The Comics Curmudgeon

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Cheesecake!

So okay, I’m going to pass by the opportunity for a vulgar chuckle from the previous post’s title, and jump right in medias res, the res being ~~my bizarre obsession with Milton Caniff~~ cheesecake as an art form in the funnies!

It’s a cliché that geeky teenage guys draw to create girls they’re too shy to meet. Their older selves fill the funnies, like those notebooks, with heroic-proportioned, implausibly-architected women draped and stretched to the limits of a censor’s patience. June, Edda, Blondie, Abbey, Trudi, . . . most of us can recite the list one-handed.

Cheesecake strips have a special tradition in military publications, possibly to “remind our boys what they’re fightin’ for” or maybe just because they appeal to the narrow reader demographic. Here’s Milton Caniff’s WWII contribution:

Male Call, 1943

This started as an unauthorized weekly spin-off from Caniff’s successful Terry and the Pirates, reformulated as Male Call when a paying T&P customer complained. Caniff, master of narrative compression, put a complete story arc in every strip. Link on over to Humorous Maximus to see the colorized banner. Really — do that. By the way, the indispensible Web source on this — and comic history in general — is Don Markstein’s Toonopedia™, with which you should plan to spend a rainy day sometime soon.

Sally Forth, 1978

And here’s a mind-bender: yes, this is Sally Forth, as she appeared in Overseas Weekly for years, starting in 1971 — check out Toonopedia for the full history, and a look at Sally’s nominally heterosexual but clearly underequipped male sidekick — an oddly apt foreshadowing. Sally Forth combines ’50’s gender roles with ’60’s (post-Annie Fanny) sexual tolerance and hallucinogenic plot elements that are all ’70’s.

Nancy, 8/13/07

Now, I know I can’t say “cheesecake” without somebody saying “Fritzi Ritz.” (Also Brandy from Frank Cho’s Liberty Meadows, but c’mon — that’s a zombie strip.) Far be it from me to disputare anybody’s gustum, but today’s Fritzi just doesn’t ring my bell — too heavily inked and larded up with sexual signifiers. And the constant “shout-outs” in this strip — three in the first panel — betray an author’s lack of confidence that the material can stand on its own.

In the ’50’s and pre-3G ’60’s, Aunt Fritzi was one of the few unattached young adults in comics (Mr. Tweedy was another). Her phone calls from suitors or preparations for an evening out gave a peek into a hidden world — now that was sexy.

Okay Okay Okay! So here’s the question, and I’m not the first to ask it: where are the hot guys in today’s newspaper comics? 9CL’s Seth, got it. Surely not A3G’s Alan/Eric/Gary/ . . . /Joe, or anybody in Mary Worth. There are plenty of examples from comic books, or Web comics, or in the past, but here? Now?

Has the TV sitcom big-slob-hot-chick trope invaded the funny pages? Or have we guys just lost it, and the comics reflect our diminished state? Let’s hear it!

– Uncle Lumpy

This entry was posted on Saturday, September 1, 2007 at 03:44 pm and is filed under General.

135 responses to “Cheesecake!”

The Spectacular Spider-Brick
September 1st, 2007 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

First! And Josh isn’t here to delete it! Ha ha!

Sure wish I had something to say here. Um…

MW: Drew may be standing up to Mary’s meddling, but his face is shrinking in terror.
willethompson
September 1st, 2007 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

Once again, Uncle Lumpy takes us to new places which, interestingly, are old places. Thanks, UL, and I’m sure Poteet will bake you some cookies for the T&P reference.
whoamItoday?
September 1st, 2007 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

so that’s what it takes to be early in the thread, don’t go to bed.

I came here with something to say…about PBS. I was just reading the archive, …come on fluffy brain, what was…

OH, yeah, Pastis, reveal yourself. I know you’re in here somewhere.

um, your comic self portraits are the best looking guy in the comics. there, now will you come out of hiding?
ChristianPinko
September 1st, 2007 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

Uncle Lumpy, what do you mean Liberty Meadows is a zombie strip? Who’s writing/drawing it?
MonkeyHawk
September 1st, 2007 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

Yank magazine?

I think I get the reference.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
September 1st, 2007 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

It’s amazing, if one googles “Sally Forth,” how many of the top hits are the Wally Wood version, vs. the Ces version. I guess big tits trump a “That Girl” flip, even four decades later.

And a CC image comparing two SF and Zits strips is on the top page. Nice. Right after a photo of a very, very pregnant young lady.
Old Man Muffaroo [Inka Dinka Kip W]
September 1st, 2007 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

Yeah, Aunt Fritzi seems okay at first glance, but the second glance and thereafter are disappointing. The Bushmiller Fritzi is much more economical and well crafted.

I don’t know the whereabouts at the moment, but I’ve encountered numerous scans online of 8-page “Tijuana Bible” comics — The Kind Men Like. There’s a fascinating look at the American Underbelly.
Meander
September 1st, 2007 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

Uncle Lumpy, what do you mean Liberty Meadows is a zombie strip? Who’s writing/drawing it?

Frank Cho stopped doing new LM strips some time ago — he never enjoyed the ongoing censorship from his syndicators. LM has continued in repeats while Frank concentrates on comics and other projects.

Thanks for your work, unclelumpy — I hope you and Josh can come to some agreement and you keep posting with him.
McManx
September 1st, 2007 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

Pardon, Uncle Lumpy. Nobody, but nobody did cheesecake better than Al Capp. His Daisy Mae has been oft copied, but never equalled. http://www.lil-abner.com/daisymae.html

Of course Cho’s Brandy is pretty hot…
Old Man Muffaroo [Inka Dinka Kip W]
September 1st, 2007 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

Spider-Brick @6 – Wally Wood’s version also has something I have yet to discern in the current Sally Forth: emotion. I expect I’ll see one of those characters throttling another some day, and they’ll both have that meaningless smile (usually associated with senility) on their blank-eyed mugs.

Wood also took Sally to the porno phase in the late 70s or 80s. I’ve found three reprinted volumes of them, apparently originally in the pages of Screw. The drawing was about as good as ever, though the work of what I presume were assistants was highly variable. The jokes were even good part of the time. The overall feeling, though, was of disgust and weariness. I thought he was bitter when he parodied his own classic “My World” as “My Word” around ‘76, but he still had farther to fall. It was a final finger to the world: “Everything sucks. My own characters suck. I don’t give a fuck.” (paraphrased)

It still hurt to lose him, though. He was The Man.
Islamorada Girl
September 1st, 2007 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

Yank Magazine was issued to servicemen during WWII. I’m sure if the Powers that Be realized the pun, they would have been horrified.

The Unca gives me a chance to point out the excellent reuns of Caniff’s post-war Steve Canyon strips are also on Humorous Maximus. Good old fashioned, riproaring adventure stuff in exotic locales, with hot dames and a cast of genuine characters. Check it out.
SecretMargo
September 1st, 2007 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

Uncle Lumpy! How can you forget Rex and Sam? They make me envy the artists lucky enough to limn them.
anais ninja
September 1st, 2007 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

I object to the statement that there are no hot men in the comics.
There’s something so downright alluring about Mark Trail’s robotic, asexual, hard-to-get demeanor and bluish hair.

No, really though, he’s pretty hot. And Jack Elrod has given us the occasional shot of him naked from the waist up, reclining in bed.
Spotted HØrse
September 1st, 2007 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

Uncle Lumpy, what about guys who are supposedly hot? For example, I think Mark Trail’s supposed to be sexy, but somehow doesn’t come off as sexy, if you’ll pardon the pun.

Many male characters act horny, but they sure don’t inspire horny. Shucks, I don’t know. Can it be that cartoonists… gasp… aren’t real sexy? I think that shyness is almost a prerequisite to cartooning, and that shy male cartoonists are inhibited about projecting any sense of confidence in their male characters. Cocksure they ain’t.
exelizabeth
September 1st, 2007 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

In the spirit of vintage comics, I’m rereading “The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay,” which I think any self-respecting comics (or comic book) lover/hater should read (or really, anyone with taste; it’s an amazing book), and I came across this passage:

“The drop-off in quality that followed the original-content [in comics book] revolution was immediate and precipitous. Lines grew tentative, poses awkward, compositions static, backgrounds nonexistent. Feed, notoriously difficult to draw in realistic depth, all but disappeared from the panels, and noses were reduced to the simplest variations on the twenty-second letter of the alphabet…”

It goes on vibrantly, but I’ll stop there and say when I read this passage, I scrawled Gil Thorp in the margins next to it.
Dub Not Dubya
September 1st, 2007 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

I just got back from my local Tim Horton’s (here in Rhode Island), and sure enough, they have butter tarts. I recognized them from the description and asked the clerk if that’s what they were. The ones I saw had pecans, and she said they also sell a version with raisins. I had seen them there before but had never paid them any attention, just figured they were pecan pies that they kept on hand in case Mini-Me stopped by.
unclelumpy
September 1st, 2007 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

#9 McManx –

I’ll see your Daisy Mae, and raise you one Moonbeam McSwine.
commodorejohn
September 1st, 2007 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

A3G – “This muffin is my one true love!”

Archie – True dat.

A.D. – Great, now ZomB.C. has not only general unfunnyness, but ludicrous anachronism as well. King Arthur (whom Lancelot served before betraying) was supposed to have existed sometime in the late 400s-early 500s A.D. (factual basis for Arthur’s existence is of course quite skimpy, however.) Maid Marian was the love of Robin Hood, who was the principal thorn in the side of Prince John, who was born in 1166. I don’t think any further elaboration is required for one to see the problem here. (And, of course, there’s the perennial question of “how do the cavemen know about all this,” but I think we’ve already established that B.C. takes place in a Teenage Caveman/Planet Of The Apes-esque post-apocalyptic world, and Cute Chick has unearthed a book from the ruins of a public library and taught herself to read.)

DT – AHH MAKE SOME SENSE ALREADY

FC – Good God, just how large is PJ?

FOOB – “We’ll always be in total control of our progeny!”

GT – “I can’t wait to see you kick!” Also, Bill has apparently amputated his right arm as well.

H&L – Chip manages to fail at a prank that was lame even in the concept stage.

MF – Translation: Tinsley can dish it out, but can’t take it.

MW – Disturbing. Deeply disturbing.

MC – Actually, Norm’s the kind of guy I’d expect to listen to J-pop.

Pluggers – Pluggers are morbidly obese. Maybe I’m not a Plugger after all.

RMMD – Peter, you’re a horrible excuse for a villain. Heather, wipe that thing off your nose. Criminy, where’s June? Someone needs to give these losers a good talking-to.

SM – No, Peter, trouble has brewed. And been poured. And had cream and sugar stirred in. And sat on the counter until it got cold. You are late. Very, very late.
Cornwhacker
September 1st, 2007 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

Gilchrist’s Aunt Fritzi seems to have sprouted a Mart Trailian forelock that, as far as I can tell, was never part of Bushmiller’s original design. Have Mark and Fritzi started swapping styling secrets?
Spotted HØrse
September 1st, 2007 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

Oh! Oh! Cedric the Super Butler! Don’t forget about Cedric’s masculine buttlin’!
Slushman
September 1st, 2007 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

well, hot guys eh?
hm… well… what about that guy Luann was in love with for years? Aaron Hill… yeah, he’s a classic studcrushprepguy from High School…

I imagine that Indie Rock Pete from “Diesel Sweeties” is kinda hot in a loserish way, which is the way I like ‘em!

What about Dick Tracy? With manly square jaw and lightly silvered hair, as well as his angry macho fighting. That’s hot to some I’m almost certain!

I think Peter Parker is supposed to be sexy to…

You know what? This is a great question! I seriously had to think about it… yay!
Meander
September 1st, 2007 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

Oh, and when did Aunt Fritzi become Latina?
MonkeyHawk
September 1st, 2007 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

I like “ZomB.C.” and will use the term hereon.
Les
September 1st, 2007 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

“Sally Forth” is a pun on British military terminology: “set out in a sudden, energetic or violent manner.” Which is obvious given that the name of the general is Quewpie Doll.

I don’t know if two cartoons using the same pun to name their title character implies a further connection. Maybe the modern Sally Forth is a homage to the earlier one.
Deschanel
September 1st, 2007 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

Hot guys.. well, like you said, there are sexual signifiers that cartoons can give woment to signify cheesecake, the va-va-va-voom is apparent when you see it. Hair, makeup, tight clothes, bosoms etc.

But it’s trickier to signify male sexiness the same way in a comic strip without looking ridiculous. I suppose Rex Morgan MD is supposed to be terribly square-jawed and handsome, but it’s hard to telegraph. Presuming 90 percent of cartoonists ate heterosexual men of a certain age, they’d probably not be interested in doing sexy men (no pun ..well maybe a lil) except as parody.
Deschanel
September 1st, 2007 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

“Are”, not “ate”! God that typo was ridiculous..
:)
Tex LeBeauf
September 1st, 2007 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

Unca Lumpy,

Regarding McManx’s comment on the great masturbatory fuel that Al Capp produced for decades, the Gilchrist Fritzie (sounds like a forbidden sexual act, now that I see it written, maybe something Senators do in airport bathrooms) looks very much inspired by Daisy Mae.

And what was the third lame shoutout? I caught Walt Kelly and Richie Furay but am coming up blank on the third.

Speaking of Male Call, there’s a nice example in Robert C. Harvey’s “Children of the Yellow Kid,” which also features a Sunday Mary Worth from the end of WWII, in which MW is a short fat old crone who at one point thinks “I don’t relish this snooping.”
unclelumpy
September 1st, 2007 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

#27 Tex –

. . . what was the third lame shoutout?

The plug for Goodwill Industries.
Sid
September 1st, 2007 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

Well, there is that muscular bull thing in Slylock Fox…
Islamorada Girl
September 1st, 2007 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

Seth is the only hot guy in the comics, and he doesn’t count for the ladies, because he’s playing for SecretMargo and Dingo’s team. Seriously, I cannot think of one hot guy in the comics. Steve Canyon’s just too much, the superheroes are a joke, the Dagwoods and Teds are just enh. . . . oh, wait. There IS Popeye! No, nevermind. . . aw, I give up. No hot studmuffin beefcake in the comix.
Poteet
September 1st, 2007 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

Uncle Lumpy, I do indeed appreciate your posting Caniff and referring to Terry and the Pirates. I’m not so good with cookies, alas, but I hereby hand you a virtual bottle of Laphroaig, along with my deep thanks.

As for hot comic guys today, I guess I’d have to say again that I’d take Galactic Emperor Chennux over the comic-guy assortment I know about. “Take” in a teeshirt sense, that is. I wouldn’t dare presume to suggest taking His Magnificentness in any other way.
MonkeyHawk
September 1st, 2007 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

#25 — Deschanel:

“…Presuming 90 percent of cartoonists ate heterosexual men of a certain age…”

Don’t apolgize for your (alleged) “typo.”

I think you’ve hit on something!

Not that there’s anything wrong with that, and all that, I suspect Tinsley flies to Minneapolis just to use the restroom.

All the characters in (DT)GT look like macho men, even the males.

The male lions in PBS only mentioned “wives.” We all know better.

Margo loves her muffins.

The only ball Lynn Johnston hasn’t busted is the one that PJ is humping.

It all makes sense now!

(Well, actually, just about none of it makes sense. But I digress…)
The Avocado Avenger
September 1st, 2007 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

I’m not too familiar with Li’l Abner, but his Jethro Clampett physique is seriously hot.

The Tick also has a great bod. However, you’ll notice a lot of really well-built, handsome men in comics are mentally deficient in some respect. Both Li’l Abner and Tick have a childlike quality that makes their overdeveloped manly physiques kind of disturbing.

(Aside to True Fable: I did try to reply to you twice last night but the server ate my posts both times, so, sorry. I wasn’t ignoring you.)
Captain Thunder
September 1st, 2007 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

Slylock, baby. It’s all Slylock. Chicks dig a guy for his mind, yo.

Plus, he’s a stone-cold fox.
MrP
September 1st, 2007 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

I’m sure I saw a Zippy the Pinhead strip that copied that Sally Forth strip panel for panel.

Except that both the mouse and the woman were replaced with Zippy himself.
SecretMargo
September 1st, 2007 at 6:10 pm [Reply]

17: Do you have different voices for your differently typed nom de blog? With-caps “Uncle Lumpy,” in my head, is sardonic, bass, and wry. No caps “unclelumpy” is leaning in to whisper something sly to me, or is doing that “little bit softer now” thing that people do when they sing “Shout!”

How do you decide?

—————————————–

Also, I see I have no takers on the Sam and Rexophilia. And I realize images like this unsettlingly clinical ice cream suckdown spectacular are not for the squeamish. But still, I just can’t get enough of my petty, pretty Rexy! I mean, just look at him here, all boy~~crazy~~ish and bushy-tailed in his snazzy golf polo (it reminds him of Troy!), or here in a terry-cloth blue robe! Complete with FrownyFace! What more do you people want?!

I’m a “latecomer” re: Mr. Driver, but this casual Playgirl pose a few Sundays ago put me over the edge.

And Spotted is right about the allure of Suddenly Cedric, especially after we got a glimpse of his taste for bondage and punque au vin.

And re: the only out gayboy in the comics that I can think of (Lawrence has been MIA for quite a while, and besides he’s caught in a domestic nightmare of his own with yet another of Lynn’s horrifying John clones): I’ve said it before, but I have to re-iterate–I really appreciate Brooke’s efforts (I do!), especially his apparent bravery in “going there” with the nipples and all, but Seth is just too….curliqued? He’s somehow just too hairless and pretty for me to really “get behind.” Like he’s made entirely out of frosting? Or soft serve? Does that make sense?

*to the tune of Maude — “And then there’s Teeeeed!” (And Bea Arthur was quite handsome in her time as well, come to think of it…)

Ladies and gents, am I alone here?
Rhekarid
September 1st, 2007 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

The hottest guy in comics is, bar none, Ted Forth. With his tiny hands and his poofy hair and his geeky sensibilities. He’s like a realistic Conan O’Brian. Rowr.
windie
September 1st, 2007 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

speaking of slylock fox and Cheesecake, do you think Weber pulled the character after the ‘whups, theres porn!’ incident? She doesnt’ seem to have been in a strip since.
windie
September 1st, 2007 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

*the Cassandra Cat character,

whups
SecretMargo
September 1st, 2007 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

39: He sort of did the exact opposite, actually.
kurt
September 1st, 2007 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

ZITS rather inept, sexually zero father figure reminds me of a sitcom parent, with SF’s Ted doing it to a much lesser extent.

Wrt “hunks”, most of those (Punisher, Wolverine, Tony Stark, seem to be in monthly publications, not daily strips.
The “Ghost Who Parades His Striped Butt” is a beefy example from the current daily crowd (sorry Popeye; you is strong to da finich, but your arms need more spinach!).

As for “cheesecake”, Aunt Fritz works better in color, don’tcha think?
Meanwhile JP, SM, and RMMD are pretty heavy on the cheesecake lately. Could the day come when the plastic expanding JP’s Trudi someday utters the line “I’ve fallen and I CAN’T GET UP !! ? ;-)
Captain Thunder
September 1st, 2007 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

Somewhere out there, there is a Nancy strip in which Fritzi Ritz is eating a slice of cake. Somewhere. Now, someone must put that image on a shirt with the caption “CHEESECAKE!” They must. I want that shirt. If I cannot have said shirt, I will DESTROY THIS WORLD.
kurt
September 1st, 2007 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

Oh yes, the Sally Forth and Milton Caniff were most interesting! Can one imagine the screams of ultra conservative parents purchasing SF archives, only to end up with Wally Wood strips?
Dingo
September 1st, 2007 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

#30 Islamorada Girl: I realize that Chickweed’s Seth is supposed to be eye candy for me but I’ve never gotten into the hairless beach apes of ballet. Now… when I saw Disney’s animated Beauty and the Beast and Gaston got to the part in his song where he sang, “And every last inch of me covered in hair” I swooned like a Wellesley girl for the Yale football captain. The man in the comics who gets my dinghy floating is Ozzie.
Brown-eyed Girl
September 1st, 2007 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

Uncle Lumpy — Thanks for such an interesting post. Deschanel (25) makes an interesting point — there are a common collection of physical traits that signify a “sexy woman”, but there isn’t a comparable stereotype for a “sexy man.” Sherry Hite noted that when her researchers asked men to describe what they found attractive in women, the men generally responded with a list of physical characteristics. When women were asked the same question about men, they generally responded with a list of personality traits.

I suppose that muscle-bound guys (e.g., superheroes) are supposed to be eye-candy because they have big muscles. And yet, the Phantom’s stripy butt gets more favorable comment here than his (or any other comic characters’) lovingly drawn pecs. Seth in 9CL does have big muscles, but I think he’s a hot guy because he is smart and has a romantic streak as well as a great body.

So, why are there so few hot men in the comic pages? I think most comic artists draw what appeals to them. They may not know (or care) what is visually appealing to the opposite gender. Most of the funny page artists are male, so most of the sexy drawings are of women.

One other question that interests me is whether there is a double standard when it comes to sexualized depictions of men. It’s acceptable to show women in skimpy clothes and bathing suits and in suggestive postures, but I wonder if the censors would allow the same thing with male characters
windie
September 1st, 2007 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

@40 how the (&*$*#($& did I miss that?
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
September 1st, 2007 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

It does seem to be kind of slim pickings out there. Perhaps the handsomest man in today’s non-soap strips is this John fellow.

And if you have a thing for Buster Keaton, you might be attracted to the male acquaintance of the Lockhorns who you sometimes see.
Robert Whitaker Sirignano
September 1st, 2007 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

A lot of the better Al Capp drawings of Daisy May and the other women of LI’L ABNER were drawn by Frank Frazetta for about five years.

Of the comic strips I loathe, most of them seem to be the anochronisticly themed ones: I like the drawing in HAGAR, but the writing and logic aren’t funny. Frequent mentions of lawyers in the strip in a time period when there were no lawyers only annoys me. Ditto CROCK and B.C and THE WIZARD OF ID.

The attempts at doing BC from older drawings was tried at the New Yorker with James Thurber cartoons after he’d gotten very blind. Sharped eyed readers protested and inquired and the practice was stopped.

Why would I be interested in “sexy” males?

Most of the guys in comic strips reflect reality: slobs and jerks, with a frequent dweeb, nice guy or two. No one really interesting.

One of the lesser known Wally Wood publications was his storyboarding and editing of the first photograph/movie picture graphic novel HORROR OF PARTY BEACH. It’s interesting, and a better read than the movie was a view.

Is Tinsley of MALLARD FULLBORE infamy releated to Chester Tinsley, the guy who drew for HUSTLER and is now serving time for imitating his own work?
Brown-eyed Girl
September 1st, 2007 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

36. SecretMargo. Sorry, I just can’t go there with Rex. I agree with you about Sam, particularly that pose you linked to. It’s more the posture and attitude than the attributes.
unclelumpy
September 1st, 2007 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

#36 SM –

Do you have different voices for your differently typed nom de blog?

Well, sorta. Logged in to manage the site, I’m lower-case — I like to think of it as stripped to the waist like a Diego Rivera farmer. Browsing as a civilian, I’m upper — peering over half-glasses in my cozy black sweater-vest.
SecretMargo
September 1st, 2007 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

45: BEG – Part of the problem is that appreciation of physical beauty is always assumed to be a masculine trait, so if you show a beefy guy (like Archie on the beach sometimes), things suddenly seem marked “gay” because the desiring viewer is assumed to be male. The same thing deson’t happen showing pretty girls since female spectatorhsip has been historically absent, so artists never risk getting marked “lesbian.” So I’m not sure if it is newspaper censorship so much as comic artist self-censorship, like the male nipple taboo.
Jamus The Bartender
September 1st, 2007 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

THE CAT AND THE CURMUDGEON
Chapter Two
The Morning After

I was sleeping in my berth on board the interstellar flagship “Tarzana Nights” (long story), where I had something of a job tending bar for the cult led by Pope Josh, who has charged us with spreading the Word Of Snark….but you don’t wanna hear about religion here, do you? Anyway, my cell rang….it was Calvin.
“Hi, Calvin. How’s things?”
“Jamus, one of my bartenders quit on me and the other one had to go to the hospital for inhaling sealant fumes while sealing his hot tub. Can you fill in tonight?”
I sighed. “Fine, thanks, and yourself?”
“Listen, i’m serious….it’s ladie’s furry night , we open in thirty minutes and i’m understaffed. I’ll pay double time.”
Double Time. The magic words.
“I’ll be there soon as I can.”
After brush, brush, brushing my teeth and my rapidly graying hair, applying deodorant and finding a black t-shirt that was sort-of clean, I went to the bridge to ask GE Chennux if we could make a stop by Goldberg’s.
“I THOUGHT YOU QUIT THAT PLACE. ”
“Yeah, I did, but Calvin asked me to help him out. I kinda owe the guy. I mean, he’s never forgiven me for the police shoot-out.”
“THAT WASN’T EVEN YOUR FAULT. THAT WAS CA…”But he stopped short. Plus, it was hard to tell, but he looked sort of….nervous.
“It’s okay Chennux. You can say her name.”
“THAT’S A RELIEF” he said, while putting on his new Cassandra Cat t-shirt. The one Bob Weber drew with her dressed as the Bond girl, I forget which one. ” WE CAN STOP BY AFTER WE MAGMACANNON THE SHIT OUT OF CHICAGO STATION WLIT. THEY HAVE WRONGED ONE OF OUR NUMBER AND THEY MUST PAY.”
“Suits me….happy hour doesn’t really kick in for another forty-five minutes…”
————————————————————————

“You’re late.”Calvin said to me, dressed in his shiny pimp suit, hair slicked back, his earring firmly in place. He had the shakes. I prayed to God he hadn’t discovered crystal meth yet.
“I’m freelancing for you, and doing you a favor Cal. Knock it off. The Tarzana Nights has a schedule to adhere to.” I said, tying on a black apron.
Calvin wrung his hands. “I’m sorry. It’s just…tonight is gonna be busy. Anthony and Elizabeth are set to announce their engagement, so it’s gonna be wall to wall Canadian friends and family, along with the furries.”
I wasn’t sure which scared me more. ” Not to worry Calvin. All is under control.” I familiarized myself with the bar. Nothing had changed.
“That’s good. Oh, and Jamus…”
“Yeah?”
“Please don’t fuck the female customers.”
I sighed…”Are you legislating my off-hours, Calvin?”
“Dammit, i’m serious. The last time that Cassandra was in here, it took me weeks to get the bullet holes out of the damn walls.”
“Slylock and Max were carrying, not me, Calvin. Go talk to Hobbes. You’ll feel better.”
Calvin glared at me and left. I shouldn’t have burned him like that. It’s been years since Hobbes has even spoken to Calvin. He puts up a front, but it’s like Hobbes never existed. I was writing “Ladies Furry Night. Ladies Drink Free” on the mirror in erasable marker when this small, platinum and purple chihuahua dressed in a turtleneck sweater, proper plaid skirt and high heels clicked across the floor.
I turned around and smiled. “What’ll ya have?” I asked, sizing her up.
She sniffed and said curtly. ” A white wine. Please. ”
I poured out the white wine and slid it over, smiling. She didn’t smile back. She seemed pretty tightly wound up. “How much?” she asked.
“Lady furries drink free tonight. It’s your lucky night.”
She rolled her eyes and looked at me. “Listen, buster, don’t get any cute ideas. I’m just here for a drink, and i’ve got to go.”
I nodded…eyeing her form. Something had her wound up tight. ” I just meant ladies drink free is all…I apologize.”
I noticed she had already downed her drink.” Another one?” I asked?
She gave a slight nod. And curtly said “Please.” But not quite as curtly as the first time.
————————————————————————-
“Jamus, you have got to swear to me that you won’t tell anyone what we did last night…” a dishevled Violet T. Chihuahua said while padding around my apartment looking for he clothes. “Did you see where my panties went?”
“On top of the fridge. And I promise to keep your honor intact.” I said, lying in bed, drinking orange juice, straight up. “Sure you don’t want breakfast?”
“I’m sure, ” Violet said, snatching her underthings from the top of where I store my food. “And listen, i’m fucking serious. My fiancee finds out about this, he’ll kill me….”
I raised my head. “You told me the engagement was off.”
Violet looked a little sheepish as she wriggled back into her panties. “Well….it’s near as. Bastard’s been cheating on me. Dammit !!” She said as she fell backwards onto the floor. I got up to help her to her tiny feet. I must have registered an involuntary look of disapproval as she mentioned cheating. “Shut up.” she barked.
I nodded. ” I hear ya. Listen, I promise to you, on every stack of bibles in the place, stick a needle in my eye and all that, I will not tell anyone Violet T. Chihuahua slept with Jamus. ” I rolled my eyes. “Like I need that going around…”
Violet snapped on her bra, and threw her sweater on. “Well….good. Just so we…….WHAT IN HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?”
“What is what supposed to mean?” I asked with what I hoped was an innocent look.
” ‘Like you need that going around.’ You should be so fucking lucky, mister. I’ve heard about you. Ms. Buxley told me about you, Edda told me about you, after a six of Moosehead Liz told me about you….Bastard ! “She said , throwing a saucepan at me.
I dodged the saucepan. The wall wasn’t so lucky. That buffalo wing sauce was gonna be hell to remove. “Violet…listen…all I meant was….you’re obviously having problems with the boyfriend…and I didn’t wanna add to them. Maybe last night was a mistake…but I gotta tell you, it’s one of the best mistakes i’ve ever made.”
Violet softened a little bit at this. “Thank you. I’m sorry. It’s just…no one can know about this. Plus, you hang with those cartoon snarkers…”
“They shall hear of none of this.” I smiled.
“Thank you…plus…I dunno….Rex says he loves me…but he loves chili and football too. I think the only reason he’s even with me is because we can’t stand anyone else. ”
Violet sighed for a minute. “He’s never even told me he thinks i’m pretty.”
I got up….slid my hand up the back of Violet’s sweater and unhooked her bra…saying…”Violet….Yo quiero Violet Chihuahua.”
She gritted her teeth….her eyes smiling. ” I gotta be at work in an hour.”
“You’ll make it.”
***********************************************************
Two years ago:
A cuddly feline form slept on my chest, her claws extending and retracting in my chest, purring as she rested. Rain blew in from the north. Her claws hurt like hell. It was the best pain I had ever felt.
I whispered, “Wakey, wakey, eggs an’ bakey.”
She giggled, ” I wanna go back to sleep.”
I kissed her forehead, and slapped her on the butt. Her tail twitched as she said, “Owww” and blushed. That threw me. No one can fake a blush. She smiled up at me.
“I like my eggs over easy.”
“Why am I not suprised. ” I said as I ducked a pillow thrown at me.
———————————————————————-
After breakfast, she told me about her plans…”Anyway, I have to deliver the film to this other senator….Senator Bedfellow.”
“I’ve heard of him. Bloom County district. Have you…” I asked hesitantly.
She glared at me. “No.” she said, looking like she was gonna claw out something vital.
“I didnt’ mean…”
“Fuck you, I know what you meant.”
” I was just…”
“Listen, Jamus. I’ve done a lot of bad shit. I’ve slept with men i’m not proud of. I’ve stolen, lied, blackmailed, tried to get into movies for free…but i’ve never fucked for money, and I never will.”
She was serious. “I’m sorry.” I said. Wondering why I was being so apologetic to someone who wouldn’t have given me a second look were it not for the convenience of having worked at Goldberg’s the night she came in with the bird senator.
She took a breath, her chest heaving. Almost ready to pop out of the t-shirt she brought. “It’s okay. Listen, you really came through for me, and I yell at you like i’m your girlfriend…i’ve got no right. I really owe you.” She said seriously.
I smiled at her. “After last night, you can call it square.” I said, squeezing her hand.
There was that blush again. “Nooo…really. I should be thanking YOU.” She said, sliding her tail in a private place I can’t mention here because kids might be reading. “Seriously. I’m getting paid a lot of money for these pictures. Name your price.”
I thought about it. “Six bucks.”
She crooked an eyebrow. “What?”
“That should just cover the cost of those eggs and bacon you wolfed down…” She giggled, threw a piece of toast at me, I ducked, she leaped over the table, pinning me to the ground.
“Don’t you want anything, baby?” she asked, purring, licking my nose slightly.
“Only one thing I can think of right now…”
————————————————————————-
Thirty minutes later, we were curled up on the floor, Cass licking my hand…breath ragged, pulses slowing…and someone with her voice five minutes previous had said to me..
“I love you.”
Then..
“I’m sorry. That slipped out.”
For some reason, I didn’t care.
At the time when mature adults talk about such things, a knock came at the door. “Open up in there. Police.”
End Of Chapter Two
Brown-eyed Girl
September 1st, 2007 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

51. SecretMargo. Yes, I see what you mean, and I agree with you up to a point. I take exception to your statement that female spectatorship has been historically absent; I think it’s more accurate to say it has been historically ignored or suppressed. I suppose that 1 guy saying “gay!” has more influence than 10 women saying “cool!”
Sylphi
September 1st, 2007 at 7:00 pm [Reply]

I’m not sure there were every many hot guys in newspaper comics. Like you said, the medium seems to be dominated by guys drawing the kind of girls they’d like to date–very few of them are going to draw those girls dating guys more attractive than themselves.
Galactic Emperor Chennux®™©
September 1st, 2007 at 7:12 pm [Reply]

ATTENTION EARTHERS! ESPECIALLY THE ONE CALLED JAMUS THE BARTENDER! DROP AND GIVE ME TWENTY!

YOU LIED TO ME ABOUT GOLDBERGS? AND I LET YOU ON THE ‘TARZANA NIGHTS?’ MELKARDAMMIT! THE NEXT TIME THE DROP SHIP CALLS FOR YOU, YOU BETTER HAVE A CASE OF THE TOP SHELF STUFF FROM ISLAY TUCKED UNDER YOUR ARM! POTEET CAN GIVE YOU SPECIFICS! HAHA!

END TRANSMISSION!
unclelumpy
September 1st, 2007 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

Hey, here’s a treat from the artist of the old Sally Forth: 22 Comic panels that always work.
Galactic Emperor Chennux®™©
September 1st, 2007 at 7:22 pm [Reply]

ATTENTION EARTHERS! ESPECIALLY THE ONE CALLED #31 POTEET!

CHENNUX APPRECIATES YOUR SUGGESTION AND IS WORKING WITH THE GRAPHIC ARTISTS ENSLAVED ON ALDEBRAN SIX TO PRODUCE CHENNUX T-SHIRTS! ANY OTHER USE OF THE TERM ‘TAKE’ IS UP FOR NEGOTIATION! CHENNUX REMEMBERS HOW GOOD YOU LOOKED SWIMMING IN SYRUP! HAHA!

END TRANSMISSION!
Anonymous
September 1st, 2007 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

Ted Forth- very smart; deliciously weird sense of humor. WANT.
Squiddy
September 1st, 2007 at 7:31 pm [Reply]

Oh,# 58 is me. You know, in case Ces is wondering.
Jamus The Bartender
September 1st, 2007 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

55. I freelanced for Goldberg’s. Case by case basis. And the Islay is yours. Calvin’s got the shakes so bad he wouldn’t notice Broom Hilda giving free lap dances.
“Drop and give me twenty..” Funny…Violet said that too…
Frau Doktor
September 1st, 2007 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

I don’t have much to contribute on the male-comics-cheesecake front, but I did want to give a shout-out to the man I saw this afternoon walking up Grand Ave. in Oakland wearing a Molly the Bear T-shirt.

You made my day (successful parking space notwithstanding…)!
Kiesha
September 1st, 2007 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

He’s not cheesecake-y, but if Rob Wilco were a real guy, I would go out with him.
Spotted HØrse
September 1st, 2007 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

#61 Frau Doktor: Hey, a CC sighting! That’d make my day, too!

#36 Secret Margo:

Lawrence has been MIA for quite a while, and besides he’s caught in a domestic nightmare of his own with yet another of Lynn’s horrifying John clones

Ugh… Nicolas somehow exudes John’s essence, freakishly grafted onto strapping, youthful bearing, with a creepy Iris stare, all topped off with a pornstache.

#51 Secret Margo, #53 Brown-eyed Girl: I’m willing to bet that most male syndicated cartoonists are sensitive nebbishes who who endured painful, gaybaited adolescence and are consequently self-inhibiting artists, hence, the nipple taboo.

Gee, Spotted HØrse, lil’ buddy… stereotyping much? generalizing at all? projecting a lot, maybe?
Spotted HØrse
September 1st, 2007 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

“. . . most of us can recite the list one-handed.”

Bravo, Uncle Lumpy! Hoo! How’d I miss that?
BlueNight
September 1st, 2007 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

And then there’s Cathy, the perpetual anti-cheesecake. Even when she’s posed. (Warning: for those with strong stomachs only!!!)

Universal Studios Orlando Islands of Adventure theme park has a section called Toon Island. No, these are not animated characters. They’re comic strip characters. Beetle Bailey. Hagar. You know, the zombie strips and the old favorites. Well, Cathy sells ice cream. I swear, as I passed by that stand with my head turned away, I could hear the strains of “Night on Bald Mountain.”
True Fable
September 1st, 2007 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

Got some catching up to do:

Yesterthread:
#122 Crabby Genes – I loved the goat story! Awww…. little baby goats are the best!
# 137 Divine O’Fogeyette – You cursed. Now I’m all hot and bothered, woman. You fresh babe, you!

Todaythread:
#33 Avocado Avenger – I had to leave work and haven’t been back in front of a computer until now, so don’t worry about it. I would like to know what it was, though, you have interesting views.

# 37 SecretMargo – I would have thought that someone would have spoken up for Sam Driver and SuperCedric long before now. I mean, in an arena where Dagwood Bumstead and Hi Flagston are typical male representatives and Archie Andrews is supposedly a teen heartthrob, thank god for Sam and Cedric, who look closer to what I was associated “sexy men” with. We are working with a limited medium I know, but still. Rex Morgan and Randy Parker and Mark Trail are in on a technicality – they look male and human, even if Mark is also carved from stone. He could also technically be a statue. Peter Parker – well, yes, but he’s a dick.
unclelumpy
September 1st, 2007 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

#64 Spotted HØrse –

Thank you! I was growing anxious.
Anonymous2
September 1st, 2007 at 8:10 pm [Reply]

Don’t forget Brenda Starr! She herself is of course not an attractive man, but she’s always got one dangling after her. There’s dark and mysterious Basil of the eyepatch, and then recently she’s had a parade of men who are astoundingly similar to current pin-ups. This story-line’s guy looks like Dr. McSteamy. Previously, we had Matthew McConaughey, Jerry Orbach, Russell Crowe…
rotts
September 1st, 2007 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

I used to read “Nancy” in the Chicago Tribune as a kid (many, many years ago). I knew Fritzi Ritz, and the woman in that cartoon is no Fritzi Ritz!
Three or Four
September 1st, 2007 at 8:29 pm [Reply]

John the Comic Book Guy in Funky. Seriously. Whoever gives him a charity lay is gonna get the surprise of her life.
True Fable
September 1st, 2007 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

For that matter, the Galactic Emperor Chennux and I, Truman Fable the Love God of the South Except Where Prohibited, could each be considered sexy!

Yeah well in my case it’s as believable a premise as Thel giving birth to melon-headed children without hips the size of a 20-gallon fish tank. Chennux is a natural.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
September 1st, 2007 at 8:35 pm [Reply]

Old Man Muffaroo @ 10 wrote:

Spider-Brick @6 – Wally Wood’s version also has something I have yet to discern in the current Sally Forth: emotion.

I thought you were gonna say “nipples.”
suzie
September 1st, 2007 at 8:43 pm [Reply]

The hottest man in the comics–hands down–is the grandfather in One Big Happy. That guy knows something.
TB Tabby
September 1st, 2007 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

Love the story, Jamus. I always suspected Violet was a fireball in the sack.
commodorejohn
September 1st, 2007 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

#70 Three Or Four – Quite. Geek guys are festering balls of sexual energy, pent up for years, waiting for a chance to get out.

(Of course, I say this because I am a geek guy hoping to foster this belief among the ladies.)
CrabbyGenes
September 1st, 2007 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

#44 Dingo. Your post brought back a great memory. Years ago when Disney’s BEAUTY AND THE BEAST came out, I didn’t see it in theaters. My husband brought the borrowed videotape home one day and said to me, with a twinkle in his eye, “You HAVE to hear this song.” He then proceeded (over my protests) to fast-forward the tape to Gaston’s song. (I don’t like to watch anything from the middle.) He watched my face during the whole thing, waiting for that burst of laughter from me that he knew would come from that line about chest hair. And also the line, “I use antlers in all of my decorating!”

I still love that song!
Jana C.H.
September 1st, 2007 at 9:15 pm [Reply]

With Seth as one example, and Carlos in DTWOF as another
http://www.planetout.com/entertainment/comics/dtwof/archive/368.html
it starts to look like all the sexy men in comic strips are gay.

Jana C.H.
Seattle
Saith Carlos: Only cool, excellent things are gay.
alamo
September 1st, 2007 at 9:18 pm [Reply]

Uncle Lumpy says: Or have we guys just lost it, and the comics reflect our diminished state? Let’s hear it!

guys i know would answer with: have i lost it? hell no! i know where it is. it is right here in my hand!
sasha
September 1st, 2007 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

I don’t think any guy in the comics is eye candy. I must go elsewhere for visual gratification.

Having said that, I will confess to having a soft spot for Earl from Pickles, as he bears more than a passing resemblance to my beloved. Lose the glasses and turn the white hair to salt and pepper, and while they still wouldn’t be twins, it’s a pretty good likeness.

Good lord, we even had a conversation last week concerning his insistence on washing above the neck with bar soap.

How pathetic is my life that it presages a Pickles series?

*sigh* I used to be so much more interesting.
Anna Nimity
September 1st, 2007 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

“Anthony! Anthony is the sexiest guy in the comics!”

LYNN JOHNSTON STEP AWAY FROM MY COMPUTER!!!
Sorry guys, the Canadian devil slipped across the border and weaseled her way onto my keyboard. Labor Day in the US has distracted all the border guards. Sigh.

I had no idea that Lawrence’s partner was a Blandthony clone. All the cute gay men in the world and we have to see another ’stache. Yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuch.

I vote for Rob from Get Fuzzy. Just wanna rip that lil’ Hogwarts t-shirt offa his hot bod. Rrrrrrrrrr…..baby!
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
September 1st, 2007 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

sasha @ 79: Um… what else would one wash above the neck with? Sand? Baking soda? Easy-Off? Jell-O? Bentonite? Marmite? Spacom?
bubujin
September 1st, 2007 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

Gee, about the only cheesecake I can bring to the table–literally–is the cream cheese with crumb crust variety. Smothered, of course, with strawberry or blueberry topping. Yum!

Although not terribly current, for male cheesecake I have to cast a vote for Oliver “Daddy” Warbucks of Little Orphan Annie fame.

http://www.forbes.com/lists/2005/fictional/02.html

Seems appropriate since U.L. is going down memory alley here. At least if you can stand bald pates and vacuous stares. (Not you U.L.! I mean Warbucks.)
CrabbyGenes
September 1st, 2007 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

Uncle Lumpy, I confess that when I first glanced at your title “Cheesecake!” and all the comics you’d referenced, I thought to myself (all 70’s-feminist-like), “Well! I am going to insist that he follow this up with a “Beefcake” post!

Roughly 80-posts-read later, I am a sadder-but-wiser female. *sigh* I know you would if you could.

Apropos of that, I remember a while back when my teenage daughters and I were discussing that particular meaning of “cheesecake,” and the equivalent word “beefcake.” And then, since we had a parakeet at the time who was fascinated by his own reflection in the mirror, and also by color photos of parakeets that we showed him, we wondered aloud what the equivalent for a parakeet would be. The best we could come up with was “seedcake.” Kind of wimpy, but cute in a budgie way. Ever since then, ’seedcake’ has been what we call the large color photos of parakeets that we see in the pet magazines.
CrabbyGenes
September 1st, 2007 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

And to Uncle Lumpy and True Fable: Glad you liked the goat story!
That's The Spirit
September 1st, 2007 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

“And the constant “shout-outs” in this strip — three in the first panel…”

One of which being the worst Pogo ever. Seriously, did they even look at an old Walt Kelly strip first?
Buck Ripsnort
September 1st, 2007 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

Sadly, the Last Hot Man in Comics died when they pried Al Capp’s cold dead wingnut hands off Li’l Abner. Now THERE was a hillbilly who wasn’t afraid to be pretty. His prettiness was even emphasized when a Slobovian lady wrassler appeared in the strip, his exact double. As a lover of hot men AND lady wrestling, I was in heaven.

(And no, I’m not THAT old, I saw it in the archives.)
sasha
September 1st, 2007 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

For washing certain parts of the above-the-neck region, shampoo is a substance which immediately occurs to me.

Fudge sauce strikes me as an acceptable substitute, but less for cleaning purposes than for …um…do any children read this blog?
Buck Ripsnort
September 1st, 2007 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

As for cheesecake, you can’t beat Missus Bumstead! Mmm-Mmm Good!
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
September 1st, 2007 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

sasha @ 87: You shampoo your face?

As for examples of hetero beefcake no woman should be ashamed of lusting after: Have we so soon forgotten Zippy nipples!?
chickacheese
September 1st, 2007 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

I agree with anais ninja (13)… Mark Trail is the only remotely hot guy in comics.

Sure, he seems to be terrified of the idea of actual sexual contact with women, but that just makes the idea of MT losing it all the more interesting.

Of course, I think Michael Patterson is kinda cute, so what do I know.
Poteet
September 1st, 2007 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

# 57 — Your Extreme Gloriousness, I confess that I have never bought merch online, being a timid bicycle rider on the other side of the fence as others whiz by on the Internet highway. However, if an oversized teeshirt with Your Galactic Likeness ever becomes available, I swear I’m gonna finally learn to drive. And re the syrup-swimming, thank you very much (blush).
fishmorgjp
September 1st, 2007 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

The forelock on Aunt Fritzi looks odd, as if it weren’t hanging down, but rather growing out of her forehead… as if she were some “alien” on Star Trek: TNG.
unclelumpy
September 1st, 2007 at 10:10 pm [Reply]

#83 CG –

“Well! I am going to insist that he follow this up with a “Beefcake” post!

I totally am! But, having not much eye for the guy, I wanted to get nominations first.
fishmorgjp
September 1st, 2007 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

Aunt Fritzi looks a bit strange… as if her forelock was not hanging over her forehead, but growing out of it, as if she were an “alien” from Star Trek: TNG.
Jobiska
September 1st, 2007 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

I feel a little creepy admitting this, but I think Baldo is hot. Not the regular Baldo, but the Baldo seeing himself as a studly adult Baldo. I don’t remember this series http://www.baldocomics.com/resources/Baldo_and_El_Gato_Negro_Page_1.php, but am thinking more of when he’s envisioning himself as a cool grownup driving down the road in his convertible rather than as a superhero. But you get the drift anyway.

I truly hope that it is not weird to imagine an imaginary teenager is hot when what I’m really imagining is the imaginary adult the imaginary teen is imagining himself as.
Rainbird
September 1st, 2007 at 10:21 pm [Reply]

Craby Genes, glad to hear you are better, and your plants survived.

I’m surprised no one has mentioned The Spirit. Hey, I always felt the Spirit was hot, as were the women, oke P’Gell. Wow, that guy could write and draw.

As for current strips? I don’t see any hot women, other than June’s sweater puppies. But then, I don’t look for my cheesecake in the funny pages.

Wonder Woman was often hot in the comic books. Epsically when she was drawn by Geroge Perez. Wowza
Uncle Lumpy
September 1st, 2007 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

#94 Jobiska –

. . . not weird to imagine an imaginary teenager is hot when what I’m really imagining is the imaginary adult the imaginary teen is imagining himself as

No, of course not. Totally.
Rainbird
September 1st, 2007 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

#46 Andrea D. and The Grandstanding Oddball yesterthread, you were aksing who wanted to hock you up with a Chinese guy in the bay area? That was Spiny Norman. I would go for it if I were you, she has excelent taste in men. :)
Poteet
September 1st, 2007 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

# 92 — Uncle Lumpy, if you’re going ahead with this beefcake idea, I nominate Cousin Stevie B. I fell in love with him a couple of decades before I found out what beefcake means, and after he settled down with Summer, I really did accept that he would never be mine. And I don’t think “beefcake” really fits him, actually. But if you’re gonna post some comic guys anyway, he’s my choice.
Mel
September 1st, 2007 at 10:27 pm [Reply]

In my youth I had a ‘toon crush on “Race” Bannon of “Jonny Quest” fame. He may not count because he was animated — but it was Hanna-Barbera animation, which is makes it just this side of a slide show.
Rainbird
September 1st, 2007 at 10:32 pm [Reply]

Poteet #99 Yes, Steve and his ilk are all hot as well.

However, I can’t help but think of the parady that Mad did of Steve Canyon as drawn by Mel Lazarus. It starts with a normal Poteet, and finally ends up looking as though Mel didn’t know what to do. Tried to Google a link to it just now, but coudlnt’ find it. It ran in Mad a long time ago.

As I recall, without digging through my collection, Poteet grew up to be quite cute.
fishmorgjp
September 1st, 2007 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

Sorry about the double post, WordPress acted up on me…
Rusty
September 1st, 2007 at 10:38 pm [Reply]

Nancy: Anyone who thinks Gilchrist has butchered the sexiness of Aunt Fritzi should check out what he really thinks is hot:
teenage girl fairies he draws in his cringe-inducing Sunday feature “Night Lights and Fairy Flights”. For a bonus treat, look up his website for his cartoon academy. He is one strange guy, who constantly adds shout-outs to his favorite 70’s recording artists in his comics. And is fond of drawing himself as a kindly bearded redneck who always wears a cowboy hat.
Uncle Lumpy
September 1st, 2007 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

#100 Mel –

Coupla weekends ago I met a kid — about 13 y/o, I think — his dad named Race Bannon, after the Jonny Quest character.

I loved Jonny Quest — partly because the saturated colors looked so much better than reality on our 1964 color TV. Just the theme song would get me stoked — even the final arpeggio where the trumpeter flubbed it.

Race is one of those “#2″ toons who takes over when #1 is domesticated or develops too much backstory: Race for Dr. Benton Quest, Mike Nomad for Steve Roper, Snuffy Smith for Barney Google, many more. FOOB shoulda used the device, instead of sanctifying Gordon, Lawrence, Weed, and all potentially interesting #2’s.
Mel
September 1st, 2007 at 10:49 pm [Reply]

Uncle Lumpy, stoke away!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YrqBXbE0_C4
commodorejohn
September 1st, 2007 at 11:04 pm [Reply]

I can’t believe it. 100+ comments in a thread specifically about cheesecake and nobody has expressed any love for Maureen T. Fox!? Not cool, man. Not cool.
manzanita
September 1st, 2007 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

commodorejohn (way back at #18)–I was going to point to the same problem with today’s BC. It makes it worse that the crux of the joke is that “the rich guy always goes for the maid” when it was actually Robin Hood who was with Maid Marion and he would definitely not be characterized as a rich guy; so they just decided to transport her to the Arthurian legends. They rewrote history just to make a lousy pun.
commodorejohn
September 1st, 2007 at 11:14 pm [Reply]

#107 manzanita – Actually, come to think of it, if B.C. actually takes place in a post-apocalyptic world, the book she’s reading could be a printout of someone’s crossover fanfic between Camelot and Disney’s Robin Hood. Of course, if such a thing were one of the few surviving relics of civilization, I’d say civilization deserved whatever it got.
Chat Noir
September 1st, 2007 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

Sunday’s FOOB
It would appear April has stuffed lil’ Robin or Meredith into her backpack. A really valuable invention would be a bag big enough to stuff Anthony in and chuck him in a tar pit.
ralph
September 1st, 2007 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

Uncle L., many thanks for your interesting posts. Cheesecake or non, the artwork of yesteryear is far superior. Looks like they spent more than one minute on it.
Compare Fritzi’s cute nose with the pig snout on the Heather character in the RMMD strip posted on the previous thread. Or how about the void of the FBorFW half-moon smiles … as though Lynn J. found some symbol in the computer character palette and just types that in whenever she needs a smile.
p.s. I’ve been catching up, so forgive me … Crabby Genes, I adored the goat story on the last thread!
p.p.s. Squid Countess, I’ve been thinking of you and your friend today and extra-celebrating life in her honor.
LTBF
September 1st, 2007 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

The sales clerk saying “Cool” to April rreplaces the guy eating with Dagwood the other day as the dorkiest sales clerk of the week in the comics.
Red Greenback
September 1st, 2007 at 11:22 pm [Reply]

I ordered cheesecake and you bring me a butter tart?!
I wish to speak with your manager!
bats :[
September 1st, 2007 at 11:41 pm [Reply]

Strangely enough, “Race” Bannon and Les Moore share the same hairstyle.
I wonder if Race has ever told Dr. Quest that it’s okay to let go…
bats :[
September 1st, 2007 at 11:45 pm [Reply]

109. Chat Noir (no relation to Chat Bleu?):
I think Elly is just visualizing putting all of April’s earthly possessions in that back pack and telling her to hit the road.
(“And then…all the butter tarts will be mine! Mine! MINE!!!”)

In the last panel, it also looks like the butter tarts are finally catching up to April’s GI tract…
Poteet
September 1st, 2007 at 11:45 pm [Reply]

# 101 — Why thank you, Rainbird:-)! Uncle Lumpy was once kind enough to post an image of grownup Poteet on this site, and it did look kinda fetching. Of course Milt Caniff made sure that Steve always had plenty of fetchingness around him.
Red Greenback
September 1st, 2007 at 11:52 pm [Reply]

Uncle Lumpy—One for the beefcake files: http://www.dcmstudiosonline.com/more_char/starburst/index.html …Sorry, don’t know that fancy-shmancy HTML stuff.
Oh yeah, and Li’l Abner. I’m not gay or even Kevin Spacey gay, but I’d totally DO Li’l Abner…Kind of like how “Clarence Worley feels about Elvis Presley”.
Cafangdra
September 1st, 2007 at 11:54 pm [Reply]

Cooper from “Retail” is pretty sexy.
Dingo
September 1st, 2007 at 11:54 pm [Reply]

bats, have you seen the Harvey Birdman parody of Johnny Quest in which Race Bannon and Dr. Quest are… more than adventure buddies? It’s a hoot and a half. I always liked Dr. Quest because of the goatee but the voice made me want to tell him to shut up, bend over the Peruvian death goddess statue, and take it like a man — something I’m sure Race Bannon said on more than one occasion.

In other news, I’d give a trip to Austria for the chance to spend a drunken weekend in a cabin with either the older or the newer Brawny Paper Towel man. Ooooooh, spill on aisle eight.
bats :[
September 2nd, 2007 at 12:02 am [Reply]

Sunday 9CL: Oh, joy! Oh, rapture! Solange…a “real” cat, is back! Doing weird-ass real cat stuff!

Hyenas! Ferrets! It’s a veritable Marlin Perkins love-fest!

118. Dingo: no, I haven’t seen the Harvey Birdman episode (Mr. bats and I are the only people on the planet, aside from the Amish, who don’t have cable); I can imagine it, though. The real episodes tended to get a little turgid, so I have no problems imagining other things going in that direction.

And Brawny used to have some pretty darned funny ad clips on their site called “Innocent Escapes” (filmed like Christopher Walken’s “The Continental” on SNL). They are currently unavailable, probably because of the new Brawny Dood — it seems to me the guy in those clips was clean-shaven, though… Might have to look through You Tube.
CrabbyGenes
September 2nd, 2007 at 12:04 am [Reply]

#110 Ralph. Thanks!
bats :[
September 2nd, 2007 at 12:13 am [Reply]

118. Dingo!
Gosh, I love You Tube. Search for Brawny Guy, and there’s a buttload (ahem) of little vignettes of him doing manly things with paper towels.
Like this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wWUVaaQk4uY&NR=1
Pester
September 2nd, 2007 at 1:31 am [Reply]

Well, The Phantom is kind of hot, in costume, anyway… Sadly, this version of Spiderman doesn’t do anything for me. And I thought Paul was Purdy. Man, I’m really having to rack my brain here. I like Frazz, even though he isn’t exactly meant to be a hunk of hunks. It’s just his personality! But, yeah, schlubbiness is definitely the rule in the funny papers.
Loopina
September 2nd, 2007 at 1:33 am [Reply]

Dingo – I love the Brawny man! Actually, I’m partial to the old Brawny man (gotta love a ’stache), but the new guy bears a striking resemblance to Mark Trail. Then, there’s the always-sexy Mr.Clean… And as long as we’re in the grocery store, I think I’ll get me some Paul Newman. No, it doesn’t really matter which product – as long as it has Paul Newman on it.
tulliacicero
September 2nd, 2007 at 3:04 am [Reply]

Oh, come on–there was one hot guy in comics: Paul the Mountie from For Better or for Worse. It made me sad when Elizabeth screwed that one up, not because he was interesting, but because I totally wanted to do him and was living vicariously through her. Alas.
Cerulean Pointing Hand of Doom!
September 2nd, 2007 at 3:38 am [Reply]

I fourth (or fifth?) Ted Forth. No, he’s not beefcake. But he is attractive.

I also shamefacedly admit that I think Michael Patterson could be (physically) attractive if he were a real guy. He’s drawn to be good-looking, and had potential to be an attractive guy some 4-10 years ago. It’s just that his personality in this latter-day FOOB kills it.

But all this comes down to the fact that I’m not attracted, usually, to “beefcake” type guys. I recognize Seth as an archetype of male hotness, but I think his boyfriend’s the hotter of the two.

As for hot female characters in comics, I’ll give another shoutout to Alison Bechdel (who is also hot, but we’re talking about fictional characters here, right?). Sydeny is hot. So is Lois, in or out of drag.

And in reference to Male Call, does anyone *else* think “Trickle the Ivories” sounds really, *really* golden-shower-kinda-wrong?
Wanders
September 2nd, 2007 at 6:47 am [Reply]

Isn’t Dr. Drew in Mary Worth turning into the ultimate hot cartoon doctor, Unc? I know I aspire to be just like him.
Blondie
September 2nd, 2007 at 10:07 am [Reply]

Um… hello? I think Mark Trail ranks up there with the comics hotties of our time * giggle, snort*
Sorry, I can’t say that without laughing a bit.
SecretMargo
September 2nd, 2007 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

53: BEG: You’re totally right. I meant to write “assumed to be absent,” for exactly the reasons you state. Sorry to all you historically present female comics oglers out there.

The Nipple Taboo: My new favourite indie-rock band?

And I agree with Dingo: new Master Brawny is way too clone-y even for me. Though he’s not precisely my style, I appreciate Vintage Brawny’s superior…texturing.
Some Guy Here
September 2nd, 2007 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

Best. CC blog post. Evar.
Jym
September 2nd, 2007 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

=v= Who the [Margo][Boxcar][Saturn] started spelling this stuff “evar” instead of “ever?” Rest assured that Comic Book Guy will be on the Internet within minutes, registering his disgust throughout the world.
Bunnë
September 2nd, 2007 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

Definitely the old Brawny man. Nothing like walking down that supermarket aisle as a kid, stirring up feelings you don’t know what to do with.

So, aside from 9CL’s Seth and Li’l Abner’s Li’l Abner, where does one go for dishy guys in the comics? Certainly not Doonesbury, where sunken chests and poor posture have reigned for years.

Let me draw your attention once again to Ethan from Jane’s World. Though I suppose he’s not really beefcake, strictly speaking.

Seth and Li’l Abner are beefcake in the strictest sense of the word: exaggerated manly virtues on display. I can’t really think of any others that grace the comics page of your local newspaper.
BlinkAndItsOver
September 2nd, 2007 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

I’m no judge of beefcake, but in the second panel of Saturday’s MW, I thought Dr. Drew had a bit of a Luke Wilson thing going on.

Today, he’s back to looking like he’s 12, except in the last panel, where they do that hokey face-shadowing bit. He’s standing three feet away from Mary, but while she’s lit flatly, he’s just been slagged in the face with an open can of chiaroscuro. Couldn’t happen to a more deserving guy.
Len
September 2nd, 2007 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

Yeah, yeah, Secret Margot — I appreciate Sam Driver and Rexy Morgan as the best beefcake the newspaper strips have to offer. (More’s the pity!)

I’d flirt with Rob of Get Fuzzy, but not anywhere the obnoxious cat could get near. And I wish Grandpa Nick of One Big Happy were MY grandpa — or my date at SAGE.

I’d go out with Jughead (of Archie, not Snuffy Smith!) — you know the rumors about men with big noses. The hat has to go, however… And now that Hank Mitchell is going all distinguished at the temples… (another big schnozzola).

Hmm… Sunday’s Dennis the M. had him getting so eloquent over being a cowboy, even Margaret wanted to dress up like Patsie Cline. But one wonders if Dennis imagined himself “out” on the range, a la “Brokeback Mountain”?
McManx
September 2nd, 2007 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

Thanks for the Moonbeam, Uncle Lumpy. Nice indeed.
dale
September 3rd, 2007 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

Feel free to read the joke. Same as I tried before, but another test of trying to paste something in. I’m looking at how to handle line wraps, if at all.
____________________

A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom.

“You know what?” says the 6 year old. “I think it’s about time we started cussing.”
The 4 year old nods his head in approval.
The 6 year old continues, “When we go downstairs for breakfast, I’m gonna say something with ‘hell’
and you say something with ‘ass’.
The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

Their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast.
He replies, “Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I’ll have some Cheerios.”
WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the floor, gets up, and runs upstairs with his
mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step.
She locks him in his room and shouts, “You can just stay there until I let you out!”

The mother comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks,
“And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?”

“I don’t know,” he blubbers, “but you can bet your fat ass it won’t be Cheerios.”

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