The Comics CurmudgeonMetapost: Requiem for the COTW

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Metapost: Requiem for the COTW

Your COTW momentarily, but first, a link from faithful reader knittaplease! Have you always dreamed of the day when Hubert Selbey’s Requiem for a Dream would be combined with the now retired syndicated comic strip Cathy? Your dreams have come true, my friend!

And now, your comment of the week!

“That’s right, Mary. I always wanted chlamydia. And now … I’ve got it!” –btown

And your runners up! Very funny!

“Is Tommie Thompson so hard up for some lovin’ that she perpetually keeps her lips pursed in hopes she stumbles onto a kissing bandit or friendly golden retriever?” –Baka Gaijin

“Nina’s Single White Female stalking of Margo has reached phase three, I see.” –Lolsworth

“My cooking and my advice are a great combination. Both are bland, hard to swallow, and eventually induce vomiting.” –Digger

“I like how bored Thor looks in the second panel. Longtime Spider-Man reader, I guess. ‘So this is where a bird shits on him or something and he passes out, right?’” –Roto13

“I love how Jeff the bank robber, after donning that coat, is a dead ringer for He-Man after he decided to restart his career and become a Don McLean-esque folk singer.” –Aelfric

On a character “overdosing on tattoos” in Gil Thorp: “If he is overdosing then you need to take a syringe full of adrenaline and jam it right into his hear. Now you have to do it hard enough because you will be going through his rib cage. Why are looking at me like that? It’s how they did it in Pulp Fiction. You haven’t seen it yet. It’s the most popular movie in theaters right now. This is the Nineties right? I can’t tell when we are anymore.” –Liam

“I like to think the arrow in Momma is there just to prove to the reader that there is a joke located in the strip.” –sporknpork

“Judging by the look of delight on Nola’s face, I’m wondering what the heck she could need advice about: ‘I can’t figure it out, Mary. When you hold a man in the palm of your hand, do you rub the ice cube above the scrotum or below. What do you do, Mary?’” –Bill Peschel

“Obviously, the ‘blue pill’ is an allusion to the Matrix. Pluggers, by definition, have chosen to take the blue pill to escape back into their dreary life of slavery, by choice, because the concept of the red pill and all it represents — free will, being happy, having a funny comic strip — is too horrible to contemplate. Now, honey, where’s my Metamucil? I want to have some me-time.” –Crankenstank

“I like to imagine that Nina has spent the entire duration of her visit with Margo dropping increasingly unsubtle hints about her pregnancy, only to have each one go over her head. ‘I HOPE I CAN FIND A GOOD PEDIATRICIAN’ ‘HEY MARGO, DO YOU THINK GRANT IS A NICE NAME FOR A BOY?’ ‘DO YOU WANT TO FEEL IT KICKING?’ None of these were working, so she went with the most obvious indicator of pregnancy there is, outside of ‘A SMALL HUMAN BEING HAS BEEN DEVELOPING INSIDE MY UTERUS FOR THE LAST FEW MONTHS.’” –Irrischano

I must thanks to all who put some cash into my tip jar! And we must give thanks to our advertisers:

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This entry was posted on Friday, February 10, 2012 at 08:02 pm and is filed under Cathy, metaposts. |

117 responses to “Metapost: Requiem for the COTW”

Roto13
February 10th, 2012 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

Woo, floater pride!
bats :[
February 10th, 2012 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth and ice cubes…please never mention them in the same sentence again.
Trillian
February 10th, 2012 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

Luann: Gunther, it’s time to beg your parents to homeschool you now.

Zits: Jeremy’s parents are the same age as his classmates’ grandparents. They must have a mini-storage garage crammed with hair dye, anti-wrinkle cream, and industrial-strength brassieres. They bought so much that it’s caused a severe shortage over in “Funky Winkerbean”.
Rocky Stoneaxe
February 10th, 2012 at 9:15 pm [Reply]

Purple Squirrel Puzzler:

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-201_162-57374894/purple-squirrel-in-pa-remains-a-mystery/?tag=strip

Where’s Mark Trail (or HAMMY THE SQUIRREL!) when you need him?

Congrats to this week’s winners!
Liam
February 10th, 2012 at 9:20 pm [Reply]

This is the second time I am looking at my comment and this is the first time I noticed that I left the “t” off of heart.
Liam
February 10th, 2012 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

I will read the Cathy version of “Requiem for a Dream” as long as she doesn’t turn to prostitution like Jennifer Connelly’s character did.
Weaselboy
February 10th, 2012 at 9:57 pm [Reply]

Nice work, float riders.
Calico
February 10th, 2012 at 10:10 pm [Reply]

Well, not exactly comics-related, but I just heard an ad on the idiot box for a drug that may cause “Confusion, high fever, and diarrhea.”

I thought “Hell, I have all of those problems daily anyway- why do I need a drug to help me out?” : P

; )
Irrischano
February 10th, 2012 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

thanks josh!
Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
February 10th, 2012 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

Congrats to the floaters!
Liam
February 10th, 2012 at 10:27 pm [Reply]

Here is something disturbing/disgusting in the new issue of Mad they do a “Love Is” style comic with the show “Mike & Molly”. Instead of two naked children it is two fat naked adults.
commodorejohn
February 10th, 2012 at 10:56 pm [Reply]

@Liam (#11): It’s good to know that people are working to combine the things that make me weep for the human race.
[Old Man] Muffaroo
February 10th, 2012 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

I confess to a momentary fear that Josh was going to “kill” the CoTW feature. It’s good that he didn’t. All hail the riders on the float!
sporknpork
February 10th, 2012 at 11:21 pm [Reply]

Always a bridesmaid, never a bride. :-D

Congrats all!
Artist formerly known as Ben
February 10th, 2012 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

@bats :[ (#2): How about Mary Worth and Dr Dre? They hang together, right?
Baka Gaijin
February 10th, 2012 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

I made it! I’m on the float! [tosses Lindt chocolate truffles to adoring crowd] A refulgent group of comments if I ever read them, though many more qualified. This was a great week for snark.

@sporknpork (#14): Being COTW isn’t all its cracked up to be now that it’s sponsored by Mary Worth Industries, Inc. The horseshoe Wreath o’ Salmon Squares is enough to gag a horse. And who wants a dinner for 1 (drinks, appetizers, entree, and tip not included) at The Bum Boat?
Artist formerly known as Ben
February 10th, 2012 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

Congratulations to the floaters. Bringing a nice crest to the week of snark.

Now the Cathy “Requiem for a Dream” thing. I’ll have to read it again to make sure I got everything, but I just want to assure all the other ‘mudges that there is no ass-to-ass scene.
Poteet
February 10th, 2012 at 11:40 pm [Reply]

btown and assorted funny floaters, this is your week! Congrats to y’all!
Poteet
February 10th, 2012 at 11:43 pm [Reply]

@Frank Lee Meidere (#Y250): Alas, there are many such stories. The well-meaning conservationists who tried in vain to save the last Heath Hens proceeded to stop the wildfires that were maintaining the hens’ desperately-needed-and-rare grassland habitat, scatter corn which attracted rats which ate the heath hen eggs, etc. I don’t think I can stand to remember any more.
Poteet
February 10th, 2012 at 11:45 pm [Reply]

@Baka Gaijin (#16): After scarfing down a few of those truffles, I can only say that you are very, very, very, very deserving. Very.
Nehemiah Scudder
February 11th, 2012 at 1:06 am [Reply]

@Baka Gaijin (#16): Ouch! Careful with those truffles, buddy! You could put someone’s eye out.

Congrats to all the justifiably orgulous floaters! Not a somniculous comment in the lot!
Nehemiah Scudder
February 11th, 2012 at 1:11 am [Reply]

BTW, completely off topic, but I just saw The Artist, the new b/w silent movie that’s been nominated for a bunch of Oscars. I hope it wins a bunch, as it is truly effulgent. And it has the best movie dog since Rin Tin Tin and Lassie.

Go see it.
agony
February 11th, 2012 at 1:16 am [Reply]

@Baka Gaijin (#16):

It was a great week, wasn’t it? Though I was hoping to see clandestine farts on the float.
agony
February 11th, 2012 at 1:18 am [Reply]

Tom the Dancing Bug – The Education of Louis breaks my heart. How does anyone survive the early teenage years?
Sequitur
February 11th, 2012 at 1:22 am [Reply]

A grand congrats to btown and the float riders. And a special congrat to @Baka Gaijin (#16): for making the float! You should be safe from those clowns up there.

Except YOU ARE NOW AMONG THE CLOWNS!!!

Bwahahahahahah!
ElkMeadow
February 11th, 2012 at 1:33 am [Reply]

**********
Congrats, floaters!
**********

RMMD Man, I wish my butt looked like June’s.

Doonesbury I don’t this was intentional, but look at the row of Austins under the Browse This Comic By Date. He’s doing a solo week long gig on his first appearance!
Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
February 11th, 2012 at 2:03 am [Reply]

Yay! Juggs Parker is back!

MT: Now that they have some fresh meat, they can stay a few more days.
Baka Gaijin
February 11th, 2012 at 3:09 am [Reply]

@Sequitur (#25): Self-induced AAAAAH! [QLUNQ, QLUNQ, QLUNQ! <-Baka falling off float]
Droopy Says
February 11th, 2012 at 3:18 am [Reply]

The Amusing Spiderman: I can just see Death claiming Spiderman. No, I can’t “Sorry, this one is still twitching, that makes him yours.”

Creepy Les: Westview is in northeast Ohio? My father was from . . . oh, crap, that explains a lot.

Mock Trail: Act like nothing happened? Sure. The robbers will give themselves away when they go home and talk about the blind hunting dog, the gigantic quail and the film crew that kept calling them “Mark” and “Tommy.”

Phantom: So the plan is to make the Ten Tigers think Viktor doublecrossed them? Since Viktor doublecrossed Ernesto to protect the lives of their two sons, isn’t this plan likely to get the boys killed? Say, Kit, as long as you’re knocking out unarmed thugs left and right, why don’t you rescue the two boys? Or is it too soon after that E. Chesley Bowels thing?
Baka Gaijin
February 11th, 2012 at 3:28 am [Reply]

Saturday’s Strips

In the Rosa-Gunther affiliation,[*] we now see who has the “gonads,” and it clearly ain’t Gunther.

Joe South is a genius. He found a way to be on top of Fritzi Ritz’s luscious titty all day.

Herb you putz. What the fuck is a “pithy” date? One with a tree?
Comcis Fan
February 11th, 2012 at 3:31 am [Reply]

MW: Let’s see, what is it? What is it? It’s on the tip of my … sociopathy! That’s it! Nola is a sociopath. This may take an entire apple pie to fix.
Comcis Fan
February 11th, 2012 at 3:35 am [Reply]

Congrats COTW winners! Happy for you (kicks ground with hands shoved in pockets)!
Baka Gaijin
February 11th, 2012 at 3:44 am [Reply]

In a Plugger’s dream can he wear the same shirt after 5 years of retirement. They do their best to break Hubble’s Law [*] every day at the truck stop all-you-can-eat.

Thatababy’s dad is totally the coolest on the comics page. No contest.

Scott Adams hit a home run on today’s Dilbert.
Baka Gaijin
February 11th, 2012 at 4:04 am [Reply]

Uh, Mr. Keane? When drawing that UN of children and those kids who are half-black and half-Asian, each race does not inhabit one vertical half of the child.
Shadrach
February 11th, 2012 at 4:22 am [Reply]

Luann: Okay, “Gonad” is a hilarious put-down nickname for Gunther. But how ever did Evans get that past the syndicate? Aren’t the comics syndicates all pretty much still stuck in the 1940s in terms of content standards?
Notebooked
February 11th, 2012 at 4:24 am [Reply]

Congrats to the Weeker and all the lovely floaters! Champagne and ice cubes all ’round!
Doctor Handsome
February 11th, 2012 at 4:54 am [Reply]

Well, that’s just funny stuff. I approve.
Droopy Says
February 11th, 2012 at 6:14 am [Reply]

@Baka Gaijin (#34): “Yes, Dolly, all your friends may play here. But no more trouble like they made at the Mitchells! Let that be their last battlefield!”
Cloudbuster
February 11th, 2012 at 9:06 am [Reply]

@Droopy Says (#29): Creepy Les: Westview is in northeast Ohio? My father was from . . . oh, crap, that explains a lot.

Also — there’s snow on the ground there, right now.
Jocelyn Knockersbury
February 11th, 2012 at 9:37 am [Reply]

Congrats floaters! And yay for the uterus!
Baka Gaijin
February 11th, 2012 at 9:41 am [Reply]

I predict that the “Nola does Santa Royale” storyline will end in 49 days with the entire cast popping out of the closet and from behind furniture yelling, “April fools!” Either that or that aneurysm Mary’s been working on in panel 1 finally explodes.

Ew. Just ew. Tommy in Mark Trail wears a body lice ridden jacket that sheds so much, so much, whatever it is body lice shed, that a dog could follow the scent of its shedding. Yuck.

So the road to Asgard is through the River of Hair Clippings, yes?
Écureuil Écumant
February 11th, 2012 at 9:50 am [Reply]

Baka, your MT comment reminds me of those Zep lyrics:

“Oh cooties, cooties, cooties, munch awhile on me
You’ve got so much… so much … so much …

Many coats I’ve worn – Many times been bitten
Many times I’ve gazed along the open road.

Many coats are brown, with bug-infested linings
I live for my love shack and a pocketful of gold.”
KreatureFeatures
February 11th, 2012 at 9:55 am [Reply]

Congratulations to the floaters and – DID YOU HEAR SOMETHING? I’m sorry, what was I saying? I’m just really jumpy with my giant green bag of loot, and rapidly aging accomplice, and Checkov’s Coat hanging on the wall.
Baka Gaijin
February 11th, 2012 at 10:09 am [Reply]

@Écureuil Écumant (#42): Thanks. I’ll have to cue up some Zep soon.
gleeb
February 11th, 2012 at 10:26 am [Reply]

3-G: Sacrifice? They’re going to offer the baby’s heart up to a demon, aren’t they? And by demon, I mean Margo.

‘shaft: Rug soaking wet? The old bastard didn’t even remove the ice, did he?

‘bean: Thanks, Bul-, uh Funk-, which one the Hell are you?

Gil: The school board wouldn’t spring for a whole name plate, so Gil makes do with his coffee mug.

H&L: Dot’s becoming a Winkerbean. Worse than a plugger, that is.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
February 11th, 2012 at 11:11 am [Reply]

Dilbert: “There’s no kill switch on Awesome” would make a great T-shirt, or possibly an album title.

Lio: back to awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. (and *whew*)

NS: disproves the notion that everything is better with penguins.

Bizarro: ROFL! (I’m getting strange looks at the coffee shop now.)

PMP crosses over with SuicideGirls.

SFx: headed for NS, brb.
Poteet
February 11th, 2012 at 11:14 am [Reply]

MT — Wow! Considering that Butch is walking on soft green grass and is a long way from the rundown cabin, Jeff must have hearing like a mentally-impaired lynx. So THAT’S what takes up most of his brain space.

Meanwhile, we continue to see the real star of this epic, the saw palmetto, eagerly sticking its fronds into the action whenever possible, yelling “Look at me!” At least I think it’s a saw palmetto. Maybe. The botany of the Markiverse is a mystery.
Mibbitmaker
February 11th, 2012 at 11:16 am [Reply]

@agony (#24): Me? Editorial cartoons and “NBC’s Saturday Night”!
Poteet
February 11th, 2012 at 11:25 am [Reply]

MW — Comics Kingdom, listen up. You say Mary was “born about 60-something years ago.” Wrong. You could say she was “born about sixty years ago” or that she was “born sixty-something years ago,” but throwing both vague qualifiers in there is too much. This is not ambition — it’s something else!
Illustrator Steve
February 11th, 2012 at 11:30 am [Reply]

@Poteet (#47): Also, the fact that “Saw Palmetto” bushes are near the cabin clarifies that they are, in fact, located in the SOUTHERN PART OF THE STATE.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
February 11th, 2012 at 11:34 am [Reply]

ahhh, Saturdays.

bike lanes are getting crowded these days.

Commodorejohn’s bedroom. (he’s upgraded. . . .)

The following message is brought to you by Baka Gaijin.

True Love. (may damage your childhood)

Steampunk in the DCU.

NO FAIR!!!!! Daily Squee wants us to vote on Fennecs vs Bat Eared Foxes for next week!

otterly alone.

for bb,u, a corgi named Whiskey.

brainmush on the beach.
Illustrator Steve
February 11th, 2012 at 11:38 am [Reply]

MT – One more thing about those sub-tropical saw palmetto bushes. They should have warning lables attached to their stiff pointy fronds explaining the possible hazards they pose to any blind dog that happens to “stumble” upon them.
Mibbitmaker
February 11th, 2012 at 11:40 am [Reply]

A3G: “I consider this pregnancy the ultimate sacrifice.” — Ellie Patterson, with every kid, said on her cross.

9CL: Original last panel — she sucked him whole into her digestive system. The good news: we don’t have to see her furshlugginer teeth in this expression!

Curtis: And no one can accuse Chutney of not being a psychopath!
Yes, that’s our romantic triangle — a dangerous psychopath, a deluded stalker, and a vain narcissist. Lovely.

H&L: I got my first issue of Bone at a mall comic shop that’s no longer there. #1, bought in 1991. It was a great b– oh…. he’s supposed to be the bad guy here, isn’t he? …Forget it.

MW: Who cares, Mary! She’s levitating the flowers! She’s AWESOME!
The Ridger
February 11th, 2012 at 11:41 am [Reply]

@Cloudbuster (#39): There’s actually snow in the comic, too. Definitely on the roof, and I’m pretty sure on the ground behind Les’s words in panel one…
HAMMY THE SQUIRREL!
February 11th, 2012 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

@Rocky Stoneaxe (#4): OH!! THAT’S UNCLE EARL THE PURPLE SQUIRREL!!!

he used to be a normal red squirrel but against our advice he decided to eat the food at charterstone
Mark B.
February 11th, 2012 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

JP: “Ummm … no ma’am. I’m not Randy Parker I’m … Andy Barker and this is … Cam Striver. We were just leaving.”
aprilglaspie
February 11th, 2012 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

“This is not ambition. It is something else.” Like pure succubus evil Mary Worth? Mary reels from the sordid inhumanity.
Bill Peschel
February 11th, 2012 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

Whoo hoo! First time on the float. And a permanent end to any hope i have of running for higher office (although I’d love to see them use “scrotum” in an attack ad).
Mark B.
February 11th, 2012 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

And one more thing about Judge Parker. I’ll admit my experience with muslim women is limited, but I’ve never seen someone wear a hijab with a low-cut minidress. It kind of seems unlikely to me, but my knowledge in this area is somewhat limited.
Liam
February 11th, 2012 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

MW-Like the rest of us Mary is trying to figure out what she is eating.

MT-All I head was the narrator say that a blind dog is headed our way.
aprilglaspie
February 11th, 2012 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

I still find it incredibly sad that Margo was made to say “baby bump” Did the cartoonists have to extract half her brain? Does Margo understand you can get an idea about how far along things have progressed by the size of the belly?
Écureuil Écumant
February 11th, 2012 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

DT: “Watch him closely!” “Is half an inch close enough, or should I cut off even more of my nose?”

DtM: Mr. Wilson remembers just how the Boche toyed with him those many years ago. If you want to sing, Dennis, he can certainly oblige.

FW: “Popped for some snow tires”? Tiukspeak for “Impending death by blowout and rollover”?

JP: Now, panel 2, that’s how you draw a baby bump. The tits, well, not so much. I could allude to the proverbial wringer … but it would be wrong.

MW : “…Maybe if I just draw their heads bigger, I can do a more competent job on their features…” You mean like, if you transferred from Matchbook Art Academy to Cigarbox College of Illustration?

RMMD: Whose verisimilitude extends to the charging contacts on the bottom of the cordless phone, Why, I can almost smell the horseshit on her boots.

FC: Keane, you’ve already been busted on the piebald ones in the front. The glasses on the pair in the very back are the right thickness, but their beaks should be about twice as big.

S-M: “None can prevail against the god of thunder!” But Spidey’s off to a flying start, having webbed Thor’s asshole shut. That should quell the worst of the thunder … at least from Spidey’s perspective.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
February 11th, 2012 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

MT: So the “plan” is to go home and act as though nothing has happened—after the local thieves robbed their local bank without any masks to cover their local faces? Have they accounted for the part of the plan in which one of their local neighbors says, “Hey, Jamie, haven’t seen you around for a few days. When did I last see you? Oh, yeah, it was at bank—didn’t you have a gun in your hand and a bag of money?”

A3G: Well, it’s good to know that baby will be loved and wanted. What name has Nina picked out? “Youruinedmylifeyouparasite”?

JP: The five stages of Judge Parker:
Curiosity: A woman in a hijab? How are they going to sexy her up?
Surprise: Wha–?
Denial: No way would a woman wearing a head covering go out like that in public!
Anger: Oh, come on—you’ve got to be kidding me!
Acceptance: Meh, sexy hijab-wearing Muslim woman in skin-tight dress with ta-tas. Whatever.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
February 11th, 2012 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#51): Very nice squee-lection today. I think I had just the same “flop over the table because I need my coffee” pose as that first pup today.
cartooncritic2544
February 11th, 2012 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

Judge Parker: Where even the burkas are sexy.
Sequitur
February 11th, 2012 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#63): MT: Don’t you just love inbreeding?
Écureuil Écumant
February 11th, 2012 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

Crank: I’m not denyin’ something happened, but just damn well you try to pin it on me!
TheDiva
February 11th, 2012 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

9CL: PROTIP TO BROOKE: Not everyone has the same preferred erogenous zone as you. In fact, most of us are happy knowing as little as possible about your erogenous zones.

A3G: Did I miss the memo saying all mothers have to be insufferable martyrs about the whole thing?

C’shaft: “The old folks home is too good for him,” Pam thinks. “Maybe we’ll just drive to Chicago and leave him at the first homeless shelter we find.”

Luann: Wow, lamest Scarpia Ultimatum ever.

MW: Unfortunately for Mary, nymphomania isn’t something that can be meddled away.
queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
February 11th, 2012 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

@Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#yy166): I wish to salute this post for it’s Dingoing magnificence in being unspeakable filth without using any dirty words.

saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-LUTE!!!
Calico
February 11th, 2012 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

@Mark B. (#59):
In QC I usually see hijab paired with long dress, but on occasion I have seen women with hijab, long sleeve shirt/light sweater, tight jeans, and high heeled shoes. Yeah, things are a bit more open here for some … but once during Mother’s Day brunch at Hotel Quebec, a Muslim family was using the pool, except for Mom, who was all covered up poolside … like other religions/cultures, there are variances.
Liam
February 11th, 2012 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#63):

Mark Trail is so poorly drawn that they don’t need masks. The bank teller will give a vague description of the robbers. “They were men. One had a mullet. The other looks like nature writer Mark Trail.”
bourbon babe, unbuckled
February 11th, 2012 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

@agony (#24): It’s especially brilliant today, isn’t it?

And congrats, float-folk! Throw molecular-gastronomical terrine!
The Ridger
February 11th, 2012 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

@Mark B. (#59): That neckline isn’t really that low, especially given that she’s in New York. A little low… But I would definitely expect leggings under the dress.
Dale
February 11th, 2012 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

Mark Trail

That old log gets around quicker than a blind dog with a clothing fetish.
Señor Tortilla
February 11th, 2012 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

MT: WOW WHAT AN UNPREDICTABLE PLOT TWIST. ELROD IS A MASTER AT PLOTTING SURPRISES.

Luann: That is going to be our new nickname for Gunther.

9CL: As Edda inhales Amos, she has entered…a world where people don’t have sex after a date, where being fashionable doesn’t involve balding, and where people talk normally. She has entered…the Real World.
This Guy
February 11th, 2012 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

Does anyone else remember the episode of Deep Space Nine where a Lethean traps Julian inside his own head, and Julian’s friends manifest different aspects of his personality? Brooke McEldowney is basically the extroverted version of that. If only we had some technobabble to shut down his horrifying telepathic powers.
[Old Man] Muffaroo
February 11th, 2012 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

Archie – Yeah, Jughead eats so much salad. He’s legendary for how much endive and sprouts he can put away in a sitting.

Slylock – Penguins got waterspouts!

Gil – Oh, boy! There’s a new coach in the strip, and I hadn’t noticed. His names “Thor P”!

Hi – Oh, the things kids say! The mundane, unexciting, expected, declarative, regular, plain, quotidian things!
commodorejohn
February 11th, 2012 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

Agnes – I do love this strip.

A3G – “Is the baby due soon? If you have it in time for the vernal equinox, the ultimate sacrifice will be much more effective! Trust me, I know these things!”

Archie – Wait, wait, what the hell is the scale here? The sign has to be against the wall behind the salad bar, because the customers’ heads overlap it, but that would make this guy a friggin’ giant. Is he huge, or are they tiny? Did M.C. Escher design this restaurant?

DT – “He’s a loose cannon! He’s off the force! Turn in his badge!”

FW – Punch him, Funky. You know you want to.

GT – “Well, now we’re justified in our xenophobia, right? Right? Let’s go beat that kiwi’s head in.”

JP – Well, now, that’s an interesting look.

Luann – “Gonad?” I’m sorry, dude, good try, but in relation to Gunther, that assume organs not in evidence.

Mandrake – Wait, you mean they’re going…In Search of the Lost Chord? *ducks*

MW – Oh my God, could it be? Yes, yes it is…it’s Mary Worth versus Nymphomania!!! Rapture!

Peanuts – Yeah, I’m printing this one out.

Phantom – “This will hurt Victor’s credibility when he insists that El Guerrero Latino is dead! Which means they’ll probably kill his son, and probably Ernesto’s as well, and maybe their families, and shit, I really didn’t think this through, did I?”

SM – As long as we get to watch.
[Old Man] Muffaroo
February 11th, 2012 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

Judge – Little Blue Riding Hood. “You know, there’s just three of us in this elevator, and yet I can’t shake the strange feeling that there are hundreds and hundreds of eyes staring at my breasts.”

love is… – No, no. Instead of a teddy bear, there should be a smaller infant next to her. And next to that one, an even smaller one. And next to that one…

Mark – There’s a crazy little shack, a-drawn by Jack
And everybody calls it the hide-out shack.
Well it’s just a worn-out cabin and there’s no AC
One room, no plumbing and no TV
Just two guys talkin’ ’bout a money sack
In that ol’ hideout shack, whoa Nellie,
In that hideout shack.

Well there’s a blind old dog who’s sniffing along
He’s smelling the coat that one guy has on
He’ll take about a week to get there, cause he’s kind of slow
Maybe three more days to get in the do’,
Plus a few days for Mark to get on the track
And find the hideout shack, yeah, some day
He’ll find that hideout shack.
[Old Man] Muffaroo
February 11th, 2012 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

Mary – Who doth ambition shun,
And pants to lay i’ th’ sun,
Seeking a loveless match,
And cool with what she gets,
Come meddle, come meddle, come meddle,
Here shall she find poor Mary’s mind,
And blow it like a feather.

R=R – Intellectually, I know it’s just a comic, and wishing for things to happen is totally in vain, but at first glance I was hoping the cat had tripped her at the top of the stairs.

@KreatureFeatures (#43): I like how it took those two about ten days to hike from where they found the coat to where the shack is, and the dog got there in maybe five minutes. (Also, the dog’s not blind, just really really nearsighted. And he talks like Jim Backus.)

@Illustrator Steve (#52): Braille warning labels? Or since it’s for dogs, maybe just something that smells like a vacuum cleaner?
Baka Gaijin
February 11th, 2012 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#51): That is one of the worst derelictions of parental duties to protect a child from danger than I’ve seen since Michael Jackson dangled a baby over a balcony.
Nehemiah Scudder
February 11th, 2012 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

BG&SS: Just 40 days to 5555!
tallyHO
February 11th, 2012 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

@commodorejohn (#78):
Agreed. That guy (his name is Pops, right?) is a giant and could crush any attempt at Jughead being omnivorous.

And, sadly, the curvaceous herbivore at the salad bar MAY be taking offense to being referred to as a Jughead.

Pops, please be a gentle giant!
Michael W
February 11th, 2012 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

Fair warning: If you see Sunday’s Luann, you will not be able to unsee it. That is all.
Nehemiah Scudder
February 11th, 2012 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

@[Old Man] Muffaroo (#80): Mary (2)
‘Neath the Charterstone lea
Who loves to dine with me?
Green terrine and orange compotes
Shall we shovel down our throats,
And meddle, and meddle, and meddle:
Busybody,
No enemy,
Sweet gossip shall we peddle.
sporknpork
February 11th, 2012 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

@Baka Gaijin (#16): LOL! Too funny!
Sequitur
February 11th, 2012 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

@Baka Gaijin (#81): One of your truffles still had a pig attached.
Dale
February 11th, 2012 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

@Baka Gaijin (#81):

How does the Michael Jackson display compare with the Crocodile Hunter bit?
kingklash
February 11th, 2012 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

@Rocky Stoneaxe (#4): I’ve never seen a purple squirrel,
I never hope to see one.
But I can tell you anyhow,
If Mark Trail don’t haul his ass over to investigate, I’m going to have to start biting people!
Baka Gaijin
February 11th, 2012 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

@sporknpork (#86): You never know what’ll end up the COTW. I got it a couple years ago for “Sandwich, Sandwich, Sandwich.”

@Sequitur (#87): What? No. It was like this. I tossed a truffle and it knocked one of those flying pigs out of the sky. They always take to flight just before I’m on the COTW float.

@Dale (#88): I’m not familiar with the Crocodile Hunter and his kids. [Googles up] Wow. A baby death from alligator bites or a baby death from a fall from a height. That’s a tossup, though just barely more derelict than the picture queek linked to.
Mr Frog
February 11th, 2012 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

9CL: Amos just knocked Edda out using some kind of magical erotic acupressure technique! And then… well, we actually have no way of knowing just what or how many things he did with her while she was out, but we do know both that that is *definitely* not what she had been wearing when she got conked and that, when she came to, Amos had just finished dragging an unresisting and possibly-unconscious woman to a pool of waist-high water so that he could… uh… well, again, we have no way of figuring out what he intended to do, but since it’s Edda, I’m guessing his intent was to drown her.

Food for thought: McE evidently considers this to be romantic.
Swordsmith
February 11th, 2012 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

@Mibbitmaker (#53): “Yes, that’s our romantic triangle — a dangerous psychopath, a deluded stalker, and a vain narcissist.”

I know this is the popular meaning of the phrase “romantic triangle” but it bugs me. A triangle has three angles; shapes like v, and ^ are, to coin a term since I’m too lazy to find one, monoangles. Curtis, in our example here, is the vertex, with line segments connecting him to Chutney and Whitney (or whatever her name is, see again my too lazy to look up a term thing). Chutney, however, is not connected to Whitney, so there’s no third line segment to create a triangle.

In fact if all the characters are straight, I can’t see how you could ever form a romantic triangle at all; it’s always going to be monoangles. In an all lesbian or all gay situation, sure, it would be simple enough. Or likewise if at least one of the members was bisexual and a second member was of the same gender.

Or I guess you could stretch a point and claim that if one of the pairs had a “friendship” relationship, so that they were somehow torn between the romance and the friend… but Chutney and Whitney aren’t friends
bats :[
February 11th, 2012 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

@commodorejohn (#78): re Luann: well, it’s only *one* gonad that the Evil One is mentioning. I, too, vote this for Gunther’s new name (damn, Evans got to it before us curminions!).

Meanwhile, back near Apartment 3-G…
Frank Lee Meidere
February 11th, 2012 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

@Swordsmith (#92): Huh. Never thought of that.
Calico
February 11th, 2012 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

FC – love the 2 “Noir et blanc” faces. Can’t these “coloring people” ever get coloring right?
Calico
February 11th, 2012 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

@Swordsmith (#92):
The rich arrogant girl is Michelle.
Nehemiah Scudder
February 11th, 2012 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

@Baka Gaijin (#90): I tossed a truffle and it knocked one of those flying pigs out of the sky. They always take to flight just before I’m on the COTW float.
That’s interesting. The last (and only) time I made it, major lakes and rivers in Hades froze over.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
February 11th, 2012 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

@Swordsmith (#92): Okay—so now I’m trying to imagine what a romantic triangle would be. Since it’s a literary term, what would be an example in literature? (Just trying to get my mind around your definition.)

I know that there are examples in early British novels of a suitor going after a woman and her father resisting, and there are all sorts of subtexts about father-daughter love and homosexual attraction—but surely those wouldn’t be the only examples of true romantic triangles, right?
Sequitur
February 11th, 2012 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

@Baka Gaijin (#90): Ah! Mystery solved. I remember the last time I made the float a monkey flew out my butt. Ever since then I try not to be so clever. Mission accomplished!

The next time I’m at the computer and my wife asks me a question that I can look up on the internet I’ll yell, “Googles Up!” and see what happens.
commodorejohn
February 11th, 2012 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

@bats :[ (#93): I dunno, even one seems like stretching it…
commodorejohn
February 11th, 2012 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#98): Anthony/Liz/John.
Mars
February 11th, 2012 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

Burst out laughing at Luann today. “Hey, hots.” This is some priceless dialogue. Nobody has ever said “Hey hots” ever. I better see it on the page today, Josh, or it’ll be your gonad.
Swordsmith
February 11th, 2012 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#98): How about Rose, Doctor, Harkness?

************WARNING TV TROPES**********
Triang Relations

Describes a number of “triangle” relationships, the ones I’d call triangles are
2, 6, 8, 9, 11, 12, 13
Calico
February 11th, 2012 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#72):
Ha! Pearled olives (?) for all! : )
Baka Gaijin
February 11th, 2012 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

@Nehemiah Scudder (#97): Oh THAT’s what happened!

@Sequitur (#99): Whew. Actually I thought it was the monkey nuts I ate last night germinating then making their escape this morning.
Baka Gaijin
February 11th, 2012 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

@Mars (#102): How about if some ruffian says “Hey, hots” to June Morgan?
Baka Gaijin
February 11th, 2012 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

@Mars (#102): Let me try that again. Leslie sees June Morgan, Blondie, Fritzi Ritz, and Rosa Aragones standing around in a room with a bed. He’d say, “Four hots and a cot!”

I’ll be here all week, try the veal, tip your waitress…
Shrug
February 11th, 2012 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

@Swordsmith (#103):

Another True Triangle (sexual) in lit that I’d have expected the Tropes site to cite appears in Samuel Delany’s DHALGREN, where The Kid’s male lover Denny and female lover (whose name I forget) are also occasional lovers.

Love Octagons are a bit tougher.

Local musician Nate Bucklin has a song, “The Love We Need,” whose lyrics include “A loves B, and B loves C, and C loves D and E; F loves G and H loves I, but nobody loves Me.” For extra credit, diagram and show your work.
Artist formerly known as Ben
February 11th, 2012 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

Pluggers: As his shirt demonstrates, Plugger Dog Man is a veteran of Zap Comix. For some reason Robert Crumb won’t return his phone calls.

JP: This could be the start of a fun afternoon for Randy if he has fantasies about Arab women. Or any women.

DtM: Now now, Mr. Wilson. You know Dennis can’t afford counsel himself, so are you willing to pay for his attorney?

A3G: How sweet. Nina’s already got the baby name picked out. And “Ultimate Sacrifice” can be either a boy’s or a girl’s name.

6C: She’s mulled the idea of dating a younger man, but a winged baby might be a step too far.

BB: Oh God, he’s got little blue pills in his bowl too. Prepare for an erection lasting more than four hours.

Phantom: Except for the part where the more people see you, the better chance they’ll notice you look nothing like El Guerrero Latino, solid plan.

GT: See fool, money, parting.

SSmith: I know the parson is a little ethically challenged and the Smifs are sorta dumb, but has he actually convinced them he’s the second coming?

Archie: Well of course, the “all you can eat” excludes Jughead. Cooking Jughead or any other long pig is an intricate process. You’re not going to throw it away on the salad bar.
Peanut Gallery
February 11th, 2012 at 5:06 pm [Reply]

@queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#69): You must have a rather relaxed definition of “dirty words”. Kudos on getting comment number 69, though!
bats :[
February 11th, 2012 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

@Baka Gaijin (#105): monkey nuts = gonads?
Écureuil Écumant
February 11th, 2012 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#98): Larry, Moe and Curly?
Poteet
February 11th, 2012 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

@Illustrator Steve (#50): The Markiverse is actually in a certain state? In the U.S.? On this planet?
[Old Man] Muffaroo
February 11th, 2012 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

@Shrug (#108): I met Nate 35 years ago. I was supposed to send him something, but I haven’t gotten round to it yet.

Love Octagons are a bit tougher.
That’s where a pair of octopodes have hand sex, right?
Peanut Gallery
February 11th, 2012 at 6:06 pm [Reply]

@bourbon babe, unbuckled (#98):

now I’m trying to imagine what a romantic triangle would be.

Triangle says to circle: “Do not come wiz me to ze Casbah – we shall make beautiful musicks togezzer right here!” (Triangles, of course, are very musical.)
Baka Gaijin
February 11th, 2012 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

@Shrug (#108): “Love Octagons are a bit tougher.” How difficult are Love Rombuses (Rhombi?)? Would you need a slapstick for that?

@Artist formerly known as Ben (#109) on Beetle Bailey: All the General has to do to deflate his 4-hour erection is look at his harridan wife. She’s definitely a wang shriveler.

@bats :[ (#111): I put a link to what “monkey nuts” are but I’ll spoil it: ‘Monkey nuts’ in the UK are the same thing as ‘roasted in the shell peanuts’ in the US. Yet another one of those quaint English expressions.
Umer M Zahid
January 29th, 2013 at 10:24 am [Reply]

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Metapost: Requiem for the COTW

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