Metapost: I sing the body beefy
You may have noticed the new ad in the sidebar in which Mary Worth urges you to commission music cheaply. This ad was placed by faithful reader Les, and I’ve already taken advantage of the offer to have an experimental musical masterpiece created to my whim! I chose as Gil Thorp as the theme of my composition, obviously, and the result is stunning rendered here on YouTube with a Jack Berrill-era Gil staring into your very soul throughout.
Check out Les’s YouTube channel, podcast, and (when you’re ready to buy) Etsy site.
April 15th, 2008 at 7:58 pm
I’m scared.
April 15th, 2008 at 8:04 pm
This is me after experiencing Gil Thorp. I’ve evolved.
April 15th, 2008 at 8:05 pm
Repost from previous thread:
OH MY GOD. I was just reading through the site archives and, in an Apartment 3-G post for August of 2004, Josh made reference to “Luann’s studio’s ventilation problems.” Luann’s final confrontation with Ghost Albert Pinkham Ryder was in May of 2007. That storyline took nearly THREE YEARS to play out. I’ll never call Mary Worth “glacially-paced” again, ever.
April 15th, 2008 at 8:05 pm
Anyone else flashing back to some of the weirder boss battles in EarthBound? (…Anyone else PLAY EarthBound?)
April 15th, 2008 at 8:06 pm
Oh… oh god…
April 15th, 2008 at 8:14 pm
Holy crap, that Gil Thorp thing is like the intros to “Close To The Edge” and “One Of These Days” and EVP all mashed up together, on acid. I stand amazed.
April 15th, 2008 at 8:25 pm
When I hear the word beefy, I think of heavyset, not chiseled and statuesque as our stodgy Mr. Thorp. I think of my lovehandles after I eat too many fake-chicken soy chunks.
Ew, soy chunks. The wording alone is enough to make one hurl, though the chunks themselves may be very tasty…
That would make a fun theme for parody-style musical stylings. Alas, a picture of my credit card is hanging up with the A.P.B.s in the post office (along with my own– maybe). Otherwise my bucks would go to Josh before an online buckster, as when I’m not busy stripping and accosting people, I am humming all sorts of easily forgettable little ditties I made up all by my little lonesome self. le big grand aww…
Re: comment of the week– if I weren’t so beefy, I think I would have fallen out of my chair laughing, squealing, snorting, googing, practically hiccuping, crying a little, smiling tiny, and then ending laughing. For mysterious reasons of my own, which are mine, and i do thank all to let a woman keep some semblance of mystery with or without reason. Otherwise the bags could start collecting in your closets too… along with postcards from an insanely misunderstood Dutch woman.
Of course you don’t have to listen to your Auntie Shrew, but as for me, i don’t want to end up all Mary Worth-y, fagged out bagged and craggy.
Oh shit. I think I may have already done that.
April 15th, 2008 at 8:29 pm
No offense meant to buckstering of any kind. I can only reel in admiration at Les’ keen industry and initiative. I wish I could hear the song, but my computer is too slow for YouTube.
Kind of like the left side of my brain. damn plastic lung… oops-a-daisy.
April 15th, 2008 at 8:36 pm
My God … it’s full of stars!
April 15th, 2008 at 8:37 pm
#3 commodorejohn — For a brief, shining moment, I thought — nay, fervently prayed — that you were right. But the studio discussed in that musty old storyline was actually in the apartment building that the girls live in (and also own — did you know they owned the building?), whereas the haunted oxygen-deprived studio is somewhere else. It would be awesome if the foundations of this storyline had been laid years ago, but as usual that’s giving these strips way too much credit.
Josh
April 15th, 2008 at 8:39 pm
#8 The Naked Beefy Vegetarian Bandit (best username ever) – If you’re desperate to hear it (as you should be,) you can go to a YouTube downloader site, paste this link in the box (right click it and choose “copy link location,” or “copy shortcut” if you’re stuck using Internet Explorer,) then get yourself an FLV player – you may have to rename the downloaded file to end with a “.flv” extension, but after that you should be good to go.
April 15th, 2008 at 8:41 pm
I’m not sure that buckstering is the correct term. Are you thinking [erhaps of the English tradition of street performance known as busking? Though the traditoin may be traced back to Britain’s empire the theatrical torch has been bravely and boldly carried on in some areas of the United States, such as Washington Square Park in New York, and Harvard Square in Boston…
Unfortunately due to crowding of talent, the right to busk in Boston is strictly regulated… when you’re looking to entertain people there, you’re gonna need to have a license for that on hand.
April 15th, 2008 at 8:42 pm
#10 Josh – Ah drat, oh well. Still, Mary Worth went through about two and a half storylines in the time it took Rex and Niki to go on a
brokeback sabbatical“fishing trip,” so I suppose I should really save my critique for that.April 15th, 2008 at 8:52 pm
# 9 Jude — BWAHAHA! Thanks, I needed that. Especially since I can’t access the Gil Thorp composition. But that’s probably cosmic justice, since I don’t follow GT.
April 15th, 2008 at 8:57 pm
JP — Before Biff’s offhand comment fades into JP history, I just want to say that I’d really like to know exactly what killed those chickens, and I bet Biff and Elvira will never tell me. Not that I’m bitter.
April 15th, 2008 at 9:03 pm
Brokeback sabbatical– bwahahahahaha
p.s. thank you. i think i am blushing. and thanks for the IT tip, i’ll try it out.
That compliment was wayy too iportant to me. you have no idea… i will shine my new geeky dweeb badge every day. Even several times a day, if i can find enough shammies. I think it really needs the attention, if you get what i’m saying…
meanwhile, here i thought all i could ever dream of garnering for myself was a slut badge for kissing all those crazy irish-german grandmothers. well, one is practically enough… especially when the other one’s scots-irish, and you get to mix her scotch sours when you behave well enough like a demure little lady. which in some of our cases, i’m sure, was pretty rare.
but i digress– maybe i can actually see this video before the night is out. if not, it’s on to previous threads for me!
and blue martinis and then some tomatoes and broccoli (or pizza) and then a nap. for everybody. thatd be nice.
April 15th, 2008 at 9:08 pm
re #16: Boy, somebody really knows how to let ‘er rip… are you here for the airtime or for the comics?
Either way, you should pack a lunch and take that show on the road, kid.
Mwaheheheh. Who here reads Ann Landers? Ugh.
April 15th, 2008 at 9:11 pm
# 15 Poteet, my queen! The chickens probably died of old age waiting for a chance to be a part of the storyline.
Which is odd, because Abbey visited them only a day or two ago, strip-time, and Elvira was able to go grab up a chicken for her with no trouble at all. Maybe it was frozen but if it was, it sure didn’t take long to thaw out and cook.
WHY am I wondering about ANYTHING in Judge Parker? If I’m not writing it then it’s not going to make any fucking sense to me anyway.
Do you hear me, Woody?! MAKE. SENSE.
April 15th, 2008 at 9:18 pm
#10 – Josh: Own the apartment or the building? If they owned the building it would certainly explain why they never worry about money despite not really having a job. I mean, what does Margo do all day besides acting like a bitch? Occasionally show up to the gallery? Leave her catering business in the hands of her assistant? The woman’s a flake! Luann, who doesn’t have the brains to be a mannequin, can’t be bringing in tons of money with her painting job either. Only Tommie has a steady job, it seems, perhaps that’s why she’s almost never around.
April 15th, 2008 at 9:26 pm
#19 Tweaks — I’m pretty sure they actually own the building, through some kind of legal shenanigans (I think maybe they won it in a lawsuit against the former owners?) that happened just before I started reading the strip. Of course, you never see them doing anything even remotely landlord-y, but in the strips that commodorejohn referred to, there was some talk of “now that we own the building.” Since they live in Manhattan, they’re presumably charging staggering rents so as to subsidize their moronic adventures.
Josh
April 15th, 2008 at 9:33 pm
#20 – Josh: Then that only begs the question; if they own the entire building, why on God’s green Earth are they living in the same apartment? Seems like they could probably swing individual apartments, particularly if they evict that Aristotle oaf.
April 15th, 2008 at 9:38 pm
On a side note, it is possible that even though they own the building they did the smart thing and hired a property manager. That person deals with all the day to day stuff, they’d just collect a portion of the rent. Though I, for one, can’t imagine a better set of strips then Margo going around the building and collecting late rent checks.
April 15th, 2008 at 9:39 pm
#21 Tweeks Coffee – Because none of them could star in their own strip since just one girl in Apartment 3-G would look too much like Butterfield 8.
damn that Turner Classic Movies channel, anyway.
April 15th, 2008 at 9:46 pm
#20,#21They may well “own the building” in the same way as I “own my own home”, with a hefty mortgage and property taxes to pay. The no doubt need the rental income.
April 15th, 2008 at 10:15 pm
What happened to Christian Singles Girl? Perhaps they realized that running an ad on the same page as Sex and Corruption Girl wasn’t exactly reaching their target market.
April 15th, 2008 at 10:15 pm
I don’t know what I just watched but it shook me to my very core.
April 15th, 2008 at 10:28 pm
I tried to watch the video, but instead of music, the only sound that came through was a squealing noise like my car when the timing belt needed replaced. I watch YouTube stuff all the time, so I don’t think it’s a computer thing. Any ideas?
Oh, and also I have MRSA in my nose. Microbiology class involved all of us swabbing out our nostrils with cotton swabs and innoculating some culture plates. Mine turned yellow (out of 18 students, two were positive). What do I win?
April 15th, 2008 at 10:29 pm
Can I watch it a work Mr Josh? Can I?
April 15th, 2008 at 10:32 pm
#15 Poteet, #18 True Fable – A baby chupacabra got ‘em.
April 15th, 2008 at 10:35 pm
#27 Loopina – That is the music. This is what music sounds like in the kind of world that can give us this. Makes me wonder what “Tarzana Nights” sounds like.
April 15th, 2008 at 10:38 pm
#29 commodorejohn
Wouldn’t that be a chupapollo?
April 15th, 2008 at 10:45 pm
18. True Fable: Abbey was so wrecked on Elvira’s brownies, that chicken could’ve been made out of plaster and she wouldn’t have noticed (I’m not sure about Sam recognizing an art project when he sees one, but I don’t know if he ate much of it).
April 15th, 2008 at 10:49 pm
#30: OK, thanks – I thought it was like those ultrasonic cell phone rings that I can’t hear (because I’m old : (
That thing’s gonna give me nightmares for sure!
April 15th, 2008 at 11:01 pm
Aww. Ollie Johnston, the last of the Nine Old Men of Disney animation fame, died Monday. He was 95, which isn’t a bad run. He did the animation for Beethoven’s Pastoral in “Fantasia,” the waiter penguins in “Mary Poppins,” and gobs ‘n’ gobs of other animation goodness.
April 15th, 2008 at 11:03 pm
I don’t understand.
April 15th, 2008 at 11:22 pm
Some Humpday observations:
FOOB: sit down, Connie! Sit down, Connie! For God’s sake, Connie, sit down!
(shutting up would be good, too)
RMMD: A riot is an ugly thing…and I think it’s just about time we had one!
MT: in the first panel, Madeline promises to beat her puppy! How can the dog-nappers be any more cruel?
MW: and while Mary eavesdrops, everyone else in the corridor is diligently listening to the two jerks argue.
Yeah. That’s all I got.
April 15th, 2008 at 11:23 pm
#31 Big Sims – By golly, you’re right; guess my Spanish was too rusty to catch that. On the bright side, if True Fable’s still up he can deduce the Spanish word for Goat” (assuming he doesn’t already know.)
April 15th, 2008 at 11:39 pm
# 18 — Sir Fable MTK, now I remember, and you are correct! Which is tragic for both of us, because now we have killed some of our highly valuable brain cells thinking about the so-called JP “plot.” Why should we have to think about it when Woody obviously doesn’t? I think I’m bitter again.
# 29 commodorejohn — I like your theory, except that it might actually cause the plot to make more sense, which could blow the JP universe apart.
April 15th, 2008 at 11:40 pm
#29 commodorejohn – NOOOOOOO! Not the chupacabra!!
April 15th, 2008 at 11:46 pm
FBoFW Today Captain Connie Obvious not only tells Elly what she already knows and in fact, just told Connie yesterday, in panel two the good Captain yammers on about her step-grandchildren and then in a complete turnabout in panel three, she claims she doesn’t even THINK about being a step-grandparent. WHAT. If you feel that way, why don’t you just call them your grandchildren and that’s that? Of course, I ask this of a character who reminds Elly that she is going to be the mother of the bride and God knows Elly has been trumpeting THAT news for days.
Besides, all that step talk only serves to give Elly a lame punny punch line. Damn you, Captain Obvious – or should I say Grampa Chinnuts’ Doppleganger?
/rant
April 15th, 2008 at 11:56 pm
Holy Christ, that is wrong.
April 16th, 2008 at 12:12 am
#18 Poteet, my queen! – Recently I wrote King Features and asked if I can play with the strip when and if Woody ever decides to give it up. (Oh, I worded it better than that) I imagine the editorial staff is sitting around having a good laff at the upstart with the termerity to want faster pacing and realistic dialog and snappy banter, and plots that actually GO SOMEWHERE besides in a Mobius strip-like fashion.
But I’m not bitter, no. My mission to knock Lynn Johnston off the page with my own stuff is still planned, but boy would I love to sink my teeth into Judge Parker stories.
Take heart, my queen! Face it, you and I really just wish we had some of whatever Biff and Elvira are smokin’. >:D
April 16th, 2008 at 12:13 am
HUGE SIX DIFFERENCES NEWS!
I am finally spinning off my own blog, called “I Found All Six” (I decided Six Differences with the Gold-Digging Nanny would be kind of clunky for a blog title). I’m going back and archiving all my old posts. I’ll continue to post new Six Differences in the comments section here until I finish archiving the old posts so I have them sort of in chronological order. Eventually I’ll just be doing the new posts on my blog, but I’ll let you all know when that happens. Meanwhile, if you want to check out some of my old Six Differences posts you might have missed, head on over to http://sixdifferences.blogspot.com/.
And here’s a catchup Six Differences from April 4:
1) The ape in panel one threw a rock at the alligator. The ape in panel two threw a densely packed hairball.
2) The manufacturer of the utensil in panel one, Distorted Spork Unlimited, went out of business after five months.
3) The alligator in panel two was just on his way to Denny’s.
4) The ape in panel one had dreams of going to the majors once, but he got kicked off a minor league baseball team for assaulting the peanut vendor.
5) In the panel on the left, the baby gorilla in the middle looks anxious because he just sat on an ant hill.
6) In panel one, the ape hit the alligator so hard that the gold star flew off the A+ spelling test he was carrying in his pocket.
This episode of I Found All Six has been brought to you by KFC. When you think sporks, think KFC.
April 16th, 2008 at 12:14 am
MW: Arrowhead man gets right to the point.
Pluggers: Awright, Classic Dead Pluggers! They’re back, and they’re still dead!
April 16th, 2008 at 12:18 am
A3G Yes, Margo, the burning question on Luann’s tiny unused mind was, how will this benefit Margo?
April 16th, 2008 at 12:24 am
# 42 — Sir Fable MTK, you are so right — I envy Biff and Elvira. They must be smokin’ really excellent weed to think the wind would sound like a cell phone. Far out, man. As for what you could do with JP, the mind boggles. Heck, just seeing what you could do with Abbey’s bosom would be interesting, and her bosom is interesting already:-).
April 16th, 2008 at 12:28 am
JP I don’t get it; for someone who flies around in an old Stearman with and engine so loud it even makes Sam Driver look up from his work, Biff’s hearing is really sharp. And that is one hell of a loud ring tone, given that she must be several dozen yards from the barn.
(don’t think about common sense and JudgeParker, True. Just don’t)
This STILL looks like a job for SuperCedric, with some added sexual tension from Busty Duncan thrown in. Oh yeah, I’d get the shit cranked UP in this crate!
RMDS Doctor Sweetie is arriving just in time to hear the sonorous bellow of a Local Yokel on the Fear Hunt for someone to blame. Oh joy! Pitchforks and Torches!
April 16th, 2008 at 12:34 am
With apologies to George M. Cohan:
For it was Mary, Mary
Listening to the man-boys yell
She knows that settling ain’t meddling
misery’s her favorite smell
And it is Mary, Mary
ready to dispense advice
And there is just one place with that wrinkly face
Charterstone is Hell with ice
April 16th, 2008 at 12:41 am
MT Gee, I wonder what will happen next! I cannot imagine, it is simply beyond me!
Mark Trail and Sam Hill’s love child is in for premeditated heartache. I mean I don’t know, that’s just a Wild Guess.
April 16th, 2008 at 12:44 am
Luann: Wow, Evans is referencing a character who hasn’t been seen in the strip for–what?–two years? And now I hate myself for knowing who they’re talking about.
Get Fuzzy: YOU TAKE THAT BACK, SATCHEL! YOU TAKE THAT BACK OR I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN LIKE A…well, a dog. TAKE IT BACK NOW, YOU SON OF A…look, I’ll get back to you when I jot down some better insults. But you better take it back. You better f***ing take that back.
Non Sequitur: I love this freaking strip.
RMMD: Beardo, hunting vest, plaid shirt underneath, stupid as a post…yup, he might be a redneck. We are going to kill it with napalm, sir. The bombing will begin in five minutes.
April 16th, 2008 at 12:50 am
(WTF)GT Okay, this story narrative derailed between panels 2 and 3 and I don’t even care. I’m just so glad that he was able to fashion fingers on his right hand in panel three, out of that flipper he’s using in panel two.
FC Good wing sauce! What the HELL is Ant-man doing with a ponytail?
Scenes from Suburban Hell Give it to the Pattersons, Trixie. They’ll eat anything.
DtM Dennis, we at MenaceWatch 2008 are very disappointed with your progress, or should we say for the sake of reality, your regress. Commenting about the lack of dessert is not menacing. Conjecture about what might have taken place to get that steak on the table, however, would have been a nice ghoulish turn. Minus 10 points because you aren’t even trying, you little tit-leech.
April 16th, 2008 at 1:02 am
MT — So are we at least going to learn that dogs should always be kept inside, on a leash, or in a secure fenced outdoor area? No, we are going to learn that Mark is really good at punching out petnappers once he’s spent several weeks finding them. I can immediately think of half a dozen story ideas that would be appropriate for a strip about an outdoor writer and would be fairly interesting (or at least new). But no, it’s petnapping time again. Again. Yet again. Arrrgh! *chews on nearest pillow*
April 16th, 2008 at 1:03 am
More catchup Six Differences:
April 6
1) The snake in panel one was disguising himself as a swingset to lure little tykes as his prey. He’s just been caught by the bulldog. The snake in panel two likes eating playground equipment. When the bulldog and his pup showed up to the playground in time to see the snake attempt to slither off while trying to digest a rusty swingset frame, the bulldog decided to improvise a new swingset for his daughter.
2) The pup in panel two has taken half its weight in Ritalin.
3) The snake in panel one lives in a hole in the floor of Count Weirdly’s castle.
4) The bulldog in panel one cut himself while shaving. The bulldog in panel two put the bandages on himself even though he has no injury. He thinks it makes him look butch.
5) The pup in panel two hasn’t really mastered swinging yet. All she can really do is jiggle the ropes. Unwilling to let go of the snake’s neck to go give his kid a push, and unable to stop his kid from crying because she can’t swing, the bulldog will just get more and more pissed off, directing all its anger at the snake, until he decided to tie the snake into a balloon animal shape, bending the swingset frame inside the snake into a more or less permanent shape. The pup will be delighted with her snake poodle. The snake will be threatened until he learns to say, “hisssYAP! SsssYAP!”
6) Check out those buck teeth on the pup in panel one. I think her mom is actually one of those beavers in the “Which two scenes are alike?” feature.
This episode of I Found All Six has been brought to you by Band-Aid.
April 16th, 2008 at 1:21 am
Whew, I’m exhausted—labored breathing—eyes bleary—can’t keep up with Josh’s thread-a-minute pace. Time for one quick Wednesday snark before the next couple of threads appear.
Luann— At last my favorite comics character, the dear sweet lovable ravenously incestuous bisexual harridan Bernice, is making her long-awaited reappearance. Unfortunately the story doesn’t ring true. Zane indeed! I’m sure Bernice thinks about Zane about as often as Sam Driver thinks about sex with Abbey. We all know what she really fantasizes about is a three-way with Ben and Luann. C’mon, Bernice, be true to yourself—break out the strap-ons and bring some fun back to this strip.
April 16th, 2008 at 2:05 am
4/16:
9CL: The “That’s what she said!” joke, McEldowney style.
Agnes: “When A Batshit-Insane Strip Goes Batshit-Insane!” ….”-er!”
BBlues: …DI-ver-tic-u-lIIIiiiiiiiiitiiis!!!
….Sorry, I was just getting nostalgic for Doug & Wendy Whiner.
BBailey: Sarge: “Okay, then, Miss Buxley… you and Otto can go at it Beverly Switzler-Howard the Duck/Jaka-Cerebus style, I’ll go get Beetle!…”
DT: The SWAT team captain in Dick Tracy is… the SWAT team captain from “Hill St. Blues”! Who knew?!
DS: Even Jonathan Swift is getting queasy about now. Michael O’Donoghue isn’t, though, since he (apparently) wrote something similar for Laraine Newman once.
FOOB: For the love of God, do NOT cue Sister Sledge
c. 1979!!
FW: Teachers get paid big bucks? Since when??
JP: Lady, if you don’t want the guy paranoid, then why did you guys insist on being involved in weed?!” What’s next? “Don’t get the munchies, either!”?
MW: One of the sons is pointing to how his very brain is pointing at the “Moy/Giella” sign? What? Meanwhile, panel 1 Mary: If Looks Could Kill (Right, Aldo?)
NS: …Aaaaaand we’re back to Bush-loathing — just as tedious as Mallard’s tax-loathing. Same-old, same-old-same-old-same-old…
OBH: Cut it out, you two — you’re making that old guy in JP paranoid!
Ghost-Who-Breaks-Glass-Ceiling: “Th-the Unknown Commander insists the Americans elect Hillary Clinton!!”
PreTeena: So, not taking part in female stereotype activities makes him a male stereotype? Oooooooooooooookay! (: I type sarcastically)
PC: No way is John McCain a massive blob-face, you right-wing-McCain-hating hack! And the Obama hairline is stupid, too.
S-M: MJ’s carreer is a flop — and jealous chauvinist Petey called it bad news? Character growth or character inconsistancy: YOU be the judge!
April 16th, 2008 at 2:23 am
A3-G: Art-quality prints? Of Lu Ann’s paintings? Something here doesn’t compute.
Archie: Jughead must be wearing his wool cap today. His head sweat apparently shrunk it in the third panel.
BCAH (After Hart): Oh, well, it’s nothing that more detergents in the water can’t cure!
Baldo: Enough about the 1964 Chevy Impala already, for Christ’s sake!
Blondie: That Dagwood! The next thing you know, he’ll be suggesting it might be possible to do work from home– to use telecommunications in place of a physical commute, as it were. But then, given the apparent technology level at that office, he’d probably have to dictate all his documents to a switchboard operator.
Cleats: Who was it who said each extra line on a cartoon character’s face adds ten years? By that standard, this guy calls Methuselah “sonny.”
Crock: If all the feet were sticking out of the ground, this joke might just be palatable. As it is, I can’t stop thinking of Marlon Brando’s speech in Apocalypse Now about the “pile of little arms.”
DT: That Mona Lisa, she’s like a wolverine when she’s cornered. Take your face right off.
Foob: “Oh, no! Must cover up real thoughts with platitudes! Quickly, or they’ll throw me off the strip!”
FW: He’s just bitter because ten years ago, before the jump, he hosted the number one late-night talk show in America, and now he’s teaching in a public high school.
GT: In today’s installment, Gil discusses with He-Man how Elmer was the hand model for the “Don’t Walk” signal. The M.C. Escher Memorial Pool Hall features prominently.
GaBI: So why does the executive have an empty sleeve?
Heathbar: I have to say, I like Heathcliff’s lunettes.
H&J: What happens when you don’t have an idea, but do have Bartlett’s handy.
JP: Yep, the wind sometimes sounds just like a cell phone. Hence the song, “They Call the Wind Verizon.”
Lockhorns: Thank goodness they included the sign. Otherwise, I’d have had no idea he was a doctor. Incidentally, the doctor hates it when his friends call him “the Blogger.”
Lola: It took me a moment to realize the hair was blown back, not on fire.
MF: Mallard: The guy who incessantly slams America’s taxes, but never leaves.
Mutts: Somewhere, the ghost of vaudeville is smiling.
Quigmans: “I know the joke has nothing to do with McCain’s Iraq policy, but I wanted to use it while it was still current.”
RLA: Fears of eventual homelessness = comedy gold!
Redeye: ESP? What, does he think Tanglefoot is reading the arrow’s mind?
S4th: “All I know is, it’s going to involve stabbing you with this screwdriver.”
Shoe: The funny part is the rare acknowledgment that these are birds (”Avian Resources”). Incidentally, the Perfesser frequently wears a jacket and tie at home, yet he goes to a job interview in a polo shirt.
SB: That’s a stretch. Maybe they could be wearing the same pattern, and believe in “same-checks marriage”? Two witches who believe in “same-hex marriage”?
TAS: We got it after the first sentence, thank you.
April 16th, 2008 at 3:08 am
Funky Pantysniffer: There’s nothing wrong with Cory Winkerbean that a dark alley and a motorcycle chain won’t fix.
Jugs Parker: Normally running a big drug operation means he ought to be getting some prime hotties, but instead he’s stuck with the same ol’ big-overalls-wearing woman he’s had for decades. While acknowledging how sweet he is for not taking a dip into the honeys, he’s only human and if he catches Abbey watching him in her tight horse-riding pants, he’s going to seek an upgrade. The main question is: Regardless of Abbey’s sexless sham marriage with Sam, is she going to be impressed once this corn-pone kingpin starts showing off his bling? If in four weeks’ time we see Abbey doing body shots of tequila in a rustic-looking jacuzzi with Biff, we’ll know the answer.
MT: This is going to be literally weeks of bee-grinding that is going to amount to a moral like: “Remember, when letting a dog out you really should go with it and obey local leashing laws or else your dog could be petnapped!”
Sex Organ, M.D.: And then a voice came up from the rear of the crowd: “THERE it is! Get him! His nose is full of contagion!”
MW: Mary would normally be very glad to get right into the middle of this argument, but Dr. Jeff Corey works there and he’d probably smell it on her. Still … it would give Donna Amalfi some peace of mind if Mary could get these brothers (apparently played by Gil Thorp’s dad and Robert Mitchum) to high-five each other over her back in one of the unused examination rooms.
GT: In panel 2’s flashback party scene, Elmer lets some creep know: “Talk to the flippah-hand!”
Actually, I halfway expected Gil’s wife to tell him that there was no way Branden Zollar could be dating Elmer. “Are you nuts?” she said. “Branden is on the girl’s softball team, and you know what that means!”
DT: How the hell is the police chief able to hear Lt. Teevo? Does the mask have a special transmitter inside? And why is the SWAT team guy dressed up like a train engineer ca. 1894?
Lio: I am so hoping that this is going to go where I think it is.
April 16th, 2008 at 6:07 am
Lio: Ah, it’s a “Cole Lector” parody.
Curtis: Where does a kid get that kind of scratch? Curtis is going to be devastated when Elvira calls and tells him his wholesale supply has dried up.
Mark: Wow. That little girl’s expression of love sounds just a little desperate and forced. Yes, a puppy just as good as having my daddy at home. It’s better in fact! It is!
Rex: Robert Shaw is going to offer to kill the MRSA, isn’t he?
April 16th, 2008 at 6:35 am
I don’t get Crankshaft today…anyone?
April 16th, 2008 at 7:05 am
FBOFW – It’s never going to end, is it, this Walk of Self-Congratulation? It’s going to go on forever, like a cartoon version of Huis Clos. Now I see what’s happened: I’m in Hell, aren’t I?
April 16th, 2008 at 7:05 am
Wilbur of the North White elephant + Lemon = “White Lemon”.
More unfunny than usual Cranky malaprop.
April 16th, 2008 at 7:07 am
A movie named “Marvella,” starring some no-name who is married to a lazy schmuck? Straight to DVD?
HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN?
April 16th, 2008 at 7:09 am
RMMD: What the hell? Is this the MRSA meeting, or did a bar git free and run amok?
April 16th, 2008 at 7:20 am
A3G – Margo’s business opportunity involves printing 8 X 10 copies of LuAnn’s paintings, to be used as filler sheets for discount picture frames.
RMMRSA – The guy who organized the rally ordered these types of pitchforks. Good for working soil; not so hot for MRSA riots.
April 16th, 2008 at 7:22 am
MW: Ah, eavesdropping on an argument- the old biddy’s meddling equivalent of a doctor scrubbing in for surgery. Alas, Donna and sons, you cannot simply count backward from 100 and wake up when it’s all over. Mary’s meddling is more like surgery during the Civil War- you will be awake and screaming in agony the whole time. So will I.
April 16th, 2008 at 7:26 am
A3G — Margo is merely managing the studio in Eric’s absence. So how does she figure she’s going to make money from LuAnn’s art? She’s just an employee. And I fully expect to see an ad in the Curmudgeon sidebar for “art quality prints done by a new up and coming artist in the style of Albert Ryder” any day now.
April 16th, 2008 at 7:46 am
A3G: What do you suppose “art-quality prints” of crappy art is? Xeroxes?
‘Shaft: Boy is this one weak. Even by Shaft standards that’s lame.
Crock: Well that’s just horrifying.
GA: Well he introed it kind of oddly, but Sturdy’s “faw-ther” did just make a joke. Maybe he’s not such a bad guy after all.
GT: Huh… are they drinking beer? That could explain why Branden thought it was a good idea to get a bracelet tattooed on.
JP: Oh come on, paranoia is another cornerstone of pot! Don’t write about something you have no idea about, Wilson.
MT: Sam Hill Jr. there is really creeping me out. More so than anything else has for quite a while.
MC: Uhmm…is Jeff working in a tub?
Pluggers: Man, that guy is still there? Surely the stink he’s putting off by now has alerted his wife what’s actually going on. Unless this is some kind of troubling homage to Norman Bates.
S-M: So she has to read about her movie in the local gossip rag instead of from, say, her agent? How is her career going badly any surprise at this point?
April 16th, 2008 at 7:51 am
#22 – Oh my, that would be most wonderful.
Margo in her collector’s catsuit, with a riding crop and cattle prod, demanding the rent checks.
April 16th, 2008 at 7:53 am
RM – Next, the unruly crowd will make a bonfire and burn their Beatles records.
April 16th, 2008 at 7:54 am
9CL: Face it, Edda, Amos is no prize. Making you jealous is the only reason Isabel would even think of making approaches on him. Yet thanks to you, that may be sufficient reason.
A3G: If I were to make a list of the characters whom I would be most likely to believe when they say “trust me,” Margo would probably be pert near the bottom. Trusting Margo when it comes to money is like trusting 9CL’s Isabel not to sleep with your boyfriend.
BB: Dingo! This strip cries out for your special Photoshop treatment! Why hast thou
foreskinforsaken us?Crock: “We’re in luck”? I don’t think so. I think they’ve stumbled upon the aftermath of some horrible massacre. Or the North African touring company of the Broadway musical version of “My Left Foot.”
(WT)DT: A disfigured, possibly homicidal, crossbow-wielding maniac is holding a dozen of the city’s most prominent people hostage, and the SWAT team can’t do a thing about it until they get the final piece of evidence: Teevo’s data-dump of Lector’s Facebook profile. “You must apprehend him immediately.” Gee, YA THINK?! Thanks ever so much for your permission, Lt. Google.
FC: Now that I really think about it, I would punch a kid with glasses. Repeatedly, I think.
GT: At the angle in panel 3, you should only be able to see the side of Elmer’s head, not a stubby abbreviation of his profile. Who’s the new artist on this strip, Pablo Picasso?
HtH: I wonder why my history teachers never said anything about the British invention of laser arrows?
Pluggers: Good evening. Here is the news for dogmen. No dogmen were involved in a fiery accident on I-95 today when a gasoline truck collided with a man-dog. That’s a man-dog and not a dogman. A spokesman for dogmen said he was glad no dogmen were involved. The Secretary of State today met with three Iraqi leaders to discuss an oil-revenue-sharing deal. None of them went for walkies, sniffed each other’s butts, or ate any of the nice kibbles, yum, yum. That’s the end of the news, and now, our program for dogmen continues with part three of “A Tale of Two Cities,” specially adapted for dogmen by Buster McPawsome.
S-M: Why would news of a film starring nobody going straight to DVD rate such a screaming headline in even an entertainment-industry rag? Did Peter swing by Coney Island on the way home and have it printed up at one of those gag-paper stands? And what’s even more important… what does this have to do with The Vulture? Don’t tell me we aren’t even going to get to see the real Vulture from Marvel Comics. This plotline is probably going to center around a sleazy Hollywood agent who everyone just calls a vulture.
April 16th, 2008 at 7:56 am
See, Biff and Elvira, this is how the pros do it:
http://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/04/16/chicken.marijuana.ap/index.html
April 16th, 2008 at 8:08 am
Alright, so what does the spectrogram look like?
April 16th, 2008 at 8:17 am
25: Maybe Christian Single Girl joined the Jungle Patrol.
April 16th, 2008 at 8:19 am
JP – Wilson don’t know jack about the chronic. as tweeks_Coffee says, Paranoia is a key ingredient in doobie-world. also, NOBODY high on weed wants to paint the office or do any physical labor…
…at least, that’s what I’ve heard…
April 16th, 2008 at 8:40 am
Foob signs of aging:
Puberty: you get pouty lips and a hair bun. That goes for Michael too.
Mature adulthood: glasses and a big nose. Do they not have contact lenses in Canada? No Lasik? I haven’t seen that many pairs of eyeglasses since old Perry Mason reruns
April 16th, 2008 at 8:43 am
What are the odds? In this screen grab, from my Chron comics page, note that the top comic features a group of moles, while the next comic uses the word preening. I just hope that this time, what the comics voices are telling me to do doesn’t involve Girl Scouts and severed limbs again.
April 16th, 2008 at 8:44 am
# 61 (DL) – Really? That’s the “joke?” Ay, ay, ay! (I’m using my best Desi Arnaz voice here.) That’s just – weird. And dumb. Wumb, if you will. Batiuk needs to go away now. Or at least forget attempting humor & stick to cancer. Go with what you know.
GT – So Gil is married to Tony Curtis? But seriously, folks, I love Elmer’s devolution. First the flipper in panel two, and then in the third panel becoming – well, either the Piltdown Man or a Baldwin. Meanwhile, poor Branden spends the second panel being Zerbina, only to suffer further humiliation by declaring herself the best friend of a Baldwin brother. The cricket player is so disgusted, he’s walking out. Think I’ll join him.
April 16th, 2008 at 8:55 am
I am lovin’ Brewster Rockit this week. An alien, “an existential Photoshop user” is wrecking havoc a la Chuck Jones’ Duck Amuck. Check it out!
April 16th, 2008 at 8:57 am
9cl – 3 words, naked tickle fight!!!!!!
Funky Winkerbean – I don’t know what’s more alarming, the teacher trying to pass off VFW Lodge jokes as humor or the fact that the redhead is allowed to wear that hat in school. The Funkiverse is one skateboard in the hallway away from total apocalypse.
April 16th, 2008 at 9:06 am
4/16
MF: For those new to the Tinsleyverse, Mallard goes on the same tangent about STOOPID taxpayers happy about getting their refund checks every year. This year he just happens to be hitting new heights of lameness this year. Hey, if you’re going to trot out the well-worn “priceless” joke, maybe you should name some prices in the set-up, hm?
FC: Jackie O called, and she wants you to stop ruining her look.
MT: Wha? What’s with the head-body proportions here. Has happy dog ownership de-aged Madeline to infancy?
Archie: Hot Dog sees his chance and makes a break for it, leaving the strip. He really is a smart dog.
JP: Ah, so it’s the paranoid weed they’ve been growing. Never get high on your own supply, Dickenses.
RMMD: Gore-Tex guy there must really liven up PTA meetings.
“The tennis team is facing a 2000 dollar budget shortfall this year and…”
“HOW ARE YOU GOING TO KILL IT?!?”
Garfield: Made me laugh.
OBH: I’m actually touched by this scene. Which opens up the possibility that I;m touched, period.
SSmith: Hey, isn’t that the Flash comic book logo? Good luck dodging DC’s lawyers.
Luann: Bernice is such a hypocrite. She doesn’t want Luann going after her brother, but the guy she’s thinking of is just Brad with a thick coating of charcoal dust on his chin.
DT: I’m no seismologist, but I’m pretty sure that’s a mask, Liz.
GT: Elmer Vargas is an inspiration to us all. He’s Milford’s star center fielder, despite having a flipper for a hand.
Ziggy: Do I want to know how this happened? I really don’t.
S4th: Ted fills his empty hours by working on the car. I have a feeling he’s going to lose all four tires in traffic one of these days.
SFx: Just barely made it to press time. At the last minute, Weber had to censor out the badly mauled husband with the exposed ribs.
Marvin: Ordinarily, Dinky’s answer would be TMI even for a talking dog. But he’s talking to Marvin, so anything goes.
BB: Oh, like we couldn’t see that one coming even if the panels weren’t next to each other. C’mon killer, you really thing Sarge is going to let his precious gut get infected by girl cooties?
April 16th, 2008 at 9:07 am
So, never mind that Ted is explaining to his daughter that there is nothing for them to do together — ever. The real fun is that he’s working on the car while wearing a white button-up shirt.
April 16th, 2008 at 9:15 am
#79 Gene: Re: FW Apocolypse: Yeah, a lot of us are awaiting that day…and snark about it in the meantime.
April 16th, 2008 at 9:33 am
…I am glad I didn’t check this site this morning at home. (No streaming media allowed at work.)
It’s Wednesday, I was up wayyyy late to a concert of a “punishingly loud band” (in the words of the Dirtbombs’ own lead singer) and my ears are still not allowing the upper frequencies of sound waves in. But the comics cannot wait! Even if my brain seems in the off position.
Archie: Am I the only one sick enough to need brain bleach at a bad interpretation of that second panel leading to the words in the third?
BC: does not work today.
BB: auuugh brain stop doing that to me. Aside from the fact that people only say that to dogs, that I know of.
Blondie: So, one day, will we see Dithers hauled away on charges of repeated aggravated assault?
Curtis: No. Sorry. No dad would ever even close to react that way even for a gag.
DT: The day Dick Tracy will have a villain who’s not disfigured in some way, his universe will implode. Dick will be happy, feeling he’s had a hand in the death of billions.
Dilbert: Just mentioning the strip to share my extreme annoyance to the concept of stand-ups like those. We had them once here years ago. It never really accomplished anything other than annoying the other workers around us.
Edge City: Well that’s a reversal. The usual cliché of the jewish mother is nagging about marrying a nice jewish boy/girl, and she’s the one dating a non-jewish man. I have no problem with that cliché being destroyed. Or any cliché, for that matter.
F minus: I, um… what??
FC: And some days, it’s like christmas for the curmudgeons. I know bats :[ at least has skewered this in photoshop by now, and others will follow. :)
Garfield: (I’ll be the 32nd to say this, I’m sure) Ending this strip would be a timesaver.
GF: A nice collection of zingers, yet it does not coalesce as wholly funny to me. “British” however is the best answer to that question.
GT: Apparently, “some years ago” means the 50s, judging from the guys’ vestimentary styles.
MT: Taken out of context, that second panel could easily be misinterpreted as leading to a gory headline about a child psychopath.
MW: Wow. Their second day and they’ve already reduced it all to “OUR mama!” I said I liked clichés busted, but not this painfully unfunnily.
MC: Jeff’s not an easy character to try to like. :) Still a nicely natural way to do exposition, I say.
SFx: Nice of the family to try and use a Smart Car to go camping, but where did they put the third family member, judging from the number of eyes? THat thing only has two seats…
April 16th, 2008 at 9:47 am
Meanwhile, Mary Worth better be careful how she meddles Ron and Rod. These guys look like they work for Tony Soprano. Could Mary sleep with the fishes soon?
April 16th, 2008 at 9:56 am
FBOFW-Connie had better hope that Ellie & John stay spry enough to care for her in her old age. I’m sure it hasn’t escaped Lawrence that he is a disappointment and her stepdaughters that they do not in any way count as real family. This is why people die alone.
April 16th, 2008 at 10:07 am
MW: Mary, you’re a meddler, not a theater-goer. Get your bony ass in there and tell those Really Ugly Brothers what’s what.
MT: Ooh, Mark Trail’s discovered foreshadowing!
GA: Today, I have to agree with Teeka’s assessment of the situation. I never want to have to say that again, Scancarelli!
April 16th, 2008 at 10:10 am
A3G – Oh come on, you can get prints of your work sold by setting up a deviantArt account. It’s not that hard. But if there is any justice in the world, today’s strip means that Apartment 3-G is about to pull a Pibgorn, only instead of A Midsummer Night’s Dream, it’ll be embarking on a reinterpretation of the Golan-Globus cult classic The Apple. I can’t wait to see Prof. Papagoras descend from the sky in a gleaming Rolls-Royce.
AS – Another day, another unfunny and over-explained Argyle Sweater.
A.D. – Boy, Johnny must be spinning in his grave.
Baldo – Boy, the first day I decide to start following Baldo and I find the main character acting as petty and whiny as any given Luann cast member. That’s probably not a good sign.
Curtis –
Curtis is selling drugs.OH WAIT, I’ve got it now! This all ties in with last week’s storyline, and Curtis is smuggling “un-healthy” (a.k.a. “tasty”) food into the school for inflated prices! Curtis, man, you are my hero.DT – Oh joy, we’ve moved into a low-budget Phantom Of The Opera knockoff. Also, the disembodied claws from Gil Thorp make a guest appearance.
FOOB – That’s right, Elly, don’t forget to congratulate yourself for doing what any decent human being already does.
FB – Since I started reading Fred Basset about a week ago, it’s mostly just…been there. Today’s, however, is leaving me wondering how to interpret it. Is “Claude” the man? If so, what’s the joke? We never find out what Fred actually did. On the other hand, if “Claude” is the dog, then the joke would seem to be that Fred made a pass at what is essentially a dog transvestite, which seems like it wouldn’t get past the syndicates. On the other other hand, I imagine that whosever job it is to censor Fred Basset has probably been asleep at the switch for the last forty years.
FW – Oh goody. Now we get to see the teenage hijinks of high-school again, only instead of sympathizing with the kids who are trying to have a good time and maintain a social life despite being loaded down with pointless busywork, we get to see things from the perspective of the killjoys who impose pointless busywork on them!
GA – Oh I give up. Every day of this insufferably obnoxious storyline pushes me closer to knocking Gasoline Alley off my reading list. Criminy, when I signed on I was led to expect meteors on basketball courts, for God’s sake!
GT – Gil Thorp, on the other hand, remains a constant delight. Mimi has apparently had her head transplanted onto the body of a member of the football team, presumably via some cartoon-style mad science, the couple in panel two are apparently practicing barless limbo, and Alley Oop is worried that his dad won’t let him date a Thorpified Condoleeza Rice. What more could you ask of a comic strip?
JP – You might question the probability of Biff hearing Abbey’s cell phone, but remember that your hearing and vision improve with age, since they’re based off Wisdom.
Luann – Who’s this “Zane” fellow? He looks like Brad with a different haircut and a goatee. And come on, Bernice, enough with the false pretenses already! We already know why you don’t want Luann and Ben together, so enough with the trying to hide it!
MT – Guest-starring Sam Hill as Madeline. They must’ve had a hell of a time taping her down for the role.
Marmaduke – Marmaduke is a very poor cheater.
MW – Actually, dude, it’s not entirely clear what that “sounds like.” Maybe you should rephrase your statement so it makes more sense.
NS – Oh fuck you, Wiley. You finally get an amusing storyline going, and all you can do is turn it into yet another inane, baseless rant against The Man? Forget LJ, someone needs to knock him off the page.
Pluggers – “And by ‘fallen asleep’ we mean ‘died of a sudden coronary.’”
Preteena – Man, that’s bitchy. Have they ever considered that maybe guys don’t go shopping not because they’re “protecting their masculinity,” but because they don’t like it? Gah.
RMMD – Oh for the love of…this is going to be the funniest Rex Morgan storyline ever.
SM – Hey, it’s not all bad, MJ. Winding up in direct-to-video means you get to hang out with Chevy Chase, Jon Voight, and Tim Allen.
Ziggy – I like to imagine that Ziggy is one false move away from shredding his gums here.
April 16th, 2008 at 10:11 am
Phantom – So the unknown commander always sneaks in and out of his office unseen? And no one can ever see him? Sounds like the Jungle Patrol is run by Major Major.
April 16th, 2008 at 10:30 am
43. Au-digging Nanny: Woohoo! But can the internet contain so much concentrated six difference humour in one spot??
67. Tweeks: Jeff is a shark and needs to stay hydrated. Yes, he’s been shown working in a tub before, many times. No, don’t look too much into it. :)
April 16th, 2008 at 10:33 am
Archie – Judging from the way the doggie door is opening inward, Hot Dog isn’t going outside, but rather is being dragged ass-first back into the house. This makes Jughead’s comment in the last panel even more creepy.
April 16th, 2008 at 10:36 am
Josh, I belatedly listened to your KBOB-FM interview, and you sounded great! I was very impressed. Sometimes what appears to be quick wit on the ‘net isn’t backed up by quick wit in person, but with you it clearly is. You’re the guy everybody wants to have at their party.
Now, as for today’s musical masterpiece…well…it’s….very………special! Yeah, that’s the ticket.
April 16th, 2008 at 10:36 am
Looking back at the previous week of Curtis, the signs are all there:
April 7th
Curtis wants something besides “health food” (I could rant on that, but that’s a whole post in and of itself) to eat. The lunch lady makes it clear that that’s not how the cafeteria works anymore (since, after all, the only way to help kids stay healthy is to take away all their other options.)
April 8th
Curtis further expresses his disgruntlement with the piss-poor quality of the “healthy” school lunches; while it should be noted that “health food” isn’t as bad today as it used to be, anybody who’s ever had it inflicted on them can sympathize.
April 9th
Curtis is looking for a way to get money.
April 10th
Curtis finds out that his classmates are also tired of being forced to eat “healthy.” He suggests taking their complaints to the administration, but the other children are too scared to stand up to authority.
April 11th
Curtis is still in need of money.
April 12th
Curtis’s dad tells him how to make money: meet a demand, adding a profit margin on top of the cost of your stock. Curtis begins scheming, but his dad doesn’t notice.
April 14th
April 15th
April 16th
Curtis is suddenly magnanimous, giving out gifts that are lclearly beyond his means. He may have started becoming a shrewd businessman, but the “stealth” part of his smuggling operation needs a little work.
So, conclusion: Curtis is providing tasty, edible food to his classmates since the school refuses to provide anything but “health food.” Curtis now ranks slightly below Rhett Butler and Han Solo in the list of the coolest blockade runners ever.
April 16th, 2008 at 10:39 am
RE: Metapost Is there something wrong with my computer? All I got when I clicked on the “Gil Thorp” YouTube video Josh commissioned was static.
April 16th, 2008 at 10:41 am
#93 Hank – Nothing’s wrong with your computer. Static is the music of Thorpland.
April 16th, 2008 at 10:43 am
Things I love about today’s Rex Morgan:
-Rex is clearly punk rock. LOOK at his hair in panel 1! That is some rockin’ electric blue hair. I bet Niki has something to do with this… not that I’m complaining. More cryptohomoeroticism, mule!
-”HOW ARE YOU GOING TO KILL IT?!” is a brilliant interjection/exclamation, and one that I hope to use in my everyday life. Hopefully during a lecture.
-Look at that man’s finger in panel 2! That’s no ordinary finger. This man is clearly Inspector Gadget, deep deep deep undercover! And that’s awesome, because everything Gadget does is awesome.
Other comics:
Beetle: Yup, Buxley Wednesday. When was this phenomenon first noted? I only became an official ‘Mudge around Thanksgiving or so, so there’s a lot that I’ve had to pick up in retrospect.
Foob: Mary Worth once attempted this level of smug self-righteousness, and we had to have a Toeby storyline for three weeks while she recovered.
Pluggers: Haw haw! It’s funny because Pluggers have a gnawing discontent in their lives that prevents them from even enjoying a show on television, compelling them to constantly seek something new, something better, until they pass out from the exhaustion! (Thought I was going to go with the “dead in the chair” model?)
BaBl: This is clearly just an excuse to say “Chuckie, the forty-foot colon” over and over… and I’m okay with that.
GT: Panel 2 is awesome. We’ve got a Chia floor, impossible perspective, flipper hands, Dick Tracy in the lower left, high school students drinking beer (you’re not gonna convince me otherwise, sorry), alien sleeping pods in the upper right, tight tight clothing on Elmer (just because I’m not directly into that sort of thing doesn’t mean I don’t love it)… and I love the popped collar on the “jerk.” Panel 3’s also good, with Elmer doing his best Australopithecine impression. Hell, Panel 1’s also got some awesomeness, with the Blank Expanse of Nothingness, Mimi rocking the Link-Fall hairdo, MMES on Gil… yeah, I like Rod Whigham.
Curtis: Is this an actual new storyline from Curtis, or is my memory just incomplete? It’s pretty obvious that he’s either selling drugs, stealing, or has a credit card, but either way, I don’t think Billingsley’s done that story before, has he?
JP: I love the crafty look on Biff in Panel 2. That’s all.
April 16th, 2008 at 10:44 am
RMMD: Oh boy! Finally an appearance by my favorite character, Plaid shirt wearing-bearded-ignorant yokel! He’s the father of Gap-toothed “Woo!” boy, you know!
April 16th, 2008 at 10:45 am
If there’s one thing Comics Curmudgeon has done for me, it’s introduce me to the wild, weird world of serial strips, which the local paper doesn’t run a whole lot of.
DT: How does one get disfigured while trying to steal the Mona Lisa, anyway? Does the Louvre have a system of acid-and-fire related booby traps we’re not aware of? Also, if this guy was involved in, oh I don’t know, an attempt to steal the most famous painting in the world, you’d think the police would have found out about it before now.
MW: I predict that tomorrow the dialog between these two gentlemen will consist entirely of the phrases “Oh yeah?” and “Yeah!”
April 16th, 2008 at 10:47 am
Drat, I can’t find a website or email address for Ray Billingsley. If Bob Weber or Ed Power know him, could they pass along my love for this new story development, please?
April 16th, 2008 at 10:48 am
Look out for the bull, the MRSA bull!
I don’t want to grow up, I’m an M”R”SA kid
…are we still doing this?…No?…nevermind.
April 16th, 2008 at 10:52 am
Son of a gun, CommodoreJohn, I never even thought of that–Curtis is dealing junk food to his classmates! I figured this would just be the tired old “kid gets a credit card by mistake and doesn’t realize you have to pay the money back” plotline.
I only see Judge Parker on here, so I don’t know what’s in today’s installment, but unless the elderly pot farmers greet Abbey with shotguns in hand, there’s no reason on Earth for her not to be able to outrun them (especially since she got there on horseback, yes?).
April 16th, 2008 at 10:53 am
95 me: Oh, I feel smart now. Curtis isn’t selling drugs, he’s selling junk food. That’s what I get for only reading Curtis once or twice a week.
April 16th, 2008 at 11:08 am
If you can’t play the youTubes for some reason, there is an mp3 version of Gil Thorp lurking near the bottom of this post: http://www.berkeleynoise.com/celesteh/podcast/?p=96
April 16th, 2008 at 11:10 am
Luann: At least someone is now finally noticing that Ben is something like five or six years older than Luann. He’s an adult dating a teenager. That’s way creepy in my book. My daughters are only 2 and 4 right now. But if when they’re 16 and they want to date some 22-year-old guy, we’re all going to have to have a little talk.
April 16th, 2008 at 11:18 am
Re: Bootsy 75: Old people really do get glasses. My parents are in their 50’s and both just got reading glasses recently. My mom can’t find hers half the time. There’s no way my parents would EVER wear contact lenses because they can barely figure out how to put on glasses.
Pluggers: Is anyone else concerned that the dog man is married to a chicken woman? The logistics of that frighten me. How the hell do their children come out?
April 16th, 2008 at 11:22 am
Dude, this is the stuff of nightmares. What the hell is that thing between Gil’s eyebrows?! That’s the question that will haunt me until…well, until I get a beer inside me.
April 16th, 2008 at 11:28 am
92, commodorejohn, that right there is my idea of someone reading the comics so I don’t have to. Chapeau!
April 16th, 2008 at 11:38 am
Luann: Who is Zane? WHO is ZANE?
OK, people. Turn your brains back to the day of yesteryear, when Bernice worked at a bookstore and fell for her fellow co-worker, the cripped, orphaned Zane. But first they had to overcome the sexy lady-type boss, who was inappropriately flirting with one of her employees.
And that employee was Bernice. No, not making this up.
Sadly, Zane used his connections with the WaldenBorder’s management to have the evil lesbian transferred to Japan. Still not making this up.
And then the store caught on fire while Zane and Bernice were making out, and Brad dragged Zane to safety.
And then Zane disappeared, like Aaron Hill, Miguel, and every other attractive male in the strip. And c’mon, Zane does not look like Brad–for one, his head isn’t shaped like a lumpy potato.
April 16th, 2008 at 11:41 am
DIARY OF A PLUGGER
Day One
Ate lots of saturated fat. Took two naps.
Day Two
Ate lots of transfat and simple sugars. Took three naps.
Day Three
Ate lots of saturated fat, transfat, simple sugars, and preservatives. Took four naps. A good day.
***
Argh, I can’t go on.
April 16th, 2008 at 11:43 am
Okay, I admit it. I am tech-challenged. Could someone here please define “metapost” for me? In practice, it seems to mean a post where Josh doesn’t, you know, talk about actual comic strips. Is there some other definition?
To tell the truth, I never really thought about this much until yesterday, when for some reason the very IDEA of metaposts seemed to send some poor guy into a slobbering rage. (But then, he also seemed incensed that some radio stations had weaker signals than others… So I just backed s-l-o-o-w-w-l-y out of the room.) But now I’m curious.
April 16th, 2008 at 11:45 am
# 107 Chyron — Yep, I remember now! You brought it all back, and it’s flooding through my brain in vivid detail. Excuse me while I go have several drinks.
April 16th, 2008 at 11:49 am
Zaq: I can’t remember who, but probably about a year ago the Buxley Wednesday was noted. There’s only been two instances since we’ve tracked it where she didn’t show up on a Wednesday. But both those weeks she showed up on Tuesday, so I theorize the days just got swapped at the syndicate by mistake (they probably don’t pay too much attention to order on gag a days) or the Walkers were off a day on their calendar.
April 16th, 2008 at 11:51 am
# 97 TheDiva — In the case of R & R, your dialogue would be an improvement.
April 16th, 2008 at 11:53 am
109 Boojum — a metapost (or anything that’s described as “meta”) is one that refers to itself as the subject.
Josh writing about Josh’s blog is meta. Comic strip characters that refer to being in a comic strip are meta. Patsis putting himself into PBS is very meta.
April 16th, 2008 at 11:54 am
#107 Chyron HR – Oh, so that’s where Bernice gets it from.
April 16th, 2008 at 11:55 am
Good detectin’ work, commodore. This is actually a fairly well crafted lil’ story in Curtis, if your theory is correct (and I think it is). I hereby promote you to Admiral.
April 16th, 2008 at 11:57 am
#107 Chyron HR,
Oh man, you’re not making any ot that up?
Excuse me, I have to pick something up off the floor. I’m pretty sure it’s my jaw.
April 16th, 2008 at 12:04 pm
113 JP:
Thanks. For some reason, my brain didn’t link ‘metaposts’ with “self-referencing,” since Josh talks about so many different things in ‘em.
I’m smarter-er now.
April 16th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
Just not smart enough to spell JB. . . . .
April 16th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
DT: Oh! So Mr. Cole Lector is horribly disfigured! That explains . . . absolutely nothing at all. Except in the Dick Tracy universe, where apparently it’s a prerequisite for the SWAT team to get involved.
April 16th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
103 — Only a little talk? I remember being chased with a shotgun by my wife’s grandfather when she was 19 and I was 24. I would think that firing said shotgun would be appropriate for a 16/22 age gap.
April 16th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
115- I concur, but wouldn’t this storyline screw up the known Curtis plot sequences (which are about as predictable as Buxley Wednesday)?
April 16th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
No problem, Boojum. The spelling often trips up some folks. ;-)
Meta: actually, my last name is nearly always mis-spelled (and no, it’s not “B”).
April 16th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
#107 – Maybe when Brad saved Zane, Zane actually killed Brad and shaved off his goatee to look like Brad just to make the move on the oh so sweet and frustratingly cock teasing Toni Daytona….
April 16th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
That only works, Gene, if in the process of shaving off the whiskers he regained the ability to walk and trained to be a fireman…
Not saying it didn’t happen, of course.
April 16th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
#10 et. seq.
They own the building? They own the freakin’ building??!? Well that does explain a lot, as noted above. I suspect they live together because they, erm, like each other. Tommie and Margo probably share the master suite, and when nobody’s looking LuAnn wears the maid’s uniform and chains and sleeps in a kennel at the foot of the bed.
April 16th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
JB – That is a good point. Maybe Zane’s name was actually “Zaney” because he would pull zaney pranks to hook up with chicks, like faking the wheelchair bit to nail Bernice, or offing brad for Toni…….and Brad obviously isn’t much of a fireman. He couldn’t even show his face at the ball for gear of mocking and noogies.
April 16th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
gear=fear
April 16th, 2008 at 12:37 pm
#6 commodorejohn – That’s what I thought when I first heard it. I was waiting for Steve Howe to start playing his intro.
April 16th, 2008 at 12:39 pm
126 & 127 – Gene: I don’t know. Noogie gear got me thinking. Something like a brass knuckles, perhaps? I might never be as successful as Curtis Wilkins, but I might be up to a little entrpreneurin’ myself.
April 16th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
103 et. seq.
High school girls and older guys seem to be an obsession with Evans. Besides Ben and Zane, it seems to me there were one or two others.
April 16th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
#129 – Fantastic!!! I like it and I’d like a cut
April 16th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
S-M: I guess the Marvella movie was directed by Uwe Boll.
April 16th, 2008 at 1:13 pm
#56 Diamond Joe, my theory about the really old guy in Cleats is that it is none other than Clambake, who has been unable to hook up with any of the high school teams in Raleigh this season, and has been reduced to peddling his tales to his gullible grandson and playmates.
April 16th, 2008 at 1:21 pm
Darkefang: It’s worse than you think. If you go back in the joshreads archives, you find that he started writing about the Spider-Man comic strip as the Marvella subplot was just beginning. So, yeah, she was shooting that movie for at least three years.
And then they dumped the entire plot in one strip–three panels. So Stan Lee, or whatever uncredited writer really writes this, basically urinated on everybody who’d been following that.
There’s Nelson again…..
“HA ha!”
April 16th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
God damn it. There’s always some stupid Winkerbean smirking in a high school somewhere. WHERE THE HELL ARE THEY ALL COMING FROM? Is Funky constantly reproducing asexually (sexually is out of the question, just look at the man) or something? Is his incredible girth just another Winkerbean waiting to bud?
April 16th, 2008 at 1:36 pm
#80: Re: The Flash:
Good call. Check this out:
http://www.hyperborea.org/flash/logos.html
April 16th, 2008 at 1:36 pm
Actually, I’m giving credit here to Batiuk for turning Funky Winkerbean the character from a fun-loving and fairly inoffensive youth into a bitter, money-grubbing middle-aged slob. Isn’t that how it happens in the Real World?
April 16th, 2008 at 1:37 pm
Curtis: I agree with the ‘Tasty Food’ theory (unless he has discovered how to Photoshop Dead Presidents and print them off in bulk).
April 16th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
133: I called that a week ago. :-)
April 16th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
#87 commodorejohn re: Curtis: My son did the same thing when he was in military school. He would buy snacks at Sam’s Club when he was home on the weekends, and sell them out of his barracks room when he got back to school. It’s amazing how much a kid would pay for a bag of Skittles or Cheez-Its when he couldn’t leave campus to get it.
He gave the franchise to his roommate when he graduated, (no other kid thought of doing it!) and as far as I know he’s still running it.
April 16th, 2008 at 2:14 pm
#139, good call. That’s what I get for working instead of reading last week.
April 16th, 2008 at 2:18 pm
This might have been said already, but Ron and ROD? Seriously? Those are their names? I’d be PISSED if I was named Rod and my brother was Ron. Instead of fighting with Ron, I’d team up with him to smother my mom and her meddling caretaker, too.
April 16th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
Are mudgeons going nuts at Elly’s Coffee Talk blog, or is the rest of the world as completely annoyed with Connie and Elly’s Endless Walk as we are?
April 16th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
S-M: Don’t worry, Mary Jane. Curtis will buy up all the distribution rights.
April 16th, 2008 at 2:38 pm
#84 – No, but Mary will have a couple of concrete slippers ready for these two goons in no time. Or so I hope.
April 16th, 2008 at 2:43 pm
Re: Curtis: Yes, he’s moving crates of Skittles illegally onto school grounds. The horror of it all!
April 16th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
# 142 Dick Tracy {etc.}
Aren’t Ron and Rod the twin sons of Homer Simpson’s neighbor Ned?
April 16th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
MW -Their names are Rick and Ron, actually.
April 16th, 2008 at 3:08 pm
Hmmmmm
Another Winkerbean……
maybe,
just maybe
Wally is Alive!!!!
And married to a war bride that is stricken with leprosy.
and polio…
and cancer….
and gingivitis….
and
worse of all.
The thing that the Funkyverse is going to bravely deal with….
MRSA!!!!!!!!!
April 16th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
Long time lurker, first time poster. I just HAD to compliment TrueFable on the awesomeness of the FOOB parodies. Now, if Lynnie were only telling THAT story, I’d be running to the computer every morning to see it!
April 16th, 2008 at 4:13 pm
Marvin: Yup. That larger dog dogsuit sure looks like its holding a load.
April 16th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
#150 Astroboy – Why, thank you! It was a cathartic thing for me, and much less messy than taking a ballpeen hammer to my skull to knock away the glurge deposits in my brain that her storyline put there.
April 16th, 2008 at 10:36 pm
149- I asked that same question about the Winkerbean character and someone whose name I can’t recall :o[ said that this is Cory, Funky’s stepson. I wondered how come he looks so much like his stepfather…..
April 16th, 2008 at 10:42 pm
Oh, and I just thought of this re Luann and the age thing. We had a student worker here last year who was 18 and was dating guys in their mid 20s. She was legal, of course, but you can bet she didn’t just start then. And her parents seemed to be okay with it…
Just saying…
April 17th, 2008 at 9:22 am
How many people caught the reference to an old “Twilight Zone” episode in today’s title?
April 17th, 2008 at 9:15 pm
#130 – Gnome de blog — Luann — Remember the “older” Lifeguard that Luann fell for some years back? He ended up saving her and Tiffs lives in a swimming pool “incident”. A VERY grateful Luann went out with him later only to find out, in the middle of dinner no less, that the guy was married.
That aside, will we see the return of Zane??
____________
DEATH to TJ!
April 23rd, 2008 at 1:51 pm
#97 – It’s “HOO”, not “Woo!”
Gap-toothed Starey-HOO-guy.
Just preserving the legend.