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Archive: Gil Thorp

126

Look, people NEED TO KNOW about this local mattress store, OK

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Gil Thorp, 11/25/22

Gil has dug some old game tape out of a box to give us the supervillain origin story of his hated coaching rival, and the truly shocking information we learn is that (a) back in 1987 ,Marty Moon had a Fu Manchu mustache, and (b) back in 1987, football broadcasts used to just cut to commercial in the middle of some of the most exciting plays in the game.

Dennis the Menace, 11/25/22

Dennis’s grandfather always looks smug, but he’s really turned it up a notch here. “That’s right, George,” he’s thinking, “You have to put up with this little brat’s bullshit 24/7, and I get to come visit occasionally, get all the credit and affection, then fly back to my ‘active seniors’ community in Palm Springs just in time for the weekly key party. Suck it, loser!”

Dustin, 11/25/22

Dustin’s pal Fitch hasn’t really had much of a personality developed other than “is dumb,” so it’s quite striking to learn today that he’s a problem drinker with a great deal of self-loathing about it. Fitch, I hope you draw comfort in knowing that all of us have our struggles! For instance, I experience quite a bit of self-loathing because I’m able to remember the names of secondary Dustin characters without looking them up.

212

Monday is for mildly injured children

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Gil Thorp, 11/21/22

Uh oh, it looks like the fall Gil Thorp storyline is tacking another important teen trend: the scourge of Advil addiction. Today’s kids think nothing about popping four “Vitamin I” caplets every two or three hours even though the label clearly says you should only do it four times a day. It’s been in Time and Newsweek! And you do not want to know what those sick freaks are doing with Icy Hot.

Family Circus, 11/21/22

I’m a little unnerved by the contrast between the big star being emitted by Billy’s foot, which generally indicates serious pain, and his dispassionate facial expression. “Hmm,” he seems to be thinking, “It appears that I’ve managed to injure one of my lesser extremities. Thank goodness I’ve hacked my neurological stack so that I’m receiving the relevant data from my pain receptors but am not distracted by it.”

Six Chix, 11/21/22

How’s everyone’s Thanksgiving shaping up? Have you got your dinner planned out? Are you sure you have enough pie for the w o o d   d e m o n s

221

They can’t all be highbrow, folks

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Gasoline Alley, 11/18/22

Big Good Some news, everybody: Rufus has managed to use his sexual wiles to help Walt make his big dream of hanging off the back of a garbage truck come true. The Sanitation Department will definitely get some good publicity out of this, unless Walt falls off and terribly injures himself, which is actually a pretty likely scenario. I mean, that’s why they banned sanitation workers from doing this in the first place, and none of those guys are supercentenarian World War I vets. In that case, the publicity will end up being pretty bad: lawsuits from the family, Denzel Washington giving a press conference disavowing knowledge of or participation in this stunt, etc.

Marvin and Dennis the Menace, 11/18/22

I find comics where the punchline is “Ha ha, lady can’t cook even though cooking is lady’s job” fairly distasteful, and have come to conclusion that I like the ones where it’s the lady’s son slagging on her cooking even worse than the ones where it’s her husband doing it. That seems a bit unfair, since a grown man could easily cook for himself and a little kid couldn’t, but you have remember that these jokes are written by and for grown men, which make the mommy issues tied up in them all the more distressingly apparent.

Gil Thorp, 11/18/22

There’s something funny to me about how “wet” is emphasized unnaturally here. “I heard you still wet the bed. Whereas me? I dry the bed. That’s what I call it when I make a real cakey poop when I’m sleeping.”