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Take this non-Jungle Patrol job and shove it

Phantom, 1/23/08

This Phantom storyline may be turn out to be as dumb as the last one, but it’s really stepping it up in the hilarious quotables department. For those somehow still not satisfied with “That’s the answer! Jungle Patrol!” and “Whoa, girls! Let me tell you a little something about the Jungle Patrol!” we now have the awesome “Who’s tougher than lady cops and waitresses? Not pirates!” And, if you insist on your catchphrase including the words “Jungle Patrol,” you can always console yourself with “I quit! We’re joining the Jungle Patrol!

I’ve always been wary of jobs that might require you to wear a nametag, but panel three shows that they definitely have one distinct advantage: you can hurl the nametag at your boss when you quit to join the Jungle Patrol.

Momma, 1/23/08

Uh, I hesitate to say this, because it shows that I’ve been thinking about it, and it’ll make you think about it too, but … well …

Does anyone else think that Momma has been even more disturbingly and openly Oedipal than usual lately? Just askin’.

(Please note that “it” in my first sentence refers not to the unhealthy relationship between Momma and her sons, but to Momma the comic strip as a whole.)

They’ll Do It Every Time, 1/23/08

Today’s TDIET comes from faithful reader pogoer, who no doubt looks good with that tiny, tiny white kangol hat on his enormous beefy head. My question about Grandma is, what exactly is she going to do with ten pounds of litter, five pounds of sugar, and lots of canned food? Is her Campbell’s Chicken Soup not sweet and/or gritty enough? I think it’s time to put her in a home.

Comics-unrelated promotion: Hey, want to read a possibly funny thing I wrote about Internet history? Check it out at ITworld.com.

269 responses to “Take this non-Jungle Patrol job and shove it”

  1. wooddragon
    January 23rd, 2008 at 10:19 pm [Reply]

  2. Uncle Lumpy
    January 23rd, 2008 at 10:21 pm [Reply]

    Phantom — Yipes! That guy’s fist is as big as his head! That’s it — I’m outta here to join the Jungle Patrol!

  3. Deena in OR
    January 23rd, 2008 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

    Nametag job = automatic Plugger membership :)

  4. Pendragon
    January 23rd, 2008 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

    If you see Kay, tell her that she’s fired.

  5. Uncle Lumpy of the Jungle Patrol
    January 23rd, 2008 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

    Hey! It feels so good! Everybody should join!

  6. Inspector Dim
    January 23rd, 2008 at 10:24 pm [Reply]

    What makes the whole Oedipal thing in Momma even weirder is that she’s about knee height on him. That would make things a little awkward. She’d have to use a step stool.

    You read it. You can’t UN READ it!

  7. Big Sims
    January 23rd, 2008 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

    Has anyone been tracking the TDIET submissions from CC’ers? I wonder who got the now celebrated Feb 2 spot? The tracking and the graphing of submissions sounds like a job for TurtleBoy! (Big silhouette of a turtle across the moon) TurtleBoy – where are you?

  8. Eats Shoots And Leaves For The Jungle Patrol
    January 23rd, 2008 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

    I ate at the cafeteria.
    I shot my mouth off.
    I’m joining the Jungle Patrol.

  9. Kumquat
    January 23rd, 2008 at 10:28 pm [Reply]

    Has Momma ever not been Oedipal? This is a serious question; I know the strip only from its appearances in this site. Do veteran readers recall a time when Momma did not appear to believe that her presence ought to satisfy her son’s need for female companionship?

  10. Shmork
    January 23rd, 2008 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

    It would be great if “Jungle Patrol” really just mean, say, sex in improper/unnatural positions. “Screw you — I’m joining Jungle Patrol! Boom-chicka-wow-wow!”

  11. commodorejohn
    January 23rd, 2008 at 10:32 pm [Reply]

    Any more “Jungle Patrol!” lines, and someone’s gonna have to do like…I dunno, a “Shaft” send-up. Who’s tougher than lady cops and waitresses? Not pirates? That Jungle Patrol! is one smooth mother- Watch your mouth! …I’m just talking about Jungle Patrol! Then we can dig it!

  12. Big Sims
    January 23rd, 2008 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

    #3 Denna in OR
    Proud member of the USCG. Nametags and everything. It’s hard to throw my nametag at my boss, ’cause its sewn on.
    The other morning my ‘center piece’ did contain both salt and pepper, and a load of pill bottles, but I’m trying to shake a cold I swear, it’s not an everyday thing.
    Oh God, I am a Plugger aren’t I?

  13. Bobdog
    January 23rd, 2008 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

    Phantom: I repeat, this reads better if you assume it’s a musical.

  14. Luban
    January 23rd, 2008 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

    Momma: Methinks Mell Lazarus has been catching up on his Arrested Development DVDs. I’m definitely picking up a Buster-Lucille vibe.

  15. Trekkie
    January 23rd, 2008 at 10:36 pm [Reply]

    @11

    I was thinking it sounded like something The Rock would have said before he decided to undergo Disneyfication.

    “Can you SMELL…what the JUNGLE PATROL is cookin’!”

    “Yeah, the JUNGLE PATROL is going to lay the smack-down on your candy ass!”

  16. AhClem at the Jungle Patrol
    January 23rd, 2008 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

    I’m here at the Jungle Patrol! and I brought April Patterson with me. Who deserves it more?

  17. Eats Shoots And Leaves
    January 23rd, 2008 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail: What kind of boat is that? From the front it looks like a birch bark canoey sort of affair, but it has a square stern with an outboard. Does that configuration exist in the real world? I ask because I’m too lazy to look it up, which is pretty lazy since I’m sitting at a computer connected to the Internet with the world at my fingertips. This sounds like a job for Spiderman.

  18. Shmork
    January 23rd, 2008 at 10:41 pm [Reply]

    You might be a plugger if you joined Jungle Patrol.

  19. Rita Lake and the Special Goddesses
    January 23rd, 2008 at 10:41 pm [Reply]

    Has anyone seen Dykes to Watch out for this week? Finger-quotin’ Stewart could give Margo a few lessons in how to be terrifying. I’d love to see a finger-quotin’ face-off between the two of them. Stewart seems to have the advantage, as he looks about ready to drag someone’s soul off to the Netherworld, but I wouldn’t underestimate Margo–she’ll find out that he’s just a non-violent pacifist vegetarian and tear right in.

  20. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    January 23rd, 2008 at 10:41 pm [Reply]

    It’s not just you, Josh. Momma is even more Oedipal than usual lately.

  21. Big Sims
    January 23rd, 2008 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

    All right, I quit, I’m joining the Jungle Patrol!
    Struggles with nametag
    Hey – anyone got a pair of scissors?

  22. Hooray For Socks!
    January 23rd, 2008 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

    Hey, is it possible I actually ended a thread in my first week of commenting?? Woo-hoo! (I have no idea why I should be happy about this, but I am)

  23. Kumquat
    January 23rd, 2008 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

    9CL – Amos is about to learn that just because you’ve spent a lot of time watching others do something, that doesn’t mean you’re good at doing it yourself. Odds are he won’t remember this lesson when he and Edda finally do the deed and he offers to demonstrate all the interesting techniques he’s learned from watching adult videos.

    Popeye – Does no-one in Popeye’s family have a job? And what kind of son gives his elderly mother the same meager allowance he gives an infant, anyway?

    Phantom – I love how the Phantom’s wife is all surprised by the fact that her tales of the Jungle Patrol’s romantic and adventurous history have totally failed to discourage her friends from joining it.

  24. Rita Lake and the Special Goddesses
    January 23rd, 2008 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

  25. FSogol
    January 23rd, 2008 at 10:53 pm [Reply]

    I dunno, “I quit! Let’s join the Jungle Patrol” seems to be the Phantom equivalent of Mickey Rooney saying, “Let’s Put on a Show!” Maybe its my dislike of show tunes, but I never really envisioned The Phantom as a musical.

  26. Derelict
    January 23rd, 2008 at 10:54 pm [Reply]

    MW: I notice Vera looks particularly despondent today. Maybe she’s realized that Drewpy is just like she remembers him: Repulsive.

  27. Rusty
    January 23rd, 2008 at 10:58 pm [Reply]

    Momma would only work in an Oedipal sense if Francis had some unnatural attraction to his mother. I only sense that he is attracted to sleeping late, drinking beer, and shaving every third day.

  28. Ukulele Ike of the Jungle Patrol
    January 23rd, 2008 at 11:00 pm [Reply]

    Missus Phantom is just upset ’cause she doesn’t want a lot of hot young rookie Jungle Patrol chicks hitting on her man.

    Jungle Patrol. Join for the Adventure; Stay for the Girls.

  29. yellojkt
    January 23rd, 2008 at 11:01 pm [Reply]

    Momma is waist high and her head is flat. Makes her the perfect woman in my book.

    That was painful just to time. Excuse my while I clean the vomit out of my key board.

  30. yellojkt
    January 23rd, 2008 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

    The Jungle Patrol version of Charlie’s Angels are all going to sign into Facebook and become Zombies so they can fight Pirates. And then toss sheep at each other.

  31. One Bad MotherHubbard
    January 23rd, 2008 at 11:04 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft: Show of hands – will it be the inevitable explosion that kills Ed, or will the onrushing surge of electricity fry him to a blackened crisp first? Either way, I’m looking forward to ensuing fireball that will surely mark the end of the strip.

  32. mnemonica
    January 23rd, 2008 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

    I am SO joining the Jungle Patrol! I’d even buy the T-shirt if I could find it.

  33. kodijack
    January 23rd, 2008 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

    I am a tad pissed that Judge Parker moved on so quick. More brownies, more planes, more Aunt Bee types trying to get sexually repressed gorgeous white women hammered, we don’t need no stinking awesome lawyers, bugger that.

  34. Eats Shoots And Leaves
    January 23rd, 2008 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

    In the Jungle,
    the mighty jungle,
    lady cops patrol tonight.
    Wannabees in
    the quiet jungle,
    waitresses patrol tonight.

    Near the village,
    the peaceful village,
    badges are torn off tonight.
    Near the village,
    the quiet village,
    a job is quit tonight.

    Hush my darling,
    don’t fear my darling,
    Pirates don’t patrol tonight.
    Hush my darling,
    don’t fear my darling,
    lady cops patrol tonight.

  35. Hooray For Socks!
    January 23rd, 2008 at 11:08 pm [Reply]

    And I am SO going to use that line when I quit my job! Am I leaving for something bigger and better? Absolutely! I’m joining the Jungle Patrol!!

    Momma’s cartoon really sickens me…

  36. Yahtzee
    January 23rd, 2008 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

    If for some reason, someday, I am the subject of a biography (unlikely), and that biography is called Tales of the Jungle Patrol, I will have led a deeply fulfilled life.

  37. Ukulele Ike of the Jungle Patrol
    January 23rd, 2008 at 11:13 pm [Reply]

    35: Well, everyone likes gettin’ a little tale.

  38. Jam Daddy
    January 23rd, 2008 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

    Is there actually a region in this country where shopping carts are colloquially referred to as “wagons? I say this only because I have worked at a supermarket for a year and a half, bagged for several thousand customers visiting from all over the country, and have never once heard the term “wagon” used to describe a cart. Am I the only one?

  39. Lord-z
    January 23rd, 2008 at 11:24 pm [Reply]

    And how does one apply for membership of this Jungle Patrol. Does one just go into there offices and say “I want to join the JUNGLE PATROL, or is there a big thing that you have to do first, like, work ten years as a waitress in a coffeeshop. Otherwise, I want in on that action.

    Or maybe jungle patrol is actually boring, and I was just distracted by the gratuitous mention of pirates.

  40. One Bad MotherHubbard
    January 23rd, 2008 at 11:27 pm [Reply]

    Todays Diagnoses:

    FOOB: Grandpa Jim suffers from depression.

    Snuffy Smith: Granpaw has acrophobia.

    Archie: Archie has dyscalculia.

    Baldo: Baldo has the epilepsy.

    Beetle Baily: Miss Buxley has terrible, terrible B.O.

    Luann: Brad has a headache brought on by barely repressed homosexual desires.

    Rose is Rose: Pasquale and Rose are about to contract rabies.

    Hi and Lois: Okay, Trixie’s just retarded.

  41. Big Sims
    January 23rd, 2008 at 11:28 pm [Reply]

    #39 Lord-z
    I don’t know much, but first you gotta quit your job.

  42. Derelict
    January 23rd, 2008 at 11:28 pm [Reply]

    I don’t follow the Ghost Who Deals In Sterotypes, so I have no idea where this action is supposed to be taking place. New York? Nairobi? Kenosha?

  43. dyslexic dog
    January 23rd, 2008 at 11:29 pm [Reply]

    DtM:
    Uh, hi everyone.

    I just wanted to mention that the space alien peeking out of Mr. Wilson’s ass disturbs me greatly.

    Ricky from Stephenville

  44. LTBF
    January 23rd, 2008 at 11:31 pm [Reply]

    I have worked in the grocery business for over nine years and have never heard them called wagons. Usually buggies and sometimes “shopping carts”.

    I think the cartoon would have been funnier if the shopper in the first panel was some hot babe the guy wanted to help. Certainly more realitic.

  45. Johan
    January 23rd, 2008 at 11:31 pm [Reply]

    I’m too lazy to read and see if someone already suggested it, but if they did, I second it, and if not, I propose the following:

    “Who’s tougher than lady cops and waitresses? Not pirates!” needs to be a t-shirt.

  46. Anna Nimity of the Jungle Patrol
    January 23rd, 2008 at 11:32 pm [Reply]

    TDIET: D’oh, Josh! What is granny doing with ten pounds of cat litter, five pounds of sugar, and lots of canned goods? She’s obviously going to bake up a whole mess of goodbye cookies, fill the bathroom with cat litter, pack up those canned goods and go join the JUNGLE PATROL!

    Who’s tougher than lady cops and waitresses?

    Granny!

  47. Citric
    January 23rd, 2008 at 11:34 pm [Reply]

    45: All of the Jungle Patrol catchphrases have to be included. I totally want a “I quit, We’re joining the Jungle Patrol” T-shirt.

  48. LTBF
    January 23rd, 2008 at 11:36 pm [Reply]

    42-I’m assuming this is in whatever African country the Phantom ives in.

  49. LTBF
    January 23rd, 2008 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

    I can see the cop getting hired by the Jungle Patrol (assuming they hire women) but some white waitress?

  50. Jamus Of The Jungle Patrol
    January 23rd, 2008 at 11:40 pm [Reply]

    Kay’s looking pretty hot actually. VERY hot. I’m in.
    Walker better make her wear leopard skins and swing on vines. As part of her training.

  51. Jamus Of The Jungle Patrol
    January 23rd, 2008 at 11:42 pm [Reply]

    42. I believe it’s called Banghalla.

  52. J
    January 23rd, 2008 at 11:43 pm [Reply]

    Interesting ITworld article! Now I understand that “The Comics Curmudgeon” is simply an astroturfing site for Apartment 3-G.

  53. fishmorgjp
    January 23rd, 2008 at 11:45 pm [Reply]

    Five words: Cassandra Cat Jungle Patrol shirt.

  54. Derelict
    January 23rd, 2008 at 11:45 pm [Reply]

    48 and 51: Seems like there’s an awful lot of white people running around for this to be Africa–at least the parts of Africa I’ve been to.

    But, then, nobody asked me to join the jungle patrol while I was there. Darn!

  55. dyslexic dog
    January 23rd, 2008 at 11:47 pm [Reply]

    The Original Jungle Patrol comic, where the Phantom goes topless! Complete with a USDA stamp!
    http://bp0.blogger.com/_UnBLtL14PNk/RlLvHpnSyWI/AAAAAAAAABQ/nAXiFV6zRls/s1600-h/E003+-+TheJunglePatrol.JPG

  56. junglepatrol
    January 23rd, 2008 at 11:48 pm [Reply]

    47–no doubt. I want one of each.

  57. Francis
    January 23rd, 2008 at 11:49 pm [Reply]

    “What?”, as a response to “I quit! We’re joining the Jungle Patrol!”, is the most realistic piece of dialogue ever to appear in The Phantom.

  58. Capt Big Sims of the Jungle Patrol
    January 23rd, 2008 at 11:52 pm [Reply]

    Basic Jungle Patrol Fitness Exam:
    Lug 10 lbs cat litter, 5 lbs of sugar and lots of canned food across a parking lot without any help!

    Any other ideas?

  59. BigTed
    January 23rd, 2008 at 11:59 pm [Reply]

    Considering that Momma is really nothing more than a Humpty Dumpty-like giant head atop some tiny, spindly legs, I’d say that Francis is suffering from an Eggipal complex.

  60. Capt Big Sims of the Jungle Patrol
    January 24th, 2008 at 12:02 am [Reply]

    #59 BigTed
    Ovaipal Complex?

  61. Mr. Wuxtry
    January 24th, 2008 at 12:18 am [Reply]

    In TDIET, panel one, the bag boy says, “We don’t have wagons.” Huh? Wagons? Is there some part of the world where shopping carts (or trolleys, as the Brits call them) are known as wagons? Is this locution peculiar to Scadutoland? Also, are there really any grocery stores left that don’t have them? This cartoon may be a nostalgia trip back to the ’40s, as further evidenced by Biff’s sweater vest and the bag boy’s snappy uniform. “Shop & save at Alf’s! No clumsy, hard-to-steer wagons!”

  62. The Spectacular Jungle-Brick
    January 24th, 2008 at 12:20 am [Reply]

    I have offered my humble efforts at a Jungle Patrol T-shirt graphic to Pope Josh for his approval.

  63. Hooray For Socks in the Jungle!
    January 24th, 2008 at 12:31 am [Reply]

    #53 – Nice! I would totally wear that!

  64. zenvelo
    January 24th, 2008 at 12:34 am [Reply]

    mayhap “joining the Jungle Patrol” is another way of “going commando”

  65. Daktari
    January 24th, 2008 at 12:47 am [Reply]

    #1 – wooddragon — LMAO!!!!
    “12 Foobs in search of a cartoonist” is “spot on”.
    Darby Conley, Tom Batiuk, and Brooke McEldowney, will never be able to adapt FOOB into their Comic universe.

    –Let FOOB die!–

    Batiuk can only give them a cancerous death, while Brooke and Darby try unsuccessfully to integrate the Foobs into their strips.

    Well done, sir, or madam.
    I nominate you for COTG(enre).

    –Let FOOB die!–

  66. Tats
    January 24th, 2008 at 12:48 am [Reply]

    Wow, it takes a lot to topple Dick Tracy as the most consistently scattershit insane cartoon on the comics, but with this new Jungle Patrol storyline The Phantom looks poised to do just that. Never count out an underdog.

  67. Tats
    January 24th, 2008 at 12:49 am [Reply]

    66: *comics page

  68. Buck Ripsnort
    January 24th, 2008 at 12:49 am [Reply]

    61: Wuxtry, look at the size of that bag-boy; Pre-teen if he’s a day. Yep, he means real kid’s wagons!
    And btw, I’ve been offline because of a computer death (RIP my freebie HP Vectra) and not because I was snubbing you folks or anything. Glad to be back.

  69. Electro
    January 24th, 2008 at 12:55 am [Reply]

    @59 Big Ted: Comment of the week, for me at least.

    The first rule of Jungle Patrol is make a catch-phrase using the term Jungle Patrol.

    The second rule of Jungle Patrol is you tell everyone about Jungle Patrol.

    God, I love Jungle Patrol…

  70. Hooray For Socks in the Jungle!
    January 24th, 2008 at 1:00 am [Reply]

    #58 – Capt Big Sims -
    I imagine one’s ability to swing on a vine would be tested…

  71. True Fable
    January 24th, 2008 at 1:04 am [Reply]

    FBoFW Glory hallelujah and boy howdy amen, brothers and sisters – Iris Richards can READ MINDS! Oh the age of miracles is not past us, my friends; who knew the woman’s eyes bug out because they can SEE INTO THE INTERIOR OF THE HUMAN BRAIN!

    The woman who couldn’t figure out if he wanted the curtains open or closed, or if he was comfy, or if he wanted to watch the Veteran’s Day tribute on TV or not, can now FULLY UNDERSTAND that her aphasic husband who can say “Yes” “Boxcar!” and “Two!” is actually depressed and prefers to look back in the past and remember how things were, and wants a picture of him and his first wife on the bedside table. Well, that last one was pretty easy to figure since looking at her live buggy eyes and biscuit-dough face every morning probably makes him retch. But without the aid of picture boards which she doesn’t even offer him to USE, Iris can determine all that information from the grunts and frowns and farts from her beloved.

    Yes, as others have pointed out, this looks like Lynn prepping her minions for Jim’s Inevitable And About Freakin’ Time Death. Plenty o’Platitudes to go around, and it’s so PERFECT that Martyr Jr., Iris, is the one to spout them. Ahhhh, don’t you just love it when there’s so much Warmth and Satisfaction in the air!?

    But you know what, my dear congregation of the First Church of the Ribald Snark? Yea verily I say unto you, it isn’t about the ridicule for today’s strip that I wear on my sleeve… It’s the love in my heart to point it out.

    Can I get an amen?

  72. Crooked Soricidae of the Jungle Patrol
    January 24th, 2008 at 1:05 am [Reply]

    Joining the Jungle Patrol makes you cooler, your breath fresher, grows back lost hair, cures restless leg syndrome, and can be applied directly to the forehead.

  73. Craig
    January 24th, 2008 at 1:10 am [Reply]

    The Phantom’s creators should hook up a partnership with CafePress to make t-shirts out of every ridiculous line of dialogue uttered about the Jungle Patrol. They’ll have so much money in such a small time, they can buy themselves some classes on how to write well!

  74. Capt Big Sims of the Jungle Patrol
    January 24th, 2008 at 1:13 am [Reply]

    #70 Hooray For Socks in the Jungle!
    Reading Cathy without retching?

  75. sonneta
    January 24th, 2008 at 1:30 am [Reply]

    @65- That story was written by Katje, who also writes April’s Real Blog (http://aprilsrealblog.blogspot.com/).

  76. CrazyEskimo
    January 24th, 2008 at 1:32 am [Reply]

    I’m glad that in this day and age of increased equality among the sexes, the waitress refers to her friend as a ‘Lady Cop’ rather than just a ‘Cop’. While some might feel this to be unnecessarily patronizing to her friend, the truth she doesn’t want her bold declaration to be negated by association with those wussy ‘Gentleman Cops’. Apparently, the toughness hierarchy in Phantom goes something like this “Phantom>Jungle Patrol>Waitresses>Lady Cops> Pirates> Pluggers > Gentleman Cops.

  77. One Bad MotherHubbard
    January 24th, 2008 at 1:36 am [Reply]

    Ohmygosh–

    Somebody help me, I actually agreed with somebody in Herb & Jamaal today. I may faint…

  78. Brown-eyed Girl of the Jungel Patrol
    January 24th, 2008 at 1:37 am [Reply]

    58. 70. & 74. Start a fire with money and damp matches?
    Eat tuna casserole?
    Punch off facial hair?
    Wear jungle print underwear?

    62. Jungle Brick. Can you show us a picture?

  79. Capt Big Sims of the Jungle Patrol
    January 24th, 2008 at 1:42 am [Reply]

    #78 Brown-eyed Girl of the Jungel Patrol,
    Shave a sheet?
    Suppress an urge?

    I think the jungle print undies are standard issue.

  80. Mariko
    January 24th, 2008 at 1:47 am [Reply]

    I love how the ignorant, rude people in H & J are always white.

  81. Poteet of the Jungle Patrol
    January 24th, 2008 at 1:49 am [Reply]

    Preteena — A few more strips like this, and Teena’s family is off my list for good.

    GA — Is there any dimension in which this storyline makes any sense whatsoever?

    MT — So Mark and Andy managed to get to shore and beyond without even being wounded. Riiiight. Criminals in LoFo shoot about as well as those perambulating-toilet-head “Imperial Troops” in the Star Wars saga.

    RMMD — So Rex and Niki are supposedly becoming toasty warm from the heat emitted by a small amount of burning paper. Pardon while I laugh heartily on behalf of actual cabin visitors everywhere.

    Geez, this Jungle Patrolling is making me tense. Abby, please pass those brownies.

  82. Mr. O’Malley
    January 24th, 2008 at 1:52 am [Reply]

    Slylock Fox:

    1. KUTE BC in-joke reference to recently improved comic strip
    2. RAT BIB donned by cat when consuming rodents
    3. CN FEE fisherman has set aside C$21.99 for upcoming visit to the world’s tallest completed freestanding structure
    4. EWE STAR prizewinning sheep that totally blends into snowy background
    5. TICKS thanks to global warming, now spreading Rocky Mountain spotted fever all year round
    6. ET BLOT fisherman just returned from abduction by aliens, leaving small stain on earmuffs

  83. True Fable of the Jungle Patrol
    January 24th, 2008 at 1:56 am [Reply]

    A3G The Clueless asks the Uninformed for answers.
    Agnes Cheese is smelly. So are certain comics.
    Baby Blues Oh lord please don’t get him to stretch his nose, there’s already a fucking BLIMP on the man’s face as it is.
    BF I’m admittedly new to this strip. Is the woman supposed to be a gold-digger? Well, crap. I have no money.
    Cathy (Must Die) The Aack pose meets the Pointy pose.
    Cleats Wii joke alert!
    Close to Home Hey, it’s funny today. Unfortunately the artwork still SUCKS.
    DtM Wait’ll she tans your hide, kid.
    (WT)DT Wait, when are Dick’s cases NOT bizarre? Reality check here, Liz.
    Doonesbury Outclassing every other strip in its class, hands down.
    FC Dolly has gender issues she can only express through a Coney Island photo booth-like prop.
    FW Dammit, this isn’t even funny; it’s a flat statement with a pasted-on smirk. Uh, yeah, one-armed conductor; like a one-armed paper hanger! Geez.
    GA Do we know who this mailman is, is he an established character or something, or did we just wander Indianapolis and stumbled over him?
    JP *sigh* Another character who doesn’t HAVE to work for a living, which means he’ll get into all sorts of stupid convoluted plots that have nothing at all to do with the law or a courtroom. Hello Woody? It’s JUDGE Parker, dammit!!
    Luann I suppose at this point I’m supposed to be on pins and needles about what Toni might or might not have heard, but i really don’t give a shit.
    MT And the bearded man and Bull Malone’s widow aren’t still shooting at him, WHY??
    MW I will laugh SO FUCKIN’ HARD if Vera really does turn out to say she’s pregnant. That would be so sweeeeet.
    MC I feel your pain, brother.
    Phantom Can I just say – Nice Ass.
    Preteena If I was PreDaddy, I’d run like hell from PreMama and PreBitchy.
    RMMD In exchange for what? Is blackmail in the cards for Niki from Rex, who looks oddly like a cross between the late Christopher Reeves and a former incarnation of Michael Jackson?
    S-M Somebody poke this comic with a fork, it’s done.
    Sylvia I tried to read this comics today but my eyeballs rebelled.
    Zits that’s pretty much what I would say :-)

  84. Leu
    January 24th, 2008 at 1:57 am [Reply]

    I think “joining the jungle patrol” would be an excellent euphemism for being fired, thus:

    Joe: Hey, John’s looking pretty depressed today.
    Nancy: Oh, didn’t you hear? John just joined the jungle patrol.

  85. Trilobite
    January 24th, 2008 at 1:59 am [Reply]

    Hey look, it’s Thursday:

    Mark Trail: “Before I shoot back”? Wait, Mark’s going to shoot back at Caveman Butler and the Merry Widow? With what, a rifle that fires punches?

    Mary Worth: I never really understood why Dr. Jeff thought that his son Drew was a smooth operator with the ladies until now. Jeff’s relationship with Mary is, of course, based entirely on grim desperation — he assumes that if he sits quietly next to her and holds her leathery hand long enough, eventually she’ll give it up. It makes sense that he’d mistake Drew’s own outrageously manic desperation for serious game, I guess.

    Also: I’m worried that Drew will get kicked out by the manager for getting flop sweat all over those uncovered donuts in the background.

  86. ChattyGenes of the Jungle Patrol
    January 24th, 2008 at 1:59 am [Reply]

    #81 Poteet.

    “RMMD — So Rex and Niki are supposedly becoming toasty warm from the heat emitted by a small amount of burning paper…”

    Don’t forget “while still wearing soaking-wet, cold, clinging clothes.”

  87. Bobdog
    January 24th, 2008 at 2:20 am [Reply]

    I think what really makes this installment of Momma especially delightful is the hurt look she gives her son in the penultimate silent panel before she lashes out at him — which is fair enough because he really had to stretch conventional English discourse to turn his longing for a mate into something that could plausibly be taken as an insult to his mother. You’d think he was trying or something.

    I also noticed that the artist’s surname is “Lazarus” which seems appropriate.

  88. Mr. O’Malley
    January 24th, 2008 at 2:22 am [Reply]

    81. PoteetOTJP, in RMMDs past I see

    http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20080122&name=Rex_Morgan
    wooden box

    http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20080121&name=Rex_Morgan
    another wooden box on the opposite side

    http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20080120&name=Rex_Morgan
    kindling behind the stove, a barrel and a shelf

    http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20080113&name=Rex_Morgan
    some vaguely defined items on the porch

    Should be plenty of stuff to burn there, and if they run short they could start pulling up the floorboards.

    (I’m assuming that links still can’t be embedded.)

  89. Bobdog
    January 24th, 2008 at 2:27 am [Reply]

    You know what you be great? If it turns out the Jungle Patrol doesn’t have any openings — cut backs, you know.

    Then Kay can goes back to her waitressing job, acting like nothing happened — like George did in that one Seinfeld episode.

  90. TB Tabby
    January 24th, 2008 at 2:29 am [Reply]

    I seem to be having difficulty uploading my snark…

  91. TB Tabby
    January 24th, 2008 at 2:34 am [Reply]

    Okay, I see the problem now. I wasn’t able to HTML-link to this page:
    http://www.1up.com/do/newsStory?cId=3165334
    It realtes to today’s Brewster Rockitt. Anyway…

    9CL: Edda should listen to us for a while. I’ve got a few choice words myself.

    Archie: Mmm, striped stockings. The AJGU5000 can tell as many unfunny jokes as it likes as long and Veronica shows off her legs like that.

    BStarr: Would you prefer they DIDN’T take a sick day when they were hung over? It’s difficult to get any work done when you’re screaming in agony at the sound of typing.

    Luann: Toni’s giving the Black Power salute! They’re going to strip her of her gold medal!

    MC: Good to see that Ed is willing to provide beefcake as well as cheesecake. The Comic Strip Cheesecake Movement can gain more ground if it’s equal-opportunity.

    PBS: And remember, Pig is supposed to be the dumber of these two.

  92. Mibbit Patrol
    January 24th, 2008 at 2:48 am [Reply]

    I’ve tried Jungle Patrol, you should, too. New Jungle Patrol will make you energetic, cure your ED — also your Ed Crankshaft — and Jungle Patrol is soft on the skin, easy on the eyes, and guaranteed to work or your money back. Jungle Patrol is not a subsidiary of the Church of $cientology, pending judicial review. Jungle Patrol. Do not taunt Jungle Patrol. Jungle Patrol has lobbying interests worldwide, including the US, the Netherlands, the British Empire (excluding England, Ireland, and Scotland), China, and Saudi Arabia. Jungle Patrol has offices in Charterstone, Id, Milford, and Elbonia. Jungle Patrol is not responsible for staged meteor accidents, sudden and inexplicable cliffs in roadways, the Big Dig, broken swans, Global Warming, ducks who drink too much, or ineffective spider-based superheroes. Jungle Patrol.“More Jungle Patrols, Mule!” is a registered copyright of Jungle Patrol Enterprises, and can only be used with the permission of Danae Schemes Inc. You must join Jungle Patrol. Separate copyrights noted for use in Gail Martin songs and Mary Worth platitudes. Jungle Potrzebie. Pay no attention to the many death and injury lawsuits pertaining to the Jungle Patrol operation. Jungle Patrol has contributed money to the Clinton and Ron Paul campaigns, though Jungle Patrol likes the idea of a president named Mitt Huckabee. Limited responsibility for self-inflicted barky stick beatings and strain from reading overlong poor attempts at satire accepted. Jungle Patrol. Jungle Patrol. Jungle Patrol, of Ulm.

  93. Kurdt
    January 24th, 2008 at 3:05 am [Reply]

    Biff Biceps?
    How about…
    Flint Ironstag?
    Smash Lampjaw?
    Rip Steakface?
    Gristle McThornbody? or
    Punch Rockgroin?

  94. Joe Btfsplk of the Jungle Patrol
    January 24th, 2008 at 3:16 am [Reply]

    Yay, I’m in! If only I’d known how easy it was to join the Jungle Patrol, I’d have done it years ago.

    Dick TracyAw, jeez, I have to go to work again! And here I had my arms almost fully retracted for the night!

    The Wrist Computer demonstrates its unparalleled versatility once again, by successfully communicating with a Norelco shaver.

  95. Alfred E. Neuman, Jungle Patrol Reject
    January 24th, 2008 at 4:05 am [Reply]

    When I was a lad, way back in the 1950s, the term “jungle” was used by snickering pre-teen boys as a code word for the female pubic region. In this context, the joining of the “Jungle Patrol” by these women takes on a whole new meaning.

  96. Mr. O'Malley
    January 24th, 2008 at 4:18 am [Reply]

    Jungle Patrol
    The Story of the Philippine Constabulary

    This book is part of a selection of rare Filipiniana books which have long been out of print and are no longer available. Through the admirable efforts of concerned groups such as the Filipiniana Book Guild, the Historical Conservation Society, Cacho Hermanos and the Eugenio Lopez Foundation, more Filipiniana materials have been reprinted and made available to the general public. These rare books, selected by Professor Renato Constantino, form part of the Filipiniana Reprint Series published by Cacho Hermanos.

    “As an account of the campaign of the American-led Philippine Constabulary (created in 1901 as an adjunct of the US occupation army, which was then besieged by popular resistance), this book takes the point of view of the colonial authorities on the various movements struggling for independence and for other social causes. It lumps together all resistance movements as the acts of bandits, savages, and crackpots.

    But Vic Hurley’s accounts, read from the Filipino vantage point, can give us new insights and new attitudes towards those ‘primitive’ Filipino rebels. Despite the colonial bias of this book, students of the people’s struggle for freedom and justice will gain from its pages many glimpses of the creativity and tenacity of Filipino resistance”.

    – Renato Constantino, 1985

    Due to the many requests for copies of the reprinted book which, ironically, have become as rare as the original, Bakbakan International has undertaken to publish the complete manuscript on the Internet so that we may be able to share with many this priceless record of our history. Because of the length of the book and our limited resources,it will be published in stages, complete and unabridged.

    http://www.bakbakan.com/junglep.html

    Editorial note: during the US invasion of the Philippines it is estimated that about one-eighth of the population died.
    http://www.ascribe.org/cgi-bin/behold.pl?ascribeid=20060412.145118

    ———————————————————–

    Jungle Patrol (1948)

    In this war drama, set in New Guinea circa 1943, a squadron of fliers, stationed near Port Moresby must keep the Japanese at bay until a permanent air base can be built. They successfully shoot down 100 Japanese planes without losing one of their own. The men, realizing that they cannot beat the odds forever, begin worrying about which of them will be killed first. Fortunately, a pretty USO entertainer comes to visit, and the men get a welcome respite.

    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0040502/
    http://movies.nytimes.com/movie/26781/Jungle-Patrol/overview

    ———————————————————–

    Jungle Patrol (1944)

    Genre: Documentary / Short
    Plot Outline: Eight Australian soldiers in New Guinea attack a Japanese stronghold.

    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0369609/

    ———————————————————–

    The school bus is heading towards the bombs planted along the route through the jungle! You have to drive your jeep as fast as you can and defuse all the bombs before the bus arrives, to protect the lives of the children.You have to be careful and avoid touching the bombs or you will be blown up. If you fail to protect the bus, it will be game over. This game is quite challenging and it takes some time to get used to the gameplay. To defuse a bomb drive close to it until a circle appears around it, then press the Space Bar.

    http://jungle-patrol.freeonlinegames.com/

    ———————————————————–

    UN Jungle Patrol, Liberia

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JsimY-rDclg

    ———————————————————–

    Comic #8: Phantom – The Jungle Patrol
    Thursday, May 26, 2005

    http://thecomicproject.blogspot.com/2005/05/comic-8-phantom-jungle-patrol-reader.html

    ———————————————————–

    The Legend of The Ghost Who Walks

    This is the Realm of a man, who swore to fight against the crime! The man, who later became a hero, a legend! Kit Walker – son of Sir Christopher Standish – is the The Phantom! The Ghost Who Walks! The Man Who Can Not Die!

    E003 – The Jungle Patrol (Apr 1966)

    We all love the stories based on Jungle Patrol, but this one is about how the Jungle Patrol got started in the first place. It’s the Love-Story of Phantom the 6th and Queen Natala. It’s the story of the deadly pirate Redbeard and his gang. It’s the story of the unknown commander of the Jungle Patrol.

    Read The Comic Online

    http://legendofthephantom.blogspot.com/2007/05/003-jungle-patrol-apr-1966.html

  97. Captain Thunder of the Jungle Patrol
    January 24th, 2008 at 4:21 am [Reply]

    Those ladies are never going to get on the Jungle Patrol, because they forgot the first rule of Jungle Patrol:

    No talking about Jungle Patrol.

    They also forgot the second rule of Jungle Patrol:

    No talking about Jungle Patrol!

  98. Mel, Official Anagrammer of the Rapt Jello Gun
    January 24th, 2008 at 4:32 am [Reply]

    I keep seeing the Jungle Patrol interview process as the Monty Python sketch when Palin goes to career counselor Cleese to make the obvious jump from Chartered Accountancy to Lion Taming:

    Counselor: Well yes. Yes. Of course, it’s a bit of a jump isn’t it? I mean, er, chartered accountancy to lion taming in one go. You don’t think it might be better if you worked your way towards lion taming, say, via banking’…

    Anchovy: No, no, no, no. No. I don’t want to wait. At nine o’clock tomorrow I want to be in there, taming.

    Counselor: Fine, fine. But do you, do you have any qualifications?

    Anchovy: Yes, I’ve got a hat.

    Counselor: A hat?

    Anchovy: ‘Yes, a hat. A lion taming hat. A hat with ‘lion tamer’ on it. I got it at Harrods. And it lights up saying ‘lion tamer’ in great big neon letters, so that you can tame them after dark when they’re less stroppy.

  99. Ed Power, writer of My Cage
    January 24th, 2008 at 4:37 am [Reply]

    TB Tabby,

    MC: Good to see that Ed is willing to provide beefcake as well as cheesecake.

    Since Norm is kinda/sorta my ‘alter ego’ in the strip, I’m going to pretend he’s the beefcake you’re refering to. :D

    Actually both cheescake and beefcake is from Mel. Aside from a few general descriptive notes, I leave the character designs to Melissa .

    Mel is the reason Maureen is a fox instead of a horse, Ashley is a goth-chick instead of a bored rich girl, and our ‘Creepy-Janitor-Guy’ is a cackling lunatic, instead of a cold, calculating Hannibal Lecter-type.

    That’s part of why I like collaborating.

  100. Ed Power, writer of My Cage
    January 24th, 2008 at 4:37 am [Reply]

    TB Tabby,

    MC: Good to see that Ed is willing to provide beefcake as well as cheesecake.

    Since Norm is kinda/sorta my ‘alter ego’ in the strip, I’m going to pretend he’s the beefcake you’re refering to. :D

    Actually both cheescake and beefcake is from Mel. Aside from a few general descriptive notes, I leave the character designs to Melissa .

    Mel is the reason Maureen is a fox instead of a horse, Ashley is a goth-chick instead of a bored rich girl, and our ‘Creepy-Janitor-Guy’ is a cackling lunatic, instead of a cold, calculating Hannibal Lecter-type.

    That’s part of why I like collaborating.

  101. ChattyGenes of the Jungle Patrol
    January 24th, 2008 at 4:46 am [Reply]

    #96 Mr. O’Malley. Good grief. So that means this is the second night in a row that we have taken off and had fun with something that was real, or that has a basis in reality (last night being the song lyrics in Mary Worth).

    Where’s a Gail Martin when you need her?

  102. Ed Power, writer of My Cage
    January 24th, 2008 at 4:54 am [Reply]

    Oops Sorry for the above double post.

  103. The Restless Mouse
    January 24th, 2008 at 5:16 am [Reply]

    I was looking at “April Patterson’s Real Blog” and it reads thus;

    “So, more on my recent visit 2 Gramps and Iris’s place. I was sitting @ the kitchen counter, and Iris was all, “Yr Grandpa is in gd health, April. His doctor thinks it’s depression that makes him so….slow. I do what I can, but I can’t bring back his ability 2 speak or 2 dance or 2 play guitar.” Iris refilled our tea cups so she cd set up 4 sum wordplay. She went on like, “There R so many things he can’t do.” I asked, “But…what abt the things he CAN do?” Iris was like, “Yes… his cup is 1/2 full. But he thinks it’s empty.” I was disappointed, cuz I thot we were abt 2 have a discussion abt what Gramps can do and ways 2 help him do them. Like mayB we cd get out that picture book every1 seems 2 have 4gotten abt and @ least help him communic8, U know? But Iris had 2 go 4 the “cup” thing, which, BTW, I thot was supposta B “glass,” only we were drinking from teacups.”

    Cripes, isn’t her dad a published author? Do the young uns really spell like that in a blog? Can’t they save the shorthand for the text-messaging? No wonder gramps is depressed.

  104. teenchy
    January 24th, 2008 at 6:41 am [Reply]

    Yesterthread # 256: Allie Cat, thanks for sharing your wedding story.

  105. gleeb
    January 24th, 2008 at 6:48 am [Reply]

    Baldo: Uh oh. Baldo’s going to threaten, then give up on hitting a news announcer.

    ‘shaft: Oh, Ed, you’re such a lovable cantankerous, thieving, incompetent misanthrope.

    Dinette Set: I think the Leopold and Lobe(sic) t-shirts tell us the rest of the missing cat story.

    H&L: Ditto’s Superman underwear seems highly starched.

    Sam Driver, attorney-at-law: Not a dime? Hmmm, Sam looks like he likes it, but I think Mr ex-JAG Seal is a plant from the other camp in the ever-upcoming judical election.

    Popeye: They seem so calm about not having seen Swee’ Pea for days.

  106. AhClem
    January 24th, 2008 at 6:55 am [Reply]

    Master Soft Heart wants to join the Jungle Patrol, but fears there will be violence.

  107. Scherzo
    January 24th, 2008 at 7:33 am [Reply]

    Pibgorn is hilarious for the little arrow labelling the bottom right corner as “Sunset.”

    Today’s Peanuts explains Dr. Sanjay Gupta on CNN, et al.
    (http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2008/1/24&name=Peanutsb )

    Listen up, Rex Morgan, M.D.! Mark Trail is being chased by people with guns,too. Mark has a gun, himself and when people shoot at him, he’s going to shoot BACK. Doctor, what is that in your pocket?

  108. One-eyed Wolfdog
    January 24th, 2008 at 7:36 am [Reply]

    Ziggy: How old is your joke again?

  109. seanman
    January 24th, 2008 at 7:44 am [Reply]

    Not sure if anyone noted Luann this AM; Toni’s giant hand is back (ala the infamous elf costume shot, which I can’t find to link to). This might be charitably described as a “perspective issue” but I doubt it; it’s just an enormous hand (or, technically, fist) today.

  110. Crooked Soricidae of the Jungle Patrol
    January 24th, 2008 at 7:45 am [Reply]

    Was Viscount Dennis ever a member of the Jungle Patrol?

  111. yudantaiteki
    January 24th, 2008 at 8:06 am [Reply]

    I know people have already mentioned this, but there’s a high level of “ick” factor involved in this week’s Preteena storyline, which began with the daughter and the mom arguing over which one of them is sexy enough to model in a bikini for the father’s painting.

  112. jerseygull
    January 24th, 2008 at 8:12 am [Reply]

    Re TDIET: What’s Granny doing with all that cat litter, canned goods and sugar? My guess is there’s snow on the way and she’s gone to the store to stock up in case she’s snowbound for a day or two. That also explains the lack of “wagons” — everyone has made a supermarket run after hearing the weather report. Here in NJ, where I live, people go into total panic mode when snow is forecast, even though the roads are generally clear within a day of the worst storms.

  113. Necktie Weasel
    January 24th, 2008 at 8:15 am [Reply]

    Ah, the misogyny of Apartment 3G …. “I saw my boyfriend kissing another woman at midnight, but it’s all my fault!”

    *rolls eyes*

  114. Allie Cat
    January 24th, 2008 at 8:23 am [Reply]

    #104 – Teenchy – thanks! It’s always a happy memory, thankfully.

    FW – Dude, we’ve been making that joke on this site for AGES! Come on!

    FOOB – I’d like Iris a lot more if she’d said, “Yeah, it pisses me off, but what are you gonna do?” We get it that she’s a saintly caretaker who has been blessed with the opportunity to nurse a member of the Patterson clan (although only tangentially by marriage) in his final days.

    Mutts – This is why I have a dog.

    TDIET – There is a small part of me that can relate, I am ashamed to admit. People remark to me all the time how patient Mr. Cat is – and he is incredibly patient about 97% of the time. That other 3%, he acts a little like Nudnik. But that 3% never occurs with anyone but his own Lulula.

    Oh well….

  115. Muffaroo
    January 24th, 2008 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    Phantom – Is Kay saying that the Jungle Patrol don’ need no stinkin’ name tags? Okay, they probably refer to themselves by name a lot. “I, Kay, am ticketing you for swinging through a no-swinging zone!”

  116. AhClem
    January 24th, 2008 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    Here is an excerpt from the original script of John Cleese’s famous rant in the “Architect” sketch:

    “I see. Well, of course, this is just the sort of blinkered philistine ignorance I’ve come to expect from you non-creative garbage. You sit there on your loathsome spotty behinds squeezing blackheads, not caring a tinker’s cuss for the struggling artist. You excrement, you whining hypocritical toadies with your colour TV sets and your Tony Jacklin golf clubs and your bleeding Jungle Patrol secret handshakes. You wouldn’t let me join, would you, you blackballing bastards. Well I wouldn’t join the Jungle Patrol if you went down on your stinking knees and begged me.”

  117. Whippersnapper
    January 24th, 2008 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    A3-G: I’m no geologist, but asking that your boyfriend not make out with other women right in front of you doesn’t seem overly possessive to me.

  118. Brick Bradford
    January 24th, 2008 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    I’m sure that one of the first qualifications for Jungle Patrol is goofing off at work, ignoring your duties, and quitting in a snit the moment your superior calls you on your poor peformance.

    Also–doesn’t this sound like a natural second career for Juliette in 9CL?

    Jungle Patrol fever is the new Aldomania, I guess.

    Is it just me or does the plastic name tag hurled at the Mel’s Diner refugee evoke the badge in the dust at the end of “High Noon”?

    Yeah, I guess it’s just me.

  119. The Spectacular Jungle-Brick
    January 24th, 2008 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    Hey, Ed Power of My Jungle Cage: Norm’s superhero tattoo doesn’t look like the right shape to be a Superman “S” or a Batman logo, and it’s too small to read. What is it supposed to be?

  120. AMSTERDANG
    January 24th, 2008 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    Josh’s post reminded me of a good Kaiser Chief’s song (Oh My God):

    Time on your side that will never end
    The most beautiful thing you can ever spend
    But you work in a shirt with your name tag on it
    Drifting apart like a plate tectonic….

  121. Chyron HR
    January 24th, 2008 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    Funkerboo – Okay, the sleeve Beckers has pinned up is plainly LONGER than the left one. Does she have these shirts custom-made, so that she can enjoy the casual comfort of a tee while still telling the world “It can be disabled woman pity tiem now plz?”

  122. Tweeks_Coffee
    January 24th, 2008 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    A3G: Why is it hard to trust him? Uh…maybe because you’re dating a junkie who was kissing some girl last night?
    Archie: Oh Archie, that polka dot scarf clashes horribly with the plaid on your hair. You need to take some tips from Veronica and her bubble shirt and striped stockings over there. Wait, never mind.
    ‘Shaft: Why on Earth does he have all those hair dryers anyway?
    DT: You know, I’m so tired of seeing all the stupid plotlines, I’d actually like to see Dick just relax at home for a while. Seriously, this is like 3 straight events without him even laying in his own bed for a night. Even Spider-Man gets to watch TV on a regular basis.
    GA: Mrs. Clause! Oh no, no sorry, the hat threw me off.
    GA: May it’s because the kid is so badly emaciated. Seriously, Gil, get him a burger would you?
    MF: Meantime, Mallard is giving Britney more mention than she’s gotten in the past month. Way to make a point, Tinsley.
    MT: “A bearded man that I haven’t punched!? Impossible!” Why the heck is the widow there anyway? Much less apparently standing out in the open.
    Phantom: Seems like talking trees would be a pretty obvious tip-off to a secret hiding place. Suppose she rides that horse in the city during the day?
    TDIET: Holy sheep! Nudnik is really about to strike his wife there, isn’t he? I mean, he’s got the raised fist and everything.
    Zits: Hmmm, a fairly realistic response. I approve.

  123. teegee
    January 24th, 2008 at 9:02 am [Reply]

    TDIET:

    You hardly ever saw ole Granny round here
    She only come to town about twice a year
    She bought a hunnert pounds of yeast, ten pounds of cat litter, five pounds of sugar, lots of canned goods, and some copper line
    Everybody knew she was makin’ moonshine … and feeding her cats …

  124. Chyron HR
    January 24th, 2008 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    Um… Can it be can’t tell right from left tiem now plz?

  125. Secret Santa
    January 24th, 2008 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    3: Deena in OR says: Nametag job = automatic Plugger membership

    Guess that would mean that 3 million US active duty, reservists and guardsmen currently wearing the cloth of the nation are a bunch of pluggers,… not that there’s anything wrong with that.

  126. Bootsy of the Jungle Patrol
    January 24th, 2008 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    OK< I’m here! Got my taser, my lunch money, no name tag, natch, my secret pirate finding compass. Hey, do I get a monkey? I don’t wanna join if I don’t get a monkey.

  127. gagott68
    January 24th, 2008 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    MT: He wants to find out who is shooting at him before returning fire? Why? If I have a means to return fire, I would think I’d like to do so without unnecessarily exposing myself to more shots by popping my head up to gaze through binoculars. Oh, yeah. Apparently, Barney Beard only had one bullet.

    Zits: Yes! Choke him to death! Please!

    Luann: So Toni is going to think T.J. is practicing asking her out and Brad will be frustrated and/or jealous that she gets to nail T.J.

    GT: Is someone going to bark at this comic strip for sleepwalking through its existence?

    BB: Sarge is just getting Beetle used to assuming “the position.”

    H&L: Ditto’s wearing his Superman underwear and it looks like its snugging him in all the right places.

  128. ChristianPinko
    January 24th, 2008 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    I’m joining the Jungle Patrol! And I don’t need flair to do it!

  129. Calico
    January 24th, 2008 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    #127 – Yeah, Beetle’s been digging ditches all right-so has Sarge. I hope lube is cheap at the commissary.

    MW – OK, so I guess Vera is leaving town. I guess this soapy old comic won’t go into “with child” territory. Bummer.

    #4 – If you see Kay…that’s an old stupid April Whine song…what clever innuendo, yes indeed.

  130. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 24th, 2008 at 9:52 am [Reply]

    1/24

    Marvin: “Yeah, I get it, Phil. You’re old. Come to think of it, so am I. Haw haw.”

    C-Shaft: The neighbor was planning to call Homeland Security when he saw that hairdier monstrosity. Now he’ll just beat the crap out of Crankshaft.

    H&L: Bizarrely enough, ditto gains confidence the same way that Juliette from Chickweed Lane does.

    BC: There are two marine biologists in this burg? Who’s the other one?

    JP: Sam is starting to look like he found a couple of those brownies after all.

    A3G: Alan’s making out with another woman was as much her Lu Ann’s fault as his? Who is this guy’s defense attorney?

    BB: When Beetle complains about Sarge “punishing” him while nursing his sore ass, things have gotten to blatant by half.

    S4th: Actually, that was an uncomfortable extended lull.

    SFx: Are we counting the Sorrow that will result when the girl on skates and the sleeping wino fall into the ice-cold water and die of hypothermia?

    S-M: “Um, and then Godero will get shanked in the breakfast line. This plan sounded better in my head.”

  131. Deena in OR
    January 24th, 2008 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    125-

    As a health care provider, I’m a proud member of the name tag patrol myself…and my ADD meds are sitting on my dining room table even as we speak :)

  132. Secret Santa
    January 24th, 2008 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    127: Great comment, but if Forest Patrol Mark can’t see the shooter, at what does he shoot? Perhaps a few shots at the floatplane to get the bad guys to keep their heads down, giving Mark a chance to seek higher ground. OBTW, floatplanes don’t do too well nestled amongst rocks.

  133. Shermy Glamrocker
    January 24th, 2008 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    I dunno, “I quit! Let’s join the Jungle Patrol” seems to be the Phantom equivalent of Mickey Rooney saying, “Let’s Put on a Show!”

    “My uncle has an old barn! With a jungle in it!”

  134. Scrog, J.P.
    January 24th, 2008 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    In some respect, I feel bad for the comics, because snarking on them daily is like snarking a TV show every second–sometimes the inanities have a future purpose. (Sometimes.) For example, Gasoline Alley and its “Don’t come onto USPS property and come to my office” dilemma. Three ways to go from here in Gasoline Alley: (A) This nonsensical response from the supervisor is foreshadowing his running into the other guy, who then hacks him to bits and buries him in a basement; (B) it alludes to his being in cahoots in some dastardly plan with the other guy, and the letter carrier follows him and discovers it, only to be hacked to bits and buried in the basement; or (C) nothing, and next week we’re back to the madcap hijinks of the mule-driving hillbillies and their cats.

    Also, I never really thought about it until today’s, but I think Pluggers is inherently racist. I don’t know if it’s necessarily the cartoonist’s fault–it might just be that there’s a large culture gap between the older generation of working class whites (Pluggers) and working class blacks. Namely, if the Plugger depicted were black, he would probably get his shoes shined weekly, pluck his nose hairs occasionally, and not leave his medicines all over the goddamn dining room table.

  135. Spotted HØrse, Noble Steed of the Jungle Patrol
    January 24th, 2008 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    #17 Eats Shoots And Leaves:

    Mark Trail: What kind of boat is that? From the front it looks like a birch bark canoey sort of affair, but it has a square stern with an outboard.

    When I was a kid, we had a children’s book called “Ola and Blakken,” wherein Norwegian kiddies fashion a couple of boats from the beak of a giant bird. Actually, from the beak of a giant troll-cock. I’m serious! Anyhoo, this beak boat looked exactly like Mark’s motorcanoe.

  136. Secret Santa
    January 24th, 2008 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    131: Mercy! Three million physicians and nurses in the US, plus the members of the allied health professions of dentistry, physical therapy, pharmacy, podiatry, optometry… then add in a few million police. We have become a Plugger Nation!

  137. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 24th, 2008 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    #103 Mouse,
    Actually, it’s April’s brother who’s a published author. Sad to say.

  138. Bud
    January 24th, 2008 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    Ok – not to be mean or anything, but when, oh when, oh WHEN will Gampy FOOB finally bite the big one? Die already, old man!!!

    (ok, I’m being mean)

  139. Little Guy
    January 24th, 2008 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    81: GA: I just reread the past two weeks, and it appears Grumpy Customer not only called the Boss while he was driving away, he teleported the Boss right where the Mailman was delivering.

    {Insert Dick Tracy Deer-in-the-headlights Look}

    Candorville: I’m telling you — THAT’S NOT YOUR KID, LEMONT! I’m not even sure it’s your species.

  140. AtomicDog Of The Jungle Patrol
    January 24th, 2008 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    Actually, shouldn’t it be the “Tropical Rainforest Patrol”?

  141. Little Guy
    January 24th, 2008 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    116: Okay, this is the SECOND John Cleese/Comics written mashup I’ve seen today:

    http://groups.google.com/group/rec.arts.comics.strips/browse_thread/thread/2448705efa2b8786/94f597eca82f154e?hl=en#94f597eca82f154e

    (Cut and paste — HTML Linkup not working for me)

  142. dimestore lipstick, dyslexic member of A Plunger Jolt
    January 24th, 2008 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    MW: Stomp his dick, Vera. Stomp his arrogant, vainglorious dick into the dirt.

  143. srah
    January 24th, 2008 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    I’m not a regular Phantom reader, so I have no idea what’s going on with this Jungle Patrol plot, but I really love how surreal this particular comic is. Since I have no context for it, it’s just people shouting out occupations. I want the t-shirt.

  144. mir777
    January 24th, 2008 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    Momma: I can’t tell if Francis is wearing a wrinkly ringer-T or if he’s disturbingly shirtless and sporting upper-arm tattoos.

  145. Jungle general formerly known as Ben
    January 24th, 2008 at 10:48 am [Reply]

    #80

    I love how the ignorant, rude people in H & J are always white.

    Yeah, I think I’d like to see an island colony populated by the white patron in H&J, the postal supervisor from Gasoline Alley, and the majority of non-Latinos in Baldo. Call it the Nation of Racial Strawmen.

  146. Holly Golightly Joins the Jungle Patrol
    January 24th, 2008 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    31 & 69: I’ve always called them carts, but my Bostonian boyfriend calls them carriages. I always ask where the horses are.

    84: If that the case, the entire staff where I work may soon be joining the Jungle Patrol. I wonder if the job comes with a leopard. I could ride it like He-man and Battle Cat!

  147. gkl
    January 24th, 2008 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    MW: I can’t tell if those objects in the display case are bagels or donuts, but ye gods, they’re an unnatural shade of yellow. Perhaps this break-up should occur over a yellow object with lox and/or sprinkles.

    Garfield: I wouldn’t say today’s strip is successful, but I can respect that there’s at least some effort into making humor. How grinding got the pepper mill into Jon’s mouth, I don’t understand, and also how the grinding got the pepper mill into Jon’s mouth but the pepper into really large (for a spice) pyramid on the table, so the whole internal logic thing is where this one falls apart, but at least an effort was made.

    GA: The one character in the strip who uses proper grammar is the one who winds up begging for change on the streets. There’s an important life lesson there, kids.

    GT: I’m not a feminist scholar or anything, ladies, but I have a feeling your lives would be more fulfilled if you talked about something other than Andrew Gregory once in a while.

  148. teenchy
    January 24th, 2008 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    # 114: My pleasure. So many of your posts suggest to me that we may have similar backgrounds (except those that actually contain snark, at which I’m not terribly clever). I can say the same for…

    # 61: Mr. Wuxtry: You wouldn’t happen to know Pete Buck, would you? He used to work there.

  149. Darkefang
    January 24th, 2008 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    : “Alan and I had a fight last night, and it was as much my fault as it was his.”

    I was going to try and think of something funny to say about Luann’s nonexistent self-esteem, but my brain exploded when I read panel two:

    “I have to stop being so possessive and just trust him.”

    I guess that explains why Luann has remained single for fifty years: Men are turned off when their girlfriend is always saying possessive things like, “Stop jamming your tongue down that strange woman’s throat!”

    Archie: Lately, Archie’s been all about Veronica. Is Betty finally fed up with sharing him with her best friend, or has Veronica been leaving him so exhausted that he doesn’t have the energy for Betty anymore? The most disturbing thing is that I’ve actually put thought into this situation.

    BB: I was hoping that today I’d be able to make some kind of comment where I take the illustrations or dialogue out of context to make it sound like Beetle and Sarge are having homosexual relations, but I just can’t find anything that could be humorously misinterpreted. Well, maybe I’ll have better luck tomorrow.

    FC: She couldn’t fit her dad’s head into the picture, but I notice that she did a disturbingly professional job of centering his crotch.

    GA: I’m tempted to declare this story as moronic as it could possibly be, but I’m sure that Scancarelli will somehow manage to kick the idiocy up a notch.

    GT: For two girls who supposedly don’t like him, they sure spend a lot of time talking about Andrew’s every move. Unfortunately for him, he only weighs 80 lbs, so after the inevitable happens, he’ll be unable to play in the playoffs due to a crushed pelvis.

    H&L: Apparently, Dot’s been dating Juliette Burber.

    JP: Sam’s generating business right now… in his pants!

    MT: I had Mark Trail figured all wrong. I was certain he thought that all bearded guys looked alike.

    Phantom: That’s quite a commute she must have to make every day. Swim under the waterfall, ride the horse to the parking lot, drive the car to the subway, ride the subway to downtown, and walk to the law office. Maybe they let her telecommute a couple days a week?

    S-M: Once Krandis murders Gordero in a horrific manner, I’ll have all the evidence I need that Krandis is committing petty vandalism on newspaper trucks!

    TDIET: I really don’t think they do that every time. I think H. Locnier’s husband might just be a dick.

  150. Greg
    January 24th, 2008 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    That last Phantom panel cries out for a t-shirt!

  151. Darkefang
    January 24th, 2008 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    Whoops, I guess I ought to preview. The first comment should read:

    A3G: “Alan and I had a fight last night, and it was as much my fault as it was his.”

    I was going to try and think of something funny to say about Luann’s nonexistent self-esteem, but my brain exploded when I read panel two:

    “I have to stop being so possessive and just trust him.”

    I guess that explains why Luann has remained single for fifty years: Men are turned off when their girlfriend is always saying possessive things like, “Stop jamming your tongue down that strange woman’s throat!”

  152. moe99
    January 24th, 2008 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    I really think that Rxx Morgan being party to a crime is worth its own separate post.. I mean how often do you see the good doctor destroying contraband and then denying its existence?

  153. Calico
    January 24th, 2008 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    A poster put this on A. Bechdel’s website – thought I would copy it here as well – it’s about women writing, and in, modern comics (don’t worry, FOOB and Cathy are not mentioned).

    http://arts.guardian.co.uk/art/visualart/story/0,,2245316,00.html

  154. gh of the jungle patrol
    January 24th, 2008 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    (WT)DT

    Run for your lives! It’s Tyrannosaurus Dick!

  155. queek
    January 24th, 2008 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    I haven’t read the posts, so please forgive if this has been covered already, but today we find out just why Sally Forth keeps Ted around.

    He is good for multiple attempts on one dose, to paraphrase the Cialis commercials.

  156. Ed Jungle, writer of Cage Patrol
    January 24th, 2008 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    Jungle Brick @ 119,

    It’s supposed to be…too small for you to make out. :D

    Although we have a strip coming up that introduces a super-hero all ‘My Cage’s own (and no, it’s won’t be an alter-ego for Norm ala Stupendous Man or Caped Avenger).

  157. Ed Jungle, writer of Cage Patrol
    January 24th, 2008 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    Jungle Brick @ 119,

    It’s supposed to be…too small for you to make out. :D

    Although we have a strip coming up that introduces a super-hero all ‘My Cage’s own (and no, it’s won’t be an alter-ego for Norm ala Stupendous Man or Caped Avenger).

  158. Ed Jungle, writer of Cage Patrol
    January 24th, 2008 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    Sorry. My computer must have a stutter.

  159. Tonio
    January 24th, 2008 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    (Please note that “it” in my first sentence refers not to the unhealthy relationship between Momma and her sons, but to Momma the comic strip as a whole.)

    My theory about “Momma” is that everything in the strip is depicted as Momma perceives it, to show how the psychological issues that produce a controlling personality also produce a distorted view of the world. Her children and daughter-in-law may be caricatured not just to get laughs, but also to illustrate her preconceived notions and prejudices about them. I remember seeing subtle hints of this, but I might be wrong. What do you think?

  160. AhClem
    January 24th, 2008 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    #149 Darkefang -
    “Archie: Lately, Archie’s been all about Veronica. Is Betty finally fed up with sharing him with her best friend, or has Veronica been leaving him so exhausted that he doesn’t have the energy for Betty anymore? The most disturbing thing is that I’ve actually put thought into this situation.”

    I think Betty needs to give up on Archie, get rid of her worldly possessions and join the Jungle Patrol. It’s the 21st century equivalent of the French Foreign Legion.

  161. Islamorada Girl, Jungle Patrol Reporting for Duty
    January 24th, 2008 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    I would totally buy a t-shirt if it said JUNGLE PATROL. Especially since I’m working with the pirates and I want to go undercover.

  162. Gold-Digging, Jungle-Patrolling Nanny
    January 24th, 2008 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    I’m joining the Jungle Patrol! Just let me grab my skillet!

    Six Differences with the Gold-Digging Nanny

    Sunday’s Slylock Fox is meaner than a junkyard dog tied to the world’s tallest stump:

    http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20080120&name=Slylock

    1) The dog in panel one really, really hates it when you call him Pikachu.
    2) After long, hard study, I can definitively tell you that the cat in the first panel is standing in a planter made from an old tire, which was spray painted blue to go with the pastel pink and green ones off panel. Even junkyards need classy landscaping. The cat in the second panel, however, is standing on a chunk of Astroturf from Boise State University. (Go Big Blue!)
    3) The white duck in the second panel just finished up a stint wearing a rooster’s comb and starring in the Far Side with the farmer with the axe surrounded by chickens and deciding who it’s going to be.
    4) The cat in the first panel is the runt from the litter that produced Heathcliff.
    5) The black duck with its head through the fence in panel two appears to be a young Daffy Duck.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u54ftJIZ-sE

    6) Panel one: Oil spill. Panel two: Opening to another dimension composed entirely of black and white vertical stripes.

    Bonus Difference: Panel two depicts an aspect of Jungle Patrol training. Is it outrunning a junkyard dog? Hopping through tire planters? Snapping a rope with your neck? You decide.

    This episode of Six Differences with the Gold-Digging Nanny has been brought to you by Barger-Mattson Auto Salvage.

  163. Divine O’F of the Jungle Patrol
    January 24th, 2008 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    CREDIT WHERE CREDIT IS DUE:

    To all those whose excellent commentary on The Jungle Patrol have made it impossible for me to get the things done I need to do this morning. Special Mention to Mr. O’Malley, whose tireless Internet research has more fully fleshed out the latest CC mass hysteria.

    And BTW, I have joined, but I had no job to quit. Can I stay? Also, does this mean I have to start reading The Phantom? I never used to read it even when I was a kid and we got it in the local paper. I was too squicked out by what I thought was the lead guy’s blue skin.

  164. Gold-Digging, Jungle-Patrolling Nanny
    January 24th, 2008 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    I think a name badge that says “Jungle Patrol” would be awesome.

  165. Mel, Official Anagrammer of the Lager Jolt Pun
    January 24th, 2008 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    126
    Bootsy, here is your official jungle patrol monkey…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mm3CtlvMA90

    Not surprisingly, this plot makes more sense than either MT, and has more realistic action than DT.

  166. Hooray For Socks in the Jungle!
    January 24th, 2008 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    #118 Brick Bradford says:

    I’m sure that one of the first qualifications for Jungle Patrol is goofing off at work, ignoring your duties, and quitting in a snit the moment your superior calls you on your poor peformance.

    Yikes! I’m overqualified!

  167. Mibbitmaker
    January 24th, 2008 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    A3G: Tommie, just take LuAnn and have her lay down in front of the enterance to 3G. She’d be the perfect one of those.

    S4th: Sally, just take Ted and have him lay down in front of the front door. He’d be the perfect one of those.

    GT: “I’m A-train, dammit! I’m the best, fastest, most skilled player of all time! I’m da man! I can wipe the floor with any-ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
    ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
    ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ…..”

    S-M: “Now I won’t have to waste my time at wifey’s stupid play! Thanks, criminals.”

    FC: That’s not Dolly Keane. That’s Conan O’Brien’s daughter in a couple of years. (Note the hair color)

    Tiger: “Hugo, you’re crushing my happy little trees!!”

    Zits: Go, Thelma, go! YAAAAAAAYY, Jeremy’s mom!!!

    H&L: Quick! Get the Kryptonite!

    Garfield: I hope to God that is a pepper shaker in panel 2, or else Jon’s anatomy has gone horribly, horribly wrong!

    GF: “Oh, Bucky, why don’t you just get a spit-curl and join the Milford basketball team, already?!”

  168. Gabacho
    January 24th, 2008 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    Brenda Starr – I can hardly believe my eyes.

    It just gets better. People have hangovers which means they drink and others don’t freak out and do drama queen interventions!

    And there’s a big, beautiful woman who clearly likes her fries and cake and smokes! And she’s not the butt (pun intended) of the joke or a cause for pity.

    This is the perfect comic. The antidote for the alarming rise of morality in my own Baby Boomer generation of swine.

    http://www.comicspage.com/comicspage/main.jsp?catid=1147&custid=69&file=20080124csbsr-a-p.jpg&code=csbsr&dir=/brendastarr

    And just so you know, I drink hardly at all, smoke two packs of cigarettes a month – on weekdays one after breakfast and one after dinner. and I am not overweight.

    I am just sick of the moralistic, hypocritical, going into hysterics at the whiff of a Marlboro light but don’t mind driving an SUV or living two people in a four bathroom McMansion bullshit of my degraded peers.

    Yeah, there was triggering incident. Why do you ask?

  169. gagott68
    January 24th, 2008 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    132. Secret Santa: I think there’s a difference between seeing that “someone” is shooting at you and using binoculars to see exactly “who” is shooting at you. Perhaps Trail would have a scope on his rifle which would give him a good enough view of “who” he’s shooting at without over-exposing himself to fire. Even without a scope, he’d be better off firing shots from a covered position.

    Of course, I draw all my tactical expertise from occasional paintball games and watching the Rambo series.

  170. Tweeks_Coffee
    January 24th, 2008 at 11:34 am [Reply]

    Why, even Batman has done a stint with Jungle Patrol®

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/8skeinsofdanger/2215332530/

    Not to mention Transformers, specifically Cheetor, has been involved with Jungle Patrol®

    http://www.tfu.info/1998/Maximal/Cheetor/cheetor.htm

  171. Perky Jungle Bird
    January 24th, 2008 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    I’m still confused about the jungle pirates. How do they sail their big ships through the jungle? Wouldn’t the masts and sails get all tangled in all the vines and such?

    Seriously, aren’t pirates generally portrayed as sea-faring evil-doers? So how would a jungle patrol even encounter them?

  172. Little Jungle Patrol Guy
    January 24th, 2008 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    Ok, I’m in.

  173. Mibbitmaker
    January 24th, 2008 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    #167 (me) (Garfield): Panel 3, I guess.

    Also, Jon’s girlfriend has a response to that part of my post:

    “Mind your own business, Mibbit!”

    No wonder she finally decided to date him!

  174. Paperback Rifler
    January 24th, 2008 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    And a heaping helping of “meh”:

    Hi & Lois: And I’m guessing the Superman underwear is super absorbent so that the wearer can go through the day with the confidence and assurance that he or she will not have to deal with embarrassing leaks. Good call, Ditto.

    Dennis the Menace: Dennis is having an argument with his teddy bear. That could be either completely unmenacing (in a “being imaginative with his toys” kind of way) or extremely menacing (in a “hearing voices and being psychotic” kind of way). It’s a judgement call.

    Mark Trail: Grammar tip, Mark — that should be whom. I understand that someone is trying to kill you; but seriously, if you’re going to have just one word in boldface, then you might as well make sure that that one word is grammatically correct.

    Judge Parker: So Steve Shannon is looking for a job, but he doesn’t really need money. Good to know. He also wears leg prostheses, but he doesn’t really need legs anyway since it looks like Gloria has legs enough for both of them. Yowza!

    Marmaduke: Hey, hey kids! It’s time to play, “What’s Wrong with this Picture?” You may choose one of the answers below:

    A. People don’t pull sleds. Dogs pull sleds. Next thing you know, those kids will be doing other things that dogs are known to do, like chasing cars, or scent-marking every fire hydrant in town, or eating crap out of the cat box.
    B. Didn’t they previously have three kids rather than two?
    C. Marmaduke is consenting to a sled ride rather than indulging in his usual activity of killing and devouring everything that moves, including birds, squirrels, cats, dogs, people, and aircraft.

    Have you made your choice? Well, surprise! The answer is actually “D”!

    D. Those insolent kids forgot to bring to King Marmaduke his robe and crown! For that inexcusable breach of protocol, Marmaduke will devour the children, their friends, and the families of all the devoured children as well as all families within a fifty mile radius for good measure.

    Mythtickle: (http://www.gocomics.com/mythtickle/2008/01/24/) I was actually surprised that the third panel did not reveal the “challenge” to be joining the Jungle Patrol.

    And speaking of the Jungle Patrol, I started the following the first thing this morning. It was pretty sketchy in the beginning, and over the course of the morning, it didn’t really get any better. Oh, well. Apologies to They Might Be Giants, to everyone who likes “Particle Man” by They Might Be Giants, to all recent enlistees of the Jungle Patrol, and to everybody everywhere:

    Jungle Patrol, Jungle Patrol,
    Watching the jungle, gathering tolls.
    What’s it like? God only knows.
    Jungle Patrol.

    Who’s in the squad is anyone’s guess;
    But would they enlist a peeved ex-waitress?
    Or a cop who’s bored out of her head?
    God only knows.
    Jungle Patrol.

    Chancellor Kohl, Chancellor Kohl —
    Chancellor Kohl hates Jungle Patrol.
    They have a fight — Helmut Kohl wins.
    Jungle Patrol.

    Ghost-Who-Walks, Ghost-Who-Walks,
    Purple tights and orthopedic socks;
    Sometimes he’ll punch, but mostly talks.
    Ghost-Who-Walks.

    He hangs out with his pygmy crew
    And makes them do work that he wouldn’t do.
    He makes them clean his elephant’s poo.
    What a lum-mox. Ghost-Who-Walks.

    Stripey Butt, Stripey Butt,
    In the jungle is where he will strut.
    Has a certain “I-don’t-know-what.”
    Stripey Butt.

    Has he been there for four hundred years?
    Did he kick pirates in their rears?
    Or did he punch them in the gut?
    Is he a nut? Stripey Butt.

    Chancellor Kohl, Chancellor Kohl —
    Chancellor Kohl hates Jungle Patrol.
    They have a fight — Helmut Kohl wins.
    Jungle Patrol.

  175. John C Jungle Patrol
    January 24th, 2008 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    MT – “Before I start shooting back?” You mean Mark Trail carries a gun? Since when? Crikey, why even bother with The Fist? Geez, Mark, just start shootin’ guys.

    Did I miss something? Did he make a big show out of packing a gun before taking off? Is this Johnny Malotte’s boat? Does it come equipped with loaded fire arms? Crap, I give up. I’m joining the Jungle Patrol!

  176. jungle patrolperson lesles
    January 24th, 2008 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    #171 – Perky Jungle Bird – maybe they’re navigating up jungle rivers or hanging out around jungle coastlines. i’m certain i’ve seen old stripey speedos staring ntently out of the jungle at pirates frolicing on the beach before. but also, as The Phantom is seeming even less concerned with reality these days than it has historically, thar pirates could have land-ships like in Hyperion, or flying ships like in Stardust.

  177. gh of the jungle patrol?
    January 24th, 2008 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    Wait. If I quit work, where all I do is “work,” does that mean I can only join the “jungle patrol” and fight “pirates?” Do you think they’d mind if I use their ship to pick up my dry cleaning?

  178. gagott68
    January 24th, 2008 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    Oh way oh way oh way oh-way oh ah oh oh oh
    Oh way oh way oh way oh-way oh ah oh oh oh

    Phantom’s wife
    Your story’s going nowhere
    With your friends – Jungle Patrol
    Quit your job
    You ride along while whisp’ring to the forest
    Monkey business in a secret waterfall

    Phantom’s wife
    Your badge is now a token
    Native beat you walk along
    Such a sight
    You’re mired with a life, you want to die
    I sit and wonder does the mis’ry get to you?

    This arc bites
    Ghost who annoys us, Ghost who annoys us
    It’s not right
    Ghost who annoys us, Ghost who annoys us
    This arc bites
    Ghost who annoys us, Ghost who annoys us, urgh

    Tarzan Boy Baltimora

  179. Red Greenback, Lady Cop
    January 24th, 2008 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    Since all the plum positions on the Jungle Patrol were filled by my fellow Mudges, I could not in good conscience continue my lucrative Piratin’ career. I tried to join the Jungle Patrol, but alas, there were no openings. I saw a new job opening and jumped right into it, and I gotta tellya, this gig is SWEET! The only drawback so far is the falsies give me a rash from hell.

  180. Uncle Lumpy of the Jungle Patrol
    January 24th, 2008 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    Officer Hawa was chasing her bliss
    Writing jaywalking tickets to billionaire Swiss.
    When she realized she was becoming a scold
    And decided to check out the Jungle Patrol.

    Coffee-shop Kay did the waitressing thing –
    If you gave her your order, that’s just what she’d bring.
    She could tell her career wasn’t good for her soul
    So she thought she’d look into the Jungle Patrol.

    Oh, the Jungle Patrol is a marvelous place
    Where a gal can fight crime with a smile on her face –
    Face it – waiting on tables and traffic control
    Can never compare with the Jungle Patrol!

  181. odinthor
    January 24th, 2008 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    Supermarket Wagons — I have heard of shopping carts being referred to as wagons exactly once in my life. Well, not exactly as “wagons”… but, um, well . . . Once upon a time, my mother happened to be in the check-out line in a supermarket next to a retired persons community. The tiny elderly person preceding her in line finished paying for her delicacies and announced to the cashier, “I vant a vagon!“. “Huh?” said the cashier, regarding her with alarm and confusion. The box-boy–that was when we still had box-boys–grabbing a stray empty cart and giving it to the now-pleased woman, responded, with cool confidence, “She vants a vagon!”.

  182. Tonio
    January 24th, 2008 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    The weird Oedipal thing in “Momma” might work better if the target was Thomas instead of Francis, because with Thomas the theme seems to be “No (other) woman will ever be good enough for my darling little boy.”

  183. redliner
    January 24th, 2008 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    MW: Today’s strip confirms my suspicion that this meeting was actually suggested by California Public Health officials. Getting together with an ex-boyfriend out of the blue and staring at him with a face of vast discomfort, searching for words? Vera is totally about to disclose a venereal disease. I’m hoping for a PSA about syphilis.

  184. GotFuzzy JunglePatrol
    January 24th, 2008 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    Paperback Rifler, you have been on fire with the parodies this week! And covering such a wide variety of artists, too.

    A3G: How many days are we going to have to spend going over this? Tommie, you’re dull as dishwater. Lu Ann, you’re a doormat. OK, let’s move it on over to BAR where we can see Margo ram her ovipositor down Alan’s throat!

    Doonesbury: I’m ashamed to say that I had forgotten about Toggle’s injuries. I’m curious to see where will this will go, but like a lot of the other mudges I’m betting Lynn will get schooled on how to present a character with communication issues.

    FOOB: HOW DOES IRIS KNOW JIM’S THOUHGTS? Sorry for the shouting, but this is driving me nuts.

    FW: Batiuk just hates all of his characters, doesn’t he?

    H&L: I guess all cartoonists think that we are what we underwear.

    I?GT: Andrew does look like he could use a Dagwood-style sandwich, but what the hell is that in front of him? Whatever it is, I hope it does not reproduce with the zombie in panel 3.

    MT: Resorting to firearms? We can tell who’s not wearing his superhero undies…

  185. Dicky
    January 24th, 2008 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    Zits: Why is this touching scene occurring right outside of the station? Walt drove Connie there with her in her bathrobe so she could handle the situation?? She could get hauled in for indecent exposure maybe. At the very least disturbing the peace or noise violation if it’s really that early in the morning.

    Luann: Well we all know how this will turn out: TJ goes on date with Toni. Brad stews over possible outcomes of date. TJ tries to hook up Toni with Brad. TJ comes back in record time, but Brad still gives third degree. Brad refuses to listen to TJ and vengefully has his way with TJ. TJ discovers his masochistic side previously covered by his apparent sadism and continues to “date” Toni for more “violence” with Brad…… I think he’s have more luck with Toni’s ex. What’s his name? Biff?

    Blondie: Those voice recognition menus never really work. You have to repeat the key over and over again, which is a much better joke than today’s Blondie. At least it ends in broken despair rather than a light burn.

    Candorville: Uh, why is Roxanne apologizing? I have never really understood why she wants Lemont around. Yes, they’re affianced but it’s not like that really means anything. She seems to have this sort of resentment toward him which has never really been explained.

    Lio: I know that he’s a kid, but there are so many other places that would be better to go if you could astral project yourself. Just about anything without rides would work: Sea World, any zoo, San Diego Wild Animal Park, any aquarium, Busch Gardens. Is Disneyland still so praised even with its exorbitant ticket prices and relatively slow changing of attractions and its marketing blitz removing older attractions to retool them with their current movies and merchandise?

  186. Jungle Patrol Emperor Chennux®™©
    January 24th, 2008 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    ATTENTION EARTHERS! EVEN THE NON-JUNGLE ONES! CHENNUX SPEAKS!

    EVEN CHENNUX KNOWS A GOOD IDEA WHEN HE SEES ONE! BUT WHICH JUNGLE WILL CHENNUX PARTOL? THERE ARE SO MANY! BLACKBOARD! THE MEAT PACKING INDUSTRY!THE JUNGLE MENTIONED IN THE THEME TO MONK! SO MANY JUNGLES, SO LITTLE GALACTIC EMPEROR TO GO AROUND! HAHA!

    END TRANSMISSION!

  187. Allie Jungle Cat, Patrolling
    January 24th, 2008 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    #181 Odinthor – I worked as a cashier all through high school and college, so I’ve heard them called carts, buggies and wagons. They’re also a lot of fun to ride thru the parking lot at closing time, and I did my fair share of that. Buggy seems to be Southern, Wagon is Northern and Cart is Neutral – YMMV.

    Phantom – never read it, never will (see also Prince Valiant, Crock, Prickly City, et al) – but this Jungle Patrol sounds shirt-worthy.

    Luann It would seem that Greg Evans has just discovered “Three’s Company” – a zany sitcom set in the 70′s where sexual tension, poorly timed eavesdropping and double entendre collide to create some wacky fun and good times.

    Not to be confused with “Good Times” – another sitcom set in the 70′s – arguably a better show, but not nearly as wacky. And with remarkably fewer actual good times.

  188. Uncle Lumpy of the Jungle Patrol
    January 24th, 2008 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    “Hey, Diana!”, said Hawa and Kay with a grin –
    We are off to the Jungle Patrol — are you in?
    “Oh, I fear that I’ve got to do damage control:
    “Life’s not all beer and skittles at Jungle Patrol.”

    “Sure, you’re wielding machetes and riding in jeeps
    “And busting the chops of nefarious creeps,
    “But it’s dangerous work, and I’d say, on the whole,
    “It’s a pretty tough life in the Jungle Patrol!

    “Join the Jungle Patrol if you’re brave and you dare –
    “Just recall what I said, “It’s a jungle out there!”
    “But if life filled with danger and risk is your goal
    “A gal could do worse than the Jungle Patrol!

  189. Jungle Scherzo
    January 24th, 2008 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    I guess a Jungle Pirate could possibly pirate a Jungle Supply Caravan, but it seems like that might make too much Jungle sense.

  190. Loopina
    January 24th, 2008 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    #38: Here in Pittsburghland, they call shopping carts “buggies”. I have no idea why, and it took a few times for me to figure out what the H people were talking about.

    Peace out, y’all! I’m going to eat a sandwich, watch some tv, take a nap, then I’m going to join Jungle Patrol!

  191. willethompson, jungle patrol
    January 24th, 2008 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    Jungle Patrolers, advance!
    No minding the snakes or the ants!
    It’s not the enjoyment
    of patroling employment -
    I just wanna wear purple-striped pants.

  192. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    January 24th, 2008 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    I know we never talk about Willy & Ethel on this site, but I just wanted to point out that today, it looks as though Willy is eating a bowl of hard boiled eggs.

    http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2008/1/24&name=Willy_n_Ethel

  193. Tweeks_Jungle_Patrol
    January 24th, 2008 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    Oh what the heck, I’m down. I came in too late for Aldomania, I don’t wanna miss Jungle Patrol mania.

  194. Hank
    January 24th, 2008 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    RE: Judge Parker I’m no expert on military disability benefits law, but most forms of disability payments are predicated on the assumption that the recipient is unable to get work. So maybe Steve is turning down a salary because he’s involved in some sort of complicated fraud on the federal government?

  195. gleeb
    January 24th, 2008 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    185, re Candorville: I believe Roxanne resents Darrin Bell, who writes her as a screeching harridan.

  196. Carter
    January 24th, 2008 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    Regarding your article:

    I’ve always thought that the history of the internet could be entirely read from the stages of http://www.com

  197. bats, Avian Division of Jungle Patrol :[
    January 24th, 2008 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Now, all we have to do is sit back, get warm, and have Lee hunt us down:
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/2216298491/

  198. jungle patrolperson lesles
    January 24th, 2008 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    re spermarket thingies with wheels: the standard here in aus is “shopping trolley”. very occaisionally, “shopping cart”. and often whilst in operation, “you bloody mongrel”. i’ve never ever heard thenm referred to as wagons.

  199. des olu
    January 24th, 2008 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    Is that the cook’s arm or were the Jungle girls having lunch with “Thing” on ‘Roids, when they were so rudely interrupted?

  200. AhClem, Jungle Patrol Bozo
    January 24th, 2008 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    “Do you know what I’m thinking right now, Iris? I’m thinking want to escape this Patterfoob hellhole and join the Jungle Patrol. Maybe I can’t walk or talk, but at least I can swing from the trees with dignity. C’mon, April, let’s blow this joint. Boxcar!”

  201. gagott68
    January 24th, 2008 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft: Where did he get that many hairdryers. I’m sure that will end well.

    FW: Almost funny but of course he had to do a wry smirk at the end.

  202. Toronto
    January 24th, 2008 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    Start beatin’ the drums
    I’m leaving today
    I want to be a part of it
    Jungle Patrol!
    These waitressing shoes
    Are longing to stray
    Make a rain for’st start of it
    Jungle Patrol!
    I want to wake up in the tribe that lives in trees
    To find I’m king of the beasts, Cheeta’s main squeeze!

    These civilized blues
    Are melting away
    I’ll make a Phantom start of it
    Jungle Patrol!
    If I survive out there
    I’ll survive anywhere
    It’s up to you
    Jun-
    Gle-
    Pat-
    Rollllllll!

  203. Eric the Baker
    January 24th, 2008 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    #190 Loopina: while you’re at it, you’d better ‘red up’ your house too, it’s a mess…
    don’t be so ‘nebby’, I’ll tell ya how I know. I was born and raised in da Burgh.

  204. jungle patrolperson lesles
    January 24th, 2008 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    #202 Toronto – nicely done. should’ve known it was a mudge composed that drill song. got to say, though that little quick-step bits tricky to master in full kit

  205. Spanky the Jungle Patrol Chinchilla
    January 24th, 2008 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    This may have been answered already, but in case not —

    To # 17, What kind of boat is that?

    Some canoe manufacturers do make “square stern” (aka “flatback”) canoes so that an outboard motor can be mounted on the canoe. For example see: http://www.directboats.com/20ba160sqstc.html

  206. Marthas Rolling Pin
    January 24th, 2008 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    A couple of extensions of the Finger Pointing Cathy rule:

    Do not read any Luann if you see T.J.
    Do not read any 9CL if you see Thorax.

    Much pain can be avoided thereby.

  207. Pedant Patrol Jungle Patrol
    January 24th, 2008 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    You think you’re so droll
    With your Jungle Patrol
    Could you handle a troll?
    Or a trool on parole?
    I’ll make it my goal
    To wrest back control
    Of my role that you stole
    No matter the toll.
    So “eye on the hole”
    When you’re out for a stroll –
    You’d better not mess with
    Pedant Jungle Pedant!! Jungle Patrol!

    Damn! When’s my break?

  208. Joe Blevins
    January 24th, 2008 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    I admire “The Phantom” for boldly eschewing not its stripey-assed title character/sole reason for existence BUT ALSO anything even remotely resembling action, adventure or excitement in favor of women talking calmly in a restaurant for days on end.

    Just imagine how much cooler My Dinner With Andre would have been if it had ended with Wallace Shawn saying, “Thcrew thith, Andre, I’m joining Jungle Patrol!” and then running out of the restaurant, flailing his arms about.

  209. Poteet of the Jungle Patrol
    January 24th, 2008 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    # 86 ChattyGenes and #

  210. Marthas Rolling Pin
    January 24th, 2008 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    #168 Gabacho, YESSS!! I recently decided to try Brenda Starr again for old time’s sake, and I’m hooked. Characters in all shapes, sizes, and shades of gray, just livin’ their stories.

  211. Poteet of the Jungle Patrol
    January 24th, 2008 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    # 209 — Well, that was really special. Sorry. As I was about to say, good point, ChattyGenes. And # 88 Mr. O’Malley, thanks for pointing that out. But please, please, don’t tell Rex and Niki. I’m really hoping they’ll either die from hypothermia or get shot by Doc Ock, who is really taking his time about finding that cabin, dammit.

  212. commodorejohn
    January 24th, 2008 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    9CL – Still chuckleworthy, although Edda looks a little weird in panel one. I guess even Brooke messes up that Battlefield Earth tilted-camera thing sometimes, even with all the practice he gets at it.

    Archie – Judging by the controller, I’d say he’s playing a Sega Master System. I guess that’s supposed to be James ‘Buster’ Douglas Knockout Boxing.

    BB – Okay, this had to have different dialogue originally.

    FOOB – Yet another FOOB constant: April is the only one who gives a shit about her grandfather.

    Garfield – I did not just see that.

    JP – Why is Sam gradually morphing into Clark Kent?

    MT – Best. First. Panel. Ever.

    Marmaduke – Not quite as terrifying as yesterday, but still damn frightening.

    RMMD – What the hell is Cully Vale doing in panel four!?

    SM – “And then he’ll put a hit out on Godero. It sucks to be him, but hey, Spider-Man’s gotta have fun somehow.

    Edison Lee – Maternal Lee, Dr. Spock is what produced mush-brains like John Hambrock. You don’t want to use anything like him, okay?

  213. Marthas Rolling Pin
    January 24th, 2008 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    123 teegee: Tee Hee!! Never thought I’d see a Copperhead Road parody here!

  214. VoVat
    January 24th, 2008 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    So ALF has gone into the grocery business? I guess he needs to make a living somehow, since his talk show failed.

  215. Tili
    January 24th, 2008 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    Uncle Lumpy #180: Oh man, that’s hilarious. I especially love the first 2 lines of the last stanza.

  216. Bunnë of the Jungle Patrol
    January 24th, 2008 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    MW: I’m eager to find out what’s going on with Vera… which is dangerous in Mary Worth land. It’ll be spring thaw in Alberta before we find out why Vera called Drew.

    But I’m hoping for something like “I’m just looking for someone to co-sign a loan,” or “I’ve got a new job, and I’m just here to serve you with a subpoena, “I’ve been diagnosed with syphilis and need to contact all past suitors.”

    And yes, I too have joined the jungle patrol. I bet I’m tougher than a jungle pirate. Now, “jungle pirate,” *that* really sounds like a euphemism.

  217. JunGabe Patrol
    January 24th, 2008 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    Man, Mary Worth only LOOKS to becoming exciting, I’m sure Vera’s big reveal is she got a new boyfriend or something.

  218. Sans Sense, Jungle Patrol Admin Specialist II
    January 24th, 2008 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    Let’s get back to some semblance of reality here. Neither Kay nor Officer Hawa have completed a Form 590(c) Standard Jungle Patrol Application for training and employment nor have any routine background checks been performed. Further complicating matters we here at the Whispering Grove Administrative Facility (WGAF) have been informed that a Form 628(c)(2) which opposes the employment of Officer Hawa and Kay has been or is about to be filed by a senior official within the Jungle Patrol. Specifically mentioned were subsections 8(f) “Hot chicks detrimental to all male patrols” and 22(d) “inexperienced dreaming ninnies who are NOT tougher than pirates.” Speculation is that these forms have been filed by the same senior official who ALWAYS files them (but has sway with the Unknown Commander…M-kay?).

    It is the human side of me that hopes they can get their Plugger day jobs back.

  219. ohyes, it's jungle patrol
    January 24th, 2008 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    What concerns me is a premonition that the lovely waitress joining the jungle patrol will at some point end up in jungle bondage. And we’ll hardly see it.

  220. Kurdt
    January 24th, 2008 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    I’m jumping on the Jungle Patrol wagon too! Wheee!!!
    I can’t wait to beat up some native peoples and get bitten by poisonous snakes!
    Oh and get some hot hot blonde ex-waitress lovin.
    Also from hot hot lady cops.

  221. Secret Santa
    January 24th, 2008 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    194 # Hank, RE: Judge Parker. Great points. VA disability tables were compiled when we were an agrarian nation (can the veteran work a farm?) and need to be dragged into the 21st century. The pensions are not anywhere near what a seasoned lawyer could make. The VA provides around $2600 per month for a 100% disabled vet supporting one parent… and that assumes that the VA gave him 100%.

  222. Mr. Royalty
    January 24th, 2008 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    Momma is obviously not an important cocker spaniel. But she is the same size as one and now I have to decide which is worse: incest or bestiality. Great.

  223. cheech wizard
    January 24th, 2008 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    RM – “The money’s all gone, Nicki. Fortunately, I have more at home. Which you do not. Don’t let me catch you with independent means ever again.”

  224. Saluki of the Shawnee National Jungle
    January 24th, 2008 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    Trudeau used this technique before in the 70′s. He had a couple then adopt a baby girl from Vietnam who, being a baby, couldn’t speak. Like Toggle she was used to give the one line thought balloon to end the strip in the third panel. I’ve always liked the way Trudeau does this.

    I’ve also seen it with Phred the Viet Cong on occasion (“Shoot me?!”).

    As a side note when the little girl did start talking her first words were “Hold the pickles hold the lettuce”.

  225. Alt Comix
    January 24th, 2008 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    I’ve updated some new comix of Judge Parker and Mary Worth, but I’ve been having trouble for the past few days posting the URL’s to this messageboard. You can see the new ones if you cut and paste this URL into your browser:

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/altcomix

    Thanks!

  226. Paul1963
    January 24th, 2008 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    Ah, yes, let’s all join the Jungle Patrol…because, you know, Kay’s pedestrian job waiting tables at a diner in Bangalla, The African Nation That Looks Like Toronto, is such a terrible ordeal that a job where she could potentially be raped and murdered (not necessarily in that order) by ivory poachers or pirates or jewel thieves and her body left to be eaten by scavengers actually looks like a better option…

    Whenever Momma comes up, I’m glad it no longer appears in my hometown paper. There was at least one paperback collection of the strip back in the ’70s that contained one where Thomas (the older son, who is married with a child) says he wishes he had a room that was just for him (or something to that effect)…and Momma replies, “Oh, I know just the place! It still has all your old airplane models and everything…”
    So, just to review The World According to Sonya Hobbs:
    No man is good enough for her daughter unless he’s a doctor. Even then, spending any time alone together is strictly forbidden.
    No woman is good enough for her youngest son, who, by the way, is a lazy bum who should get off his ass and find a high-paying executive-type job (even though sleeping all day in an apartment ankle-deep in trash seems to be about all he’s qualified for).
    Her oldest son should immediately leave his wife and child and move back in with his mother, where she can smother and castrate him. Oh, yes, and make him paint her closets, which she seems to want done weekly.

  227. Paul1963
    January 24th, 2008 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    #224 Saluki of the Shawnee Jungle– Fun Doonesbury fact: The Vietnamese baby you mentioned was named “Kim Rosenthal” by her adoptive parents. She is now all grown up and married to Mike Doonesbury, who she met when they both worked for the same software company in the ’90s.

  228. Sandy
    January 24th, 2008 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    I am interested in joining the Jungle Patrol, but I don’t have a nametag. Can I still join? If I whip my cubicle nameplate at my boss’s head, will that still count as Jungle Patrol initiation? Please advise.

  229. Scrog, J.P.
    January 24th, 2008 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    226 Paul1963: “Paint her closets,” eh?

  230. fizzy logic, belatedly joining the jungle patrol party
    January 24th, 2008 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    Hey, everybody, wait for me! I’ve got a, um, uh, water bottle that I can bring along to the patrol party….damn, why am I always so late to these things? All the good patrol spots are taken, I bet.

  231. Anna Nimity of the Jungle Patrol
    January 24th, 2008 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    205: Spanky the Jungle Patrol Chinchilla: You get my vote for best Jungle Patrol handle!

  232. Alfred E. Neuman, Jungle Patrol Reject
    January 24th, 2008 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    #116 AhClem
    John Cleese, I feel your pain!
    All that crummy Jungle Patrol does is harass poor teenagers who are on solo car dates.

  233. commodorejohn
    January 24th, 2008 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    #222 Mr. Royalty – Well, Momma has dabbled in that before as well: http://joshreads.com/?p=819

  234. Juggle Patrol
    January 24th, 2008 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    Oh, Jungle Patrol. I thought we were supposed to fight off the mimes. Sorry!

  235. Uncle Lumpy of the Jungle Patrol
    January 24th, 2008 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    #228 Sandy –

    That’s a creative solution to the nametag problem — just the sort of forward thinking the Jungle Patrol needs, by gum!

    But don’t you think you’d be happier in the desert patrol? (Of course, if this is about Crock, everyone will understand.)

  236. Niall
    January 24th, 2008 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    Thanks to everyone for the good wishes on my travel.

    Indeed, I got very, very lucky, and my flight left earlier than the late departure they had announced (but later than original schedule), and my connection was about 20 minutes late, leaving me with just enough time to catch the shuttle, having staff call ahead to let them know I was coming – good thing, they were able to hold the flight this way. I was shoved into the plane and we arrived at the original arrival schedule.

    Problem: I had told my friend who was supposed to pick me up and host me for the night before going to the hotel, that I was probably staying the night at O’Hare, and that she could get a good night’s sleep. I had no time at O’Hare to call her, and the plane’s phones (757) were no longer working. I called her from San Jose – I think she had turned her cell phone off. Calls not returned, always going to the voice mail. I was brainfried enough to take a taxi (8 miles) to her place – which was a gated community, not an apartment building like I’m used to when I see “Apt. #x”. California… I tried the directory number, and it rang to.. her cell phone. AUGH! Doesn’t anyone in California have land lines anymore?? Literally so close, and yet so far… I couldn’t knock on her door without trespassing – and they take that seriously here.

    Thankfully, I had the number for the friends I was staying with past the weekend, who actually answered the phone and rescued me despite being half an hour away. Bonus: My first friend had to be at the hotel for 8am, but my current friends are heading in at 3pm. So I slept in!! And they have cats. :)

    So I’m vegging out… veggies.. FOOOD…. yeah, I didn’t get to eat at O’Hare, and as the second flight was departing past 8pm, they didn’t have any stock of food choices. I pleaded for any solid food.. and they had PRETZELS! But that’s all I had other than a few snacks at a 7-11 while being stranded. I’m fairly ravenous now…

  237. kingklash
    January 24th, 2008 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    Jungle Patrol, in color!
    A Quinn Martin Production.

  238. Sans Sense, Jungle Patrol Admin Specialist II
    January 24th, 2008 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    237. kingklash

    Starring Christopher George with a special guest appearance by Mike Connors as “Lagash”

  239. biiirdmaaan!
    January 24th, 2008 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

    # 33 kodijack: I am a tad pissed that Judge Parker moved on so quick.

    Didn’t think I would live to see the day someone would say that unironically.

  240. Inspector Lookout of the Jungle Patrol
    January 24th, 2008 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    #97

    The fifh rule of Jungle Patrol
    No Poofters

    There is no rule 6

  241. cheech wizard
    January 24th, 2008 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    “Joining the Jungle Patrol” sounds like “going commando.” So the waitress and lady cop are going to have to get in line behind Abbey and all the other women in Judge Parker.

  242. RoboMax
    January 24th, 2008 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    Momma: The bizarre Oedipal overtones don’t bother me half as much as the fact that the whole strip looks like something drawn by a blind person with raw meat for hands.

    God, I’d be all over a jungle patrol shirt.

  243. GotFuzzy JunglePatrol
    January 24th, 2008 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    Rule No. 4 of Jungle Patrol:

    I don’t want to catch anyone not drinking.

  244. AhClem of the J.P.
    January 24th, 2008 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    MW – I’m surprised nobody has mentioned this yet (or if they did, I missed it).

    Vera called Drew to tell him that she is …
    (all together now…)
    … joining the Jungle Patrol!

  245. Hooray For Socks in the Jungle!
    January 24th, 2008 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    #243 Got Fuzzy –

    I solemnly swear I will never break Rule #4.

  246. Lindsey of the Juggle Petrol Society
    January 24th, 2008 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    Mw: Ok, this might be stating the obvious. Drew Corey is SO DUMB. And that’s all I have to say about that.

    Jp: Are you sure this new recruit’s last name isn’t Patterson? He’s seemingly a bit on the “saintly” side.

    A-3g: I really don’t have much to say about this that hasn’t already been said… but is this comic written by a man, or a women with very, very bad feeling towards her own gender? I mean, come on. Nobody is going to buy that Alan kissing another girl was acceptable by any means and Lu Ann is overreacting.

    I’ve finally added The Phantom to my long list of daily comics thanks to the awesomeness of the Jungle Patrol. I still refuse to add Luann. Is Luann worth adding? All it seems to me is junk about some whiny teenage girl and her many love interests. You guys convinced me to add Gil Thorp a couple of months back, maybe you can convince me to give Luann a shot.

    I also added Pibgorn, but I have no idea what it’s about or what’s going on. Anyone care to explain?

  247. cheech wizard
    January 24th, 2008 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    Then again, screw the Jungle Patrol! These two should join the militia of Gen. Butt Naked (http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/africa/01/21/liberia.general.ap/ ) It would sure make this strip a hell of a lot more interesting.

  248. Mel, Official Anagrammer of the Jargon Pullet
    January 24th, 2008 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    I do believe we need a Secret JP Handshake — The Shocker? Or something less refined?

  249. Officer Gregoire, Jungle Patrol (a Quinn Martin Production)
    January 24th, 2008 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    168 Brenda Starr

    Dorkita is what I called my sister when we were kids.

  250. Evade Dave
    January 24th, 2008 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    Seriously? Everything purchased in one trip to the store ends up in the same dish? Biff Biceps is going to eat peanut-butter-napkin sandwiches? Clearly it is you who needs to be put in a home, hopefully before you go out and buy orange juice, eggs, and Drano.

  251. Officer Gregoire, Jungle Patrol (a Quinn Martin Production)
    January 24th, 2008 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    Brenda Starr

    wait a minute…is it supposed to be Dorita? some strips say one, and some say the other. or is it just a mean nickname? and why am I worried?

    http://www.comicspage.com/comicspage/main.jsp?file=20080120csbsr-s-p.jpg&refresh_content=1&component_id=3&custid=69&catid=1147&dir=%2Fbrendastarr

  252. Brick Bradford of the Space Jungle Patrol
    January 24th, 2008 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    Have I missed it, or has no one stated what the big plot development in Mary Worth (which ought to be revealed sometime around Midsummer’s Eve ) is? Clearly, Vera is leaving to join the Jungle Patrol! Too bad they won’t let her wear that dazzling purple down coat, though.

  253. cheech wizard
    January 24th, 2008 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    246/Lindsay of JPS – Pibgorn is a wood fairie, Drusilla is a succubus. There’s a pretty good overview on Wikipedia if you’re completely new to the strip.

    Pibgorn and Drusilla are trapped in some kind of virtual reality created by an old codger scientist who’s using their magic as an energy source. Their real-world presence has been reduced to a transparent naked figure tied up spread-eagled in the codger’s lab.

    Originally, the transparent figure was Pib but Dru got sucked into it tar-baby style when she tried to rescue her and now it looks more like Dru. As a result, Pib is now inside Dru’s head in the virtual reality world.

    People in the virtual reality world keep getting killed off but they immediately come back to life, a la “Riverworld.” It’s not clear why this happens but the conflicts may be the codger’s way of tricking the magic folk into discharging their powers so he can tap their energy.

    Both Pib and Dru are in love with Geoff, a church organist who was last seen back in June, left naked in the great outdoors. Presumably he’s still hiding in the bushes somewhere.

  254. Stomper
    January 24th, 2008 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    If I’m hiring for the Jungle Patrol, I want officers who demonstrate judgment, initiative, and dependability. After all, those officers are working with little supervision.

    In short, I wouldn’t hire a waitress who walks out in the middle of her shift. If she’s really hot, though, I might not tell her that right away.

  255. Mibbitmaker
    January 24th, 2008 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

    Aw, I shoulda kept the “Mibbit Patrol” thingy.

  256. Shmork
    January 24th, 2008 at 8:14 pm [Reply]

    This page has over 100 instances of the phrase “Jungle Patrol.” That’s pretty scary.

  257. Anna Nimity of the Jungle Patrol
    January 24th, 2008 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

    Shmork: that fact that you actually counted them is REALLY scary!

  258. Captain Thunder of the Jungle Patrol
    January 24th, 2008 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

    Rule 3 of Jungle Patrol:

    When the bottle’s empty, the Patrol is over.

  259. zonker1984
    January 24th, 2008 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

    She’s not even big enough to be a cocker spaniel. She’s more like an important toy poodle. And apparently as noisy and bitchy as one too.

  260. Carly
    January 25th, 2008 at 12:33 am [Reply]

    So are there going to be Jungle Patrol t-shirts? Because I would like to proudly declare that I am tougher than waitresses (exception: Buffy when she was working as a waitress) and lady cops.

  261. Lt. Deena, MSN, LCSW, Phd, FOS in Jungle Patrol
    January 25th, 2008 at 12:54 am [Reply]

    Schmork-

    You think that’s bad…you should see the *next* thread….

  262. Bunnë of the Jungle Patrol
    January 25th, 2008 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    #224 Saluki of the Shawnee National Jungle
    Trivia: the little adopted Vietnamese girl is Kim Rosenthal, now married to Mike.

  263. Sully
    January 25th, 2008 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    How did Momma give birth to her slovenly offspring anyway? Has anyone else noticed that the poor woman consists of only a head with feet? Who was the father, Todd Browning?

  264. Gold-Digging, Jungle-Patrolling Nanny
    January 25th, 2008 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

    186 Jungle Patrol Emperor Chennux — Not to mention Asphalt.

    *awkward silence*

    Krugerrand?

  265. OtherOpus
    January 26th, 2008 at 12:30 am [Reply]

    #11 commodorjohn: It probably speaks both to my priorities and my age that I assumed at first that Shaft was short for Crankshaft. I thought…. well, actually, I don’t think we need to go in to what I thought. Suffice that it was grotesque and upsetting in the extreme.

  266. Paul1963
    January 26th, 2008 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    #263 Sully–I’d actually be interested in Mell Lazarus doing a sequence in either of his strips showing how, in the shares universe of Momma and Miss Peach, people are born with adult-size heads and doll-size bodies, which they retain until puberty. At that point, they suddenly rocket to adult size. They remain at that size until menopause for women or age 50 for men, at which point they shrink down to dumpy 1.75-head-tall dwarves, which they remain until death.
    I figure the teens have to eat 10,000 calories a day to sustain themselves while they grow four feet in a month, and the post-childbearing-years adults probably have some similar alien biological process to sustain them while they spontaneously lose 3/4 of their body mass including bone and muscle (going from a 32″ inseam to a 6″ must be murder on the wardrobe).

    Why, yes, I have overthought this. Thanks for asking. Some other time, I’ll write a treatise on social dynamics in the world of Get Fuzzy, where it appears that all mammals have human-level intelligence and are capable of speech.

  267. Allison
    January 26th, 2008 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    For the record, I live in New York, was born in the 80s, have always called them wagons or carts, and have never once heard them referred to as buggies. It’s not a Scadutoism; it’s a the U.S. is a big place and sometimes we don’t all talk the same-ism.

  268. cheech wizard
    January 26th, 2008 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    266 – Er – I really don’t think Bucky and Satchel have human-level intelligence. That’s part of the gag.

  269. Christian
    January 28th, 2008 at 3:08 am [Reply]

    There actually is a world class red-headed skier by the name of Shaun White who does, in fact, have a signature red mane of hair. He actually won Olympic gold in 2006. That of course means that this Marvin joke is 2 years late. And the joke isn’t that funny anyway.

    By the way, Shaun White was recently arrested for setting of a fire extinguisher in a Colorado ski resort: http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2007/1219071tomato1.html

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