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Metapost: Enjoy your COTW, won’t you?


“That Archie is such a ‘card’! I want to ‘club’ him, have him ‘spade’, then pull out his still-beating ‘heart’ and show it to him.” –Ed Dravecky

And enjoy your extremely funny runners up!

“So when Lois suggested they eat away from the TV, Hi said, ‘You’ll have to pry this remote from my cold dead hand.’ One butcher knife later, the hand is cold and dead, but still clutching the remote in the living room, while Hi sits in stunned silence at the dinner table, glassy-eyed from acute blood loss.” –Nekrotzar

“Lacking wood or oil to warm their house, Snuffy and Loweezy warm themselves with a vigorous and cheerful rendition of the Macarena.” –Perky Bird

“It’s like the Godfather, if being literate had been Fredo’s betrayal.” –Doctor Handsome

“Are we sure those lines aren’t Mary’s spider-sense tingling? And by ‘spider-sense tingling,’ I mean, ‘Look out! Here come more inane, mind-numbing dialogue rather than any remotely resembling action.’” –R in CT

“Man, Flutesnoot is straight up original gangster. If I had to guess which Riverdale High teacher was cooking meth in a garage, I’d — well, I’d guess all of them. But if I had to guess which one breaks junkies’ legs when they don’t pay up? Flutesnoot.” –bunivasal

‘Where’d all these cats come from?’ ‘Well, as near as historians can tell, they were first domesticated in Egypt in … AAAAAGGGHHHH!!!!!’” –Pozzo

You’re six months pregnant with your first baby — at this point in your life everything is meaningful! You should try talking about your baby in every damn sentence at every damn opportunity. It isn’t tedious at all.” –Chareth Cutestory

I must thanks to all who put some cash into my tip jar! And we must give thanks to our advertisers:

  • Meg Rosoff: There Is No Dog: What if God were a teenaged boy. “Rosoff’s writing and sense of humor are a force of nature.” -PW “Irreverent and funny…earns its place among the sharpest-witted tours de force of recent memory.” -KIRKUS

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29 responses to “Metapost: Enjoy your COTW, won’t you?”

  1. Chareth Cutestory
    March 2nd, 2012 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

    I’d award Ed Dravecky’s comment a full “diamond” rating! (Was that too cheesy? I felt cheesy writing it.)

  2. This Guy
    March 2nd, 2012 at 10:32 pm [Reply]

    So these are our comments of the week. Thank you, won’t you?

    What do you think, sirs?

  3. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    March 2nd, 2012 at 10:49 pm [Reply]

    Congrats, float-folk! Enjoy your trip in the jet—and throw chocola—((qlonq!) Ow!

    (As god is my witness, I thought Kit-Kats could fly!)

  4. Artist formerly known as Ben
    March 2nd, 2012 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

    Muchos kudos to the float riders. I’m giggling right now.

    PBird, I hadn’t thought of the macarena in the Smif cartoon, and now I can’t stop thinking about it.

  5. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    March 3rd, 2012 at 12:04 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#y216): “During the Depression, I had to sell apples out of a pushcart.”
    She didn’t have to. She had enough money. She was selling apples so she could get in close and meddle people more easily. Hell, they probably weren’t even apples, but medlars.

    Oh, and congrats. Float. Candy. Waitress.

  6. Uncle Lumpy
    March 3rd, 2012 at 12:13 am [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#5):

    “Float, the Candy Waitress
    Lived by the Sea
    And tempted all the sailors’ tongues
    With her sparkling repartee …”

  7. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    March 3rd, 2012 at 12:47 am [Reply]

    “If all the seas and world were young,
    And truth on every sailor’s tongue,
    Then sure I’d be, an I were able,
    To wait on thee and bus thy table.”

    [from "The Passionate Waitress's Rejoinder"]

  8. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    March 3rd, 2012 at 12:49 am [Reply]

    Say, now I’m thinking I never actually posted these. Big loss. COTW winners, every one:

    9 – Oh, Edda! You probably got whatever’s going around in Batiuk’s strips. See your oncologist.

    Close – Stealing from the New Yorker Caption Contest again. So. It has come to this.

    Smirky – Today’s hidden geography allusion is to the Never Summer Range in northern Colorado.

    love is… …when even his letters have a raging heart on.

    Marfield – Kind of late in the week to be starting one of these labor-saving devices, isn’t it?

  9. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    March 3rd, 2012 at 12:50 am [Reply]

    …Or maybe I did. But I don’t think so. It’s probably like reading Crankshaft: Five minutes later, you can’t be sure you really looked at it after all!

  10. Baka Gaijin
    March 3rd, 2012 at 1:07 am [Reply]

    Congratulations to the floaters but I have to ask: who’s throwing the saucers of milk?

  11. Ed Dravecky
    March 3rd, 2012 at 1:31 am [Reply]

    Wow. It’s Texas Independence Day so kolaches and pralines for everybody!

  12. Droopy Says
    March 3rd, 2012 at 2:13 am [Reply]

    The Amusing Spiderman: “Love what you’ve done with the place!” Spiderman thinks. “No more of that gloomy Norse ambiance!

    Creepy Les: Just to be clear, was Coach Bullshit awake and paying attention when he was told that Summer was barfing? Because he shouldn’t let her onto the court. Contagious or not, you’ve got a player who’s been sick. Put her through the stress of a championship game and she might–oh. Not exactly well-played, Batiuk.

    Mock Trail: “I’m going to kill you, Trail!” “Shut up, Tommy, you scumbag–” Oops. Sorry, I thought I’d wandered into a Dick Locher strip.

    Pluggers: I thought Pluggers really did write some of the stuff on TV.

  13. ElkMeadow
    March 3rd, 2012 at 3:00 am [Reply]

    Congrats, floaters!

    RMMD Dang! Foster left Rex his fishing gear too! Rex could open his own fishing shack with all the crap he has given to him.

    And Dex still hasn’t been invited out on the boat or anything.

  14. Frank Lee Meidere
    March 3rd, 2012 at 3:10 am [Reply]

    9CL: No! No! No! You do not get to use “Grok” in your pretentious comic strip, McEldowney! And you certainly don’t get to use it as a sound effect of someone getting sick!

    If there is a God, your personal hell will be an eternity spent in a room with pictures of dogs playing poker on the wall while a crowd of drunken sports fans endlessly sing the Hockey Night in Canada theme. (Interestingly, this will actually be the drunken sports fans’ heaven.)

    Oh, wait. That’s not “Grok,” that’s “Grrk.”

    Okay. So I’ll take a couple of pictures off the wall. The rest you deserve on general principles.

  15. Comcis Fan
    March 3rd, 2012 at 4:04 am [Reply]

    @Ed Dravecky (#11):

    Pralines from Stuckey’s?

  16. Anonymous
    March 3rd, 2012 at 4:06 am [Reply]

    I got my Darkgate thingie back! I had to rechoose the strips for my page, though. Other than bringing back Spidey (for the snark), I kept it the same. The new day’s Sherman’s Lagoon is making me wish I hadn’t exactly.

    SL proves one thing: 9CL could’ve been alot worse!

  17. Mibbitmaker
    March 3rd, 2012 at 4:08 am [Reply]

    #16 above was me.

  18. Baka Gaijin
    March 3rd, 2012 at 5:14 am [Reply]

    Today’s Most Pitiable Foreplay Olympics

    Today’s Beetle Bailey is the lamest and most pathetic foreplay ever. Buckles is giving Beetle Bailey a run for its money as the most pathetic foreplay ever. Today’s Luann wins the gold in the Pitiable Foreplay Olympics.

    Wait a minute, in a late entry Pluggers is going for the silver.

  19. Baka Gaijin
    March 3rd, 2012 at 5:38 am [Reply]

    I just want to give thanks to the new Dick Tracy team for today’s action sequence. Bowling a mole into the fuzz like a game of 5-pin. Just thanks.

    Exactly who are those nail clippers in Drabble supposed to belong to? Yesterday’s Nina?

    After giving Blondie a second look, maybe it should be in today’s Pathetic Foreplay Olympics games. It would win the gold in the Creepy category.

  20. Doctor Handsome
    March 3rd, 2012 at 5:51 am [Reply]

    Funny stuff all around as always. Cheers, fuckers.

  21. Baka Gaijin
    March 3rd, 2012 at 5:51 am [Reply]

    What’s wrong with Snuffy Smif? In the last panel his tongue barely lolls out of his mouth. Exposure to goo-goo-googly eyes. Must have been.

    I must be getting soft in the brain. I thought Garfield was slightly amusing.

  22. Ed Dravecky
    March 3rd, 2012 at 6:00 am [Reply]

    @Comcis Fan (#15): No, chewy pecan pralines from the original El Fenix in downtown Dallas. (Only the best for my fellow Mudgeons.)

  23. Mr. O'Malley
    March 3rd, 2012 at 6:16 am [Reply]

    Elderberries is about to shut down. I had gotten to rather like it, but I respect an artist who shuts down a strip on his own terms rather than let it drag on into irrelevance. Thanks, Corey Pandolph.

  24. Baka Gaijin
    March 3rd, 2012 at 7:37 am [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#23): I’m a bit sad over The Elderberries but Corey seems to have wound it down nicely.

  25. Liam
    March 3rd, 2012 at 8:16 am [Reply]

    Archie-Besides kid, Archie is sitting next to Betty and you don’t want what’s at the bottom of the popcorn bucket.

    A3G-”Hey look, we mentioned ‘Netflix’ in an attempt to show you that we are contemporary and not just a hopelessly outdated comic with it’s mindset stuck in the Sixties.”

    Curtis-That’s a smart move Curtis. If Gunk told he would have to kill you with an army of animals.

    FC-That’s juice!?! What is he drinking motor oil?

    Crankshaft-Good. Everything is going as I’ve foreseen.

  26. Liam
    March 3rd, 2012 at 8:26 am [Reply]

    Luann-Three is a crowd when it is two guys and a girl. When it is two girls and a guy then it is a lot of fun.

  27. Baka Gaijin
    March 3rd, 2012 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    New thread, over there.

  28. Jocelyn Knockersbury
    March 3rd, 2012 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    Congrats all!

  29. Edwin Herdman
    March 4th, 2012 at 8:10 am [Reply]

    That Curtis strip would have been a perfect setup to reference Cute but Deadly. Cats are dangerous even without the chance of suffering their tiny, myriad sharp claws.

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