Archive: Mark Trail

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Six Chix, 1/20/17

Are you interested in making an Uber joke and a lawyer joke, but aren’t too familiar with terminology pertaining to either? Here are some handy tips:

  • Uber has a service called “Uber Pool” where you pay less but your driver will pick up and drop off other passengers en route. Might be good for a joke where you get more people than you expected!
  • The collective noun for a group of lawyers is a “firm,” not a “horde.” The idea of a horde of lawyers might be funny if that were your main joke and you weren’t trying to wedge it into an entirely unrelated joke about Uber.

I thank you for your time.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 1/20/17

I was about to complain about projecting human body dysmorphic self-loathing onto animals, but then I saw the hearts above that pig’s head in panel two and realized we had much bigger things to worry about here.

Mark Trail, 1/20/17

NOOOO, MARK DON’T READ THE COMMENTS

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Mary Worth, 1/17/17

Ha ha ha oh my God Dawn and Harlan are making a very strong bid to reclaim the crown of #1 Age-Mismatched Pair In Mary Worth Who Are Probably Having Sex! You of course remember Harlan as Dawn’s substitute Art History professor who fed her some line about the mind and the body and then invited her to a private, one-on-one yoga session at his apartment and then took her to look at erotic art and then Dawn assured Wilbur he wasn’t taking advantage of her but Dawn’s friends cruelly bullied her so Dawn agreed to see a movie with them and so now they leave her alone about it. Anyway, since then their relationship has clearly advanced well into “let’s wear entirely insane clothes in public together, dance sweatily, and drink” territory! The neck jewelry alone here puts panel one into the Mary Worth Panel Hall Of Fame in my opinion, though Harlan’s is riding so low it’s more like shoulder jewelry (is that … like, a chain you’d put on snow tires?). Do you think Dawn consciously chose to wear suspenders/overalls (can’t tell from this angle, but either option is hilarious) to mirror the awesome stripes on Harlan’s shirt, or are the two of them just that aesthetically in sync?

The real excitement here will come when these two twosomes encounter each other, since Dawn is of course the daughter of the man whose relationship with Iris is currently “on a break.” I imagine the two women’s eyes locking across the room, and both of them wordlessly assuring each other that what happens at Disco Night at Santa Royale’s second-most popular all-ages club while Wilbur is in Antarctica stays at Disco Night at Santa Royale’s second-most popular all-ages club while Wilbur is in Antarctica.

Mark Trail, 1/17/17

Oh good, it looks like Mark’s going to spend the week after the end of the volcano storyline explaining away all of said storyline’s logical inconsistencies! Tomorrow we’ll tackle “volcanic atolls are inevitably extinct,” Thursday will be for “the active front of the volcanic Hawaiian range is southeast of the Big Island, hundreds of miles from Kauai,” Friday we can do “what was the deal with that temple, anyway,” and then we can spend the weekend discussing Woods & Wildlife Magazine’s revenue model.

Judge Parker, 1/17/17

Oh, right, this whole thing started when Sophie tried to seduce Derek by taking guitar lessons from him, didn’t it? Anyway, this Judge Parker storyline should be a lesson to teens everywhere: your so-called “rock star” heroes make playing the guitar look cool, but in fact learning to play will inevitably lead to your mysterious kidnapping. Stay in school, kids!

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Curtis, 1/10/17

Oh, look, it’s our favorite team of bullies, Derrick and “Onion”! Wait, what? When did “Onion” lose his quote marks? Did he finally get his name legally changed to Onion? Has that reaffirmed his sense of self-worth and caused a corresponding slip in his bullying game, resulting in the team’s extremely half-assed transition from “did you have a good weekend” to “your mom is fat and has a nickname like a noise a cow makes, even though you would never actually call a cow that?” These guys might as well turn to cyber-bullying because their IRL bullying is not worth the effort anymore!

Funky Winkerbean, 1/10/17

There’s no way around this: I’m about to combine two different kinds of terrible people you can be, namely “Oooh, I’ve lived in a glamorous city for a couple years and now I’m a big expert” and “Oooh, I’ve spotted a continuity error in a comic strip,” but: there haven’t been any Brown Derby Restaurants open in LA in years, guys. The last surviving example of the distinctive domed building has long been incorporated into a Koreatown strip mall; some other company long ago bought the rights to the brand name and operates several Brown Derbies in Northeastern Ohio (NATCH), but those locations are just in generic suburban structures, so that’s not where they are either. Because I choose not to view this as an outright error, though, I’m going to suggest that Cliff and his girlfriend have finally gone fully senile, and that this is their romantic delusion as they actually stumble into a grubby KFC somewhere in East Hollywood.

Mark Trail, 1/10/17

Damn it Mark, Woods & Wildlife Magazine is the only serious publication left dedicated to longform reporting on environmental issues, now that Rupert Murdoch owns National Geographic! I will not have you shifting its editorial focus to all those times you almost got blown up, just to grab fleeting web traffic!

Marvin, 1/10/17

I guess today’s Marvin punchline is a play on words about this? I hate to say this, but maybe the strip should stick to poop jokes.

Mary Worth, 1/10/17

Reminder: Even in a Mary Worth plot that’s about a hot sex affair between an older woman and a hip young person, the way that hip young person is going to talk about sex will be more awkward than you can possibly imagine.