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Real heroes rob banks

Mark Trail, 2/13/12

It’s well known that in the moral universe of Mark Trail, kindness to animals is the highest value. So, let’s ask ourselves: who are the real villains in this story? Mark and Tommy, who left poor Butch the blind dog alone in a field with only a jacket for company, and who have gone back to Tommy’s comfortable home to plot how to exploit Butch for big-time TV money? Or Jeff and Jamie, who, despite being on the run from the law and hiding out in some rustic cabin, are prepared to take pity on a poor hungry dog they’ve never even met before? I certainly hope that, instead of punching, this storyline ends with Mark taking a long, hard look at what he’s become.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 2/13/12

Starting with a punchline (even a good one, which this is not) and working your way back to create the set-up is always a terrible, terrible idea in comics. I mean, can you figure out any context in which it would make sense for Snuffy, Parson Tuttle, and a quartet of nameless Hootin’ Holler elder ladies to be gathered around one of the community’s few working TV sets to try to pick up the Grammys on its bunny ears? I guess it’s possible that inveterate lawbreaker Snuffy and notorious grifter/fraud Tuttle lured the town’s grandmothers to this viewing as a cruel prank, knowing that they’d be embarrassed and horrified by the flatlanders’ outlandish music and whorish outfits. So, yeah, actually, this totally makes sense in the strip’s milieu, forget I said anything.

249 responses to “Real heroes rob banks”

  1. Name
    February 13th, 2012 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    That dog has some small eyes

  2. Rarely Posts
    February 13th, 2012 at 8:27 am [Reply]

    Actually, in the Mark Trail moral universe, having a clean shaven face and conservative haircut are the highest moral values. I don’t care if that bank robber is a member of the Humane Society; with those sideburns, he’s an immoral monster who merits a punching.

  3. KreatureFeatures
    February 13th, 2012 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    Zits: This strip raises a question: Is self-esteem variable? I esteem myself at a pretty constant level, regardless of whether someone finds fault with my appearance or actions. Can a passing comment on your appearance really cause you to value yourself less as a person?

  4. word-doctor
    February 13th, 2012 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    MT: There is no possibility of redemption in the Trail Weltanschauung. All are sinners before the fist of an angry Mark.

  5. zenvelo
    February 13th, 2012 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    @Josh, I think it makes sense in this milieu, but not quite since.

  6. zenvelo
    February 13th, 2012 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    Rex Morgan: It’s getting exciting with John McCain making a guest appearance as Mabel’s lawyer. And now we find out that Rex used to date the lawyer’s mom. What an awkward place for Rex to meet his long lost son.

  7. Mumblix Grumph
    February 13th, 2012 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    Sometimes that blind dog he looks right into ya. Right into your eyes. And, you know, the thing about a blind dog… he’s got lifeless eyes. White eyes. Like a doll’s eyes. When he comes at ya, doesn’t seem to be living… until he bites ya on the sideburns, and those eyes roll over white and then… ah then you hear that terrible high-pitched screamin’. The forest turns red, and despite all the poundin’ and the hollerin’, they all come in and they… rip you to pieces.

  8. Chareth Cutestory
    February 13th, 2012 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    BGSS: They’re huge fans of Bonny Bear, wouldn’t miss his Grammy chances for the world.

  9. Écureuil Écumant
    February 13th, 2012 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    DtM: Henry looks remarkably nonchalant for a guy who’s just lost his balls. Hate to tell you this, Henry, but your tibia’s not gonna provide much of a barrier to those gamma rays you’re on the receiving end of.

    Curtis: Well, Billingsley, neither did you have to send Gunk all the way to Sorrisniva, Norway, to perpetrate such a half-assed joke for the benefit of your readers. Now send him back again pronto before you’re tempted to waste any more of our time on your lamest plot device.

    GT: I know people routinely get liquored up before daring to cross the threshold of the tattoo parlor. But guys, even Sterno squeezin’s would be a cut above a jug of kerosene.

    BB: Q: Why would anyone jump out of a perfectly good airplane? A: When it’s a C-130 sized troop transport with only one engine. And where the hell is Aerosquid when we really need him? He’d appreciate the defacement of Gummint property.

    9CL: Now which one of these was ballyhooed last month as the archetype of the 21st Century Ur-Ass? Did someone open the oven door and the quiche crashed? Or maybe those flatworms really have made it to the West Coast.

    A3G: It doesn’t have to be a straight handoff. Scott can line up behind the tight end and then Nina laterals to him. It’ll fake Social Services right out of their jocks.

    FOOB: Oh, those nighttime noises! “DRIP DRIP SQUEEEEK” — there’s nothing more bloodcurdling than the midnight shriek of a gerbil passing a bladder stone.

  10. Mumblix Grumph
    February 13th, 2012 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    Wow, Hootin’ Holler is more technically advanced that I thought. Not only do they have lectricity they also have one of those Magic Picture Story Boxes!

    Wait a damn minute…what am I thinking? This is Hootin Holler for crying out loud! That thing probably hasn’t worked since Nixon as in the White House. Why, it’s just a cardboard box with a page from People Magazine taped over the “screen”. Parson Tuttle, you mischievous bastard!

  11. S. Stout
    February 13th, 2012 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    Snuffy:Classic Snuffy, the strip starts out promising enough but always ends with discussion of theft, nudity, or bestiality.

    Luann: No Gunther, they will not teach you how to kick a guy in the nuts so hard he flies backward.

  12. jvwalt
    February 13th, 2012 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    One of these days, Snuffy Smith’s nightmarish tongue is going to slither around his throat and strangle him. Well, probably not, but a man can dream.

  13. smacky
    February 13th, 2012 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    GT: The coaches will spend the week alternating trips to Milford Ink, each time returning with bigger and more outlandish tattoos. “Why on earth do we keep saying ‘yes?!?’” Gil will wonder aloud as he examines Kaz’s back tattoo of a panther ridden by Cyndi Lauper jumping through a hoop of fire.

  14. Swordsmith
    February 13th, 2012 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    SSWhile the family is all agog over Grandma being in far off Haiti, Mom works either on an oil rig in the center of the Gulf of Mexico, or on the northern tip of Madagascar.

    http://www.freemaptools.com/radius-around-point.htm

    FW From the “thinking too hard about the Funky timeline” department: According to Wikipedia, at the 1992 reboot it was established that the original cast (which included Crazy Harry) graduated high school in 1988. Assuming he was roughly 18 at that point, and is 52 now, that means that the current year in Funky is 2022. We’ve also seen that Crankshaft is set 10 years prior to Funky, which would mean it is running in real time.

    A3g I’m confused, I thought Nina was Scott’s wife, who allowed herself to be talked into having a child despite not desiring one herself. Suddenly Tommie is talking as though Nina is a surrogate mother who is going to be giving up the child to this Scott person. Of course, it’s Tommie, so her jumping to conclusions like an idiot is perfectly in character. But Margo likewise appears to have no inkling that there is something wrong with… oh wait, it’s Margo, she is immune to such lowly considerations as to whether other people’s actions make any sense. Never mind, I’m fine with today’s strip.

    Curtis It appears this is an actual thing. Having Gunk present it didn’t help with the credibility. Did I mention I hate Gunk? Someone tell me when the run featuring him is over so I can go back to snarking on this strip.

    MW Why would Nola think that Mary would have any insight to offer as to whether her (unknown to Mary) boyfriend is cheating on her? What would make her approach Mary about this? No, as many have speculated here, the only way this story makes sense is if Nola is gleefully taunting Mary and her question is merely a thin facade to allow her to flaunt her “wicked ways.”

  15. Pozzo
    February 13th, 2012 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    Fortunately, the jackelrod ball emits a powerful scent that Butch can follow directly to the missing coat.

  16. Mibbitmaker
    February 13th, 2012 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    MT: “…and belongs in Little Orphan Annie!”

    (BG&)SS: “Ah also heared tell of them compooters, thet thar’s some feller on thar thet’s makin’ fun o’ us? Well, thet feller used words lahk ‘mill-yew’! HAW! HAW! Lahk some fancy-pants Frenchy or somethin’! HAW! HAW! HAW!”

  17. Anonymous
    February 13th, 2012 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    BG+SS-BG: The meemaws can always reclaim their knittin’ needles from the top of the set, straighten ‘em out and put ‘em back to the Godly task of fixin’ them pore gals some proper burqas or somethin’.

  18. Mibbitmaker
    February 13th, 2012 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    New Pop Culture’s Kids strip is up!

    Now it’s Surrelia’s turn to glimpse her future self.
    “The future, Conan…?”

  19. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 13th, 2012 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    JP: “And what kind of law do you practice, Sam?” “Practice? I just tell people I’m a lawyer, and they always end up giving me money.”

    A3G: That’s right, Tommie—go on about that oh-so-powerful mother-child bond to the woman whose mother handed her over to her employer to raise.

    Curtis: Haha! Poverty sucks! Amirite?

    MT: Yeah, at the words “poor dog,” I was ready to declare Jamie n’ Jeff the Local Heroes of this storyline.

  20. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 13th, 2012 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    Rex Morgan — Gerald, you’re a lying liar who lies. Essie couldn’t possibly be your MOTHER:

    http://homepage.mac.com/bjb/GenealogyUp/ps01/ps01_218.html

  21. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 13th, 2012 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    Her name was Nola, she was a floozy
    With yellow jacket and blue hair, and a glittery-eyed stare
    She is a flirt and she’ll do your husband
    And while she wants to have it all, Mary cautions her, “Beware!”
    Nola’s nuts and Mary’s gobsmacked—
    Who could ask for more?

    At the Charter—, Charterstone Condos
    The hottest spot south of Goleta!
    At the Charter—, Charterstone Condos
    Nola will kiss ya, but Mary will fix ya!
    In the condo—they ate terrine!

  22. pugfuggly
    February 13th, 2012 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    MT Tomorrow, the jacket is picked up by a migrating canadian goose, and Butch starts his long journey to Mexico…

    A3G “Oh SHIT, it’s my mother…just tell her I’m not here….”

    MW Oh dear, I think that Mary has just realized that her meddle armoury is filled exclusively with shame-based weaponry, which will be useless against a foe like Nola. Every time Mary tries to chide her, Nola just doubles down by telling her how much she doesn’t care, raising the stakes even higher. Truly, this will be Mary’s vietnam….

    Pluggers traditionally burn their formal attire on their wedding night to make it clear to their new spouses that, from that point on, they will no longer be giving a fuck about how they look….

  23. Effluvius Erratus
    February 13th, 2012 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    GT: “Getting hustled by the tattoo guy” has to be one of the saddest phrases in the English language.

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#19) re: A3G: Not to mention Lu Ann’s bio-mom giving her up to be raised by hateful, resentful people. I have to think this is as close as Tommie comes to sticking it to her roommates.

  24. Liam
    February 13th, 2012 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    Snuffy Smith-Hootin Holler is so backwards I am surprised that they even have a tv or even electricity for it to work. Maybe that is what happened to Barney Google. They offered him up as a sacrifice for the electricity.

  25. Comcis Fan
    February 13th, 2012 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    The parson seems to be enjoyin’ the show, perhaps he would prefer it if everyone else would leave him be with that thar TV set. Speaking of which, how in the Hootin’ Holler’ are these folks pickin’ up the Grammys on an old analog set that probably didn’t pick up much of a signal even before the digital switchover?

  26. pugfuggly
    February 13th, 2012 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#24):

    I think the secret gag is that Hootin’ Holler has no electricity , and even if they did, the TV couldn’t pick up anything on the rabbit ears now that everything has gone digital. So Snuffy and Tuttle just stuck an old copy of FHM in an old television set, told the town’s oldest surviving women that it was the Grammys, and sat back for an hour of entertainment as four old biddies attacked a piece of furniture, like hens pecking at a mirror.

  27. Little Guy
    February 13th, 2012 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    JP: Randy, you knew her as “Dixie Julep”.{*}

    SS: Too soon, man! Too soon!

    {*} Also too soon for “Zatari is Cundiff! Cundiff is Zatari!”

  28. Comcis Fan
    February 13th, 2012 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    Zits: Dr. Duncan should be more concerned with that odd thatch of hair, or Walkman foam piece, growing at the end of his combover.

  29. Chip Whittle
    February 13th, 2012 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G: “There’s nothing stronger than the bond between mother and child,” says one adoptee to another.

    (At risk of spoiling my joke: I don’t fault people giving children up to adoption, and I certainly admire those who adopt. But the idea that mother-and-child is a magical bond of superlative twee powers I don’t truck with.)

    Barney Google: I just want to know how Hootin’ Holler is picking up the Grammys on the DuMont Network.

    Brewster Rocket takes the words of Mark Trail seriously!

    Crankshaft: “I think we’ve got our slate of inductees for this year’s Centerville Sports Hall of Fame honors. There’s the guy who invented athlete’s foot, the guy who invented torn rotator cuffs, the woman who invented eating disorders for gymnasts, and Lisa Moore.”

  30. Jim Thompson
    February 13th, 2012 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    @Mumblix Grumph (#10): Since Dubya Bush outlawed our VHF/UHF teevees and rabbi ears in 2009, yore probbly rite about the slide show of 1990′s pin ups. Good eye, podnuh.

  31. hogenmogen
    February 13th, 2012 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    A3G:
    Margo: Tommie, it’s perfectly normal for a mother to not want their child. I was raised by a not-mother and a barely-there father and yet I… TOMMIE, DON’T STAND SO CLOSE TO ME. PUT A HAND ON ME AND I SWEAR TO GOD YOU’LL PULL BACK A STUMP!! Hm. I wonder who that is on the phone.

  32. Jocelyn Knockersbury
    February 13th, 2012 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    BG&SS: Strangely, Twitter was full of this exact same joke about Grammys under the hashtag #GrammaAwardsCategories. I… I don’t know how to feel about this.

  33. McManx
    February 13th, 2012 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    Snuffy — And for this group, half their clothes would still amount to a corset, petticoats, a bonnet and full set of long johns. No wonder Parson Tuttle is gazing so sinfully into midair.

    M Worth — Poor Mary is agast. It’s hard to meddle in someone’s life when she is so cheerfully fucking it up for herself.

    Dennis the Menace — Dennis just outed his own Dad’s illicit lustings for Miss Red — now THAT’s menacing.

    Slylock Fox — Judging from the dull, listless look on the Rabbit Family’s faces, I’d say they are missing the match to most of their DNA strand.

    Spiderman — “Thor and MJ are Asgard bound…” Gee, this sounds vaguely pornographic.

  34. hogenmogen
    February 13th, 2012 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#24): That’s right. They’re so backwards, the road sign says “Relloh Nitooh ot emoclew”. But maybe that’s because most people prefer to see it in their rearview mirror.

  35. hogenmogen
    February 13th, 2012 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    @McManx (#33): I’m pretty adventurous. Maybe I can talk Mrs. Mogen into some Ass-guard-binding. Do you think she’d give me a “Hammer-blow”?

    Spidey thinks he’s so slick, making Thor drag him to Asgard, because he can’t smack with his hammer in mid-air. Did the Spiderfreak consider that once he gets to his home turf, there will be absolutely no limit to how fast he can stomp Spidey? STOMP STOMP! STOMP SPIDEY!

  36. Chip Whittle
    February 13th, 2012 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean: How does Bull pull his shirt on every day? I don’t mean because his head is twice as wide around as the neck, I mean because of his obvious severe mental disorder.

    Gil Thorp: Hey, the Ghost Who Tattoos came through and punched Milford Ink in the stomach. Cool.

    Henry: Hey, those Smallpox Lollipops really, really work!

    I wonder if Henry is so far back in time Dr. Smith still makes house calls.

    Pluggers have decided to make the citizens of Saint Paul feel nervous and self-conscious. Good work, Pluggers!

  37. Dennis Jimenez
    February 13th, 2012 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    MT – Those vacant eyes – you can tell they hold not a clue – I’m talkin’ ’bout Jeff and Jamie, ‘course….

    BG&SS – Meanwhile at the Google household, there’s a wardobe malfunction when Effie stumbles, tripping on he boobs….

    Adios Amigos, DJ.

  38. AhClem
    February 13th, 2012 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    BG&SS – Since the Rural Electrification Administration bypassed Hootin’ Holler many decades ago, they must be watching one of those coal-fired steam TV sets.

  39. Chip Whittle
    February 13th, 2012 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    Slylock Fox: One item of each pair is stolen? I’m smelling creepy stalker ex, anyone else? Oh, what am I saying? It’s Reeky Rat, it’s always Reeky Rat.

    Spider-Man: What Thor didn’t count on was that Peter Parker has the “third-wheel” abilities of a spider!

    Todd the Dinosaur: If you asked me which comic strip would make dinosaur intestinal blockages the subject matter, I’d probably have guessed Mark Trail. I was wrong.

  40. TheDiva
    February 13th, 2012 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    MT: It’s a Little Orphan Annie dog!

    9CL: No human being in the history of ever has used “assembled” as a synonym for “dressed.”

    A3G: If this ends with “Nina gives birth and instantly falls in love with the baby making her the perfect mother,” my wrath will know no bounds.

    C’shaft: “Crankshaft? That mean hateful geezer who can’t string a coherent sentence together?”
    “You’re right, nobody would seriously be interested in honoring him. Must be a gag nomination.”

    FW: Why does Westview girl’s basketball get this much news coverage? The best high schools around here can hope for is a thirty-second blurb at the end of the Saturday sports segment.

    GT: It’s funny because they’re planning arson.

    Luann: Ha-ha, no.

    MW: “Because I usually get what I want by being an insufferable busybody nobody can say no to for some reason.”

    Pluggers don’t even dress up when they get dressed up.

    SM: *Thor kicks Spidey off, the end*

  41. Mibbitmaker
    February 13th, 2012 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    BBlues: Somewhere, Monica Lewinsky is sounding alot like Bugs Bunny lately…

    BBailey: Given the color of Beetle’s parachute, the strip just turned into a grisly horror movie!

    9CL: “La Dolce Vita”? *sniff* Lowbrow….

    Edison Lee: “Kim Kardashian is beautiful”? As if I couldn’t hate this twerp more.
    What a giant ass!
    ….the boy….

    PCity: They’re ALL untalented, dimwit!

    FW: They don’t even pretend she’s not the Specialest Star* anymore!
    *”Snowflake” wouldn’t work here.

    GT: Wow! Dude’s going to commit a major, property-wrecking violent crime upon Tattoo Boy! Yep, you’re the moral superior alright, Kaz! (and I’m not a tattoo fan, either!)

    HotC: Poor boy. Just discovered MAD, only to find out that the magazine hasn’t been that great since at least the early 1970s. Go back to your MAD comic book/magazine hybrid from the ’50s, kid.
    potrzebie

    Lockhorns: OMIGOD!!! It’s… an unholy Conan/Leno mashup monster! That NBC will stop at nothing!
    And I thought the new crew would be different! *sob!*

    RMMD: “Mr. Bolinger…. why do you keep referring to me as ‘my friends’?”

    MW: “Well, I’m not just ANYone, Nola…” Sadly.

  42. Marc
    February 13th, 2012 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth- Nola is awesome. If for no other reason than she is about to make Mary blow a synapse and send her to the nuthouse.

    Mark Trail- “That poor dog is probably hungry.” “I hope you’re right.”

    Luann- No amount of Israeli karate classes is going to make a guy who wears a plaid dress shirt tucked into his underwear, pants that don’t reach his ankles, and polka dot socks athletic enough to not get his ass kicked by anybody who isn’t a blind dalmation.

    Funky- How many goddam interviews do these news crews need to do with this guy? Everybody should already know he’s a dumbass. Apparently girls basketball games, and cancer are the only newsworthy items in town.

    Cranky- Yes because all little burbs need 8 person panels and have hundreds of applicants every year for their sports hall of fames.

  43. Braniff
    February 13th, 2012 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    Barney Google/Snuffy Smith–I think they call the awards “The Grannys” after Granny Clampett! Which begs the question–do they also watch the Jeds, the Jethros and the Elly Mays?

  44. Nate
    February 13th, 2012 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    I’d like everyone to take a monent and picture Parson Tuttle as the bishop accompanying Nicky Minaj in her Grammy performance.

  45. hogenmogen
    February 13th, 2012 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#29): Crank:
    The guy in panel 2 looks frighteningly like a former unscrupulous VP boss of mine. He used his inside contacts on the Board of Directors to oust the Prez, and then the first thing the new Prez did was fire that shifty VP. I’d say that being forced to bring up pointless minutia at a dreary punchline-free meeting pertaining to a local amateur D list athlete who’s records have been surpassed and who’s glory days are long forgotten would be a fitting punishment. But you never know, maybe my old boss has finally found his niche.

  46. McManx
    February 13th, 2012 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#35): Sure. Make her dress up as a valkyrie, and you got one hell of a fantasy night going there, bub. It is Valentine’s eve, afterall.

  47. Ed Dravecky
    February 13th, 2012 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    The Grammys? So that wasn’t Special Agent Sam Hanna undercover trying to solve Whitney Houston’s murder on a very special musical episode of NCIS: Los Angeles? Darn.

  48. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 13th, 2012 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#y63):

    It’s interesting just how many PHANTOM artists have also worked for DC Comics at one time or another:

    Eduardo Barreto
    Terry Beatty
    Graham Nolan
    Paul Ryan

    Phantom comic book only:

    Pat Boyette (Charlton)
    Don Heck (King)
    Don Newton (Charlton)

    Who have I left out?

  49. Little Guy
    February 13th, 2012 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    @Ed Dravecky (#47): I laughed. Aisle seat, please.

    GT: Maybe he should have set up shop as a rap music store in Curtis’ neighborhood.

  50. K. Ivan Ruppert
    February 13th, 2012 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    I have to wonder what those Hootin’ Hollerites are actually watching, since rabbit ears haven’t picked up any actual TV broadcasts since TV went all-digital like two years ago! Maybe they’re watching an ancient and battered VHS tape of The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas recorded off of TBS sometime in the 80′s, and Snuffy and Tuttle know that these grannies are so out of touch they’ll believe this is the Grammies. “Looks like Dolly Parton got snubbed for Best Artist again this year. I win our bet, so hand over those pension checks, ladies!”

  51. Frank Lee Meidere
    February 13th, 2012 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    AG3: Tommy thinks nothing is stronger than the bond between a mother and her child, but Margo knows the truth: there is nothing stronger than the bond between the hive and its queen.

    Pibgorn: I take it all back. McEldowney is a genius. See, he’s used a person to represent government! Get it? This might be a hard for many of us to grasp, because nobody has ever done it before, but basically, he’s personifying government! In a cartoon!

    And you know what’s even weirder? As a sophisticated, independent thinker, he hasn’t been taken in by the government — he thinks it can be pretty stupid.

  52. wossname
    February 13th, 2012 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    Scary Gary – Did a grizzly bear get murdered? No? Then it was a grisly murder, you bonehead. Argh. This has been a message from the didactic duo.

    Phantom – GURKK! Good onomatopeia for a guy whose throat is being crushed between two Spandex-clad legs.

  53. Currer Bell
    February 13th, 2012 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    @Swordsmith I share your confusion regarding the A3G storyline. I was hoping someone here would be able to explain it, since I consider Josh and you all my comic strip gurus. Kind of like in BC – I’m the cave man crawling up the mountain, hoping to obtain wisdom from the guru at the top. Like the strip, I’ll be subjected to sarcasm instead of wisdom, except in this case you all are more clever so my lips won’t form a squiggly line of frustration.

  54. Maggie the Cat
    February 13th, 2012 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#29): You took the words right out of my mouth!

  55. Esther Blodgett
    February 13th, 2012 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    @Currer Bell (#53): Too early for a COTW nom?

  56. Illustrator Steve
    February 13th, 2012 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    MT – Meanwhile, Butch loses the scent of his masters jacket while blindly tripping over a cluster of VILLIANOUS FLATWORMS that were attempting to migrate back to New Zealand to show their wormy friends their shiny new gold plated worm bands they ordered from some old lady in Canada.

  57. Esther Blodgett
    February 13th, 2012 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    FW: It’s “consomme,” idiot. (With an an accent on the “e” that I don’t know how to render here.) A malapropism of a malapropism equals…oh, hell, let’s call it cancer and be done with it.

  58. Dood
    February 13th, 2012 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    It’s clear that Parson Tuttle is once again counting his pay-per-view earnings as the sole owner of the only sorta working TV in Hootin’ Holler. Sign, if only these rubes cared about NFL football, the parson thinks.

  59. bats :[
    February 13th, 2012 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#y74): talk about strong-willed (as though she has any competition…).

  60. Poteet
    February 13th, 2012 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    MT — I’ll snarl this just one more time — this is actually yet another MT story about irresponsible pet ownership, and the villains are Mark and Tommy, who should be punching each other. And when Butch gets safely home, which he wouldn’t in real life, he should bite them both.

  61. Frank Lee Meidere
    February 13th, 2012 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    DtM: Who did Mr. Menace saying this too that Dennis could over-hear him? If he said it privately to his wife, then she already knows he thinks Red is hot, so no harm done. If he’s saying it privately to Dennis — well, he’s an idiot and gets what he deserves.

  62. Señor Tortilla
    February 13th, 2012 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    Yesterday’s Blondie: I didn’t have enough time yesterday, but is the clown couple really serious? Are they so into clowning that they want a clown-themed wedding, or are they pranking Blondie? And if they WEREN’T kidding, they would go through with a clown-themed wedding, followed by a clown honeymoon, and clown sex. Eww!

    A3G: Tommie and Margo react as if this “It’s his baby, not mine” is totally normal.

    9CL: I don’t want to waste brain time on this incomprehensible piece of crap!

    Curtis: Unless this is the week Gunk finally gets decapitated, then this week is going to suck.

    FW: What the hell? It’s like Bull’s head is three times larger than his torso in the last panel. He really is full of hot air.

    GT: Hey, Commodorejohn may have actually predicted this!

    Luann: Gunther is supposed to be imagining this, right?

    Spider-Man: Remind me when this storyline started?

    MW: “Well, allow me to be the first to stop you. Meddling Powers are Go!”

  63. hogenmogen
    February 13th, 2012 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    Crank: I recall the debate at Time magazine in late 1999 when they were deliberating “Person of the Century”. All their metrics (such as profound global influence and instant name recognition) were met by one man – Adolf Hitler. Several editors said that was absolutely NOT going to happen, because his profound global influence was hideous. I wish the same for Cranky. No matter what his contributions on the baseball diamond, the guy has spent the remaining five decades of his life being a miserable prick to all those that have the misfortune of knowing him. Someone on that damn committee should reveal a vest of explosives and a hand on the detonator. “NO WAY is that dipshit making the grade, or I blow this building and everyone in it to HIGH HELL!!!”

    “Yawn. Try some decaf.”
    “Yeah, in this town, even the threat of a violent death can’t wake us from our unshakeable morose disposition.”

  64. Frank Lee Meidere
    February 13th, 2012 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    “who did Mr. Menace say this to…”

    As I hit the Post button I thought, “No need to preview this short comment.” Immediately after hitting the Post button I thought, “Oh, shit!”

    I’m in a rush today.

  65. hogenmogen
    February 13th, 2012 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    MW: Mary should see her Machevellian ideological twin staring at her from across the table. When has SHE ever let anyone get in the way of what SHE wants?

  66. bats :[
    February 13th, 2012 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    @jvwalt (#12): maybe it’ll be revealed after lo, these many years, that Hootin’ Holler has provided sanctuary to a rogue band of New Zealand flatworms — and you can guess where they’ve been hiding!!! Yes, it’s the stuff of nightmares…no wonder BG hasn’t been back!

  67. hogenmogen
    February 13th, 2012 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#65): In Mr. Menace’s defense, I think that she’s kinda hot, too.

  68. hogenmogen
    February 13th, 2012 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    I meant to reply to #64, Frank Lee Meidere

  69. Liam
    February 13th, 2012 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    A3G-And with the ringing of the phone we shall segue into the thrilling adventure of Luann in South Dakota.

    MW-Mary is upset because Nola is pleased with what she did. When people don’t conform to Mary’s worldview that upsets her.

    Gil Thorp-Geez the town in “Footloose” was more tolerant about it’s intolerance to dancing than these people are to tattoos.

  70. Illustrator Steve
    February 13th, 2012 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    MT – Much more interestig than today’s Mark Trail strip, let us take a closer look at yesterday’s Sunday Mark Trail? Is that a biblical passage engraved on that earthworm’s band? It does seem to have quite a goldish tint to it. I think Mark should investigate this because, as Mark himself said, “THIS WILL MAKE A GOOD STORY”. Much better than a story about the blind leading the blind.

  71. Esther Blodgett
    February 13th, 2012 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#64): “To whom did Mr. Menace say this…” As long as we’re being pedantic on an Internet comments page.*

    * Do you how much I love being part of a forum where people not only strive to use correct English but actually correct themselves when they don’t? Like, a lot.

    ** Beloved Spouse also calls Henry Mitchell “Mr. Menace.” I think the comic should be retconned so that Dennis’ real name is Dennis T. Menace. Easier and funnier, to boot.

  72. Austria
    February 13th, 2012 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    Arch: “For this horrid sweater.”

    BGSS: The “oh these pop stars and their slutty clothes” joke hasn’t been funny since Britney Spears donned a Catholic schoolgirl outfit for Baby One More Time or whichever video that was. And that was in the nineties. I was going to say I didn’t think it was possible for this strip to be less topical than any of the other strips on the page, but then I remembered, wait, this is Barney Google and Snuffy Smith we’re talking about. It’s like how we don’t see the light from stars until thousands of years later – Hootin’ Holler is just now picking up the TV signal for the 1997 Grammys. In a few years we’ll see a strip with Snuffy going around saying “WAZZUUUUUUUUUUUUP?”

    BC: Can I just say I love how they portray the dog in this strip?

    Curtis: Third panel should have been “Forget Norway!”

    FW: It took him THIS LONG to notice the Special Snowflakery of Summer Moore?

  73. Chip Whittle
    February 13th, 2012 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    Annie: Wait, Annie’s been abducted (this time) by Andy Richter as one of the Katzenjammer Kids? The heck did this happen?

    Compu-Toon: Am I reading this wrong or is this a strip about computers wanting sex with people?

    In The Sticks: I like that the bear’s only wish is that people stop “intentionally” running him over with golf carts. Les Moore has the same longing.

    Jane’s World: Well, that’s gonna happen when you buy the transporter rubidium crystals.

    Last Kiss: Margo and Marvin cut a deal.

  74. Liam
    February 13th, 2012 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    Gil Thorp-Grrr! I hate tattoos and their non-conformist conformity so much that I want to burn down every tattoo parlor I see.

  75. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    February 13th, 2012 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    (Holy crap. I’m watching BOYS’ TOWN, and my favorite scene came up, where Pud (Bobs Watson) gets hit by a car. And, lord help me, this time I cared, and I felt bad. What the hell is happening to me? Is this what parenthood does to you?)

    3G – Oh! Dramatic necessity has caused the amorphous lavender universe to manifest a telephone. It’s had so little time to prepare that it has to signal an incoming call by calling out the first thing it can think of — in this case, the opening of an upbeat Stephen Foster song.

    Slylock – “By the way, Mr. Slylock, whatever you do, don’t say anything about my brother Bongo in the next room. He’s kinda sensitive.”

    Dennis – “Would you like a fan? My dad said your ass is so hot he could fry eggs on it!”

  76. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    February 13th, 2012 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    Judge – Here’s where Sam tricks Monique into agreeing that “writ” is the singular form of “snack cracker,” thus revealing that she’s not a really real lawyer! Her days are numbered. Sic transit gloria hotties.

    Marmaduke – “Ach, Gott! Eva! HILF MIR!!”

    Pluggers – In place of a comment, I’ll pass on this “top tip” from VIZ: “Give yourself a nice surprise at the next wedding or funeral by slipping a tenner into a pocket of your dark suit now.”

    @Droopy Says (#y80): With some creative twisting and pulling Thor could reel in Spider man. Then –”Excuse me while I kick this guy!”
    Purple haze? That’s the background in Apartment 3G!

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#48): Who have I left out?
    Hmmmm, no idea! My comics knowledge peaked a long time back, and I’ve had to start forgetting stuff in order to remember where I live and how to find the kitchen.

  77. fadograf
    February 13th, 2012 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft: Wow. The time leap didn’t do Curtis any favors.

  78. Perky Bird
    February 13th, 2012 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    “Nothing is stronger than the bond between a mother and her child, Margo. Seriously, I’m a practicing midwife, so I should know. I mean, you have to squeeze down really, really hard on the scissors to cut that slimy little cord-thing that attaches the baby to the woman’s hoo-hoo.”

  79. seismic-2
    February 13th, 2012 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    MT: Yes, Butch is a “poor dog”. He can’t even afford cataract surgery. However, if Tommy and Mark’s plan works out right, Butch will become a reality TV star on Animal Planet, and that will enable Tommy’s business to thrive. That is, a business that is built around a single hunting dog, who is famous because he is blind. Sorry, Butch, but the prospects for that cataract surgery are about as dim as your eyesight.

  80. Chip Whittle
    February 13th, 2012 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    Luann: I’m all for fracturing narrative, as long as it’s over Gunther’s skull.

    Mythtickle: I rarely have a bad word to say about the strip, but the character design for Venus here, is so off-putting I’m worried Justin Thompson is going to get the Roman Gods to pay attention to him. And, as anyone who ever read any myth knows, once the Roman Gods notice you you’re doomed. The best you can hope for is to be turned into a slug and dropped on Aechyllus’s pancreas.

    But, really, Mythickle‘s Venus looks like some transporter accident between Strawberry Shortcake and Betty Boop then went wrong.

    Nancy takes us back to the scary corners of DeviantArt.

    Pibgorn: Ha ha, see, Brooke McEldowney does have such a brilliant insight. After all, the entire point of government is for meddling biddies who want to ruin everything good, and it has never ever done a blasted thing to make people’s lives safer, longer, more comfortable, or less wracked by the untampered fury of human predation. By every possible measure lawless regions are the better ones to live in, and no law, no government, no government-supported entity has ever relieved a single person’s suffering by even the slightest jot. It’s just a bunch of mean-spirited jerks out kicking everyone and he didn’t even hit Curtis first Ma!

    Red and Rover: Boy, I’m glad Rover’s head isn’t two feet lower down.

  81. Red Greenback
    February 13th, 2012 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    I was reading Barney Google and Snuffy Smith before it was cool.

  82. Cloudbuster
    February 13th, 2012 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    FW: Well-played Batiuk, you managed to simultaneously humiliate Bull and praise the specialist snowflake simultaneously. Way to eek out the mileage per panel.

    MW:

    Mary: “Nola, let me ask you a question … did you really mean it … that you get want you want because you don’t let anyone stop you?” Mary’s grip tightens on the Glock 19 she’s holding under the table. In that instant, time seems to stand still as she waits for Nola’s answer.

    Nola: Yeah. Yeah, I really mean that shit.

    Mary: Nola, There’s this passage I got memorized. Ezekiel 25:17. “The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am The Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.” I been saying that shit for years. And if you heard it, that meant your ass. I never gave much thought to what it meant. I just thought it was some cold-blooded shit to say to a motherfucker before I popped a cap in her ass. But I saw some shit this morning made me think twice. See, now I’m thinking, maybe it means you’re the evil woman, and I’m the righteous woman, and Miss 9 millimeter here, she’s the shepherd protecting my righteous ass in the valley of darkness. Or it could mean you’re the righteous woman and I’m the shepherd and it’s the world that’s evil and selfish. I’d like that. But that shit ain’t the truth. The truth is, you’re the weak, and I’m the tyranny of evil men. But I’m trying, Nola. I’m trying real hard to be the shepherd.

  83. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 13th, 2012 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    Lio: d’awwww.

    NAoQV: *cries*

    HotC: the Star Wars updates aren’t THAT bad, Dean!

    Bizarr: un petite la femme’ skunk!

    JP: that’s some might fine tracts of land. just say’n.

    Mutts: political subtext?

    RwO would be very offensive if the word balloons were switched.

  84. Poteet
    February 13th, 2012 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    BG & SS — I tried wearing a sunbonnet years ago (what can I say, it was in the Seventies). The one I had looked authentic, but was neither comfortable nor flattering. So I’m curious as to why two of the elder ladies are wearing sunbonnets indoors along with matching solid-color dresses. By contrast, the two elder ladies on the right look almost sorta kinda modern, and one even has blue hair.

    Are there cults within Hootin’ Holler? Is it possible that the sunbonneted elder ladies on the left are sister wives in a polygamous marriage?

  85. bats :[
    February 13th, 2012 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#69): re MW: is Mary upset? Really? Well, in an old meddling biddy sort of way?

  86. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    February 13th, 2012 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    MT: Are we sure that’s not Little Orphan Annie’s dog?

  87. AhClem
    February 13th, 2012 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    A3G – “Margo? This is Luann. I need your help! We went to the Mall of America in Minneapolis during our flight layover, and while riding the escalator the power went out. I’ve been stuck here between the 2nd and 3rd floor for nearly 4 hours! What should I do?”

  88. UncleJeff
    February 13th, 2012 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    Doonesbury: Oh, NO! Is Trudeau about to try to parody “The Grey” with villainous, yet unseen WOLVES!!!!!

    MT: Maybe jackelrod is preparing us for the Great Swerve. Our robber really stole money from the bank’s secret slush fund for driving poor hunting dog trainers into foreclosure and their loving kindness towards the poor blind dog will be rewarded with a major television expose that will lead to major reforms of the housing industry, surgery for Ol’ Yeller and the dropping of all criminal charges.
    Naw. Too much work.

    Crankshaft: There are several high schools in my area who have started athletic halls of fame and I’ve heard some of those selection committee meetings do get quite into the “sure he was our school’s all-time leading scorer but he’s such an ass today” debates. Sort of like the baseball HOF debates over steroid users but far more petty.

  89. UncleJeff
    February 13th, 2012 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    MT: would it be too much to ask jackelrod that we get one panel of poor ol’ Butch the blind dog going “ARF!” (ala Sandy of the late lamented LOA)?

  90. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 13th, 2012 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    10 pages of Grammy lols, none of them funny.

    hoverdog.

    clever win that Poteet might get an extra kick out of.

    4:20 Truth.

    meanwhile, in Thailand. (nsfw)

    commodorejohn wants you to know that it runs in the family.

    corgi after reading the funnies.

    corgi after reading Reply All.

  91. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 13th, 2012 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#52): Beat me to it. “Grizzly” murder, forsooth. Didn’t cartoonists used to complain about editors? There are no editors.

  92. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 13th, 2012 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    @S. Stout (#11): actually, krav maga is the one MA where they WILL!

  93. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 13th, 2012 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#75): The scene where Bobs Watson’s PUD is hit by a car has deep meaning for me, too:

    http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=pud

  94. Joshua
    February 13th, 2012 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    Am I reading Luann correctly — after one week, Gunther is able to defeat Leslie in a fight, and then Gunther decides to start taking a Krav Maga class?

  95. Joshua
    February 13th, 2012 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    @Swordsmith (#14): What strip is SS?

  96. Bill the Butcher
    February 13th, 2012 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    @Mumblix Grumph (#7): Two sideburns up!

  97. Bill the Butcher
    February 13th, 2012 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    @Joshua (#94): I think the first two panels were meant as a Gunthroid daydream. But in the third he’s a-wandering the streets with a shirt change, and unmolested, so that makes even less sense, but when did Luann make sense anyway. Gah!

  98. Bill the Butcher
    February 13th, 2012 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    MT: The dog’s hungry, so the bank robbers are going to feed him their loot.

  99. Tom
    February 13th, 2012 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    MT: Stupid dog, humans don’t have coats, just a little hair on the top of their heads.

  100. BigTed
    February 13th, 2012 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    “Th’ gals on here are less than half our age!!”

    So Katy Perry and Rihanna are 60?

  101. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    February 13th, 2012 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#93): We were well aware that Pud wasn’t just the Dubble Bubble mascot when we bestowed the nickname on Bobs Watson. We had previously used the name for a local kid, though in his case we included a surname: Puller. We, uh, didn’t like him.

    I almost called my sister this morning to tell her Pud was about to get hit by the car. Memories!

  102. Smokehouse
    February 13th, 2012 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    Maybe Mark will end up punching himself, thus answering the age-old question: can an unstoppable fist punch an immovable jaw?

  103. kkarenb
    February 13th, 2012 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    Snuffy Smith – Any one performer at the Grammys has more teeth than the Hootin Holler watchers combined.

    Re the Grammys: I am quoting this from memory and did not look it up, but when the Beatles were notified that they won a Grammy, John Lennon asked whose Grandma they had won.

    A3G – This story is wrong, wrong, wrong on every level. Once when I was not home, my doctor’s office called about an appointment. Because of HIPAA, they would not tell my husband when the appointment was. Yet we have Tommie discussing everything about her patient with Margo. I hope the hospital fires her ass. And the mother uninterested in children but having one because her husband insists – aside from the horrible attitude, didn’t this happen with Anthony and Therese? It’s pretty bad when you lift your stories from FOOB.

  104. Maggie the Cat
    February 13th, 2012 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#84): They’re wearing bonnets because only whores show their hair outside the confines of the marriage bed.

  105. Maggie the Cat
    February 13th, 2012 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#84): The two slatterns on the right could learn a thing or two about morals from the ladies on the left!

  106. flatsixes
    February 13th, 2012 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    MT- Not that it matters, but if Ol’ Deadeye makes so much noise that the Sideburns Gang can hear him approaching from inside the hideout, how in the hell does he sneak up on birds?

  107. Government Cheese
    February 13th, 2012 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    Luann: The choice of attire from both individuals is really amusing. Gunther of course is dressed like a chump and his pants are tailored so badly he has trouble enacting his fantasy kick. Now, the other dude, he is wearing President Sarkozy/Kim Jong-il platform shoes? Check out the heels on that guy.

    In the end we all know that Gunther will get hopped up on steroids and end up getting so big he won’t be able to wipe his own ass.

  108. Dood
    February 13th, 2012 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail: Shouldn’t Butch’s master’s jacket be green?

  109. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 13th, 2012 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#71): I think the comic should be retconned so that Dennis’ real name is Dennis T. Menace. Easier and funnier, to boot.

    Or reboot, as it were.

  110. Spotts1701
    February 13th, 2012 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    CS: What is it with Batiuk and amputees with pinned-up sleeves? First it was ol’ whats-her-name in Funky, and now this one-off guy who drew the short straw of shilling for Sourpuss Ed.

    FW: Are we sure Bull hasn’t had a stroke?

    Luann: Did Evans get his strips for this week and last week mixed up?

    JP: Aw, I wanted to see a deranged woman pull a piece on these two clods. I never get what I want…

  111. Hyhybt
    February 13th, 2012 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    Snuffy: It’s not quite a random collection, and not one of the few TV’s. The parson and his wife have the *only* TV in the Holler, which is why every strip involving one is at their house.

  112. Marc
    February 13th, 2012 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    A3G- When Margo answers the phone, it will be LuAnn on the other line asking for money. She accidentally got Minneapolis confused with Indianapolis and is stuck in the Indy airport with a maxed out credit card. Margo will eventually and begrudgingly agree to wire LuAnn the money she needs. Which leads to LuAnn inquiring how the money fits into a wire.

  113. bats :[
    February 13th, 2012 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    @Government Cheese (#107): that’s what the Billy the Bookworm costume is for.
    Ew.
    Sorry.

  114. Poteet
    February 13th, 2012 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#59): BWAHAHA!

  115. Poteet
    February 13th, 2012 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

  116. K^2
    February 13th, 2012 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: You know you’re a Plugger when you get really dressed up only for weddings and funerals, specifically your own.

  117. commodorejohn
    February 13th, 2012 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#90): Hah, not that, but very nearly everything else about me is indeed hereditary… ;) [*]

    A3G – Wait, what? They meant that literally?

    C&B – You have learned well, Boy.

    Crankshaft – Wait, what? This was seriously intended as a storyline? (And the local hall-of-fame of a Dayton suburb is prestigious enough to bother stonewalling someone?)

    Curtis – We would like to offer this heartfelt apology to the people of Norway.

    DT – Nice lounge. ‘Dja import it directly from 1968?

    FW – NO. THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE. GO BACK AND TRY AGAIN.

    GT – …well! While I’m on a lucky streak, I’d like to take a moment to predict that this year I’ll meet and win the heart of an attractive young lady who is okay with my various strangenesses…

    HOTC – Saw the Phantom Menace rerelease, eh?

    JP – Real estate? Figures…she’s certainly got huge “tracts of land!”

    Liō – Evidently Eva is prepared for any occasion.

    Luann – I’m not a violent man by any measure, but right now I’d just really, really like to pound Gunther’s face in.

    Mandrake – “Only one way to save Mandrake! These little gift bags of hand-milled flour!”

    MT – GET ON WITH IT!!!

    MW – “It sounds intriguing…tell me more!”

    RMMD – John McCain!?

    SM – Meanwhile, Mary-Jane ponders just exactly when it was that her life went so very wrong.

  118. Poteet
    February 13th, 2012 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    @Maggie the Cat (#105): Well, now I know the cult Loweezy belongs to.

  119. Government Cheese
    February 13th, 2012 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#113): Oh now that image is etched in my head. My synapses will never fire correctly again.

    However, he could put that costume to good use. Maybe he could transform himself into a Pitts High School superhero “Wormcock” and defend the lesser orders of high school society. Not sure what superhero power he would have.

  120. Calico
    February 13th, 2012 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    DtM – “Dad, what is that stain on the front of your pants?”
    Haha, Poor Henry is just going to have to watch his mouth around his equally loquacious son a bit more.
    I’m a little sad we can’t see Alice’s face. : (

  121. Shrug
    February 13th, 2012 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    @Mumblix Grumph (#10):

    “This is Hootin Holler for crying out loud! That thing probably hasn’t worked since Nixon as in the White House. Why, it’s just a cardboard box with a page from People Magazine taped over the “screen”.”

    For that matter, I doubt that Hootin’ Holler has advanced to the “PEOPLE MAGAZINE” era. The ripped-out page is probably actually from GODEY’S LADIES’ BOOK.

  122. Marc
    February 13th, 2012 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#82): +10000 for a Pulp Fiction reference. And even better for working that whole quote in. Well done, well done.

  123. Shrug
    February 13th, 2012 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    A couple of days ago, someone here (obviously not one of the Minnesota crew) asked if “They still make snow tires.” I think you’ll find that today’s RIP HAYWIRE strip answers that question.

  124. Marc
    February 13th, 2012 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    @Spotts1701 (#110): What is it with Batiuk and amputees in general? How many people missing arms are there in this one little area of Ohio? I think that miserable puss bag just like drawing people with missing limbs. It’s a fucking fetish with him.

  125. A Smirch Unheeded
    February 13th, 2012 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    Hey Nehemiah! How many days has it been since Barney Google last appeared in the comic strip named after him?

  126. Shrug
    February 13th, 2012 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#24):

    Electricity in Hootin’ Holler comes from potato batteries. It’s rarely been a plot factor because the residents have to stalk and capture a potato to use one, and the average potato is more intelligent than the average HollerHooter.

  127. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 13th, 2012 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    @A Smirch Unheeded (#125): Glad you asked, Mr. Unheeded! It has been 5517 days since the Googly one last appeared in his eponymous comic strip.

  128. Ride dem haunches
    February 13th, 2012 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#127): Gosh! That means it is just 38 days to Barneypalooza, the big 5555 commemoration. Gee, I better get working on my costume.

  129. Calico
    February 13th, 2012 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#57):
    Try typing alt 0233 (I’m using a PC)
    é

  130. Mibbitmaker
    February 13th, 2012 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    @Red Greenback (#81): Before it was cool was before Fred Lasswell handed over the strip to Billy deBeck, who eventually wrote Snuffy and his clan out of the strip, making it about Barney and Spark Plug going to the races instead.

  131. Shrug
    February 13th, 2012 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#62):

    Or as the MST3K team said while watching the short “Here Comes the Circus,” — “ehhhwww, they’re doing it ‘clown style’!”

  132. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 13th, 2012 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    @Ride dem haunches (#128): And I shall be working on my epic rewrite of Milton’s Paradise Lost for that momentous occasion, wherein I substitute characters from various comic strips for demons of hell. Barney Google Lost I’ll call it.

  133. Baka Gaijin
    February 13th, 2012 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#9): “A gerbil passing a bladder stone.” Newest spoken word album by Henry Rollins.

    @Swordsmith (#14): I’m going with “thin facade.” Nola is just jerking Mary’s chain and hard.

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#21): This deserves to be on the long-form COTW float.

  134. Shrug
    February 13th, 2012 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#82):

    “Mary’s grip tightens on the Glock 19 she’s holding under the table.”

    Go ahead and SHOOT, Mary! Don’t be a Glock-teaser!!

  135. Shrug
    February 13th, 2012 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    @flatsixes (#106):

    Butch makes so much noise that he can only sneak up on deaf birds.

    Fortunately, there’s a nearby wild bird trainer who has a *lot* of deaf birds; his wife wants him to get rid of them but he’s sure that as soon as his old buddy Mark Trail gets the message he left for him and comes over to help, Mark will be able to introduce him to a movie producer who will do a heart-warming story about deaf birds who can still hunt worms, and this will bring in enough money to save his wild bird training business.

    Unfortunately Cherry says Mark is off on some other, no doubt totally-unrelated, adventure just at the moment.

  136. Dennis Jimenez
    February 13th, 2012 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    Ooh – Ooh – I hope the lost forest is in California, cuz he took the coat, too – so that’s his third strike – life in the San Q Castle, baby!!!

  137. wossname
    February 13th, 2012 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#57): I was bothered by the same thing. I guess he was afraid that if he just said consommé, nobody would understand that it was a malapropism for consummate. So he made up a hybrid nonexistent word, which is stupid. But the whole thing is stupid anyway.

  138. Austria
    February 13th, 2012 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#132): I’d read it.

  139. Baka Gaijin
    February 13th, 2012 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#26): I wonder if that would work with Mary Worth?

    @Dennis Jimenez (#37) on Snuffy Smith: Ha ha ha! Ew.

    @Marc (#42): Don’t count Butch out yet. He could, after scenting the knockwurst on Gonad’s breath, jump up to get a closer sniff and knock him down.

    @Illustrator Steve (#56): Maybe the worms can catch a ride on a Canadian goose…

    @Esther Blodgett (#71): Of course we use our formal English and correct our own grammar. Have you seen what the Didactic Duo do to offenders? It’s not pretty. It involves pencil skirts and red pencils…

  140. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 13th, 2012 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#139):

    It’s not pretty. It involves pencil skirts

    Hmmm. I’m not quite sure how to take that pair of sentences.

  141. Baka Gaijin
    February 13th, 2012 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#76) on Judge Parker: Next time I have to use a lawyer, that question will be part of my interview.

    @Red Greenback (#81): Snuffy Smith was cool? When? 1939?

    @bats :[ (#85): Nola, dear, a salad knife, seafood fork, and iced tea spoon work much better. You won’t get as much biddie-gunk all over your hands.

    @kkarenb (#103): I mentioned this in a yesterthread. The HIPAA Privacy Rule went into effect in 2003. Apartment 3-G could certainly be taking place well before then so these disclosures aren’t yet protected.

    @Government Cheese (#107): Yeah, I didn’t really need to think of Gunther’s ass so close to bedtime. Thanks a lot.

  142. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 13th, 2012 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    SSmith: Well ladies, you are wearing outfits that would have been considered conservative in the high Victorian era. Not that I’d change a thing.

    A3G: “There’s nothing stronger than the bond between a mother and child,” says the woman whose roommates were both raised by cold strangers.

    6C: Congratulations to Isabella Bannerman for both a funny joke and a much more likeable version of Gunther.

    Phantom: He’s not so much el Guerrero Latino as el Perverto Blanco but he’ll do in a pinch.

    GT: I’m still not convinced that Ransom Hale is doing anything worse than exploiting a dumb kid that was going to get rolled anyway, but Kaz’s eagerness to commit arson promises good times ahead.

    FW: “Oh crap!” the reporter thinks. “This is like talking to that doddering bus driver all over again.”

    H-Cliff: For some reason the fishmongers don’t want Heathcliff and his girlfriend fucking in their store. Puritans.

    BB: Wind and gravity are doing their part to screw with Sarge, too.

    Archie: I’m glad to see that Jughead notices how much sense Archie’s punchline doesn’t make, so that I don’t have to point it out.

    DtM: All right! Menace achieved!

    HtH: “Let’s find out once and for all, gentlemen. Will we get the best results if we take a giant ramrod and pound repeatedly on the castle door? Or are we better off bringing a smaller ramrod and licking the door for a few minutes?”

  143. Dale
    February 13th, 2012 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#123):

    I wondered whether the questioner was thinking about studded snow tires.

  144. Baka Gaijin
    February 13th, 2012 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#140): “It’s not pretty” refers to the actions, not the actioner. Making the guilty wear a pencil skirt and write multiple times of their malfeasance against the English language with the red pencil. Palmer method. No erasures. For those who are built more like a Plugger than Fritzi Ritz, just the skirt is punishment enough.

    If it’s malfeasance against science or math, slide rules and computations of Barney Googlean proportions are the penance.

  145. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 13th, 2012 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    @kkarenb (#103):

    Re the Grammys: I am quoting this from memory and did not look it up, but when the Beatles were notified that they won a Grammy, John Lennon asked whose Grandma they had won.

    That certainly sounds like a John-ism.

  146. Baka Gaijin
    February 13th, 2012 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    @Government Cheese (#119): Wormcock’s superpower is causing paralyzing paroxysms of laughter. Once the villain is rolling around on the ground guffawing and peeing his pants, Wormcock can cold-cock him with his mighty tail-cock.

    @Shrug (#131): Thanks. I didn’t need to think of “clown style” so close to bedtime. Thanks. A. Lot. DAMN! Pass the jelly server and old Cool Whip bowl; my temporal lobe is coming out.

  147. Chyron HR
    February 13th, 2012 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    FW – Ha ha, it’s funny because Bull has brain damage.

  148. Bootsy
    February 13th, 2012 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#141):

    Parts of HIPAA were enacted in 1996, and their is no “Privacy” in it. The P stands for portability. All that crap pharmacies and doctors’ offices went through (not calling patients’ names etc) were because they misunderstood it. The accountability part deals mostly with electronic data storage and electronic transmission of information, usually between providers and insurance companies.

    Hey! Where’s Andy?

  149. Gringo
    February 13th, 2012 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    Calvin & Hobbes: Considering that this particular strip probably ran 25 years ago or so, Watterson was eerily prescient about the direction that parenting/teaching was to take in the coming decades …

    Snuffy: I’m assuming that this marks the first appearance of TV in Hootin Holler. Still, wouldn’t a Hee-Haw rerun be more in line with the local viewing tastes than a blatant advertisement for current major-label acts?

  150. Gringo
    February 13th, 2012 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    Cow & Boy: “Landocowrissian.” Good one.

  151. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    February 13th, 2012 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#131): Or as the MST3K team said while watching the short “Here Comes the Circus,” — “ehhhwww, they’re doing it ‘clown style’!”
    “It’s the Ku Klux Klowns!”

  152. Baka Gaijin
    February 13th, 2012 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    That Nola is wonderful. If, as Mary serves her world-famous Jello Peacharoon, Nola blurts out that she’s lobbed a Molotov Cocktail into the International Clown Institute on “Hairspray Day” and caused Mary to drop the jiggly dessert onto the floor as the myocardial infarc begins, I’d propose marriage. On second thought, maybe I should propose a three-way involving a lower primate in the Fifth Avenue Apple store on the iPad 3 release morning. The glass box Apple Store. Because Nola’s a freak and wants everyone to know.

  153. Gringo
    February 13th, 2012 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    Juggs Parker: Too few juggs, too much Parker. There, I’ve identified the problem of what’s been troubling this strip the past couple of weeks.
    Now, if Monique would just let the hijab fall to the floor, we’d have a solution.

  154. Rixternalities
    February 13th, 2012 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#42): Cranky- Yes because all little burbs need 8 person panels and have hundreds of applicants every year for their sports hall of fames.
    Centerville, OH, population ~22,000. Median resident age ~43. Assuming your candidate pool for hall of famers is drawn from a subpopulation older than the median age (let’s assume half of those over the median age, about 5,000) and of those, outstanding professional athletes in all sports would be no more than 1%, that comes to 50. Of those, let’s say only 10% would be nominated in any one year (some may have been nominated and inducted in previous years), which comes to 5 nominees. And Crankshaft is one of them.
    Of course, what’s more important to realize about this analysis is that my OCD is acting up again. I’ll go take my meds now.

  155. UncleJeff
    February 13th, 2012 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#93): The nomenclature of our city planning department for a new housing tract is “Planned Unit Development” or PUD.
    I smile when there’s a city council agenda note about “a proposed PUD erection”.
    I think our city planner does it on purpose.

  156. Liam
    February 13th, 2012 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    MT-Feeding a hungry dog !?! Is there no limit to the depravity of these two bank robbers?

  157. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    February 13th, 2012 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    @UncleJeff (#154):

    A few years back, the Environmental Defense Fund decided that the “Fund” part was too tacky, bringing filthy lucre into a discussion of the Environment, and that they should drop it from their name and then use a catchy acronym for the rest.

    Apparently, millions were spent on the campaign, with new marketing materials ready to go, before someone pointed out that “E.D.” was already taken and was not the best way to arouse people to stand up and firmly resolve to undetake prophylactic action.

  158. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 13th, 2012 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#155): The next thing you know these scum will be tending to a bird with a sprained wing.

  159. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    February 13th, 2012 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    @Rixternalities (#153):

    Recent studies have shown that the ability to successfully approximate on the fly is a core skill displayed by successful adults. So – good job!

    Centerville Hall of Fame to Welcome Five Inductees: http://msn.foxsports.com/collegefootball/story/Centerville-Hall-of-Fame-to-welcome-five-inducteesAthletes-from-various-sports-to-receive-special-honor-Friday-night-62322472

  160. Baka Gaijin
    February 13th, 2012 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    @Bootsy (#148): OK, I’ll do a Batiuk© and shove my comment up a decade. Apartment 3-G could definitely be happening before 1996 so Tommie could blab all she wants about Nina’s condition to Margo, though I’m tuning out if she starts talking about hemorrhoids and discharge.

  161. Liam
    February 13th, 2012 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#157):

    Those swine. They will deserve both Fists of Justice and a Foot of Righteousness.

  162. Sequitur
    February 13th, 2012 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#160): I heard those sleezebags were helping little old ladies across the street.

    They would steal their wallets but still…

  163. Rixternalities
    February 13th, 2012 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    GT No tattoos, but Coach Kaz does leave with multiple piercings. Remember to keep that PA really clean.

    MW Hey, this is turning out just like “My Dinner with Andre.”

    A3G Yes, please get the phone, Margo. The ~RING~ ~RING~ is making Tommie’s head wobble.

  164. Rixternalities
    February 13th, 2012 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#158): Yikes! That is too f’ing weird.

  165. Calico
    February 13th, 2012 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    @Rixternalities (#162):
    “André” for some reason, was one of the saddest movies ever for me, and I am still not completely understanding as to why (watched it in Summer 2001, so perhaps that is part of it).
    For now, though, I shall worship The Biddy’s pseudo-existentialist advice and will keep craving salmon squares.

  166. Swordsmith
    February 13th, 2012 at 5:09 pm [Reply]

    @Joshua (#95): Stone Soup. I know, you’re naturally thinking it might be Snuffy Smith. But the thing is, there is no such strip. The strip featuring Snuffy is Barney Google & Snuffy Smith, or BGSS. The mere fact that Barney Google, who’s name appears First in the name, hasn’t appeared in well over 5000 consecutive days, (I’m sure someone around here knows exactly how many) doesn’t mean you get to leave him out of the title.

    Worse, in my local paper, to conserve space, they only use half the name, sort of like you may have been thinking… only they call it just Barney Google.

  167. The Grandstander
    February 13th, 2012 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

    MARY WORTH. Three weeks into this storyline, I can’t figure out why Nola wanted advice from Mary in the first place. All she has been doing is telling Mary about her whoreish lifestyle, a lifestyle with which she seems perfectly content, so why bother with advice from some old biddy like Mary? I’m guessing that she just want to screw with Mary’s mind as revenge for driving Charlie away from Charterstone.

  168. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 13th, 2012 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#144): Well, I’m both relieved and disappointed: relieved, because you weren’t making disparaging comments about the Didactic Duo’s appearance in pencil skirts, and disappointed, because I’d hoped that the red pencils were some form of stabby implement.

  169. Baka Gaijin
    February 13th, 2012 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

    @The Grandstander (#166): I’m guessing that she just want to screw with Mary’s mind as revenge for driving Charlie Aldo away from Charterstone. FTFY.

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#167): Just exactly what would you be stabbing?

  170. Frank Lee Meidere
    February 13th, 2012 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#68): Well, to be honest, so do I.

    @Esther Blodgett (#71): Yes, you’re right. And I know how enjoyable it is to be on a thread where the English language is treated as a means of communication, and not some kind of annoying hindrance. Which is why it’s even more embarrassing when I goof up like that.

  171. Shrug
    February 13th, 2012 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#157):

    Or pasting wings back on flies and legs back on spiders.

  172. Jane
    February 13th, 2012 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

    @KreatureFeatures (#3): Former high school girls of the world feel otherwise.

  173. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 13th, 2012 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#168): Well, the answer to that question depends on the infraction, of course.

    (Meanwhile, Frank Lee Meidere and Esther Blodgett are having a perfectly lovely, civilized conversation about the joys of correctly written English, with no stabby red pencils in sight. Clearly, I ought to pack up, go home, and not go anywhere near student prose tonight.)

  174. Shrug
    February 13th, 2012 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#159):

    “Who’s got a boil on his Semprini, then?”

    http://www.ibras.dk/montypython/episode17.htm#8

  175. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 13th, 2012 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#156): I’ve heard this story about the Environmental Defense Fund almost changing its name to ED before, maybe here. It’s a really good story, so good that I wonder if it might be too good. An urban legend, that is.

    I can’t find anything on the internet about this, one way or another (admittedly after very brief google search). Snopes doesn’t mention it. The Wiki article on EDF seems to suggest that the group was originally known as Environmental Defense when it was first started as an ad hoc group fighting DDT, and added the “Fund” when they incorporated in 1967, but Wiki provides no citation for this. The EDF website provides no help, which wouldn’t surprise anyone, especially if the story were true.

    Where did you run across the story?

  176. Dennis Jimenez
    February 13th, 2012 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    DtM – I was wondering if you could help prepare some metal for refinishing, cuz dad says you can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch….

  177. Baka Gaijin
    February 13th, 2012 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#172): As a repeat infractor, I’m a bit concerned about the penalties.

  178. Formerly the Gringo Kid, Now Apparently Just Another Shoe-Shilling Spammer
    February 13th, 2012 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

    Juggs Parker: Too few juggs, too much Parker. There, I’ve identified the problem that’s been troubling this strip the past couple of weeks.
    Now, if Monique would just let that hijab fall to the floor, we’d have a solution.

    Scary Gary: Someone killed a bear?!

  179. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    February 13th, 2012 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#174):

    I heard it from a current co-worker of mine who was employed there from 1993-99. So, to me, she is an eyewitness, though it is still heresay to you.

    The lesson is that, even if you don’t live in Hootin’ Holler, everything is still relative.

  180. Spyglass
    February 13th, 2012 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

    @Jim Thompson (#30): I assume “rabbi ears” is a typo? Because there’s no way the upstandin’ workin’ folk of Hootin’ Holler would have anything to do with those cloven-hoofed Jews (who, I hear, run the talkin’box innustry).

  181. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 13th, 2012 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

    @Swordsmith (#165): My ears were itching. Closer to 6K days now. 5517 to be exact.

    My newspaper too calls it “Barney Google” except on Sundays, when it gets the full title. This is actually kinda what got me interested in the issue, such as it is. “Who is this Barney Google guy? Why is his name on the strip and yet we never see him?” Kind of like “Garfield without Garfield” only not a joke.

  182. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 13th, 2012 at 6:05 pm [Reply]

    @Joshua (#95): What strip is SS?

    SS=Serge Storms (By the renowned FloriDAH cartoonist Tim Dorsey!)

  183. Mibbitmaker
    February 13th, 2012 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    “Barney Google & Snuffy Smith” is pretty odd to keep as a name, given that Barney hasn’t been relevant since well before his last few appearences in it. But if they insist on making him matter to anything they put in the paper under his name, they could at least obliquely reference him in some way.

    Best way might be doing a theme song for the Snuffy era. Something like this:

    Snu-u-uffy Smith
    With the goo-goo-googly tongue!

  184. gleeb
    February 13th, 2012 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    Henry: No doubt the doctor is being asked what risks stem from oral use of a rectal thermometer.

  185. KreatureFeatures
    February 13th, 2012 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

    @Jane (#171): Thanks for the response. I’m fascinated by the topic. My wife claims her self-esteem can diminish or increase on a day-to-day basis. If someone points out an error in her work, or a stain on her blouse, her self-esteem suffers. A nice compliment raises her self-esteem.

    My son and I don’t understand it – we esteem ourselves the same amount every day, regardless of the good or bad things that are said to us. We are like Popeye: “I yam what I yam.” In honor of Valentine’s Day, I’d like to say that we don’t understand women, but we sure do love them.

    My wife somehow produced a daughter with bullet-proof self-esteem. In high school, my daughter got ostracized by a group of girls and shrugged it off, saying, “I could care less about their friendship or approval.” She’s now doing well in a prestigious college, barreling along, brave and headstrong. She actually has too much self-esteem, if that’s possible. Assuming a finite of self-esteem in one family, could my daughter have siphoned off some of my wife’s reserve?

  186. No One Suspects the Butterfly
    February 13th, 2012 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    MW: Did you really mean it when you said you always get what you want because you don’t let anyone stop you?”

    Nola: Yes. Now let’s discuss your salmon squares recipe.

    MW: But the consequences!

  187. No One Suspects the Butterfly
    February 13th, 2012 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

    ASM- Someone needs to acquaint Thor with the story of the “Scorpion and the Frog”.

  188. GeoGreg
    February 13th, 2012 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

    BGSS (sans BG): There has been discussion about rabbit ears not working after the big digital switchover. Only somewhat true. TV transmissions are still in the same frequency bands as they always were. Thus, the same types of antenna will still work. Although, many stations have moved from the VHF into the UHF bands, so a loop antenna would be better. However, if that antenna is not hooked up to a digital TV, or a digital converter box, you won’t be seeing anything. Given the apparent age of the TV, it’s probably not digital. I suspect the ladies are merely staring at static, projecting their own sexual insecurities into the Rorschach-like patterns dancing before them. Snuffy and the Parson can’t see anything, as they were blinded long-ago by methanol-tinged moonshine. They just like to listen to the women-folk get worked up.

  189. No One Suspects the Butterfly
    February 13th, 2012 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

    FW- Bull appears to have aphasia, a symptom of a brain tumor.

  190. Sgt. Stoned
    February 13th, 2012 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

    GT: Inasmuch as selling tattoos even to teenagers whose parents have recently divorced is not against the law, it sure is a good thing that Milford Ink is selling bootleg copies of “Titanic” (which by this time is probably selling for $2 in the bargain bin at WalMart).

    Snuffy Smif: Snuffy and Tuttle are watching the TV and eating the snacks at the Hootin Holler Old Folks Home since neither of them owns a TV, and free snacks is free snacks.

    MW: I love the perpetual evil sneer on Nola’s face. Nola rocks! Please, please never repent!

  191. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 13th, 2012 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#124): What is it with Batiuk and amputees in general?

    There’s a reason it’s called acroTOMophilia:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acrotomophilia

  192. A Smirch Unheeded
    February 13th, 2012 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

    @GeoGreg (#186): I picked up an old radio at a garage sale the other day with TV bands* on it in addition to the regular AM/FM. I was a little surprised that I could still get TV audio on it. Evidently, only the video signal went digital.

    *TV bands, you know, like the Monkees.

  193. A Smirch Unheeded
    February 13th, 2012 at 7:12 pm [Reply]

    @KreatureFeatures (#183): How can you be sure your self-esteem level remains the same? Sure, you may think your estimability level is the same, but perhaps it varies and you are not aware of it. Or the change over time is so gradual that you don’t notice that its increasing until someone points out to you that you now refer to yourself with the royal “we”. Or your S/E decreases to the point that you suddenly find yourself enjoying Garfield. Like gaining weight: “Wow, these pants fit just fine last summer! Yikes, I’ve become a Plugger!” That would certainly be a cause for low S/E.

    You could wear a mood ring, I guess, but those things are notoriously imprecise, and anyway, mood isn’t the same thing.

  194. commodorejohn
    February 13th, 2012 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#124), @Rocky Stoneaxe (#189): It says a lot that not only is that an actual subculture on the Internet, it’s actually less depressing and sick-making there than it is in Funky Winkerbean.

  195. The Ridger
    February 13th, 2012 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

    9CL: So how come when Gil kissed whatshername on the left corner of her mouth she just stood there? What’s Brooke implying about her, or Gil, or both?

    And has anyone noticed how Siri talks like something out of Mark Trail? “I found this FOR you,” she says.

  196. Swordsmith
    February 13th, 2012 at 7:22 pm [Reply]

    @No One Suspects the Butterfly (#187): I can’t believe I didn’t see that. I guess it was the old sirloined letter, a sign of cancer, Poetrics if you will.

  197. Alfred E. Neuman
    February 13th, 2012 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

    @Spotts1701 (#110) said: “CS: What is it with Batiuk and amputees with pinned-up sleeves? First it was ol’ whats-her-name in Funky, and now this one-off guy who drew the short straw of shilling for Sourpuss Ed.”
    @Marc (#124) said: “@Spotts1701 (#110): What is it with Batiuk and amputees in general? How many people missing arms are there in this one little area of Ohio? I think that miserable puss bag just like drawing people with missing limbs. It’s a fucking fetish with him.”

    Batiuk has received a lot of hostility for his gloom-and-doom view of life. He is apparently trying to make his strips more disarming.

  198. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 13th, 2012 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#177): Heresay or theresay, I still a little dubious about it. Your friend worked at EDF from ’93 to ’99. But Viagra wasn’t approved by the FDA until 1998 – I don’t think that the phrase “erectile dysfunction” or the initialism ED was commonly known before Pfizer started heavily marketing the drug around then, so that wouldn’t have been a problem for EDF. Yes, there’s an overlap, and I could be wrong but… as I say it’s really good story.

  199. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 13th, 2012 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#196): I’m still a little dubious! Put down your red pencils everybody!

  200. Violet
    February 13th, 2012 at 7:33 pm [Reply]

    @BigTed (#100):

    Actually, I believe the estimate errs in the opposite direction. This is Hootin’ Holler, remember, so those ladies are like 35 and they’re great-grandmothers.

  201. KreatureFeatures
    February 13th, 2012 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

    @A Smirch Unheeded (#191): I agree, use of the imperial “we” is probably a good indicator of high self-esteem. Other than that, I have no clue how to evaluate or even define self-esteem. I looked it up and got this: “a proper respect for oneself as a human being.” WTH? I still don’t get it. As you suggest, I need some kind of self-esteem mood ring, so I can get a baseline reading, and then make comparisons. In the meantime, we must return to our job so we don’t get our highly-esteemed asses fired.

  202. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 13th, 2012 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#181): they could at least obliquely reference him in some way.

    Exactly. At a minimum. Like recently when they were celebrating the Gasoline Alley bicentennial or whatever it was, they had a walk-on of old man Wallet to the Hootin’ Holler poker game, with the punch line, “Anyone with the name Wallet is welcome here!” If they can do that with someone from another strip entirely, why can’t they have the strip’s founding character on now and then?

    Just give Barney a walk-on, every couple of years or so, is all I’m asking. Make him earn the top billing.

  203. Señor Tortilla
    February 13th, 2012 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

    I’m hoping Mary Worth will break down and accept Nola’s ways. Like I said before (or not), Mary has no religious habits or upbringing, so there’s really no “right” or “wrong”. She could finally bring joy to Dr. Jeff without the burdens of marriage, to scratch the surface…

  204. Ride dem haunches
    February 13th, 2012 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

    @KreatureFeatures (#199): we must return to our job so we don’t get our highly-esteemed asses fired.

    The Man with Two Asses. Wasn’t that a highly esteemed Steve Martin film?

  205. Ride dem haunches
    February 13th, 2012 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#201): But the consequences!!

  206. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    February 13th, 2012 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

    @KreatureFeatures (#199):

    Self-esteem would presumably be a moving average value based on your interpretation of prior feedback, among other factors. Once you reach a certain age (may we all live to reach A Certain Age!), the value would only change marginally based on a single day’s minor happenings.

    Some people discount the past at a greater rate than others, however, so they would weight their internal self-esteem coefficient more strongly toward recent events.

    For more on the topic, see “The Total Idiot’s Guide to Improved Self-Esteem”, sold in finer Wal-Marts everywhere.

  207. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 13th, 2012 at 8:24 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#204): I thought, wow Mr. Box, great joke. But holy cow! That’s a real book!!!

  208. commodorejohn
    February 13th, 2012 at 8:25 pm [Reply]

  209. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 13th, 2012 at 8:35 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#205): It should be said, that despite their cringe-inducing, self-esteem lowering titles, some of the “Idiot’s Guide” books and their ilk are pretty good. One of my favorite programming books is Paul Hoffman’s Perl for Dummies.

    # I didn’t buy it, honest. It was a gift.

  210. Ride dem haunches
    February 13th, 2012 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#206): Is that my ship for Byzantium?

  211. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    February 13th, 2012 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#205):

    I guess that it was inevitable that someone would come out with that title. I’m impressed that it seems to have been used without irony.

    “Mark J. Warner, Ed.D., is chief of staff of James Madison University in Harrisonburg, VA. He has had an extensive career as a wellness author, a private-industry consultant, a public speaker, and an award-winning teacher.”

    (Chief of Staff? Maybe he runs the janitorial department?)

    ” Don’t just stand there with your head in the sand! The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Enhancing Self-Esteem shows you how to break through negativity, open yourself to risk and change, and move toward a richer and more integrated life.”

    Standing with one’s head in the sand is quite a difficult feat, and nothing to hang your head over!

    R Darlstrom was not impressed, however:

    “Shortly after reading this book, I found myself longing for a warm bath and some razor blades.”

  212. Echo
    February 13th, 2012 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

    Considering that after last night, The Grammys should really be re-named The Adeles, as pretty much everyone predicted, Snuffy Smith is even more out of it than usual. Quoth Adele, “I don’t want to be some skinny-mini with my tits out.”

    I mean, it’s not like I expect Snuffy Smith to be up-to-date, but maybe if newspaper comic strip writers noticed the world around them once in a while? Just occasionally? No?

  213. Liam
    February 13th, 2012 at 8:54 pm [Reply]

    A3G-Nothing stronger than the bond between a mother and child? What about Anthony’s first wife over in “For Better or For Worse”? That woman did not care about her kid one bit. If a car crushed her kid she would let the kid stay crushed.

  214. Rixternalities
    February 13th, 2012 at 8:54 pm [Reply]

    @The Grandstander (#166): MARY WORTH. Three weeks into this storyline, I can’t figure out why Nola wanted advice from Mary in the first place.

    Nola just wants it all. A free meal, good advice, and stuff. She wants stuff. Good stuff.

    Ooo Mary!
    What?
    How about givin’ me some of that good stuff

    Well… Here it ’tis… Here it ’tis… Here it ’tis… Here it ’tis

    Are you lookin’ for it? Are you lookin’ for it? You’ll hear it from me – Good stuff Nola

    Do you want it? Do you know how to get it? That good stuff Nola – Good good stuff

    She’s got sincerity and good advice, and salmon squares deep-fat fried
    So let her good stuff rain down on her, her dang good stuff that’s good advice

    What’s the use of gettin’ if she ain’t sharin’, Mary’s eyes are buggin’ from what she’s sayin’
    She wants all for her possession, so Mary starts her meddlin’ session!

    Are you ready? She’s ready! Are you ready? Uh yeah
    Are you ready for this? She must know! Come on Nola…Say ho!

    Tell her now what her boyfriend knows, tell her twice, meddle her mo’
    Tell her what will be her woes, give advice, meddle that ho

    Good stuff, give ‘er some of that good stuff… Good stuff, give ‘er some of that good stuff
    Good stuff, give ‘er some of that good stuff… Good stuff, give ‘er some of that good stuff

    Charterstone sure ain’t big enough, to hold all of her dang good stuff
    Oh yes, the neighbors say she’s down right nasty, she just says she’s down right

    That good stuff that she’s seekin’, it’s got her peakin’ and now Mary’s freakin’
    Watch her lips she is speakin’, she’s got Mary tskin’ and now Mary’s weak’nin’!

    She’s got sincerity and good advice, so come on now and let that good stuff rain down on her
    She wants the stuff that’s good advice, take her to the place they have the good stuff, yeah

    Tell her now what her boyfriend knows, tell her twice, meddle her mo’
    Tell her what will be her woes, give advice, meddle that ho

    Good stuff, give ‘er some of that good stuff… Good stuff, give ‘er some of that good stuff
    Good stuff, give ‘er some of that good stuff… Good stuff, give ‘er some of that good stuff

    Don’t leave her hangin’, she wants to be bangin’ With her dang good stuff!
    Don’t leave her hangin’, she wants to be bangin’ With her dang good stuff!

    Hey Nola, do you want it? yeah! Hey Nola, you got to have it, yeah!

    Gonna wallow in her meddlin’ hollow… Gonna wallow in her dang good stuff!
    Gonna wallow in her meddlin’ hollow… Gonna wallow in her dang good stuff!

    Hey Nola, do you want it? yeah! Hey Nola, you got to have it, yeah!

    That good good good good good good good stuff!
    That good good good good good good good stuff!

  215. commodorejohn
    February 13th, 2012 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#211): But remember, Therese was Satan incarnate and probably ran a concentration camp on the side, if it would make the readers sympathetic to Anthony. Nina’s just some tertiary A3G character, and anybody that wants to lay any claim to devilhood in that strip is going to have to have words with Margo about it.

  216. Rixternalities
    February 13th, 2012 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#197): Okay, you may be a little Dubois, but you’re no little Dumass.

  217. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 13th, 2012 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#209): R Darlstrom should follow the book’s advice and become a “change hugger”. Chapter 4.

    # I love Amazon’s “look inside” feature. BTW, one of the nation’s best essay mill writers said recently that that’s all he uses for research. Quote, paste documentation, repeat. I can almost see where that might actually get past our plagiarist hunters here.

  218. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 13th, 2012 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

    @Rixternalities (#214): Neither père nor fils? That’s harsh, dude!

  219. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 13th, 2012 at 9:15 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#176): Don’t worry: The Didactic Duo are always fair—and often gentle.

  220. Señor Tortilla
    February 13th, 2012 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#213): The End of FOOB was before my time at CC and I didn’t comprehend how bad it was, but Anthony, to me, always felt a bit emasculated. Almost a wonder to how he was even able to physically reproduce at all.

  221. Écureuil Écumant
    February 13th, 2012 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#133): “@Écureuil Écumant (#9): ‘A gerbil passing a bladder stone.’ Newest spoken word album by Henry Rollins.”

    Right medium, wrong Henry.

    “A poem.
    By Henry Gibson.

    I went and walked one night alone
    Along a country lane.
    I heard a gerbil pass a stone
    … He must have been in pain.”

    (bobs, exits)

  222. Rixternalities
    February 13th, 2012 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

  223. Écureuil Écumant
    February 13th, 2012 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

    MT: Tomorrow, Tommy goes looking for Butch. Not finding him in the meadow, he crouches down and begins to track him by the smell of his ass.

  224. tallyHO
    February 13th, 2012 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

    Three Thoughts on Snuffy Smiff:

    1) If you haven’t then you should try and find some of the old animated cartoons. The few I’ve seen do feature Barney Google, too. And, I swear that the opening for the cartoon will be one of the weirder cartoon openings you’ve ever seen. Do make sure your volume is high enough.

    2) In Today’s Special Snuffy…..Ifn ya look closely, theys awatchin’ Snuff films. Note how the Parson is getting hot under the collar; and, how Snuffy is just a’grinnin’!

    3) As for the absence of Barney Google: sometimes that which is unseen is omnipresent. In this modern age of reality TV and ubiquitous datamining via the internet, I like (or don’t like) to think that Barney GOOGLE is watching over the Possum Patch… or Hootin Holler…or Backward Backwoods…or whatever it is called. Barney isn’t in absentia as much as he’s a’watchin’ over Snuffy’s antics.

    I do believe this to be true. It also might explain why Snuffy is always chuckling with his lollygagging tongue dangling from his toothless mouf. Surely, Snuffy is in on the joke, unlike Loweezie or Hanghead or whatever other characters exist in that hovel.

    For Barney, who is edumacated and quite wealthy, this is a big socio-economic experiment in how a long lasting economic Depression affects the sense of humor of un-edumacated folks.

  225. Ukulele Ike
    February 13th, 2012 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

    @The Ridger (#194): “So how come when Gil kissed whatshername on the left corner of her mouth she just stood there? What’s Brooke implying about her, or Gil, or both?

    Gil is clearly homosexual. And it is up to Seth to teach him the error of his current girl-chasing ways.

  226. Jim in Wisc.
    February 13th, 2012 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

    @Bill the Butcher (#97): I think the first two panels are supposed to be Greg Evans’ half-assed homage to those ridiculous Charles Atlas ads that used to run in comic books back in the 1950s and 1960s.

  227. Gringo
    February 13th, 2012 at 11:08 pm [Reply]

    Hmmm

  228. Gringo
    February 13th, 2012 at 11:08 pm [Reply]

    Juggs Parker: Too few juggs, too much Parker. There, I’ve identified the problem that’s been troubling this strip the past couple of weeks.
    Now, if Monique would just let that hijab fall to the floor, we’d have a solution.

    Scary Gary: Someone killed a bear?!

  229. Baka Gaijin
    February 13th, 2012 at 11:31 pm [Reply]

    @Écureuil Écumant (#220): Sorry. The only thing I remember from “Laugh-In” was Goldie Hawn dancing in a bikini and body paint.

  230. Poteet
    February 13th, 2012 at 11:32 pm [Reply]

    @KreatureFeatures (#200): I think the effects of negative comments on self-esteem are highly variable. I was fairly immune to personal insults from my peers, but when one elementary-school teacher made me stand up in front of the class when I was ten so he could expound for a few sarcastic minutes (it felt like hours) about how I talked too much and wasted everyone’s time, I was traumatized. Another kid might have been able to shrug that off.

  231. kkarenb
    February 13th, 2012 at 11:57 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#141): Re A3G – You’re right. Judging by the nurse’s uniform the other day, I’d guess this is set in 1958. But I still want to see Tommie fired.

  232. Jamus The Bartender
    February 14th, 2012 at 12:40 am [Reply]

    Spider Man: I’m thanking God that SOMEONE showed a cool superhero in action this week, that being Batiuk over in Sunday’s Funky Winkerbean. Yeah, it showed Golden Age Green Arrow and Speedy trapped in the sand of a giant hourglass, but it beats hell out of Spidey dangling off of Thor’s boot, being dragged to Asgard.

    Mary Worth: Aw, knock it off, Mary. She cheated on her boyfriend with another man, she didn’t kill half New York with a genetically cloned alien squid.
    Yeah, I was screening Watchmen earlier.

  233. Jamus The Bartender
    February 14th, 2012 at 12:42 am [Reply]

    @Señor Tortilla (#219): It wasn’t easy. But Elly made him an offer he couldn’t refuse.

  234. Der Schnärkïnätör
    February 14th, 2012 at 12:52 am [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#70):

    Much better than a story about the blind leading the blind.

    Or, the blind leading the stupid…..

  235. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    February 14th, 2012 at 1:02 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#223): I swear that the opening for the cartoon will be one of the weirder cartoon openings you’ve ever seen.
    Ohhh, yeahhhhh.
    (Any excuse to spring this on the unwary again.)

  236. Der Schnärkïnätör
    February 14th, 2012 at 1:23 am [Reply]

    MW – Yep, she’s got it all alright. Including a suspected cheating boyfriend. Who wouldn’t envy that!

  237. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 14th, 2012 at 2:08 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#234): “Ah ah ahh, balls of fire, I’m bodacious”

    Must… saw open… skull… remove… brain worm.

  238. Droopy Says
    February 14th, 2012 at 2:15 am [Reply]

    The Amusing Spiderman: There’s a plan here? Since when? Is Loki going to run to Odin and wail “Daaaddy! Jeffy went down to earf an’ soiled his boots!” and call that a plan?

    Pluggers: Every year the local divorce lawyer hands out those cheap Valentine’s Day coupons, knowing that several Pluggers will fall into his trap.

    Mock Trail: Redeemed by the love of a blind dog, the bank robbers turn themselves in. The Fists of Justice, thwarted once more in their effort to battle evil, lash out in a blind fury and strike Butch, knocking away the cataracts that a skilled veterinary surgeon might have cured long ago.

    Creepy Les: Move closer to the flowers, Les. Maybe Cayla will get a clue when they suddenly wilt.

  239. Maggie the Cat
    February 14th, 2012 at 2:16 am [Reply]

    2/14 A3G- Hahaha…. that was cold.

  240. Johnny Q
    February 14th, 2012 at 2:23 am [Reply]

    I noticed an in-joke in JUDGE PARKER. They just referred to a character called Dal Curtis, who has the same name as the man who created REX MORGAN MD.

  241. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 14th, 2012 at 2:27 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#205):

    I had no idea there were so many “self esteem for dummies” books. This is just the first page of the Amazon.com listing:

    Boosting Self-Esteem For Dummies, UK Edition by Rob Willson and Rhena Branch (Feb 1, 2012)
    Building Self-Confidence for Dummies by Kate Burton (Feb 1, 2012)
    Self Esteem A Family Affair by Jean Illsley Clarke (Sep 25, 1998)
    Coaching With NLP For Dummies by Kate Burton (Jun 15, 2011)
    Personal Development All-in-One (For Dummies) by Gillian Burn (Feb 21, 2012)
    CBT Journal For Dummies by Rob Willson (Mar 20, 2012)
    Numeracy Tests For Dummies by Colin Beveridge (Feb 28, 2012)
    Cognitive Behavioural Therapy For Dummies by Rob Willson and Rhena Branch (Nov 16, 2010)
    Motivation For Dummies by Gillian Burn (Oct 27, 2008)
    Ukulele For Dummies (For Dummies (Lifestyles Paperback)) by Alistair Wood (Aug 23, 2011)
    Relaxation For Dummies (Book + CD) by Shamash Alidina (Jan 11, 2012)

    I wonder how the Ukulele book got in there? And shouldn’t IT have a CD instead of the relaxation book? I just don’t know if should bother… maybe someone will buy me the motivation book… and read it to me.

  242. Nehemiah Scudder
    February 14th, 2012 at 2:34 am [Reply]

    @Johnny Q (#239): Worse than that:

    Nicholas Peter Dallis (December 15, 1911 – July 6, 1991), known as Nick Dallis, was an American psychiatrist turned comic strip writer, creator of the soap opera-style strips Rex Morgan, M.D., Judge Parker and Apartment 3-G. Separating his comics career from his medical practice, he wrote under pseudonyms, Dal Curtis for Rex Morgan, M.D. and Paul Nichols for Judge Parker.

    Wiki

    Dr. Dallis had much to answer for. I wonder which circle Dante would have assigned him to?

  243. Jimbo
    February 14th, 2012 at 3:07 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail

    What?!! That dog’s BLIND?? Blind? Did you say he’s blind???

    Wow! What a plot twist!! What a surprise development!!!!

  244. Mr. O'Malley
    February 14th, 2012 at 4:19 am [Reply]

    Obviously Barney Google has been operating the camera these last … how many days has it been? That explains why he never gets in the shots.

    Ever since they shrunk the comics they haven’t had room for the full title: A Tribute to Walker Evans: Images of Rural Decay, by Barney Google, featuring out-takes from his award-winning National Geographic photo-essay “A Day in the Life of Snuffy Smith”.

  245. John C Fremont
    February 14th, 2012 at 6:36 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#236): A brain worm? Is it from New Zealand? Does it have no natural predators?

    Great balls of fire, I’m bodacious. Or something.

  246. gleeb
    February 14th, 2012 at 7:44 am [Reply]

    ‘shaft: Listen: Tom Batiuk has become unstuck in time. World War II? Even if Ed were a fresh-faced 18-year-old in 1945, he would be 85 his year. Batiuk has made so many time jumps, loops, and other assorted silliness in his comics that he doesn’t know what year it is any more.

    ‘bean: Well, it can’t be Les. He’s the kind of guy who probably signs his shopping lists.

    Gil: What is Coach Kaz’s pleasure? I see him as a Gymkata fan.

    Spidey: Good. There haven’t been enough ridiculous hats yet in this.

  247. A Mindful Webworker
    February 14th, 2012 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    Just rolled down to see how many messages… 245! Didn’t read them all, but had the most amusing thought: Josh has to. Even this one! Mwah-ha-haaah! Uh, I mean…

  248. greghousesgf
    February 14th, 2012 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#131): more, more! I’m a bad clown!

  249. giraffe-o
    February 15th, 2012 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    MT has probably the laziest depiction of a blind character since Little Orphan Annie.

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