accoutrements of Thirsty’s sloth here. I’m particularly fond of the fact that there are two sock but only one shoe in evidence, that there’s a can of PBR on the floor and pint and shot glasses on the coffee table (no coasters, natch), and that there are multiple books strewn about, since just because you’re a slob doesn’t mean you’re a philistine. But the best for sure is Thirsty’s big smile as he naps on the Flagston’s couch. He hasn’t been this happy in years!

Gil Thorp, 1/14/17

“Aaron, your teammates overheard you talking about taking drugs. This is extremely serious.”

“But what if … I don’t offer you any explanation, and you wait until the end of the week when I reveal the truth in a dramatic fashion at the game against our biggest conference rival?”

“Enh, that’ll work.”

Marvin, 1/14/17

Ha ha! It’s funny because Jeff is happy to let Marvin stew in his own feces, as long as he doesn’t have to smell it!

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(Hey! What’s with the new site design? What’s this business in the top menu about “membership?” Get all the info here!)

Guys, apologies that Important Website Development delayed my return to comics blogging for [looks at watch] 16 days?!!??!?!?! Holy cats, that means a lot of strips to tear through in my traditional beginning-of-the-year comics recapping of the stuff I missed in the continuity strips. Let’s get to it!

Gil Thorp, 12/24/16

One of my favorite things about Gil Thorp is how Coach Thorp and Coach Mrs. Coach Thorp used to have two hideous children who appeared on their Christmas card with them, and now those children don’t appear on said Christmas card anymore and also anywhere else in the strip. What do you think is the most likely fate of the Thorplings?

  • Died in tragic “accident”
  • Sent away to boarding school, graduated three years ago but parents forgot to go pick them up
  • Coach Kaz sent to the past to surreptitiously add birth control to the Thorps’ water supply, removing the children from the timestream altogether

Mary Worth, 12/24/16

Wilbur, meanwhile, in Antarctic exile and unaware that Iris has very quickly moved on, looks at the stars and takes solace that, despite the vast distance between them, he and his beloved are both under the same sky. They’re not, though! There are totally different constellations in the Southern Hemisphere. You have nothing in common anymore, Wilbur! Nothing!

Mary Worth, 12/25/16

Back at Charterstone, we get what I think is our first glimpse at the new art team’s rendition of Dr. Jeff and the Camerons. And it’s a doozy of an introduction! Dr. Jeff is wide-eyed in wonder and delight at the sight of the monochromatic Christmas ham Mary is presenting him with; meanwhile, the Camerons are celebrating the holiday in the traditional manner, by watching TV in the dark and feeding each other off of plates balanced precariously in their laps, an image that will haunt me (and, I presume, all of you) for years.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/25/16

Good news! Little Sarah finally woke up, possibly after being healed by baby Jesus!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/26/16

Bad news! Sarah has amnesia! Actually, if she ever gets called to testify against her erstwhile mob associates, that’s still good news.

Curtis, 12/27/16

By the way, despite last year’s brief return to form, Curtis honored its recent tradition by failing to honor its longer-established tradition and spinning an insane Kwanzaa fable, unless you consider this tale of urban real estate to the be the insanest Kwanzaa fable of all.

Dick Tracy, 12/29/16

New-look Dick Tracy continues to milk that comics nostalgia for all it’s worth, bringing the Spirit on for a guest spot and providing red-hot brightly-colored-hat-on-brightly-colored-hat action. Anyway, here’s Dick telling his counterpart that he’s a tool of the state, imposing the harsh order that a sullen citizenry secretly wants but could never bring itself to ask for.

Mary Worth, 12/30/16

Whoops! Iris is going to a concert with Zak and his millennial friends, and she overdressed! Like all people born in the early ’70s, Iris has never been to a so-called “rock and roll” show, and is unaware of the socially acceptable forms of dress at such events.

Mark Trail, 12/31/16

Hey, Mark, maybe you should wait until that boat gets to shore before you start bragging.

Mark Trail, 1/1/17

Or maybe the boat is going to get eaten by that nightmarish 30-foot-long gelatinous tube-thing? Ever think of that? That Cherry and Bill will have their nights haunted by the image of you being slowly digested by millions of microscopic mouths and the bill for the boat, respectively?

Mary Worth, 1/2/17

Back in Santa Royale, Zak likes that Iris dressed like an old lady at this concert, and is rewarding her with some erotic finger-touching.

Mark Trail, 1/3/17

Back in Kauai, Mark didn’t get Cal’s boat blown up or eaten at all, and Abbey is rewarding him with some erotic finger-touching.

Gil Thorp, 1/4/17

Oops, looks like we’ve learned why Aaron Aargard is so inconsistent: when he goes to all those warehouse raves, he’s totally high on drugs! According to this Three’s Company-style accidental overhearing of a partial conversation, anyway. It’s even money that “Molly” is actually his girlfriend, whose name is Molly.

Mary Worth and Mark Trail, 1/4/17

OH MY GOD THINGS ARE JUST GETTING MORE EROTIC! NEAR NOSE-TO-NOSE CONTACT! AWKWARD CAR HUGGING! I CAN’T BELEIVE THEY PRINT THIS STUFF IN THE NEWSPAPER WHERE CHILDREN COULD SEE IT, IF CHILDREN EVER LOOKED AT THE NEWSPAPER!

Mary Worth and Mark Trail, 1/5/17

Oops, never mind, Mark mentioned his wife and Iris was reminded that Wilbur exists, all eroticism has been aborted with extreme prejudice.

Judge Parker, 1/6/17

Oops, the mysteriously returned Sophie stumbled upon Sam’s crazy person conspiracy board! If she’s the know-it-all we all remember and love, she’s hopefully going to critique all the many ways he screwed this up. By the way, there are few large-font headlines I can think of that would be more hilarious that “VAN FOUND.”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/6/17

OH NO, SARAH’S AMNESIA TOOK AWAY ALL OF HER ART SKILLS! She is working overtime to prove, to whoever might want to know, the cops or the FBI or the DA or whoever, that she doesn’t know anything about any mob ladies or any art forgers in the employ of said mob ladies, no sir.

Crankshaft, 1/6/17

Hey, remember how the young people in Crankshaft bought that old movie theater? Well, they’re having sex in it now. Young people! Is there anywhere they won’t have sex?

Anyway! I’m back and I’m blogging again and my 2017 resolution is the same as it always is: to keep writing jokes about the comics until they make me stop! Brace yourself for another fun year!